Are Asians The “Most Desired” Racial Group In America?

young couple sitting on the couch watching on their laptop, laughing

Last week, we asked “Is Race Just A State of Mind In Online Dating?” This week, we find out how online dating would look if there “weren’t so many white people” inundating the market.

OKCupid analyzed 82 million messages sent by members of their free online dating site to form their conclusions, focusing on their four largest single-race groups: whites, asians, blacks, and latinos.

According to their data: “white people actually prefer themselves the least, but right now there’s just so many of them. It’s interesting to think what things would be like if the shoe was on the other foot; if another race outnumbered whites 19:1.”

Read the article here, and don’t forget to check out the interactive visualization charts. In your experiences, do you agree that race affects both quantity and quality of messages? Please share your comments below.

Join our conversation (82 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1

    Well, that confirms my suspicions.   White men do not have an overwhelming preference for white women, especially as they age, and neither do other races.  

    As a pasty-skinned person of mostly Irish ancestry, I have a healthy self-esteem, but I think it’s tough to “compete” with generally curvier women with more pigment.   I think — in general — that those qualities are more in demand now and since online dating is primarily a visual medium, it confirms my belief that for my own dating search, I need to come up with alternative dating strategies where people can get to know me in person rather than just “see” me online.

    This article also motivated me to contact more black men since I frequently find them attractive and have had very positive relationships with them in the past.

    By the way, that is an excellent picture you found to accompany this article!   😀

    1. 1.1

      Djohariah, no I don’t think skin color has to do with anything in your situation.   I’m Asian, and I don’t care about the lightness or darkness of skin tones.   I would like to add though,   Asian women are desirable, but asian men don’t have a chance here in the states (unless if they’re famous or super wealthy).   I think even in the future, 50 years or 100 years or whatever from now, the desired mate is always going to be someone that looks really healthy (regardless of race).   Right now, asian men are being left out because they are  perceived as being small in stature and the  overwhelming negative stereotypes by non asian men who keeps promoting it in the media, etc etc.   Smaller people don’t look as healthy.   Asian women don’t have this problem because women in general are supposed to be smaller than men.   Conversely, black women are left out in the dating world because they are  perceived as being ghetto and aggressive (masculine).   I’m not saying this  is true, because I’ve seen some very attractive black women, but the negative stereotypes are  overwhelming…similar to that of asian men.

      1. 1.1.1

        Asian men are hot. I’m a white female. Asian men are sometimes too clean cut, and I think that can make them a last choice to many women, especially younger ones. Many men, just in my experience as I’m sure it’s not like this everywhere, just come off too reserved. One thing some have said in the past is that Asian men look so much like their women that they can look effeminate.

        Point is: All women do like a man with a little edge to ’em. But most of us think Asians guys are definitely dating/marriage material. We just don’t know how to approach you guys. And if we’re younger, you might not be on our current menu, so to speak, as we probably want to have fun before settling.

        But when I do see an Asian guy and he is dressed down, and his hair is a little messy. I will check him out.  

        1. J

          I’ve never heard such a thing about being too clean cut and the last choice, like I said, the stereotypes about asian men are stupid promoted by non asian guys and are not really helping anything.   Also, I don’t think you judge by someone’s appearance, that could be dangerous.

        2. jolievoila

          People simply are attracted to certain things. Most guys prefer women with long straight hair. Some prefer big boobs and will try to marry someone who turns them on. Looks are a first for men.

        3. Dave

          Translation of Jolie’s finessed comment:

          Yeah, we might settle for you when we get older (post 40s) when we’ve been used up by the edgy bad white/black men. Cuz to us princess white girls you are only a third or fourth option.

          Newsflash: we Asian men in the new millennia are developing ourselves and won’t be around when you are post-40 unmarried or divorced with kids.   You think you are picking us   But the reality is that we are picking you.


        4. momo


          this is EXACTLY the attitude that’s hurting Asian men 🙁 that they’re only good as “marriage material” and there to provide for older women who passed their prime and had their fun.

          Cherry-picking racial stereotype to suit someone’s need is just vile.


    2. 1.2

      Also too, usually light skin people are perceive to be wealthy, so you’re privileged.

    3. 1.3
      Jenny Ravelo

      People tend too prefer people with features found withing the limits of their race, which means most whites don’t have a problem with paler skin. As for curves, that’s an old stereotype. White women tend to have lower whr (wider hips compred to waist), than other groups.

      Also, it’s online dating. Someone who is surrounded by what they like is less likely to seek a partner online.

