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dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
I will cut right to the chase. I screwed up and didn’t follow your mirroring advice and now I find myself in a bit of a jam.  

I have been in love with a man for a good six years now, and though we were in a relationship for a while, the timing was never quite right. We reconnected a year ago and talked incessantly, but again, the timing was off, we were both seeing other people and stopped communicating. We are both single now, and while I was back in the area, we met up for dinner and ended up having sex. I am moving back for work in May and was thrilled that the timing finally seemed like it might be right for us.

He texted me that night thanking me for an incredible evening. I responded in kind and texted the next morning. I am ashamed to admit I texted him again the next couple days as well. He did respond briefly, but indicated work was very hectic.

I have since backed off. It has been a couple weeks now. He did text me on Monday, but just briefly saying he would love to call, which he didn’t. I asked him about it the next day and he said he was very busy with work and didn’t mean to hurt my feelings.

I feel so confused now. He is someone I feel very strongly about and haven’t been able to let go of. Is there any way to fix pushing a man away after failing to mirror him and being too aggressive? Or is this a lost cause?

Holly

This is just like last week’s post where a woman dated a guy who wanted to be her boyfriend until he didn’t. She got angry and upset and tried blaming everyone involved, including herself.

What she didn’t do is consider just how very common it is for people to dive into a relationship, only to determine it’s not right, for whatever reason.

What she didn’t do is consider just how very common it is for people to dive into a relationship, only to determine it’s not right, for whatever reason.

So let’s look at your situation, Holly, which, is even worse than last week’s situation for the following reasons:

    a. It’s been SIX years. If your car didn’t start for six years, I hope you’d buy a new one. If something isn’t working after six years, it should probably be abandoned.
    b. You’re “in love” with him, which means that you probably lack objectivity about him and are willing to bend over backwards to make things work.
    c. You explain the fact that you’re not together with passive things like “timing,” and “seeing other people.” I explain them by the fact that he is not in love with you and doesn’t want to be your husband.

I know this because he is not your husband after 6 years. I don’t need much more evidence.

But evidently you do, Holly.

Mirroring was created as a method to stop insecure women from chasing down men during the first month of their courtship. That’s all.

So let’s dispense with the fiction that somehow, the thing that finally drove your future husband away was that you didn’t follow my “mirroring” rules. Mirroring was created as a method to stop insecure women from chasing down men during the first month of their courtship. That’s all.

Your texting has absolutely no bearing on your future with him.

Look at his inconsistent behavior for the past six years and you’ve got all the evidence you need to see why this is a lost cause. Please don’t ignore it this time.