Does Age Matter When Dating – and Also Why It Doesn’t

I’m a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women. I’m going to spend the rest of this blog post talking candidly about age. If you don’t like honesty, don’t keep reading.

The majority of women who read this blog are 25-35. Makes sense. This is the prime dating age for those who are considering marriage and children.

However, 25-35-year-old women are not my most common clients.

The Distinction Falls Into Two Separate Buckets

Women 35-45 who want to get married.

Women 45-60 who are divorced and starting over.

Ready for Lasting Love?
Ready for Lasting Love?

In fact, I probably have 10X more 50-year-old women than 30-year-old women. Why is that? Wouldn’t it stand to reason that the 30-year-old who really wants to get it right would hire a dating coach who specializes in helping women find lasting love?

In fact, most 25-35-year-olds are not taking dating very seriously at all. They are busy building their careers, traveling, expanding their brand, doing personal and professional development, and either not dating someone or dating the wrong men. Sure, they’ll Google me in the middle of the night and nod their heads, but they rarely invest in coaching because they feel like the supply of men is infinite, and they have time.

It’s not true

Older or 35-year-old men who want to get married are usually not looking for women 35-45. They want to date for two years, move in, get engaged, plan a wedding, travel, and after a honeymoon period, take the time to start a family and build a few years in between children. If that’s his plan, women his own age are out, and his dating pool will more likely be ages 25-34 than 35-45.

Check out men’s online search preferences and see for yourself. Furthermore, I was one of these guys. I met my wife in real life, she was three years older, and considering the age gap, I proposed after 16 months to ensure we had a chance at two kids. We were married a month before she turned 39, had two chemical pregnancies, two miscarriages, a fibroid surgery, and two kids (when she was 41 and almost 43).

In other words, do not try this at home. We got very lucky considering our age difference.

The Reason for This Long-Lead Today Is Two-Fold

  1. It’s to encourage 25-35-year-old women to act NOW instead of being forced to panic and invest in your future happiness when your options are fewer. You never have more dating power than when you’re in the age range of 25-35. Use it wisely.
  2. It’s to encourage everyone who is not of child-bearing age to consider busting outside your comfort zone – just like I did.

Most people search with arbitrary round numbers: 40-50, 45-55, and so on – as if there’s something magic about ten-year age differences or five-year age gaps. There’s not. 

Witness this OKCupid study from a few years back. 

Predictably, the dating site reports that:

“Men start 80% of conversations on OkCupid, and they tend to message younger women. The older men get, the younger the women they message (relative to their own age).”



“Women, on the other hand, message and respond most often to men about their own age. Once they reach 35, women actually respond more often to younger guys. But because men are usually the conversation starters, the older-man-younger-woman paradigm prevails.”


“When women make the first move, the age gap dating norm is reversed. A 40-year-old woman will have better luck messaging a 25-year-old man (60%) than a 55-year-old one (36% reply rate).”

This is what I teach my clients. Not to go full-on cougar but to initiate contact with age-appropriate men in a fun, confident fashion.

Whether you’re 40 and want to have a family or 55 and want to get remarried, you have about a 40% chance of getting a reply to your initial email. That’s WITHOUT a professional profile, professional photos, and a kick-ass email technique.

Now that you know you can meet the men you want, click here and I’ll show you how.