    4. 1.4
      Big iron


      Hello, i was reading your comment and felt that you amongst many others fall victim to today’s trend.   Skinny, pasty, short, small, small chest, tight but, but no booty. I for one actually changed my perception due to the grossly fact women are doing whatever it takes to have a big but. Seriously?   Why? I liked meat before then i started to look at thinner girls then became more fascinated to her bone structure and muscle offset. For a guy who rides motorcycles and builds them , I look at the frame, its structure and how it transitions from front to back into a look of it’s own.   (Guy’s point of view ). And breasts I’m satisfied and content as well as impressed if just supple or nips at best.   As it’s really narrowed down to pigmentation at that point. As long they are able to guide me in , so to speak. Now being Irish myself.   Well German, Irish, Belgium,   and Italian   a product of WWII. I LOVE pasty,   the glow of white less tan lines demands it’s attention and prides itself in its demure and throw in some freckles, even red hair. Breathtaking.   When I   see such a women I   not only   have feelings of desire I’m given a sense of pride in my white race and many heritages and vast history.   It’s not a race thing or any such. It’s the fact that our ancestors started with a   blood line. As well as the last name. Now the continuation of that blood line getting blended out that gean pool ancestry will be lost. Well it maybe wtf to some. But for a family with a vast history stretching till mans first recordings.   Then you’ll see how important it is to some. Anyhow, I   just wanted to say to you   that maybe you were just in a hurry or looking to hard for someone who desire your look. You fit mine. I’m sorry you feel that way.  

    5. 1.5
      ChuayKron Squaytrayveon Laqueeshlashon

      I’m of mostly Irish extraction and much prefer white women.   For me it’s an odd with loyalty although an Asian/Latino or tall Latino mixed girl is my second favorite group.   The curviness is good on a twenty year old woman but it also indicates that she’ll put on much weight very soon.   There’s nothing wrong with a   skinny Irish girl, especially a racially loyal one.

    6. 1.6

      Good luck with Black men. They are notoriously dogs, unfaithful something like 100% of the time. Also… about 40% of the sexually active young Black men are HIV Positive. As for younger Black women, they are very nearly 100% Herpes infected. But if you’re an unattractive White Woman with a great big ass, and a lousy wardrobe, you’re likely to be in strong demand by Black men. Or why don’t you just stay home and play Russian Roulette with 3 chambers in your 6 shooter loaded. Same odds on getting screwed even more than you hoped to be.

      1. 1.6.1
        Kurt bailey

        Usaully comments like that are charged with jealous underlying,not fact


        1. Jenna Hackleberry

          Jealousy is also feature of black men, when odds not in their favor, they go accusing others of racism and shaming to get what they want. I personally know, a american white girl who is into Icelandic white men, and she fell in love with group of international students from Iceland, among her sorority sisters, they were discussing taboo topics and she mentioned she doesn’t find all races sexy except icelandic dudes, but other girls insisted black men, and she was called racist and words spread around like wild fire amongst all sorority chapters and other sororities and she had to force herself go date a black just so they won’t fire her from sorority house.

        2. Cathalei

          Jenna Hackleberry
          It’s her sorority sisters that accused her for whatever reason, but it’s somehow the fault of Black men? That doesn’t even take into account how many Black men were even interested in her to begin with. Presumably she was attracted to the certain physical characteristics of Icelandic men, how would it be different if it was a Swedish or Dutch man for example? Or was she interested in their passports? Of course that’s appearance difference within the same ‘race’ and Icelandic men are quite a small population so that leaves this question. Either way, the more one says “I am not racist but…” while pointing fingers (with quite an unrelated anecdote at that) the more loudly it screams it, so at least in narrator’s case the accusations wouldn’t be unfounded.

  2. 2

    I happen to like pasty white women of mostly Irish ancestry.   If you have long curly hair give me a call 🙂
    I guess I have been on another planet.     I don’t have a particular physical type.   I didn’t know about the “Asian fetish” thing until an Asian friend told me about it.   I do tend to date other Caucasian Americans.   Partly out of cultural fear and partly out of knowing them better/being able to relate to them better.

  3. 3

    That is a pretty good picture choice!   🙂

  4. 4

    I don’t think Asians have that  much pigment in thier skin.  

    I think the attraction may be more cultural than physical. Not to mention financial where some non american women see white men as financially better partners.

    1. 4.1

      Depends on the kind of Asian! Many Chinese can be pale but most Asians have a beautiful tan to medium Brown complexion. EX Philippines, Thai, Vietnamese, Pakistan, India, Korea, etc

  5. 5

    I may have been under a mistaken impression: I would have said that white men generally prefer Asian women because they think Asian women are seen as being  more defferential toward men than their  caucasian counterparts.    Interestingly enough, plus-size women seem to be more desriable to African American and Latino men.    That one confuses me, as plus-size women are constantly given the message that they have  no worth  because they don’t fit the desired physical type.  

  6. 6

    It is my   theory that all of those made in the orient/asia goods, that americans buy, has made the asian passageway to the U.S. more affordable.     I know men who date asian females,, some of these women, are well to do, financially.  

  7. 7
    Karl R

    Since this data is based upon messages sent, it’s going to be skewed toward male behavior. Men send far more messages than women.  

    I  found it quite interesting to compare the data to a related OKCupid blog post, which breaks down how likely you are to get a response based upon your race, your sex, and which race you sent a message to.

  8. 8

    Why is it confusing that different cultures have differing beauty standards?  According to  the dominant culture in the U.S.  – white American  culture –  plus sized women are not the desired physical type, but other groups may  disagree. Multiple perspectives, multiple truths. As a result of the conflicting narratives, black and brown men are seen as having lower standards when it comes to white women, but the men in question are applying different standards than the dominant one, standards that they apply to women in their own communities as well. Likewise, I think that Asian popularity is  partially due to white male inclination towards  a body type that’s more common in and/or easily attainable  by that group.

