Why Good Relationships Are Easy (And Bad Relationships Take Work!)

Why Good Relationships Are Easy (And Bad Relationships Take Work!)

Over the past few weeks since you saw my Pyramid of Love, I’ve read your questions, comments and emails. You’re always as honest with me as I am with you.

You’ve told me how much men have disappointed you.

You’ve told me you’re wary of taking a chance and opening your heart again.

You’ve told me you’re looking for a shortcut to immediately let you know if a guy is a player, slacker, jerk, or alcoholic.

With such men…

You will constantly cry.

You will constantly fight.

You will constantly be disappointed.

You will constantly question yourself.

You will constantly agonize about where things are going.

You will constantly obsess how you can love someone so much and be so unhappy.

All those relationship issues force me to ask you a tough question.

If your boyfriend doesn’t consistently make you feel safe and happy, why are you in the relationship at all?

That may knock you sideways a bit. In fact, it may be difficult to admit to yourself:

You’ve hung onto the wrong men for your entire adult life.

In fact, that tenacity is a quality you took pride in – being able to push through, hold on tight and try to work things out with your partner.

Yet no relationship you’ve ever worked hard at has EVER lasted. Has it?

All relationships take some effort, but when that effort starts to feel like actual workyour relationship is not serving its purpose.

When I look at my happy marriage and the happy marriages of my clients, those relationships all have one overriding quality:

They’re EASY.

If that sounds hard to believe, that’s because you’ve never chosen an easy relationship before.

For you, love has always meant arguments, ups and downs and insecurity.

Or maybe you’re used to placid relationships where you never fought, but you were bored, uninspired, unattracted, and constantly second guessing why you were there.

Understand, your struggles don’t say anything about love itself.

They only something about the men you’ve chosen.

So please, consider this simple and priceless pearl of wisdom.

A good relationship is easy. If it’s not easy, it’s not that good.

Your entire life, you’ve tried to fit a square peg in a round hole.

For years, you’ve fallen for men and tried to justify why they were a long-term fit, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

You cried and fought, and broke up and made-up, and vented to your friends and family, all because you thought that this was NORMAL.

All because “relationships take work.”

Sorry, but they don’t take that much work.

Since 2003, I have helped women like you create better relationships.

If you read my emails regularly, you know: every one ends with a testimonial from a happy client who broke her bad man habit and found a better one.

I’ve been sending out these emails every week since the inception of my business.

So it’s never been a question of whether coaching works.

The only question is what’s the best way to do it?

I’ve taken my best material – collated from 1500 blog posts, 400 newsletters, 4 books, and hundreds of hours of coaching calls – and put it all into one curriculum.

It’s called Love U – and for the first time since 2016, you can get affordable weekly coaching from me and ask me questions in an exclusive private Facebook group.

This program is only for women like you who are done wasting time on the wrong men and are serious about finding love fast.

This program is only for women like you who are done wasting time on the wrong men and are serious about finding love fast.

Soon you’ll understand everything there is to know about the opposite sex, so that you can have the relationship you deserve.

This limited-time opportunity is only available until Sunday, May 12th, so click here to learn how Love U will change your life and how you can apply now.

If you’re accepted into the program, your first call with me is on Tuesday, May 14th!

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,


P.S. Thousands of women have graduated from Love U. Nancy is one of them.

A fifty-something widow who had been through two bad marriages, Nancy had little dating experience, little confidence, and little trust in her ability to navigate relationships successfully. After going through the short weekly videos and asking questions on the phone, Nancy wrote me this email:

I feel like I’ve been having some real ‘Aha’ moments over the last couple of weeks. The idea of ’embracing uncertainty’ was significant for me. I got home last night after spending 11 days out of town. I have been listening to the Love U modules and calls on the road, and also spending time talking with some very good friends. I am feeling really good about where I am right now.  I’m happy with myself…how I’m handling my relationship with David…just happy. It feels great. My dearest friend, who I just saw, told me that she is seeing a lightness in my step. I love to hear that.

Here are some things that are really sticking with me from Love U:

1.  My communication style.  I have always tried to communicate in a kind, friendly manner.  In the past, I felt that I should be willing to be more confrontational, not so wimpy.  I really liked the module that spoke about the compliment sandwich. I feel affirmed about how I like to communicate.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be kind….I’m not a wimp, I’m just a nice person.

2.  Acceptance.  I am embracing the idea of accepting your partner.  Really accepting.  I definitely entered both of my marriages with the idea that I would be changing my husbands.  How freeing to let that go, and focus on accepting a partner for who they are. And, of course, if I can’t accept them, then they are not the right partner 🙂

3.  The module this past week where you shared your proposal story really hit me.  What impacted me the most was how you described your indecision, and how your wife could not (and should not) have changed anything about herself.  I like myself. I had work to do, definitely. I have to move past my fear and allow myself to open up, but at my core, I like who I am. I don’t want to change.  The right man will like who I am, and won’t want me to change.

Are you sick of changing for men who don’t appreciate you?

It doesn’t have to be that way.

You can find an easy relationship just like Nancy did.

Click here to learn more about Love U and apply for enrollment before doors close.

