DISCOVER HOW SMART, STRONG & SUCCESSFUL WOMEN (THAT'S YOU!) CAN FINALLY Find Your Man

DISCOVER HOW

SMART WOMEN LIKE YOU CAN

FINALLY Find Your Man

Take this short quiz
to discover what you need to do now.

Take this short quiz now

dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
“Microcheating”: is this a thing now?

I guess once something gets a name on the Internet, it is, so allow me to indulge.

The definition, from a recent Esquire article, is: “If you’re exchanging flirty texts with someone who isn’t your partner, consistently liking and commenting on their posts, or leaving googly-eye emojis on their Instagram photos, you may be engaging in micro-cheating. The term describes a wide range of actions and behaviors that aren’t egregious enough to qualify as cheating but are definitely a little bit shady nonetheless.”

I’m of two minds about this, as any reasonable adult would be. In short, such behaviors COULD be a sign of future infidelity, but they certainly are not NECESSARILY a sign. Which makes micro-cheating as a broad definition just about as clear as mud.

Such behaviors COULD be a sign of future infidelity, but they certainly are not NECESSARILY a sign.

As anyone who is a regular reader of this blog knows, I am a proponent of the “full trust or no trust” relationship. If you’re dating someone you don’t trust, your boyfriend liking a woman’s photo online is a threat. If you’re dating someone you completely trust, it’s just another sign that he’s the same human being he was when you first met – and liking photos is unfaithful as  he’ll ever be.

I’m well aware of the first category of men, whose micro-cheating is a slippery slope to full-blown affairs. But I try to embody the latter category of men   – guys who have flirtatious personalities and libidos that don’t shut off like a light switch after marriage, but whose healthy marriages and strong moral code would never involve infidelity.

Both sides  are important to acknowledge – but usually, the alarmists get more airtime. It’s simpler to think in black-and-white terms about attraction and behavior than engage in nuanced discussions about how people REALLY act, rather than how we think they SHOULD act. Per the Esquire article, “It is a myth to believe that being in a committed relationship means you can never or should never feel attracted to someone else.” (In fact, nearly 46% of women and 42% of men  have fantasized about someone other than their partner during sex, according to a 2015 British survey.)  Hell, I don’t even do that.

Both sides  are important to acknowledge – but usually, the alarmists get more airtime.

To be fair, the article is actually quite balanced and gets a series of expert quotes to balance out the fear-based worldview that conflates micro-cheating with cheating.

So what do you think, readers? Is sending a Facebook message to an ex-boyfriend a sign that your relationship is going down the tubes? Or is it just a sign that you were thinking momentarily of your ex-boyfriend, but have no intention of  doing anything nefarious? Do you have different rules for your own behavior than your boyfriend’s behavior?

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.