    Like many in the article comments, I’d like to see a gender breakdown.  As a person who does  have a strong  preference for Asian men, I can say that it’s rare in the U.S.

  9. 9

    I don’t know where the belief in the submissive Asian woman comes from.   Almost every Asian woman I’ve been friends with has been a real ballbuster.

    1. 9.1
      Big iron


      Asian women are specially engineered in a hereditary sence. But it will only kick in for a man with the right presentation.   Cultural literacy


  10. 10

    Starthrower68   I don’t think Black and latina men prefer plus size women.   They just don’t like skinny women where as white men may.   They prefer a Beyonce, Jlo, Kim Kardashian type.  More curves and not a size 2,

  11. 11

    great pic!

    Karl- thanks for posting that OK Cupid post. Very interesting to read- and it helped me decide how I should go about e-mailing. Right now, my focus when I e-mail men has been evenly split between white dudes and men of color- but I probably should focus solely on the latter for a higher success rate (online).

  12. 12

    Hmm I don’t see many women looking for   Asian men.

  13. 13
    The InBetweener

    Not to get TOO much off the subject but where do multi-racial people fit into the equation?

  14. 14
    Rich Women Wanting Men

    Well, actually, I totally agree.   I see lots of women I know looking for Asian men.   And many men looking for Asian women.   Great post, Evan!

  15. 15

    I’m white and plus-sized, and I can tell you from 30+ years of my own experience — the vast majority of men who’ve ever hit on me and tried to pick me up when I’ve been out and about have been black men — often very good looking black men.   Since I find them attractive, I’m always flattered.

  16. 16

    @Steve #9, that is a hilarious comment!!

  17. 17

    @Lance #16
    Thanks Buddy, but I wasn’t trying to be funny :).

  18. 18

    9. I don’t buy that either. One thing I’ve  been  thinking about lately  is how the Asian-American community doesn’t seem to  have the narrative present in white and  black communities  where women are told  “Career or family, you have to choose! If you go to grad school, you’re just running the clock down! If you become a doctor, men won’t feel like  you need them!”  Since they come  from a set of cultures  where a significant amount of  female accomplishment and professional success  is expected and  celebrated, the men who date them can’t  be the  types who would run around  behaving as if it it’s a problem. Also, from anecdotal evidence,  I can also  say that none of the women that I’ve met have been particularly passive, and the men who find them appealing appreciate their independence and assertiveness.  That being said, I run in younger circles… I think stereotypes about Asian women were more widely held in the past, and I’ve heard  from  older men  who do  have  those ideas and cite them as the primary  impetus for  their interest  in  Asian women. These men acknowledge a difference, however,  so they tend to  focus their attentions on recent  immigrants instead of Asian-Americans. They also strike out quite a bit. One thing about admiring  people who adhere to  the  traditional traits (real or merely  idealized)  of a culture  outside of your own –  endogamy is tradition, too. Furthermore, it’s  often  considered  the foundation for the successful propagation of  all of the  others.  

    10. I think that difference in the ideal creates a skew across the spectrum of preferences. If J. Lo is the standard, there’s probably going to be more men in the group  who are interested in Christina Hendricks and Toccarra Jones types, as well as more  men who are interested in women who are indisputably plus sized. While men who are interested in the latter may not constitute the majority,  IMO,  they compose  a larger minority with views that are openly  accepted as part of the range instead of relegated to the fringes, shamed into closets,  or reduced to fetishism.

  19. 19

    A sad stereotype about plus size women is that they are desperate and will do anything sexually without much work on the man’s part.

  20. 20

    #15, I think that may be because black men are more comfortable hitting on women, as are men from Latin cultures (French, hispanic/Spanish, Italien). At least this has been my experience, especially after living in and around Paris for four years a few years ago. I wish white American men were a little more bold in this way… I’d really like to date more men from my culture, but they seem boring to me. Maybe they’re just unattracted to a girl who looks too much like she could be their sister. The few who aren’t afraid to show their interest have found me very attractive and sexy, so I’m baffled about the rest!

    1. 20.1
      ChuayKron Squaytrayveon Laqueeshlashon

      Much of this has to do with white men’s tendency toward long term commitment compared to black men.   If we all thought were just looking for sex and not possibly being tied to a woman for life, we’d be more bold.   In these cases, we don’t approach women where there may be a few initial discounting traits; looks, voice, attitude, etc.   If there are no consequences and a man gets to breed for free with the state often paying to raise his offspring, well, that’s a good incentive to be bold and bed as many as possible (if you believe/see this evolutionarily).   This is my observation as a regular citizen in a town of 80,000 in the Midwest.   Half the black men I know have no intention of ever being civil with the woman’s direct and extended family.   In fact, they usually don’t have to pay child support as the Grandad would just as soon not have them around.   Find a Latino, Irish, German, Chinese, Japanese, Swedish, even Arab man if you want to have resources and a good chance of being treated well.   Blacks are lacking something emotionally or otherwise.   It is very bad news where I’m from.

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