Why Don’t Men Hate Being Single As Much As Women Do?

Why Don’t Men Hate Being Single As Much As Women Do?

Dear Evan,

Why don’t men hate being single as much as women do? I know you say most men are marriage-minded underneath but they seem much less interested in getting into a stable, committed relationship than women do, and seem to drag their heels.

Some of the things I hate about being single are (in no particular order): lack of love, affection and emotional support; not having someone to go on vacation with; not having someone to share domestic tasks with; being excluded from social gatherings because I don’t have a partner; not having someone to talk to at home on a day to day basis; having to cope with the financial burden of being single (apartment, bills etc.); not having a regular source of quality sex available.

Surely these things apply to men just as much as women? If this is the case, why aren’t men jumping up and down with excitement when they meet someone they connect with, like we are? Why aren’t they just as keen as we are to know “where things are going” early on in the relationship? A lot of men my age seem uninterested in a committed relationship, seeming to prefer a more casual “low investment, low return” approach to relationships. Do men actually ENJOY the endless tedium and stress of going on a string of disappointing dates? Or does it all simply come down to the capriciousness of the female orgasm – since men can have an orgasm with practically anyone, they don’t much care who they’re with, whereas if a woman finds someone who’s actually good in bed she’s desperate to hang on to him?! Your insights would be much appreciated.   -Elaine

Dear Elaine,

Love. This. Question.

I particularly love your list of what sucks about being single. As a guy who was single for 35 years, I completely agree and think that — all things remaining equal — having a good relationship is a far superior state of being than being alone.

(This does not mean that I look down on single people or think you should be in an unsatisfying relationship so, please, spare me the complaints.)

My assistant says it’s because when they’re single, they can play video games and watch porn, and if they got a girlfriend, she’d insist they give up one or both.

But what gets me the most excited, Elaine, is that you’ve forced me to consider something that I’ve never actually considered before:

Why Don’t Men Hate Being Single As Much as Women Do?

My assistant says it’s because when they’re single, they can play video games and watch porn, and if they got a girlfriend, she’d insist they give up one or both.

Funny, but probably not the entire picture.

So, together, let’s consider why men are generally cooler with being single than women:

1. Low investment, low return. As I observed in “Why He Disappeared”, this tends to be the way that men deal with most of their relationships. When a man hangs out with another man, he’ll watch sports, play poker, talk trash, grab a few drinks, and maybe talk about whether he’s hooking up. This takes care of most of a man’s basic needs — for companionship, for laughs, for fun.

Men are more likely to define themselves by their careers — What do I do? How much do I earn? What kind of car do I drive? How big is my TV?

As I look at that list, it occurs to me that most of my clients who are perfectly content being single are satisfied with their female friendships. My mom, for example: she volunteers at the hospital, she tap dances in the musical at her clubhouse, she plays canasta with the girls twice a week, she does Sudoku in her garden, she’s on the party-planning committee… and while she misses a travel companion, movie companion and regular sex, life is pretty much okay as it is.

I just think there are more men than women who are okay with low-investment, low-return, that’s all. Which brings us to…

2. Self-definition. Men are more likely to define themselves by their careers — What do I do? How much do I earn? What kind of car do I drive? How big is my TV?

This is unfortunate and short-sighted because nobody dies thinking that he wishes he had a 72” Sony instead of a 64” Vizio. But hey, that’s men.

Women, who are, in general, more emotional and intuitive, are more likely to define their lives by their relationships. So when they lack a partner, they’ll be disproportionately sadder than men, who just bury themselves in more work and (sometimes) play.

Then again, many of my smart, strong, successful clients also bury themselves in their work for a decade, and emerge from their cocoon of success and travel, only to learn that they’re really, really lonely. I can only imagine there are millions of women who haven’t contacted me who continue to immerse themselves in that worldview that success and accomplishment matters more than love. Which brings us to…

3. Communication styles. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: men need more help; women ask for more help. And nowhere is that clearer than in the realm of relationships.

A few thoughts off the top of my head:

– Over twice as many women take anti-depressants, compared to men. I remember reading somewhere that it was about 1 in 6 women vs. 1 in 48 men.

– 90% of the self-help market in bookstores is for women. Seriously, apart from “The Game” have you ever seen a relationship book for men that’s sold in airport bookstores?

– Women maintain closer friendships throughout life. My mom talks to her best friend every day. She has friends who talk to their daughters every day. I’m as sensitive as they come and I talk to my best friends in New York about once a month.

In other words, even if men feel the emotional need to connect, they rarely reach out to do so — with each other, with their families, and with you.

Women talk about their feelings with much greater frequency and intensity, further feeding the perception/reality that they care more about relationships.

4. Sex — Perhaps Charlie Sheen said it best, years ago, when talking about his predilection for prostitutes: “I don’t pay them for sex. I pay them to leave.”

There are a decent number of men out there who don’t really desire the same kind of relationship as you do. Their needs are met by their male friendships and their careers and the last thing they want to do is hold your purse when shopping at Nordstrom.

You can tell who these men are because when they’re not with you, you don’t exist. They’ll call you once a week to hook up and that’s all. These guys play on their terms, not yours and are a total waste of time to any woman trying to forge something real and lasting. It’s like trying to teach a fish to ride a bicycle. In my experience, there are very few women who treat men as if they’re good for nothing but sex.

So yeah, a man’s ability to separate sex and love is another valid reason he’s not terribly upset when he’s single.

The last thing men want to do is hold your purse when shopping at Nordstrom.

5. Expectations about relationships. I think this is the most important point of all. Women expect their relationships to be transcendent. They expect the man to illuminate and inspire. You remember “Eat, Pray, Love,” right? “You don’t need a man. You need a champion.”

Guys don’t work that way. We want someone who is attractive, who doesn’t criticize us or tell us how much we need to change, who we can spend lots of time with without getting bored, who we can bring around our friends and families with minimal incident.

You don’t have to play fantasy football.
You don’t have to make six figures.
You don’t have to have washboard abs.
You don’t have to have an M.B.A.
You don’t have to be spiritual.

As a result, most men can date lots of women.

Women — at least my clients – can only date .0001% of men.

Elizabeth Gilbert, in her follow-up to “Eat, Pray, Love,” called “Committed”, explores these outlandish expectations that Western women have for love — which are nothing like what women in other cultures experience. As a result, Western women are very disappointed in their men, whereas men aren’t nearly as disappointed in women.

In other words, we think you’re fine as you are.

We just hate the fact that you need us to change so much.

As a result of all of these biological and societal observations about men, it shouldn’t be too surprising that there are no Time Magazine cover stories or best-selling books about desperate men.

We can separate sex and love, we define ourselves by our work, we don’t lack dating options, we get 95% of our needs met without female companionship, and we don’t talk about relationships nearly as much.

If there’s anything I missed, please let me know. Guys, please chime in here. Why are you okay not being in a relationship — and how is this different than the women you know?

Join our conversation (1,934 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1

    Well now this is depressing!   I agree that women have outlandishly unrealistic expectations for love and relationships.   Blame movies, Disney fairy tales, whatever you want but the fact remains that when your expectations don’t line up with reality, severe disappointment is the result.   Men don’t need or want women in the same way women need or want men.   So what in the world do we do about this?

    1. 1.1

      This article is bullshit. 25 year Kinsey study shows men are unhappier when single. Stop promoting stereotypes. Women have way more selection of sexual partners when single, enjoy monogamy less. You appear to not have done any research.

      1. 1.1.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        You aren’t being very nice, Jen. The article is not “bullshit”. I was asked a question by a woman about why SHE thinks women hate being single more than men. All I did was theorize a few reasons why and ask readers for their opinions. I never claimed to do research. So, please, learn to offer an opinion without being insulting. You could have said your experience of being single is different from the OP and cited a link to a study confirming that. Instead you insulted me, talked about propaganda, and insinuated that I was an MRA as if this is some systematic patriarchal effort to keep women down by forcing untrue stereotypes on them. None of that is true. I gave my opinion. I think it has merits. Many others did as well. If you feel otherwise, communicate like an adult. Otherwise, be gone.

        1. STFoster

          I went into this assuming you were bullshit, and I also assumed – because it seems like simpleminded “click bait”- this article would be total bullshit.   It’s not bullshit at all.   You are mostly dead-on accurate.   I am a successful entrepreneur in my twenties, but I essentially owe that success to setting aside my desires for a long-term relationship.   I would not say that I am blissfully single, but I would say that I found a way to be content, essentially through what you describe, and I had no idea I was doing it.   My strong relationships with male friends, the satisfaction of my work, and the freedom I have to go and do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it give me the confidence to never panic for lack of a mate.   I cringe at the thought of women trying to change me or take over my life right now, but I would gladly take a pleasant companion along for the adventure if she could be equally confident in me (and herself).   So far, no such luck, and I’m okay with that.

        2. Allen

          I write to thank you for your civilized reply to an otherwise uncivilized comment from “Jen.”   Hope she or he learns something about communicating.

          Thanks again.  

        3. Tron

          I am a divorced male (52 years old). My ex and I divorced about 17 years ago. I was and have   always have been a very involved dad. The courts and my exwife treated me not much better than a sperm donor. It was very painful but thousands of dollars later I still had my rights to my kid and more time than every other weekend, but not much more. I really loved being a dad and i thought of remarrying and having more kids but when i realized how easy it was for women to walk out for no real reason and distance me from my kid I was too afraid to risk it again. I also was paying child support to a woman who made twice what I was making. Then, when dating, i was usually the one shelling out although I have met some very nice women who were very fair about that. Then I could go home and turn on the TV and listen to women scream about equal rights and how sexist men are. I decided i would pass on the relationship thing for awhile because i have met very few women who really value men and masculinity these days. I also do not like women trying to change me. I am fine just the way I am. If they are unhappy then they can change themselves. I also am tired of woemn jumping back and forth between being modern and being traditional. They are modern when it comes to making money and they are traditional when it comes to shelling out. Also, they do not mind divorce courts reinforcing those old gender assignments when they are awarded primary residence for the child. I do not necessarily like being single more than married but at least I can be me.

        4. Cenia GO

          I can sense the calmness and your professionalism is higlighted!  
          Thank you  

        5. Kate

          Your article insinuates that men don’t feel the need to have relationships, nor value them since they get the majority of what they need elsewhere. So then why do men get in relationships at all? You spend a great deal of time telling women what they’re doing wrong when it comes to dealing with men so enlighten us as to how we’re supposed to make men value us more when apparently they don’t need us anyway.

        6. Evan Marc Katz

          You don’t “make” men value you. You choose a man who DOES value you by making his life better, rather than worse.

        7. Jay

          Kate – The men who want children and want to procreate usually get married. Also, the men who want regular sex every week usually want to get married or stay in relationships. But men do have careers; plus women only want to marry men with careers and jobs; but then women complain when men work too much and ignore them. A woman can keep a man by looking pretty, getting pregnant, sharing career interests, being a good cook, or being really good in bed. Men have careers, hobbies, and sports to distract them. Are you just looking for a gaybff who wants to go shopping and spend 24-7 with his girlfriend?

        8. Rona

          I’m a single female and I agree with the author.

        9. Sass

          A rude response yes but it is true that credible research time and time again has shown not only that marriage benefits men greatly but that single men have much higher rates of suicide and criminality than married men. My personal experience shows that women might dislike being single more than men to a certain age when they decide they don’t want children or children are no longer possible then the reverse happens. My single friends over 40 are far happier than the married ones. But I see men this age who are single pretty miserable, to be honest. Reality is that even if they enjoy being single most of their friends are married so that male companionship they want is harder to come by.

        10. JennLee


          I would submit to you that your friends are an anomaly. My experience is different. Most of the men I know are happier being single than the women I know, especially those who no longer have kids at home, or close by, and even more so for those who never had children.

          Logic alone will tell you the truth in this matter. Look at the magazine covers. Women’s magazines focus on relationships many times over compared to men’s magazines. When a man and woman have a day off from work, and they fill it with watching daytime TV, what are they likely to watch? A man is likely to watch the news, Discovery/History Channel, or ESPN. A woman will likely watch SOAPs, and talk shows.

          Women watch movies that focus on relationships. We affectionately call them Chick Flicks. The SciFi channel hired a woman to be the CEO with the expectation that she would make changes that would attract female viewers. The result is that most men I know now refer to it as the Space Opera channel. The name was also changed to the Syfy Channel. Compare the original Battlestar Galactica to the newer iteration. The newer one is a mess compared to the original. Most men I know will still watch some new science fiction but the really hate it when the relationships start resembling Days of Our Lives, as happened in the new Battlestar Galactica,

          And finally, how many dating coaches are there who specialize in helping men compared to those specializing in helping women? It’s not even close. This is not to say that all men are happy being single nor all women miserable.

          I think everybody is happier in a relationship if it is a good relationship, but most people chase after things that have nothing to do with what will actually make them happy. A 45 year-old man may think that a 22 year old is what will make him happy, but the reality will likely not match his expectations. A woman may think that a man with lot of money will make her happy, but she may rethink that when he is on his 3rd affair.

        11. m

          Jen might not have communicated her point in a not-nice way, EMK, but she’s not incorrect.
          All Newsweek-esque terrorist propaganda tomes aside, there are literally volumes of stats & studies which show both that the happiest men are married, and that the happiest women are single.    
          (And before anyone even asks –   ‘cause I’m busy and have company coming this weekend – Google is your friend.)

        12. m

          ”  You choose a man who DOES value you by making his life better, rather than worse.”

          I’m not quite sure how to take off this highlighting, EMK, so I’m not intentionally trying to besmirch your space.

          But I did want to to say that doing that might well make a man value you … but it doesn’t necessarily make him  *appreciate*  you, or *show* you that he values you.    So I would urge women not to just willy-nilly   run around “making a man’s life better” indiscriminately (unless you just have nothing else to do with your time, or don’t value your time).

          There are a hundred thousand ways we can do that — make a man’s life better, that is — if we’re giving women and know what we’re doing — but I’ve had to flat out tell men “I know I can make your life better.   I’ve already done it because of X, Y, and Z.   What are you willing to do to do the same in return?   How are you willing to show me?”  

          P.S.   My earlier comment had an extra “not”.   I’m sure you figured that out; I just couldn’t go back to edit.  

        13. JennLee

          Google does not return results for peer reviewed research articles.   You find reporter’s takes on them, or simple polls.   Also, often self reporting is used.   The funny thing about self reporting is highly suspect.   For instance, there was a study done using self reporting where highly accomplished people did not report self esteem levels as high as convicts did.   Also, other suspect data may be used, and incorrectly interpreted, such as time to get remarried after divorce.   Women tend to take a little longer.   It would be wrong to assume that they like being single more.   There are many other reasons they take longer, and being the parent with custody is at the top of the list.   Harder to find a new mate when you are not as free to come and go as you please.   Who files for divorce is also not good info because most men don’t believe the courts will be fair.   And I know men who say that being able to stay in the same house with their kids factors very highly into their decision not to be the one to file.
          Here are some articles on psychologytoday.com by a woman who has a PhD who makes this statement, “No study has ever shown definitively that getting married causes people to become happier, and no study ever will.”

          If you are happier being single, more power to you, but then, why are you on a site that caters to women who are not happier single, trying to convince us that we are happier being single than men are?   I explained this before.   If women were happier being single, we wouldn’t dominate the “help me find a husband” blogs, and men wouldn’t dominate the PUA blogs.   We wouldn’t buy millions of magazines each year that are full of articles telling us how to get a man, and keep him, while men buy millions of magazines each year that focus on sports, computers, guns, cars, adventurous hobbies, etc…   Shows aimed at women wouldn’t focus on relationships while shows for men are focusing on other things.   And finally, there is a reason that shows that focus on relationships are called Chick Flicks.   Like it or not, we do care more about being in a relationship, and I feel no shame over it.   I see being OK with being a loner, a masculine trait and not one I want to emulate.   It sickens me when women think they have to out man the men.   Not everything about men is a desirable trait.   Your problem is that you equate this with power.   Well you go ahead and keep focusing on power.   I will not, because power is not the magic key to a happy relationship.   The women I know who are the most obsessed with power are also the least happy.   Always complaining about something.   Never happy.   Not what I want to emulate.

        14. Leslie

          Agreed Evan, thank u for calling it like it is. U r offering advice, if someone disagrees, offer your view, or go read white papers and research findings! Perfect exampl of what u r trying to tell women (and men). Attacking is ineffe communicatio if u r actually trying to genuinel relate to others. That’s my 2 cents!

        15. Don

          I found your article tonight while I was licking my wounds from a recently failed relationship. From my understanding of what you said, it appears spot on! I’ve been married four times and always found the time to celebrate was at the divorce party emediately following the final dicrie! I guess you could say that I’ve no fear of commitment, as I’ve done it enough times. For me in every single marriage, the last straw came when I realized that there just wasn’t enough sacrifice, change and things I could give up in order to keep her happy. It wasn’t so much that I’d been unwilling to give up boats, planes, motorcycles and other toys in order to keep peace in the house. But, I found it to be unreasonable for me to make personal sacrifices while she/they conjured up more excuses not to want sex! Yes, lack of sex in my book is grounds for divorce. I’d say that as a single guy, I have an equal number of male and female friends. When it comes to “friends”, in my eyes, they are all gender neutral. It’s only when a friendship turns sexual that things get weird! For me the only difference between a male aquantence and a female aquantence is, the posability of having sex with her. Other than that one point, the guys and girls are pretty much the same to me, certainly different but, valued equally. Of cource I’ve said all of this, with no delusion of wanting children; that ship having long since left the dock. Still, until death or inability, great SEX will be an endless quest.

        16. Tyler

          You could not have said that any better my brother.

        17. theo


        18. Rodrigo

          Man you are one real deal of a man. Feminists keep ignoring the fact that most women feel disatisfied and lonely if they don’t have a relationship especially by the age 30. They keep throwing around the word equality and that they dont need a man but in fact Women crave more attention than men,   evidence? Check which gender posts more pictures and personal   updates on Facebook more. Women surround themselves with all this male attention in order to not feel lonely or unwanted by men. They may claim they dont need a man but they sure hate it when a man doesn’t need them,hence the attack on pornography by feminists,because they hate it when men can find sexual gratification without them.

        19. Some guy

          He is so right!


        20. Kendall Nkrumah

          That’s a great response to Jen’s attack on your submission. I had a similar attitude when I sent the link to one of my girlfriends. Well, she happens to be single, and I didn’t send it to her because of that. But just by reading the link, she came out strongly accusing me of being mischievous. I thought it was a very insightful piece and I read it to add to what I already know.

        21. Declan


          The “happiest” are outliers in both groups by definition and therefore hold no bearing on the overall average. Don’t make red herring arguments. I will tear them down and embarrass you.

          Also, don’t just tell people to google it. I found plently of studies that find the opposite of what you are claiming.

          You are the minority opinion here. Therefore, the burden of proof is on you. Provide a study or a legitimate argument. Until you do you’re just an emotional mess yelling at everyone and saying they are wrong, but you’re only convincing everyone that YOU are wrong with the way you are handling it.

        22. Kevin

          I think Jen responded the way she did because it would be hard for any woman to hear, though it’s often the truth.

          I also think there’s a lot of men out there that just don’t want to put in the effort. Getting rejected sucks, that’s why women don’t approach (although it helps that often they don’t have to). We’re used to getting rewarded for our efforts (in school, at work, in sex, in sports, in video games). With women we just have to hope the timing is perfect, which maybe has a ten percent success rate.

          Also as you say, “You can tell who these men are because when they’re not with you, you don’t exist. They’ll call you once a week to hook up and that’s all. These guys play on their terms, not yours and are a total waste of time to any woman trying to forge something real and lasting.” These are the men women chase.

          I recently dated this woman for four months when completely out of the blue she dumped me (the week before she was introducing me to her parents). I found out a month later she never got over her ex (the one she said she was unhappy with all the time) and shortly after that she texted me saying with him “there’s nothing there” and with me “everything was perfect, nothing was bad”; two days later she has him in her facebook profile picture. He makes her chase because he doesn’t care that much and she goes bananas. I played the “great guy” and got burned for it.

          But we get burned and we still want to be with women but we don’t want to get burned again and we’re not ready, so we become the guy above and women eat it up like catnip.

        23. Katie Wietmarschen

          Well said Evan!

      2. 1.1.2

        “This article is bullshit. 25 year Kinsey study shows men are unhappier when single.”

        That was then, this is now. I am much happier now than I was when married. Many men feel the same way. Marriage is no longer worth the risk. Want that to change? It won’t until the laws stop making marriage a one sided contract.

        1. Marius

          I must agree, they often state men just want to have sex, I think its more that men don’t want relationships anymore. sex they always wanted, but its their need for a relationship that disappeared.   The simple reason is that although women still have a massive role for men to play, the role sucks and is nothing to be enthusiastic about.  
          For guys being single also suck, but not as much as the ball and chain and women’s expectations and demands of modern relationships.   Not to mention the increasing risks associated with relationships and the uncertain future as things are not getting any better for guys. Ever rising divorce rates and women mostly initiating divorce.   Men feel more secure about their lives and future being single, they have more control over their lives that way.

        2. Michelle

          One sided contract ? That’s exactly why marriage isn’t working anymore. No woman wants to be subjugated to rules he doesn’t follow. Bossiness and abuse is rife. If you want a partner ok, if you want a cook, slave, baby maker, taxi driver, maid, sperm deposit or side chick, then stay single. What woman grows up to aspire to that scenario. Our grandmothers in years past, put up
          With patriarchy and misogyny. We don’t agree that we are lesser than. We expect the man to be as hi is to ‘trick’ the female into relationship in the firsts place. If you trick her, you’re required to keep the charade up because that’s what she married, not the bulky tyrant she wants to run away from!

        3. thom

          totally. I’m 30. Make 200+ a year. Global job, good looks, in shape, Benz. No reason to ever think about giving up 50%+ of what I worked – and took huge risks for. Marriage is 100% out of the question – zero desire (that’s not to say kids and a long term partner are not). Had plenty of sex in my life at this point. Really i’m much much happier being solo, both professionally and personally as well. Mentally it’s astonishing how much clearer I think when not dating. I think a lot of people don’t bother feeling guilty anymore buying into what you are “supposed to do” seeing every institution – government, banks, marriage, religion, fail them.

        4. Bill C

          Also, Kinsey’s study has received a lot of criticism for methods. I wouldn’t put too much faith in his survey of happiness.

        5. Paul

          25 year doesn’t mean it’s 25 years old. It means it’s a 25-year-long longitudinal study.

        6. Thirdformula

          You have to remember, Kinsey lived during a time period where there was social pressure on guys to look for a wife,  and have kids at an early age (early 1900s). If they were still single by the age of 23 or 25, then society would assume he is a homosexual, or something worse. So yeah, that’s why the single ones were unhappy in those days, now that the stigma is lifted and society is a little more enlightened , men are happier being single.

        7. Kristian Mandrup

          In short, when it comes to “relationship”, women have everything to gain and almost nothing to lose. Men have everything to lose and almost nothing to gain. So no surprise men are not  excited by the prospect.  Women have used the government to gain complete legal dominance and power over men and this is now starting to hit home… yet their reaction will always be to double down, as they see themselves as eternal victims when nothing could be further from the truth. Men are not even granted a voice and women/government won’t listen anyways but just answer  with ridicule and disgust to any valid concern or pushback. Go MGTOW!

        8. Lois

          In California if you are a woman you no longer are entitled to alimony if you work. This is what a divorce attorney recently told me so I assume that they know what they are talking about although it was at a party. This is particularly true if they have worked 10 years or more.   However whoever has the children more and if she was a stay at home mom in general (unless she is psycho and there are psycho moms particularly  in Florida lots of pill poppers and anorexics) children know their stay-at-home moms better. That being said, there are many exceptions and kids may want to be with their dad because they DO things with them because at times it is hard for   MANY men to talk to their kids. That was the mom’s job. They can talk about sports. Some just don’t listen to their kids or their wives. They are in their own world and aren’t great communicators.   If men are not engaged in an activity with their kids like soccer games, baseball games or whatever) they may take them to the movies or their grandmothers’ house, but they don’t know what to say, particularly to daughters because men bond with sports talks generally speaking.

          I am a woman who reads business magazines, WSJ, goes to Warriors games but also dances and works out and yes reads women’s magazines at the hair place to see what is in style or what’s new in the world of improving appearance. I don’t know who the models are or actresses on TV. I usually watch movies or Netflix.   I get the NYT, the New Yorker and the Atlantic like my parents before me. I really don’t like being pigeon-holed. I grew up with an older brother and all my cousins were guys that lived near me. I have many guy friends because in high school and college I hung around with both. Some of them liked me but I didn’t realize it at the time but I have no problem having guy friends. Now I have daughters and they are mostly like me because they got exposure to work and possibilities outside the female domain.

          My last long term relationship was with someone who was not present but lived closed to me and I had my kids and my ex husband lived very far away from us.   He was a really good person but had substance abuse problems that went away for years then came back and destroyed him.   He was a good father and teacher to the girls.

          I don’t know what my point is but now I have been single for a year and half and live by myself My girls are grown and married I am not looking for a man I went on match and these are the same guys that were on match 16 years ago and are always on Match when I have perused it.   I know some of them and their pics are very old like almost 10 years old!   I read their bios and the are FOS. I am happy being single now that I have made friends in a friendlier and busier town close to my old town but not as stuck up. There are more single people here of all ages and I work our of my house and never feel lonely.   I never thought I would say that since I have generally always had a boyfriend. The longest break I took was when my ex went crazy and I did not date for 3 years.

          I caution women on match   There are men that do not know how to be in a relationship and just want someone to out to eat with or hike with and see at night or maybe take vacations with, They are not relationship material even if they say that they are and even propose.   They will always find an excuse and you will see them on Match bullshitting about how they like almonds paired with cabernet (who says that)?

          I know it can be done but I think that that window is gone. With Instagram and all else, digitalized pics it seems that some men are more into porn that real women.   The way women respond to this is to have boob jobs even when elderly so they can get a man.   I don’t know if it’s worth all that trouble.

          Why am I on this site now? I just got an email from Evan about this topic and am waiting to go to a dance class and then thought I would comment.   I would love to meet a guy I could talk to about world affairs and sports and have a discussion about these things. This is how I grew up and the last long term relationship started out that way but then the guy is not relationship material. All the guys I worked with told me that. They tried to protect me but I felt they didn’t really know him but they did.   So I wasted a lot of time but we did have good times and traveled. Now he won’t travel due to BPH and getting up n planes to use the restroom. Won’t go to movies and is really cranky. I think that is what that movie with Jack Nicholson was about….Grumpy old men.   I had no idea why since it never happened in my own extended family. The men were happier retired.


        9. Persephone


          I  am a divorce attorney, and I say you are correct!

          In most places it’s going to be really tough to get any kind of alimony / palimony prior to the couple being married for a minimum of 10 years.

          Theoretically, it’s the children that are benefiting from child support. If you   don’t want to have children, you know what to do to prevent that. There’s plenty of information out there on what to do. If you want children   or failed to take the measures to prevent them, you have a responsibility for them. Legally, this money is for the benefit of the children, not for the benefit of your ex-wife.

          I have said this in numerous places, that if you’re so worried about a woman taking 50% of everything you have, then get a prenuptial, or antenuptial agreement.

          I know many, many men who love being in a relationship, and love being married. I’ll use the example of my sister.

          Prior to her marrying her husband, she owned a million dollar house that sits right on the edge of a golf course. Although it’s her second marriage, I think a lot of you men are going to say that she took half of her husband’s house. Reality is, that   husband number one got involved in a lot of things he shouldn’t have been involved in. They owned a business that was worth a lot of money. They were married for a couple decades. Are you guys really serious in saying that it was wrong for her to get 50% of the assets of the marriage?

          The same could be said about her. She could be upset that he got 50% of the assets, and she could be greedy saying that she deserved everything. That’s the same thing that you guys are saying. They were business partners.   She worked her butt off,   probably way more than he did.

          When it comes down to it, a marriage is in some ways like a business. If you’re breaking up the partnership, why should the men get everything? What if they both equally work? Yes, I consider holding down the household,   birthing children, changing diapers, to be hard work.   The partner who stays home to do that while the other one goes outside of the home to earn money is enabling their partner to have that outside job.

          I’d also like to point out that there   sure are a lot of single men here who do not want to relationships, and seem to come here only for the purpose of bashing women, LOL! This is supposed to be a Blog that’s in support of women looking for relationships, but a lot of what I see is a place where women can come just to get bashed. It’s not Evan’s fault,   except that I guess he could change the way he conducts the posting screening process.   But it is kind of interesting to see the thoughts of men, and let those kind of things come out naturally instead of him heavily screening.

        10. Persephone

          As a divorce attorney, I can tell you that it’s not a one-sided contract. You can make the contract anyway you want it,   within reason. What’s written in the law books is just default if you don’t make any other contract   of your own.   Make a prenuptial agreement or an antenuptial agreement,   if it will set would set you at ease.

        11. Aurora Michelina

          I am way, WAY happier being single. I have my freedom, go out when I want, travel when I want and have the friends that I want. It would take such a special man to wedge his way into my life. I get my social needs from my friends. I date different types of men because if you commit to one they lack what another man can offer.

        12. John

          So spot on!

        13. Mina Harker

          Persephone at al,
          Many places don’t have prenuptial agreements. Marriage contracts are generic. For a man to marry a woman who earns less than he does is an incredible risk. It’s standard half your assets plus child support plus alimony. The kind of guys women want to marry have nothing to gain from it. That’s the sad reality.

      3. 1.1.3

          Are you this hostile towards men in your life? Your point about women having more selection of sexual partners, and not being into monogamy is what exactly? Do you think it makes you the superior gender? Good luck with your stellar attitude. I’m sure it will serve you well.

        1. Joshua

          That ego, dude. Come on. She was not being hostile towards men at all. Women in general can definitely find more sexual partners than most me in general. Also, most women get even more bored in monogamic relationships than men. Just the reality, not something that makes the female gender the superior gender, where did you get it from?

        2. Dominic

          @Joshua. That doesn’t even make sense. Unless you are talking about women having relationships with other women, women can’t be having more sexual relationships than men. Because they have those relationships with other men. Sexual relationships between men and women are equal because they are having them with each other. Unless you are talking about homosexual/bi which is something else altogether. Then it would just mean there are more lesbians, than gay men. There probably are a lot more bi-sexual women, so that might make sense.

