This morning, I took a peek at the questions coming into my blog. There I found eight questions all saying the same thing:
“Where is the best place to meet a quality, relationship-oriented man? I’m really open to everything you say, Evan, but I never meet any good men!”
I hear ya.
It’s certainly frustrating to want to prioritize your love life, but not have the opportunity to meet any new men on a day-to-day basis.
This lack of opportunity, above all, is the main reason that you’re not in love now.
It’s not because you’re terrible with men.
It’s not because you have nothing to offer.
The reason you’re single is simply that you haven’t met the right guy – and yet you have no idea where he’s coming along.
I’ve only got one word for you, my friend.
Before you tune out or run away screaming, hear me out.
Because this isn’t just my opinion. This is fact.
As opinionated as I am, I’m always open to the possibility of being proven wrong.
I hope you are, too.
Did you hear that? That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.
Because studies show that facts don’t actually matter when you have a deeply held opinion.
If I told you that 2 + 2 = 4, but you believe that 2 + 2 = 5, no amount of evidence can make you change your mind. In fact, any evidence that I provide that contradicts you is only going to make you believe in your original premise more.
Fascinating, isn’t it?
Yes, you’re hardwired to be stubborn and, as such, you can easily fall victim to “the confirmation bias”, which seeks out information which only reaffirms what you already believe (biting my tongue on the obvious Fox News joke…)
So, if you have dated online and discovered the following:
• Men sometimes lie.
• Men often flake out.
• Men are poor at marketing themselves.
• Men are stupid, sexual and visual.
• The wrong men write to you. The right men don’t.
I wouldn’t be able to argue with any of this.
And if you concluded that, because of those observations, you weren’t inclined to try online dating again, you’d have plenty of evidence to support yourself.
But, in writing off online dating you’d be making a massive mistake. Here’s why:
In the past three years, 17% of all married couples met through online dating.
This is more than TWICE the number of couples who met through bars, clubs, and other social events.
Did you hear that?
That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.
Don’t fight it.
Now, to be fair, 38% of marriages came from work and school. And 27% came through a friend or family member.
So clearly that must mean that those are “better” ways of meeting…
Not so fast.
How many people have a job or go to school? About 100%
How many people have friends and family? About 100%
How many people are paying for online dating sites at a given time? Maybe 5%.
What this illustrates is that, proportionally, 5% of the population (online daters) accounts for 17% of the marriages in the past 3 years.