In Love U, I have a saying: “Date your complement, not your clone.”
This is based on my observation that most of us seem to overvalue similarity – age, fitness, education, income, religion, politics – and undervalue things like kindness, communication, commitment, consistency and character.
Naturally, there’s more to the story, and this interesting (albeit dry) study shows that even more dangerous than trying to date the opposite sex version of yourself is dating the same person over and over in a different body.
In other words, we all have a “type.” For some, the type is physical.
In other words, we all have a “type.” For some, the type is physical. Some women prefer tall guys. Some gentlemen prefer blondes. That’s not that interesting. What is interesting is when you get into the ‘big 5′ personality traits: agreeableness, conscientiousness, extraversion, neuroticism, and openness to experience, it turns out that we really do have a kind of person that we’re inextricably drawn to.
In and of itself, that’s not a problem. But if you’re attracted to toxic narcissists, it is. If you’re attracted to damaged men, it is. If you’re attracted to avoidant, non-commital men, it is. Over half of my job is breaking women of their harmful relationship patterns and teaching them to value healthy, functional relationships.
Often that means dating against your type – going for a guy you’re less attracted to – because the ones you ARE attracted to tend to make for shitty partners.
Check out the study and please, share your thoughts below. Do you have a type? Were you able to break out of it and find something healthier like I did?