      4. 1.1.4

        Dream On Jen but sorry, this Article is true as much as it is depressing for women which is why they turn more to anti-depressants.   Twist it any which way you want but these are facts.   I have conversed with over a million people in my lifetime and even in conversations on this very topic, they reinforce the fact that men are more Independent.   I am considered more soft hearted and sensitive than most men as The Sound Of Music is my favourite Movie lol (TRUE); however, I rather stay single than be loved for my money and swim through the waves of drama and conditions laid down by the opposite sex.   One major thing occurred decades ago that caused this chaotic problem we have today and frankly, I am not going there because if I do YOU and other women will deny it or twist it to serve your illogical self- needs to be right.

        1. Kay

          THANK YOU FOR THIS ARTICLE!!!   I am a single 31 yr old woman, and I completely agree with this article.   However, I am struggling with the reality that I don’t want a relationship versus what I “should” want.   I have certain values and beliefs that make it difficult for me to be comfortable with bringing a child into the world out of wedlock, but overall I don’t want to regret missing my window to have a child because that time is rapidly approaching.   I think the break down came when women stopped needing men to get credit (or anything really) in their name; therefore, there is not much need to “put up with” anymore.   Yes, both my grandmothers were married, but both my grandfathers cheated.   That doesn’t mean my grandmothers were happy.   One of those grandfathers never even lived in the home with his wife and children.   He lived with his mother and just “visited” basically.     They just “put up with it”, because that’s what you did back then.   If we go back even further to the 18th & 19th centuries, most titled men or men with money had a wife of good breeding and a mistress on the side.   I would wager that a woman’s unyielding demand for monogamy and true love didn’t come into play until the later part of the 20th century.   This was a time when we could actually demand it; and still maintain our livelihoods if we didn’t receive it.   Now, we have to find new main purposes for wanting to be married.   I personally just want great sex and someone to travel with on occasion; everything else I can pretty much do myself.   I don’t want to talk on the phone every day, spend all my free time, or even waste my mental energy on thinking about another adult.   I’ve also noticed that men in my age group are hypersensitive to thinking I want a relationship when I ask about other women or just checking in on where he’s at mentally.   I just want to be safe and in the know, so I can decide if that’s what I want.   However, I do know that I don’t want a scary man, so once I see that, I bounce.     I definitely struggle with finding my motivation in going through the dating process to find a long term mate.   I am the type of woman that enjoys being alone though, so I’m a little different I guess.   My only purpose for wanting to get married at this time in my life is because I’m a woman, so therefore, I have a time limit on when I can give birth.   If I were a man, I wouldn’t even start having kids until I was like 52, and I damn sure wouldn’t get married unless it was my religious belief.  


        2. Persephone

          John 1.1.4,

          I am a woman who has been divorced for about a year. My ex-husband was full of many conditions and drama. I am a very non drama person, and too easy going to have all sorts of crazy conditions on a man, yet he accused me of being the one full of drama. How do you tell who is correct? His boss and all his coworkers said he was full of drama at work all the time. That makes me think that a lot of these guys who are accusing women of being the ones full of drama are actually the male drama creators themselves.

          I’m not saying that I think the majority of men cause drama. But I think that some men like to put it all on women, especially the ones that congregate on Evan Marc Katz’s blog. Do you guys come here for any other reasons other than than to bash women?

      5. 1.1.5

        Well as a man I feel actually really relieved and free now that my relationship ended. So I can say I am much happier single than with a woman. (Ugh) Women just want too much and get mad from the littlest things. I can’t stand it.  

        1. Cindi Hunter

          No, thats not true for everyone. Its your belief, so keep it.

        2. Chris

          @Cindi Hunter Nothing is true for everybody. Plus this is a place to share your opinion. Why don’t you go away rather than trying to silence opinions your don’t agree with. Typical woman for you.

        3. Thomas

          Omg !!!! Ever since my divorce two years ago, I was able to start a side business, I have two career jobs now, my finances greatly improved, no kids of my own, brand new house, sports car, life is so much better and easier without being in a relationship or a woman that makes you miserable!!

          I am perfectly content with my life now. Being divorced was the greatest gift my cheating ass ungrateful ex wife ever gave me.

          Dont do it fellas, marriage this day and age is a freakin joke…

          These females today with their absurd and unrealistic expectations and conditions but wants a man to accept them with unconditional love and understanding.

          I refuse to live a life based on double standards.

          I rather just date here and there and live my life and accomplish my goals without interference.

          Good day. 🙂

        4. K E

          Could not agree more , much happier as a single dad , even still working FT , I do not have the time , money & above all , inclination to date , besides the vast majority of single women are single by choice. They don’t need / want us & it is the same , genders reversed , women are surplus to male requirements too.

        5. Persephone

          Isaac  1.1.5,

          “Women just want too much and get mad from the littlest things.”

          Sooooo…    because one woman might have wanted too much from you and got mad at little things, all women do? Is that like saying because one black guy robbed a bank, all black guys are going to rob a bank? Or that one white guy shaved his head and got an Nazi swastika tattooed on his scalp, that all white people are Nazis?

          Please be aware that the shoe can also be on the other foot. I’ve been divorced for about a year. The same can be said about my ex. He got mad at the smallest little things, and always wanted too much from me,   meanwhile constantly keeping score. If he perceived the tally marks to be more in his favor, forget about me getting flowers on Valentine’s Day, or him participating it all in Christmas.

          I worked really hard to try to get a business going, my solo law practice. It required many hours of my time, and he knew this before we got married. He was unreasonable in his demands. See? It goes both ways. Neither gender has the Monopoly on assholes. People Are People. We all have our differences.

          Heal your heart, and open it up so that one day you might find the happiness that you need.

      6. 1.1.6

        I think your comment points out another reason women are so unhappy in relationships in america these days. You are right. Casual sex from men out of a woman’s league for a relationship does come very easy for most women. Another reason women are not happy in or out of relationships lol

      7. 1.1.7

        Jen @ 1.1   – Evidence please that women enjoy monogamy less ?   IMHO women who are unhappy in monogamous relationships aren’t unhappy with the monogamy aspect of the relationship, but are unhappy with some other aspect of the relationship.   Perhaps their partner has become non-communicative, hyper critical or unaffectionate.   If she cheats under those circumstances, and I am not saying that is the right way to deal with marital unhappiness, it is not because she was unhappy with monogamy.   She was dissatisfied with the relationship and the cheating was a symptom of that. (again, not justifying cheating, but explaining that is not a symptom of disliking monogamy )
        Also, that greater selection of sexual partners does not make a woman who wants marriage happy, in fact it’s a source of much unhappiness for many women.   An uncommitted sexual encounter, or a string of uncommitted sexual encounters is no comfort to a woman who desires a boyfriend or a husband.

        1. jim hampton

          Mother nature sets the perfect example. The herd bulls go out, mate, then go back to their bachelor herds. Other than sex, men don’t have a damn thing in common with women.

        2. Persephone

          Emerald, you’ve come to a place that is specifically meant for women who want monogamy. That is the audience that Evan is catering to. You’re not going to get a good cross-section of society here. That’s kind of like going to the ” First African Baptist Church”   here in town and saying 100% of the population is black. I have one sister who dearly loves being married, and is married to a man who dearly loves being married. I have another sister who hates being in any kind of relationship. I know a lot of women who don’t like being in a relationship.

          Personally, I love it. I love having a partner to build a life together equally, and share activities with. I was just noticing today driving out of my property, how nice it would be to have someone to share time seeding the road Frontage area near my mailbox, and throwing out straw as cover until the rye grass seeds take root. These are things just a casual boyfriend is not going to help me with. It’s so much more fun when it’s shared. My ex would have liked doing things like that together with me, except his bipolar disorder stood in the way.

        3. Persephone

          Jim Hampton, I say B. S.   on your comment.

          In my experience, a man who claims he doesn’t have anything in common with woman in general, usually seems to have low self-esteem,   or is it very selfish individual who only wants sex.

          Show me a man with good self-esteem, and it’s probably going to be a man who will drive my rented skid steer for 2 hours, while I drive it for two hours, while we get rid of some of the brush that’s growing along the front fence line. It’ll probably be a man who marvels at my backhoe skills that I acquired when I worked in heavy industry. We can go to the John Deere tractor place together and ooh and awe   all over those pretty big green machines. I know plenty of guys who love to ride horses, and they enter roping contest from horseback. I’d love to have a guy that would go horseback riding with me. Not some hokey phony softened lens experience where you’re galloping through the surf on a beach somewhere, but real live horseback riding. I know plenty of women who love to fish, hunt, and four-wheel ride through the mud.

          You just need to set your priorities in what qualities you want in a woman. Do you want a woman you have something in common with, or do you want a woman who just looks pretty and sexy, and sex is the only interest you have in her?


        4. Emily, the original


          Show me a man with good self-esteem, and it’s probably going to be a man who will drive my rented skid steer for 2 hours, while I drive it for two hours, while we get rid of some of the brush that’s growing along the front fence line.

          It sounds like you are looking for a handyman, not a boyfriend!     🙂

          I have a friend who has a serious boyfriend. They do not live together and each have their own homes. Their spouses died years ago. She has been managing her own home for years, but she expects the boyfriend to help her with almost everything that has to do with the household and the lawn. But that’s not his house. I could see asking for help to a certain extent, but her expectations seem unreasonable.

        5. Persephone

          Emily, you are seriously taking this out of context. I was responding to Jim Hampton, who said that men and women have absolutely nothing in common other than sex.
          I wasn’t placing expectations on men to be handymen. A woman that can   drive heavy equipment like this doesn’t really need a man to be a handyman.   She’s just letting him join in for the company, or else she’s joining in with him for the company. Or even better yet, they’re working equally and jointly together for a common goal. I was merely using an example about the many things that men and women certainly could have in common. You don’t think if men and women owned a home together that they could equally do this type of work together without it being considered handyman?
          You are being sexist, also. Maybe it’s the woman that is being a handywoman in my scenario.

        6. Persephone

          And in addition to my last comment, Emily, with your friend who owns a house and expects her boyfriend to help her with yard work and such, I don’t get what’s wrong with it. I suspect that she’s probably going over to his house and doing the same thing. If she was expecting him to come over there and do all that stuff for nothing, that would be wrong. He probably wouldn’t and shouldn’t stick around very long if that were the case. Maybe she goes over there and help him paint the baseboards on his house. Maybe she goes over there and trims the hedges. Maybe it’s an equal trade-off that they’re both cooperating with each other equally.

        7. Emily, the original

          You don’t think if men and women owned a home together that they could equally do this type of work together without it being considered handyman?

          Of course. I wasn’t making a sexist comment.

          And in addition to my last comment, Emily, with your friend who owns a house and expects her boyfriend to help her with yard work and such, I don’t get what’s wrong with it.

          I don’t enjoy that kind of work and I don’t like asking other people to do things I don’t want to do myself. Helping out is fine, but her expectation is that everything she undertakes is also his responsibility. If I’m dating someone, I’d prefer to spend as much times as possible doing fun things.

        8. Persephone

          Emily, my post weren’t addressing what Emily The Original personally likes to do. My posts were response to Jim Hampton, who seem to be implying that no woman ever has anything in common with a man except for sex. Speak for yourself. Maybe that description fits you. It does not fit me.   My man and I would be fighting over who gets to drive the skid steer. And people sometimes get married instead of only dating.

        9. Jim

          It is a great contradiction in that women can jump from one man’s bed to the next, seeking something that surely is beyond her reach; just because it is her option. Women can choose to have more choices sexually than men(at least when young)…. they bleed men dry. And each time they do it they themselves feel used and blame men for mistreating them. How absurd.

      8. 1.1.8

        Evan, that was a very defensive reply to Jen. She was certainly stating my thoughts exactly.

        1. RepublicOfNow

          Of course it’s a defensive response.
          It’s a response that is in defense to her skewed, typical feminist bullshit which was rudely put, and doesn’t even approach the truth.

        2. Rob

          How, and what do you mean by defensive? Facts are a defense to opinionated comments made correct?

      9. 1.1.9

        > 25 year Kinsey study shows men are unhappier when single

        The question is not whether men are less happy when single compared with when they’re in a relationship, it’s a question of who is more miserable when single: men or women.

      10. 1.1.10

        I think women do desire monogamy more, mainly because there is more risk for women sexually. This is why women actually want marriage/relationships for regular sex, and a few get pressured with social expectations too. Although casual sex may be more readily available to the average woman than man, most women don’t want casual sex because it’s high risk, but with low promise of satisfaction. Not only does a woman risk more physically, emotionally and socially with casual sex, she also is less likely to enjoy it as much. Someone mentioned the more difficult to achieve female orgasm….this too is why most women may prefer a repeat partner. Combined with the risk of pregnancy and social shaming, a committed, regular partner is also preferred. Beyond that, we don’t “need” a romantic relationship either, provided we have good relationships with family and friends and satisfying work (What woman is really fulfilled by housework? Very few!). Even desire for children is shrinking as women have more alternatives and social pressure lessens.
        Since men can have casual sex with almost no consequences (they can even be deadbeat dads should pregnancy occur), then that removes much desire for a romantic relationship. Now that women are not property to use and abuse, the marriage deal is not greatly slanted to their favor, so why should they bother? Only those who want spawn and the religious have motivations.

        It’s a bummer to admit it, but nature controls women’s sexuality as much as society has, but if we were not burdened by childbirth them our motivations would be even closer to men’s (as they are already quite close). Hence, the “cougar” – a woman freed from the constraints of being a childbearing age, with her pick of young men to please her when she so desires. Careers and friends and hobbies and freedom are not the sole domain of men anymore, so it’s really the ease of sexual satisfaction that is the crux, IMO.

        1. Mansacks

          yes but here’s the dark underbelly of women: so they prefer sex with a committed partner – supposedly , given the risks they face above. yet once in a relationship, especially a marriage, they’re sexual desire ends too. And this last bit is why men should never get married, because the very part of you that matters the most, your sexuality, gets neglected first. Women as a group need to do some hard introspecting, have the courage to ask some hard questions about their skewed value systems, and come back with a new understanding of what makes a relationship tick for a man.

        2. Shell


          See “childbearing”. Also look into how the “second shift” and hormonal birth control affects libido.

          Married people have more sex than most single people anyway. Your fears are myths. Check the stats out there.

        3. Bee

          Very well put with regard to hooking up: I don’t know of any woman, ever, who engages in that activity. It leads me to believe that the “loose” women must be completely socially isolated: no close friends, no closeness with family, no boyfriend/husband. Maybe that’s why they sleep around – and maybe, like the men who do so, they have serious issues regarding intimacy and emotional health.

          I find casual sex to be repulsive for the same reasons you mentioned. Celibacy is the better alternative, when no committed partner is available.

          The original article itself is very revealing: Generally, men have lower standards than women. However, there is a price to pay for no selectivity (aka desperation): I can’t tell you how many men with girlfriends and wives have tried to come after me. I know their stories. They were lonely, got tired of it and settled for the first woman they found. But then someone they’re really attracted to comes along and lights that long-dormant fire, and man, they could really kick themselves! So you see, EMK, sometimes pickiness is a good thing, in the sense of waiting until you meet someone who really gets you going. Can you imagine how much happier we’d all be if we had the patience to be true to ourselves, and wait for the right person?*

          (* People with unrealistic standards exempted – and that goes out to every average-looking joe who demands that life hand him a supermodel, as well as every ordinary jane who expects a Hollywood celebrity knockoff.)

        4. Russ


          I would bet that for most of those men, it isn’t about having married the wrong woman out of desperation.   For most, it is likely about lack of sex.

          I was just talking with a friend who is 31.   He is very happy with his girl, except for one thing.   Lack of sex.   He said it ranges from once per week to once per month.   He is a good looking guy, and has had no trouble getting women, but he is at the age that he wants to get serious.   I see this relationship as a disaster, because if she is already this out of synch with him, imagine once they have been married a few years.

        5. Laila

          You make assumptions about women’s sexuality that are myth. Women have casual sex and enjoy it. There are men who don’t. It has to do with the individual.

        6. Wolfgang Sprung Jr.

          Women don’t desire monogamy more than men. Women cheat much more than men do. It only appears as though men cheat more because that’s what television manipulates and indoctrinates its viewers to believe in.

      11. 1.1.11

        Yup, women can have more sex than men can, except they don’t want it. It more often has to be the right guy, at the right time. That was the point about men being less selective about sexual partners. If women wanted sex as much as men do, then they wouldn’t have more choices. They’d have about the same number of choices.

        But, I’m sure it’s good for the ego.

        1. Sass

          Conventionally attractive women can. This does not apply to all women. I don’t know why men believe this.

        2. Mike


          Wrong. MOST women have more chances for sex. It’s just that the conventionally attractive ones have it offered to them. Less attractive women have to make their availability more obvious. Some even have to become the aggressive partner.

          And the truth is, even less attractive women would have more opportunities offered by men, but men have learned that most women will say no. So, we’ve stopped asking. The other side of that is, men want sex but they don’t often want a relationship with a woman they have no-strings-attached sex with.

          So, my point stands. Women can have more sex, but they don’t want it as much. That’s like, I can have all the cat food I want, any time I want it. Unfortunately, I want steak. (Actually, I’m a vegetarian – but, I still desire steak!)

        3. g

          yes you are right however woman are also more intuned to their senses and there for being more particular is code for them I believe that men and woman are different and so men can use woman for sex but woman can use men for things and relationships and a place to stay and they do do it to them including abandoning them after they committed to them and it is wrong so I can see why men feel as they do none the less it’s painful for both sexes that they are no longer willing to partner with each other as we need each other. a healthy relationship is more fulfilling than being alone for both men and woman and once you’ve been laid by hundreds of people you will realize there is something missing and deeply shallow about never having a true heart connection with the opposite sex….even so woman and men are forced into this stale position of protecting themselves from hurt wrong so wrong and the culprit is media…..

        4. Persephone

          Mike, I can assure you that women do want it. But women have more to lose. Also, men can get less selective about partners, too. I know of many elderly widows who would happy to have nice young thing for one night. But y’all do not like to think about that. It is equally unappealing for women when old men want 1 night with a 25 y.o. woman.

      12. 1.1.12

        No, Jen. Your reply to this article is complete bullshit. You replied to an article that concludes men are happier single. As it happens, this particular article makes no such claim. In other words, you didn’t criticize the article ; you criticized an imaginary article and pretended the subject of your comment was this article.

        That habit of women is another reason men do not hate being single as much as men. Rather than responding to the actual context and content of a man’s words, you respond to how those words make you feel, even if they are inconsistent with the actual words and are irrational.

        You’re one of the reasons they can get along without us more easily than we can get along without them. Congratulations!

        1. you go anti-jen

          @ anti-jen

          i like your style dude

        2. yarow12

          So I’m not the only one who’s noticed the tendency for (Western) females to not hear what I’m saying afterall. These moments can be very frustrating and are, for me, a great reason to keep females at a distance.

        3. Buck25

          Ding! Ding! Ding! Right on the target! And worth quoting for emphasis:

          ” Rather than responding to the actual context and content of a man’s words, You respond to how those words make you FEEL,”(emphasis mine). Examples of this kind of   female (Non) thinking abound on this very blog, in case there’s any doubt. All ya gotta do, is look! Hell, if we men try, with one or two loaded words, we can even get the resident harpy pack here to respond en masse as predictably as Pavlov’s dogs, regardless of the context, or the rest of the content, which they’ll all blithely ignore.   “How many times have you seen this:   Man posts here, with one politically incorrect word or phrase in an otherwise innocuous post, and …”See? Another bitter man! Absolutely misogynist, MGTOW! We outed this one, girls! Yaaaay! Got the SOB! Gotcha! Gotcha!” I don’t get angry about it at all anymore; the level of irrational emoting is just too ridiculous for that.

        4. Perry

          @ anti jan.   you are absolutely right man, her response is so childish and typically girlish. I just don’t know what women are so obsessed with nowadays, everywhere you turn, women are power hungry, media is circulating with empowering women, that am alright with, but the fact that they do this by rubbishing men is just beyond me, as if they are perfect. Already women are dominating virtually in every sector, throwing the men like trash and spitting on them, yet not satisfied, this is a worrying trend. I just feel bad for them.

      13. 1.1.13

        BS? Sorry no it hits the nail on the head.

      14. 1.1.14

        I don’t agree with you! I am a male 58 years old and having been married I was much happier being single because women want to change you and take away everything you love. My current wife knows I do whatever I want within reason that is why I own another home myself and have a nice red muscle car in the drive way. I will NEVER let a woman try to change me or control me in anyway!
        If a man is single all he has to do is go to mustang ranch to get sex and if he wants companionship get a dog they are much more loyal!
        I see all these women on dating sites saying what they want but offering nothing in return! Women are so full of themselves now days!

        1. Henriette

          I’m genuinely curious, Don. What made you decide to marry a second time when your first marriage was unpleasant and you were so much happier, single? What was it about your second wife that made you decide to try again?

        2. zoe

          ehe Don, and what are you offering ?

        3. Romie

          Why are you on a dating site?

        4. Aurora Michelina

          If a man is single all he has to do is go to mustang ranch to get sex  

          No you have to be hot because today’s women are visual.

        5. Persephone

          Don,   you sound like them male version of my sister. Practically everything you said, she would say the same thing in the inverse about men.

          I’ve given up trying to reason with her that neither gender has the market cornered on frustrating type of people. She constantly makes comments about men being just like children, and that when you have a husband it’s like having another child to take care of.

          What you say about women trying to take things away from men can also be true in the inverse. My now ex-husband tried to take everything away that I loved during our marriage. He even forbid me to step one foot inside of my house of worship.

          I also see plenty   of men who look for women, but then don’t really seem to want to offer a whole lot to them. They all want this fantasy pornstar woman that will   agree to do any sexual act that the men want. As for myself, yeah, there’s   a pretty wide range of what I’ll do if the man takes his time to gain my trust, but a man’s not going to get that kind of thing shortly after meeting me.

        6. Aurora Michelina


          Your response makes it very obvious that you are triggered. I never said anything hateful about men, I simply stated that if it’s not adding to my happiness, why bother. That’s not hate. That’s called self love. Just because I think much of what is written here is jibberish and have expressed it in a certain tone, does not give you enough to say you know very much about me. You seem to very sensitive to my words and it’s seems your taking what I’m saying on a personal level.

          I’m very opinionated and sorry if that offends you, but this is the internet. I’ve been married and we were not compatible, then engaged but Iost him to an accident. At this point, most of the men I meet are self centered.

          As far as my comment about men needing to be hot, I wasn’t never able to be bought because I always needed to Ben physically attracted to a man. I only seek sex for my enjoyment.

          You’re the one who seems very clueless and very angry.

        7. Buck25


          Not that I owe you any explanation, because I was NOT addressing you; but my response to that poster was INTENDED to be patronizing, because her tone (and this isn’t the first time, nor I am I the only one to note it) was immature, and frankly calculated to inflame, not question, or inform; as her gloating “triggering” post clearly shows, she’s here to (a ) vent her spleen, and (b) take thinly veiled verbal potshots at men, intending to incite argument, then post a “gotcha” response. This is a relationship blog, for women, (and those men) interested in finding a long-term relationship. Evan’s readership in mostly female; however that does not mean this blog is or should be a misandrist echo chamber. I don’t care whether you like what I say, counselor, but if you were fair-minded, you’d have to admit that I’m not half as nasty in tone or verbiage, as certain female contributors here have been, and on occasion, still are. As it is, if you actually read most of my posts on this blog, you’d know I’m a long, long way from being a misogynist. You can find posts of mine intended to provoke discussion; you can also find some where I offered kind words and empathy to a female poster struggling with dating, and relationships. I generally don’t come here to pick fights, but, when some misandrist female here obviously wants to start one, I don’t run from one, either. I didn’t make that poster a “target” (she did a fine job of putting that bullseye on her backside, all by herself).   You give me that inviting a target, and I’m apt to toss a verbal rotten tomato at it . I might add I’ve done the same to certain male posters who came in firing gratuitous nastiness without any provocation. In any case, Evan can ban me any time; YOU, however, cannot. That is all.

      15. 1.1.15

        I am 50yrs old & this article probably describes almost Every man I have ever met!!! It seems the only men that are likely to get into a relationship are the less attractive men. That we must settle for
        Less in order to have a long term relationship.
        Sad that this article seems SO true in my experience.

        1. Aurora Michelina

          Not true. I see plenty of married attractive men. I haven’t found it in me to want to commit to one though because I don’t want to settle for just any piece of ass. I don’t like men trying to change me.

        2. Buck25

          If a man is single all he has to do is got to the mustang range to get sex.

          No you have to be hot, because today’s women are visual


          Here honey, let me help you get that foot out of your mouth here (has to be uncomfortable for ya, don’t ya think?). You see, the place Don is talking about is a house of prostitution, and while they do screen their clients somewhat, I don’t believe “hot” is one of their criteria for the men they service. Empirical observation informs me that most hookers, escorts, “sugar babies” and many assorted “gold diggers” don’t care as much about “hot” as they do about cold hard cash (or in some cases, other  “luxuries”).   The fact is, a man can quite literally buy sex, if and when he wants, with the quality of the sex and the woman providing it limited only by his bankroll. See how that works?

          Men with our attitude get these types of men triggered, lol!

          Aurora, sweetie, the only thing you “trigger” in me, aside from laughter at how apparently clueless you are about men, is pity for the angry misandrist rage that permeates your every post here, (though I guess it fits the angry picture that you use as an avatar). Resentful much, honey? I hardly think you’re in a position to refer to anyone else here, male or female, as “bitter”, as you appear to have the market cornered on bitterness all by yourself. In reference to my earlier comments in this post, let me tell you that while I haven’t personally seen the inside of a cathouse in forty-odd years, if I had to choose between what I can get there, and having sex with any woman(however beautiful) as angry, resentful, and full of bile and hatred as you seem to be, I think I’d choose the cathouse (the hookers are more pleasant company). I have just the teensiest suspicion that I’m not the only man who has read your vitriol and come to the same conclusion, so you might consider doing yourself a favor and revising the attitude. If you act that way in real life, well, I just don’t think you’ll find many quality men (“hot” or not) hanging around you. No man with any real options is going to tolerate such a screeching, raging harpy for long when there are plenty of women who don’t act that way (and there are).

        3. Persephone

          Buck25, you are a good example, with your most recent post here, of those men who come to these boards specifically to seek out a Target female,   and give her “what she has coming.” It is beyond my comprehension my Mr Katz allows men like you to remain, and his blog seems to draw you like flies.   You are in “our house,” as this post is for the women. When you go to someone else’s house, you should learn to behave toward them.

          Much of the content in your recent post is not objectionable. It is your delivery. In calling Aurora “Sweetie”, and “Honey,” your intent is to be patronizing. And as for her photo, I’m sure she did not place it there for a male’s viewing pleasure. You remind me of one of those men who come up to women and say “smile”, as if we supposed to be walking by   for no other reason except for your viewing pleasure,   looking like an attractive smiling nubile nymph, or else we have no value in life.

          You are the one with the attitude that is inappropriate here, not Aurora.

          While it’s not up to me who gets to be here and who doesn’t, if it were up to me you would be out on your can. If you could communicate a similar thought process, while doing it in a more respectful way, I would welcome you.   Again, I remind you whose house you’re in.

        4. Aurora Michelina


          I also forgot to mention, many single men are not looking to sleep with prostitutes, gold diggers, etc. but I have seen women who are all about the money, call girls, gokdiggers, whatever, choose also based on looks because if they can choose between the two, why not choose the better looking man who is willing to pay over the less attractive man.   Never had my foot in my mouth. Perhaps you’re looking at your own shadow.

      16. 1.1.16

        if a woman is good looking and independent and able to take care of herself financially which I have been most of my life and in fact even if she isn’t any of those things it is way easier for woman to get men the woman who is overweight and desperate for sex only but as a single woman? I have had more men after me than any guy is going to muster up any dy of the week and on that note I am not desperate because I have way more options. I wouldn’t take them unless I figured out I was in a bad relationship/ I want to know whether a relationship is going well earlier on because I am not going to continue to invest myself in a relationship where I take the shaft I know what I want and if he isn’t willing or receptive next marks the spot doesn’t mean I can’t fall in love it means I won’t continue to unless that guy is showing a genuine interest. I to can have my needs met outside that relationship and I don’t hate being alone I enjoy it I think a bad relationship is by far worse than none at all, apart from being horny which I am also I think about sex every day though society says as a woman I am not suppose to and I am positive I have a higher libido than any guy could keep up with…

        1. Steph

          This only reinforces the view that men have of women. Hurry up and commit isn’t going to work for the majority of guys. Why not take slow and actually get to know each other before rushing for church bells? It’s like so many women are desperately racing for that magical preordained moment.

        2. Aurora Michelina

          Right on sista!! These people here are in denial. Women with our attitude get these types of men triggered lol!

        3. Persephone

          Steph,   maybe this will shock you because you don’t seem to think outside of your own existence, but women have the same problem. There are a lot of men out there who want to hurry up and commit.

        4. Persephone

          G, I’m a little bit overweight myself, and I still have no problems. Even being overweight   from too many hours sitting at a desk, I can tell when people are looking at me, because men’s heads shoot up from their meal when I walk by in a restaurant. I don’t dress particularly alluring,   but simply stylish. But yeah, there’s a lot of choice out there for women.   But the trouble is those men in the restaurant are usually with someone who I imagined might be their wife or long-term partner.   These men need to be more polite to their partner.   it’s also discouraging, because I’ve had numerous men show an interest in me making me think that they are single.   I am absolutely not interested in a married man.

          And I don’t care how buff, fashionably dressed, or charming a man is, if he has an attitude like some of the men on the Evan Marc Katz blog display, I wouldn’t be interested in them, either.    I’m not going to judge the entire male gender by them. Most men I meet have quite wonderful personalities.

          And yes, I also have a higher libido than anyone man can keep up with. It’s torturous.   I say this jokingly, but do you think saltpeter would work on women?