Join our conversation (11 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1

    I think finding easy relationships is… well easy! (^_^)

    I think what most of us struggle with is finding an easy relationship with a person we are attracted to.

    All my relationships with my friend, co-workers, and family are easy but I don’t want to date any of them.

    Also I’m starting to see the importance of knowing if you have a scarcity mentality when it comes to dating. This will cause us to hold on to someone that is not healthy just because they have those few quality that we craved for so long and we are afraid we will never find those qualities again with another person; even if it means ignoring all the baggage that comes with being with that person.

  2. 2

    What I can say to all of this is a deep, resounding, heartfelt nod.

    I struggled for years in one relationship after another – trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. My relationships had always eventually become one-sided because we were not compatible. Either I loved and admired them, but they didn’t treat me properly, or they loved and admired me, but I didn’t feel the same way about them.

    Then I met my current boyfriend, and it was just… easy. He was gorgeous and there was all the chemistry I could ask for. He’s intelligent and interesting, and we always have things to talk about. We communicate easily and regularly and see each other a lot, and have done from day one. He makes all the effort I could possibly wish for, and I never have to nudge things along at all. Things just flow effortlessly between us. Best of all we feel equally strongly about each other.

    I’m so glad that I finally decided to be done with bland, lukewarm or unhappy relationships because I’m happier than ever before. And what sets my current relationship apart is how easy and enjoyable it is.

    1. 2.1

      Hi Clare – Very happy for you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. 3

    That’s wonderful, Clare! Thank you for sharing that. Good to have you back 🙂

  4. 4

    Thank you, Sparkling Emerald & Marika 🙂

    Marika, how has the chaos been around here? Making any headway?

  5. 5
    No Name To Give

    Great news Clare!

  6. 6

    Clare -Bear

    I’m fighting the good fight against the most extreme Northy views best I can without my Southern Soul Sista 😉

    Although it’s cold here now (ie 13 degrees!), so you may see me turn. Haha.

    Nah, glad you’re too busy being blissfully happy to be a regular here. I’m looking forward to a wedding invite – or at least a heads-up so I can send you virtual thoughts of happily- ever -after ness. You’ll have to send in a testimonial so we can see some pics of you and Mr Clare!

    1. 6.1


      I DO like the nickname… many of my friends call me that, and it’s one of my favourites!

      You have a lot of stamina girl, I have to give it to you… When I comment regularly here I eventually become snappy and crotchety or just plain old need a break. But I’ll still pop in to help you from time to time! I think our southern views provided a really valuable perspective… I really do.

      “Although it’s cold here now (ie 13 degrees!), so you may see me turn. Haha.” Wish I could say the same for sunny SA. It’s nearing the end of autumn (about to go into winter) and the days are about 30 degrees with humidity.

      “I’m looking forward to a wedding invite – or at least a heads-up so I can send you virtual thoughts of happily- ever -after ness.”
      Haha, we’re still a long way off from that 😀 but I’ll take the happy thoughts wherever I can get them!
      “You’ll have to send in a testimonial so we can see some pics of you and Mr Clare!”
      He’s a hottie, so I really wish I could… although not sure if I can claim I’m an Evan success having not had proper coaching :/

  7. 7


    We’re doing this now – blame ETO, she started it 😉

    I think you can still testimonialise. We’re all keen to share your joy!

    SA, if you’re listening: humid 30 degrees in late Autumn is TOO HOT. Sth Africa must lead the way in deodorant sales…

    I’m sure my friend said it’s a similar climate to Sydney? The humidity here is finally gone and my hair is very grateful. But maybe that was Durban (sp?). Or Cape Town?..Somewhere coastal no doubt. I have been to Jburg but only a 2 night stopover on the way to Botswana.

    I’d love to go again… maybe for a wedding… ;))

    1. 7.1

      Marika-Nika-Tika (I’m new at this! – thanks Emily!)

      I’d be very happy to provide my testimonial – I’ll do it with my next comment if Evan has no objection.

      We certainly do have a large variety of deodorant brands and types… I wonder if any other country has a deodorant which claims to be a 5 in 1?
      As far as the climate here goes, it varies dramatically from one part of the country to the next. Cape Town has a Mediterranean climate, and I guarantee you they are not experiencing anything close to what we’re experiencing here in Durban (correct spelling!) even though they’re both on the coast. Durban’s idea of winter is 3 weeks at the end of August where it is 15 degrees during the day and 10 degrees at night.
      Although it cannot even compare to Botswana or Namibia which both get temperatures that soar perilously close to 50 degrees.

      Anyway, I won’t hijack Evan’s blog any more to talk about the weather. Can’t complain really. It’s glorious.

      When (if) hottie and I get married, it will be on a beach with maybe two dozen people and a champagne lunch afterwards, so if that sounds like your cup of tea (or pina colada) pull in!

  8. 8
    Emily, to

    Hi Clare,
    “(I’m new at this! – thanks Emily!)”
    I’m back to calling her Marika. Everybody else adopted the nickname. It felt like I liked a cool, up-and-coming band but then the masses suddenly discovered them and so I had to stop listening,. 🙂
    Congrats on the good relationship!

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