How Can I Tell How Attractive I Really Am?

How Can I Tell How Attractive I Really Am?

Hi Evan,

I have been reading your blog for over a year now and I have also bought your book Why He Disappeared. I enjoy a lot of the advice and generally agree with most of it.

You generally maintain the reason why people are single is they over-assess themselves and rate themselves higher than what they originally are. Like a 6 thinking she is an 8. So my question today is basically this: how do you correctly analyze yourself? I always feel like asking people I am around (good friends, coworkers etc.) but I am scared it might ruin things/make things uncomfortable and basically they might tell me what I want to hear.

So is there an objective way to quantify yourself so that you are clear in where you stand? —Sharon

Thanks for the self-aware question about not being entirely self-aware.

I’ve always used a metaphor to describe people and their attractiveness ratings.

Think of it like a clothing store.

You’re introducing a new brand of milk. It’s no different than anyone else’s 2% milk, but it’s your unique packaging. You’re targeting wealthy people who want the best of the best in everything. To that end, you price your milk at $10/gallon.

Nobody buys it.

Does anyone that you want to date want to date you back?

There’s nothing wrong with the milk. It’s just not finding its target market.

You lower the price to $9. $8. $7. $6. $5…

Your mind is blown because you thought that your milk was different and special and it turns out that no matter how strongly you felt about your unique brand, other people — your buyers – only valued it at a lesser rate.

It’s basic supply and demand and it’s about the only way to see what your value is.

Sure, you can put your face up on HotOrNot or buy one of those Ugly iPhone apps to gauge your “scientific” attractiveness rating. But that’s not particularly telling.

More telling is this: does anyone that you want to date want to date you back?

If not, you’re overestimating yourself, no matter what “number” you think you are.

Listen, we overestimate ourselves because it’s necessary. No one would want to wake up in the morning, thinking that she’s ugly, stupid, mean, and has bad taste in clothing, music, and décor. But if you look around, there are a lot of stupid, ugly, mean people with bad taste, aren’t there?

So a measure of self-delusion is not only normal, but somewhat healthy for survival.

People respond to confident people and whether the confidence is deserved or not doesn’t really matter, as long as each delusional pot finds a delusional lid.

The only time that this overconfidence bias becomes a problem is when there’s a severe disconnect between reality and fantasy.

The 62-year-old guy who writes to you online when you’re 31? If he starts to take things personally, he’s gonna go through some hard times. He may be a great catch, but if he’s holding out for exclusively women who DON’T want him, he’ll likely be alone for a really, really, really long time.

I don’t judge him. He wants what he wants. But I do feel bad for him.

Everyone becomes choosier online because we’re comparing you to other, younger, taller, richer, smarter people in a way that we don’t in real life.

He’s overestimated himself and forgotten that the 31-year-old could have any man — 30, 35, 40, 45, 50… there’s virtually NO reason she would choose to go out with him.

Flip that over and apply this logic to yourself, Sharon.

If every guy you write to online is a 9 and none of those guys write back, they probably don’t see you as a “9” as well.

Keep going down the list — writing to the 8s, 7s, 6s, and 5s. The ones who start writing back are the ones at your level.

For most people, this reality check is quite a slap in the face.

And that’s exactly why I do it with all my private clients.

I have no tolerance for people who don’t embrace reality and if a fit 50-year-old woman is only going to write to hot 45-year-old guys who claim to want 35-year-old women, she’s most definitely wasting her time.

To put a final point on it, online dating isn’t the best arbiter for your attractiveness number. Everyone becomes choosier online because we’re comparing you to other, younger, taller, richer, smarter people in a way that we don’t in real life.

In real life, your physical attractiveness number is completely affected by your personality.

Overweight women, women with large noses, women who are older — name your physical bugaboo — all become sexier when attached to a bright, vibrant, positive, engaging personality. Which is why the photo test is, at best, limited.

Still, if you’re only holding out for men who have no interest in you, you’re probably overestimating yourself and should take it down a peg. Same exact advice applies to all men, so please, no angry comments, okay? ☺

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  1. 1

    Evan, I really liked this entry, it’s really interesting.

    I think this is true for EVERYONE online, men and women. I’ve heard some horror stories from guys, and I’ve had my share of guys who really thought they were something and when I’d politely respond with, “Thanks, but I’m not sure this will work”, I got some pretty verbally abusive responses to where I had to contact the site admins and flag them.

    I’m not expecting a 10, since I am not a 10 myself, but if you’re really a 4, please don’t go online and tout yourself as a 10 and get angry if those of us who see through it, decline to get on board the BS bus. Honesty is one heck of a lot more refreshing than lying. I went out with a number of guys who were balding or greying, because they were gracious and humorous about it, and never tried to hide it.

    If only everyone could act like this, dating would sure be alot less stressful, IMO! 🙂

    1. 1.1

      You are %100 accurate;  each one   should grab a piece of paper and put down in writing  his/her positive and negative characteristic and be honest when scoring or evaluating our selves

    2. 1.2

      Why do you refer to bald guys as though they are at a disadvantage? Your saying they had to make up for their baldness in some other way? That’s wrong. The stigma associated to baldness is such superficial shallow behaviour from women. If only the women who put baldness alongside something like being fat woke up to realize the true character of a man. Something far more important towards having a long successfully happy relationship.  

      1. 1.2.1

        @James, you just proved this woman’s point. Some dudes’ ego is too frail

        1. Nurwho

          @KnowbodyXXL, James’ ego isnt necessarily frail just because he did not agree with Heather. His only point was that balding should not necessarily be equated to a negative just like large breast should not automatically equate to a positive. Its a personal choice.  

      2. 1.2.2

        I’ve been having weight gain this year alongside the inability to lose weight. I think it’s a SYMPTOM of some GI issues I’ve been having that I’m now trying to help with more holistic measures.   Unfortunately, modern medicine seriously lacks when it comes to GI issues.   How is my “being fat” different from balding in that sense?   It’s a consequence of physiological factors that have been outside of my control.   My issue is a common one.  
        Now, let’s take what you said and turn it around:   “The stigma associated [with] being overweight is such superficial shallow behaviour from men. If only the men who put being overweight alongside something like being bald woke up to realize the true character of a woman.”
        It’s sad how so many men associate being overweight with being sedentary and unhealthy.   I eat organic, whole foods.   I build trails.   I can kick most guys’ asses on a mountain bike.   I can snowshoe and ski for hours.   I LOVE doing this stuff.   And, yet, there is a stigma attached to my weight.   It doesn’t matter that I’m an awesome, adventurous woman who embraces freedom.  
        Bald can be sexy…on the right guy…with the right attitude.   And while you may not be attracted to certain weights, and that’s perfectly fair, your attitude does shine through and matters much more.   Women are much more likely to move past weaknesses when a guy has a great personality, but most guys aren’t willing to give the girl time to get to know him.   I’ve been willing to go on second or third dates with guys who had important weaknesses because I know I can’t really know someone and fall for them after one, two, or even three dates.   How many guys do that?

        1. TL

          Fair points, Di.

        2. DeeGee

          Di said: “It’s sad how so many men associate being overweight with being sedentary and unhealthy.

          I don’t mean anything personal by this.

          Weight is simply a matter of calories, no matter what anyone wishes to believe otherwise.
          If a person burns all of what they consume, they will never gain weight.   Burn more than what is consumed, then weight is lost.   It is 100% physiologically impossible for any other results to occur.
          Most people who have weight issues, have diet issues, typically too high in carbs and sugars. Try using a ketogenic diet.
          Regarding exercise, yes, a person who exercises a lot can still have some additional fat, there is nothing wrong with that.   It will again fall onto their diet.

          On the flip side, baldness can’t be changed by simply changing your diet.

        3. Kristine

          In response to DeeGee – your statement in “most cases” is true. However, you can’t say “It is 100% physiologically impossible for any other results to occur.” There are many medical diagnoses that cause weight gain as well as weight loss, without regard to calories in, and calories out. For the record I am very fit, with a BMI of 21, so I’m not defending myself here. I am a nurse and understand how the human body can be very complex from person to person.

        4. Andy

          No offence but it is not out of your controll. Don’t eat so often. I was very fat. I started eating once or twice a day and i lost 16 killos in 3 months. That was 8 years ago. Im still thin and my eating habbits have not changed.

      3. 1.2.3

        Well, there’s at least one advantage to having stigmatized, immutable traits:   they’re a  shallow person repellent.

  2. 2

    This is so right on, positivity and a great personality make any man or woman more attractive. Confident people GLOW. That is attractive all on it’s own. Thanks for serving up reality to all of us who need to be reminded.

    This was great.

  3. 3

    The one thing that topples this theory is that human behavior and desire are often unpredictable. I was waiting in the airport security line yesterday when I saw a really attractive woman standing behind me who was about 5’10” and wearing a tank top embroidered with the word “bride”. When I saw the guy standing behind her I just thought she was going to her bacherlorette party, and so did the women standing in front of me because they commented on it. Well, come to find out this 5’10” bombshell just married this older man, who seemed a little rough around the edges and a few inches shorter than her.

    Relationships aren’t always that scientific down to the number, and who decides who’s a 9 and who’s not? This is further complicated by people who date outside of their race. There was a really awful article that came out several months ago in Psychology Today that said black women are the least attractive women while black men are seen as the most attractive, and all hell broke loose; Psychology Today got so much heat for it they took the article down. Should a smart, well-educated woman date the guy who sells her her morning paper at the newsstand simply because he’s the one who’s showing interest in her and the men at her office do not?

    I’m a plus size woman, and if I had a penny for every time someone told me that some guy wouldn’t date me because I was a big girl I would be rich. The men may not come in droves, but they do come. A lot of plus size women struggle with this because the automatic assumption is if you’re fat then you can only date a fat man, and that’s just not true. I don’t know, I think it’s a little bit more complicated than pairing the 6’s with the 6’s and the 10’s with the 10’s.

    1. 3.1

      I’m intrigued by the desire to figure out whether I’m a 5 or an 8 or … (don’t even wanna consider that I might be a 3), but I don’t get Evan’s standard about whether people I want to date want to date me.   Of course _some_ of the people I want to date want to date me.   In online dating and speed dating, pretty much everyone I’ve expressed an interest in has responded in kind, but I’m certainly not a 10.   Is the message that I should look for the most gorgeous picture of a man who claims to be tall and rich and see if he responds to me?   Or maybe the message is I just should stop caring what my rating is if guys I want to meet are agreeing to meet me.   My ego would kinda like to know…

      1. 3.1.1

        I think the point was that although there are exceptions to the rule, statistically speaking over the course of using enough samples, your “number” will be accurate based on the laws of how statistics generate results.

    2. 3.2

      I love how it’s turned into weight and baldness issues. There is someone who will want you, if you are heavy or bald. One person won’t, well who cares we can only have one, and that’s all we want. I’m no longer looking and geeze I feel a lot calmer for it.

    3. 3.3
      Been there

      ^ This is spot on, you can’t measure your attractiveness by the take whoever will have you arguement, if we did we’d all be dating down. Just because there are people below someone’s league who would be happy to take them doesn’t mean that’s their league, the mismatch will only lead to insecurity in the partner later and resentments.

      Online is the worst place to put your self esteem up for evaluation, the quality of men is lacking online and it distorts male perception of what they can actually get, they see lots of attractive women and think they are available to them, attractive women far outweigh attractive men online by a significant margin. Online is a let down for attractive women, it’s like you’ve spend all your time training to be a sprinter only to show up on race day and find the track has been washed out, do you stop being an athlete just because there is nowhere to compete? Are you going to go home with the lounge lizard eating hot dogs in the stands when your own lifestyle is dietitians and coaches just because he’s the only one who showed up?

      Online is massively skewed, I know women that would be ignored online because of the discrimination against larger girls there but offline these women don’t just turn heads they can silence a room just by walking into it, men go stupid over them, they have the Anna Nicole Smith guess model look but online I doubt they would even get a look in.

      You also can’t use the market value arguement in relation to feelings and expect people to settle for whatever happens to be floating around, if you put two people together and one isn’t keen you can bet they will not fight for the relationship and likely they will feel resentful and cheat if they feel trapped in it. It’s better to ask people do they want to always be going the extra mile for someone who doesn’t appreciate them or do they want someone who will do anything for them and let them decide where to split the difference.

      At the end of the day people don’t get what they deserve, they get what they will settle for (the tall blonde settling for the short guy for example) and if it’s not something that makes them happy it will crumble taking their partner down with it, forcing people together when one party isn’t interested is cruel.

      A better solution would be for men to lift their game, improve themselves instead of holding it against women when they don’t find their lack of self care and lack of life involvement attractive.

  4. 4

    Excellent article. Yes, sure thing – confidence is the key, male or female.

  5. 5

    Evan ,
    I think thats a valuable article that helps me keep perspective for online dating. Ive been amazed at the delusion of some of the guys that contact me however Im sure my age 53 and height , 6 foot, are detractors for me also
    I like the idea of testing who responds since I seldom send emails.
    I was disappointed the hot 45 year old black guy didn’t respond but your article helped me laugh and overcome the pain of rejection LOL

    1. 5.1

      Dear Kathleen
      I ‘m a black woman and I do understand black men mentality and perception  of    women.   They likes/prefer young women even if they are same age as    their daughters   + loves to engage in  multipule relationships.      Also they are not honest, irresponsible and  women should n’t trust them (especially white women) .  Yes it is not fair to brush all black men with the same brush but generally they sex-holic and that make it difficult to commit to one female.

      1. 5.1.1

        This is the most retarded statement ive ever had the displeasure of reading. What you’re describing is a culture not a race.

      2. 5.1.2

        @najwan, you say that “it is not fair to brush all black men with the same brush” but that is exactly what you did including the men in your family. Stereotyped. Do you also suggest that all Black men have large penises, All Asian men are computer wizzes and all Jewish men are rich? Very sad commentary by you.

      3. 5.1.3

        I’m white and my husband is black. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.

      4. 5.1.4

        Najwan is right. They can be amazing but they can’t keep it in the pants. And they really are sexaholic

  6. 6
    a regular

    Evan, would you please extend this advice and comment on breast size? I feel like this is a factor on relative attractiveness “value,” but I haven’t heard anyone objectively comment on it.

    I am a fit woman with a body like a model (trim with curves and not emaciated) except smaller. Nothing sags and I have a good waist to hip ratio. Thing is, I have a small frame and small breasts to go with it. How much of a deal is this? It seems like many guys are into large breasts nowadays. How much impact does breast size have on attractiveness levels in your opinion? What about in sunny climates?

    1. 6.1
      Michael C.

      I just saw your post. I can tell you that I actually prefer small-framed women with small breasts. I, myself, am small-framed, and I guess that’s why I prefer women who are the same. I don’t understand most men who say that they like women with large butts and big breasts. To me, those are turn-offs.

    2. 6.2

      I am 6’3, 225 lbs, athletic build, and prefer small breasted women. Just sayin.

    3. 6.3

      it really depends on who you ask.   Personally I’m more concerned with the waist to hip ratio.   Don’t really care about breasts.   It’s a preference thing

    4. 6.4

      Add another man’s vote to the small breast category.
      I think a B is perfect, a C is the biggest I prefer.
      I do like a little bigger in the thighs and a good hip-to-waist ratio.

    5. 6.5

      You sound absolutely adorable.     A small frame with small breasts is the IDEAL female body type to me.   I also have a slender body type with a small frame, so maybe that could be a factor.   I definitely don’t like big breasts or big butts.   I know that many of my friends also love small-breasted, slender women.   It’s hard to believe I would actually have to point this out, but yeah, many of us guys love slender women with small breasts.

  7. 7

    I have a man interested in me who thinks my theory of “The Perfect 5” is ridiculous. I think I’m being fair when I categorize myself as a 5, and am therefore looking for a 5. I believe dating too far up (or down) from where you fall on the scale is a recipe for disaster. I would say he’s a 9 (very attractive, makes good money, and has let me know that he’s had many beautiful women in his past). So why would a 9 want to date a 5? He’s just going to leave the minute another 8 to 10 walks on the scene, isn’t he?

    1. 7.1

      Holly, the guy sounds sincere, & thinks you are prettier than you consider yourself. Also, your “Perfect 5” implies that you are not (or rarely ever) superficial. Or he thinks you are a good challenge (based on your discription of him), which is not bad. The less interest you display, the more he becomes. Therefore, it is very possible for 1’s – 7’s can attract some 8’s – 10’s. & he is just one of those who do.

      What I find funny is: men who are 1’s – 5’s can get the women that are 8’s – 10’s (i.e. Wiz Khalifa & Amber Rose, Beyonce & Jay Z, Marilyn Manson) more than vice versa. Women don’t judge as harshily as men do them. Go figure…

      1. 7.1.1

        of course those 1-5 men got those women. They have money. You think they would’ve with them if they didn’t? Yet you say men are shallow. Money will always make a 2 into 10.

      2. 7.1.2

        I definitely agree with the aspect that women judge less harshly!

        1. ScottH

          I definitely disagree with you.

  8. 8

    Bottom line: beauty is in the eye of the beholder

  9. 9
    Karl R

    Sharon asked:
    “how do you correctly analyze yourself?”
    “So is there an objective way to quantify yourself so that you are clear in where you stand?”

    There’s no objective way to quantify yourself. Evan’s subjective method (explained above) is probably the most systematic way to do so in an online environment.

    To put it simply, where you stand varies from person to person, for a number of reasons. So you want to find a person who values you highly and who you value highly.

    Finding someone who values you highly:
    This is why Evan recommends doing reverse searches. Start with the people who are interested in you. If you have mainstream appeal (young and attractive woman / attractive and successful man), this is going to be a lot of people. If you lack that mainstream appeal, you’ll have to find the people you do appeal to. What are the traits that draw people to you? Who is drawn to them?

    Finding someone who you value highly:
    If you’re attracted to people who have mainstream appeal (young and attractive women / attractive and successful men), then you’ll be competing against almost everyone. If the people you find attractive aren’t mainstream, you’ll have significantly less competition. Are there any traits that have broad appeal that you can do without (or do with less of) in a partner?

    The easiest way “to be clear where you stand” is to meet people face to face. That way you can see how the person is directly responding to you. Online, look at your inbox to see who is messaging/responding to you. In either case, only the “top end” matters.

    1. 9.1

      What do you mean exactly by mainstream appeal? Do you mean any woman of race or women of particular race who have high social status, attractive, young, and perceived as successful?

      1. 9.1.1
        Karl R


        Sigh.   Let me start by saying that the way you asked your question makes me cringe, for more reasons than I could possibly explain.


        Let’s start with the men who have mainstream appeal, since this principle applies to both sexes.

        Women tend to prefer men with handsome, manly faces.

        Women tend to prefer men who look physically fit.

        … men who have higher education.

        … men who have higher incomes.

        … who are taller.

        … who aren’t old.

        … who dress fashionably.

        … who are confident.

        … who are witty and charming.

        … who are outgoing.

        … etc.


        You may find yourself agreeing with a lot of that.   You may prefer many (or all) of those traits.   If so, you’re pursuing men who have broad mainstream appeal.


        For the women who have mainstream appeal, the list would be somewhat similar, but not identical: beautiful face, great body, younger, friendly, fun, etc.   If you have most or all of those traits, then you have broad mainstream appeal.

        (Race plays a less important role.   If you possess all of the above traits, you’ll be highly sought after regardless of your race.   If you lack most of those traits, you’ll struggle regardless of your race.)

        The lists for men and women aren’t identical.   (There’s a chance that I left an important trait off one or both lists, but I think I hit all of the really important ones.   The women’s social status and success really seems to have little impact on mainstream appeal.)   If you find yourself pursuing men/women who have mainstream appeal, and if you largely lack mainstream appeal, you’re not going to be particularly successful at dating.

        1. Kenzie

          Haha. No race does matter. I’m Asian and I was raised in Ohio. I was never asked out on a date – only when I went to college did I finally get asked out!   But prior to college I was recruited to model in Asia and lived there for 2 years. Objectively in Asia I’m attractive, pretty etc but in the US, I couldn’t get a date.   I see photos. Of myself back then and think wow I was beautiful. But you see even with my sweetness, intelligence and sense of self – I still wasn’t considered pretty.

          Race plays a role.   It’s kindly of you to suggest otherwise but I dare to say naive.

  10. 10

    Holly Ive always found it interesting when a guy has to share that he’s dated very beautiful women/ models/Ms Tropicana. It makes me wonder how insecure they are Most women underestimate their attractiveness where as men seem to overestimate it . I would speculate that he might be less than a 9 , you more than a 5 and he’s insecure.

  11. 11

    Holly, you know, you might have a point there, about dating too far up or down on the scale from where you think you are. I guess I’d put myself at a 7 if I really had to sit down and work it all out, but I tend not to go for the 9-10 guys. Especially because I found out that a few of those guys that look hot, are actually scammers, yes guys, we girls get scammed too, LOL.

    A former boyfriend definitely fits your theory as well. He was maybe a 5 and that’s on a good day, and I’m not trying to be snarky, but he was short, bald, and looked a LOT like George Costanza. Anyways, he’d lied to me about his height, and then whined about how hard it was to have found me, so many girls were so shallow, etc. He ended the relationship because his parents didn’t like me for being divorced, and from what my friends who run into him tell me, he is still lying about his height, whining about why he can’t meet a “nice, not shallow, not flaky girl”. If he’d just been honest, and not so entitled and pushy, he’d have done probably just fine. It wasn’t like he was an ogre or anything, but he was very unrealistic about his looks.

  12. 12

    The scale is an interesting concept My ex husband was extremely good looking If we went anywhere people would think he was an actor/ athlete etc and if we were overseas they wanted his autograph and would insist he was incognito. Women were always checking him out. He liked that I was bright and athletic LOL !!!
    My neighbor, a wise Japanese woman, told me never again to be with a man who was better looking than me. Im hoping not to make the same mistake. Thats not likely lately Ha!!

  13. 13

    Insightful and timely, Evan!
    I completely agree that a bright personality can increase a person’s attractiveness quite a lot. But the converse is true as well: being gorgeous and cranky can totally bring your number down.
    When on the dating sites, I remind myself to READ, not just look. Then I remind myself that not all guys are great communicators or can spell. Then I remind myself that I don’t have to have absolutely everything in common with the guy and it’s okay if he’s into sports even if I’m not.
    Then I strike up a conversation and see where it goes. 🙂

    For those thinking their personality doesn’t shine through on their dating profile, you can always make a video and post the link. Not all sites allow this, but there are some sites that have sections designed specifically for it too.

    Good luck and chin up, everyone.

  14. 14

    Kathleen/Heather, thanks for your insight. It’s funny now that I think about some of the men I’ve dated in the past. I’ve intentionally sought out the short/fat/bald guys (those I consider 5s) because I figured we’d be a good match; he’d appreciate me even though I’m overweight and no model, and I wouldn’t have to worry about other women chasing him around. Well, now that I look back I realize that most (if not all) of these men had been married to gorgeous women or ended up cheating on me with gorgeous women, so maybe the scale doesn’t mean anything after all. If they can get good-looking women, I’ll take a shot at a good-looking guy for a change!

  15. 15

    I’m definitely on the same page as Evan here, I think his description is quite accurate. If you glance around at couples, for the most part, they are about equal in attractiveness to one another. So, going for a 7 if you feel you are a 7, makes a lot of sense. That will only take you so far though. Attraction truly can’t be whiddled down to something so simple as numbers 1 through 10, people are far to complex for such a simple system. For people who are genuinely confused about where they stand, though, it’s a good starting point. Some of my girlfriends have dated guys that they think are gorgeous, and I think are just ‘ok’. I’m sure I’ve dated guys who I thought were dead sexy and they didn’t agree either. So my 10 might be your 7, or vice versa. It only has to be ‘real’ between the two of you. If 10 guys say I’m a 5 and you think I’m a 10, as my boyfriend, then that’s what matters to me. It’s when people are so full of themselves, arrogant, or BLIND that they really think they are gods gift to the opposite sex that they can date a super model. Well, that’s just pretty dense . . . I highly doubt you’re going to make much progress with someone as clueless as that. If you have a decent amount of self awareness, it really shouldn’t be so difficult to figure out where you stand in the attraction arena.

  16. 16

    I agree with Trenia #3. In fact, I was going to write something similar, and then I read her post.

    I’m a guy, and I’m not physically attracted to every woman whose physical beauty rates “9” or “10” (going by society’s general concensus). In fact, there are many such whom I am NOT attracted to. And yet, I am attracted to some “6”s or “7”s. Thing is, I have a physical type.

    Trenia, to many guys, you might be just what they are looking for physically. Not “the best they can reasonably hope for”, but actually “just what they are looking for”. And some of these guys could very well be what society considers “9”s and “10”s.

    That said, I do get the basic concept of what you are saying, Evan, and I agree with a lot of it. A 50-year-old woman who is holding out for an “in-demand” 35-year-old man can expect to be waiting quite a while. I just think that there also has to be accounting for individual tastes too.

    1. 16.1

      Thank you, Michael17.   I teased the last man I fell for that he wasn’t young enough or cut enough or white enough to be a Hollister model, and none of those models was half as sexy as my boyfriend.   He may not have been the in-demand look, but he was ideal to my eyes.

      1. 16.1.1

        so true

  17. 17

    Holly, yeah I hear you, it doesn’t hurt to take a shot at guys we think are pretty good looking. I remember when the George Costanza lookalike ended our relationship after informing me that Mommy told him to end things, I thought, wow, so much for my giving a guy a chance whom I wasn’t sure was my type. I was just bitter at the moment and really hurt.

    My current guy is a fellow I “typically” would not go for, but when I saw his smile, and pictures of his family dog with him, and after a few conversations, I realized that he was definitely worth talking to, and see where it went. And here we are five months later. He’s a really good man and sure, I’d love it if he read more, didn’t watch “Major League” EVERY daggone weekend, and were a bit more quiet, I still wouldn’t trade that for a guy who was well read, watched more “in depth movies” and was more quiet, who would not treat me like gold.

  18. 18
    Karl R

    a regular asked: (#6)
    “How much impact does breast size have on attractiveness levels in your opinion?”

    If the man likes large breasts, it has a big impact. If a man likes small breasts, it has a big impact. If a man likes all breasts, it has very little impact.

    a regular asked: (#6)
    “What about in sunny climates?”

    Why would the climate make a difference? Breasts don’t grow (or shrink) when exposed to direct sunlight.

    Holly asked: (#7)
    “So why would a 9 want to date a 5?”

    Physical attractiveness isn’t the primary quality he (or she) is looking for.

    My fiancée is primarily attracted to intelligence and sense of humor. If a man is “a 9” in both of those traits, he’s a 9 to her (even if he looks like ten miles of bad road).

    Holly asked: (#7)
    “He’s just going to leave the minute another 8 to 10 walks on the scene, isn’t he?”

    I remember the best-looking woman I ever dated. Our first date was two long. I did not ask her out for a second date.

    If someone is genuinely interested in you, that means they are interested in you.

    I know several couples where one partner is significantly more attractive than the other. After getting to know them, it was obvious that the less attractive person was the genuine “catch”. Don’t place too much importance on appearance.

    Holly said: (#7)
    “I believe dating too far up (or down) from where you fall on the scale is a recipe for disaster.”

    Dating someone who is not kind (or to whom you’re not kind) is a recipe for disaster. Dating someone whom you cannot get along with is a recipe for disaster. Dating someone who you think is “too far up the scale” merely makes it more likely that you’ll overlook poor behavior.

  19. 19

    Michael17 #3, I agree 100%. I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees it this way.

  20. 20

    Heather, I’m so with you! I have several friends who have been doing the online dating thing right along with me, and I see them pass over guy after guy because they’re “beneath them,” or don’t meet every single one of their requirements: (MUST be under 40, earn six figures, 6’2″, 180 lbs., six-pack, know the words to every Marilyn Manson song, hate sports, no dogs, no kids, etc., etc.) Give me a break! I’ve been burned my fair share (by 5s AND 9s–I guess we ALL have), but my best relationships have always been with guys who my friends would never have considered and frequently tried to talk me out of (“You can do better.”) Better than a guy who’s kind and good to me and goes out of his way to make sure I’m happy? Huh? Meanwhile I have a 9 just waiting for me to pull the trigger and they’re still sitting at home, alone. Hmm…think I just answered my own question here. Think I’ll go on a date tonight! 🙂

    1. 20.1

      Good for you! 😀 I’ve noticed the same thing with some of my friends. Having a check list like that is sooo dangerous. Your list should have things on it like moral qualities, life goals, and maybe some lifestyle things too. In a 5 year relationship/marriage, I learned those are the things that truly matter. When I went back into the dating scene, I took my time for 2 years and met an amazing guy who I truly believe is way higher than me on “the hotness scale”. But we have the right things in common and none of it matters to either of us.

      I would say this article is true though, to simplify it all.

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