      17. 1.1.17
        j-pierre mercier

        a woman can get sex anytime she wants. simple as that. men love jellyroll and if a woman offers it to a man, he’s gonna jump at it. it’s a lot more work the other way around. i’m sure a lot of women feel used, all the same, if there isn’t some kind of emotional connection with her lover. not all, some.

      18. 1.1.18

        I highly doubt you would react so defensively were you not knowing it to be true, Jen.
        Studies conducted by Feminists and Women’s Studies groups don’t count by the way; they are skewed.
        You wear your insecurities on your sleeve, SJW.

      19. 1.1.19

        Jen, it’s true women have more selection of sexual partners, hence why they cheat more. Not to mention are far more selfish when it comes to relationships and having a family etc. Since they also know they control relationships and sex, they tend to be far more arrogant than men. Men are also more likely to give most women a chance for something to develop in terms of a relationship, whether the woman is rich, poor, cleaner etc. The same cannot be said for women. Most women don’t even look at a guy unless he has money, status or something of value. These aren’t stereotypes, this is a fact. I have seen it numerous times personally in my relationships, as well as friends and family.

        1. SparklingEmerald

          Wow – Are they having a sale on broad brushes at the stereotype store ?

          Since you state that your biases are “facts” can you post a link to a credible study that women cheat more ? Every study I have ever read on the subject says men cheat more.

          And it’s mostly male commenters who come on this blog and go on an on about how they shouldn’t have to abide by monogamy and how unnatural it is, and that women should just accept that and not expect a man to be monogamous.

        2. Persephone

          Sparkling Emerald, I know what you mean! This blog seems to attract some very bitter type of men. This seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy for our poor friend, Norbert.

      20. 1.1.20

        That’s nonsense. I’ve been single for 6 years now and happier than I’ve ever been. I’d   love to know what study you’ve conducted that trumps being a happy single guy and where that grants you the authority to criticize someone else’s opinion. Write your own article if your so knowledgable on the subject.

      21. 1.1.21

        Jen your full of shit, women need to be in realationships because you have no fucking hobbies, not all ,but most women are super needy. When men are more like lone wolfs, girls get lost on there own, I’ve had girls tell me that all girls are crazy and they are talking about their own sex,   something wrong right there lol. Girls think to much aswell, overthink everything, they think themselves into a bad mood or into a problem when in reality there is no problems, I agree with what was said, films like the notebook and p.s I love you give women false hope, they are films, no different to Godzilla is a film and just as realistic. I think men seem happier single than women are. Plus women are looking for a relationship to much and jump in to quick and then complain when it didn’t work out, so give it some more thought before you enter a relationships and you maybe won’t be so disapointed with the outcome. I think men take more time about picking their girlfriends, therefore are more happy with them.

        1. Persephone

          Jack, I’m questioning on who the real party is who is full of it. Not all men have hobbies, either. Many women do have hobbies. When I had a hobby, my whole marriage was spent with my husband trying to make me give up every hobby that I had.   Now that I’m divorced, I’m finding an awful lot of men who are super needy. What I really see is going on here is that somebody might have a relationship problem, and not be able to see the situation from any other vantage point than their own.

      22. 1.1.22

        Just to clarify men in relationships, i.e married men, live longer and have more satisfying lives, thats true….if they stay married. What the Kinsey study doesn’t highlight is that divorced men have the shortest life expectancy of all men. They are also 3 times more likely to commit suicide than single men and financially live poorer lives than single men.

        So it appears marriage is good for men but divorce is a disaster…. as in its better to be single and never married than it is to be divorced.
        Only problem is almost half of all marriages end in divorce and 70% of divorces are initiated by women and the overwhelming these divorces are no fault divorces, as in there was no cheating or abuse…just unreconcilable difference.

        Its a tricky one.

        1. j.-pierre mercier

          you can learn to love yourself enough to bypass the woman. they just high maintenance and dangerous playthings. the comedian bill burr wondered, relative to skydiving, if you knew that half of the parachutes don’t open, would you still jump? the deck is stacked against us if the relationship just doesn’t to wofk out. women won’t acknowledge that. fine, i”ll never argue with a woman again. meanwhile, MGTOW, and women hate it.

        2. Persephone

          Sometimes one party or the other wants to be the plaintiff by agreement. That skews whatever numbers or percentages they say on who initiates a divorce. I am an attorney. There is pressure to keep bad behavior put of divorce papers. It is bad for the kids, who will ome day read them, as they are public record.

        3. Aurora Michelina

          70% of divorces are initiated by women  

          Thats because women are realizing that they were happier when they were single.

        4. Alex

          Thats because women are realizing that they were happier when they were single.
          Homosexual men have a lower divorce rate than heterosexual, and lesbian women have a higher divorce rate than heterosexual. Literally the more women in the marriage the higher the divorce rate!

      23. 1.1.23

        As a man this was a decent read, men can be as unhappy about being single, some more so, but the article was a generalization, and while 98% of the time I actually love being single, on occasion I miss being in a relationship.

        I can actually identify with most of what he said.

        1. Aurora Michelina

          SparklingEmerald – please reread what I wrote before you call me anti-relationship and ESPECIALLY anti-male because I have not said one thing to make me look that way.

          ”This is why I choose to be single, because unless a man wants to understand and accept women for who they are, they don’t deserve commitment from me.”

          Sooooooo, it seems to me you are saying that I should be with a man who won’t accept me for who I am. Is that what you call a healthy relationship? If so, then I can’t even take your response seriously. And yes, men are very into me, but these days men are very selfish and I’m an amazzzzzzzing woman. Why should I lay my pearls before swine and commit to a man who won’t appreciate me? Again, if you think that makes me anti-male, it would Jen very silly for me to take you seriously.

          As far as this angry picture lol, it’s an attitude picture.   I’m not one of these one dimensional simpletons.

      24. 1.1.24

        My experience is that asian women understand and accept men a lot more than western ones.   This is just my experience. Hence I am seeking an asian woman to be my partner.

        1. Persephone

          Drew, this potential “yellow fever” or fetishization of Asian women causes me to wonder whether a Western suitor is interested in an Asian woman as a person, or in the expectations surrounding the Asian Mystique….the fantasy of the exotic, indulging, decadent, sensual Oriental who will indulge you and delight you with the decadence and servility that no women in your own culture could.    It is not that she would understand you, but rather she was taught to be more servile to you, as Eastern cultures tend to be more Patriarchal. Please realize that sexualised objectification of East Asian women, with some equating yellow fever to racism, is rooted in colonial ideas of power and submission. Quite distasteful to Asians.  

        2. Aurora Michelina

          This is why I choose to be single, because unless a man wants to understand and accept women for who they are, they don’t deserve commitment from me.

        3. SparklingEmerald

          Aurora – This is why I choose to be single,

          I see many angry anti-relationship posts from you, along with an angry picture.   If this is really your attitude, I can’t imagine men are lining up to commit.

          I do hope you get over what ever it is that is making you so angry.

          If you are so anti-relationship and anti-men, why are you on this website ?????

          Me thinks the lady doth protest to much.

        4. Alex

          Asian women can be more feminine and they age slower because their diet is better than the standard American diet. There are many women that want to be with a Western Men and since its mutual I say go for it! The cost of living is very low in Vietnam, Thailand, and second tier cities in China so if you want to start your own IT company its much cheaper there than in America.

          Although some Japanese women have been mean to me and I’ve seen them go crazy, they can be extremely feminine and nice which makes me want to try harder at being a good man. Japanese is a very exotic language, and although most Japanese girls prefer you to speak English to them, there are many who will converse and teach you the awesome Japanese. Many Japanese females like playing console video games too. Making friends with Japanese men is really hard though…

      25. 1.1.25
        j.-pierre mercier

        i’d like to add to what evan wrote. in my case, as a 60 yr. old male, how does “no investment, no return” sound? no expectations, no disappointments, no having to start over(ho hum) when things don’t work out.
        peace. no crockpot, the relationship, to generate conflict and crises, which then have to be resolved. nothing to question nor to be questioned, things that women just love to do. always needing to have something to resolve or work at. can’t leave well enough alone. it becomes stressful and exasperating. i don’t need anything, relationshipwise, that is stated above. nothing that women claim they have to offer. nothing. in the long run, the benefits of being single outweigh anything that the effort required to be in a stable union can bring.
        it has nothing to do with material stuff. i”m 60 for christ’s sake. i’ve moved past that and i was never there much anyway.
        all in all, in my opinion, women grossly exagerate their worth to men and over evaluate themselves. it’s evident in the profiles and descriptions on dating sites. i cancelled my subscriptions because i just couldn’t reach what was on the pedestal. and no, not sour grapes. the feminist movement has caused women to have an unrealistic view of themselves. maybe in a generation or two, they’ll be back down to where men can really appreciate them as partners. in the meantime, you’ve got cats, haagen-das, and warm pyjamas. and fwb.

        1. liakmin

          Would someone please elucidate on how the “feminist movement” is somehow responsible for unhappy grown little boys? If anything, I should be unhappy about the feminist movement because  previously I didn’t have to make ANY money, men would handle the bills, take out the trash and manage household repairs, thank you very much but now I have to earn a living and wait on an adult male hand and foot? How is this somehow bad for men? Also, pre-feminist movement, it was an absolute given that if a fellow started screwing around on the side he would be on the hook for alimony. Now, since we have to hold our own jobs anyway, it is unlikely that   any support would be provided after a divorce.

          Thank heavens for cats and ice cream because they provide much more comfort and support than the current crop of baby-men.

      26. 1.1.26

        Maybe you should cite your sources Jen. We are all waiting to see them.

      27. 1.1.27

        Jen… Just because you say something, doesn’t mean your at all important. Your not. The entirety of this article expresses that men have requirements for a stable relationship. Also, feminists like you put out all the BS stats and studies so don’t think about opening your mouth again without being told the truth.

        With respect… Men created the Declaration of Independence, the Mona Lisa, music, science, math, the bill of rights, fought for you, died for you. All you can do is complain it seems. In short we created this world and we have the power to end it. Don’t think your values have Any merit on what we say, think, or so. It’s your opinion. So be quiet and recognize free speech.

        1. jd08

          Lol I love this argument. “Men created everything.” As if other men’s inventions are some credit to you because you happen to have been born a man.

          A small minority of extremely intelligent men created everything (and a few women despite what you want to believe). 99% of all men who’ve ever walked this planet never invented a thing. Never ran a company or a country, never cured a disease.

          You don’t get to share credit with the men who invented electricity, solar power, fiber optics, whatever, just because you too have a dick.

        2. lisalin

          1. Man did not create the world.
          2. Men who have been creative have done so for the most part, in the time periods you are referencing, because a woman was taking care of his children, food and dirty underwear.
          3. You are conveniently passing over women like Joan of Arc, Madame Curie and Catherine the Great, to name a few.
          4.   You are also buying into the idea that many ideas stolen from women, like the structure of DNA, rightfully belong to men. This is part of the problem, not the solution.

          Salus University




          /* Style Definitions */
          {mso-style-name:”Table Normal”;
          mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
          font-family:”Times New Roman”;
          mso-bidi-font-family:”Times New Roman”;

          5. “So be quiet and recognize free speech” is an oxymoron. But perhaps you should follow your own advice.

        3. lisalin

          Evan, when I read nonsense like this time and again, I continue to question whether there are sensible men who are still available.

        4. Ester

          Your = belonging to, You’re=   You are

        5. Laila

          Typical Western attitude. It’s not just women you think are clueless about creative and science/math abilities, but also other races and cultures , who were way ahead of you, while you were caveman , they advanced in culture, science and math. And bother to see for yourself about the female mathematicians in ancient culture to present. The all ‘powerful’ American male, who lives in his made up world of ‘superiority.

        6. Persephone

          Brian, you are making me crazy. Do you have a problem with feminism? I hate hate hate it when men say, “feminists like you.” If you are not a feminist, I have problems with you.

        7. Persephone


          I know many men and women who agree with Jen, including myself. That doesn’t mean there isn’t any merit to what EMK is saying above. Men   who come to my office   ( a divorce attorney) take divorces harder than women.   The men cry and the women do not. Then when the men come back after child custody modifications, they still seem to be miserable being single again, even years later.   I’m not trying to get in some competition with anyone on who’s right and who’s wrong.   I’m okay if you don’t agree with me.

          Are you not a feminist? Is there something wrong with being a feminist? I really hope that you are one, as well, is every decent man that I ever met is a feminist, but he’s taught to misunderstand what the word means.

      28. 1.1.28


        Please see below results of research


        “Specifically, whether men remained married or got divorced had little to no affect on their life satisfaction ”

        When compared to your referential group “men are unhappier when single” you can find a basic major error which can be summed up as following:

        1. Happier men enter marriages then stay single

        2.  Marriage has no effect on men happiness.

        The implication  is simple: Men who are deciding to enter  long term relationships are generally  more optimistic and happy in life, when compared to those who stay single – but marriage has no effect on their happiness. They are happy regardless.

        1. Steve

          I have to call b.s.! I’ve been married, now divorced. I was happy prior to the marriage and during the first couple of years into the marriage.

          It is so true about women not wanting sex once they get you! Dry up like a raisin. Headache, so tired. Blah blah blah.

          Anyway. She filed for divorce. Around 75% of all divorces in America are filed by women. Yeah, I was depressed, caught off guard, sucker punched. Took some time to get over. It’s been 17 years since the divorce. I’ve been happy as hell single. Do what I want. Go where I want. Burp, fart, scratch in my home without having to be put down! I can go to see a play that I want to see. Dinners with friends without juggling.

          Ive dated some. Just not worth it. By the third to fifth date, women get weird stress! Where do I see this relationship going? It’s only been a few dates you wack job! Women are to stressed for men.

        2. lisalin

          Steve: “Burp, fart, scratch in my home without having to be put down!” Well have fun with that, you know, the important stuff. Men have sex to have sex, most women have sex to feel loved. Most women stop feeling loved after marriage because  the guy changes and no longer makes any effort to make her feel valuable. Then she stops wanting sex from the guy who no longer makes her feel loved. And that’s also why women  initiate the  divorce. It’s not rocket science.

        3. Thomas

          Lisalin: maybe if women werent so damn needy, controlling, needing constant reminding about being told something 20 minutes ago so they wont feel vulnerable and insecure, trying to change a man into something or someone he has no desire to be rather than not allowong him to he himself, trying to meet your absurd expectations, etc.

          Then yeah, I would have fun with that too.

          You women are stress enough…. the only thing that should stress me is my job… not coming home to more stress as soon as I walk in my own home…

          I swear these females kill me playing the victim role when they are the common denominator of all of their failed relationship experiences…

      29. 1.1.29

        Yes , women do have a far bigger selection of sexual partners for 2 main reasons , 1) There are more men than women in the prime reproductive years, as considerably more boys are born than girls.   2 ) The male sex drive is far stronger than the female , a large percentage of women are asexual & most women are indifferent to sex. But men are NOT unhappier when single , I’m a single dad & am far happier than when married , no more constant complaining & foul moods , plus she never pulled her weight in any way !!   I intend to stay single permanently , plus I’m realistic too , no woman wants a single dad !!

        1. Pol E Anna

          US adult population is majority female not male 51 v 49%

          the male sexual drive has nothing to do with the number of sexual partners available to women.

          Glad youre happy single though.

        2. Nat

          I wouldn’t say no woman wants a single dad. I think I have a nice look and personality, and I’m dating a single dad (just one kid, though). To be perfectly frank, would I rather he be a non-dad, all else being equal? Yes I think so. But I’m not holding out for a “perfect” mate. I’m happy he’s more compatible with me overall than a lot of the single non-dads out there, and that’s enough for me to be happy dating him. I think there are many other similar women out there. (Many of us won’t date a guy who’s terrified of marriage though lol)

        3. Persephone

          KW, I am divorced, no kids (but always wanted them).   A man having 2-3 kids is a bonus.   Kids are fun.   It is not true that women do not want to date single dads.

          As for foul moods, it works both ways. Not all women are moody, and not all men lack moodiness.   Just b.c. you had a bad experience with yours, does not mean all women act like that.

          If a man has a stronger sex drive than mine, may someone please help him.

      30. 1.1.30

        You know  , speaking of the   Kinsey study.     Wasn’t that the one that said a child could have orgasms as early as three years old.   I may be wrong, but how did they know that, unless someone was masturbating a child.   But, Jen you do illustrate a symptom of why men don’t want a serious relationship.   Some man told you exactly what he was feeling and thinking   and you told him he was wrong.   Well, there you go.   I am not going to spend more than a minute   with any woman who does that.   Also, women don’t understand that from about age 16 to 40, men pick who they want to be with, and women chose from those who picked them.   But, something happens after age 40.   After 40, men stop just trying anything to be with a woman.   So,   the roles become reversed. And, then woman start to pick, and men get to choose who they want to be with.   Look at it this way.   Remember when all the guys   would do anything to be with a pretty girl in high school?   The girl pretty much ignored them or  dated   them without any real concerns for how deeply “in love” they were.   Well, now the roles are reversed!   And, if you don’t have a good man in your life that you work to keep by the time you are 40, then chances are you may never have one.   Sorry

        1. Callie

          Wow. That really really sucks for the not pretty girls then who no one ever hit on in highschool then huh?

        2. lisalin

          Callie: Obviously. Right there with you girlfriend.


        3. Craig

          Look, here is the bottom line.   I am 50 and I get hit on all the time.   I don’t puts ads on dating sites or put out the “vibe,” it just happens.   I am also not “God’s gift to Women.”   What women don’t realize is that many men after age 40, not only get hit on by woman their age, but also younger women.   So, like young women in their teens and twenties who had so many guys chasing them, and became very picky in who they chose to be with; now, men at this age have many women chasing us.   And, we have become picky.   We now have the options.   Its not that we don’t want a relationship, we are now the chased not the chasers.   If a man doesn’t want a relationship with you, don’t take it personal.   He now has so many options; like you probably did when you were young.

        4. Pol E Anna

          And then there are the men no one wants at any age…


          Also, your child masturbation comment was hella creepy.


      31. 1.1.31

        It’s not bullshit, Marc is spot on! We don’t NEED a relationship at all.   I can do what I want when I want, with who I want! I have goals I want to achieve, if I find someone that is okay with that them fine but I’m not going to give up something I’m passionate about to suit someone else, and I’d expect you to be the same!

        Some guys don’t like being single but I don’t really mind. I’d rather be single and free to pursue a career or lifestyle that I’m passionate about than be with someone & stuck living a life I hate or can’t change!

        If I meet someone I want to get into a relationship with great, it may happen, but I don’t NEED it to be happy!

        The other factor on the horizon is MGTOW, after third wave feminism less guys will want to bother with marriage or committed relationships! Things are just evolving, as Valmont said…”It’s the way of the world”

      32. 1.1.32

        Kinsey was a fraud and a social engineer.   He was diagnosed with mental illness and there is reason to believe that he was a paedophile.   Find out where his funding came from.    The state of modern so-called relationships between men and women in the USA has been determined by 3rd wave feminism,   corporations, ad agencies, the internet, hollywood programming, and lies aimed at reducing the number of free births.   Replacement births from European-Americans are at the lowest recorded.

        1. SQ

          Free births?

        2. lisalin

          SQ – Births that only count if they are European-American, too. Is Spanish descent included I wonder? I liked the part about corporations controlling my relationships and that the most sexist entities, ads, hollywood and sometimes the internet are behind feminism! 😉

        3. SQ

          lisalin, more red pill garbage with a little racism thrown in 🙄


      33. 1.1.33

        your comment defies logic. men would never spend 30,000 on a single day’s fun… especially when usually, by the end of said ‘fun’ they are are too tired to get to the real fun (sex) and fall asleep. in case i am being to vague, weddings are freaking expensive and yet every day, somewhere, people are spending millions of dollars on them. guys would much prefer to spend that money on something more lasting than a doomed relationship. this i just a hunch, but i would wager that marriage longevity is inversely proportionate to the amount of money spent on the wedding. women dream about their weddings all their lives. every woman i talk to tells me how they cry themselves to sleep at night. what you are referring to is the phenomenon that takes place AFTER the woman finally does manage to get married. it just seems that women don’t really want marriage… they have a biological need for children. and marriage is the acceptable gate to meet that goal. there’s lots of immoral sluts with children out of wedlock who go to bed quite content at night. they are going to hell, but they don’t know it so they sleep soundly. but by and large, people accept that marriage is the honorable, moral path to parenthood. that’s the path we all want to take. (most) men don’t worry about dying alone as much as women do. they don’t obsess as much about not having a family. they don’t freak out until they are 80 in a nursing home and the person who knows them best changes their bedpan. so the issue really, is that you’re only partly right, at best. men freak out about being alone, but at a different point in their life than women. also, your assessment of women’s sexual prowess is skewed as well. if you’re one of the lucky minority of women who doesn’t resemble jabba the hut, then you may have multiple men wanting to bang you. but the majority of women are complete slags who will take whatever they can get. they are pump and dumps who get tossed about without even the slightest chance of finding a meaningful relationship. so on the average, they may have more sexual partners, but would you really call what i described as ‘being better off’ or ‘happier when single’? in that light women seem rather sad and pathetic and not to be envied.

      34. 1.1.34

        Nonsense. You are just spouting propaganda.

      35. 1.1.35

        Not true at all. Most men are more unhappy in a relationship.There is so much to worry about with women who are always on edge. Modern women are also far to demanding and needy.

        I’d much prefer a woman who didn’t care for monogamy as much.I’d love a women who wasn’t such an emotional slave master. Until women become more like the women of the past, i’ll pass.

      36. 1.1.36

        This article is bang on.

        I have always been happier single than in a “full time” relationship.I never understood why my wife never wanted me to do things without her. I would try to do things with my guy friends and she would get upset.I would say, why aren’t you going and having fun with your girlfriends? We still did lots of things together, but always with other couples. There way no guy time. And every girlfriend I had   was like that.

        We might still be together if she had kept some part of her life for herself instead of trying to make us into some kind of siamese twin.

        I am now divorced and not even sure if I want to date again. I will just hang out with my kids when I have them and go have a beer with my buddies on occasion, the ones that are allowed to see single friends anyway.

      37. 1.1.37
        stephanie jones

        That’s bullshit! Once a man has a serious relationship and lives with a girl. He sees the true side of craziness and is always questioning his reason for being their, since the sex everyday has stopped. The emotions are easier to handle if he is getting laid. The honey to do list are completed quicker when sex is still happening. Think about dating a guy that   has great communication skills and then one day decide she wants to only communicate once a week. You would think, well this is bullshit. That’s the same thing for a guy. Men NEED to orgasm DAILY. Just like women need to have many conversations. A guy can go to his buddies house and say 5 words that will last for 6 hours. And 4 of those words are hey fucker and latter bitch. Pussy power is real. Men need to feel needed for their strength and penis. Don’t give him that and you have a zombie on autopilot around the house. Kinsley should read this

        1. Thomas

          Stephanie!!! Finally a woman that commented on a mans behalf and is spot on!!!!

          There is hope in this world!!

        2. K E

          Is this comment REALLY from a woman …if so you give me hope. Most women simply do not care , as I have commented , female sex drive is far , far lower than the male …due to testosterone levels , however we CAN go without and do not need to orgasm daily , we are not slaves to our sex drives. Thank you for being aware of the male POV , most women are negative towards and dismissive of men.

      38. 1.1.38

        truth !!!!

      39. 1.1.39
        Samuel Morlenheim

        Men today are forgoing women by the droves because women bring needless drama and heartache into a man’s life.

        Men are much better go going through life SOLO and avoiding the pitfalls of the marriage trap, baby trap, and all the other  areas femininsts have destroyed making it a negative for any man that values “success”.

        Samuel Morlenheim

        Author “Man Solo: Living in a World Where Women Simply Aren’t Worth the Rewards”


      40. 1.1.40
        Michael Onyango

        Why so bitter about an opinion? Opinions shouldn’t hurt, unless it has some element of truth.

      41. 1.1.41

        Actually you’re wrong.   This article is VERY accurate and spot on.   It’s much easier for a man to be single than a woman.   Women are way more emotional and have a inner NEED for relationships.   It’s not being sexist but that’s just how women are naturally built.   To be caregivers.   The only exception in this is if a man is a Christian or Religious person it’s more difficult to be single because there are moral reasons and obligations to be married, etc.   However, if he is not religious, he doesnt mind paying for sex/companionship and then doesnt   have to worry about all of the emotional attachments, arguments and crap that comes along with a girlfriend.   They can keep busy with their work, hanging with buddies, activities, etc.

      42. 1.1.42

        That study lumps divorced in with the never been married.   Most men come out of divorces as perpetual wage slaves on the verge of suicide, skewing the results.   Most men who have never been married sail through life like Leo DeCaprio.

      43. 1.1.43

        That’s only true when women are in their prime (18-35 yrs old).   If they can’t find a man by 35, they become unhappy

        Men are only miserable during their beta young years because many don’t have the high SMV nor resources, so women ignore them.   Once a man is in his 30s, his SMV goes up & it increases as he obtains more resources

        Men age like fine wine, women age like milk

        1. Emily

          That’s a little bullshit.   I don’t tbink its as distinct as women souring with age and men deepening in their oakiness,,, that is total bull.

          Men have greater resourses at 40 than do men at 30. Of course a man with a house is more attractive

          On the other hand, plenty of 38 year old ladies are ID’d everyday because they don’t look 40 yet. Sexy ladies like Gwen date men their junior like Blake and it’s because they are hella fine….

          The key for a woman is to take care of themselves, not age too drastically The key for a man is to not be an asshole…. realize what is hot is fucking hot, and fuck that chick.




      44. 1.1.44
        joe dillypop

        You missed the point, Jen.   Typical of something somebody does when they read something they don’t like.   It’s not that men aren’t unhappy, it’s that they are less unhappy than single women.   Much less.   Enough so that they can do without.

      45. 1.1.45
        Wise to your game

        Struck a nerve, huh Jen? I’m 42, single, working, have money, in shape retirement in the bag, and I’m PERFECTLY fine being single.   I saw women for what they are in my awkward 20s, when they were hopping from escapade to escapade.   Now they see me in my car, and that same age range wants to (finally) hop to me.   And you know what?   I’m taking my reward for the garbage you crazy people put me through.   You can have some of my time, but you will NEVER get my money.   I love it when they try though…they try so deliciously hard.

      46. 1.1.46

        Yes, this research shows men are unhappier when single – compared to married men. Not compared to single women. Sociological studies also single  fathers fare better, &  single men with sisters. It’s generally attributed to women doing the work of social and emotional connection for them. But single women – and single mothers most of all – DO show up on bottom of those sociological happiness scales. And that’s not because they tend to suffer more financial stress and social isolation. But anyway, Evan is  a daging coach – he doesn’t claim to have a PhD in the sociology of emotions. Play on!

      47. 1.1.47

        Sorry Jenn..you’re living in a fantasy world.

      48. 1.1.48

        The zoologist study? That farce only shows an illegitimate study with huge biases in the sample selection. The sampling procedure was condemned, and that study has been discredited.

        Also that study was about sexual behavior in men. It doesn’t definitively say men are less happy than women when single.

        Stop spreading lies to suit your agenda. Men do not enjoy monogamy more. YOU didn’t do any legitimate research. You leaned on a discredited study, and by doing that you have destroyed your own ethos.

        1. Persephone

          @Declan 1.1.48

          My biggest complaint with the EMK blog is that it seems to attract a lot of men who love to say nasty things to women anonymously hide behind a fake moniker and a keyboard. Examples are “spreading lies” and “destroyed your own ethos.”   I cannot take discussions like this serious.   Besides, we, the readers, never really know who “you” is.   “Your” agenda.   Which “you”?

          BTW I just got a marriage proposal last night from a man who genuinely wants to be monogamous.   For the rest of our lives.

        2. Declan


          What a shroud of hypocrisy you dwell in. Calling out someone for being unduly nasty with equal contempt is a measured response. Labeling points you disagree with as “nasty” behind your own computer also sets you on that same level.

          Everyone has an agenda. You had an agenda when you posted your comment. You wanted your voice to be heard while you discredited another.

          I’m sure the world looks much more lovely through your rose colored lenses, but perception does not translate into reality.

          I genuinely hope you and your fiancee have a long and happy life together, but mostly I am intrigued by your power of omniscience.

        3. Persephone


          If you want to be credible in by saying that my comment is equally as nasty as the misogynist groups that form online, then show me examples of parallel female groups.   I’m open-minded enough that I will look at the links you present.   EMK   even had an entire thread on the subject of INCELS.

          The misogynist manosphere is a real thing, but where is the misandrist   womanosphere? I’m not calling out all men. It’s only a very small percentage who are there in the manosphere online groups. They make themselves obvious because they use the terminology.

          Perhaps some men are unfortunately adopting   words used by the manosphere. What is the value of adopting that terminology? I can see the value in learning words, for example, from French. It’s like saying that not everyone who speaks a little French is from France, but for someone who’s fluent, they are either French, or they’ve been around a lot of French people.

      49. 1.1.49
        Robert Wayne

        I agree.   As a man I hate being single.   It’s lonely and boring.   And all a woman has to do to have mulitiple sexual partners is put on a little makeup and a miniskirt and heels and every jerk out there will be chasing her.   It doesn’t work like that at all for we men.   Especially those of us who have lost our hair and looks.

        1. Persephone

          Robert Wayne:

          I agree with you about a woman being able to fix up. In my younger years I thought this it was we women who had to do all the primping, fixing our hair, dieting, etc, and then all men had to do is show up.

          Boy was I wrong! When I was about 25, I had a conversation with my   teenage stepson, and it really opened my eyes. I didn’t know that boys and men have the same feelings that we women have with anxiety over our appearance.

          I understand what you’re saying about putting on a little bit of lipstick and a mini skirt, but it’s not quite that easy as women age. A woman over 35 who wears a mini skirt better darn well be in shape or she looks ridiculous.   When I was in my twenties we used to make fun of older women like that, saying that they were Grannies trying to pretend they were teenagers.   I didn’t realize how cruel my g.f.s and I were when we were younger.

          Now that I’m older, I can still get away with a mini skirt,   as long as it’s not too short and too tight. That’s because I’m weird. Not many women my age can, but then I ride horses, flamenco dance, and run several miles each week, on top of being a former Fitness competitor. But do I really want the guys to be chasing after me by the dozens? Not really.   Young guys do come chasing after me, but then after they realize I’m not going to be a   **** buddy to them they say they just want to be friends,   and can I please introduce them to someone closer to their age. Even right now as I type this, one of my close, young, guy friends tells me that he really wants to find a girlfriend. He is tired of being single. I’ve had to talk to him many late nights about keeping positive, because he’s so tired of being alone.   He said he wishes we were closer in age,   b.c. he would ask me to marry him. If wishes were horses we would all be Kings.   My friend would never admit to anyone else that he’s dying to have a nice relationship.   He has to put on this tough guy front and pretend he’s happy being single.

          There is a fix for all this.   There’s a lot to be said about taking care of your body, and turning out well.   Both men and women in this country look terrible because by the time they’re middle-aged they’ve had years of fast food drive in-windows, a sedentary lifestyle, smoking, alcohol abuse.   To add to that I live in the meth belt, and in the Sunbelt.   Try to undo the abuse that you’ve done to your body, and who cares if you’re bald. Exercise, take a lot of vitamin C.   they say that you can even put it on your face and it helps the collagen in your skin, LOL!


      50. 1.1.50

        Its definitely true you have a much greater selection. it doesnt take you any skill, smooth talking, or having to learn stupid pickup lines, it’s much easier for. You just think that youre too good for or not attracted to 99.9% of that selection, and then wonder why youre alone.

      51. 1.1.51
        Mina Harker

        This data is sort of true, but not in the way you are imaging. You’re seeing it from a contemporary female point of view, wherein singleness is seen primarily as a lifestyle choice. The Kinsey data is from an era when MOST people – male and female – married. Unmarried men were usually the men at the bottom of the socio-economic is ladder. Yes they were unhappy, less healthy than the average etc, but there’s far more to this than a simple choice to be single. This stuff does t apply to the co temporary world much.

      52. 1.1.52

        You’re mistaken about the conclusion… men don’t do as WELL single. Meaning, we aren’t as careful, we dont take care of ourselves, we eat pizza all the time, whatever. Now we are learning to cook ourselves and enjoy home cooked meals because unless mom makes it, we aren’t getting it. (Because women our age can’t cook anything except hot dogs and mac and cheese for their 3 bastard kids with 3 different dads)….. but we ARE happier… mainly because we don’t have to tolerate disrespect and disobedience from another man’s kids in our own homes. Adam sandler and drew Barrymore can take that blender and shove it up their ass. It was a good movie but far from reality. The reality is, that men eventually grow accustomed to the lack of regular sex (the real motivation for men to seek relationships) as they get older, their testosterone drops. As men get older and their women go into menopause they wouldn’t be having as much sex anyway. However, women on the other hand never get used to being alone. Their primary motivators for seeking a relationship only become stronger as they age and approach the long years of silent sadness. I hear them often say they are better off single, but their body language always betrays the fact that, maybe they are better off alone, than with their ex, but they aren’t GOOD alone. Men and women actually need each other but women by and large are the ones digging in their heels and buying into the single life. I think what it comes down to, is that women want it both ways. They WANT to be single, but they also want to bitch about it and have people actually lend their shoulder to cry on. They need to grow up. Don’t bitch about the choices you make. If you want to be married, shit or get off the pot. Do something about it. It’s just like the me too bullshit. You want to flirt with any guy you want, but if he flirts back or god forbid, strikes up a conversation unsolicited then he is an abuser. You have to PICK ONE. Either you like men and want to have one, or you like cats. It’s that simple.

      53. 1.1.53
        Myles Harris

        I kinda agree with the article. I think men just require less.

    2. 1.2

      I suggest to start thinking like a man. Its really that easy.

      1. 1.2.1
        Cindi Hunter

        Why does it always have to be that women are supposed to ” think like a man?” Men and women do think differently, start thinking like a woman, perhaps you’d have some compssion? Oh I forgot, that may involve feelings…. I can only speak for myself, women don’t liked to be used. Can you understsnd such depth? Hope so. Trying to understand many men has been difficult at best. Thanks for the usual statement. If we could think like men we’d be men.

        1. Karmic Equation


          Women want “relationships”; men are the gatekeepers of relationships.

          It behooves a woman to think like a man so that she can get that relationship.

          Women are gatekeepers to sex. It behooves men to know what women need to give him sex.

          Why are you so angry? That anger is going to seep through into your interactions with men. Quality men will stay away from angry women like you.

          Chill out.

        2. stupid

          hi cindi

          don’t think like a man. keep doing what you’re doing.

          enjoy the boxed wine and cats.

          a happy single man

        3. g

          don’t think like a man embrace thinking like a woman and keep on believing in yourself don’t let some jack ass manipulate you out of your self esteem if he doesn’t think you are worth enough of his time then ya next marks the spot I agree don’t hand out sex because yes as woman we do tend to get attached so before attachment make sure you know what you are getting into and if he isn’t genuine then don’t invest yourself that is not thinking like a man, but you ought to protect yourself. men do seem to be more capable of hurting others and not caring about who they hurt than woman so they are more likely to have casual sex and hurt woman doing it the same as they are more likely to rob a bank but don’t worry because eventually all the men who lived like that get it in the end they become incapable of love and die alone and worse they are hardened and their own worse enemy they fall down and no one is there to support them or pick them up and when they do try to invest in a relationship they blow the deal because they are dysfunctional so don’t buy into their bullshit like you need to soften up no you don’t soften up only to a man who 1st treats you like the woman you are other wise don’t or you will get hurt….

        4. j-pierre mercier

          cindy, sweetie, please understand. if we were to start thinking like women, we’d be exhibiting women’s feelings. we’re men. if you want someone who thinks and feels like a woman, find a woman. and what does this all have to do with compassion. as if men don’t feel that.

        5. Buck25

          “If we could think like men, we’d be men”.

          And if men could think like women, they’d be women. Your point is…what exactly? You want a clone of your girlfriend, with different plumbing? You’re not getting that, so either change your expectations, or enjoy life alone with your twenty cats.

        6. CHRISTY

          @Cindi, it’s because men are simple and women are complex. Relations will not work   if men become complex like women, but if women became more simple like men, we would come together and be more on the same page.. Of course not all women are as complex as others

    3. 1.3

      We let them sleep in the bed that they made and use them for the little they are worth.

    4. 1.4

      I just wrote a post below because a friend is looking at this with me and he enlightened me about how men don’t usually have the emotional connection with their friends like we women do with our friends.

      He also commented on your post. He said, “What are we going to do about it? What can we do about it?” He said that the world has changed and that this is a result of those changes. He said that in the past, men and women ha more of a symbiotic relationship. Each had roles to fulfill. Well, as he said, things have changed. He said that his dad, and grandfather didn’t know how to cook, do laundry, take care of babies, etc… He said that they had a role to play and that role made them feel good about themselves. He is not actively looking for a woman, so I asked him why, and showed him this article. He said that he doesn’t need a woman. So if he is going to get into a relationship with a woman, it would have to be on his terms. If he can’t get what he wants, he’s not interested. He said, “Thank You!” to feminists. He says that because of them, he was raised differently than his dad and grandfather. He was raised to be self sufficient. He was raised to not need women. He said he can do everything that men used to rely on women to do, and since he has been doing them since early childhood, it doesn’t feel weird to do them today. In the same manner, women don’t need him. Many can do the things women left to men, and if they can’t, they have their own money and can pay somebody to do it. So, he says, we simply don’t need each other anymore. He said that for a man, it is far better to do short term relationships. Longer than short term relationships and he ends up feeling like he has to answer to somebody. He can’t just do what he wants to do. If he wants to go for a ride on his motorcycle, he does. If he wants to play some video games with friends, he does. If he wants to watch a football game, he does.

      He said that the last time he was in a long term relationship, and was living with a woman, he had compromised and other than when she was not home, he had one day a week he could play video games. It was a weeknight and he played a game where he had joined some kind of group, a squad he says, that got together on that night to play this very large video game. He calls it “squad night.” Anyway, she had agreed to this, but evidently did not like it, so she started inviting friends over on that night. The first time he thought they had just shown up. Then the next week another couple of friends. He had played his part talking to the men, and giving up his squad night. Then on the third night, he locked himself in the computer room. He said he had to suffer calls to come join the world of the living. He said that these massively multiplayer games are social in nature and he values friends he meets through them as much as friends he knows in “real life” and in fact, because they often talk about many different things while playing the game, he knows them very well. Knows about their families, and through the associated message board sees pictures of their homes, families and whatever else they want to share.

      He said that he does not need a woman to run his life, or change him, or “make him want to be a better man.” He says he likes who he is, and the way he is right now. Thus, he’s happier being alone than being in a relationship, especially a long term relationship.

      To Jen he says that a 25 year old study doesn’t reflect the changes on men that feminism has brought. A 25 year old study might reflect what his father felt, but not him.

      1. 1.4.1

        I’m not following. She agreed that he could have his game night with friends and decided she would have her own night with friends, but he didn’t like it? Please explain.

        1. JennLee

          Read carefully. She has her things that she does alone, he has things he does alone. One of those things is a video game. He compromised on how much he would play it, limiting it to the one night a week when his squad/group would all get together. She agreed that this was acceptable. But then she started inviting friends over. Not just her friends, which would have been acceptable. No, she invited mutual friends. Husbands and wives who were mutual friends. Thus, courtesy and civility dictates that he would have to forgo the game and join his wife in entertaining their guests.

          This would be like her and a few of her girlfriends having a night to watch chick flicks, but then having him sabotage it by inviting mutual friends, including men, over to the house. She would seem rude if she ignored her other friends.

        2. CHRISTY

          You are looking to find what ever you can to discredit Jennlee’s story. I can feel your Ora and it screams 3rd wave feminism. Seeing it in many ladies on here. They feel threatened by what they here

    5. 1.5

      Seriously.   Even after you throw out our more outlandish wishes, if this article is right (and I think in general it is), we’re easily replaced with another woman no matter how you look at it.   Even if you could accept the distastefulness of not being remotely special, much less unique, you can’t even get a little bit of relationship security.   It hurts to say, but I really don’t think it’s worth looking too hard, and actually, looking too hard is probably very dangerous if you’re tender-hearted.  

      1. 1.5.1
        j-pierre mercier

        i’ll express a measure of gratitude for feminism once. just this once though. i remember hearing as a youth of 15, 16, 17, we’re WOMEN, we don’t need men. well over the years men adopted that line of thinking and acted on it. and now we can give ourselves everything that a woman thinks only she can supply. and now that women can use the courts in order to castrate, men are staying away in droves. hell i can go looong periods without sex. and have you seen some of those pocket pussies. it’s hard to get yourself into a domestic squabble with one of them.

        1. JulesK

          I saw a vile woman destroy a friend of my father’s in court and out.   She took their girls, and poisoned them against him.   Still, it seems like most men never really wanted to be in relationships in the first place, and only did so because they were expected to be married.   So eh.   I mean, if nothing else, I certainly wouldn’t romanticize the past… I mean things like, the first woman to formally compete in the Boston Marathon was just in 1967, and some guys were so threatened by it they tried to shove and push her during the race (even though the reason given for women not being able to run was because we’re so “fragile”).   Of course, men helped her too, or she’d never have been allowed to compete, since the whole organization was run by men.   But most men really do seem to see love differently than women (or at least women like me), and it’s probably silly to try to find the guys who aren’t like that – much less try to keep a man who just doesn’t love in the way I’d understand love.   I mean, a guy who probably feels fondness if anything, and can easily drop his partner for a new one.   

        2. jim hampton

          Goats are fun too.

      2. 1.5.2
        Lux Lisbon

        This is spot on! I try to enlighten  women, but I  think they live in a fairytale where men see them as life-or-death necessities and goddesses.

        If women weren’t sexually viable, collectively  looked like gollum, or became sterile, men would never  be remotely kind or acknowledge them  outside of routine subjugation. Sex while “committed” hasn’t  proven to be  better than mind blowing self-love (not enough women masturbate, they might spurn relationships all together if they did).

        I don’t feel the need to play surrogate mommy to  a grown man just  so that he’ll give me a parasite  (read: I don’t want to be a mother). Other than the fact that a large    majority of men tend to be funny, I’m not sure what other traits are supposed to set my loins afire… When I speak to lively, single older women (I’m 25), I learn how much of behaving attractively to men is coy obsequious  BS. I wish women weren’t conditioned to care about the feelings and desires of men so much, men seem to ruin women psychologically in their formative years. The dating world just resembles something akin to Stockholm to me.

        I came to EMK after googling something unrelated but man… Feminism has made men get honest and drop the chivalry with their misogyny. That’s a success in my book! Ladies, are  kids really that amazing that you need to get jack hammered by slimy, stuffed bratwursts until you find one that’ll “put a ring on it”? Get hobbies, learn to uplift and love other  women as sisters, not competition.

        This post was full of snark 🙂 I really do love men as friends, I just can’t figure out why women feel this emptiness without ’em or eagerness to sit shotgun to your average joe’s    mediocrity…

    6. 1.6

      I do support that woman need to protect themselves as so many men are willing to use them for sex however I also agree completely with Tran that woman in this day and age no longer value men they don’t they are willing to play the system and take them to the cleaners and pull an innocent act to get what they want….it is unfair unjust and it is because society has conditioned woman to believe in a prince charming fairy tale guy who sweeps her off her feet a man who can’t exist and doesn’t exist and real men are treated like dogs when in fact most of them have feelings just like woman do and get really hurt when their kids are taken from them or their money is taken from someone they trusted enough to lay it down for…so I agree woman and men are both a lot more selfish than in the past…to value a man is to actually allow him to be a man not try to change him but enjoy the fact he is one and encourage him and be there with him carry the burden of life with him be his best friend o the other hand as woman you need to be careful to protect yourself because not a lot of men recognize or even believe in good woman any more so you will get hurt if you don’t watch yourself and my motto is you can’t get used for sex if you don’t hand it out…It’s simple as that!

    7. 1.7

      I am man .You make it sound like man are narcissistic toads.I have a number of buddies who are similar to me .

    8. 1.8
      Andrè Schindler

      As Evan, explained above, we don’t need women for personal satisfaction. Nor need to have them screaming at us, as if we were their pets and being manipulated to feel guilty for just being a male. Also, do not blame anyone or anybody. It’s not Disney’s fault but only yours. You should have figured the fairy tales are only for kids. My advice for you: be real with yourself. Get over past relationships and lower your expectations. Not your standards. Respect and love yourself. Enjoy life around you and simple be happy, not content. Just happy. Have an excited and great life.  

      1. 1.8.1

        awesome dude… best answer in all of “google” !!

      2. 1.8.2

        I am a woman and truthfully I don’t think men and women are that different in what they want out of a relationship…….or at least I would like to think we are similar.

        In my opinion treating each other with love and respect is what makes for a good relationship. We all need to be valued and respected.

        It’s pretty simple really!

    9. 1.9
      Kristian Mandrup

      Modern men have no illusions about society or women. We now live in a full gynocentric society where men are completely disposable cash machines and sperm donors. Nothing more. We are reviled and treated like scum.

      Ever more men learn these facts early on, and from experiences of other (older) men having been dumped like garbage on the wayside. Men  now have other options, like video games and porn and for many it is the safer option than having to deal with the dangers of women and society at large which are seen as  hostile.

      In the end when the pendulum has swung too far, it will swing bang hard in the opposite direction as is starting to happen now with ultra right revolutions around the world. Women rule the world, always have, always will just not directly but “covertly” indirectly as they are the selectors  in the “sex game”, which is all that really matters. Men only really strive for power/money to gain status in the sex game (attract women).
      At this point there is little reason to strive, as women have gained the status of women and only show interest in po/movie stars and millionaires…

      The government/media and  cultural Marxist (PC, SJW, LGTM, feminism etc.) brainwashing have destroyed the natural trust/love relationship between men and women for shortsighted “gain”  and now we are collectively reaping the fruits, complete destruction of society… In the end it will likely lead to civil war, revolution and in the end we will reach a “Mad Max” warlord society, where strong men will rule with an iron fist once again. Happy days 😉

      1. 1.9.1

        I had to think back if I wrote this comment. Great minds think alike and you are 100% correct where this clown world is headed. The average person is only starting to see the impact thzt this marxist bs has on society. Birth rates are far lower than replacement. Men deciding women aren’t worth it etc. Men are genetically programmed to seek a mate. That urge is extremely strong as it is something I deal with suppressing daily. That said when your options consist of what is currently available: unloyal, selfish, nagging and manipulative women… it is far better to not engage in a rigged game that will not only stress you emotionally but take everything you worked your whole life for. This is why men are not getting in relationships. We wish it were different but there is no negotiating with modern women or comprise for that matter. We have tried, multiple times and found a similar behavior in each partner that is far too common to dismiss as poor selection, rather it’s far too common in today’s western women to dismiss as bad luck.

    10. 1.10

      I suggest you western women date Asian guys. They’re more relationship oriented unlike western guys who put relationships at the end of their priority list. Devorce rates are way lower in Asia too.

      1. 1.10.1

        From my experience, Western men could care less about a woman as an individual, and believe all women are after money and power in a man. I am so sick   of this, because it’s a stereotype Western men use, to avoid a relationship where the woman wants one or not, because they assume all women are love sick love junkies. It’s a myth that runs deep the US society, and it won’t leave anytime soon.

        Asian men have balance in their lives, and live life as an individual. When the writer mentioned the buddy system of particularly American men, they don’t like women as friends at all , some don’t even speak to women at work and only talk to us if they have to.

        Then they assume women don’t like sports, which is ridiculous, or none emotionally based communication. We are also a society of relationship “experts” that have ruined male/female relation by the self help books and advice, as in Mars and Venus, which makes people believe the other sex is entirely different, when differences are individually based.

        I don’t bother with the typical American male, I find them conceited , and also their obsession with hyper masculinity, they try to be as unattractive as possible, because they believe women don’t have visual sexual ability, another falsehood bred in the Western culture.

        An Asian man, was the only male friend of a woman who worked in a very industrial field, deemed as a male occupation. The American men felt she was an affront to their masculinity , just by her presence . She also had to work harder to have any respect from them as a person. The Western men were in a clique , and would sit in a different area at lunch, they would dominate a certain area of the recreation room which was also used for meals. Men from other countries , were friends with her, her sex wasn’t an issue at all.

        Western men will continue to have their stereotypes , I have tried to explain to them, I don’t care about your money or status, and because I have money of my own, they are affronted by that. Too many issues , too many embedded stereotypes. I don’t base a relationship on finances at all, but they insist I would because I’m female. Like I said, those relationship books , have destroyed relations between men and women.

        1. Persephone

          Laila at 1.10.1, your description of a woman working in the industrial field could have easily been me.    

          was an affront to their masculinity , just by her presence .

          Yes, yes, very much so.   It seemed like it was getting better, and then it seemed that it was not.   There is something going on in Western society that is not going on in the other cultures.   I cannot describe exactly what it is, but it also seems to run parallel with the rise of ALT-RT and White Nationalism.

          I would appreciate input on this phenomenon.

        2. RustyLH

          Persephone, you’re kidding, right? You should watch less MSNBC.

          I have been to many different countries. About 1/3 of all the countries in the world. I have lived overseas, also. You are doing what many people do, who either haven’t been overseas, or haven’t been to too many places, or only been to one or two that seemed great. You seem to romanticize it.

          On the other hand, the majority of the world is actually unfriendly to women. Western Culture is the first culture to decide that women had more value that the rest of the world believed.

          You can go to places where women have no choice in who they marry.

          Places where women can’t walk the streets without a male family member with her.

          Places where female genital mutilation takes place.

          Places where, unlike many western countries, men do not outnumber women, creating a different dating power dynamic that western women wouldn’t like.

          Many of the things that women here, don’t like about many men here, and I don’t blame you for not liking, also exist in men all over the world. For instance, my foreign landlord trying to hit on my wife, and actually sexually harassing her. We chose not to do anything about it because we were already moving, and taking legal action would have drastically complicate our lives. I should say, she chose this course of action.

          Ogling women on the street? That happened to my wife, all over Europe, far more than in the U.S.

          There’s saying for this…the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. Sometimes it is, but most times it’s not.

          I see so much in our society, working to separate men and women. It has worked. Those orchestrating it, did not have either men’s or women’s best interests at heart.

          Here’s just one example…getting women all riled up about “patriarchy,” and using things like, “women had to fight for the right to vote. Well, the part left out is that men also had to fight for the right to vote. Men only got the vote two years sooner. Before that, only a small amount of people could vote. Which system is better? One where only a small amount of people can vote, or one were everyone can vote, including people who have lived in a country all their lives, but can’t even tell you how many colors are on a flag. People who endorse a political system, but can’t even tell you how it actually works…yes, I actually saw a young college age kid try to “educate” a man I was with, about communism, while he is the one who crew up in a communist country. He says that he thought he would want to live here the rest of his life, but he is already developing an exit strategy, because he says he won’t live through that again, if he can help it.

        3. Mina Harker

          I work with a number of Japanese, Chinese, and Korean women. They all think the PRECISE OPPOSITE of what you do. They all date western guys because of how awful and patriarchal etc Asian men purportedly are.
          Grass is always greener.

        4. Buck25

          “I would appreciate input on this phenomenon.”


          I don’t want to get too far into this, as it’s probably best discussed in another thread. Broadly, though, I think what we’re seeing does run parallel with the rise of the “Alt-Rt”, because it is largely fueled by the same issue. Here in America, anyway, what we’re seeing is a perception among (especially) blue-collar men that they are being marginalized, disempowered, and that masculinity (as they understand it), is under siege, by (in no particular order) women, feminism, progressives, “political correctness”, “snowflake” millennials, the #MeToo movement, intellectuals, politicians, immigrants, etc.. They feel marginalized, put down, under-appreciated, and left behind in a an increasingly post-industrial society that, as they see it, increasingly devalues them, mocks their values and treats them with contempt. It doesn’t matter if they are mostly right or mostly wrong, objectively; this is how they perceive it to be, and so for them it is their reality. You might call an individual like that “Joe Six-Pack”, and right now he feels betrayed, by everyone from the media, to traditional politicians of BOTH major parties, to the corporate fat cats who shipped his job overseas or to Mexico. As he sees it, they lifted everyone else up (at his expense), while basically giving him nothing except to say “Suck it up, Joe. You’re white (mostly), you’re privileged, deal with it!” , while they looked after everyone else, bailing out the bankers, and the brokers, and the auto manufacturers. (Ask the white coal miner in Appalachia, or the white sharecropper in Mississippi, or the out-of-a-job white factory worker in the Rust Belt, just how “privileged” he feels; you won’t like his answer.) Joe and his kind are angry; angry as hell, in fact; and angry people lash out. I’m no more surprised at that, than I was by the #MeToo movement. Angry people who feel aggrieved lash out at anyone they see as either causing their distress, or ignoring it. It’s not actually a male reaction, or a female reaction, just a human one.

          The men who gave you so much grief in the situation you describe, saw you as a threat; to them it was as if you intruded on some of the last turf they still felt in control of. From that point of view, it did not matter what your intention was. Do understand that I’m not saying they were right, or that their perception was correct (I don’t think it was). Do they have some very real grievances? Yes they do. Do they often lash out at the wrong targets? Of course they do.

          Those of us who are more educated, more “privileged”, if you like, still need to remember that the Joe Six Packs of this country are still men, still people, and they do matter. We aren’t better than they are, or more important. We would all do well to remember a quote I heard many years ago: “An excellent plumber is infinitely more admirable than an incompetent philosopher. The society that scorns excellence in plumbing, because it is an humble art, and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted art, will soon have neither good plumbing, nor good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.” Just something to think about.

        5. Persephone

          @ Buck25 You hit the nail on the head! Yours is the best post on this entire thread in my opinion. Thanks.

          I have a professional degree now, but while I was getting it I worked for 12 years in blue collar around men with me as the only woman. Working full time plus overtime and then going to school was challenge, but each of these endeavors was a challenge standing alone. The men at my job felt threatened by the presence of my gender for the reasons you stated, and this was a decade-and-a-half ago. The state of our society seems to have gotten even worse since then. It is not a critique directed only at the male half of American humanity. These are symptoms of something, which you correctly state are best suited for another thread. They are socio-political-economist issues.

          Very few understand this, and while I see many troublesome posts in this thread, these are symptoms.

          Thank you for being someone who “gets it.”

        6. Buck25


          Thank you! Just to follow up, I think this problem has become quite a bit more complex than what I outlined in trying to explain what you experienced; and as a result, it has spread to other demographics in the last couple decades or so. This has a lot of socio-political implications, but the part that’s relevant to our discussions in this blog has primarily to do with its effects on gender relations. I believe, among other things, that it is a major contributor to everything from the rise of the manosphere (which I think it has played a considerable role in creating and sustaining), to the perception of a gender war, to much of the male reaction to #MeToo, and the perception among so many men that masculinity itself is under attack (which I don’t believe is objectively the case).

          My sense of where we currently are, is that it would be helpful if we could have a civil, restrained and open-minded discussion of some of these issues somewhere in this forum. Putting this out there may be airing some fairly dirty laundry, but I think if we can have an open discussion among both our male and female contributors without blaming, being accusatory, or unduly judgmental, we might all better understand how some of these factors have created warped perceptions (among both genders), done some real harm to both men and women, and helped create an atmosphere where too often we talk past each other, rather than with each other. What I’m not certain of is where the discussion belongs; should it go in the Men and #MeToo thread, the Is Masculinity Bad? thread, or somewhere else? If you or anyone else (Including Evan) has any ideas on this, I’m certainly open to suggestions.

      2. 1.10.2

        Rusty, while I agree with much of what you said in your post about troublesome treatment of women, one thing you’re leaving out is the following. The role the men take. Men in Western societies no longer want to shoulder the burden of being the main breadwinner for a wife and family. They instead expect the wives to take up this role and also come home to do their traditional roles on top of the new role of being an equal breadwinner. I believe it comes at the expense of the family, and it is partly driven by materialism, so as to have the expendable income for the extras. I am not at all implying that women should get less respect or less opportunities. We still have a lot of adjusting to do until we as a society settle into a better place.

        Thank you again for your comments, however however what’s not appreciated is assumptions about me as an individual. I’m very well-traveled, but the travel most definitely was not in privilege places. I went to very poor indigenous places in Mexico and Central America. I also went to the ghettos of Egypt, not as a privileged white American Tourist, but is the wife of an Egyptian whose family owned an apartment in a large urban area. I do not get MSNBC on my Smart TV, and do not watch much TV. I’m confused as what MSNBC has to do with any of this. Thanks for reading and have a great day.

        1. RustyLH

          My assumption was because your post made it sound as if western women have it bad. Western women have it better than any women in history, and in fact, now have more rights than men, and have it better than Western men.

        2. Marika

          Rusty, just because Trump tells you something, it doesn’t necessarily make it true…

          I know, blah, blah poor western White men, #metoo, yep, yep, yep. We know. But what you wrote is an opinion, not a fact (and I’m NOT saying western women have it bad – this is just NOT the place for your manospherian propaganda).

        3. RustyLH


          I wait breathlessly for you to offer “facts” that prove my “opinions” wrong. I mean, that should be easy to do if it’s just opinion and there are facts that prove me wrong, right?

          Or you can just counter with femospherian propaganda. Your choice.

        4. Marika

          Well, Rusty, where is the extensive research you’ve done on the rights of both men and women in the Western world to show that women have ‘more’? What does ‘more rights’ even mean? More in total? More in certain areas? More comprehensive? Which countries? All? Some? Nth American only? How do you define ‘have it better’? What metrics? What measures of well-being did you employ? Did you use interviews? With how many people? Or have you had a sex change and experienced living as a woman directly to compare?

          There’s nothing solid to refute as you’ve provided zero evidence. Instead, you made a ridiculous blanket claim based on how you feel, the experiences of your circle and possibly things you cherry pick to listen to/watch which prove your bias. Not any objective facts. Then posted on a relationship forum.

          I’m not ‘femispherian’, I come here to learn/share/write about *relationships*. Why are you here?

      3. 1.10.3

        I’ve been in a relationship with a Japanese man for 2 years. He’s the best man I know: family oriented, hard working, protective but not possessive, affectionate, funny and even tempered on his worst days. I respect and admire, love him from my core. My friends with East Asian husbands are equally as happy and stable. I think there is something to what you’re saying.

    11. 1.11

      Nothing. Men got it right. Women make all the problems. Sex and love are not the same. You can have sex with someone you don’t love. And love someone and not have sex. And by the way, love doesn’t exist. Only respect.

    12. 1.12

      Give up on the male race 😀😀😀

    13. 1.13
      rich touchet

      Lower your expectations, it’s the only solution. Men aren’t going to change to meet your fairy tale partner. So either live alone or accept men as they are. There are no other choices. There might be a few men who are such wimps and simps, and will put up a front trying to comply with your dreams. But most women don’t like those types of men, and the men couldn’t keep up the farce forever.

  2. 2

    I have never been a stereotypical man – not defined by career, not focused mainly on externals when it comes to women, not really able to split sex from love …
    And while I wouldn’t say I “hate” being single, I have mostly had a desire to be in a fulfilling relationship from a young age. My expectations have been broken down through the years of dating and being in relationships, but I would say that I’m interested in more than just not being criticized or bored with someone.
    Oh, and I’d say men also have tendencies towards wanting the women they are with to change in some way or another. They might not express it as often, or as clearly, but I think the view that “you’re fine just as you are” is pretty rare.

    1. 2.1

      Thank goodness to this honest reply.   Men’s expecations have soared by Western culture just as much as women’s yet most men deny, deny, deny.   Watch how unhappy and pouted men become when women don’t do as they want 🙂   They would really like her to change per their needs.

      1. 2.1.1

        Thank you for being honest as well, Nancy.   This is precisely why I have remained a single man for 52 years and expect to remain so.   Men and women being so angry and defensive about something as theoretically fulfilling as loving one another.   I have seen family and friends bicker and hate each other until nothing is left of their lives but bitter acrimony.
        Nancy, you understand that women don’t want to be dominated or changed by a man and the reverse is also true.   Apparently the current state of society is one of combativeness and selfishness; even the replies here are defensive and accusatorial.
        I am single and I don’t bother any woman.   I don’t want to enslave them, I don’t want to make decisions for them, I don’t want to “own” anybody.   I will be damned if I will subject my will onto another person and will absolutely not tolerate being manipulated, coerced or bullied by another person myself.   This is why I believe the whole concept of love and relationships is a delusion we create; I have never heard of anyone being truly happy in one, just less miserable.   To hell with that.
        This is what I have gotten from the “Men’s Movement”, the “Women’s Movement” and all of the hundreds of thousand of articles, think pieces and stories from both genders.   Congratulations, society; you’ve effectively f-ed up perpetuating the species.  

        1. Dane

          Spot on analysis of the state of our culture and society. Thank you for telling it like it is.  

        2. patricia

          you missed the boat Daniel…. But so many do, then find ways to rationalize their choices.
          I didn’t mean to read as much of these comments but as a long term therapist working with lots of couples who people who want to be one, it certainly shows why it’s so difficult for people to find the right person.
          This article is interesting but unfortunately, seems to be bringing out more of what people don’t know rather than what they’ve learned…with a few notable exceptions . There are lots of ways both genders can learn and improve the relationships they have or want… Dr. Phil (and others) have helped w/ their writings..http://drphil.com/articles/article/142 I have couples come in who don’t get it and really don’t want to put the effort into getting it, so they probably share many of the simple-minded ideas of so many commenters who have given up. But, then, there are also those who have learned/are learning. These are men who aren’t jumping defensively on the other side of oooooo the feminists. These are men ..like of man of 40 years who weren’t afraid of a strong woman…that doesn’t equal “controlling”… Dr. Phil and men like him get that. Men who are rational enough, decent enough aren’t so afraid of what feminism is ..they don’t buy into the cliches, simple-minded notions of it. They learn to know it has benefits for them as well, which it certainly does. Feminist ideas are the ones that have challenged women not just to change and grow and learn how to use and share power with men. It has challenged women to also learn equality without responsibility is a lie. I do get tired of hearing simple-minded rants being repeated so often and I feel for both men and women who want to love but keep making the same mistakes over and over. Men know some stuff. Women know some stuff. Those of us willing to learn from one another win. The haters, the compulsive arguers only end up along and lonely or worse being with the wrong person and being lonely. I read good books by men and women and those who close themselves off come up short.
          My husband is as smart and strong as I am and we have something very good and work to take care of it. We value it. We think a lot alike but are still very different types of personalities. We accept one another but have both changed for the relationship. We feel a lot of freedom in our relationship though we both agreed long ago, since neither of us wanted the fear of losing each other, we’d stick with monogamy, in spite of it’s unnaturalness. We still like each other, find each other interesting and trust each other a lot. My husband (who was my boyfriend for 25 years) has a great sense of humor and mine has sharpened from being around him.
          I hope some of the open-minded readers on this will not give up and learn from both men and women, but the wiser ones.
          Men with open minds are changing just as smarter, healthier women have been.

        3. j.-pierre mercier

          “theoretically” fulfilling. bingo. because that’s all it is. theoretical. in the unproven sense.

      2. 2.1.2

        Because of Feminism going to far Nancy. The balancing beam between men and women, Men have moved some from the center of the beam do to the 3rd wave Feminism, but women are at the end of the beam. Men will only move farther away from center as women stay at the end of the beam. The trades that men and women once had are gone and we end up with both saying, what do I need you for?

        1. Persephone

          I get frustrated with academia’s   over-analytical assessments of feminism–“third wave”, “post industrial post feminism”, yadayada.   It’s human rights, plain and simple. Maybe some people get unreasonable with things on either end, but human rights and efforts to throw in some common sense on how to treat folks are reasonable.

    2. 2.2
      j-pierre mercier

      come on nathan, where ya been man? men don’t try to change women. we marry ’em cause we likes ’em that way. like a checkered vest you’ve had for years. if it’s still warm, and does the job, we won’t throw it out, even if the buttons are missing. women on the other hand waste little time “re-arranging the furniture” when it comes to the latest project in their lives. they must have gotten the wrong impression when they were playing with dolls, that the girlhood dreamworld would carry on into adulthood. surprise! the real ken has willpower, real balls and a dick unlike the one by mattel. he won’t necessarily do everything barbie wants him to do.

      1. 2.2.1

        My current guy tells me often how he is working on changing me. All men are not the same or have the same intentions

        1. Cat

          We are waking up, the genie is out of the bottle!! We are far more informed as to what drives women than you probably are yourselves!!

          As Newton stated every action has …………….!! That opposite action is just starting to gain momentum….

          I think Radical Feminists should ask the same question Johny Rotten asked the audience at the final Sex Pistols gig!! You’re being played girls by big moneymen with very big plans and a long term world-view!!


      2. 2.2.2

        Some problem we are have with some men is that they are raised only by females, so they tend to vote like a female and sometimes screw over their own kind. These men turn out feminized or Gay. We are lacking male role models. Thank You Feminism and the Feminism controlled Government for the destruction of the relationship of men and women. Is it part of a plan? Because it’s working

        1. George

          Ugh.  Men voting like females, wow! So how does a “Woman” vote so that all “Men” can now be educated to vote the opposite?

  3. 3

    We can separate sex and love, we define ourselves by our work, we don’t lack dating options, we get 95% of our needs met without female companionship, and we don’t talk about relationships nearly as much.

    That describes me. One more example of how I (a female) am more masculine when it comes to relationships. My first date last night with a recently divorced 54 year old left me ambivalent. He is done caring about his career, has tons of hobbies and interests he wants a women to adopt, he wants a women to fill up his life. I want a relationship that is a blend of two people. I don’t see that as trying to change someone but men might.

    1. 3.1

      You’re not masculine. Women have vastly higher numbers of dating options, fall in love faster and harder, and grieve more when relationships end. Read the Kinsey 25 year study. Men are actually happiest 15 years into a relationship. This guy is just trying to be a stoic cool guy who pretends he doesn’t need a relationship. Don’t pay attention to his back assward ideas about sex roles.  

      1. 3.1.1

        I meant women have vastly higher numbers of dating options whereas MEN fall in love faster and harder and grieve more when a relationship ends. Women are culturally allowed to discuss relationships more, which is unfortunate. Probably has something to do with why men take longer to get over them.  

        1. RustyLH

          I meant women have vastly higher numbers of dating options
          OK, let me get this straight…the millions of single women in this country have vastly higher numbers of dating options then the millions of single men in this country…but wait…you women think 80% are below average in looks…and the vast majority of men are not wealthy…and besides…if the millions of women have vastly higher numbers fo dating options…who are these women dating?   Oh…wait…maybe we should consult the actual numbers.
          53% – percentage of unmarried U.S. residents 18 and older who were women in 2011; 47 percent were men.
          89 – Number of unmarried men 18 and older for every 100 unmarried women in the United States in 2011.
          25% –   Percentage of unmarried people 25 and older in 2011 with a bachelor’s degree or more education.
          13.6 million – Number of unmarried parents living with their children in 2011. Of these, 10.0 million were unmarried mothers and 1.7 million were unmarried fathers, and 1.9 million were unmarried couples with at least one shared child.
          Source: America’s Families and Living Arrangements: 2011

          OK, so not only are there 100 single women for every 89 men…men find a far higher percentage of those women physically attractive to an at least average level.   Men also seem more willing to seek partners from other countries.   Men are also far more willing to date a single parent.
          Sorry Jen, the numbers do not support you your hypothesis.

        2. Evan Marc Katz

          Rusty – as women age, those numbers change. By the time a woman is in her 60’s, there are two single women for every one single man. As usual, you are looking for evidence to support what you already believe.

        3. RustyLH

          Your numbers aren’t accurate, Evan, but then numbers don’t tell the whole story, at least not numbers we can actually research, but I did go to the source document of the more updated 2012 excel spread sheet and removed all of the unrelated data and used the sum function to start seeing some numbers.   Here they are and here’s the source.   If you want to redo my work, feel free.

          People Available to date (x1,000):

          Male – 4107
          Female – 3989


          Male – 17,138
          Female – 15,303


          Male – 8,182
          Female – 7,903


          Male – 7,375
          Female – 7,422


          Male – 8,784
          Female -11,414

          The point Even, is that Jen made the statement that, “women have vastly higher numbers of dating option,” which as we can see by the numbers is patently false.   But again, the numbers do not tell the whole story.   These are only the numbers of Americans available to date, not the numbers of who you would WANT to date.   While there are slightly more men than women in the 30 to 49 age range, more men are likely to have criminal records.   More men are likely to have a restraining order on their record.   More men are likely to be alcoholics.   More men are likely to be high school drop outs.   More men are likely to not have a college degree.   More men are likely to be in the military, stationed overseas.   More men are likely to be truck drivers who spend extended periods of time away from home, such as my neighbor who is only home 2 days then gone for 12.   More men are likely to work on cargo ships, spending even more time away from home.
          These factors may or may not affect a woman.   For instance some women may have no problem dating that truck driver who is only available to her 2 days ever 2 weeks.   Some women may forgive a criminal record.   But the point is made.   Jen claimed that women have vastly higher numbers of dating opportunities, and that simply isn’t true.
          Here’s one more thing.   I’ve seen people recently post that only 5 percent of something along those lines, marry someone more than 5 years +/-   of their own age.   That isn’t even close to true.   23% of the marriages are more than 5 years difference and 10.5 are 10+ years difference.

          About three-quarters (77 percent) had spouses whose ages were within 5 years of one another compared with two-thirds (68 percent) of opposite-sex cohabiters and 60 percent of same-sex couples. Same-sex couples were less similar in age: one-fifth of the couples (21 percent) had a partner who was at least 10 years older than the other, twice as high as opposite-sex married couples.
          Source: http://www.census.gov/prod/2013pubs/p20-570.pdf     Pg. 20

          You need to stop making me work so hard, Evan.

        4. Samcrubin

          Men take longer to get over relationships?
          I am not trying to be insulting, but in my life time I have not met too many men that do that. I know men that, the day their girlfriends come out of the blue and tell them   “I don’t want to do this anymore,” they say “ok” often time, the woman will reply “is that all you gotta say?” and the man says “what do you want me to say, you are breaking up with me.” After that, the men move on and focus on other stuff. The men that I know have so many silly stuff to focus on, including their careers than to be thinking about an ex-girlfriend. In this day and age, I care more about working hard to move up in the world, than about ex-girlfriends. I work hard and on my days off, hang out with my friends and keep up with sports. Obviously we still have sexual needs and we do find women to hook up with. However, if you are not successful in the work department, you will not get much love from women.  

        5. Al Porter

          Spot on. The old “men are from mars women are from venus” is a big myth. This has much to do with modern culture – movies, music etc, which has feminized men and brainwashed us that acting sensitive, groveling before women and pursuing them with money and gifts is the way to a woman’s heart. It’s just a bad way to go. Women intrinsically don’t like it. What you really want is a man who will listen, is confident, centered and strong and will make you feel safe.

        6. RepublicOfNow

          You have so successfully been de-patterned and rebuilt by the Feminist ideal, that you actually now believe your own lies and the traditional truths which you’ve spent time eschewing.
          You have modeled yourself into what you deem to be a Utopian woman and have since begun to believe that men have followed suit with your fabricated world.
          Being full of shit is one thing.   When you’ve come to believe it and think that others are also on board with you, that’s illness.
          You’ll come out of your delusions and start telling yourself the truth later in life.  
          Enjoy your cats.   You’ll need them.

      2. 3.1.2

        Yes, read one study and base your opinion on that while decrying others’ lack of wide research.

    2. 3.2

      You have every right to want that, i do not believe that constitutes trying to change a man. if you married that guy the way he is in hopes that he would change, or that you could change him, that would be unhealthy. I am 52 and ideally i would want to find a good women who accepts me the way I am and we live a very relaxed and fun life. I care about everything. My child, my career, my friends, etc. I am not consumed by them but I care about them. It is said that married men live longer. I am not sure if that is still true. In just about every relationship that I have had, including my marriage, the woman always wanted me to be different. I have never wanted anyone to change. I am not happier being single necessarily but at least I can just be me.

      1. 3.2.1

        well I married a man who told me to find a woman who’d teach me how to act like one and couldn’t stand who I was and I am laughin g now I don’t care but I got hurt we all deserve to be loved as we are and frankly if I had to change the guy I wouldn’t bother to be involved with him simple as that…if you don’t like them as they are of course that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have boundaries you should…..

    3. 3.3

      How did you get all of that perspective of him on one date?

      1. 3.3.1

        “How did you get all of that perspective of him on one date?”
        Was that a serious question? lol You didn’t know that they have amazing abilities of intuition? Hell she probably knew how much money he makes, what he thinks of spoon position, how many times a day he lies, how many jobs he was fired from, how many gfs he’s had, how he screwed up all the relationships, why his kids hate him and how many times a week he masterbated within the first 3 minutes.

  4. 4
    Sam P.

    I agree with everything Evan said, but I’d like to expand on the finances dimension.
    Men make, on average, $10,000 more per year than women do.   Men with BAs earn $16,000 more per year than women with BAs.   Men have lower expenses on clothing, make up, grooming, and a slew of other things.   Thus, most men do not have the same financial incentives to get married than women do.

    1. 4.1

      This quote from the article pretty much sums it up:

      “Their needs are met by their male friendships and their careers and the last thing they want to do is hold your purse when shopping at Nordstrom.”

      Men are more okay being single because dating is a huge time investment. Aside from sex, what benefits do women these days give men that they couldn’t get from their friends? None. Women used to treat even the most average man like a king. He would come home from a long day at work with dinner on the table, a clean house, and kids picked up from school. The wife was the ultimate support system while the husband slaved away paying the bills.

      Now that women want “equality” they are no longer willing to make a man feel awesome. Instead they are more likely to divorce you and take half your stuff. Women in the US have become a liability if you’re a man and dumb enough to actually get married.

      So again I beg the question. What reason does an intelligent man have to want to date a woman if she’s only going to cost him time and money? Over 50% of marriages fail and in the majority of divorce cases, the favor is given to the woman. She collects the alimony and the kids.

      I would love to see what would happen if regulated prostitution was legal in the US like in Amsterdam. Then men would truly have everything they needed from a woman and then maybe women’s attitudes would change and they would try harder to be worth a man’s time.

      1. 4.1.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        Dude. Listen to yourself. If you believe that women are good for nothing more than sex, why would any woman want to marry you anyway?

        1. RustyLH

          Evan…DUDE…try listening to him. He is saying that there was a time when men did want women for more than sex. He is saying that today, women are just too much of a liability. I spent 20 years in the Navy and I can assure you of one thing…there is a huge difference between American women and women from other countries. We American men have taken not of that. Expect to see more marriages with foreign brides. Oh, I know, the stereotype is that those women are just looking for citizenship. No, they re looking for love. The 2011 Census was quite revealing. If an American man marries a foreigner, he has a 20% chance of ending up divorced, but if he marries an American woman, he has a near 60% chance of ending up divorced. One woman I know said that those women are just gold diggers. Not true. Most of the men they marry are men of modest means. Even enlisted men with no college, and many of the women have college degrees. American women tend to see the enlisted man as a less desirable option. Look at any romance novel with a military man…he’s an officer, not enlisted. So let me know when American women really dig the guy working the counter at McDonald’s.

          Anyway, that brings me to the man’s point above. He said, “Women used to treat even the most average man like a king.” In my travels, and times where I was stationed over seas and thus living in foreign countries, the thing that struck me was how women respected you, even if you were just average. Here, in the U.S., women simply expect too much. And the thing is, that isn’t going to change. I was just reading on another site where a woman was somewhat happy for her mom who in her 50s finally found a man. And yet, she still lamented that mom admittedly had to settle with regards to the man’s education and finances. yes, her knight in shining armor was a bit of a let down…mom had to settle.

          So here’s the thing. I am done with American women, and I am helping many of my single friends to see the light. Most are now looking for wives in other countries. Some have already found wives. Almost all of them feel overwhelmed by the positive response they get from these women, and how kindly they treat us. Also, most of my friends are very happy that these women seem more youthful than their years suggest. They aren’t fat, and enjoy doing active things.

          For decades, men were told to be more like women, to learn how to communicate, and learn how to be supportive. So we learned. We men were told to learn to do our laundry. We were told to learn to cook, do dishes, make a bed, vacuum floors, etc… Well, it isn’t really hard to do, and most of us learned at home by our feminist mom’s teachings. So what the man above was trying to convey is that we don’t need women. Sex is the only thing that we need women for…unless you are gay. We can handle everything that must be done in the house. So we don’t need women. Our male friends are supportive and will lend us an ear when we need to talk about something, and being male, they understand where we are coming from. So what do we need women for?

          They are too demanding. American women are anyway. They want to talk about how Sally told them that Jenny said the Mark said something bad to Julie and now Julie is mad. I would rather hear fingernails on a chalkboard.

          If they have kids already, expect to take second place in their heart. No way she will love you more than her own child. I won’t date a woman with kids. Been there, done that, did not like. I might consider a woman who has kids that are grown and out of the house. For some women, their children moving on with their own lives allows them to see that she is not number one in their hearts…their new boyfriend, or children are. This can free her to devote enough love, attention and respect to the man in her life.

          Do I like to play video games? Yes Do I want to be given crap about it…ever? No. Don’t like that I play video games? Keep it to yourself. Better yet, go cry to your friends about it and damage our relationship even more. See, I like video games…I DO NOT like TV. Video games, I participate actively in, TV is mind numbingly boring. Unless it is something good such as a football game, a history documentary, or something regarding science. But in my experience, the American women I dated or married…hated those with a passion. They want to watch the latest night time SOAP, unREALITY TV, sitcoms, or Lifetime movie. Thanks but no thanks.

          So let’s see…American women don’t really want me…not in my present state. They want to transform me into what they want through denial of sex, love, affection and respect. When that doesn’t happen, I am looking at a restraining order and eventual divorce and loss of some of my stuff, at best, and spending some time in jail at worst.

          So here’s the thing…it isn’t that we are don’t hate being single…we hate the alternative more. In time, we have come to actually love being single. I DO NOT want an American woman messing up the happiness I have found. Period. If I do decide to marry, it will be with a woman who is not American.

        2. starthrower68

          Men and women are just as divided as other groups, it seems.   With all the rancor we have toward each other (the royal *we*), it’s no wonder we have dating issues.   I’m working to change that in myself. I don’t enjoy being tied up in knots inside all the time. And it’s not healthy anyway.

        3. Nick

          I don’t think what bioject is mentioning is implying that men just want sex. I too feel like bioject. If prostitution were legal and safe, I would opt for getting my sexual fulfillment from a prostitute rather than having a relationship with a woman. Why? Not because I am a misogynist. It is because I already can fill my appetite for relationships with friends. And I get to keep my freedom too.   The only thing missing in my life is the fulfillment of my sexual appetite. And I know that after reading this some people will think, “then why not just turn gay?” I will not turn gay because gay men are attracted to men sexually. I am not attracted to men sexually. I am attracted to women sexually. Having sex with a man would not be fulfilling for me; therefore, the only option is to either “try” in a relationship that makes me miserable just for the sake of having sex or have sex with a prostitute and not be miserable.  

          I think that is true for both sexes though. I think women would rather just have one-night stands with men than be in a relationship with a man that makes her miserable. The main difference is that I think majority of women have way higher expectations from a man than a man has from a woman. Most men just want a woman who is nice, who they get along with, who is mildly attractive, and who is grateful for the things he gives or does for her. Many women, on the other hand, are very interested in a man’s finances, level of charm, and social popularity. Additionally, I think more women are willing to trade-up than men. Speaking in numbers, most men I meet are more committed than women. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that many women realize it is easy to just ditch their relationships and find someone else. Many women leverage their sexuality for a more popular and financially well off man. I don’t care about any studies that have been done. Studies are crap. When people are studied they generally act how they’d like to be perceived rather than how they actually act in real life. I can say what you said in your post, Evan, is very inline with most men I meet.

        4. Marius

          Bioject: speaks many truths, and its amazing how many men realize the same thing. I am a single man and prefer to be single and one of the main reasons is that none of the women I ever dated contributed anything to me that makes it worth while, the commitment, troubles, nagging and limited freedoms…. Now I know the stereotypical textbook for modern relationships say: “blame the man for it” so sure its ok, deny it and blame it on me.
          But the fact is that an increasingly great deal of men I talk to feel the same. relationships is about pleasing women nowadays and for a man its take it as it comes. Women are more likely to be a threat or a opposition to men today than a support or a “partner” figure.   women are more likely to disrespect men and have nothing good to say about their partners than anything constructive.   More men like Bioject and friends of mine feel there is no advantage about being in a relationship with a woman nowadays for many guys.  
          Some might still find something that works but they are becoming the exception and not the rule. The thing is many mens options are deliberately left out of the studies, and argued against rather than included, for the simple reason is that people don’t want to hear it. Its a state of denial the modern gender development is in. Relationships are just not the way of the future anymore in the current trends, there is no point defending it.   It will just spark more resistance and arguments.

        5. Marius

          What I try to say is we live in a modern liberated world where people can be who ever they choose to be, without having to explain themselves or criticized by public debate. If you choose old fashion marriage then do it, if you choose to be gay, then do it..If you choose to stay single and independent and it works for you then do it and its not any bodies business why you do it, or nobodies position to try and diagnose you with a disorder for making your own choices.
          For what I am concerned, articles like this don’t even need to be because it is just plain and simple nobodies business why a man would choose to stay single, its his life, his choice and his business.
          For a person to claim to be an expert and write one single theory to why a man would choose to be single is absurd. people are way to diverse and unique to be able to create one theory and cast it on all as if they are a category in a catalog.   It makes as much sense as to explain why people go to church…you can get endless of different reasons depending on the individual.
          But just as no person can cast their ideal of religion upon you, so can no person cast their sexuality or traditions on you. its your choice and your reason why you make them and have nothing to do with any body or to be explained to any body. Its personal choices we all are entitled too. if women want to be independent, as a man I respect her right, if I want to be single then respect my choices as well and I don’t need to explain myself to any woman.
          A free and liberated world applies to men as much as to women, to make choices that works best for us according to our social environment which women are as responsible for creating as men are.

        6. AJ

          I have to agree with the guys on this one. I have been a tomboy all of my life, so I enjoyed things like video games, football and basketball games, paintball, etc. it’s not that I didn’t enjoy the company of females it’s just there was a lot of drama involved like all the time. And women’s lives as far as I have known and seen have been revolved around who they are dating and what they are going to do with their hair and what clothes they are going to buy.   I’ve always been career minded, I am a civil engineer and   have mostly been independent by choice. Guys I don’t blame you at all, from what I can gather from what I read it’s not like you never wanted a committed relationship it’s just that women are more trouble than they are worth. If we were to get back to the days where women respected their husbands and didn’t run their mouths, and actually said words of encouragement instead of beating their husbands down we would be better off, meaning more marriages would be intact. when I was growing up my mom wore the pants in the family so to speak, and that messed up their relationship. “Wives be submissive to your husbands…  ” that’s biblical! not trying to get all spiritual in this forum but if we all resorted back to the Bible, there would be less divorces because women would learn their role as a supporter. Evan, I loved your article it gave me points to consider. Bioproject and RustyLH you made some very valid points as well.

        7. Michelle

          Lol they don’t want him – that’s the facts! He hates women. Who would want to hang around it?

        8. jim hampton

          He’s not saying marry them (women), he’s saying just have sex with them. That’s all they are good for. Being in their company is not even fun.

        9. Evan Marc Katz

          Then clearly, you’ve wandered onto the wrong site. What value would a man who hates women have to our readers?

        10. Devil

          Evan, the guy you just responded to doesn’t want to get married at all. Lots of men don’t want to get married these days. The point is this: marriage is no longer something to aspire to. Your inquiry ‘why would any woman want to marry you’ is irrelevant. Why should men want to get married at all?

        11. Evan Marc Katz


          If you don’t want to get married, that’s your prerogative. And if you’re like most people, your mind is already made up, so there’s little point in trying to convince you that you’re missing something. However, I do have to issue a few factual correctives:

          1. “Marriage is no longer something to aspire to.” Given that over 95% of people have been married and given that (despite the decline) 80% of people STILL get married, it seems that a lot of people disagree with you.

          2. My statement “why would any woman want to marry you” is perfectly relevant. Here’s some dude writing an anti-woman/anti-marriage screed on a pro-love-relationship-marriage blog for women. I have no idea why he’d do that if he were truly secure in his position. And for my women readers, I’m pointing out that this is the type of man to avoid – same way I’d presume you’d avoid “man-hating” women, for example

          3. Why should men want to get married at all?

          I have written a few things on this.

          To sum up, happily married men are the happiest people of all. They make more money. They live longer lives. They are more fulfilled. Each year of a happy marriage is worth $100,000 to their happiness. Human connection and love is worth more to people than possessions, although most people don’t realize it until it’s too late. Shall I go on? No. I shall not. Stay single. It’s clearly making you happy enough to rant on a blog for women who want to find love about how wrong they are.

        12. Devil

          1) Is that so? How many of that 95% are divorced, I wonder.

          2) Because some people have fun that way. Personally, I prefer motorcycles and firearms.

          3) Not reading another one of your articles. I didn’t come here to buy what you’re selling.

          “Human connection and love is worth more to people than possessions”

          Really? Then why did you start with: “They make more money”? That was the very first point of contention: money. That alone tells me all I need to know.

          “It’s clearly making you happy enough to rant on a blog for women who want to find love about how wrong they are.”

          I would hardly classify my previous comment as a rant. Your response, however was very…illuminating. Good-bye, Evan.

        13. Evan Marc Katz

          The divorce rate is going down. It was never as high as the mythical 50%. In fact, if you are college educated and you wait until you’re over 30 to get married, the divorce rate is 20%.

          -If you prefer motorcycles and firearms to women, then, by all means, go on with your bad self. No one’s stopping you. I was merely pointing out that any man who prefers guns to women wouldn’t make much of a husband. I don’t think that’s much of a leap on my part, but I’m sure you can correct me if I’m wrong.

          -I honestly don’t understand that last bit of stuff you wrote. I was merely stating a fact: men who get married outearn men who don’t. The reasons behind that are debatable – are they more educated, more tenacious, better at compromise and long-term relationships which affects them both at work and at home? I don’t know. But it seems you have a trigger around women and money and are trying to find any excuse to justify your pro machinery/anti-woman stance. No matter how you spin it, my point remains: there are tons of happily married people, happily married people report that they’re happier than single people, and if you choose to opt out of love, I have no judgment whatsoever. You will be fine and I’m quite confident the women of the world will survive as well.

          Goodbye, Devil.

        14. Marc

          Women do not offer anything men want these days at all.

        15. Evan Marc Katz

          I have a funny feeling that any guy who feels that way about an entire gender probably doesn’t have much to offer that gender either.

        16. Marc

          Are you on drugs?Marriage rates are way down. Most men i know (85%) want nothing to do with marriage

        17. Evan Marc Katz

          Says something about the men you know, not about society as a whole. Signed, a guy with all married friends.

        18. Persephone

          RustyLH, This just makes me crazy to read your post. Hahaha!   I am an immigration professional.   You said:   …there is a huge difference between American women and women from other countries.  

          I know many women from other countries who are under repressive governments and cultures, or in poverty.   Once they trick the American guy into marrying them, and get established, things changed. I have seen it over and over. Bingo…!   Next thing ya know, she has duped the poor American dum dum into a fight.   Or maybe she didn’t have to dupe him into a fight at all, because the man is controlling with a personality disorder. She files a police report.   They divorce.   Then she files for a U Visa or for benefits under VAWA, as a victim of DV.

          But what I have also observed, is that there seems to be a common thread among this.   The men involved might actually be abusers.   They often seem very misogynistic.

      2. 4.1.2

        I couldn’t agree more!

        1. PL

          Nailed it Nick..

        2. CHRISTY

          Divorce rates are coming down? That’s because people aren’t marrying as much , not because men and women are working things out

      3. 4.1.3

        Why on God’s green earth would a woman want to marry a man with such antiquated notions? You talk like women are still your property. Gross. No wonder you people have to pay for sex and order wives off the internet (like property). Your purchased wives are not looking for love, sorry. They’re looking for a ticket out of their hellish living conditions, otherwise they wouldn’t let strange foreigners purchase them. It’s the lesser of two evils. You are the kind of people who complain black people and other people have become too uppity for wanting livable wages.  

        1. lisalin

          What she said.
          And Evan, why didn’t you step in on RustyLH for writing pages of vitriol against all of the women of America and espousing sending off for foreign brides? That is not the purpose of this forum either, is it?

        2. Evan Marc Katz

          I did. You just didn’t read it because he commented so many times on so many posts.

        3. Daria

          I think that American women are a bad purchase anyway,Jen.I’ve noticed that many foreign people have complained about how fake American women are.Not all of them,but many of them are.And of course,not that American men are too brilliantly good.American society is mediocre.

        4. RustyLH

          Jen, I wasn’t going to respond, but what you wrote there is simply not true. The 2011 Census proved your statements false. If I marry an American woman I have about a 60% chance of ending up divorced. If I marry a woman from another country, that drops to a 20% chance.

          Second, no bride is purchased. No “bride” has to say yes. In fact, most “mail order brides” aren’t even mail order. They are met on simple online dating sites, such as BrazilCupid.com which is owned by the same people as OKCupid. Because they charge a subscription fee, any foreign woman you meet there is considered a mail order bride.

          Next, for these women to get approved to come to this country, they must pass a criminal background check. She also gets a copy of the man’s criminal history. Part of the International Marriage Brokers Regulation Act, or IMBRA. The process is so brutal, you must hire an attorney to navigate the minefield. Do not hire one at your own peril. The man bringing a woman here will have to prove that he is financially stable. I have heard things such as having to save up $17,000 in the bank to show this. That is on top of the thousands of dollars you must spend on everything else including the lawyer.

          Next myth. These women come from , as you put it, “hellish conditions.” Some do. Most don’t Most are coming from places like Brazil, which has the 3rd largest economy in the Americas behind the US. and Canada. Other places include Japan, Korea, China, Australia, New Zealand, Thailand, Singapore, Ukraine, Russia, etc… Even in the countries with the lesser economies, it is not the dirt poor farmer girl, or homeless person that is looking for a husband, it is mostly the college educated, with a career. They can afford computers and the internet.

          Next myth. These women are just gold diggers. They are just looking to improve their situation. Let me know when that is not typically the case with American women. Let me know when women dig the guy working the counter at McDonalds. Yes, just like American women these women are looking for a man that can provide stability and security.

          The fact is, these women are looking for love. Most of them anyway. Most will have to learn English. Most are college educated but will have to either retake a significant portion of their classes, or pass certification exams, meaning they must learn the language first. I know a woman from Mexico who was a doctor there. She moved here because this is where her ex husband lives and he has custody of their daughter. She is struggling with English, but learning. As soon as she can learn it, she will be able to take some certification exams and then start working as a general practitioner.

          But here is something to think about. If you find yourself totally disgruntled with American men, why not do the same thing.

          Most relationships come from one of two methods. You join a dating site, such as BrazilCupid.com, or you pay a lot of money to a marriage broker. They are much like that millionaire matchmaker Patty something or other. You pay them a lot of money, and they find women that want to find a husband. They are supposed to vet the women…make sure they are right such as no legal marriage, no dead husbands in the closet, no prostitution, no drugs, etc…

        5. Mike

          I don’t like your ULTRA-feminist ranting about how women are ‘BETTER’ Do you understand the concept of ‘equality of the sexes’ or are women just all-around ‘better’ I liked to think we are halves of the same whole that is humanity. You seem to hate any hint of sympathy for men in the modern dating scene, in short you lack empathy miss.

        6. chris

          You feminists really do all sound the same. To any women asking why men aren’t all that worried about relationships. Because chances are at one point or another we made the mistake of laying down with a girl like Jen. It scared the shit out of us at the same time making us sick to our stomach that this is what we are left with. The original feminists from way back in the day. Would paddle the asses of these little hypocrites of today then get rid of any law that tried to stop them. Not carrying who they offend in the process.

        7. Nick

          That is not always true Jen. Some women do it even though they don’t like it because that is the only thing they can think of to survive, but some women do it because they like it. Plus, Jen, someone preferring to pay for sex has nothing to do with thinking a woman is property or being racist.  

        8. Marius

          Men pay for it because the ones who is free have nothing to offer that is worthwhile.   If women had more to offer men would not have cared about ordering women over the net and spend money if its free. The pure reason they do it is the proof that that what is free is not worth the hassle.   He have more to loose than to gain from normal relationships.

        9. Cristy

          right on, Jen..lol…..men you can deny all you want point is you still need women..

        10. Marius

          @Cristy That’s where you have it wrong, that’s what women believe. Increasing amount of men realize these days that not only can they go without women, but life works so much better without women. Im 35 and never been married or have kids and the older I get the more I realize I did the right thing and I must keep it like that. The older I get the more guys I meet who’s lives are ruined by wedding rings and kids, during and after marrage and every time I thank my lucky stars for my insight to stay where I am.

        11. DarthW

          What about the “antiquated notions” that even “feminist” women have these days.    While I don’t have an issue with woman making the same money as a man provided she is doing the same job, course, yet I haven’t met an American woman who pays her fair share of the dates.   I pay for almost ALL of them.   When will a woman hold the door open for me.   Or carry my tactical bag when I go to the gun range?   Most all the married men I know pay all the bills, while their wives either sit at home even though all the “children” are adults and out of the house, or the wives were single moms bringing kids by another man into the marriage yet expecting the stepdad to simply be agreeable to paying the bills.  
          And then all the drama, often debt, etc. that women bring to we men’s lives. Blech.   My 401K and IRA are fully funded.   I have money in the bank and all the time in the world to make more money because I don’t have some woman holding me back with her expensive tastes and honey-do lists, as I see my married buddies deal with.
          Any sensible man knows women in the Western world bring little to the table that makes marriage pallatable or worthwhile.  

      4. 4.1.4

        That’s awesome..

        1. Jeff

          At this point, David, I don’t even know what you’re referring to (there have been too many comments). But, to go through all these back and forth, longish comments, and then just stumbled upon “That’s awesome” made me legit LOL.  

      5. 4.1.5


        You speak the truth

        I agree with everything you just said, and it is unfortunate.

        I am in my 30’s, 6 foot tall, good looking, high net worth and dating a smart, beautiful Chinese girl that I enjoy being around.

        …..I stopped going after American women many years ago. Do not lose hope brother. We live in a big world and traditional values are practices and encouraged in many other countries.


      6. 4.1.6

        you are right and I am a woman including the prostution part the way I see it is why give it away for free if your going to get used for sex anyway get paid at least then you’ve made a good business decisoion and sincerely if your not going to treat the guy like a King then you will be miserable so you might as well have just let him pay you and get what he wanted which after all is only sex he needs nothing more

      7. 4.1.7

        Women used to make men feel like Kings by being a cook in the kitchen, a maid in the living room, and a whore in the bedroom. (Note, she didn’t also work full-time and he probably didn’t play video games.) Based on this, the King never really valued the relationship, personality, or companionship of any specific female, but really just the labor that could have theoretically come from any willing attractive female subject.

        If what made the King feel awesome was this domestic labor but he had to financially support her, it would seem that the King would be even happier now that women have careers too and still do the majority of housework and child rearing – essentially giving him free labor and making having children a possibility.

        Based on this logic, it would seem that women have even more to offer men these days than ever before: we bring significant income to the household, which was not the case back in the day, plus we will cook, clean, and raise kids at least 50% of the time, if not more. So this really can’t be about women’s declining contributions to the home, or that we have nothing to offer men, but that a man doesn’t feel like a King without being in control of a dependent servant. Yet, he doesn’t want a gold digger either I bet.

        What may be the case is that men don’t really want the home life in the first place, that’s just what had to happen in order to get sex and now it is much more possible for men to get sex without marriage, supporting a wife and the resulting kids.

        What also has happened, in my opinion, is that with women’s significant increase in overall household contributions men have more time for leisure pursuits like video games; yet we just don’t feel like simultaneously being treated like a King’s servant anymore and expect a man to also pull his weight around the house, act like a grown-up and put away video games, and meet some of our emotional needs too. Even more of what men really don’t want to do apparently.

        I would say that men now offer much less to women. There is no option for total support, just more domestic work and waning relationship value with someone that now openly prefers to act like a teenager instead of our hero.


        1. John Wright

          Crickets.   That was one hell of a post, great logic.    I would add 2  considerations:   first  I think it’s just hard to have a partner in general, marriage is no exception.   And second, living together is super hard.    Roommates aren’t partners, but look at high amount of conflict in those living arrangements.

        2. Don

          Men aren’t hero’s and Women are servants. We all live in the 21st Century. We live in a Western Culture where Gals and Guys are to be given equal opportunities in their individual life choices.

          Why should a guy contort his body and mind to make a gal happy?

          Why should a gal contort her body and mind to make a guy happy?

          We all offer much less to each other as our riles have become intertwined.

          Men can cook, clean the house, change diapers, take care of the laundry, grocery shopping, etc.

          Women can mow the lawn, repair electronics, fix a flat tire, jump start the car, etc.

          End of the day, their are only 3 identifiable differenceso between us and those are just body parts.

          This may sound harsh but it is true. Sad? Frustrating? Angry? But true in today’s culture.

      8. 4.1.8

        Don’t you think it is a little unfair to expect dinner, spotless house and kids all taken care off now that we live in times when an average household is not able to support itself on one income? Today both have to work 40-60 hour week to pay the bills, mortgage and to raise kids on top of that. Don’t you think it would be fair to split those tasks at this point?

        1. Uriah

          I wasn’t going to comment on this as there is enough anger and division, but then I saw this from Rondolo.

          Today both have to work 40-60 hour week to pay the bills, mortgage and to raise kids on top of that.

          This is the real problem people. Sure there are other issues but this is where all the problems start. Nobody has any time or energy left to work on a relationship, and they must be worked on constantly.

    2. 4.2

      Sam P
      you only speak half truth, Men work on average 17hr per week more than women, 95% of work related death are men, men are willing to use their degrees and engage in higher risk work that pay more while women stand cue for the office job with aircons that is not facebook blocked.
      The day women take the same risk, take the same hard and dirty jobs out in the rain, high on in the air on construction sites, risking their lives the pay gap will not be there in favor of men anymore.  
      When you control for the risky work and more hours men work, women effectively earn more in USA than men for the same work
      Women have more degrees than men now, have more employment than men in the USA and during the recession 80% of job losses was male positions that was closed. Yet men value them selves by their income and ability to earn and support a family, women value men for the very same function. no woman will date an unemployed man. so not just 80% job losses was men, but 100% of those who lost their gender identity was male, because if a man loose his job its not just a job, its his manhood, his father hood, his muscularity, that what makes him feel like a man.
      Still after the gender equality women still expect men to pay for dates, men still must drive the nice car and buy the expensive engagement ring. When a woman have a baby the man must still mostly be the one working so that she can stay at home looking after the baby, thus her income is hers, his income is his and hers, yet his income must be equal to hers, leaving her in the privileged position. Women in relationships mostly have two incomes, his and hers, men have one income, his or half of his.
      I know you going to try to overthrow this with a few exceptions where women are the providers but it does not really affect the stats that much though. During the recession it was well observed as men loose their jobs, the marriages falling apart and the women go off on their own, he was only good enough as a man as long as he could earn and provide.   Men are still only financial object to many women and the recession proved it.

      1. 4.2.1


        Why do you allow these MRA trolls to continue to post. Men coming on here to tell women interested in finding relationships that lead to marriage that women are worthless except to use for sex….how does this contribute to the discussion? This is one bitter man posting hate and getting attention.  

        1. Chance

          While I agree that a lot of this dialogue isn’t helpful, MRAs and feminists are the same thing.   Do you propose that we don’t allow feminists on here as well?

        2. Julia

          yes, they’re not. I was a president of a feminist organization. I don’t consider men useless, I don’t hate them. Feminists seek equality for all people, mras seems to just hate women.

          If you think they are the same its probably because you’ve spent too much time reading MRA stuff.  

        3. Julia

          And if you need a succinct essay on the difference between feminism and misandrist hate groups, here you go

          If there were women coming on here advocating that men were useless and arguing that they are terrible and to just use them for sperm, I would call that person a troll.  


        4. Chance

          Julia, I’m not sure I follow your logic.   Can you please explain what you mean by “If you think they are the same its probably because you’ve spent too much time reading MRA stuff.”?    It doesn’t appear to make any sense.    I think MRAs and feminists spend a lot of time hating the opposite sex, and I think any objective observer would agree.

        5. Marius

          Julia, MRAs say exactly the same thing about feminists. and have great proof of their facts as much as feminist have. MRA and feminist have much in common. How can you stand for equality if you do not allow MRA to seek equality for men in areas where they lack equality? you cannot talk about equality with a one sided view. That is called hypocrisy.
          what you think you know about MRA is what you learned in the feminist community through feminist glasses.
          If you want to be respected by the average male out there, you need to snap out of the feminist mentality which is not the same as gender equality, its the same as feminist defined gender equality which are two different things.   Few men would buy into your bias. the thing is you need to accept reality and stop looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear and that’s why I think these trolls are important. its much easier for me to search porn than to sit hours thinking and typing here, I can really do much more with my time, and if I didn’t care do you think i would have wasted to minutes of my time to contribute.
          The fact is that I am not here to tell you what you want to hear.  
          its not uncommon for feminist to look at the hard facts and still deny it or get offensive because it is not what they would like to see.
          But you can only find an imaginary man in that imaginary world. Same apply for many MRAs

        6. Marius

          I must confess I have been in MRA groups but got out of it, picked up some valuable information, I have been on feminist sites and did alot of reading. I withdraw from MRAs cause they are really no good a lot of idiots and hateful guys. I must give you the benefit of the doubt that feminist are generally by far more beneficial to gender development than MRAs even if I don’t agree with all feminist stuff. there are many feminist who produce garbage as well.    But feminist do set the world in to a better direction of development by for, you cannot compare it. I would rather want to see the worlds gender policies done by feminists than MRAs,   however it does not mean MRA’s have not managed to get a few accurate facts as well. But despite the common ground MRAs and feminism often share feminism is by far the better road. However it does not change my view on relationships as it formed with my own experiences. But hey many feminists also prefer to be single so I dont see the problem really.

        7. j-pierre mercier

          julia, honey, don’t try to shut down discussion. men are telling you how they FEEL. EXPRESSING themselves. do you want fluff all the time? we’re telling you why we don’t hate being alone. try to get a grip on the level of frustration when it’s being indicated to you, sweetie. you see, we didn’t have the benefit of women’s studies in our curriculum to warn us about the perils of the so-called fairer sex. so we learned the hard way, hence MGTOW, at least for a while, to give our circulatory system time to re-distribute the blood evenly between our conflicting heads. and the MRM is not about hate, it’s about trying to put an end to the institutional insanity that weighs against male roles in today’s world.

        8. Get out?

          Why are you commenting then ?! LoL . seriously. maybe you have no part in this conversation, i am looking to understand why i feel and act this way. You on the other hand, just seem pissed off..?

        9. MikeTO

          “Feminists seek equality for all people, mras seems to just hate women.”
          This is what feminists have claimed but they do entirely different. That’s why men can’t even get a support group in many universities.

          If feminists wanted true equality they would let MRA discuss things. Look at Milo who have been silence from feminists and now even with black lives matter groupies.
          Feminists motive is to silence men not to have equality among the sex.

        10. Don


          I don’t think most of these comments are coming from “Women Haters”.

          Many of us are sharing our first hand experiences. Do we sound frustrated, irritated and at times resentful? Yes. We have been broken, whipped, financially ruined. We have been slap around by a system that in our minds and opinions has and is continuing to work against us.

          Most of us don’t hate women. We just don’t want to deal with women on any type of relationship outside of being a coworker and/or a friend without benefits.

          Having read through all of the postings, a pattern (or profile) has been formed from these. It’s up to you to decide how you want to work with the information contained within this blog.

      2. 4.2.2

        I’m sorry that there are women who have not treated men well and I can understand men’s pain and confusion.   That having been said, if one cannot extend grace and forgiveness toward others, then yes, you are better off remaining single.   And without friends and family.   Human beings are flawed, sinful creatures who are imperfect. Even people with the best of intentions will fail you at least unintentionally.   Nobody will ever be able to make up for the wrongs of the past.   As do men, women respond better to encouragement and edification, not tearing down.   If you want to motivate people toward positive change, a spirit of grace will do that, not a critical, angry spirit.   You may have every right to be angry but no one else is obligated to internalize your anger.   You get to own your feelings but you don’t get to have everyone else own them.   I’ve been called out plenty of times on here when I didn’t put my best foot forward and I had to own that.   But to come on here and and express derision and contempt for others, then when called bitter, deny it is just passive aggressive behavior.   You are probably getting temporary relief and satisfaction at putting others “in their place” but you are not winning hearts and minds.   

        1. Marius

          I was at first a bit confused if you where relpying to my message to Sam P. you see   critical, angry spirit with me? I think its more your own feeling you observe because I dont see that. Sam P presented facts, the facts only said half of the truth, the half that supports feminist theory, I carry knowlaged about many other facts that changes the bias picture she presented.
          So if me bringing this new facts to rectify the picture make me look critical, angry spirit and unforgiving and what else… then I’m Sorry however I cannot hide from the fact that the facts feminist provide is extremely selective which imply its manipulative. once you add the rest of the data that is out there…well many women especially feminists get very angry and offended because it is not what they would have loved to see, but if you get offended by the truth, then there is a problem.
          With that being said I must admit, men can be real pricks and I include myself but men are not stupid.  
          Facts are very selective, we can choose what data we want and how we want to represent it, this is what Sam P did, what Julie try to defend and what I did to respond with. Selective sampling is the deliberate skewing of facts. Feminists are very good at it, I can show how good MRAs are with it as well.
          but this is not about feminist vs MRAs its about me adding correction to skewed data representation.

      3. 4.2.3

        I think it’s all really sad there is a total breakdown in society that’s the truth woman needed to be liberated out from under the hands of abusive men and in fact weren’t by the feminist movement it instead liberated most of them from good men and any common sense from what I can see. I figure if a man is good to you why wouldn’t you be as good back? why do woman want more and he works harder and she keeps her money? sadly that is wrong but most woman don’t look past their biological makeup which is to nurture so they don’t see the same need to provide as men do and I know that pisses off feminists but I am not one. I just figure I am a woman who enjoys being a woman I don’t have a problem taking a way the guys plate or serving him or other wise if I was sitting there he could do the same and neither do I have a problem investing in property or trying to earn an equal living with the guy because who can afford to get ahead in ths day age without a woman’s income. at least not in my Country maby if American’s end up needing each other again financially to survive the fight will end, I don’t know I only know I would rather love a man than fight with one it’s way more fun and much more exciting…..we all need a deep connection and someone to call our own that is what it is suppose to be about. men and woman love differently because we are different so we hate differently as well but who has time to hate so sad it is….

      4. 4.2.4

        Marius, right on!

      5. 4.2.5

        Marius:   I worked in conditions you described.    the same hard and dirty jobs out in the rain, high on in the air on construction sites, risking their lives” but some of the men gave me all holy hell for being there. I ran circles around many of the men  andI did my job well. I was made to feel like they did n’t want me there. I understand why women do not even get hired for these jobs, when they often want them, except for the constant harrassment. It still goes on .

  5. 5

    I know some men who absolutely hate being single.   I don’t think that Evan meant all men – just some men in general.   My guy loves being coupled up!   You just need to keep your heart open to the guys who do.   There is still hope…

    1. 5.1

      I agree. I absolutely hate being single, because I love giving love to women! I love the hand holding, the intimacy, the smiles and the kisses, the communication and playful ways a woman acts. Being single is very heart wrenching. I love having a woman I can cuddle up with and fall asleep with at night! But, I have to agree with some of the expectations of women, most of the time they are things I dont meet, and I miss out on great love opportunities.

      1. 5.1.1


        …dude, that comment was extremely lame and I’m going to have to revoke your MAN card.

        I bet all your girlfriends cheated on you.

        are you sure you are not Barbie?

        1. Sass

          sounds like you’re a little jealous

        2. Sass

          JennLee 1.1: I would expect everyone’s experiences to be a little different, but research on this topic has been more in line with my experiences. Note that I am not saying that these men are consciously unhappy because they aren’t married. They are unhappier than married men because again research shows there are benefits for men to being married, in general (I realize a lot depends on the individuals in the marriage)

          Mike 1,1,11: If she has to be the aggressor then I would say it’s not easier then, is it? But I’m LOL at men who think this way as if they’ve tested out this theory by going around asking random women for sex and counting the number of times they get turned down (I couldn’t have told you it would be 100 percent and you could have saved the trouble)

        3. JennLee

          Old research. There was a time when sex wasn’t as available outside of marriage. There was a time when a man got further ahead in business by being married and “respectable.” Now he can do so by not being married, which frees up more time to devote to business.

          There was a time when boys and girls were raised with the idea that there are boy’s chores and girl’s chores. Many men grew up not knowing how to cook, or do their own laundry, so they NEEDED a woman. Not so anymore, as we tossed those traditional ideas out. Now, today most men know how to cook for themselves, and in my experience, some men are fantastic cooks.

          The point is that there was a time when being married meant security to a man. Today, many men see marriage as a dangerous minefield.

          And once again, all one need do is look at the current trends. Who reads what, who watches what, and who seeks out advice on how to get into relationships, and who does not. People do read about what interests them. People turn the channel until they find something that interests them. People also seek out professional help when they need it. In all of these things, most women are focused on relationships, most men are not.

          There is a reason that when doing research papers in psychology class, you had to include the date of any research when you cited it in your paper. The reason is because it is understood that what was true 25 years ago is not necessarily true today. Plus, new research often reveals flaws in the methodology of older research, since psychology is actually a very young science.

          It is important to understand that you can’t say always or never, because people are not a monolithic entity. So while the trend today is that men desire a relationship less than women do, that does not change the fact that there are some men that do want a relationship very much, and some women who do not. But overall, more women do want one than men. I do think that if sex were not as available outside of a marriage, more men would rethink their priorities, and would desire a relationship.

        4. Yuko

          Don’t be jealous. All women want a guy like Ken, it’s just the fact. You don’t have to worry about being cheated on ’cause no girls would want to date you even if offered 1 million dollars. 笑笑笑

  6. 6

    Great response Evan!!   Women and men are so different and women need to realize that what men want and need is so different then what we do.   Once you accept this, it becomes easy.   When many of the things that women need are satisfied within the context of other great relationships and we are fulfilled and happy, a relationship with a man is the icing on the cake.   It doesn’t preclude you from getting some of these things from a man but it shouldn’t be your only source.

  7. 7

    I really enjoyed reading this post! I know it can seem depressing, but I actually found it pretty funny the way you wrote it Evan.
    The only thing I can say is that I’ve found that most men DO eventually come around… maybe they take longer than women, but at some point, yes, they do tire of the video games, meaningless sex, long nights at work followed by coming home to an empty house, the bar scene, lack of true companionship, etc.
    And when their guy friends start getting hitched and they find themselves to be the Last of the Mohicans, being single really starts to suck for them!
    That’s why I notice that men can wake up one day after years — no, decades — of being single and decide that they want a real relationship with a real partner. And then they go after it.
    As a woman, I just needed to figure out how to find those guys.   😉

    1. 7.1

      Thank you for proving not all women are man-haters like Jen XD

      1. 7.1.1

        ….sadly most Western women are !! It is not entirely their fault , they have been brainwashed by the ” media ” & anti-male feminist propaganda !! Also most women naturally prefer the company of their own gender.

    2. 7.2

      >yes, they do tire of the video games, meaningless sex, long nights at work followed by coming home to an empty house, the bar scene, lack of true companionship,  

      LOL.   It’s a bit comical how little you understand men.

      >video games

      What you’re basically saying is that men eventually “man up”.   Men have their own varied interests, all of which they can carry out without women, and without women’s judgment.

      >meaningless sex

      Women entangle emotions with sex.   Men don’t, necessarily.   Your equalitarian notions are causing you to imply men want what women want.   And we don’t.     

      >coming home to an empty house

      Women are afraid of noises at night.   Men are not.   Men long for peace and quiet.   An empty house or apartment is just fine 🙂
      >lack of true companionship  

      Men form lasting relationships with people they respect.   Our friendships last decades.   We don’t yearn for female “companionship” the same way women yearn for male attention and companionship.

      The reality is I can get sex anytime I want, because women are fine with ONS and short-term relationships.   I realize Evan doesn’t like it but when another poster said increasingly women don’t offer much beyond sex, he had a point.   Men are adapting to this reality, and we’re doing just fine without an aging S.O 🙂

      1. 7.2.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        It’s not a matter of whether I like it. All I care about is that women choose men who value them. As a guy who thinks women are only good for sex, you would not be a prime candidate for any of my readers as a partner. I assure you, with your outlook on things, no one here really cares whether you are in their dating pool.

        1. Marius

          “An empty house or apartment is just fine”
          “Men are adapting to this reality, and we’re doing just fine without an aging S.O”
          is the parts where he said that relationships is not important for him or many others. For you to throw the “now I’m a hurt little girl” move to say he is not a good “candidate” for women is kind of like saying to a gay guy that he will not make a good husband for your daughter.   I mean really? he just said it that he is not that interested and now you say he is not a good candidate WTF… it’s like people here have great difficulty reading or something.

        2. Marius

          I’m not sure how long it will take for you to grasp this simple concept that there is no point in you telling me that your women should not date me if I am not interested in dating…does any of it make sense to you or do you need more time to think about it. your article is about men who choose to me single and that’s why I comment here because I am a man who choose to be single. that IMPLY that I am not interested in dating so don’t you want to tell me one more time, that I am not a suitable dating candidate for your women Please! LOL…think about it, its very logical and not all that difficult to understand.
          further more, I never said women are only good for sex, I say women have nothing more to offer a man in a relationship other than sex. I cook, I clean, I have friends who I have more incommon with than any woman I ever dated, I have friends who have more respect for men than any woman I know sho for her boyfriend, I have anything a woman can possibly offer me and much more by being single but self-sufficient…the logical conclusion is that the only thing women still have to offer which I don’t have is sex. This does not mean I say women are only good for sex, this means that I have no need in a women other than that because all my needs are already fulfilled without women.    
          You blame me for the fact that women have nothing good to offer me in a relationship besides sex, if women had more to offer then I would see more value in them, but after countless relationships and dates I can say i found none that I can say I have a need for. the sacrifices I had to make was never worth the effort. There is nothing not even an experience I can point to to say she made it all worth my while to make the sacrifices I have made up to now.
          The logic is simple, if you are an idiot with only a lot of money to show then that all people will see in you, if you have nothing than the a ability to bake nice cookies, then the parents will bring their kids to you for cookies because its all you have to offer. its simple you decide what you have to offer. Women do the same, they see the fact that they have looks and sex-appeal as the reason men must entertain them, pay for everything, take their verbal abuse, meet their expectations, be objectified as their romance, financial and security objects…gosh any man who take all that desperately only need sex.   In my experience women are not all that bad at once but a grey scale between all that bad and just no point to have around.
          Unfortunately I don’t need sex and since women only have sex to offer me (the rest in my life is sorted out), I am not interested in dating I have no need for a woman. But its not my fault that women only have sex to offer, its up to them what they have to offer. Some women are bad in bed, but good cooks, a guy who can barely   boil a egg will only see her for her ability to make good food, as the most valuable part of her, a women who is good in bed and cook good food, her husband will see her for her ability to cook and good sex…the point is, people see in you what you have to offer, if guys only see sex in women then that is all women have to offer that guys still need. In the old days men needed women for cooking, cleaning, sex, raising children, being support for him, and men valued all of those roles in women, today women have none of that and all that’s left is sex, men (increasing number) learn to do the rest for themselves.   The point is if I can do everything for myself what women could do for a man and do it in away that i like, if i have good friends who give me better emotional support than any women i ever dated, if I have friends who contribute more to making the friendship work than what any woman ever contributed, if i have friends I have more in common with than any women I ever dated without using me only for my money and trying to rule my life, then why on earth would I tie myself in a relationship with a woman?.that would be just plain stupid.   Most of my friends would answer it like…hey you forgot the sex…that can be a reason to put up with that. well thats my point.   Its all women have to offer which guys still have a need for. for some women its offensive for others its potential power. depends if they good in it or not. the point is there is nothing missing out of my life I can agree with to say that “I need a woman” and there is nothing they have to offer to make the sacrifices worthwhile, been there done that, and it doesn’t work for me.
          Then I’m not even started with all the new double standards, male roles that have been abolished by feminism, increasing laws that objectify men, women becoming mens opposition rather than support. Gosh must I appreciate that? LOL   Now you can pick the women side in every argument as you say. and its very noble of you, I’m sure they appreciate it because women will always agree with that she wants to hear. But for most guys will not take you seriously and that in a way means the advice you give women is kinda useless because many guys do not agree with it and women buy everything you say because it makes them feel good, but its kinda useless because its not entirely accurate. It might just as well be a another women’s magazine sitting here telling women only what they want to hear.
          But no I never said women are only good for sex, I said sex is all women have to positively contribute which men have still a need for. men where forced to take care of the rest themselves as women became absent in their quest for independence and careers. There is a big difference and it is kinda generalized so its not absolute for every situation. That’s perhaps why not all guys remain single.   But its a growing trend that women become increasingly useless for men for the sake of relationships.
          I would not have said this if I thought I was the only person seeing this, but I am surrouned by guys who would agree with me, because its not the first time I talk about this. So you can argue call me names and advise your women not to date me, please do! but the facts still remains, the situation is not getting any better or else your article would never existed. no woman 100 years ago would have asked you the question:
          Why Don’t Men Hate Being Single As Much As Women Do?

        3. Rachel

          Marius, brevity is a skill 😉 We’re all real sad we can’t date you, but as I just had a 3rd date with a hot Aussie (no sex, just lots of kissing!) and we’re having our 4th date this weekend, I can sae plenty of guys out there who see women as much more than sex objects and are happy to have nice feminine companions and they really value us. U maybe not keen to date but as long as there’s a cool man somewhere for every woman reading this website, that’s A-ok! We all choose our own roads in life. <3

        4. starthrower68

          I must respectfully ask Maurius why Evan would not tell “his women” not to date you?   You are stating that you want to remain single, and fine, nobody would disagree with your freedom to do that.   It is, however, understood that most female readers – not all – are looking for a long term relationship that could lead to marriage.   Unless a girl is good with an occasional booty call that isn’t going to lead to anything, it makes no sense for Evan to encourage a woman to date someone who wants more than that.   I have never seen him judge anyone for doing that, but it seems as a dating coach, he would not be doing his due diligence to suggest that someone aim at target and miss on purpose. Evan, correct me if I’m wrong, but is not your objective to teach women to date effectively and with intention?

        5. starthrower68

          Who wants no more that is to say  

        6. Marius

          With all respect, I would like to answer your question you asked me if I only know what it is. You started asking me a question and ended asking Evan a question. Maybe just clarify that if you are seeking my response.
          the topic is:
          Why Don’t Men Hate Being Single As Much As Women Do?
          Is Evan single male and not having a problem with it?
          are any of the women here Rachel for instance a single man and happy with it?
          I am a single man who choose to be as a life long decision-(commitment), one of few people here “live” the topic.   and have experience about why I am single and choose to stay this way.
          Any person who is not a man who choose to stay single will be guessing when they try to answer this topic. Who would know better why a guy likes being single than a guy who likes being single? But for some reason people who never experienced it , never made that conscious decision knows better only because the audience like what they hear. So before you read to much about what I write first ask the question if you want to hear what is real in the life of someone who choose to be single, who lives it or hear what makes you happy and feel good? else there is no point reading my comment further.
          No guy who loves dating and love his married life can really say why a man prefer to be single, unless he get his clues from other mainstream sources written by people who probably also is not a single man who prefer to be single.  
          I mean, imagine I must answer why a woman would prefer to keep a baby even while she is still at school. I mean I have never done that or been in her shoes so I would be guessing if I must answer it, I can read about it, and rephrase other peoples opinions and experiences but I cannot accurately explain it or express it, I can only quote and draw my own conclusions which is nothing more than assumptions and the chances that a woman who have been in that position will tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about is very good. The simple reason is: I have not been in that position to really know.
          With that being said: Evan has probably never had the insight and motivation that cause him to prefer staying single.   Maybe a bit at some times in his life or so but okay, im just guessing..so sue me if I’m wrong…but anyhow… so he could only talk about secondary information that he rewrite in his own words or what   his reasons would be as a man who do not prefer to be single, if he would have been a man who preferred to be single which he isnt. That explains why I am not on the same page as he is.
          How accurate can that be?   but since his audience like what they hear, they have no doubt its the truth. They want it to be the truth.  
          While me who is a man who live this topic every day of my life, seems to differ with him slightly, but most importantly he misses most of the real reasons.   If the things he mentions are the only reasons why guys stay single, then I would have been back in the dating game in no time. The cues he mentions does not stand for much motivation to stay single. why? because he is not a man who prefer to stay single.   He cannot express what a guy thinks who get a message from a girl who like to go on a date and I politely decline because I prefer to stay single. None of the real factors was mentioned perhaps because the foundation of the argument is not a fact.
          Hereby I don’t doubt his intentions and experience with advice, or suggest that he has bad intentions. No I suggest none of that.
          I only say the things he said never crossed my mind while I am a guy who prefer to be single as my real reasons. If it never crossed my mind, then how can it be accurate for guys who prefer being single.
          I am the guy this girl who ask the question is referring too. How am I not to know, why I choose what I choose, when I choose it? I must know what goes through my mind when I make my decisions.
          Now many of the things he say is true in a way, but its not the real deciding factors. Firstly the idea that men are more happy to be single than women is not even a fact, its a assumption. It might just be that men are more likely to hate relationships or be threatened by marriage more than women.   Making them more likely to choose single status in comparison to women. This might support the “fear of commitment to women theory” but not also not necessarily the “commitment phobia theory” which is based on another assumption and not facts. (Feminist jargon)
          Commitment phobia scientifically means two things which is not true in the case where it’s used when men don’t want to marry.

          Commitment Phobia– 1) phobia is an irrational fear, a fear not based on true facts and to the point of medical significance where it disrupts a persons life. a person being afraid of a glass of water that is a phobia. Divorced men are less likely to remarry again. thus true real life experiences generate the fear for a new commitment based on what he already, truly experienced. Thus it is not irrational but in fact a real self defense response against something he know is real.   Many men do have their lived destroyed, have elevated risk for suicide after divorce which means it is not irrational. the risks are real and the dynamics of it is uncertain for the future.   It poses a real threat to a mans quality of life, manhood, savings, and even life.
          Commitment phobia- 2) it insinuate that men have a fear of all forms of commitments this include, studies, home bonds, starting business these are all commitments which men do not show any fear for. thus if you fear to commit only to women, then women are the common denominator and not commitment. the term commitment phobia is jargon and its nonsense.
          so to say men have a fear of getting committed to women is more accurate. it does not suggest all commitment and does not suggest that its irrational. a fear of open spaces is irrational, fear of loosing the house you work for all your life is not after seeing it happen to your friend is not irrational. Thus its not a phobia, its a true risk.
          But this is just one point I’m touching, the fact that men stay single because they enjoy it or because they are happier single is not a fact and all Evans explanation assume that it is the case, and is not that accurate at all.
          Deep in depth gender studies such as Dr Warren Ferral “Why men are the why they are” touch many of the important issues of why our gender roles is not only changing but falling apart.   the true reason to the increasing single-hood of men is not this simple.
          Men can be very complex to understand, we only see men as simple creatures because women don’t want think to much about figuring them out.   Then instead settle to short phrases to describe them using words like commitment phobia, objectification, one track mind, immature,   to explain them in ways that makes women feel good and what makes men feel misunderstood creating more barriers between genders than bringing genders together.   The problem that fuels the question is much more involved than what is mentioned. As I say that what is mentioned, many of it is true in a way but have very little to do with the ultimate decision.   If those where the ultimate reasons then I would have been married now.

        7. Marius

          I’m very happy for you, not so much for your bf.   Women like being taken out on dates, women like kissing, men like sex. It looks to me like a one sided arrangement where you are the only one who score, but every guy must learn from his own mistakes, some never do.   While you already enjoy what you want, there is no guarantee that he will get what he enjoy. shame
          But at least I’m happy for you Rachal and I’m glad I’m not him anymore. Been there, done that wasted my money and time, now I move on.

        8. Rachel

          Sorry Marius I replyed to u in 7.2.2 in the wrong place! Using the website on smartphone is confusing! 😉 Thanks for the point of view of a single man. I think you will meet one day a woman who can make u fall in love!!

      2. 7.2.2

        Marius, how can u say men don’t enjoy kissing? I agree that your a man and I am not so you should know better, but he seems to enjoy the kissing and in fact I sometimes have to gently push him away because he does not want to stop kissing! Isn’t kissing nice for Both sexes?? Maybe you have not dated enough women and have not met with a woman u like to kiss with, no wonder you want to stay single. XD

        Also I never said me and him was never going to have sex. I do Not want one sided relationships because it’s unfair. So don’t worry about him 😉 My mother taught me to love people who love me! –and u think I don’t want to have sex with him?? I want that! And he will not waste money, I already told him I don’t mind eating Fast food like burger king because he already took me to nice places on first few dates. I dont want to ‘owe’ a man. Just want to have a simple time with a man who likes me for me and I like him for him! I believe in respect for men + women..And thanks I hope you will be happy too! Whatever you choose, everyone is different!

        1. Marius

          sorry for my lack of brevity, but somethings just have to be explained in detail.
          Your second response sound much better than the first and I’m without you on that. But to answer your first part you didn’t seem to level with me, I want to explain a few things.
          But when I refer to kissing and dating for women, sex for men I do not talk about the direct meaning of these things, because in that sense men really don’t want that much sex from women at all. The most important part about these cues I call it, are the indirect meaning of it. men can have an great orgasm 5 times a day looking at super models, why would sex with a gf be so important for a man? in its direct and physical sense it really isn’t important at all.
          What is important is the indirect meaning. the message to his subconscious is 99% of what it is about not the sex, nor the orgasm. with a man taking a woman out, listing to her its all exactly the same concept, you have 20 years in marriage to know each other, why is him spending time to know you in that hour of a date so important? it actually isn’t, but the subconscious message of it is extremely important. and the common subconscious message in all of these events are. “he/she thing my needs is important”
          Every person know women like it if a man spend time to get to know here first. If he doesn’t it would not make much difference in how good he knows her in the 10year marriage scope, but he give her a subconscious message that “what she need is not important.” this turns her off and make her feel unappreciated, disappointed or rejected and the hypothalamus of the brain is in control of that and not you!…that he could have learn about her is often even useless information. what is important is that he cares about what is important to her (as a cue in the female domain). That’s the indirect function about getting to know her on the first date, kissing, taking her on dates. the same with sex for guys. The orgasm means nothing physically!! men get them everyday and often a few times a day, and don’t even need a woman for that. What may take half hour during sex with a woman a man can pull of in 5min having internet. The orgasm and sex directly is 1% of it.
          Remember the cues are subconscious, most people don’t know why they feel the way they do. Therefore the theory of men only need women for sex is actually a myth and I mean it! its feminist jargon, pop culture.
          The real truth is that if a woman have sex with a man, she give a subconscious message that say “what he wants is also important to her” even if the sex sucks, its that message that makes him happy and reinforces trust in her, and subconsciously it is that what men are after not the orgasm.
          Every women who say I will not let a man have his way with me, in fact sends the message to him “that his needs is not important to her” or “she is unwilling to consider his needs.” this sounds like a raw deal, how can he trust her to consider his interests, not because he is not getting sex, but because his male cue that validate him for the relationship got a bad messages.
          So he turn around and walk away, not because he didn’t get sex, but because he is subconsciously told his needs is not important to her and not a factor in this relationship.
          So whether he likes dating and kissing or whether you also enjoy sex is not the most important factor here. The subconscious message is most important, that controls the hypothalamus of the brain and all its chemistry.   It’s that subconscious message that makes him feel like a man or feel like a reject or feel like being used not the orgasm or lack thereof.
          This is something that is still widely misunderstood.   dating, spending time to know her, kissing, sex, gifts…in their physical form they mean really little to anyone, its the subconscious message that channel in those cues say it all.  
          You can for example turn a guy down for sex, he walk away most women think because he only wanted one thing, except this one woman, she tomorrow go back and say she wants to have sex now, he turn around and say no thank you. why? because for most men sex in relationship in its direct form is overrated and not as wonderful as people make it out to be, but in its indirect meaning its what makes him feel important or not, once the subconscious message a woman send him say, “I don’t care what you want”, some men would accept the message and run off, other men would ignore the message an keep on trying until he gets an message that say, “what you need is important for me too” and then he smiles, then he know he is in.
          But sex itself in its physical form, is highly overrated for most guys but the subconscious message is mostly misunderstood.
          Men do not objectify women for sex, they are just desperate for the message from a woman that say “what you want in musculature terms as a man, is also important in this relationship”
          Women blocking away sex is not denying him sexual pleasure, he get that everyday, but it actually sending guys messages that “I don’t care about what you need in this relationship”
          The entire thing even about sex is 99% emotional and has nothing to do with the orgasm or what you can do with your lips. but what you are willing to do with your lips my send bonus messages. 🙂
          So I don’t argue men may like the same things women like and vise verse. But some things are cues owned by the female domain to acknowledges their value, and some cues are subconsciously owned by the male domain to acknowledge their values. and its the subconscious cues which are most important and define the balance of the relationship in its emotional form and not what is physically enjoyed so much.
          A man can go out with a woman, she might even pay, they eat his favorite food, and he can go back home afterwards and feel unappreciated or rejected for the simple fact that the subconscious cues was missing, the physical event was awesome.
          Often the one would do extremely much for the other, the other will not appreciate it because it lacked the subconscious messages. this inefficiency of energy invested in relationships and the lack of appreciation cause many relationship problems as you can slave away and all the efforts have never meant anything since other subconscious cues are much stronger and unintentionally mess things up. think of a man who buy your rings and gifts but he is never home and always with his secretary…what good does all that money for gifts help you? nothing. subconscious cues are everything the physical meaning of it is cosmetic so to speak.

        2. Rachel

          Marius thank you so much for saying the man’s point of view of sex. I really learned a lot! hmm Its true, when a woman doesn’t want sex, the man will feel lousy, thats not good for a romance. Like what you say,the subconscious cue that she valued the man is missing. I never thought like that.

          But I saw on another page (Why Men need to court women again), Evan and many readers say women should wait for a man to commit before sex, Sorry Marius I think its good advice! Women can feel more feelings about a man after sex! they bond. If the man suddenly stops treating a woman seriously, its hard for women. Sex is great, @ the right time! I will think of ways to validate him without sex, until later!! 😉 Only 4th date……But I also want him.

        3. Marius

          What you say is correct, there is nothing wrong with it. As long as he knows that is what it is about, most guys do not look at the woman’s perspective and plan about things. They draw conclusions for them selves for what they think it is. Men do not always understand why you would do the things you do and end-up with a different idea of what its about.
          Most women who ever played hard to get with me ended up playing by themselves when they realize then I’m long gone. because I would just assume she is not really interested, else she would show it. In the mean while she might be, but some friend told her to first play silly games for a while. which I never understood or even know if its true or not. all I see is, I’m trying she is not, its not going both ways, I’m wasting my time, good bye. well men differ, but games like that is risky. however I understand you are not really playing hard to get just leading events on the right course. Just be careful that its not the right course for YOU only. Best let him know whats happening so he understand and have his input there.
          So I do not say women must go have sex with men or else mens hearts would bleed…poor dudes. no not at all, sex is not a obligation for you as a woman, but nor is he caring to date you, or care about your feeling an obligation for him.   so we must not see these things as obligations but they are important somehow.
          But I only say: saying “no” for sex for women have a total different meaning to men. If a man turns around and walk away because he didn’t get sex it does not mean women are literally only good for sex, its a different meaning behind it all together which is often misunderstood. the message is subconscious and its nothing to do with the orgasm he missed out on.
          But sex should never be something women do for a man, its not what its about, sex should work both ways…at the end if he wants sex it must be good for you to, and empowering, for you to want more. so its important for men to give women confidence to explore her pleasures and to have her way in the sex domain.
          When it gets to emotional things, women must watch out for being emotionally needy, its like a guy who make it your job just give BJs for him all the time. not cool!!! Women must do more effort to give men confidence to open-up so that men can also explore the benefits of an emotional connection, this connection should not only be about women and her needs. this will reduce mens behavior of being silent or violent to be more assertive which is healthy in relationships.  
          Thats why men often fear the emotional part of relationships because it only drains him its a job he must do for her.
          That’s why women often fear the sexual needs of men because it enslaves her, its a job she must do for him.  
          But switch roles a bit, man get on your knees and give that girl a orgasm she never had, give her a thrill, women shut up and listen to what your man feel from time to time, and don’t judge him for feeling what he does, be mature about it and imagine for a moment he human… then women would enjoy sex more and men would communicate better, have more confidence to open up and show he is not made out of rock.  
          Stereotyping emotions for women, sex for men is not good.
          But I see no problem with how you reason, in your first message I was worried but as you wrote more I kinda like you, the way you reason.
          That’s just my opinion though, I’m not the couch here, just contributing to the topic on “why men go single” and picked up some interesting topics along the way.

      3. 7.2.3

        It appears that you know yourself pretty well and are comfortable with the choices you make..and that’s just fine. But please don’t come near women like me or try to manipulate us into your bed with empty promises. Thats all I ask. Its just fine with me that you stay to yourself. Really.

        1. lisalin

          Precisely! If only all of these men who really don’t want a relationship would have the decency leave us alone altogether, it would save everyone so much trouble.

        2. starthrower68

          I agree 1000% with you. I just don’t see it happening. Hormones seem to cancel out rational thought processes.

        3. Get out?

          Please start being a smarter women 🙁 pleassssse

    3. 7.3

      Trust me, when we get there…We want to wave the white flag of surrender. We are easy to find, but often weeded out due to unrealistic expectations. Or women would date men, who are of any shape and size. The same could be said about men, very very easily said about men haha.

    4. 7.4

      @ SS:

      You are quite correct. And I need help in finding the women who are looking for a good relationship, and have reasonable expectations.

      I’ll trade you information: you tell me where to find her, and I’ll tell you where to find him. Deal?

    5. 7.5

      your right and I since ending up divorced have some how ended up around a lot of men platonically and listening to them realize they also get hurt and care deeply and are affectionate and heart broken by the down ward spiral that society has taken in relationships….I am not a feminist I wouldn’t take shit or be belittled by a man but I don’t think the feminist movement has done anything for woman other than bridge a huge gap by a bunch of for the most part radical lesbians or straight men haters who think all woman should cut their hair like boys after 40….no thanks and keep your suit jackets to being feminine is how we are made to be enjoyed…..I can earn a living and still have nothing to prove I like dancing in the rain and acting like a kid to who really cares….what makes a woman beautiful is her ability to love not demand and hate and perpetuate problems

      1. 7.5.1

        Hahaha!   I laugh at the perception of feminism that some people have.   I am a feminist. I don’t know what to call it if I am for men, also, but I am that, too. I haven’t figured out the radical lesbian thing, b.c. I sure am not a lesbian or a man hater.   I adore men and have hair down to my waist.

        1. RustyLH

          Women that talk about patriarchy, as if it is real…talk about women being oppressed in this day and age…and do the #MeToo thing…do not love men.   If they think they do, they are in denial.

          I do not know if that description fits you, but for most men, those are huge red flags.

          Most feminists you see in videos from protests, etc…they fit that description.   They have hijacked feminism.   If you say you are a feminist, you are saying you are like them, since that is now the face of feminism.

          These are the types that protest when men’s rights groups try to have a guest speaker…who ironically was there to discuss the epidemic of male suicides.
          Egalitarian is what you are, if you are equally for men and women.   Most women are not.

    6. 7.6

      Is this an attempt at self hypnosis? Got to give it to you ….your attempts at trying to maintain the meta-frame are quite clever, but it’s easy to see through! The Matrix is broken….

    7. 7.7
      K E

      ” coming back to an empty house “….my idea of paradise…no nagging , complaints & stress !!

  8. 8
    Lisa M.

    Well, I’m an attractive 36 year-old woman who has never been in a committed relationship.  On rare occasions that I do reveal this fact about myself, people appear to be stunned. They can’t believe a woman as attractive as me has never been in relationship.   I have never really felt that I needed a man/relationship to make me happy or define who I am. I have other things to fill up my life and I know how to satisfy my own sexual needs.   I have no problem attracting male attention  (Although, I don’t think being really good-looking has a whole  lot to with whether  a woman  can find love because I know plenty of women who are way less attractive than myself who are married and/or in committed relationships).
      I have never understood why when I mention that I am unattached I get looks of pity.   I have yet to see men get this same reaction when they reveal the same thing. It’s ridiculous.   It irritates me the way many women act, as if, they have won the state’s lottery when they become some man’s wife.   It is as though they have accomplished something that was so difficult to achieve (like actually winning the state’s lottery).  
    In my observation over the years, it  appears that most of the women I  knew are not content in their relationships and  it  may  be, as you mentioned; most  women have  unreal  expectations for their romantic relationships with men. I may have these very same unrealistic expectations, which could be responsible for why I have never taken the plunge.   I guess I would rather go it alone than be disappointed.

    1. 8.1

      Lisa, I LOVE what you said and the way you said it. did you have alot of brothers or raised by a single father? You seem to have unique insite into how a man thinks, you seem to think that way yourself. LOL!!! When one of the “boys” winds up engaged or married we look at HIM with Pitty LOL!!! hey girl I just wanted you to know that whats good for the goose is good for the gander   share some love and support and tell you ; Go on with your bad self, I’m behind you bro… I mean girl, UH sis? LOL!

    2. 8.2

      Lisa M. you are the epitome of what a mature and responsible modern woman should be. Find a man for what you want realistically and not rush to bee with someone for the sake of the company the relationship provides. Commit for yourself and work at it when you want it, no need to rush, I agree!

    3. 8.3

      Lisa M,
      It is very mature of you to realize that you may in fact also have unrealistically high standards which may have prevented you from wanting to take the plunge.   The hard part is realizing it.

    4. 8.4

      As a man who choose to stay single, I can assure you we get a lot of flac from women about our choices, we get accused for using and mistreating women, wanting own women (Only God knows the logic of that one), we get told how we have to find the right one, women who want to set me up with their friends because they assume i am single because i cannot find a woman myself….crap like that is all the time even for a man.
      But I don’t care really I just live my life the way I choice and some times I just hit back with a few witty statements and move on.   When some women spot a man who choose to be single they get worse than Jehovah’s Witnesses trying to preach to me how to live my life and what should and shouldn’t make me happy. I just ignore it and next time avoid them.

    5. 8.5

      well for some it is hard to achieve. If I find a woman that actually likes me for me? Hell ya i’ll celebrate lottery style. I’ve found someone that didnt think of me as some freak.

    6. 8.6

      I’m in the same boat, Lisa, but I’m a man. I mean…not quite the same boat, as I make a decent living but not a great living, so I’m probably not quite as attractive as you to the opposite sex…but I’ve never had a problem attracting women and a lot of people who don’t me think it’s almost suspicious that I’m happily single (probably not with quite the same rigor as you, being female). I hope to remain single for all my days. I say hope because the love drug has a way of twisting up the wisest, strongest person’s brain, but I work actively and energetically to keep it at bay. It exists to trick us into procreation. It’s not there for our benefit.  

      And I was married to someone I cared for very deeply. She was my best friend. But for some reason, the marriage just didn’t work. It hurt like hell and it’s not worth it.  

      Anyway, good luck, and stay strong! I can only speak for myself…but I don’t think you’re missing a damn thing.  

    7. 8.7
      Aurora Michelina

      Lisa M,

      What would be unrealistic vs realistic? Do some women want more in a relationship than they are willing to offer themselves, or do some women realize they have a lot to offer,   but don’t want to feel taken for granted?

      I feel you on what you mean that some women make as if they win the lottery. It seems that many have the “pick me” mentality, but I do believe that some have lucked out with some good men. There are points in even the best of relationships where it takes work to keep love and respect alive, but it’s not worth the hassle if that effort is one sided.

  9. 9

    Their needs are met by their male friendships and their careers and the last thing they want to do is hold your purse when shopping at Nordstrom.
    Love that line.   LOL!

  10. 10

    I think we also need to realize that since we are all shaped by society, that’s obviously going to color women’s and men’s focus. Like Lisa above said, unattached women tend to be treated like outcasts more often than men, and that def contributes to the relationship desire.

    1. 10.1

      you see that’s part of the main difference between men and women – men as a rule DON’T CARE whether society approves or not !

      Many women validate their choice of boyfriend by running them past their girlfriends to see what they think. Men would never do that, if we like her then we DON’T CARE what our friends think 🙂

      1. 10.1.1

        Luke, you nailed it. Women can’t just be happy that that a guy is good to them, and has captured her attention. She has to run your resume past the committee to see if you are approved. If you aren’t, she may or may not ditch you. if she doesn’t ditch you, it is because she sees hope for you…in other words, she thinks you can win the approval of her friends and family and she will try to make you into the man that you “need’ to be. No thanks. I love being a man in that I don’t need anybody’s approval. I don’t expect my new mate to win the approval of friends and family, I expect them to win her approval. But, even then that’s not a must have. I simply don’t care. If I like her, that’s all I need. And if she doesn’t like my family or friends, so what? I don’t care. I’m not a woman, and never will be.

        @Sayanta and Lisa M. You have it wrong. Men to get the pity treatment, and so many people think you just couldn’t possibly be happy. Or, there must be something wrong with you if you don’t have a woman in your life. Many women are always trying to introduce you to single women they know…women who tend to be very unattractive for a variety of reasons. Fat or ugly tops the list. Stop…seriously…ladies…do us a favor. Stop trying to set us up. Your taste in women stinks. Instead, buy your friend a gym membership. Then there are the women with kids. No thanks. Then the woman who is a ball buster, and the first thing out of her mouth is to assess your job and where you went to school. Yes t is a resume she is seeking. Wants to make sure you are worthy. Worthy? Get out of here. Worthy….pfft. You aren’t worthy. I’ll take a foreign woman who finds a man worthy even if he’s average.

        So here is the difference. We men really don’t care if we are pitied, though we would appreciate it if you would stop trying to hook us up with that woman who can’t find a man. There is a reason she can’t find a man. We don’t want her…so as you can see, trying to pawn her off on us isn’t seen as a nice thing.

        1. lisalin

          RustyLH – THANK YOU so much for removing yourself from the already pitiful dating pool.
          Women do not have poor taste in women. We are only submitting those candidates we perceive as perhaps being in your league, the ones who may be willing to put up with you. Perhaps you should check the mirror as well as your ego.
          You have relationships that end with a restraining order? Also very revealing. Again, on behalf of American women, thank you so much for leaving us alone.

        2. Geni

          Oh wow, how gerat that you live in America yet won’t be with an American woman.
          Myself I can be an aggressive American woman yet I also know I’m worth it !
          A woman form another country many times is more sedate to say nothing of more intelligent (bi lingual) and possibly more educated or cultured.   There is also the opposite with any woman !   To me I would take the good with the bad to have a good relationship, period.
          If the girl isn’t worth it then just find a new girl who makes you feel alive regardless of her nationality.

        3. Marius

          I’m not an American, but every time I read a comment from a American woman (Mostly) I understand perfectly why so many American guys gave up hope and stop bothering, the arrogance and stupidity is amazing. Is it a subject for women at school there?

          Like you only need to read RustyLH’s posts once to clearly know he insinuated nothing of that you accuse him for being. You just read what you want to read.   I cannot think of a man who can say a woman like you would mean anything positive for him.   I think its just safe to assume that there is no need to be angry but just accept that relationships is not the way of the future for men and women.   Some people are still willing to take a shot at it, but more men and women realize its not with the effort…and this is all RustyLH really suggested and I, and clearly other guys agrees.
          If he was so wrong then no other guys would have agreed with him, however I think he will get millions of men right now saying the same thing not only in America, this social trend moved globally, some countries are just slower to get infected than others.   But it cannot be stopped, because it is not a problem, its a result.

        4. Ken


          Now, there really should be no putting men into your league.. so what if he doesnt fit what your friends think, so what if he’s not the ideal candidate? ISnt being a good person enough sometimes. I get there is physical attraction wanted.. but its not needed. So what if he’s a penniless farmer? makes no where near the rich man does? Why can’t we see a man for his character? His drive?   And most importantly seeing a man for how he treats you? putting anyone into a league? I had no idea love had a grading system… if you love the person..love them.. dont put up with them.. that’s not love thats work..

        5. lisalin

          Ken – Whoa! You totally read into what I wrote. I followed “league” with “the one’s who would put up with you” – in response to a post spewing disrespect for every American woman. I am the last person concerned with wealth, or the waste thereof on stupid cars. Or even on looks. That is precisely why I do not like only being of “value” if I look the right way or make enough money myself.

      2. 10.1.2

        lisalin – THANK YOU for the awesome laugh I got from your post. Laughed so hard my side hurt. Have to love it when you really get somebody so riled up they start speaking as if they know something about you. Have I had a restraining order? No. Do I know plenty of men who did and didn’t deserve them? Yes. Do I go without dates? No. Do I have to rely on women setting me up with their friends? Thankfully not. Do women approach me? Yes. Do I find any of them worth marrying? No.

        Am I glad you would not fate me? Oh God, you have no idea how thankful I am. Thank God for small favors.

        1. lisalin

          “Have to love it when you really get somebody so riled up they start speaking as if they know something about you.” And just how do you classify publicly declaring all American women as being unworthy of your undying devotion – as if you know them all. But of course you should kindly spare these unworthy beings any dates with you as they will never measure up to your lofty standards.
          BTW, the forum is about why men are more comfortable with being single, which you hit in your first post about being able to take care of yourself and work, which we do as well, thank you. It is not however “please rant about your personal feelings towards all men/women of a particular nationality. “

        2. RustyLH

          “But of course you should kindly spare these unworthy beings any dates with you as they will never measure up to your lofty standards.”

          Who knows…there might actually be ONE women left in America that is worth marrying. I doubt it though.

        3. Julia

          I know Rusty, we’re all awful scum, I know I know. Strangely, I would never accept a date from any man who thinks so poorly of women. Sounds like your attitude is a self fulfilling prophecy.

        4. Joshua

          American men like you are one of the most pathetic things I have ever seen. So entitled, sexist and “machista” (as we say here in my country). You guys are a joke, but unfortunately a joke I can’t laugh at. I can’t laugh at you guys because you guys hurt people’s dignity. You guys condone prejudice and are prejudiced yourselves. You guys approve abusing of the poor and less educated from poorer countries and believe these people (in this case, women) should venerate you. You guys want women with no standards, but will have the highest ones. I am sick of you guys going around all ver the internet spreading this uncivilized garbage, and you guys are from a supposed 1st World Country!

        5. Nick

          I think everyone here is just getting too riled up. I know Rusty doesn’t dislike “all” American women. @lisalin @Julia He is just expressing his experience with women and some statistics that he has seen. And I really think that if a woman wouldn’t date him because of his posts it is because she is taking it personal. I am pretty sure Rusty’s post isn’t personal. He is just stating his experiences and statistics. I highly doubt he personally said that any of the women here are like that. I am sure if he met a woman he felt like being with, or if any guy met a girl he felt like being with (like me), he would be with her. He is just expressing the fear many men have and the reason many men are more happy being single.

        6. Marius

          Julia: Although you are right, you should not date a man who have a poor view of women, so do I also not date women who have a poor view of men, ok that just eliminated most women of from my list. but just to add, by giving men reason to have a poor view about women is not helping your argument.

        7. Julia


          “so do I also not date women who have a poor view of men, ok that just eliminated most women of from my list.”

          You are the common denominator in all your success and failure. Your self fulfilling prophecy that all women hate men makes you a bitter and angry person and women won’t like you. I happen to like people. I like men and women, I find that I can be at ease with most company. I have never had difficulty finding men who like women. In fact I just spent the last 2 days out of town at a funeral for one of my very best male friends, accompanying me were my wonderful boyfriend and my younger brother. All three of these men, my late friend, my boyfriend and brother appreciate and enjoy the company of women. Its really much easier when we approach everyone with kindness, playfulness, humor and compassion but when you approach people with bitterness, anger or skepticism they will sense that immediately.

        8. JennLee

          Nick, you have a bit of a point.   Rusty is no different than a man I knew whose first name was Jeff.   He was a Navy man who had spent time in Japan.   Stationed there for several years.   When he came back, the only women he would date were Asian women.     He swore he would never date a white woman, and certainly never marry one.   Amusingly, that is exactly what he did.   He just needed to meet the right one.   She was what he was looking for.   he wanted what any man wants.   A woman who makes him her king.   Isn’t that what we want?   A man who will make us his queen?   I’ve seen this before.   Many military men who have been stationed in Korea, Japan or the Philippines came back and were addicted to Asian women.   I think that if you humble yourselves, you can actually learn something from Asian women.   You say  we are subservient.   I say you watch too many movies.   It’s not subservient, but there is a difference in the way they act, and men like it.

        9. Marius

          I’m not sure how you turn my preference to stay single into a “self fulfilling prophecy”? how about it just works better for me? I don’t know how you turn the fact that I prefer being single and feel happier that way than in a relationship into “bitterness”..you see bitterness in me, which I don’t even experience of feel myself. I don’t know how the way YOU relate to people invalidate my experiences with women? I just don’t know how you get to the points you make.
          However you are right about its best to approach people with friendliness and kindness. I do it and therefore I have many male and female friends. But it does not change the fact that I don’t see any value in relationships with women, there is literally nothing in my experience with women where I can say relationships have any benefit or value for me other than sex. its not because a man only look for sex, it is because that is the only thing left for a guy to value in relationships after all the nothing women bring to the table is added.   I also don’t think men are to blame for the fact that that’s is about all modern women have to contribute, sure there are some awesome women that have plenty to offer but they are to few for me to call it the norm. For anything else in a relationship if I add up what women can offer me that I can value it adds to a negative. I must take her out, entertain her, care about her feelings, always be there when she needs me, listen to how shitty men are, spend my money on her, give her special treatment while she wants to be seen as an equal. express my feeling to her only if it is the things she wants to hear and the list go on…., after much time spent, money spent, nothing to feel good about as a man, a one must realize there is nothing to value in relationships other than sex, and even that is not worth the hassle for me anymore.
          I have my friends who I have much in common with, that is a benefit unlike with women I don’t have much interests in common with. With friends I can express myself whether it is what women like to hear or not, that’s a benefit they accept me for who I am and not for who I must be like. With friends they pay their own way and make efforts to help the friendship and don’t just sit back and wait for me to make the relationship work, that’s another benefit, with friends I can live how I please without always having to explain myself…being single leave me with much more benefits than relationships and that to me is positive and not “bitterness”.
          The bitterness lies in the reality of what I experience when attempting to be in a relationship with a modern women who really have not much to contribute that I can say I need. Its not my fault women have nothing to contribute anymore other than their own high expectations, demands and double standards.
          I don’t feel guilty about objectifying women as sex objects since women see it their right to objectify men as romance objects, as financial objects, as security objects.
          This is my honest opinion and if you value the opinion of a guy who would tell you what you want to hear just to get laid more, then that’s okay with me. It does not change my mind in anyway.
          Just as men are politically forced to respect the independence of women, so I expect women to respect my independence as well. The pure fact that women would criticize men, call them “bitter”, “only looking for one thing”, immature”f or being single and independent is just proof of the double standards and hypocritical mind set most women have which I don’t quite respect and value women for either.
          It’s not just me, I have only one friend who is over thirty and got married, the other 7 is single and have no intention to tie the knot soon and only one of the 7 would from time to time go on a date and in years only had nothing to show for all the time and money wasted. Its just a fact of our modern gender roles and social environment, there is no use in denying it. That’s just how it is nowadays.

      3. 10.1.3

        @Luke – That’s not what she meant.   What she is saying is that we are not supported if we decided to not be in a relationship.   It’s not a pissing contest to see who lands the better boyfriend (though you could argue that both men and women do the same thing but for different attributes, wealth vs looks respectively,   buts that’s for the immature crowd).   And actually, men do care what others think.   They care what their friends think, (hence the competition/pissing contest) and they care what their families think. To say men have this innate ability to not care is totally false.
        @Rusty – She didn’t say anything about a resume and having to run past her friends at all. What she is saying is that we are all shaped by our families, community and society as a whole.   It influences who we are attracted to, who we see as “high value”, our preferences on looks ect.   Both men and women do this but for different qualities.   For example, there are men who will never consider dating a large woman, just like there are women who will not consider dating a short man.   There are men who cannot marry outside of their religion and women who cannot marry outside of their caste (in other cultures).  
        And finally, while you may not run your girlfriend through your “committee” there’s something to be said if you introduce her to your friends who have known you much longer than her and they ALL don’t like her.   So while you don’t have to take their opinion it doesn’t mean it’s not valid.

        1. RustyLH

          “And actually, men do care what others think. They care what their friends think, (hence the competition/pissing contest) and they care what their families think. To say men have this innate ability to not care is totally false.”

          We will have to agree to disagree. Men care far less what others think than you know. But I’m a man, what do I know? I do know that I don’t care what others think.

          If his friends and family don’t like her, he may not like that fact, but in most cases it does nothing to change how he feels about her. For a woman, her friends and family not liking a guy will kill any chance for a relationship more often than not.

          But there is also the issue on how the two will be judged. If he is a college grad and has a Ph.D, but she has bachelor’s degree but she’s not really driven to succeed, it’s likely not going to have a huge impact on how family and friends view her. If she’s a kind person, treats people with respect, and is helpful, most family and friends will probably like her.

          If the woman is the one with the Ph.D and is driven, but the man she meets and falls in love with has a bachelor’s degree, but is not very driven to succeed, it is very likely that her family and friends will not like him. It won’t matter how nice he is, how pure his heart is, how helpful he is, etc…

          It simply is not the same. But most of the men I know really don’t care if anyone likes the woman they are with. We date and marry women to please ourselves, not to please other people. There is a big difference between men and women in this regard.

        2. SparklingEmerald

          RustyLH @ … (just below) 10
          Just some food for thought Rusty.   Inter racial marriage, specifically between blacks and whites is not a big deal any more accept perhaps among the very most senior citizens, but back when it was EXTREMELY stigmatized, and in many states ILLEGAL, why do you think white women coupled up with black men was more common that white men coupled up with black women ?   If women are the only gender that cares what other people think, why do you think more white women than white men were willing to risk being disowned by their families, scorned by society in general, and having to perhaps travel out of state to make their union legal ?   Seriously, if women are all about what other people think as you suggest, how is it that ANY black and white marriages happened with the wife being white ?   Ironically, I think the supreme court case that finally made all so called laws against inter racial marriage illegal was a white man married to a black woman, but black husband/white wife marriages are far more common than the other way around.   Thankfully, that attitude is pretty antiquated now, but in my younger days, I saw far more black boyfriend/white girlfriend combos, than the other way around, and it was very rare that these unions were accepted by the girl’s family.  
          Perhaps some of this can be explained by attraction (maybe black men are more attractive to white men, but black women aren’t as attractive to white men) but I don’t think the big disparity can be COMPLETELY explained by that.  
          So Rusty, just as food for thought, why do you think so many women were willing to be disowned by families and scorned by society by marrying outside of their race if women are as shallow as you seem to think ?

  11. 11

    There continues to be less societal pressure on men to be married. Women still have the “old maid spinster” labels hanging over them.

    Women still make less money than men, so there’s a financial imperative.

    Women are more interested in having kids, and have to worry about their biological clocks. Since they tend to make less money and are usually entrusted with the primary care of children, they need someone who can be a good provider.

    Women are more affected by aging in the dating market than are men. The average 42 year old man has more dating options than does a 42 year old woman – he can date a 22 year old or a 52 year old. He may not actually want to go that young, but he has the option to do so. A woman dating that much younger is called a cougar, a bit derisively. There’s no comparable label for men.

    In general, men prefer women who are slender/fit (not overwieght), pretty, and youthful.  I do think that more and more men care about a woman’s education and/or income level than in the past.     

    Men can date casually and not get attached – much harder for women to do that.

    Given all of the above, it’s not surprising that most of the dating books and websites out there are geared towards women. There’s just more pressure on them. On the downside for men, it’s not so great that they don’t form attachments as easily as women, and men still don’t live as long as women do.

    1. 11.1

      The longevity gap between men and women is disappearing. Most of that was due to may factors that are disappearing. Men often held jobs working with unsafe materials and chemicals. Working conditions are safer, though still not perfect. Men still tend to work in jobs that reduce their life. Men also feel more stress, more pressure to succeed financially. Be the bread winner. That stress reduces their lifespan.

      But all of these things are disappearing and men are living longer than ever before, and the truth is, they might end up living longer at some point.

    2. 11.2

      Not even close. That’s why women don’t have to pay for sex. Once I put an ad up on craigslist as an experiment, saying I was looking for a guy to hang out with, nothing implied sex. I got 250+ responses in two days. Guys mostly get responses from bots. Now, as a pro-Domme, I get paid 250/hr to put a dildo in a guy’s butt. Male Dommes basically work for free unless they are doing a workshop. This macho “I don’t need a woman,” “women have fewer options,” and “women have to be thin and young to get laid” is UTTER nonsense. Complete fabricated MRA nonsense. Nice try though.

      1. 11.2.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        Of course, I never said any of those things, nor am I an MRA. Who exactly are you responding to, Jen?

      2. 11.2.2

        Of course men pay for sex more often than women do by a wide margin. It only makes sense considering that most porn and nude magazines are also aimed at men. I think it is pretty common knowledge that many men are more than OK with meaningless sex. I was raised a pretty strict Christian, and even though I didn’t always walk that walk, I never felt the urge to be with a prostitute and have no weird fetiches like DOMME stuff. But that does not invalidate your facts. They are correct. But this is just sex. The goal is a relationship. I don’t think it is helpful for women to regularly brag that they don’t need men. I can just as easily make the same statement for men. But where does that get anybody on a sight dedicated to helping people find a mate? Evan doesn’t want me bringing up my options, so I would think he would also address other things that are not helpful. I guess I would say, “If you don’t need a man, why are you here?” If the response is, “I don’t need one but I would like to find a good one.” I will say congratulations, because that is probably the same thing every man here would say…I don’t need one, but I would like to find a good one.”

        I can only say that it isn’t going to be easy to find what you want in a man when the attitude is, “This is what I want…you there…man…become what I want.” Odds of that happening? Pretty much zero. You admit in your post that men are getting one of their primary relationship desires without a relationship. And for every man using a prostitute, there are hundreds getting free sex outside of a relationship.

        I agree that men also have to change if his actions are thoughtless and selfish. I think the idea is for both sides to act less selfish.

        But it also helps for women to think of this. Can you learn something even when it scares you or you think it’s not what you want? Watch this video. I posted it once before.


        If you knew a man who came to you and he complained that he can’t find a woman, that the women he meets aren’t what he wants in a woman. Would you tell him he is right and that all of those women need to change? Or would you tell him that he needs to figure out what those women want. The women that he wants…what do they want? Would you tell him to find that out and then decide if he can change to become what they want? Especially if they don’t need to change, and have other options…men out there someplace else that are what they want? would your advice be that those women need to change, or would you tell the man to change to be what those women want?

        I will assume that the women here are intelligent and so can see that it would be a waste of time and effort to tell him that all those women needed to change and recognize how great he is. I think the women here would realize that route would be fruitless when those women have other options. So I believe that women here realize that it would be a more productive route to tell the man to figure out what the women want and make the necessary changes.

        Well, I will then also assume that the women here are also smart enough to realize that they are here because that situation above is actually reversed. For some reason, the men that they want…the men they want…are rejecting them. Where are many of these men going? They are looking in other places where they are finding women that match what they want.

        It is also helpful to remember that when a man says traditional, you don’t need to freak out because he’s not advocating taking away your vote, take away your job, or take away your independence, or try o be your boss. What he is really looking for is a woman that acts feminine. That does not require you to give up the vote, career, independence or anything else.

        Why is this so important? Well let’s see…what if the majority of college educated, men with decent jobs and decent looks all started acting effeminate? Would you feel turned on by these guys? If you can see that you would not feel a romantic connection with a man who seems overly soft, delicate, feminine…why is it so hard to understand that a man would not feel a romantic connection to a woman who is tough, aggressive and masculine?

      3. 11.2.3

        Women are the gatekeepers to sex and men are the gatekeepers to commitment.   As you pointed out, any woman can get men who email them on Craigslist for sex.   That’s not special in any respect.   What’s less common is a woman to demonstrate her value sufficient to win the man’s long term commitment.   Judging by statistics, by that measure, today’s women are falling short.

        1. Aurora Michelina

          Ha!!!! I’ve always been the gatekeeper to commitment!! Ha!!

  12. 12

    @Sam P #4
    Women earn their own money now, they don’t necessarily have financial incentives to get married.     At least not all of them.     There are all of those articles about women who out earn men, how more women and fewer men go to college and how more men are getting laid off.

    1. 12.1
      Mary Bird

      This is very real, and the reason more men actually remarry is because they also struggle to do all the household things that women have continued while rejoining the workforce and soaring passed men with income. Men in general still earn more, but women in general can hold down the house, the kids, the job, and still get booty!

  13. 13

    Well, some people would say it comes down to maturity. The idea goes that women mature quicker than men. I read an article not too long ago that indicated how some younger men are not maturing as quickly as previous generations due to their video game hobby. It’s keeping them in adolescence much longer.
    For the record, my former husband never held my purse while I shopped! [LOL] Seriously?!

  14. 14

    Women expect their relationships to be transcendent. They expect the man to illuminate and inspire. You remember “Eat, Pray, Love,” right? “You don’t need a man. You need a champion.”
    I’ve gotten that feeling a lot.     That women are looking for more than a partner.   They are looking for a magician, a white night and a fantasy.     Talk about performance pressure!     I find this attitude to be a real turn off.
    I see it as the other side of the coin about the complaints of many women about American men being narcissistic.     Narcissism   is about more than being self-centered.     My non-expert understanding is that it is also about unrealistic expectations…..especially the perfectionistic expectations of a child who hasn’t learned at a gut level that they are not the only person in the world.       In other words the “narcissism epidemic” which includes both men and women is about people who never finished growing up emotionally.     We (Americans of a certain generation ) are what becomes of the spoiled children.
    Sucks if you are single, sucks if you are dating coach trying to diplomatically get people to be realistic.

    1. 14.1

      The government of China has a group that publishes advisory on relationships.   They recently addressed the subject of “leftover women”, Chinese women who are aging but single.   They said “don’t be too picky; the perfect man is out there….but why would he want to marry you?”.   I thought it remarkably direct for the government to speak such truth.

      1. 14.1.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        Yes, the Chinese government is known for both its relationship wisdom and truth-telling. You should probably quit while you’re ahead, Mike.

        1. Michelle

          Chinese lie! Omg why would you support such a sexist sick system??! Most women are left over at 30 in China! My god, that’s young to destroy young female’s lives. Females in China have no chance to become anything yet they’re dumped at 30? Nice.

      2. 14.1.2

        Is this a smokescreen for the one child policy that’s led to there   not being enough women because of sex selective abortion and female infanticide? There are too many MEN in China, leading to the kidnapping and selling of women. Is the group advising on that?
        Single women is not China’s problem!  

      3. 14.1.3

        In China there’s a surplus of 30s to 50s men and a shortage of women of comparable age due to their one child rule, which resulted in sex selected abortions and abandoning of female babies. I think it’s the women who get to be picky there.

        But good story, Mike.

      4. 14.1.4
        Karmic Equation

        That’s called “spin”, Mike. Yours and the Chinese government.

        You reap what you sow.

        Now that chinese men “need” women, they’re trying to make women feel inferior and/or desperate enough to accept unsuitable men.

        The laws of supply and demand say that women are the buyers in the Chinese market and can afford to be as picky as they want to.

        It’s interesting how American women can see how culture and government try to influence women, when we’re talking about another country than the USA. However, say that our culture and government try to influence women’s sexuality in the USA and both men and women don’t buy it.

        It’s the same thing, ladies. The only difference  is that the US culture/government are more slick about it.

  15. 15

    Steve #12

    Women with associate degrees still earn about $10,000 less than men with no college degree. Another study i read said that it would take  40 years for the number of female corporate officers to match the number of male CEOs in Fortune 500 companies.

    1. 15.1

      Ruby, you need to stop looking at Feminist skewed data. You can make the data say anything you want it to say, but the reality is different. You see, in those numbers for men that didn’t go to college are men who went to a different form of 4 year school. Trade apprenticeships where they were all day and then one or two days a week they go to school at night and learn more technical details of these trades…trades like Electricians, HVAC, Plumber, Carpenter. For instance, a man I men on a job when I was a carpenter several years ago let me in on details of his life. He makes an average of 156,000 a year. He is the superintendent of major construction jobs. Never set foot in a college, but he was the man in charge of building Ponte Vedra high school, where I met him, and many other jobs like it. Make no mistake, this man is as professional as any man with a Masters or PhD, and just as knowledgeable at his profession, and trust me, while he would be lost in an operating room, a doctor would be just as lost on a construction site.

      This is Ponte Vedra High School

      Also, he is almost never home. He is often away from home for months, often out of state. That money he makes is earned because of what he produces and the arduous nature of the job, such as being away from home for months at a time.

      Now, even women earning a Bachelor’s degree in something like social worker should know before they go into it that it does not pay well. But this is for both men and women. Just the same as that Superintendent, if a woman will make the same, and yes, more and more women are moving into those roles. I met more than one woman who was the superintendent of a construction site. Often they have an advantage I think, because all of them were above average looking women…well above average. My theory is that they became good at that job because the supers they worked for had them working in the office close to him. Hey, if you have a choice of the pretty girl or some grubby guy working beside you, you choose the pretty girl. But regardless of how they got the job, they were just as good as the men it seemed.

      The point is, the wage gap is a lie. It’s the jobs you do that determine what you make, and a degree does not always mean more money, nor should it. Working in an air conditioned office is far easier than working out in the elements, or working dangerous jobs.

      I heard a discussion about how things might be handled in the even that laws come down forcing equal pay. It involved IT personnel. OK, in this company, they have several branches of IT workers. For the most part, they guys make money based on the job they do, but there is some seniority and some guys are recognized as the more knowledgeable, and they make more even though they have the same job title. Now, the guys don’t complain if the other guy is making more and is also understood to the unofficial lead tech. But suppose a woman comes in with the same certs and degree, but is newer and less knowledgeable, or came off extended baby leave, as in a couple of years to get baby past the critical years. The law would say she must be paid the same as the guy making things happen. So to fix that, they will simply create new job titles. Not to cheat the woman, but to make sure that the man who is deservedly earning more than her AND the other men, will be fairly compensated regardless of the law.

      1. 15.1.1

        Wage gap is no lie. Women in physical therapy go to the same amount to school and the men are paid more than I am, always. I have a girlfriend whom is still in the business and reports that the men in her office are paid more as well. The same job, same education. Men do the hiring and paying – The story you quote above is a red herring or a logical fallicy argument. Ruby’s claim stands true.

        1. Good Guy

          Why not ask for a raise? That’s what the men do. You think their boss says “You’re a man so I’m going to pay you more from the goodness of my heart?” Of course not – he or she will pay as little as will keep you happy.

    2. 15.2

      To that I say women need to stand up for themselves more. I don’t know why women expect everyone else to stand up for them. If that is an issue take some personal accountability. If they are not getting paid equal to their male counterparts then maybe they need to find a company that values men and women equally. A guy can be underpaid compared to other males too. Why? Because obviously he is not putting forth the effort to get the better pay. And please don’t say, “they do put forth the effort, but they still don’t get paid as much.” That is like saying, “I am trying to push a rock hard, but it just won’t move for me.” Well, then you aren’t pushing hard enough. It’s not like anyone is arm wrestling women to take the pay they are offered. In my experience, though, that idea is not true. At least not in the jobs I have had. It all comes down to how hard you try and demand it.

  16. 16
    Kate Candy

    Evan!!!! This is extraordinarily insightful and should be read and understood by women everywhere who are suffering from Where-is-my-prince? disease.   Although guys might dream of a princess, they get on with their lives.   They run, watch football, hang with friends, walk the dog and wait for someone who they think is worth committing to.   They are far more patient.   And, although there are men who are dying to get married, there are far more brides magazines than groom magazines.   

    Also, guys are not as crazy about getting laid as conventional wisdom will have us believe.   Men love the physical rewards of sex, but sometimes making love to a woman is a lot of work and they’d rather skip it for the alternatives.   Sex for many women is about validation, a self-esteem boost, and for men, not so much.   Sex for men is not elevated to lofty heights.   I know there are some women who talk about how much they like to hit the mattress, but I challenge these women to say that getting drilled by a guy who doesn’t care how many times your head hits the headboard is fun, whereas for the guy, no foreplay boffing? Yeah, it’s fine.

    So, this brings me back to other superb EMK posts.   Men should say NO to sex until they feel comfortable having intimate conversations with their partner; women should too.   Women should stop trying to date guys who are not trying to date them (this is priceless advice).   And women should understand that guys were not invented to help you pay your bills or impress your friends.   As a friend of mine said, “Men are people, treat them accordingly.” That is, lower the expectations, be kind and polite and remember, they’re probably not looking for a parent.

  17. 17

    I think after I turned 55 I finally felt comfortable with my place, its location, my routine, my stability. When I was young, change and risk was exciting. Now, I wonder what all the fuss is about. As Evan said, it is possible to supplement my life with female companionship without giving up what I have.

    The other thing is this. I came to the conclusion after thinking long and hard over my failed marriage that it is pointless to try to convince a woman she wants me as I am if she doesn’t. Really, either she does or she doesn’t. If I convince her, as I did constantly in my marriage, then the first (or next) time there are serious problems a woman will look at you and say in some form, “OK, this was really your idea — why should I stay, why are your worth it?” [paraphrase.] It is a losing proposition. So, any time a women wants to know “why?” insistently about the way I am, what I do, what I think — red flags fly. What she is really saying is, “make your case. you should convince me.” And, that is a losing proposition for anyone, man or woman.

    Commitment can’t include a hidden provision for changing who you are (re men) or that you will never change (women). Yes, men think the woman they are committing to will not change from the appealing image presented to us. And, that’s because we won’t ordinarily.

    1. 17.1

      Omg… I don’t mean to disrespect you in anyway, but you are delusional. Every man changes from trying very hard to constantly win over their female in the beginning to ignoring, not giving any attention to her in any way because he’s “already got her.” Then men get either too lazy, complacent or entitled not to romance their female anymore. Most men don’t know what romance means or believe it’s necessary. All it means is to chase them like you did in the beginning because that’s what women want – it’s hard work for men and they don’t want to do it. It’s so simple. Men can see women’s side so they see no purpose for themselves to do this but in the end, it ends up destroying the relationship. Women want to be priorities not just their jobs and hobbies. If men are to take on a female and ask why she’s not trying to change me and she’s trying to understand him. Men need to take care to try and understand things about the female’s perspective as well. No being lazy.

      1. 17.1.1


        I’ve just finished reading several of your posts. You are very one sided, which makes it impossible to take you seriously. You rant about men changing for the worse once they get the girl, but refuse to acknowledge that women do the same thing. I’ve been at weddings where friends or friends of friends were getting married and this was made into a joke, usually something about no more oral sex for the guy, or no more watching her weight, because now she had the guy.

        Many guys I know make similar complaints about women. They will say that when they first start dating women, it’s great because they make a big effort to impress him. They are affectionate, pay attention to what he says, take great care in their appearance, laugh at his jokes, take his side in debates, etc… But, once deep into a relationship or marriage, that all stops. Many will complain that they still make the effort to impress her but that once they had kids, she pours all of her effort into the kids, and he gets very little in return.

        You complain about the wage gap yet don’t acknowledge that recent data has shown that young women are now out earning men in most major cities. Further, you don’t acknowledge that women are now graduating college 50% more often. I’m pretty sure that if men suddenly started graduating 50% more often than men, you would be claiming that the system was sexist, and somehow unfair to women.

        I wonder how you are when with a man long term. Do you ever make him feel safe to talk about his fears, his disappointments, and things he feels are not fair to him, or men in general? Most women don’t according to what most men tell me. More than likely, you simply jump onto the feminist platform and tell him how bad women have it. This is what men tel me that most women do the minute they try to talk openly about things of this nature. Instead of being his advocate, or giving him what we always say we want, which is somebody to just listen to us, men tell me that most women instantly turn adversarial instead of supporting and nurturing. Could you feel safe and supported by a man who never ever took your side, or never listened to your fears and problems? I’m sure many men don’t, but many do. Society has conditioned us to see women as victims, but not men. So most men I’ve known tell me that I’m the first women who ever listened to them without simply taking the attitude that he just needed to man up.

        Maybe you should take a look in the mirror, an honest look. Better yet, find as many ex boyfriends and husbands as you can and ask them to write you an email, being honest about things in general that they think you do wrong in relationships. Many men won’t do that because they are conditioned that this just starts an adversarial situation, and men loathe adversarial situations with women. Just tell them that you want to improve yourself but without knowing where you need improvement, you can’t make improvements. Look especially for things that get repeated by more than one man. You can compile a list of the things that only one of them said, and send it back to all of them and ask if any see any of them as being true. If a lot of them say that #’s 1, 2, 4, 7, and 10 are true, then you have a good idea on where to try to improve.

        Your statements give the impression that you believe women, and thus you, do everything right, and that it’s the men who are at fault for everything. With an attitude like that, you have a 0% chance at a happy relationship.

        It’s good to learn to see something from the other person’s perspective. When bean counting, as many men and women may do in a relationship, it’s good to learn how the other side counts the beans. For instance, the woman may say, “In the last month, I’ve picked up two entire loads of your laundry from the floor and put them in the hamper, and all you’ve done for me is get that one big box out of the attic for me.” He might say, “In last month, for you, I strained my back moving a 90 pound box out of the attic, through a small hole, and down a steep ladder, then carried it 40 feet to where you wanted it, and then moved it another 20 feet when you changed your mind, and all you’ve done is pick up 10 pounds of my clothing and moved it several feet to the hamper.”

        Somehow, I don’t think you really know much about men on the inside. I highly doubt that you create a feeling in men that allows them to let down their guard so you can see who he really is on the inside. Men do not allow themselves to be vulnerable with just anybody. To be fair, not all men create a situation where women can be vulnerable with him. This is sad because my gut tells me that this is the root of all problems between men and women.

        Where each woman can start is to sit down and actually listen the next time her man says something isn’t fair for men. Resist the temptation to throw on the feminist armor and do battle for the cause of women. This is your man, not some politician. Nothing is going to be changed if you both argue about men and women’s rights. Nothing except a growth in the divide between you and your man that is. Do what you likely say you want form a man. When he talks, just sit there and listen, and try to see it from his perspective.

        1. Michelle

          Wow, you really are judgmental aren’t you? I’m not speaking of the normal Relationship or normal men. I’m talking about the dysfunctional men. My guess is that you’re an older woman because you don’t have these experiences. I bet you don’t even believe your husband watches porn. There have been many changes in the world, in case you haven’t been told, but I think you’ve been left behind. Many men have become much more selfish and everything is usually more about them. All you have to do is look up MRA’s MGTOW’s and PUA’s and then you’ll get an idea of how things have changed and are changing. That’s where this generation of men getting their sick ideas on the Internet.

        2. JennLee

          Judgmental? No more so than you or any other normal person. You must be very young and naive. Your sentence structures are atrocious, and you don’t seem to have any understanding outside of what you personally want. You also contradicted yourself. You say you were only talking about dysfunctional men, but you must seem to think all men are dysfunctional. For instance, these are quotes from your post.
          “Every man changes”
          “Then men get either too lazy, complacent or entitled”
          “Women want to be priorities not just their jobs and hobbies”
          “Men need to take care to try and understand things about the female’s perspective”

          Your problem is that you see things in a very one sided way. Try this.
          “Every woman changes”
          “Then women get either too lazy, complacent or entitled”
          “Men want to be priorities not just their jobs and hobbies”
          “Women need to take care to try and understand things about the male’s perspective”

          I have news for you, women change and try less hard over time also. Where in the beginning, we would die if a man we love sees us with less than perfect hair, make-up and clothes, we then feel totally comfortable to cuddle up with him on a Sunday morning with no make-up, mussed hair, and sweats.

          Are there some men who are not worth our time, men who are selfish and who don’t give back? Sure. But I direct you to your comments. Men, good men, want to be a woman’s priority, but there are a whole lot of men who no longer feel like a priority in his woman’s life. Often, women shift their priority to their kids. Your children are supposed to be a priority in your life, not the #1 priority in your life. It’s a subtle difference. It doesn’t mean to neglect or not love your kids.

          You will do much better in life if you learn to look at things from both sides. Many women, and men, do not have that ability.

  18. 18
    Lisa M.

      “unattached women tend to be treated like outcasts more often than men, and that def contributes to the relationship desire.”

    Sayanta #10, this is true.   It is, as if, you might as well just lay down and die because what else do you as woman have to live for.  And yes, it definitely contributes to why women feel so much pressure to be married and/or in a relationship.   I know two other women like myself who just don’t seem to give a  crap about being in a relationship and have never been in one (also in their 30’s) and are enjoying their lives just fine.    

    Aren’t there studies that  state that women are happiest when they’re single and men are the least happiest when they’re single. We must keep in mind that men still do  the proposing, not us.

    Ruby #11, I totally agree.  The double standards are quite tiresome.   One of my pet peeves is how men are rarely told that standards and expectations for women and relationships are unrealistic, while women are constantly browbeaten about being unrealistic in our expectations.

  19. 19
    Lisa M.

    “Commitment can’t include a hidden provision for changing who you are (re men) or that you will never change (women). ”

    Yes, I believe this too.   I have never been interested in working on a man like he’s some kind of project.   If he is just not what you’re looking for simply move on.    

    “Yes, men think the woman they are committing to will not change from the appealing image presented to us. And, that’s because we won’t ordinarily.”

    If I met the guy I wanted to commit to, I wouldn’t want him to change either based on the appealing image he presented to me but how
    realistic is that.   He is going to age, probably lose his hair and gain weight, so it would probably be in my best interest for the long haul that he possesses more than just an appealing appearance, right?

    1. 19.1

      Lisa, I love this I was thinking the same exact thing. Men do change and usually for the worse because they don’t feel they have to put any more effort once they get the girl. When women ask for attention, or request maybe taking care of their appearance, like they want us to, men get angry and say that women are complaining or crazy or whatever. Then after she asks for so long, and he doesn’t follow through, she leaves.

  20. 20
    Miss Solomon

    I think this is so true but so sad! Women have such an upper hand in dating. You get treated to dinners, events while men are vying for your attention. If you do it right, dating for a woman is amazing. Who wouldn’t want men sending you texts messages calling you trying to take you out, on trips buying you things and all it costs is a few salon services and efficient trip to Sephora. The dating game is where women can shine. There is no reason not to enjoy it. If you don’t, you’re just not doing it right

    1. 20.1

      I’m starting to believe switching them out every three years that way you can have their attention the way we like it because after about 36 months men get too lazy and bored. Maybe the answer is to switching them out and dating after a while so you can still have the attention you need as a female.

    2. 20.2
      Perfect Example

      I must say your frankness is refreshing. Your post quite perfectly sums up why many men prefer to stay single. You’re clearly all about using your looks to manipulate men into “buying you things,” and you seem to get a twisted personal satisfaction from doing so. Godspeed to the men who become entangled with you in your “game” as you smile to yourself and knowingly use them to achieve your shallow, materialistic goals. Hoping for the guys’ sake that you at least space out your victims versus playing them all simultaneously.

      1. 20.2.1
        Bladi Blah Blah

        Wait on, wait on….you’ve only got half the picture. If we were not challenging to men, we’d simply be ignored. Anything that comes cheap isn’t valued, and believe me, we have all been devalued by men. We are devalued by men every day, in this world run by men who don’t realise how good they’ve got it and how they devalue us each and every day. Sorry, mate (I’m Australian), men get what they deserve. Do you know how it feels to be objectified the way women are? No, you don’t. That’s what you’re paying for. The game you started and that you perpetuate. You cannot have it both ways.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *