Why Do Women in Their 30s Not Want to Date Men in Their 40s?

Smiling mature couple standing together outdoors

I’m a 42 year old single male who recently left a 5 year relationship for various reasons, but mainly because I wanted kids and she did not. I thought that since I was an attractive, fit, well-educated, financially and emotionally secure guy that I would have no problem finding a woman in her mid 30s to settle down with and start a family. I have tried a combination of online dating, speed dating, professional singles events, volunteering, happy hours etc. and have had very few dates over the past year. I thought that online dating would be great since you are essentially pre-screening people for dates. I have found that I get no responses from any women online and the only women who respond to my ad are usually much older and don’t meet any of my criteria outlined in my profile.

I am told that women want to settle down and have kids, etc., but their actions seem to be to the contrary. At singles events, women come in groups and are reluctant to talk to men. In online situations, women say they want desperately to meet a nice guy like me, but never answer my response to their profile. I am trying to remain positive, but two things are really bothering me. One, that younger women are no longer interested in dating men who are even just slightly (3-5 years) older than them and sometimes want to date men 5-10 years younger then them. Two, women seem to be content in the fact that they are independent and self-sufficient and have a career, family and friends that fulfills them and don’t seem to be interested in truly finding a relationship. I find the latter hard to believe, but find this mantra in every profile of every professional woman online. Any advice on how to navigate these new paradigms in the dating world?


Dear Adam,

You came to the right place.

And to directly address your email, I have to divide my response into two different parts: 1) What You’re Getting Right and 2) What You’re Missing.

Let’s start with What You’re Missing. We’ll do What You’re Getting Right next week.

What you’re missing is that what you want has absolutely no relation to what women want. We’ve addressed this before, from an older man who couldn’t possibly fathom why a younger woman wouldn’t want to be with him. This isn’t all that much different. We can complain that the opposite sex is unrealistic and passing up great opportunities — and we’d be right — but it doesn’t change that people want what they want. It’s not fair. It’s not right. It just IS.

From 25-34, men play around a lot. Why? Because they can. They have a lot of dating options, they’re building their careers, and there isn’t a clear urgency to settle down.

Once a guy crosses 35, however, he (theoretically) tends to get more serious.

What you’re missing is that what you want has absolutely no relation to what women want.

Alas, the women with whom he wants to get serious are 27-34. This gives men time to court, fall in love, travel together, move in, get engaged, and enjoy a few years of childless marriage before starting a family.

The problem is that many women from 27-34 are independent professionals just like their male peers. They, too, have a lot of dating options, are busy building their careers, and don’t have a clear urgency to settle down.

Then she hits 35. Theoretically, this is when she starts to get more serious. This is also when all the problems start.

Because 35-40-year-old men who are ready to settle down still want to have time before becoming dads. Thus, their target market remains women, 27-34 – who may not be ready to settle down quite yet. These women still have money to make, places to travel and oats to sow.

The 35-40-year-old women who ARE ready for marriage, unfortunately, are roundly ignored by the men they desire — their 35-40-year-old peers. These women are youthful and find themselves far more attracted to men in their 30’s than their 40’s.

…the bigger takeaway is that ALL of us are very judgmental on age.

Which brings us to you, Adam. You say you’re looking for a woman in her mid-30’s. That’s perfectly fair. But if none of them are looking for you, your wheelhouse is going to be women in their late 30’s to early 40’s:

Find the people who want you. It’s the same exact advice I give to women in their early 40’s who want men in their early 40’s…except men in their early 40’s want women in their 30’s.

And around and around we go.

I’m being a bit unfair, Adam, because there IS a market for a 42-year-old man — and you can certainly be doing better than you’re currently doing. Pick up a copy of Finding The One Online  and it should make a difference. Seriously. But the bigger takeaway is that ALL of us are very judgmental on age. To a 34 year old woman, 42 sounds OLD. To a 42-year-old man who wants his own biological children, anything above 36 is getting into risky territory. The lesson to all of you younger readers: take your love life seriously when you turn 30, instead of waiting until you’re 35 or 40.

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  1. 1

    Great advice, Evan. I like the way you broke it down.

    I’m a 37 year old woman and have online dated off and on over the years. I’m attractive, fit, have a job, etc. I’ve never been married and do not have any kids. I’m looking for a LTR but with that said I’ m not willing to settle.

    I would date a 42 year old, not a problem, but as you say, men in their 40’s are looking for women who are in the 27-34 year old bracket.

    I do know when I was in my early 30’s, anyone in their 40’s seemed old to me! Funny how that works out.

    It’s been my experience that I seem to get alot of emails from the 50+ and over crowd. To be fair, I’m not looking to date my dad. Sorry!

    And like you said, round and round we go….

    1. 1.1
      Anthony Thomas (@djfourmoney)

      Because having children with a woman over 34 is risky and potentially expensive unless you’re health plan support reproductive health. I am 42 and while the women who stare at my profile are in their 40’s, they are 45-47, da fuc?  
        I have it clearly stated in my profiles I want to have children. I am not taking that medical risk.

      1. 1.1.1

        I am a 39 year old woman and I just have to say maybe you have all waited too long to have kids. I had kids in my 20’s now its time to kick back

        1. Kim

          This is the most helpful comment on here.   I am 34 and it is clear as daylight that waiting this long was a mistake and makes things harder…nkt impossible but harder.   Yet people constantly advise that you have all this time and to go galavanting all over the globe and this is fine UNLESS you know you want a family.   I am having a child on my own and I will tell her be married by 30 if you intend on having a family.   The reality is for the best outcome you dont have all day.

        2. Just me

          Agreed! I am 35 with a 11 year old and 4 year old. I do not care if you are Prince Charming…I am done with the baby stage. That ship has sailed.

        3. Frustrated

          Well lah di freaking day for you, goody two shoes. Did it ever occur to you that maybe some of us got jerked around and lied to for years??? We didn’t just get knocked up by accident to a random person, like you obviously did? Great. You got knocked up at 20. Gee, that’s something to brag about. While I was traveling and seeing the world, and studying and developing and living, you were babysitting. Awesome. I can still have kids, but you will never have the adventures I had. Priceless.

        4. Al

          Frustrated: Wow. That’s some vitriol there. I can see that you’re very unhappy, but it’s not everyone else’s fault you know. I’m one of those who got married and had kids in my (late) 20’s and I’m really grateful for that. BTW: I was “knocked” up by my husband, not some random guy and it was all carefully planned. I knew well that time to have babies was limited. Like many people, I’m now divorced and so am trying to navigate these strange new online dating rituals, but I’m not unhappy with my situation. Since my kids will be grown by my late 40s I will have plenty of time to go on those adventures you speak of. We all have to work with the real world, no matter how much we don’t like the way it works. I wish for a lot of things, but that won’t make them come true. The sad reality is that women were sold a false message that we could have it all. We were told it was OK to put off having children, that there would time for that later, after our careers were established. It wasn’t true and some of us recognized that. Now reality is catching up with those who either chose not to have kids early or simply didn’t have the opportunity. I really wish things were different and people weren’t in this predicament but that’s simply how it is.

        5. Nick

          Some times we can not control what is meant to be. I was a virgin until the age of 34. NOT by choice. I always had trouble getting girls / women intrested in me, and got rejected all my life… Now at age 43 I dont want kids. Women are still hard for me to get, but I quit trying 20 years ago..

        6. Of German descent

          Congrats and have fun. Not all of us have had the same experience.

        7. Beautiful at 40

          I just turned 40 and dated a 47 attractive guy who has never been married and never had children. We had the most amazing time and connection until I brought up the fact that I had my tubes tied after having my second son and he decided to end the relationship that was nearly staring becuase he wants children. I’m sorry but at 40 with a 19 year old and 15 years old sons I’M DONE with kids and ready to start living life again. WHY DO YOU WANT CHILDREN AT 47? and trade what I could have been a beautiful long lasting relationship for something that obviously wasn’t meant to be and it became an obsecion.

        8. Al

          Beautiful at 40: Don’t mourn losing that guy. He wasn’t the right match for you. He is chasing a dream that may be tough to achieve. Most of us in our 40s are in the same position as you. I can’t have any more kids but, even if I could, I’m done with that now.  Realistically speaking, he is going to have to find either a woman in her 40s who wants to have kids (not impossible for sure) or try to court a younger woman. Unless he has something very special that sets him above all the other men in their 30s and early 40s, younger women will likely reject him for guys closer to their own ages. He will learn one day that he needs to compromise on something somewhere.   You can go on to find a great divorced dad who’s kids are also on the way out of the nest.

        9. Tom10

          @ Al
          I doubt he’s actually chasing a dream. He most likely doesn’t want kids at all and just used her tubal ligation as an easy excuse to break it off, thereby turning it back on her. Beatiful at 40’s guy would have known from the very start that he’d have higher odds of having a kid with women in their 30s rather than 40s. In fact I reckon he saw it as temporary thing from the very outset.
          At his age I would surmise that he doesn’t actually want kids at all, unless…he met a ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ woman. Beautiful at 40 was just unlucky to get caught up with him and not be able to suss him out properly.

        10. Jack

          alert, that’s so great that everything worked out perfectly for you.   You’re obviously better than everyone else.

          I’m a 42 year old man who still wants desperately to have children.   I searched throughout my 20s for a woman.   It’s like that episode of Seinfeld, “When they like you, you don’t like them.   When you like them, they don’t like you.”   Finally when I turned 30, I found a girl, fell in love, and got married.

          But I made a stupid mistake.   I never sat down and looked her in the eye and said, “I’m not marrying anyone unless we agree to have children.”   I never had that conversation.   I never even thought of it.   I mean, what were we getting married for?   Of course we would have children…or so I thought.

          My best friend told me years later he DID have that exact conversation with his wife.   She wanted to marry him very badly, and he told her to forget about it unless she gave him a child.   Seems so FREAKING SIMPLE in hindsight.   Biggest regret of my life, not having that conversation with my ex-wife.

          So this animal wasted my 30s, divorced me, and now here I am.   I still want my own children.   And as a 42 year old man, I have all the problems that were covered in this article.

          So should I give up now? Because I “waited too long”.   So, it’s time to just give up according to you, alert.   All of us in the same boat should just wait around to die now, because alert is so much smarter than us, and she says we waited too long.   SHE didn’t wait too long, because she’s the next Einstein, and we are all so stupid.

          That’s why there were so many angry responses to alert’s post.   It is not constructive in any way.   It is designed to be hurtful, to say “I told you so”, and is an attempt to talk down to people and rub our problem in our faces.

          All I can say is never give up.   Last year, I dated a girl who was 22 years old, nearly half my age.   These girls are out there.   They aren’t easy to find, but they’re out there.

          Never give up.   I won’t and neither should any of you.   In fact, I only wanted one or two children, but now I’m going to have 3 just to spite this “alert” person.

        11. Norbert

          @Jack. You are spot on with your comment. It’s funny how it is the women (alert & just me) who are paying out everyone.

          Just food for thought, it is the women who control reproduction, not men. If a woman says no, I don’t want kids, than there will be no kids, even if a guy wants one. So women have the key. It’s easy for a woman to point the finger. It is a typical woman’s spiteful comments. No wonder most women in the work place for example don’t get along with each other. Most women I have worked with always wanted to work with us men.

          To be honest, I hear the same mantra from some of my colleagues who have grown up children and they are only in their late 30’s, “I am glad I had kids so young, I wouldn’t have kids if I were over 35”.   One of them was aiming her comments at me being 34. Also, that one colleague now has moved back home to her mum, at 39, she kicked her son out as he is 21. She is single now, never married, lives at home with her mum. Wow how awesome, she had her son young but has nothing to show for it. All she has now is living at home with her mum, no bloke on the horizon and works as a PA.

          It’s funny how it always comes out of the mouths of women, this type of talk. Especially, since they know they control reproduction. Also, the way some of my colleagues comments come across like they never really wanted children and don’t love them. I never heard this type of comment from my mother. Mind you, I am not from a Western culture as I am Eastern European. We have slightly different values.

          I can also say, all throughout my 20’s I wanted children, but none of the women I dated did. I have several degrees, own two homes, two cars, citizen of four different countries, lived on 4 different continents, just launching my own company with approx  £1million pound investment and I am only 34. Luckily I am married now, and me and my wife are desperately trying for a child. Unfortuntely, she has suffered from bad fibroids in the womb all her life.

          The point is, stop judging everyone else, when clearly as women, you are in control when and if you have children, NOT THE MEN!

        12. AllHeart81

          @ Jack – You made sure to brag about the age of the woman you dated last year.   And yet, you comment on   things designed to be hurtful or to rub things in each other’s faces. Honestly, you hardly have to date 22 year olds to find someone to have children with.   You should have kids if that’s what you want. It sounds like both you and your ex-wife made mistakes. There are many women in the same position as you, if you have the heart to look at women the same way you look at men. Just educate yourself about your own body and paternal age affects on children. Women are very aware of their age when it comes to children. But it benefits men themselves to be more aware of how their paternal age can affect their own off-spring. Again, I’m not saying you shouldn’t have kids. You should if you want them. But please show women the same kind of kindness you’d like for yourself.  

          Norbert – Can you see how strange it is that you wrap up your comments by telling others not to judge but your entire post is nothing but some terrible judgements on women?  

          Men have as much autonomy as any other human being when it comes to children. Any individual woman or man has a say in when and if they have children. And any individual woman or man sometimes encounters things that are out of their control. But men are not magically less autonomous here just because they don’t actually birth babies. Everyone as choices. And no, women don’t have the ‘key’.  

          Your judgements against women shines through though when you say things like “typical women’s spiteful comments”. If you want women to like you, you actually have to like women. Further upholding an equally terrible idealology that women don’t like each other or can’t get along and only like men clearly furthers your own agenda of spreading hate against women. And it’s not even true because women form very deep networks of friendships and support. I was infact must disgusted by your belief that most women don’t get along in the workpalce (false) or that women only want to work with you men. Could you be more degrading toward women?  

          There is nothing wrong with you having kids after 34. I’m 34 too and I’m open to having kids. I would never been able to handle kids in my early 20s. So while it may have been the right choice for some, I know it wouldn’t have been the right one for me. And that I will be a better Mom now then I would have been when I was younger.  

          I have no clue why you feel the need to tear down this 39 year old mum just because she said that to you. Are you not engaging in the same behavior she was by tearing someone else down for their choices? Maybe her and her mum are really close? Maybe she isn’t looking for a man to have in her life. But you didn’t like it when she critized your choices so perhaps you shouldn’t do the same thing to her you didn’t want done to you.

          Another comment of yours that is very telling about your judgement is this statement, “it’s funny how it always comes out of the mouths of women…” I mean..come on. You’re just being massively prejudice and upholding some terrible falsehoods about women.  

          Perhaps the issue is that women can tell you fundamentally just don’t like them as people. You may be attracted to women, you may love them or want to sleep with them, but you do not have a fundamental respect, true appreciation of or like for women. And it shines through in the way you choose to talk about women here. Women want to be with men that truly like them. It doesn’t matter how many degrees you have or houses or whatever nonsense about money…women want to be with men that truly like them.  

          Perhaps you hsould take your own advice..stop judging everyone..ontop of blaming women for the outcome of your own life.  

        13. Lisa

          Exactly!   I’m a 38 year old woman but I don’t want kids never did.   When I online dated in my late 20s early 30s the thought of dating a man over 40 was creep city to me no way I would have done it!   Most of the ladies I know in that age range now feel the same.   Guys sorry but for the most part women that young looking at you are looking for money and such and although all men are different as a woman of 38 I can tell you sexually men over 40 and certainly 45 struggle to keep up with me now I can’t imagine at 30.   So while fertility may be an issue for women sexuality because one for men!   Women want it more and men can provide it less.    I tend to date men who have kids and are not looking for more because I too get a lot of well I want kids you are too old.   Hello you are 45 and looking to have a baby?   Even though physically it may be possible is it a good idea?      I dunno.    Men play around a ton in their 30s.   If kids are a priority to you men you really need to look for this in your 30s as well.

        14. amaryllis

          @alert 1.1.1: LOL. I couldn’t have said it better.

          I started dating seriously since age 26 and I’m now 31 and still no luck with love. I’m aware that I’ll probably have better luck with older men but anyone over 49 makes me feel like I’m dating an uncle. I want what I want. So, 29-49 year olds: watch out for me!!!

        15. Lisa

          Spot on alert.    I think men think they have their entire lives to have kids and don’t really focus on it until this age then look around and no one in child bearing years is interested in them.

        16. Jason

          Alert,that is just bad,you had children in 20’s   because it wasn’t   planned.

        17. Hardtruth9182

          No one should be burdened with kids. To the OP I honestly recommend do not be fooled into having kids, you will never be as happy as you were before parenthood. You’re 42, you should have multiple women at the moment and sex and excitement whenever you desire, not the burden of parenthood.

      2. 1.1.2
        Alanna Lewis

        so I just read that comment about black women. Guess what I am a 34 year old black woman from the Caribbean never had children looking for a man in that age group that doesn’t have children but it seems an exercise in futility.

        1. Alanna Lewis

          even the men in their 20’s have at least one chile father (baby mama)  

        2. James Brew

          Hi Alanna.
          I’m 39. No children. I’m successful and looking. Who knows, there may be a spark even if through a comment 🙂

      3. 1.1.3

        To be honest, I think you may have waited a little too long to have children. I’m 26 and I view men over 35 as a huge risk factor – autism, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and severe genetic mutations are common in men over 35. I would recommend that you adopt, for the health of your children, but even then, at 42, you would be 65 by the time your kids graduate from college! I know it’s hard, but I suppose you can adopt children around 7, 8? or Foster?

        1. topogigio

          Yes, I was thinking the same thing, Melanie.   This dude is way off base.   The liklihood of a child having the problems you mention, particularly bipolar, skyrocket when bio dad is over 40.   Funny how how seems to ignore this and just expects the girls to come flocking.   As for me, I’m 40 and had a baby with a guy 10 yrs. YOUNGER than me at age 38.   Perfectly healthy child, bright, vigorous and healthy.   I don’t get why these guys don’t see that women are looking for the same thing: younger.   Personally, I do it because younger men like me far more than older.   I regularly get hit on by hotties who are many years younger than me but it seems like slimy 50-year-old guys believe I should feel lucky that they’re even talking to me. Delusional jerks!

        2. Jeffrey

          Im with Topogigio. When I see an older woman with a younger man, my first instinct is to HighFive both of them! Im all about it, thats why I dont know why there is so much hatred for the opposite.
          I also like the fact that the the woman is someone who I would not date, and the young guy is competition. So Im happy when both are removed from the dating pool.
          Cougar on……  

        3. Lisa

          There are many more illnesses associated with men 40+. Some researchers are recommending men freeze their sperm if they haven’t had children by age 35.
          Half of all cases of Down Syndrome are linked to men 40 and over. The first major study of its kind found the reason for the big increase in DS among women 35 and over is partly because they are frequently partnered with men 40 and over.

        4. jimbo

          Topogigio, dating sites are full of women like you who like to brag about younger men wanting them so bad. Clearly, you are insecure with yourself and need reassurance that men still find you attractive. Here (tossing you a biscuit) have a biscuit.  

        5. Martin

          I am not up on all of the other problems and the numbers but as for Autism the increase in likelihood is less than 1% If I recall it is .6% if the father is over 50. AND! AND,  it does not seem to factor if the mother is under 35. It is when the father and mother are older and then it was stated less than 1%

        6. Johnny D

          I’m 26 and I view men over 35 as a huge risk factor — autism, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and severe genetic mutations are common in men over 35.
          There are many more illnesses associated with men 40+. Some researchers are recommending men freeze their sperm if they haven’t had children by age 35.
          Half of all cases of Down Syndrome are linked to men 40 and over.

          Folks, what Lisa and Melanie both overlook is what Lisa uncovered herself:

          “women 35 and over”

          Lets not magically forget here that most 35+ men aren’t dating/procreating drastically younger women.

          Basic genetics (yeah, study up) tells you that the risk is much HIGHER on the woman’s end because she’s got the same eggs she’s had since birth and they don’t get any younger. Men, on the other hand, produce sperm basically for life and the defective sideways swimmers don’t win the races that matter.

        7. Norman

          I think you really have to look at the percentages/chances of these disorders.   My 2 brothers and I were born to a father of older than 37 and a mother older than 39. We are all normal and have university education and professional degrees.   None of us have ad any major illness.   Im sure glad my mother didnt think like you!

        8. JennLee

          You might find this interesting.   It is a recent 2012 research study, and this is the final sentence in the very last section titled, “Perspectives and Conclusions.”   Note the entire focus is on the paternal risk.
          “Unusually, humans represent in many ways the ideal “model” organism to study these ultrarare mutational processes.”
          So the truth is, it is more of an excuse than a legitimate reason for anyone, man or woman, to exclude a member of the opposite sex, based on age.   Marry somebody because you love them, and only for that reason.   Any other reason is not a healthy reason to marry.

        9. kai

          I take it your sourcing your information from Wikipedia?
          Over 35???

        10. Alfred

          The only study that I am aware of that mentions these risks is from Iceland where people are very closely genetically related (their family lineage goes back to the Viking era). I have also heard that young people in Iceland use an app to track family lineage, before ‘hooking up’ and dating. So it could you be that younger men are actively avoiding women that they are related to.  Having children with someone who is very genetically similar to you increases the risk of birth defects.  So I would take these findings with a grain of salt.

          Just look for someone  cares for you, is open to have kids and is ambitious enough to be able to provide for a child.



        11. Jack

          Another one of these dopey comments about waiting too long.

          Are you advocating rape?   Because I keep seeing all these comments about waiting too long, but I thought it took two to tango and I needed a willing partner to have a child.   I didn’t know it was as simple as “waiting too long”, and I should just impregnate a woman on the very day I decide to do it.   I think in some parts of the 3rd world, they still buy and sell girls like cattle.   I’ll look into that.

          Is this the new excuse now?   That men over 40 have retarded babies?

          I think the real retards are the women writing these posts.

          PLEASE GOD…let me be a fly on the wall when these younger men leave these women because the women get too old.

          “And around and around we go.”


        12. Jack

          Pregnancy and you blog

          How old is too old to have a baby?
          By Mary M. Murry, R.N., C.N.M. March 27, 2008

          When I had my first child I was 32 years old and considered an “elderly primip.” I felt I was in the prime of life, certainly not elderly.

          About 14 percent of births in the United States are to women 35 and older. Now they are considered advanced maternal age. What does that mean exactly?

          I thought I would tackle the issues of advanced maternal age in two parts. Today I will talk about conception and early pregnancy. I will cover more of the possible issues of late pregnancy in women over 35 if you are interested. My goal is not to make light of the potential issues but rather put them in perspective.

          Women over 35 may take longer to be able to conceive. This is related to those eggs we have had since birth. We don’t make new eggs as men make new sperm. Our eggs are with us almost from conception. They don’t always age well. They can lose quality and there can be fewer of them. This is one reason to seek help from your health care provider if you have been unable to achieve pregnancy after trying for 6 months.

          There is an increase in spontaneous miscarriage with an approximate risk of 25 percent in women age 35-39 and 51 percent in women 40-44. If you look at this another way, women 35-39 have a 75 percent chance of not having a miscarriage.

          The concern many women over 35 hear about most often is Down Syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities. At 35 a woman’s risk of any clinically significant chromosome abnormalities is about 1 in 200. Her risk of a baby with Down Syndrome is about 1 in 365. In other words, the odds of having an absolutely normal baby would be about 99.34 percent.

          I haven’t answered the question of how old is too old because I don’t think there is one answer. There are so many positive things about having children when we are older and yet the increased risks are real. Learn as much as possible and if and when you get pregnant, rejoice!


          Mary M. Murry, R.N., C.N.M.

        13. Trey

          The risk factor for men for over 35 is not same for women over 35. Most men are still fertile at 42, while most women are not. And for women at 40 to get pregnant, the chances of the baby getting Down’s Syndrome is 1-100.

        14. AllHeart81


          A little research would give you a lot of information about men’s contribution and risk of medical issues through conception.

          Actually, men at 42 are not as fertile as younger men. Neither do they offer as quality sperm. If you want children and are older, you should have them. But you should also be aware of the risks. And women should be aware of the risks of having children with older men. Just like men are aware of the risks of having children with older women.
          Worldwide data from more than 60 teams of researches on health risks associated with older fathers discovered that men over the age of 35 (which i personally find to be young for a man or woman yet biology clearly doesn’t) had a 50% lower chance of conceiving over a 12-month period compared with men 25 and under. Even after taking into account the age of the would be mother. Meaning, marrying a younger women did not increase an older man’s ability to conceive or magically mitigate risk.  

          The risk of miscarriage and premature birth rises once a man is over the age of 40. With men over 50, a pregnancy was twice as likely to end in the loss of a baby vs younger fathers.  

          Men over 40 increased their daughter’s chance of having breast cancer by 60%, increased their off spring’s risk to epilespy, down’s syndrome and childhood leukaemia. Older father’s also increased their children’s likehood of nervous system cancers 70%.  
          Older fathers also increase the risk of autism and shizophrenia in children. They are also responsible for genetic disorders. Men over 50 where 8 times more likely to produce children with dwarfism.  
          Because a man’s sperm cell continually divide over the course of his life, the DNA is broken down over time and genetic mutations and unhealthy cells exist more strongly in older sperm. There is no shame in any of this. But I do believe men ignore their own reproductive responsibility and blame women for the brunt of the responsibility when medical science is discovering that men are major contributing factors to issues in children. Biology did not create a system where older men where the prime sexual partners. It did create a system that would protect the species from extinction. But since younger men still exist in droves, younger men, just like younger women, are the prime sexual partners. Older men, just like older women, are not.  

          Women are very aware of how being older affects potential off spring. This is a regular conversation a woman’s primary doctor have with us. However, there is not enough conversation and information given to men about how their age affects children as well. Men want to believe that they are 100% perfect sexual mates until old age when it’s not true. A woman has a much better chance of having healthy children with younger men, than older men.  
          HOpe this helps you.

        15. Trey

          AllHeart81-I never said men over 40 were just as fertile as men in their 20s, I was they are much more fertile than women who are the same agre. Women and men’s biological clocks are not the same. Women have it much worse, because they fertility goes down quite a bit in their 30s, while’s most men’s fertility goes down a little. And also the age of both men and woman counts as well. And those studies about breast cancer risk for fathers in conclusive and best on the sources I’ve read. Over 40 can include father’s in the 50s, 60s, and 70s as well, so it’s not conclusive that is 40 is two-thirds more likely to have daughter than a 20 year old. And even it is true, the odds are still slim.

        16. Trey

          Pardon my grammar errors. Iphone problems.

        17. AllHeart81

          Trey, you summed up your perspective when you said, “women have it much worse….” That isn’t a comment based in truth nut one based on your prejudices against women. And with that comment, it is more obvious you aren’t here to support women in finding love but to attempt to bring them down. You are not even accurately citing actual facts about men’s biology, choosing to hold tight onto your fantasy of what you want your’s and other men’s biological worth to be vs the reality of what medical science proves to be true about the reprocusions of older men being irresponsible in farthering children.

          But regardless of this debate, you should ask yourself what your intentions are in even being here. The women here want to find love with men that honor and respect us. We don’t need men like you here who are only looking to devalue our worth and make us feel like we are undeserving of love with our peers because men like you are looking to feel superior over women. If you aren’t here to be helpful toward women, you don’t need to be here. This isn’t an MRM website where we need men hating on us. This is a website women come to because they want love. Because they love men. We don’t need to here about all the ways men like you devalue us. And if you aren’t here to help women do that, to find love, then you are here for the wrong reasons. Women are people. And it would be nice if you treated us like that instead of trying to exploit some misguided competition because of your desire to prove you are better simply because you are a man.

        18. Trey

          Wait a minute. Pointing out that women biologically have it worse when it comes to fertility than men is somehow hateful towards women. Even when you look at sources about men’s biological clocks, they still pale in comparison. That’s not sexism, that just acknowledging reality. You are entitled to your own opinion, but not your own facts.


        19. AllHeart81

          I will say it again because you choose to ignore the point of this website. This website doesn’t exist for you to respond to every woman here trying to solidify your own imagined genetic legacy, and the legacy of you elderly father (your poor Mom), because you don’t believe women of all ages are deserving of love. If your purpose here is not to help women, and based on your responses, it isn’t, you have no place here. Because that is what this website is about. If you want to get into debates that self-serve your own unrealistic, fantasy based ideology about your male prowess, you certainly have a million other spaces where you can spend all the time you need to sprouting false facts about biology and telling yourself all kinds of false things to make yourself feel good. The women here do not exist so that you can feel like you have female attention to spread your negativity and dislike for the female gender. The women here do not exist to be your sounding board in discrediting women’s worth so you can feel better about the women who have rejected you in real life. The women here do not exist to be walking wombs to carry on your genetic line. We are human beings deserving of love, kindness, compassion and respect. The women here are looking to find love with good men who honor, respect and care about women. They are not here so insecure guys can pontificate about their own imaged prowess and play truly horrible games of imagin d biological competion.

          So if you aren’t here to help women find love, you aren’t here for the right reasons. And if you aren’t here for the right reasons, that means you are only here for your own self serving needs. And we don’t need that here. We need good men here. Men who really have a pure intention to help.mWe are looking for love. Let us do that. And you are more than free to find websites that align with you ideology and where you can spend all day long talking on the internet about your imagined biological superiority.

        20. nick vog

          Not sure how old this post is, but I know dozens of men over 35/40 who had their first child over that age and they turned out more than perfect.   My mother was 47 when I was born, and my father 57….I’m 48 now with ZERO health issues, and in fact in better physical condition than most 20 year old men.

        21. Kent

          I’m 37. I had my first girlfriend at 30. She was 22. We love kids, both of us would make good parents. But I’m not ready to start a family, not yet. I didn’ spend my 20’s having sex or girlfriends, so I don’t want to start a family yet. I want to fully experience a relationship, sex and all the other wonderful things. If I started a family now, I would not be happpy. Also, our relationship has had it’s problems, so everything has kind of been put on hold. I told her that despite being together for many years, we still have alot of things to do, seperate and together. We don’t own a house or make enough money to support a child, not like I want to support a child anyway. I don’t want my kid to miss out on things because we can’t afford things. She has started her own business, now 29 years old. She is not ready to have kids, so it works out for both of us. To me age is irellevant. Where I am at in my life matters more. I am not your average man with the standard values and expectations everyone else have. For me there is no age limit for anything. I don’t feel I am left behind or anything. To me this is the best thing for me. People tend to think what is best for them is also best for everyone else. David Letterman got his firs child after 50. Mick Jagger just became a dad and he is 73. Don’t listen to what soeciety tells you to do. Listen to your heart. If you are 45 and want a child, then that’s what you should do. What anyone else thinks doesn’t matter, because they don’t know what is best for you, only themselves.

        22. AllHeart81

          Kent, clearly age matters to you because you choose to be with a woman almost a decade younger than you. Then you use examples of wealthy elderly men who had children with much younger women. So obviously this isn’t about age not mattering for everyone but the continued belief that men don’t want their age specifically to matter to women while guys want to maintain the privilege of most certainly qualify women’s worth based on their ages. This isn’t a website for you though. It’s a website for women. You are either here to support women or support your own agenda. Everything you said this far is about supporting your own agenda of women settling for older men.

          I am sorry, I know it’s not fun being held to standards men held women to since the dawn of time, but your age matters. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have kids but to pretend that the quality of men’s sperm as they age isn’t a factor or is simply a minimal factor, is based in ego, not reality. Autism is on the rise and has been linked to older fathers. Among many other diseases. It’s great that you only know such wonderfully healthy men that beat the statistics but it is not based in the reality. Please have children when you want. But stop trying to convince women to be with older men when you most certainly would never pick an older women to be with. Especially older men who are not taking the balk of the finiancial burden. Which should be the pay off in being with an older man.

        23. Rabbi Pepe

          OMG that was one study from Sweden…. from Sweden. The laughing stock of the planet. Men over 40 have been having kids for literally hundreds of years. If you have the money and healthy lifestyle there is little to evidence to support Mel’s claim. Work hard and get your lady like we always have. There is literally little to no evidence to support the above claims. Woman will of course clamour to this one paper because it makes them feel better because they have problems in their 40s having kids. It is PC bullshit.

        24. sowhat

          MelanieB – This is a ridiculous comment on many levels. Firstly, genetic mutations are there whether you are 21 or 35. And you can get screened. And so what about being 65 when kids graduate? You are more financially stable to be able to help support them and prevent them getting into ridiculous levels of debt.

        25. Matt Selvy

          You people are all so full of crap There are many women and men OVER 40 who have their first child and nothing is wrong with it. Listen to all the “research” non-sense you want, but these are also the same idiots telling parents not to discipline their 10 year old child for punching mom in the face and then the kids grows up to beat and rape women. F! the researchers and the stupidity that goes with it.

      4. 1.1.4

        You are assuming thier will be a medical risk. Alot of women can   have healthy babies until 50! Its true my relatives did.

        1. Johnny

          What procedures were involved? What cost? The likelihood of a 42-year old woman having a child naturally is about 1.3%.

        2. Karem

          That is true!!, my syster has naturally my niece with no treatment and nothing whatsoever at 44, my niece is  5 years old now!! happy , healthy.. Things have changed!!. we are not  on past  70′ anymore.. now women can have babies with not -special treatment-.. I have a close friend as well, she is 43 had twins 2 years ago. She is now pregnant again!! guess what ? without any treatment…

          stop saying that 1% of this is real… now we are a number! we are human as you are. Who has the phone number of this 42 frustraded man.. I am 40, healthy, wanting to have a relationaship, have kids.. etc.. But you excluded us already looking for a young girl.. so seat comfortable and wait!! until   I get 41!

        3. Jennyct

          You’re right. I was 41.

        4. nick vog

          ummm Johnny my mother had her FIRST child at 47, and on one of her first attempts….and my dad was 57….my other half siblings are at least 20 years older.

      5. 1.1.5

        Anthony-   You are a 42 man that wants children.   There are also 42 year old women that want children.   What do you think of these women?   I’m going to guess you think if they wanted children, they should have had them earlier.   Well, guess what, IT GOES BOTH WAYS!

        You have had decades to have children and decided not to up until this point.   Just because you want to have children now doesn’t mean that the universe owes it to you.   

        Some men seem to think that women have to have children before 30, but men can mess around until they’re well into their 40s and 50s + to have kids.   But that is simply not reality.   There are many problems associated with men having children over 40 no matter the woman’s age: decreased fertility, significant increases in many diseases/disorders, and the fact that the man may not have the energy/be around long enough to take care of the children.

        But here’s the more relevant point to this article:   most women under 34 don’t want to have kids with some 42 year-old dude who was so immature and ambivalent about having a wife and children that he put it off forever, when they could be with a guy their own age!!   

        Unfortunately, this message is a little late for you.   But someone should be telling this to younger men in their 20s and 30s: If you seriously want to have children you have to get your “stuff” together, grow up, and start taking it seriously just like women have to.

        -An under 34 year-old woman who would never think of dating a 40+ guy.

        1. Marty

          it has been my experience that most women from there mid twenties on up that are single already have children and I do not believe that I need to bring any more into this world I have no children I can love someone else’s children just as much as my own no matter the age of the woman or the child and there are helping the fax throughout all h is of man and women as far statistics your research goes they say wolves don’t attack people that’s been proven wrong another thing I’ve noticed drop my life and I am 40 + is people in general man and women seem to want what they cannot have and the more they can not have it the more they want it and I believe the gentlemen’s issue in discussion he said she did not want to have kids and I am 44 years old and an extremely good shape I can out work out hike out hunt the majority of men in their 20s I have spent my life building strength they have just begun.

        2. Mat


          You’re so close minded, there are so many kinds of +40 men and women. I’m 41, I’m fitter that I have ever been, when people meet me they think I’m 35 at the most, I’m a triathlete and documentary photographer, spend my time doing what I love and truly young at heart. When I meet someone I don’t care what the hell their age is, I just try to discover who they are, and if I’m attracted to them nothing else matters, couldn’t care less if they’re younger or older

        3. Taylor

          For one thing fertility is not as big of issue for men. Based on some age studies I have looked on IVF sites, most women are infertile by age 42, most men are not. While I understand your point about he waited too late, I wouldn’t shame the guy because he wants his own kids. The universe does owe him kids, but he doesn’t any dates to women his age either. And the stats on diseases linked to older men are still inconclusive on how much the diseases are a result of the men’s sperm, so be careful with trying to scare people with studies that maybe a bit overhyped.

        4. Daniel Marks

          What rubbish.Under 34 women dating 40+ men is not even remotely uncommon.In fact most women are around 7 years younger than their partner on average.Do you really think a 34 year old woman has so many options that they can shun a man because he is   6 years past his prime?

        5. Emily, the original


          In fact most women are around 7 years younger than their partner on average.

          No, it’s just a couple of years, even for second marriages.

      6. 1.1.6

        Men 40 and over are at a higher risk for children with several different mental and physical disorders, Many women in their 30s know this and are probably reluctant to date in your age group.
        Half of all cases of Down Syndrome are linked to men 40 and over according to the first major study of its kind. (Columbia Univ, 2003).
        A study in England found women aged 35 paired with men aged 40 were 50% less likely to conceive compared with women paired with a man 10 years younger. The Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children found men who were ideal physical candidates and had more sex than the average middle aged man were still 35% less fertile by age 40. A study in Hull, England found the average time it takes a 40 year old to get   a woman pregnant is 2 years, regardless of the woman’s age. Another study found for men 45 and over, it’s 2 1/2 years.
        Even studies on mice and in some fertility clinics found a 40-50% drop in fertility for men aged 40 and increased miscarriage rates.

        1. Johnny

          You know most of those 40+ men are dating 35+ women, right?

          That would be the REAL reason that women are having difficulty conceiving. Not the man himself.

        2. Al

          Yeah  Johnny, Oh course, it’s ALWAYS the woman’s fault, right? It’s not at all conceivable that a man might lose HIS fertility as well as he ages. Pulease. Time catches up with  men too, as much as they  would like to deny it has any effect on them. You may think you are as attractive to those 25 and 30 year old hotties as their peers but it just ain’t so unless you are extremely good looking or have a big … bank account. For all those average men who waiting too long and now feel entitled to a cute young “breeder,” dream on. There are still plenty of 25 to 35 year old guys out there that are more appealing to those women. Wake up and find someone closer to your OWN age!!!

        3. The Dude

          Seems like you found a reason that’s not the reason there Lisa. Stop telling people that. The real reason is that women want the man-deal. Or what they think is the man-deal. Have your cake and eat it too. Bang whoever they want with no strings or responsibility. Make lots of money, drive fancy cars, live in the big house, own their own company. Etc. Etc. Etc. Simply put, they want to be men.

      7. 1.1.7

        I want to have family and kids too. I am 31 years now and i tried online dating before and found some guys in their 38-42 who still not looking for serious relationship. And I got confuse….  

        1. jimbo

          I find that Asian women are usually looking for sugar daddies.  

        2. muller smith

          Hello ladie, I grew up in in UNITED STAE OF AMERICA and i speak two languages including English. I would not date someone whom I do not understand even if she is cute. (I would probably learn her language because there is no working relationship without communication. I am in the same boat as the original writer. I’ll turn 38 this year may. I look a lot younger, I am fit, have a good job. I am not looking for a 25 year old, they are immature, sometimes if I open the door or pull out the chair for them they look surprised, they do not get it. Obviously looking for somebody older, mid 30’s to 45 maybe. I think finding someone close to my years and older than is a realistic goal. However I have zero luck even though I live in San Diego, California where one would think opportunity is everywhere. i tend to agree with some of comments here that said women in their mid 30’s just do not want to date anyone “whose age starts with a 4”³. I do not discriminate based on race or having children because I adopt to these . My experience supports this theory too.

        3. lisalin

          Wow, I’m posting for you, Dewi, because others  have injected their personal hatreds without really reading what you wrote.

          If you read up a little higher, you will see mention of young women not wanting to date older guys who didn’t get their act together sooner. (I might also add: gross  to be creeped on by older dudes,  but that’s beside the point.) These older guys are still not looking for a serious relationship because they likely never will. It was not in their nature earlier and still won’t be in another 10 or 20 years. Ignore them. Continue looking for the 1 or 2 decent guys near your own age who want what you do, marriage and kids. Don’t stop until you find it!

        4. amaryllis

          Sorry to hear that! I feel ya *hugs*

        5. Willie

          I am single, 41. The big temptation at this point, is to say ‘why do i need a partner’? Life is so exciting travelling the world and acting like I am young again. I am experiencing a mid-life revival where my health is great, I feel 21 again, and it is easy for me to get distracted by the many good things of this world.   We can become so obsessed with qualifying for eligibility, i.e. being attractive, financially secure, healthy etc, that we forget why we were doing it, and get distracted by the fact that, “hey, now that I qualify, I feel like I can do better than  the person I was trying to woo in the first place”.

          Women have such high expectations of men. Modern feminists have a lot to answer for. They overcompensated for years of oppression by devaluing men and overselling the power of women to the extent that the social mirror for women these days shames women who want to be stay-home moms. Women now are expected to be career girls, smarter than men, ‘Independant women’. And if you want kids or unexpectedly get ‘knocked up’, you have to become supermoms.

          That expectation was created by feminists. Who said “women should not settle for being slaves in the kitchen”. Now the majority of women can’t cook, are reluctant mothers and value their careers more than love. Or so the social mirror compels them.

          I just want someone committed to the relationship more than committed to self. Because this era is defined by the phrase ‘what do I get out of this?’ We were created differently for a reason. Because both genders have inherent traits that benefit family-making. When both work together, harmony and nirvana are achieved. The problem today is that people are too committed to getting what they want.

          If people would only focus on making each other happy, then all would be well. You wade through trials together and grow together. People only grow apart because they get selfish. We have forgotten the pleasure of making our lover laugh or feel loved. Of conquering obstacles side-by-side. Rather than resenting the other’s different dream or opinions we should help the other achieve their dreams. We tend to stress over anything that doesn’t go to plan these days.

          As the Beatles said “All you need is love”. But they left out the part where unselfishness is the segway to love. You feel better telling your loved one how good they are each day than moaning about how they messed up your plans.



        6. Rani

          Indonesian ? same here 😉
          sadly, i’m not living in the US.

      8. 1.1.8
        Anthony Thomas (@djfourmoney)

        Almost 3 year later and I am still hearing from American Feminist on this issue. The truth is that ship hasn’t sailed, maybe only if you consider woman from Western Society but even then it hasn’t sailed.

        Why? With high unemployment since the financial crisis has been locked into normalcy fewer and fewer men have the means to have finance rising a family by typical middle class standards which in Western terms is somewhere around $100,000 a year (2 parents, 2 kids, typical trappings).

        Which is why expatriation has become my number #1 priority. Women can go-on assuming I lack tact or some other social skill in order to attach the opposite sex. My skill set is not on trial here. What is; my opinion that older women still have more value than younger women which is a fabrication of Western media.

        Western internet dating sites are dominated by women between 34-50 years of age. Around 1/4 of them never been married while the rest are in it for try number #2, after tossing their starter husband to the side.

        Go ahead and continue to assume I am social inept or a loser because the reality is, I have removed myself from the US/EU dating market. The only thing I have left to do which I haven’t felt pressured to do is close my various accounts. Actually there’s a reason for this that I won’t get into.

        1. starthrower68

          Really? You can’t stand *old Western* women? Thanks for clearing that up, as based on your old posts, I sure was confused. 😏

        2. Joseph

          Anthony is spot on.   Nice post, mate.

        3. AllHeart81

          Anthony, considering your derogatory opinion of women over the age of 34, I don’ think women are going to feel they are missing out on you if you decide to move to another country. Women want to be with men that like them and respect them. I don’t see anything your post that indicates that you actually really like or respect women. Perhaps only when they are 20. But that’s not truly liking or respecting women. And yes, that is your personal issue, not women who are single and over the age you have set in your own head where they lack worth.

          And Joseph, why would you support an individual that wants to devalue an entire group of people based any factor related to their skin color, creed or age? To things they don’t actually control? You do understand that devaluing entire groups of people based on race and religion is no different from doing it based on age yes?   Since your target of choice is women, why would you support another man in his degradation of women? Do you enjoy degrading women too?

        4. pat

          Wow, there’s a lot of clueless older men here that will probably never find love.   There’s a lot more to relationships and marriage than just the age of your bride. Things like loyalty, maturity, consideration and compatibility are actually more important to marriage.   But if all you care about is how young the woman is, you’re probably never going to get married or have a lasting marriage anyway.

          Two of my friends had miscarriages in their mid-20s and another friend gave birth to an autistic baby at 24.   Obviously, this is anecdotal, but the point is that percentages and statistics are not absolutes.   If you are exclusively looking for a 20-something year old bride, because you think she’ll give you healthy babies, without fail, you might be very disappointed when she doesn’t.   You might also be disappointed when she rather go out clubbing than stay home and cook you dinner.   Or how she doesn’t want to take you to your colonoscopy.   Or how she doesn’t want to take care of you when you get prostate cancer, because she’s still young and wanting to have her fun.   But more realistically, she won’t want anything to do with you, because most young women don’t want to date old dudes (over 35).

        5. Alpha Bat

          Dating site users are predominantly male. Women are harassed off those sites, and are  capable of  dating IRL, so maybe the remaining ones are those that fit into the 35+ category that even older men think are unappealing.

          Apps like Tinder are also more attractive for younger men and women. Sites like OKCupid and PoF might attract more older users (men and women) because they require more content for relationships rather than just looking for hook ups. And if people do not have the “youthful look” they might need to rely on something more to get dates.

          There is also -no- western fabrication that says older women are more valuable than younger women, it is the opposite. Media often pairs much younger women with older men, which is why so many older men have a problem with younger women not wanting them. They feel they are being denied something they seem to think they are entitled to.

          Keep in mind that the population is aging. There are less young people than older people.

          Maybe people should try dating people in their own age groups if they are unable to get people younger. And especially have to go to other countries and take advantage of people suffering financial hardships. In many cases those people are used for money, and abandoned when the money is gone. Or after gaining PR or citizenship.

          Also, millennials mainly grew up on the internet. The mindset is very different from that of baby boomers. Culture plays a big role in younger people wanting to date within their own generation. If you can’t relate to pop culture, or their snaps and memes, how are you going to communicate? A 30 year old can relate more to a 20 year old than a 40 year old, in many instances. If your teens years (and even early twenties) weren’t spent in chatrooms or texting, then it will be hard for you to relate to those who were. There are always exceptions, but it is worth considering these aspects before being angry at groups of people.

        6. AllHeart81

          Dating site users are predominantly male? I am not sure that’s true. Can you site where you got that information? I do know dating sites that tend to focus on casual sex and hooking-up do tend to skew male. However, dating sites that focus on partnership and marriage tend to skew more heavily female.  

          Not all older men think 35+ year old men are unappealing. (I do love though how we love to pretend that 35 year old women are ‘old’ though.) Just the ones that have no yet accumulated the emotional intelligence to relate to women, physically, emotionally and mentally beyond pre-pubescent fantasies.  

          Look, I’m on the tail end of being a “millennial’ myself and frankly, I’m tired of other millennials acting like we are an island that everyone wants to be on because our generation somehow magically must have invented everything.  

          And actually, if you review statistics, there is actually less of a cultural gap then previous generations. Older and younger alike are all completely saturated in pop-culture whether we want it or not. Memes and other references are shared cross-generationally. It’s not like when the internet first started to gain speed where young people where using the technology and older people weren’t. Now older and younger all use the same technology and are all exposed to the same content. Older people are on their iphones as much as younger people. They use Facebook, Instagram and Twitter too. Technology is not the playground of the young only. And it’s because of this technology that generations gaps have actually grown smaller.  

          Of course, I have also heard 25 year olds say that 17 year olds can’t relate to them because how quick technology moves. So maybe both are accurate to say.  

      9. 1.1.9

        Why is it so strange that women 2-5 years older than you would look at your profile? The nerve of those people!

        1. Jheng

          hi to you Muller Smith….lol

      10. 1.1.11

        You need to do some research. Yes, there is some risk, but how badly do you want to really fall in love with the future mother of your child(ren)? I am 40 and have known I was clinically infertile since I was 35. I already know what I’m up against – which means I already know I cannot use my own eggs to become pregnant. I am otherwise healthy and although pregnancy and childbirth will carry some risk, the genetic risk factor is out. And yet, I want a man who loves me enough and wants a child badly enough to support me in getting donor eggs or adopting embryos so I may become a mother. I’m 40 – not 50. There is still time with the help of science and good health. You never know until you try to conceive what you may be up against. You or the OP could meet your ideal 32-year-old, fall in love, and find out she will have trouble or need help conceiving. You’re both 42. Stop getting caught up in the fertility factor, as infertility is QUITE common among all ages of men and women. For that matter, how do YOU know you’re swimmers are good and healthy? I would LOVE to start a family with a 42-year-old man. But most I meet have decided to remain childless or decided they’re done with the number they already have. I think it’s far more important to find the woman who views being a parent in the future as important a goal as you do…. THEN worry about HOW you’re going to get there later, if you have to worry about it all.

      11. 1.1.12


      12. 1.1.13

        On the flip side, I have seen men in their 40s and 50s state they want kids yet they indicate an age range of 35-45 in their search stats for a woman.    Unlike you, they must have skipped biology 101.   I wouldn’t be looking at your profile btw 😉

      13. 1.1.14

        That’s only 5 years difference in age.   Why did you wait so long….


      14. 1.1.15

        Quit looking for women online!   MEET them in PERSON!   Online is a catalog.   IN PERSON is more direct and you get to feel the other person.   You get to see if you even connect.   You want a family? Quit being lazy and get out there!   Leave the country too!   In addition you better not look like sh*t!    At your age you better be looking like those guys on the Fitness magazines.   42 is PRIME age for a man! 🙂

      15. 1.1.16

        I’m in my twenties, but I think most women would be looking for someone closer to their age, when starting a family. You could become a dad 42, but as the child ages, so will you. When the kid hits 10 you’ll be over 50. Perhaps a woman ten years your junior now, is taking that into consideration. I know I would.

        With the advances in medical technology, women over 40 are having healthy pregnancies everyday. So don’t be too quick to dismiss someone in your age range.

      16. 1.1.17

        Jack: You call your ex an “Animal” for wasting your youthful baby making years. However, you admit that you never had a single conversation about your future family before marrying her. How anyone could get married without having these discussions is beyond me but it was clearly not just her fault if you assumed she wanted what you wanted without asking her opinion. Besides, wasn’t it apparent pretty soon afterward that kids were not going to happen with her? You could have walked out then. Seems disingenuous to blame only her for your situation.

      17. 1.1.18
        Jean K.




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        *You have to understand that virtually all research done on female fertility, until recently, does not consider paternal age as a possible influence on a woman’s odds of getting pregnant.

        How age impacts male fertility has only really been studied in the past 15 years, SEVERAL STUDIES HAVE FOUND OLDER MEN TYPICALLY TAKE MUCH LONGER TO GET EVEN VERY YOUNG WOMEN PREGNANT. Two large studies found huge declines in male fertility by 40, with a 50% decline for most men. A large study in England, the first of its kind, found at 30 a man contributes 6 mos. usually to the time it takes a woman to get pregnant but by 40 it’s a year and a half. Another study found men 45-50 add two and a half years, on average, to the time to pregnancy. A study of 600 women in their early 20s paired with men in their 40s found they typically took two and a half years to get pregnant. A study of women 35-39 found they were twice as likely to get pregnant if their partner was under 40 vs. 40 and over. Women aged 35 took 5x longer to get pregnant by men aged 45 vs women aged 35 with partners in their twenties. Women in their early 30s are much more likely to get pregnant in a year if their partner is under 35. Infertility rates in men double between 25 and 35.

        Some men are significantly more fertile and will beat the odds but at most they are 30% of the population because time to pregnancy numbers are averages. If a 40 or 45 year old is in this category he may instantly get a young woman pregnant, but he is the exception not the rule.

        MISCARRIAGE RATES GO UP THE OLDER A WOMAN’S PARTNER IS. She is 3x as likely to have a miscarriage if her partner is 35 VS 25, regardless of her age. At 40, they increase 60% over when a man was in his 20s, even with a woman under 25. At 45, it’s 75% and at 50, the rates increase 90% regardless of his partner’s age. The older her partner is the less likely a woman is to carry a baby to term. None of these studies were done in fertility clinics as was previously reported in The Guardian.

        Even studies on mice found a 50% decline by mid-life, human age 40, and a steep decline after and increasing miscarriage rates. Several studies in fertility clinics found the same.

        There have also been studies linking the age of a woman’s partner to her odds of having pregnancy complications like hypertension and preeclampsia.”

      18. 1.1.19

        I read some of comments here and it’s so sad. Are you looking for a person to be with or just to use someone’s body to produce kids for you?

        I rejected a few men in my past cause they demanded kids from me and I felt that they didn’t really care about my personality and it didn’t matter for them if it was me or someone else.

        I’m 34 and I still don’t want kids so for many men here I’m considered “damaged goods” right? Today I  feel like if I’ll be in the right relationship I might consider a kid or 2 if it’s extremely important to my partner and I will see his will to support me during the process. But if someone puts it as the first most important thing I will run away.

        And for the age thing, yes I was into older men for many years but lately I see more and more options from younger guys, sometimes with more serious intentions than the ones a bit older  than me, who just got divorced many times and want to compensate themselves for all the years they “lost” being monogamous. So yeah if I had to choose between 2 men who are equally interested in me and let’s say one a bit  older and one younger I’ll go for the younger. Part of it is that I feel very active and alive and I want someone who is alive also and not to be afraid that in 3-4 years he won’t even want to move his ass from the livingroom couch.

        1. Al

          Nadya: You sound like a practical woman who knows what she wants and what she doesn’t.


          Just an opinion from a single mother… I’d caution you strongly not to compromise and have kids with a partner unless YOU really want them. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve met who were left with the kids when a marriage fell apart. The guy might say he wants kids, might even mean it, but if you break up where will the children go? You can’t bring children into the world counting on a man to help and support you when they arrive. Maybe he’ll be a stellar dad and all will be well, but you need to be prepared to want them badly enough to raise them by yourself because, statistically, that’s what is likely to happen if your relationship breaks apart.


          If you don’t want children at all you’re actually the dream girl for a lot of men in their 40s, if you’re willing to date men that much older than you. They are often divorced, with kids already, so they’d LOVE to find an attractive lady in her 30s who won’t pressure them for more children.


          Good luck out there no matter what you decide.

      19. 1.1.20

        having children with men in their 40’s is risky too. There’s this myth going around that somehow an older woman giving birth is more risky then having an older father with a younger woman. It’s bullshit. The children of older fathers have increased risks of breast cancer for their daughters by 60%, they increase the risk of epilepsy by 30%, they increase the risk of down syndrome by 37%, the risk of childhood leukemia is increased by 14%, the risk of nervous system cancers aka brain tumors is increased by 70%. Older fathers are also thought to increase the risk of autism and schizophrenia.

        1. Evan Marc Katz

          It’s not a matter of whether it’s more risky (which is true); the fact remains that older men CAN father children well into their 40’s on a regular basis, while women cannot. The “ticking clock” isn’t just a myth.

        2. Al

          I’m   going to have to disagree with you there Evan.   Women can physically conceive and give birth up until menopause, which typically happens in a woman’s 50s and 60s. Women  have been discouraged from having children after age 35 due to concerns about downs syndrome and other issues. It hasn’t been that women CAN’T  have kids in their 40s (I personally know three),   it’s that we have been told we SHOULDN’T.   There’s a big difference between the two. Now, men are also being discouraged from having children in their 40s due to exactly the same kinds of health concerns for the child.

        3. Elizabeth

          actually not so much anymore. There’s this wonderful new technology that can be used to have children past your forties and still have pretty much none of the risk if you can afford it. You can get your eggs frozen at say 33 and then have a very good chance at having a child in your early forties. The cost is less then IVF  coming in currently at around 1ok to 15k and around 800 a year to store the eggs.     You can increase that age if your willing to hire a surrogate as well. Of course all of these options do require that you have some amount of money.   Combine surrogacy with freezing your eggs and the ticking clock goes    away.  The women that  you cater too here are from what I can tell generally wealthy and successful which  means they have a good chance at being able to afford it. Personally, I can’t afford it now, but maybe in the next few years.    I’d seriously consider it since it would relieve the pressure on finding a guy to have children with in a certain time range or needing to  choose to just have the child on my own when I reach a certain age. This then pretty much relieves the time pressure on having kids for me. Instead of a good 8 years I now have something like 13 years.   Facebook  just started really  pushing this for their female employees including paying for it.

      20. 1.1.21

        I am 44.   Divorced, was married to a lady 6 months my junior.   Both in the same management category.   Both strong minded and will full.   We both met late (39), and with the support of family decided to get married.   Big mistake.   She battled to have kids, doctors, the works.   I can have kids, even now.   Went on a date with a 25 year old.   Best time of my life… guess not the same for her.   I continue to seek that experience, and yeah its very elusive.   Perhaps I should just look out for nice 43 year old?

      21. 1.1.22
        Gundu Reddy

        In every other country in the world women keep having children until menapause. Only in the United States many women are morbidly obese, have high blood pressure, diabetes, smoke, drink beer like water, and yet blame fertility and pregnancy issues entirely on age. Find someone of reasonable weight , no bad habits such as smoking or drinking excessively and is free of endocrine problems or gynecological issues like endometriosis and PCOS.   There should be very little risk even in her early forties. Focus on finding someone you love and who loves you. There are many risks associated with older fathers such as aspergers, schizophrenia, muscular dystrophy. As well as errectile problems. Yet these women are willing to give you a chance and not seeking someone younger. Why deny yourself happiness due to a fixed idea. Women who date older men are often less attractive so find difficulty finding someone their own age or need financial support. Trust your gut and think about what you want , rather than numbers.

      22. 1.1.23

        Why would a woman under 35 take the risk of reproducing with a man over 40? Sperm quality starts dropping after 40 and nose dives after 45.

        Even between 35-40 pregnancy is very  possible for most women. They will want a man who is under 40 too.

      23. 1.1.24

        If having a child with a woman is “risky” when she’s older…maybe you should have had kids when you were younger as well. I don’t find it particularly fair for fathers to be so much older either.

      24. 1.1.25

        You are too old for kids, so go adopt or forget it.

        I actually find it hilarious that you waited and now, you want kids with a 20 something year old and you are in your 40’s. When I was in my 20’s I wouldn’t have dreamed of going out with someone that old.   Adopt a kid and marry someone your age.

      25. 1.1.26
        H A

        Good evening,

        While I appreciate your predicament and potential loneliness; indeed, I am lonely too [I am 31 years old,] I must say, firstly:

        Why would you turn a lady down just because she was 45-47? Is it not all about personality and values. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all and you may find she is the most beautiful lady you  have ever encountered.

        Also, you state that YOU want to have children – what if the love your life does not want offspring? But you love her because she is enough? Just a thought.

        And YOU are not taking that medical risk – again – do you not want to get to know a lady first in order to know, firstly, if you love her, and if you do, then surely, that would be enough, either with or without children? And do you not think that you should take her feelings and plans into consideration before laying out the law?

        You only live once – why not enjoy life and the life you have with your future partner? Enjoy and love her – and she may love you – and you may have a future – although it may be different to the one you envisaged. I wish you both happiness.


        1. Taylor

          If someone changes their mind, that’s one thing, but I don’t like this idea of guilt tripping someone into doing something they don’t want. If it’s important for man or woman to have kids, maybe they aren’t meant with someone who doesn’t. Just because men don’t give birth, doesn’t make their desires any less valid. If a man doesn’t want to date women that much older because he wants to start a family (even through adoption, because maybe older people aren’t even open to that), than who are we to judge and who we to say who the love of his life is.

      26. 1.1.27

        The amount of men unaware that the quality of their gametes erodes faster than a woman’s is amazing.   Men think they are justified when saying they dont want to “take the risk” of a woman over 34. They dont even realize the sexism of expecting the woman take a risk with old sperm of lesser quality. In their ignorance of science, they assume only women have limits to successful breeding.

        Women are told all the time that if they didnt bother to get ready for life they arent entitled to marry a man who did, otherwise that makes her a vapid, scorned, gold digger.   Well men: if you waited too long to have kids: that doesnt entitle you to someone who had more regard for their breeding potential – it makes you just as vapid and scorned.

      27. 1.1.28

        The statistic, of a woman over 34 having a child is a risk, is merely a statistic. I’m 37 and have been very healthy, not used birth control during a celibate phase of 6 years. I have created a child when I was 24 . My body is a reproductive powerhouse and birthed a nine pound baby and made milk like a milk maid.  Quit being so superficial and trust that you will know how to find a virulent, vivacious and bright woman to bear children. Many women are in tuned to their bodies and can even tell when they are ovulating.

      28. 1.1.29

        Has it ever occurred to you that the only way these 45 year old women can find out if you want children is to open up your profile?   If they are writing to you then yes that is their problem .   If they don’t write to you it could   they swipe on accident as well .   I have opened up plenty of profiles on a daily basis by accident because I just wasn’t paying attention .

        Don’t be so repulsed that these older women are looking at your picture. Today I’m sure there’s a 30 something year-old girl, who is repulsed that you’re 42-year-old self look at their picture.   When I was 30 I thought that a man who was 34 was ancient . It goes both ways   unfortunately.

        The moral of the story is that sadly, you waited too late to have children and now the women who are of the ideal procreating age feel you’re too old .   Remember   it’s not just a looks thing either , young women are   educated to know that men over 40 have older sperm that may result in a child with   birth defects and   special needs .   Just in my personal experience over 75% of my friends who had a child with a man over 40 resulted in autism and one friend who’s child is deaf .


      29. 1.1.30
        Carlene Boettcher

        Fyi, many women in their mid to late thirties have healthy babies. Even though the risks do go up, the odds are still very good that a woman that age will have a healthy child. Many 35-40 year old women take good care of their health and are having children later. Many of my peers close to my age have babies and I’ve not seen one child who has a chromosomal problem. I do know a 26 year old with a child who has down syndrome though.

        I am currently pregnant with identical twin girls…monochorionic-diamnotic…meaning I only released one egg and it split. My last ultrasound showed zero birth defects and no signs of down syndrome. I am going to be 39 in a couple months. I have healthy babies because I ate healthy, nutrient dense food, practiced yoga and exercised regularly prior to getting pregnant.

      30. 1.1.31

        There is an increased risk of genetically inherited conditions such as autism whrn for bringing a child into the world with a father 40+ years, I know this because it happened to me, he was 41 and I was 30, we have an autistic son aged 23.

      31. 1.1.32
        Zacho.de la Blacho

        Marriage is about loving your wife or spouse. Children are simply a biproduct of Sex. If u find a woman that Loves you, it don’t matter her age. Adopt. And as for medical risks, anyone, from any age or any health can produce a child with many problems. Both my wife’s parents and grandparents were perfectly healthy. But she has diabetes and many many health problems. If you find a healthy 24 year old and you are healthy you can still have an asthmatic, diabetic child who also has cancer. If you want a healthy baby, the onlybwaybto be 95% sure is to adopt. You can pick out the most healthy.

        People like you make me laugh. People like you want lids, find the “perfect” person, have sex, get pregnancy to happen, have 3 kids and when the youngest is 2 or 3 you divorce because of arguments about the kids
        You are very ridiculous. More ridiculous than those fools who marry simply because of pregnancy. Kids are a product of Sex. Not marriage.

      32. 1.1.33

        Children or not i never understood man who are surprised if younger women wont go for them, when they wouldn’t want an older woman than themself.
        Do you think that us women don’t prefer younger men if given the option just like u prefer younger women???
        And talking about our reproductive systems i’m sorry to dissapoint u but the quality of a mans sperm drops with age as well and it can cause mutations in the genes of the baby or. miscarriage.
        All does not depend on the woman.Oh and something more my friend, sometimes a healthy young couple can not have babies together, they are just simly not compatible that way, and i have known cases like that, but once they split and they both try with someone else the man will get another woman pregnant and the woman will. easyly get pregnant from someone else. And theese things u dont know in advance… what if u got married with a young healthy woman and that was the case. I think most important is to go for who wants u and stop chasing women that dont want u. And dont take. me. wrong this is not me. being nasty.
        I’m a 30 years old woman and i find my age group ok and 31-33 year olds, but ideally i wouldn’t want to go older than that. And i definitely. find 37-42 old men way to old for my taste. They will have way more wrinkles than me so…. my fiance is 27 yeara old and if i compared him. with a 37 year old man there are huge differences. Of course im. more attracted to the 27 year old than 37.But i would. not go out with someone younger than 27 becauae im realiatic and i know that could. not poasibly last and that id look much older than that person…
        You know our society whether thats man or women we do tend to prefer younger partners, difference is that man prefer. muuuuch younger women than them and women usually dont go so much into extremes into looking for that much younger man….

      33. 1.1.34

        Have you ever considered that for women in their early 30s who want children, a man older than 40 is also a health risk? It is now known that the age of the father is equally a factor…

      34. 1.1.35
        Serenity Scott

        You are too old to have children. The older men are when sire their progeny, the more risk they will have for genetic anomalies and disorders you thought you were going to skirt around. Sorry, dude. I know a child’s feelings and future and health are the least of your concerns in your race to remain vain and hang on to the bygone era of your youth, but you do have a shelf life. Science betrays you.

    2. 1.2

      I am gob smacked at this stupid email you received from this 42 year old man. So incredibly self centred. What woman in her right mind would want an old man who just wants her because she can breed for him.
      He has spent his entire life chasing skirts and has not found anyone worth his love but at 42 he decides that its time to reproduce.??
      The women you go out with must get a pretty creepy  sleazy feeling hanging out with you as this is the same feeling a man would get when he meets a gold digger.
      I would  call you a “womb digger”.
      I suggest its time to give a good woman your heart and actually want to be in a relationship with someone before you place these LARGE expectations on them.
      And this goes to any other man who has waited till he is 40 to settle. Really! Seriously what ever happened to LOVE not Convenience.!!!!!!!
      I get everyone wants their freedom and fun when they are young but 40s not young, 30s not young and 25 is pushing it. Young is 18 and under and rest of us should have grown up by now.

      1. 1.2.1

          Complete, utter nonsense. When did the desire to have children become calling those who want to have children breeders?
          I am gobsmacked you would say that, but given the tactics used on the front lines of the gender war, maybe not.
          Here’s the deal and I know women HATE this but its the truth.
          Women are largely depreciating asset.   You are at your highest value under 25, unmarried and no children.   You’re lucky that virginity is no longer viewed as it was previous, otherwise that would continue to be apart of the gold standard.
          The SAME does not happen to men. But since the late 90’s, there has been this effort to discount men over 40, while simultaneously boosting the value of women over 35-40 which is right at the tail end of woman’s ability to have children without medical intervention.
          You would call a man who wants children after 40 a womb digger, its unimaginative and proves that some feminist are in fact misandrist.
          Just like I can’t stand extreme feminist like you, I can’t stand MGTOW idiots either.
          Memo to men in America. As I have said before and you can listen to the podcast on Freakonomics Radio (Online Dating and Marriage 1/2); economist Paul Oyer   said –

          Women like men with high paying jobs ($50K +)
          Women will date a man who is less good looking but has $$$
          Women don’t like low wage earners and unemployed men

          All men really want is a nice looking woman, who stays in-shape and grows old gracefully. Stress, smoking, bad eating habits, lack of exercise , drug abuse and drinking speed that all up ladies.
          At this point in the financial crisis and deepening gender/culture war, a man’s only choice is to get his passport and jump on a plane to either Eastern Europe, Southeast Asia or Central/Latin America.

        1. Robert

          I believe your spot on Anthony. Ive been looking for a good women to date and have dated some great women. All younger than me as thats whay ive always done. Women that already have children and dont want more should date men in their 40s they do Want children,such as myself .im 45 and have been looking for Woman to start a family with since I was 38, things just haven’t worked out the way I hoped.

        2. Alanna Lewis

          do you know how that sounds: “You are at your highest value under 25” Who cares about the individual right? And then you go on about men being discounted. That’s the problem nowadays. Everyone thinks its all about them. What’s in it for me? No one really cares about anyone anymore. And we wonder why we have so many unhappy relationships. I agree with Carmela, whatever happened to love, not convenience?!!
          Also, its only natural that older women would start to gravitate towards younger men if men their age act like they should be put out to pasture once they reach a certain age. But noooo, men are still studs because they can still shoot sperm past a certain age, right? Where this supposed ‘gender war’ is concerned, I think a lot of it is men, SOME men I should say, trying to conserve cave man day values and beliefs about women and women continuously trying to show that yes my baby making abilities and other qualities as a woman are great but I am more than just that.

        3. Alux

          You shouldn’t call any human being “a depreciating asset”. I can’t understand how dating, love and family become a gender war instead of an extension of our humanity. That being said, media and society is pressuring too much on age, money and beauty and we have forgotten that when you love that doesn’t matter. It seem men and women are just. It seems men and women are looking at dates as if they were part of a contract of need and are not looking at each other and are just interested in taking rather than giving…

        4. Diane

          I whole heartedly disagree. A man in his 40s is really past the age of reproduction as well.   If your trying to start a family in your 40s with hopes of kids you would be a womb digger.  Think of it this way if you married someone at 40 had 1-2 years before you had kids. Now you are 42 by time that kid is 18 and out of just high school your 60. What kind of life are you giving that kind? My grandparents are in their 60s and that would be the equivalent of them having me. I am 28 and do have kids. I am married and settled with a college education. No I am not at the hight of my career and no I haven’t traveled but that is what my retirement is for.
          I guess what I’m saying is in a lot of ways you have waited to long.   Women who are of childbearing age aren’t looking to have that child with someone close to there dad’s age.
          (Women 32 and older increased their chances of giving birth to a down syndrome child each year passed this age. In fact it doubles each year past 32. That is another drawback to waiting.)
          Most people stay within the 3-6 year either way flux keep that in mind. So if your 40 and looking most women younger than 34 aren’t going to look at you twice. Past that child bearing becomes complicated and dangerous.

        5. topogigio

          So basically, you think a man needs to purchase a woman.   To you, women seem to be similar to cattle or sheep.   You expect them to have certain traits but do not think they have the right to also expect certain traits.   To that end, you deserve what you get. BTW, most men also want a woman who will “provide” – leaving men as contributors in what way, exactly?   Your sperm is not a great contribution to society.

        6. Carrie

          Any person who would call another human being a “depreciating  asset” is not worth dating.   By all means, if a man or woman want to date someone who is younger or older, go for it.   But don’t put other people down just to justify your actions.   

        7. Kelley

          Hmmm. I think we nailed your problem in meeting women. Your assumption that a woman’s value is her in her fertility is a little like saying a man’s value is his wallet. You don’t take into consideration that a woman is a full human being, not a baby machine. If you really are a decent human being with a great deal to offer as a boyfriend, husband and potential dad, then you need to change your approach. Women like to feel they are valued just like you do and not just for their hot fertile bodies. If you are offending women, they are not going to want to date you.

        8. ShawnaDavis

          Loven the butt-hurt. Sorry self-respecting Western women don’t find you attractive. Good luck with your 16 yr old Filipino prostitute. She will no doubt love you for you. jk Sugar Daddy

        9. amaryllis


          Maybe Paul Oyer got burned? The other perception is that maybe women want a partner who makes enough money to help her raised their child(ren) as I realized now that I’m ready to start a family. Let’s not forget that smart, strong, successful women also desire smart, strong, successful men who makes big $$$. Let us not get tunnel vision on this matter.

          Another point: I once dated a man who was unemployed through no fault of his own despite friends complete and disapproval. He was one of the few men that treated me like gold but you know what? Apparently, he did not feel comfortable dating a woman of a different religion. My point: I’m tired of bitter, disillusioned men calling women a gold digger, lumping/ judging women when there could be a million reasons why the relationship did not work out. Sh*t happens. That’s life. Just keep on swimming and eventually, the right match will come along, maybe when you least expect it.

        10. Charlotte

          Take it from an immigrant woman: the ones who marry Americans are looking to get out of the country. They despise you just as much as american women, they do what they must for money. You are fooling yourself to think thats a viable alternative, everyone will know you are just a cheap immoral man who exploited an impoverished country because none of your own want you on honest terms – and your “wife” will know this better than anyone.

      2. 1.2.2

        First off Carmela are you enjoying the boys in high school? I only ask this because most people by the time they reach college figure out that even in your forties you have a long way towards being old. Secondly to that a man has not found anyone worth his love at age 42 because he has been chasing skirts and suddenly wants to have kids. I am in my early forties and I have never been married. I have date women some younger some older. All have been more than worthy of my love, one broke my heart. I realize now it is good we did not stay together. They were good relationships not mere skirt chasing, but I did not love any of them enough to spend the rest of my life with.

        By the way, in this world both men and women can be gold diggers. Also, while some men may just want a woman for her womb, some women just want a man for his sperm.

        1. Mary

          Thank you Mark for reminding me and reassuring me that not all men are as foolish as “Anthony.”   I just hope to god that he is in the minority and you are part of the majority.   You are spot on that a 42 year-old man that complains he hasn’t found anyone worthy of his love while he was chasing skirts for many years, has no right to think he suddenly deserves to have a younger woman breed his children just because he’s decided that’s what he wants now.   

          Here’s hoping that you find a lovely 42 year-old woman to have kids with and Anthony gets a vasectomy so he doesn’t breed more fools like himself!  

        2. MaryAnne

          I think you all are giving this guy a hard time.   At least he didn’t settle for the wrong woman like a lot of men and women do.   I am 45 and divorced.   I have two healthy intelligent children and I was 30 when I had my first child.   Their father was 39.   He was married before and had two children.   When we met my first question was do you want more children as I didn’t want him to waste my time since I had been in a previous long term relationship with a man that didn’t want children and tried to talk me into not wanting children.   I love kids.   I would have had more but I had to talk my now ex husband into our second child.   Its never too late and I say don’t give up your dreams of what you want in life.   I am single and not online dating but maybe someday hope to find the love of my life and that dream I will never give up.

        3. amaryllis


          What if you view the end of relationships as 2 people simply growing apart in lieu of “picking the wrong person” or “making a mistake” mentality? I find it helpful to reframe past experiences in a positive light. There’s no point in beating yourself up for something you cannot foresee. Good luck on your search for love! <3

      3. 1.2.3

        Even though I think your words are harsh, you made a lot of valid points. I am 43 years old, I was married and had my two beautiful daughters at different stages. First one when I was 21, second by the age 26. I was also married for 15 years. Now I am divorced with a 22 year old and a 14 year old. I date women my age not younger. Being a mature man, I want and need a mature woman. Not some young woman who has daddy issues. I for some reason think couples should stick to there same age category within reason. Maybe this may sound wrong to most men reading this post, but I think it is wrong for a 40 plus man to date a woman 10 years younger than him. Maybe because I have daughters, I really do not know why I am that way. If my daughter was 30,and   some dude my age was trying to put the moves on her, well I guess I am just different, I would not care what my daughter thought about the older man, cause I’m kicking his ass. So beware of fathers of young woman, and no I am not a UFC buff   guy, what I think I can not beat down with my own fists, I would use a bat, If for some reason my bat broke, then my shotgun. Maybe some jail time, but you would be real sorry you did not just stick to your own age group.  

        1. shannon

          I like this guy. Sounds like a sensible, decent, common sense man. I am in my late 20’s and I too agree people should date within their own age bracket. I have no respect f0r men or women for that matter that date way younger then themselves, it’s abnormal and reeks of some kind of underlying emotional issues. I am grossed out when men more then 5 or 10 years older then me hit on me, not because I think there is anything wrong with age, but because I think there is something wrong with someone that age trying to sexually interact with someone my age. I have no respect for a man that would do that. Joe…is a respectable man. I hope when I’m married I have a man like him who loves me at every age and who has actual respect for himself and women.

        2. Jeffrey

          Shannon– “I like this guy. Sounds like a sensible, decent, common sense man.”
          In response to Joes comments– ” I am not a UFC buff   guy, what I think I can not beat down with my own fists, I would use a bat, If for some reason my bat broke, then my shotgun. Maybe some jail time, but you would be real sorry you did not just stick to your own age group. ”
          …..a sensible, decent, common sense man….

        3. topogigio

          Shannon, I will be interested to see what you think of that in 20 years when you are (likely) divorced and trying to date.   It is really not that creepy to date people younger or older.   What is creepy is the attitudes people have.   I thought younger guys dating older women was so gross when I was in my 20’s but now I see that it isn’t at all.   People are attracted to who they are attracted to.   What this article is about is not attraction, actually.   It is about treating women like breeding cattle who are there primarily to boost a man’s ego (by providing bio kids, looking “right” on his arm, fitting the profile he has invented).   When people decide that others are there to fulfill their needs and expectations with no regard for the fact that the other is a person at all, there is a serious problem.   Unfortunately, this is all too common across U.S. society.

        4. Brandon Green


          Partner is that a threat you just made ?
          There are a considerable number of older men who are
          experts at playing your game. Don’t get yourself killed trying to
          be Super Dad!

        5. Brandon Green

          Anytime partner ! That’s   a quick way to get killed !

        6. Cat

          Hi Joe, wish my dad would have done that….unfortunately if your daughters think they love the older guy then there is not much you can do as you may loose the daughters.   I do wish however, that older men would leave the young ones alone.   I was left with an 11 year old daughter.   A single mom which I did not want to be.   My partner died of course as he was much older then I was and yes I knew I made a terrible mistake and should have been more forward with him and said No, I don’t care what you think of me I do not want to have a relationship with you.   I made a terrible mistake and I paid for it.   I think women who have relationships with older men lack self-confidence.   That was my problem anyway.

        7. JennLee

          Cat, how is it that you made a terrible mistake?   You were “left with” a beautiful 11 year old daughter.   Do you not even realize how many other women are out here, wishing they had that?


          If the only thing that bothers you is that he died early, you need to stop with that because the same could happen with a younger guy, or much more likely is that he leaves you for a younger woman.


          Because some of you make an issue of this, I asked myself a hypothetical question.   If I had to choose between an older guy who loved me completely, but would die on me, or a guy my age or younger who would leave me for a younger woman, I will take the older guy, who actually loves me, and take him without hesitation.





        8. Of German descent

          I have only one child, a 13 year old daughter. When she chooses someone to marry, I’ll support her. Whatever the age. It is her choice and what will make her happy, will make me happy. My father was 20 years older than than my mother. He ended up at the beginning of the war in interment camps, than ended up fighting for a country that was taken over by the Soviet Union, he couldn’t return home because he fought on the wrong side and was considered a traitor. He traveled until he found a place he could make his home and then to find someone to start a family.   My brother, sister and I would never be here if my father gave up because he was too old. We love life and we are happy to be on this earth. I too want a family because the woman I married lied is not my fault but now is my problem. I want a family with several children just like the family I grew up in. My father’s died a few years back but I would never give up the great times we had together as a family that loved each other as much as we love life.

          Your problem is dealing with life. There is bad with the good and if you commit a crime by hitting some one or committing a more serious injury, you are the one who is ill and should pay the price to justice. God Bless you.


        9. George T

          But would you have problems with your 30 year old daughter marrying Donald Trump – if he chose to do so? Men’s worth is in the wallet. Woman’s worth is in her age and physical attractivness. See Tom Leykis show – it’s brutal but honest, free from Feminist social engineering. BTW – I would have no prob my 21 yr old daughter marrying Donald Trump, BTW – Melania is 24 years his junior. It’s a man’s world ONLY if you have money and power. Not my words, but word’s of Jackie Sussan – who tells the truth as it is. So only 0.01% men are having a ball, and I mean rich 50, 60 year men hiring 20 year old model type international escorts who are experts in their profession   – mind you they are very expensive. I had it a few times and can verify it. As for kids, they have no problem coughing up extra $100 000 for eager 20year old surrogate mothers in Eastern Europe. Yup, world is not fair for those who don’t make at least $10 000 / week (low end) disposable income. And those guys are reading this post and having the laugh of their life. As for love and respect – did they ever exist? After all, Leo Tolstoy (author of War & Peace) refered to marriage as a legal prostitution. Again, not my words.

      4. 1.2.4

        What’s weird is that most men 40+ don’t want more kids.   I for one get discouraged at the number of women 38-46 who have never had kids and list in their profiles that they want kids.   This email has the potential of stereotyping all 40+ men as “womb diggers,” but the reality is, most do not want kids.
        I wonder how many men say they do in their profiles, but really don’t, but they see how many women say they want more kids, so they are afraid to say no.     At most, I will say “unsure,” just to open my profile to more women, because I think there may be many who are saying yes, but don’t really want to, or are open to not having them if they find a man that can give them enough love that they don’t feel the need for kids to fill a hole in their lives.   The right man will be enough for them.

        1. faded jade

          Rusty – You have stated on this board that you are done having children.   For you to put “unsure” in your profile is a bald face lie !
          You come to this board to tell us that all American women are b—-es and that you are trying to turn other men against American women as well because we are so awful, and now you come here and admit that you lie about something as important as wanting children in order to get what you want from women.
          It is not up to you to decide if a woman really wants children, or if she is trying to “fill a hole in her life” or if you would be enough for her without children.   Be honest in your profile, and if some woman who is on the fence about having children sees your profile and thinks that you may be enough for her, then she might respond.   Didn’t you say you had a vasectemy because your are done having children ?   How do you sleep at night telling such a big whopper of a lie online ?   What if you did meet a WONDERFUL   woman and she had no children and really desired them ?   What if she did fall for you, and then found out that you were lying about being “unsure” ?   If you can’t or won’t have them, than you aren’t unsure, the answer is “no” and you led a woman to believe that you were open to the possibility ?   I thought you were a religious man.   Does your religion teach that it’s OK to lie to women to get what you want ?   Or is your view of American women so jaded that you think it’s OK for you to lie to them ?  
          It’s bad enough that people (men and women) lie about things like age, height, smoking habits etc., but to lie about relationship goals is despicable.
          When I see men in my age range who put “unsure” about kids, I pass ’em by, I really do think it is a lie to try and reel in younger women.   I thought I was being a cynic with this thinking, thanks for confirming it is a lie.
          I also pass men by when they list all relationship goals (sites like POF, let you select one or all relationship goals)   Yeah, when I see a guy who says his relationship goal is everything from one night stand to serious long term relationship I don’t respond to that e-mail.
          I have gone “off line” for a while anyway.   No more boxes to check, no more trying to decipher a 2-D profile.   Just trying to meet the 3D audio-visual man in the real world, and get to know someone face to face.  
          Trying to decipher the lies from the truth is tricky on or offline, but I do think it is easier IRL.
          Oh, and don’t bother pointing out to me that women lie to men.   I KNOW that, and I think it’s despicable behavior in either gender.   2 wrongs don’t make a right.

        2. JennLee

          I’m not so melodramatic as you Faded Jade. Many online sites don’t allow enough options to describe your views on children. If this site does not allow a man to say that he does not want more kids but is fine with your children, then saying “unsure,” is more than acceptable, so long as when she asks, he tells the truth. I can see why a man would not want to just say “no,” because it can come across as not liking kids, and might scare away the many women who have one or two children that he might be willing to date or marry. If he says “unsure,” and she assumes that he is willing to have more kids, then that is on her. “Unsure” should be a conversation starter. She should not assume that it means he is willing to have children.

          What site is this. I would like to see what options it gives for you to describe your thoughts on children, because if the options are so limited that it can give false impressions, then I see his answer as perfect, since it is benign and requires discussion on the topic. Now, had he said “yes,” then that would be inexcusable.

        3. faded jade

          JenLee – Match.com has an option for “Doesn’t want kids, but doesn’t mind if you do”     They also have a spot to list, weather or not you have kids, and weather or not they live with you.   (and there’s even an option for “they sometime live with me”.
          Rusty did not indicate that he says “unsure” to seem open to women who already have kids, but to open his profile to women that he thinks he may be able to convince that his love is enough, and that they don’t need kids to fill a “hole in their lives”   It is dishonest to say that you are “unsure” if you want kids, just to try and appeal to women who say they do.   (and to justify it by saying that maybe they are saying they want kids but really don’t)  
          Rusty says he is discouraged at women who are 38-46 who are childless and want children.   Those women have precious few years left to “fill that hole” in thier life, and to target the age group with feigned ambivilance towards children, when the REAL answer is a clear cut “NO” (especially if he has had a vasectemy, don’t know for sure if he has, but I think he has stated as such) is unconscionable and I don’t think it is “melodramatic” to say that lying about relationship intentions is dishonest.
          I SERIOUSLY doubt that the childless women in their late 30’s are lying about wanting children.   If they could go either way, they could list “unsure”.
          Also, all OLD sites allow you to write a free form profile, so one could explain that they are done having their own biological children, but would be open to dating a single parent, if that option is not available in the drop down box.
          FJ aka SE

        4. JennLee

          Well FJ aka SE, it looks as if you got upset over nothing. I looked at what he said again, and I still was not seeing what you see. So I looked for more of his posts, and used that to do 10 minutes of research. I found his profile. I don’t know if he has more on other sites, but I don’t care to look, because his profile clearly says, No. Not unsure. It’s a nice profile, I must admit.

          So I went back and read it again. It seems he is speaking hypothetically what he would do and I feel I understand why after looking on that site. If he wasn’t getting enough attention, he might assume that the match maker wasn’t working because many of the women list unsure. I saw some women in their late 40s also stating yes. Not that’s just crazy. At some point you have to face the facts that it’s over.

          Plus, if you read, he was stating clearly that if he were to do that, it would be to get his profile in front of women who “may” be less than truthful…and yeah, we all know every woman is truthful on her profile, right? Shall I roll my eyes now? So it seems clear to me that he was saying that by doing this, he might get matched with these women, and they might see his profile and strike up a conversation. I do not see where he intended to trick women. It seems he was discussing a hypothetical situation. And he was saying that he wondered how many people were not being truthful about that question, and yes, I can see it turning into a vicious circle. Word gets out that some 40’s men are looking to have kids, so women list wanting to have kids, men see this and list they do to, when in reality, many of them may not want that. It appears this is what he was saying. Then through in that if he did that, there might also be some women who are on the fence, not really sure they want kids, but they feel lonely, need someone to love, and like a teenage girl , think popping out a baby is the answer. He was saying that maybe if they have a man who fills her life with love, SHE may decide she doesn’t want kids. Nowhere does he say he intended to trick women. Show me where you see that. Then I will point you back to the word unsure. Any woman who would see that and marry a man without discussing it in depth, and do so early if it is important to her, then she is stupid, and I don’t feel the need to defend stupid. I would make sure the man and myself were clear on our expectations and not just something as important as that. But if I did want something as important as children, I for sure would make the man let me know what he wants. No more sitting on the fence when we start talking a serious relationship. In fact, I am not even going to consider a serious relationship without making sure we are on the same page.

        5. SparklingEmerald

          JenLee – I already stated in my first post on this, that I don’t condone lying from either gender.   Yes, I know that men and women lie on their dating profiles.   I’ve had men put “no way” under smoking,   to “open up their profiles” to more women, only to find out that they smoke or are “trying to quit”   or “smoke occasionally” both of which are options on match.com.   I’ve had men lie about their age.   Who knows what other lies I’ve been told, but never discovered due to lack of interest at the first meet.
          I don’t condone lying by either gender in online profiles.
          Except for the very obvious “fun fictions”   my profile is very honest.   When I was separated but not legally divorced, I put my status as “separated”.   Believe me, many people advised me to put “divorced”, but I kept my status as “separated”.   Some people told my I should put “divorced” to “open up my profile” to more men, and that it wasn’t important.   I think that’s BS.   THE TRUTH is ALWAYS important.   My status did not change to “divorced” until I was legally divorced.   Once we filed the papers,   I kept my status as “separated”, but did mention in my online profile that my D would be final by year end.
          But I guess that’s just the way of the world now.   Lying about age, place of residence,   employment, smoking habits, relationship intentions is the new normal.  

        6. JennLee

          You can get off your high horse any time SE. The truth is not always right. There are many instances where it is common to lie. Do these pants make my butt look big? Whether to not you put separated or divorced is your choice but you have zero right to judge anyone. I had a friend who put divorced. Why not? She had been separated for 2 years and had not lived together for 5. Long story but there was a legit reason. She was just a couple of months away from being divorced. As soon as she was able to make contact with men, she would let them know that he divorce was not yet final, but this also allowed her a chance to give an explanation. The reason is simple…when a person sees “separated,” they have no way of knowing that the person is just a month or two from having a finalized divorce. Often, people assume that you are recently separated. Every man she talked to was fine and admitted that they were glad she put divorced because in their mind, she was closer to being divorced than their idea of what separated is. One told her that his biggest worry with separated is that they may get back with their husband, or that their wounds are still too fresh. With her, they realized that was not the case. She could barely even remember what it was like living with her husband.

          And again, I do not read that Rusty was intending to defraud those women. Had he said yes, that would be entirely different. All a moot point since the profile of his I found does not say unsure, it says no. You can find it too with simply deductive reasoning. I might make my fake profile I created, into a real profile and send him a message. I did like what he said in his profile. I notice I haven’t seen any new posts by him. I think the ladies here ran him off. I will admit that I did not agree with every last thing he wrote, but I did notice he was never aggressive or personally disrespectful, that I saw. But his posts were quite unpopular with some, and I can see why, but I also can see the difference between him posting unpopular opinions, and the personal attacks often made against him because of his opinions.

          Maybe he did not offend me because I never felt he was talking to me, since I do not fall into the group he seems to have a problem with. I hope he doesn’t stay away for too long. But maybe it is better that he does, because of the personal attacks.

        7. topogigio

          The right man will be enough for them? Hahahaha!   Look at you, deciding what these women want before even meeting them.   Wow, just wow.

      5. 1.2.5

        Hahaha womb digger! That kills me.
        It’s so true though. I am a 30 year old woman and I can tell you from experience… all the men that court me are womb diggers. I would love to meet a guy in his mid to late 30s, get married, maybe have kids, have a house, the whole shebang. But the only men that court me are 40 – 50+ guys who look at me like prize livestock. They think I’m good for breeding!!!! I don’t want to be the host body for some guys dream of being a dad. I already   have a daughter, I honestly dont care if I ever have any more children.
        But womb digger, omg. I completely relate to that.   

        1. Vic

            Men in their 40’s   look at you like prize livestock?
          If you are in your   thirties, that’s unlikely.  

        2. Johnny

          Sweetie, the ONLY reason for a guy to get hitched in this day of family court madness is to HAVE A FAMILY.

          You best wake up quick if you haven’t figured that out.

      6. 1.2.6

        Carmela @ 1.2 said “He has spent his entire life chasing skirts and has not found anyone worth his love but at 42 he decides that its time to reproduce.??”
        Actually Carmela – He said he just recently ended a 5 year relationship, because he wanted kids and she didn’t.   So that’s at least 1 LTR that he has had.   Who knows why he stayed 5 years with someone who had such different life goals.   Maybe she waffled in the beginning and said that she might want to have children.   Maybe she strung him along for 5 years, with “baby, maybe ” talk.   And who knows what his relationship history was prior to that.   Maybe he was a “skirt chaser”, maybe he was looking for love, and just never found the one.   Maybe a little of both, a “skirt chaser” enjoying sowing his wild oats while looking for love, and now at 42, it still eludes him.  
        We women get all up in arms, when men write with such contempt about 30 something women longing for a husband and family.   And we are rightfully angry when they come to this blog to sneer at the over 30 women looking for love & family.   So we really shouldn’t engage in that behavior towards our male counterparts.  

        1. Traveller

          @ SparklingEmerald:

          SE, you are truly a gem.

          I’m in much the same situation as the original poster. I’ve had three LTRs in my life, but in each case, either she didn’t want children, couldn’t have children, or was over and done with the whole thing. So I’ve never been able to have a family, despite, in some cases, nearly heroic efforts to do so. People who immediately jump to the conclusion that someone “waited” are being grossly unfair. In many cases, it’s just bad luck.

          My last GF strung me along for 6 years claiming that she wanted kids, but not yet, until finally admitting that she had lied from the beginning. Even after that it took me another 2 years to break up with her, because I really did love her anyway.

          Thank you for being fair and not assuming bad intent.

      7. 1.2.7

        There’s another scenario which is often overlooked.   People talk about “waiting too long” to settle down.   But sometimes that “waiting” is not by choice.

        I remember when I was a teenager, my grampa would take me and my friends to the amusement park & ride the roller coasters, etc.   Watching him have fun with us made me not so afraid of getting older.   My grandparents had been married for over 30 years at that point.   My parents are still married to this day.   I often used to wonder what my own marriage would be like.

        Unfortunately I was considered a “nerd” in high school.   I was kind of an outcast.   Generally, girls didn’t want to go out with me.   Apparently I was this great guy & all, but they just “didn’t think of me that way.”

        No worries.   I graduated school, and went on to get a good job with a fortune 500 company.   I did stand-up at local comedy clubs.   I even earned my pilot’s licence.   But I still found it almost impossible to date.   One girl actually told me that I’m just too nice.   WTF ??

        So here I am, about to turn 44 years old, and in my whole life I’ve had sex a TOTAL of four times.   I’m not looking for pity, I’m just emphasizing that I’ve wanted a family all my life, but never been given that opportunity.

        Am I in a hurry to have kids?   You betcha!   But the woman who wants to start a family with me would be more than just a “breeding machine.”   I would love her with all my heart, and try to be the best father to our children that I can be.

        And despite being a little older, I can still show her a good time, and play catch with our son, or have a tea party with our daughter.   They deserve that.  

        1. Brandon


          You sound like quite a catch. However. Attraction is not a choice
          it’s a REFLEX ! Women are attracted to strong and confident men.
          Unfortunately many times this comes along with being an asshole.
          There are many PUA sites which will give you tips on what women are attracted to. This is science. In other words there is data to back this up for all the naysayers out there.You might have to go overseas. Eastern Europe, Latin America and the Orient are places
          to go.  

        2. Food4Thought

          Finding love outside the United States is mentioned several times in this thread.   A coworker of mine from Bulgaria has said that women overseas view marriage/relationships in much the same way American women did back in, let’s say the 1950’s.   He attributes this in large part to the feminism movement in this country, and also cultural differences in general.


        3. Traveller


          My parents were in their late 30’s by the time they married, and didn’t have kinds until their mid-40’s. That was back BEFORE “assisted reproduction” and modern medicine! they’re now in their 90’s and doing great, still on their own.

          WIth any luck, you still have 40 to 50 years ahead of you – plenty of time to see your kids grow up.

      8. 1.2.8

        I agree with you but that is not how our world operates today.   People stay in school right up to 25.   Get their masters.   I work with allot of women who waited till their 30’s to have children.   I got to admit a guy waiting till his 40’s and beyond.   Give me a break….. You are right when they reach 30 they should start looking and stop playing pickup at the bar…


    3. 1.3

      1)I have friends who when they were 25 or 26 years old had children with down syndrome, autism, physical or mental handicap issues. Just because they are young, it does not guarantee they will have a healthy child. I also know women in their 40s giving birth for the first time to super healthy and smart babies. Yes of course older women have higher risks giving birth to healthy babies. However I have read UK medical research report that the older age of men not women were a huge factor on the increase of autism.  
      2)this is why online dating sucks!people only select age ranges. when i was 22/23 years old, men in the 50s/60s were contacting me online-gross. now i am alot older and guys 24-28 years old are asking me out not guys my age-go figure.Go out and meet real people face to face. Strike up conversations while waiting in line for starbucks. Check out your local events calendar for your city and meet people-real people. Go to pool parties. Go DJ/art events. Go to food events sponsored by the city. if you can’t strike a conversation with people in public events, then get a dating coach or something! online dating sites can hide the fact if they are really single or is it someone in a bad marriage posing as a single. when you meet people face to face in public,   people with good character and who are not judgmental are not going to turn you down b/c you are 42. they probably wouldn’t know your age …..unless you are acting, talking and dressing like a 42 year old. BTW lately the single guys i have met who are in the 40s, they act so OLD which turns women off. so research what men in their 30s are wearing, talking about. ask advice from your single and married women friends on what you can improve- on your online profile , appearance, socially. Guys hate to ask for advice; however they can gain alot by asking women what turns women off about men . Women can also gain from asking men advice. there is alot that women do that turn a man off

      1. 1.3.1

        I agree.   There is solid research that shows that some problems increase exponentially with dad’s age (especially bipolar).   Research also says that children of older moms (if they don’t have the dreaded downs or whatever) actually tend to be smarter than kids of younger moms.   I’m not putting anyone down here it’s just that I’ve read up on this when I was pregnant.   If I had it to do again I would have a child young (with someone else young) because it is easier on your body and gives you more time for enjoyment on the tail end of life.   I had a child with a man younger than me – not intentionally, but being in my late thirties it was 20 something guys who wanted to date me!   Worked out great, she is smart and has a very young, energetic dad.

      2. 1.3.2
        Brandon Green

        Sorry i am 54 and get “grossed out” by   women
        my age. Most men do. I get hit on by the younger crowd too may times to think about.   LOL !  

        1. Cat

          I don’t believe you.   What young woman would want to go out with her dad.   Another thing you have nothing in common and your not as viral as a younger man.   You know, you tire easily.   Sorry….but I do understand being attracted to young women..I too am grossed out but only by older men your age…The younger men are much better looking…..

        2. AllHeart81

          Brandon – Not being attracted to every 54 year old woman you meet is one thing. Never being attracted to women your own age and even getting “grossed out” by them sounds like an issue around your own maturity. It makes absolutely no sense at all why someone’s age alone would make you feel “grossed out” unless you personally struggle with your own age and consider yourself a gross individual. Perhaps that is the case? You feel insecure about your own aging process? I am sure you’ve noticed physical changes in yourself from your 30 year old self.

    4. 1.4

      37 and you wont date a 50 year old – fair enough, but don’t call him ‘your dad”.   How many of us had dad’s who were 13 when we were born ?   

      1. 1.4.1

        Well you dont know how old those guys are exactly, do you? 50+  does not neccesarily  mean early 50s. And  having in  mind her age her dad might actually be is his late 50s-early 60s, it is normal  that she associates them more with her dad than with her peers.  

      2. 1.4.2

        I am 33 and my father is 56. There were plenty of men in that range messaging me. They are dad aged.

        1. Vas Alexander

          Then do not respond to them and please do not whine about it all the time;


      3. 1.4.3

        Right..Our society has gone mad. I’ve been getting hit on by women 15-20yrs my senior my whole young adult life. I never thought much of dating an older woman, but boy since I hit 30yrs old women seem to make a bigger deal about a guy dating younger women. I like women 5-8yrs younger than I and the biggest opposition I get is from older women that wouldn’t bat an eye at getting with me.

      4. 1.4.4

        John my mom and dad were both 21 when they had me.   I have guys in their 70’s interested in me and I am totally grossed out because they are only a few years younger then my dad and mom.


    5. 1.5
      Vas Alexander

      “”  I’m not looking to date my dad. Sorry!””

      You shouldn’t look to date your son either Rachelle!
      Many 37 years old women refuse to date men only 3-4 years older than them and they go for the much younger ones.

      1. 1.5.1

        I think women are tired of dealing with a general sense of entitlement a lot of men seem to have about women’s ages. Even to the point that a man wanting to date someone 5 years younger leaves women feeling that the only biggest men appreciate about them is their age. Can you blame women for feeling that way? Take a look how men talk about women here? Women deal with so much external pressure about their age that I think are tired. Perhaps if all this pressure wasn’t placed on women about their age both through society and by men in general, women would be more open to dating older men. But the truth is women are tired of men’s sense of entitlement around their age. Just like men no longer just want to be an extension of their paychecks or job.

    6. 1.6

      I still won’t date a guy over 40 and I’m in my late 30s. This is because I still want to have a family and don’t want someone who is done with that stage of life. Women who are educated and didn’t have kids young don’t want to settle for just anyone.

    7. 1.7

      I want encourage all the guys above the 40’s don’t give up, keep looking and you will find what you seek. And if you can’t find it where you are, don’t be afraid to risk and travel around the world looking for someone to have a family with. There are plenty of Asian women in their 20’s and 30’s that are looking for an older guy to get married and have kids, there are plenty of Latinos women, incredibly hot and mature, that are easy to settle, there are plenty of Eastern European women, Russia, Poland, Bulgaria, Ukraine, just name it few. Just don’t give up your dream choosing a local woman, that will be messed up in her head, while you still have a choice. My great granddad got married at 45 took a 27 year old and had 5 sons with her, so don’t listen the feminist fools that tries to lock you up in a wedding ring, and divorce you with leaving penniless

      1. 1.7.1

        LMAO. And cue the bitter Red Pill guys who will promptly jump in and advise everyone to give up on the American women who won’t have them (just might be the entitled attitude and blatant disrespect for women). That’s right boys. Just find some poor, economically disadvantaged gold digger from a third world country. Oh, and leave any shred of self respect you have left at the border.


        How can you not  understand that, if ALL of the multitudes of diverse women in your own country don’t want you, it’s not  the women’s fault. There’s something wrong with you.

    8. 1.8

      I’m a 32 year old woman who gets hit on frequently by men over the age of forty who are hoping that I can give them children.   No offense to this man, but I agree with the women who say that he waited to long.   While there are exceptions, most younger women (most women in general) prefer to be with a man who is within the same age bracket as we are.   I know I am one of these women, for several reasons.   I’m not opposed to dating an older man however, I prefer to date a man who is the same age as me mainly for commonality.   I can’t speak for all women, but it’s important for me to have something in common with the person I’m dating simply because I find it easier to relate to them that way.   This is the reason why I want to find someone who is at the same stage of life as me.   It’s not that I have anything against the notion of being with a man in his forties, but rather I just find it very hard to relate to them.   Additionally, I don’t have any children right now and would like to keep that option open, however I feel like the older men who hit on me just see me as an option to try preserve their family line.   While I would like to have a child, I just can’t at the moment.   I’ve served in the military for five years, I have very little money and a lousy paying job, I live with my mother and we share a car because I can’t afford my own car, I have significant problems relating to my military service and I’m in school working on a bachelor’s degree.   It’s not fair to place an expectation on me to give you a child when I already have so much that I’m dealing with because you waited to long, and with this I’m not trying to be harsh but it really isn’t, and with a lot of these men there is that expectation.   Additionally, my own father took off when I was very young and left my mother and I with absolutely nothing.   For this reason, I refuse to have a child at this point in my life when I have literally nothing to provide for it.   It just seems unfair to have a child in my situation.       As much as I would like to have children, if I don’t have one by the time I turn 40, I accept that it’s not meant to happen.

      As for this man, I sincerely hope that he’s not throwing away potentially good relationships with nice women over this.   Most times when you see a young woman with a man over 40 (I said MOST not ALL.   There are exceptions), it is usually because he has a lot of money and not because of romantic chemistry.

      With that being said, I personally am not averse to dating an older man provided I like him, we have chemistry and there is no pressure on my part to give him a child.

      Oh and for the men who pointed out that childbearing in women over the age of 34 is a risk factor, there are risk factors in children of men over a certain age too.   A 2011 article in scientific American concluded that children of fathers aged 50 and older are at a significantly higher risk of psychiatric disorders such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder so it’s not just women who get to old to have children.   In a few years, this man will be a medical risk factor himself.


      1. 1.8.1

        Men frequently hit on you hoping  to have a baby?   What do these men say? “Hi, can you give me children  and do you come here often?”   I’d love to be a fly on the wall for those conversations.

        1. GoWiththeFlow


          It’s not so much a “hit on” but more like   they are crash interviewing you as a candidate for the Mrs. position.   Do you like kids?   Do you have any nieces or nephews?   Do you want kids of your own?

    9. 1.9
      Alex A.

      Women these days, just like yourself, are incredibly screwed up. You are 37 yo and don’t want to settle down? So, when do think you would have kids, when you are 45? It makes me sick to see modern families when 45 year olds have their first children. They think they are smart by building up a career first, but they are all incredibly stupid   because the truth is there isn’t really such a thing as having a child too early in life. And for all of you, women, a man will naturally want to have kids with you when you are in your most attractive fertile age of 20-30 yo. Your biological clock says the same. So, when you are 45 chances are higher you will be screwing yourselves, but that does not get you pregnant.

      1. 1.9.1

        I don’t understand why you think women who wait to have kids are screwed up.   It is too early in life to have kids if you aren’t ready for them and know in your heart you wouldn’t be a good mother until you’re ready.   You don’t seem to listen to what’s in a woman’s heart. She’s the one who has to mother that child for the rest of her life. Not you, not I , or anyone else.   She has a right to wait until she wants.

        Why does it ‘make you sick’ to see older parents?   You don’t have to do anything about it so that’s confusing to me.

        Not everyone is going to get pregnant.   And yes, the rate of infertility goes up for women and men with age.   We all know this.

        People making different choices and taking responsibility for those choices, kids or not, isn’t stupid.   In my opinion, that’s exactly what smart, mature people do.

      2. 1.9.2

        I was 38 when I fathered twins during the first month that we attempted to have a child.   She was 31.   Our twins have outranked most of their peers since they were in elementary school, and they are among the youngest in their graduating class.   A lot their performance stems from having older parents who took the time to become established before getting married and starting a family.   Both of their parents hold graduate degrees, and are self-made professionals.   I put myself through college and graduate school, and I did it after serving in uniform on active duty for five years (I enlisted straight out of high school).   A little known fact is that there were no post-service G.I. Bill Rights college benefits from 1/1/1977   through 6/30/1985.   Men and women who enlisted during that period of time were not eligible for the Vietnam G.I. Bill or the Montgomery G.I. Bill.

        1. AllHeart81

          Mark – That’s great but your personal experience doesn’t mitigate biology where men’s sperm does infact go on decline as they hit 31. Glad you had kids and all but that doesn’t mean women shouldn’t factor in men’s ages into the equation when choosing life partners and people to have kids with. It’s funny how much you guys dislike being evaluated for your age even though men do that to us women alot.
          Alot of women are tired of men treating our ages like something they are owed and deserve to own to carry on their genes through children. You got lucky. You married a younger woman. Good for you. Your children turned out healthy. But we all know you never would have married someone 8 years older than yourself even though you felt entitled to marry your younger wife. So just stop defending your male-privilege in settling down with someone significantly younger than you and acting like you are the one that brought more biological worth to the situation.
          On that note, there are studies out there that say older women specifically, not older fathers, are more likely to have smarter, taller, stronger children. So maybe you should attribute those wonderful kids of yours more to your wife instead of bragging about your accomplishments specifically.

    10. 1.10

      If a man wants kids, he needs to someone at least 36 or younger. Yes, men have biological clocks, but it’s not as severe as women’s. And think people over estimate the odds of health in late paternal age. I don’t have any states on men, but I don’t think people realize that even a 40 year old has a 1/38 chance of having a baby with no chromome defects. Too many think it’s 50/50.  https://expectingscience.com/2015/03/06/the-mythical-fertility-cliff-at-age-35/

      1. 1.10.1

        This is a website to help women find love. It is not a website to help men find walking wombs. You should look for the website that helps men find walking wombs that will carry on your DNA instead of trying to force women to view themselves as the walking wombs you see them as. you can talk all day long about what men are entitled to and what a man  ‘needs’ once you find that website that supports your perspective about how women exist to serve your needs as a man. There are plenty of other websites that certainly share your beliefs about why women exist.   But this website is about women finding quality relationships with quality men. This website is about women fviilding better relationships with men. Women are simply people who want love. They are not looking to be a vehicle to your DNA or come to websites designed to help them find love, only to find men like you here you clearly are not interested in helping women find love. Please let us find love. We are not hurting you in anyway by doing so. Let us find what we want   in peace, free from your oppression.

    11. 1.11
      Ari Rashtchian

      Hi Rachelle,

      I just happened to come across this article and comments and ran into your comment. I am 42 year old male, attractive, fit, successful, looking for someone to settle down but seem to find women are emotionally unavailable or not willing to compromise anymore. I am located in Chicago and very hard to find a good soul .

    12. 1.12

      Question, if the man was in his 40’s but looked like early 30’s , would you of still considered him old

      1. 1.12.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        Depends on his spelling/grammar ability.

    13. 1.13

      There are so many factors Evan left out. Let’s begin with how attractive the person is. If a 42 year old man is very attractive then I don’t think many 30 year old woman would pass up a date with that man. Then there’s different cultures where a 10-15 gap is the norm and in the United States there is a wide diversity of cultures. Europeans, Central and South Americans as I know it don’t have the age issue as much as you see here in certain parts of the US. Then there’s a man status, if he has a high ranking position in any area he will be found attractive by woman of any age, then there’s also the 42 year old man that looks 32 but may not be as attractive, he will also attract women who are 30. There isn’t an exact science for this and to say round and round it goes is pretty much like having tunnel vision and take time to develop all the different possibilities. Labeling most woman or most men to a certain category and like saying because a person is black they will do this or if a person is white then they will do that. People are much more complex and each situation is different. The is a forum on here that talks about younger women dating men 15-20 years older and don’t have any issues and you can’t say it’s all about money. Many are very happy. It comes down to a matter of preference based on many different factors. Round and round is a small spectrum of people when you take into consideration the world.

  2. 2
    Mikko Kemppe - Relationship Coach

    Very interesting, realistic, and thorough analysis Evan!! I don’t seem to find anything to disagree with your posts anymore :)…

  3. 3

    There is a huge opportunity being missed here by the online dating companies. How about one called ‘guess my age’ or “Age Anonymous” where you don’t disclose your age upfront? That should shake some things up!

    1. 3.1
      Anthony Thomas (@djfourmoney)

      What huge opportunity? Rewarding women delaying marriage and children looking for Mr. Big (proven by research) or looking for a high risk, high reward projects (Douchebag/Bad Boy/Thug) in their 20’s?
        I have wanted to get married since my mid 20’s, but by the time I hit 30, I took it a bit more serious and then economics came into play. At my income level only single mothers and cast-offs are available and it just got worse and worse as I got older.  
        Is the penalty for not making 50K   rescuing women the rest of Male society impregnants and tosses back?  
        I think not, so my only solution is overseas which I am not shocked Evan didn’t suggest because as well all know America is the best at everything when that statistically can be easily proven to be false.  

      1. 3.1.1

        So you went overseas to buy yourself a woman.   That’s a match made in heaven.   How long do you think that’s going to last?   Make sure you marry her in her country because here, she’s going to take your house and half of everything else you have.   Either way you’re going to be alone in the future with your plan.   

        1. Anthony Thomas

          According to a congressional investigation, much longer than the average marriage between Americans.   Since Feminist wanted to IMBRA law, Congress wanted a study of the industry. You’re lucky much of this info is not widely viewed public knowledge as it’s not good for people like you, it destroys all your preconceived notions about American men who marry women from other countries/cultures.  

            The default culture has not been beneficial to minorities and now it is focusing on men. Because you need men to fight back against an increasingly combative and intrusive Government.

            Ultimately as quality of life continues to tumble in the United States, women will increasingly look for the bigger and better deal and calls for polygamy will get louder; further impacting men in the lower ranges of the middle class.

            By the way, since when should I or other men be more concerned about foreign women taking everything when American women have made an industry of it in the United States?


        2. Mark

          I am 50 and I have women in their 20s wanting to date.So all this stuff about women not wanting to date men over 40 don’t know anything about this subject than they do about fornicating.I am constantly approached by beautiful attractive women.They could care less about age.They just want somebody to treat them with respect.

        3. Mark

          I know a friend of mine who married a South American woman.They have 2kids and are happily married for 20 years.I don’t believe you have the ability to assume some sort of insight into dating women outside the U.S. Do you read Tartot cards!Sounds like you need to put those away.

        4. Vic

          Actually,   Carol.. after reading some of these posts,   he has a better chance.

        5. Johnny

          Carol, you made his point for him. Congrats?

        6. Cat

          Yes that has happened many times here in Canada.   Then these men start crying to anybody that listens.   I don’t feel sorry for them.

      2. 3.1.2

        Anthony what part of America do you live???
        In Washington DC there are ALOT of single black women with houses and no kids making over $100,000  

        1. Anthony Thomas (@djfourmoney)

            I live in Los Angeles if you must know.   I don’t date Black (American) women, feel free to attack that if you want.

            Also why it important to mention how much BW make? Men generally don’t care about what a woman makes and I am one of them.

            It doesn’t make them better people either.   I can show you plenty of ratchet behavior from so-called “Educated” Black women.

      3. 3.1.3

        Wow! “Single mothers and Cast offs?” Dude, you sound bitter A.F.


        I REALLY don’t think the women are the problem here. You’re completely wrong about us not wanting to date men who make under $50K. Many women, myself included, are more than happy to date a “decent” man who makes less than that. However, it IS true that if you aren’t a “decent” man you probably do need to make more money to overcome your other “shortcomings.” Of course, even in that case, you’d only be getting the dregs, since decent women don’t date men just for their money.

      4. 3.1.4

        Anthony Thomas,

        My superior from my previous job is still with her boyfriend of whom is only working part time. I know for a fact that she makes more than her boyfriend. So, there are wonderful, faithful women out there that don’t mind marrying a man who makes less and doesn’t mind being head of household.   I understand your motivation to cast a wider net however beware: some people abroad are only using us to get a visa, gold-digging, and many immigrants over a certain age, tend to struggle to adjust to life abroad what with the language and cultural barriers, not to mention emotional traumas from wars/conflicts/ political instability they endured.

    2. 3.2

      I don’t think it would sell. Most men and women want to be able to filter based on age, each person having their own comfort zone. And yet, some people lie about their age, so you would think that age verification would be demanded. The fact that so many people don’t do it on sites where it’s optional tells me that the number of people who lie is not small. So, my belief is that most people want to weed others out based on age, but don’t want to be judged for their own age.

      1. 3.2.1

        Exactly. Most people want to screen potential mates out for a myriad of reasons that they’d prefer not to be judged for themselves. The perfect example of this syndrome is every man on any dating site that refuses to date a woman his own age or older, yet expects younger women not to screen HIM out. Hypocrites one and all.

    3. 3.3

      Nah, then guys would just spam you with questions about how old you are. I think listing your age up front is best – it cuts out the guys who will automatically discount you. Saves more time and energy on your part, and you won’t get your hopes up each time you see a new message in your inbox, only to find that it just says, “Hey. What’s your age?”

      1. 3.3.1

        One solution to this is to list your age younger in the search result section but be sure to put your real age right upfront in your profile so no one can miss it. I did that as an experiment (just to see what would happen) and got nothing but positive responses from it. Again, I was very clear in my profile what my real age was. I ended up getting twice as many messages from men my own age, who didn’t want to admit that they were one of “those” guys who can’t handle a woman their own age. Most men go on pictures anyway but if they screen out anyone under a certain age in their search results, they simply won’t see you at all. Usually, once they see that women over 40 can be pretty, they are happy to date us.

  4. 4

    When I was 33 I dated a 40 year old. I had no problem with this whatsoever, but at first it seemed like a bit of a novelty. 40 can seem ‘old’ to those of us who are fresh out of our 20’s. It’s an age we can remember out parents being, so it’s a little odd. However, and this may just be me, but I tend to relate best to men who are *slightly* older than me and, at 37, a 42 year old man is rather desirable. Ideally, I’d like to find a guy who is about 2 years older than me, but I’d rather date up a few years than date someone more than 2 years younger. Again, this is just one woman’s perspective.

    In this case, however, I think the failure to find dates may be a function of what this 42 year old is looking for. Unless he and Miss Right find each other, sparks fly, and it’s a very sure thing that happens quickly, the whole settling down and starting a family thing might be tricky. I don’t personally believe that courtships need to last that long, and that if they do last several years there’s something wrong. But you have to find the right person to have this happen, and, as we all know, that gets increasingly difficult with age, self-awareness, and a shrinking pool of date material.

    As a professional woman in her mid-30’s I’d like to add that a lot of us don’t want children. I think some of us choose to remain single on a subconscious level to avoid this whole subject. It may seem that a lot of us have biological clocks ticking away (which is an assumption I believe the original poster is making) but I don’t think that is the case, especially amongst career girls like myself.

    1. 4.1
      Anthony Thomas (@djfourmoney)

      Then I say enjoy the realization that you’ll be single until its fairly obvious you biologically can’t have children or you better start considering men who married early, had children early but finds himself divorced in his mid to late 30’s.

      1. 4.1.1

        Anthony, I think you can only speak for yourself. I know for a fact that most very eligible men in their 40s do not want children. Most men in their 40s, especially the most eligible ones, tend to already have children or they do not want children. Think of the life two people past their mid-30s can share when they remove the burden of having kids. And most of our peers have children old enough to leave at home by themselves, or their children have moved out and moved on with their own lives, so they are free to take a cruise to the Bahamas on a whim, or hop on a plane to Europe, or just pop out to a movie and romantic dinner. Why would a woman in her later 30s or early 40s want to give that up to pop a baby out for some egotistical male who thinks the world just has to have his genes passed on into the next generation? I find men who don’t want kids at that age to be far sexier in both mind and spirit.

        1. Trey

          Jennalee-Everyone is entitled there or desires out of the other. You can fall in love with someone without seeing them as a sperm donor or egg carrier. Granted, the guy is not handling the most mature, but if a 42 year old wants to have kids, there’s no harm in trying. The risks of older men doesn’t really become that severe until over 50. And if they don’t find someone who wants that, then they will will just have to make peace. But just because you find men over 40 wanting kids as being less mature and less sexy, doesn’t mean someone will. I don’t think you wanting kids for men 40 is really a sign of immaturity for every case. Heck, Mel Gibson at 60, just got his 26 year girlfriend pregnant. Whether it has defects, remains to be seen. And Clint Eastwood (early 80s), has a daughter that’s almost 20.

      2. 4.1.2

        JennLee is totally right. Most men in their 40s who are dating are divorced, already have kids and do NOT want more. What most of them seem to be looking for is a younger woman who doesn’t want kids. Heather is probably the ideal woman for the vast majority of middle aged men.

    2. 4.2

      No courtship shouldn’t be (that long as you put it) put in today’s   society courtship is nonexistent and that’s how you end up with a divorce rate such as we have. My husband and I dated 2 years and it took a year to plan our wedding. So 3 years seems reasonable.  

    3. 4.3

      Well now with technology women can freeze thier eggs
      and have up to 50yrs old to have kids!!! So you dont
      have to rush. I did.  

      1. 4.3.1

        Have you personally done testing to see how long those eggs stay “fresh” for lack of a better term?

        1. AllHeart81

          Have you done any testing to see if your sperm is of quality?

      2. 4.3.2

        Touche AllHeart81!

        1. AllHeart81

          It’s sincerely strange to me how many people *only* focus on women’s fertility . There is wonderful information on Webmd about male fertility. Statistically, infertility issues are caused by women 1/3 of the time. And they are also caused by men 1/3 of time. Yet we still exclusively focus on women. When the children are healthy, everyone acts like it was all because of the Dad. when the children are unhealthy everyone immediately says “Well what factors did the mother contribute!” Even our history in the medical field has contributed to this level of sexism when women were once largely and only blamed for birth defects back in the day. I am not sure of this blog site allows for other links to be posted. All you need to do is google male fertility statistics.

        2. JennLee

          I agree completely AllHeart81!   Men need to knock that off.   Both men and women have fertility risks as they get older, and honestly those risks aren’t actually very high, so people need to stop making it an issue.   Most defects can be detected long before the 3rd trimester, so this is not a huge issue.


          To the younger people reading this blog, I would advise to follow Evan’s advice, and make finding a spouse more of a priority in your twenties.   I would advise to be serious in your early 20s, so that you may find they right person, and maybe get married in your mind to late twenties, then have children on your early thirties.


          To those who are older, stop making an issue of this. The risks are not that big.






    4. 4.4
      Vas Alexander

      Seriously if you think about it…33 and 40 are not that far away.
      I do not know why someone who is 30 years old and a bit more believes that she is still a youngster !

      1. 4.4.1

        I remember in the 90s when “age was but a number”.

        Those were the days.

        1. AllHeart81

          You mean ‘age was but a number’ when women where picking men but not when men were picking women. Doesn’t feel so good to be on the other side of that does it.

      2. 4.4.2

        Thats bullshit. 33 is not close to 40. Can you do math?

      3. 4.4.3

        In this day and age a 30 year old woman is a younger and a 30 year old man is old. That’s why a 40 year old man who pursues a 30 year old woman is regarded as a creepy cradle robber whereas 40 year old women are thinking 30 year old men are a bit too old for them.

        1. Rustylh

          Not sure what day and age you are living in, but the census on who marries who shows that while older woman, younger man relationships did increase compared to the past, that isn’t drastic. The statistics still show that more often than not, people marry very close to their own age…about 4 out of 5. And yet there are still a large number that do have a significant age gap, and these are overwhelmingly mostly relationships were the man is older. What you want the situation to be, is not what the situation actually is.

          People are going to do what works for them. If dating younger men is working for you…more power to you. If it is not, then you have to reassess your situation. Don’t talk about how many men proposed marriage. I listen to men, and the younger guys chasing older women openly admit that they will do so, if they think it will allow them to keep a relationship going for another year or two.

          Others will admit to being willing to actually marry an older woman if she has significantly more assets than he does. But they openly admit that they will likely not be faithful. This has a familiar ring to it…the young girl who marries a much older man who is wealthy…but then carries on with the pool boy, and the tennis coach, and the gold instructor, etc…

          The situation you described may be the reality for the women in your circle, but it is not the reality for the majority of people. Everywhere I go, I see far far far more relationships where the woman is the younger of the two, and many times, by a significant number of years. The times I see a 30 year old guy with a 40 year old woman, are actually rare, and I work in a business where I deal with a lot of men, and even live in a Navy town where because of the surplus of younger men, it should be very easy for older women to date and marry younger men…and yet that is not the reality.

          But what is most important is that all of us have to remember that Evan is right when he says that your dating pool does not consist of who you want to date. It consists of who will date you.

          When it comes to the next level, it is harder for people to know who is really available to them, because dating is not the same as marrying, and neither is living together the same as marrying, and like it or not, there are people who will willingly fool you into thinking they are willing to marry…eventually…when they are not. This is, to the best of my knowledge, what Evan does for people…help them understand who is available to them, help them improve that, and then help them see who is actually just wasting their time, for their own selfish motivations.

  5. 5

    There are plenty of women online in their late 30’s who already have kids and don’t want more or maybe would like to have MORE kids that will date men in their early 40’s but of course those 40 something guys have to be “hotter”,”richer”,better job etc than their 30 something counterpart.Does that mean I think a 34 yr.old with no kids that wants some will date a 43 yr.old that wants some? No,they won’t most of the time.But a 37 or 38 woman with a guy 42 or 43 isn’t out of the question or unrealistic.

    1. 5.1
      Of German descent

      When I was 32, I met and started dating a girl who was 4 years older than me. We started out as friends and it lasted like that for almost 2 years. Things then got serious. We became intimate and very close, lived together, vacationed together,   we were all but married on paper. I started asking her about getting married, she kept putting it off. When I turned 36, she made a big party and announced in front of family and friends, she accepted my proposal and we will marry.

      I was overjoyed! After the party ended, I said lets get married with a quick wedding and lets get pregnant because we have no time to waste, she knew I wanted a family, 2+ kids. She said she loved me but that she was 4 years older that kids was not a good idea to her.   I felt trapped and used. Everything was great and just what I thought a marriage could be, sure we had our arguments and disagreements but we always were able to come to an understanding, a mutual compromise, and making up was always the best.

      This cut me down. I said no children, no marriage. We separated. It took several years to regroup then I met my ex, she was my age and wanted a family too. I said great. We dated for a year and a half, married and our child was born 9 months later.

      And then, everything shut down. Separate bedrooms, no more anything together.   She knew her ability to conceive was coming to an end. Money and her job was her priority and our child was just for show just like her car and our house.

      I am looking for an honest woman to start a family. I have never hidden that fact. I dated an older woman, didn’t work out because she did not want children. Married a woman my age, who couldn’t care less about family but had to show how perfect she is from child to job and everything in between. So now, I will try dating a woman who knows from the start that I want a family of 2+ children and that our relationship is based on love and trust.


      1. 5.1.1

        She was 4 years older..that’s not an “older woman”…how old was the woman that had your child? Funny if she was 4 years or more younger   you wouldn’t have said “younger woman” ..I think I now know why those women left you..man!

        1. Rustylh

          You have a perception issue. He never said she was an older woman. He just noted that this “girl” was 4 years older than him. I sense a lot or projection on your part.

  6. 6

    I am a 38 year old woman, the challenge is that most men in their 40’s act and seem old. They do not keep up with current events, music or fashion (think goatees and mom jeans). They often seem very very stuck in their ways. So as an attractive 38 year old, I am able to attract young men, and prefer their vibrancy. The older men who do keep up and are a tiny bit metrosexual probably have a easier time of it. Maybe you can do a little to be more attractive to the women you are looking at…. I really want to date men my own age…..

    1. 6.1

      Michelle, you hit the nail on the head! i’ll be 40 in about 10 more months. I’ve done everything your supposed to do to die before age 30 and some how I’ve survived. I continue to LIVE my life. and I can attract younger women… BUT I’d also really like to date women my own age… Same problem though, they’ve either given up on themselves completely and or they are so jaded and sore its just one huge emotional mistrustful minefield. I do my best as far as “fashion” goes… However there will NEVER be a pair of Skinny jeans in my closet, Cuz as far as I’m concerned that whole “Metro” thing is just another word for Bi-curious LOL!!!   

      1. 6.1.1
        Anthony Thomas (@djfourmoney)

          Another victim beaten down by feminism, what on earth is so important about marrying a woman the same age as you? So you can both quote meaningless popular culture references? To both listen to some 80’s big hair metal band? In most cases a woman 4-5, even 10 years younger will still know some of these things. The importance people put on non-important stuff is shocking to me. Men the clock is on your side and if you’re not finding reasonable options in America, there’s always overseas.

        1. jessica roden

          Hi Anthony, your problem is your hate for women. You have been hurt very bad in the past and shot down and you clearly show that. May God be with you   and help you find love in your heart and happiness. I feel for you. I really do.  

        2. jessica roden

          By the way, the clock is not on your side. All of us get old and unattractive. We all die. Men get impotent at 40 plus years and have to get on viagra. That should tell you something. For some reason, you think women are supposed to serve you. Maybe if you work on your attitude, you will be able to find a nice woman in America. You have been rejected for a reason. Think about it.

        3. Highway

          Anthony, I think you’re just bitter about something….  

        4. Tom

          Classic feminist tactic… the ad hominem attack. You say something they don’t like, so there must be something wrong with you.

        5. Chris

          I agree that the real issue here is your bitterness Anthony.   Some counseling never hurt anyone.   We all get hurt, we all get broken, but you need to fix that before you move forward.   Good luck.  

        6. Don Kirchner

          To Jessica ~ I just stumbled across this lengthy list of postings to Adam’s letter, and have to say you seem to be closest to Anthony’s issue at it’s core. But here may be a shocker to many of you: A lot of us “Baby Boomers” (men and women) have taken pretty good care of ourselves. I for one have never even tried Viagra or other ED enhancers, and with a vibrant, caring woman I’m as viral as I ever was. To all of you with age issues, we may look like your fathers, but we are so much more…with caring, sensitive and even vibrancy someone discounted above. I’m not looking for a girl in her 30’s, but I’m still a guy at heart…and can outwork, outplay, out-earn and (surprisingly?) out-love most of them. Sorry I won’t have the chance to meet or enjoy your company. When you hit the 50’s you’ll see what I mean…

        7. JennLee

          I see a lot of bitterness on this blog. I see it from women and men…not just from Anthony. But, when one of us ladies express anger, bitterness, or frustration, we don’t jump on them and say, “see, you are just bitter, and that’s why you are being rejected by men.”

          I would prefer to see people stop all this blame game stuff. Both men and women can create babies into their 40s and beyond. The question is, should they, and my answer to that is no for both of them. But hey, do what you want. To the men acting like all a woman is good for is bearing children, you are ignorant and I find you repugnant. Thankfully, I have never met men like you in real life. You are the same as women who think men are only good for one thing…providing them with material things or money.

          And ladies, you can stop making an issue of viagra. Maybe you have never been with a guy who used it. I have. At first I was put off by the thought of it because I did not understand it. But I was with a guy I found very attractive ad he was respectful enough to be honest about it. So I wanted to give him a chance. He excused himself to take his pill, and then we sat and watched a movie for a little while and talked. I thought the pill would just make him get hard…which was what turned me off. I wanted to know that it was me. Well we were cuddling and just talking as the movie played and I was waiting for him to get hard. I asked if the pill was not working and explained that I thought it would have made him get hard by now. He just smiled warmly and said that the pill doesn’t make him get hard, it just restores the ability to do so. He said that I am what would make him hard, not the pill. I assure you that my attitude shifted, and i shifted into high gear at that point, becoming much more passionate, and my reward was one of the best nights of sex ever. So it seems modern medicine makes having to chase young brats obsolete if what you are after is good sex.

          I also find plenty of 40+ men who like to go out and do things. I’m not a club person though. I agree that most 40+ men don’t like to go to clubs to dance, but neither do I. I prefer better things to do. I got over the club scene a long time ago. Oh, I should correct that. I do know some older guys who like to go dancing at the clubs, but I prefer other activities.

          As for couch potatoes, I did date one once, and he is no longer a couch potato. I think marriage does that to a lot of guys. They no longer have the money to do many of these things so the get out of the habit. I would call this guy up and tell him that I was coming by to pick him up and tell him how he should get dressed. After several times of doing this, he started calling me and telling me what to wear, and he picked me up. He just needed somebody to rejuvenate his attitude and I knew that. The only problem is, when he became active again, he lost the desire for a long term relationship. He was afraid of falling back into that rut.

          But I find plenty of men over 40 who are not couch potatoes. I feel that some women are simply making excuses to justify their lack of desire to date older men. I looked through some profiles recently for both men and women. I notice a lot of women putting their age ranges lopsided in favor of younger men. What are they thinking? Men are even more averse to marrying older than women are. So if you won’t date a man who is 10 years older, don’t you think that men 10 years younger might feel that way about you? Sorry, but I feel much better in a relationship knowing that a man cherishes me, and I know I am not likely too get that from a significantly younger man. I know have learned through experience that while you still have to be choosy, you will feel much more cherished by a slightly older man. I don’t want way older, but slightly older, in my opinion is better.

        8. Julia

          @Don Kirscher

          “To all of you with age issues, we may look like your fathers,  “

          You hit the nail on the head. I don’t have the desire to sleep with men who look like my father. If that’s an age issue, then I’ve got an age issue. I am 33 and never had trouble attracting men in their 30s. I ended up with a man who is 39, I guess there are plenty of men and women who are in the same age range who find one another. Despite what many of the older men who comment here want to believe, we aren’t all desperate enough to end up with men 20-25 years older than us.  

        9. Shawn

          You hit the nail on the head. Let em eat cake! I’m 35yrs old & I’ve recently given up on our women. Feminism has ruined this country. I’ve been looking since about 25yrs old. They’re either very dominant and controlling, still trying to sew their oats, unfaithful, burdened down with children from previous marriages or relationships, or they are sweethearts with great potential as wives; however are usually surrounded by very the negative types I just mentioned that want the more desirable girls just as corrupt and miserable like them. I’ve come to the conclusion that the pickings are jist too slim in America. I’m dating abroad now and am in a great relationship with an educated, beautiful and childless 23yr old woman abroad.  

        10. Lau_ra

          Anthony,you are talking nonsense. Why does it  bother you so much that a man wants a woman his age? You seem stuck with an idea of a woman as some depreciating asset.  Many posts of yours that I saw until now have this “lets look for young women overseas” line. Guess what – I live in one of the countries of Eastern Europe  and none of the single women I know dream about older men from USA  coming to save us from spinsterhood. Thank God, good old feminism got here sooner than you! Get a reality check, man – the  cold hard truth is  that you’d prefer  buying yourself a woman from some disadvantaged country than actually invest in your looks and do lots of inner work to eliminate the deep seated hate you have for women.

      2. 6.1.2

        Don: You say, “We may look like your fathers, but we are so much more…with caring, sensitive and even vibrancy”


        Well, the same thing can be said about older women, but you don’t see a lot of men rushing out to date above (or most times even IN) their own age range. What’s good for the goose… Don’t you realize that women don’t want to date someone who looks like their fathers any more than you want to date someone who looks like your mother?


        The solution for all people (men AND women) is to imagine what you want in a mate, how you’d like to be treated, and understand that (with few exceptions) the opposite sex feels exactly the same way you do.   We all want to be valued for more than superficial things but we all also want someone we find attractive. If you aren’t particularly young or fit or wealthy why do you think someone else should settle for what you won’t tolerate yourself? So many people clearly feel entitled to qualities they can’t deliver themselves.

    2. 6.2

      Dating younger men is sooo much better.   I am 41yrs  
      and my boyfriend is 28yrs. I want kids.  

      1. 6.2.1

        You probably have already seen that ship sail.

        1. Cat

          oh my nasty


        2. Cat

          Hey   Johnny, when I was growing up there were women who were having children in their 50’s.   We called them the menopause babies.   My great aunt Claire had a child late in life, a surprise shall we say.   Her daughter was younger then her grandchildren.   She was my dad’s cousin and I was older then her as well.   So the chances of a 41 year old woman having a baby is good.   It might take a little longer to get pregnant but it can happen.


        3. ML

          green with envy

    3. 6.3

      Yes I agree men age after 40! Im 41 and still shop at Forever 21
      21 to 30 yr old men hit on me all the time. I have no c
      problem. The doctors also say im as fertile as a 21yr old
      and were amazed at my health results.

      1. 6.3.1

        tracy thas all fine and good for now but what are you going to do when you wake up 50 and the guy you were with is now with someone his own age?   Don’t you women   get it ie;   Demi Moore……

        1. DJ

          Women should be able to date younger men without any social stigma. I am 44 years old and look like I am in my early 30s. I exercise regularly, watch what I eat,  take care of my skin, and have a great wardrobe. I have a very good job and financially independent.  I don’t have kids nor do I want any.   I have no problem dating a younger guy or a guy my age; it is wise to be open-minded otherwise you are limiting yourself. I do think that younger men take better care of themselves, overall. Someone mentioned being scared of seeing a 50+ year-old-woman’s body, but it is way scarier to see a naked man in his 50s, especially someone who has let himself go.

        2. JennLee

          DJ, you said “I have no problem dating a younger guy or a guy my age; it is wise to be open-minded otherwise you are limiting yourself.”   I’ll just leave that right there, so you can see if you can find your blind spot.


          Also, you say that you do think that younger guys take better care of themselves.   Well the truth is that they do not.   In all age groups you have those who do and those who do not.   There’s no shortage of younger guys who are killing their brain cells as fast as they can, with all manner of drugs, chemicals, and alcohol.   There is no shortage of younger guys who are fat, out of shape, couch potatoes, video game addicts, etc…


          And please enlighten us as to why a 50 year old man’s body is scarier than a 50 year old woman’s body.   Maybe because we aren’t actually judging another woman’s body as a possible candidate as a sex partner?


          If he takes reasonably good care of himself, I think a 50 year old man can be very sexy.




        3. Al

          Um, yeah. That same logic applies to older men chasing younger women.

      2. 6.3.2

        Tracy that’s terrific

    4. 6.4
      Vas Alexander

      You can’t be serious!
      You are 38 probably 39 by now and you dare to call a 40 years old man (just one or two years older than you) an “old man”??!
      You are not that serious.  

    5. 6.5

      You make a good point about 40 something men being out of it. Another poster said something to the effect of they all list their hobbies as only grilling and sports.  but remember a huge percent of men in this age bracket are divorcees with kids. They’ve been all about family for the last decade. They’ve let their hobbies and interests lapse because they’ve spent every free moment of the last 10-15 years shuttling junior and juniorette to endless practices, games, recitals, and play dates. And if they weren’t doing that they were working like dogs to pay for it all. Give them Just a little  break.

      1. 6.5.1

        Bruce – I think that’s great advice. Especially for men who have been busy raising families. A family man can have great qualities. But perhaps men could do the same for us ladies and not always be looking to date someone necessarily  their juniors – such as the man who wrote to Evan wondering why younger women were not interested in him.

  7. 7

    I’m surprised women aged 37 – 42 aren’t interested interested in men in their early 40’s. Is this really a trend? I don’t consider 5 yrs either way an age difference anyway so I don’t get it.

    This older men preferring younger women thing though, doesn’t seem to have any end to it. Lately, an 89 yr. old man has developed a crush on me. Not only do I not want to date someone my Dad’s age, I definetly don’t want to date someone 20 years older than my Dad!

    I get the idea “find the people who want you” , but hey! there’s a limit ya know. 🙂

    I like your “Guess my age ” suggestion Carol. I think it would shake up some people’s perceptions of older/younger. I also think it could be a bit of an eye opener to those who believe they look much younger than they are. You don’t look 10 years younger than your age to someone who actually IS 10 years younger than you are. Trust me.

    1. 7.1

      I’d say the reason they aren’t interested in these guys is because a lot of them – if not most – tend to have an entitled attitude similar to the subject of this article.   They also tend to expect a woman to be in great shape, attractive, etc., but rarely do that themselves (even though they seem to think they look great for some bizarre reason).   The other reason I can think of is that they often cannot get over past relationships and bring them up constantly – either they are not over their bitter divorce or there is a “one that got away” that they can’t get over.   I know this all because I was single up until my late 30’s, then had a baby with a younger man.   It is really usually not FUN to date a man in that age bracket.   Most people who are single want to meet someone they can have fun and enjoyable times with.   

      1. 7.1.1

        Yes I definitely agree. Men take heartbreak worse than women.
        Dating over 36 yr old men, actually over 30 and the fun declines

        1. Mark

          How ignorant can you be “fun Factor”Maybe
          You are no fun.what an idiotic statement.Grow up.Fun factor huh?Well I am a pilot ,motorcyclist.Scuba diver,Golfer,actor.How shallow you are to make a comment like that.Maybe you can try to compete but I doubt you could keep up..Oh and I am physically fit.I guess you have to be to sail a yacht,

        2. Ray Randall

          Nope…..you are absolutely wrong. Again, you people keep lumping all people of an age into one group and assume they act the same. And yes, I know I look good, and it is not for some bizarre reason. Why is there so much hatred of people older than 25 on this site? You do realize that everybody gets older, right? If you live long enough, you will be 80 one day. At 80, i might just start getting some grey hair. Lol.

        3. Johnny

          Maybe it’s just you and what you attract.

        4. Lana

          It’s funny to me. Tracy is saying the exact same thing guys say about dating younger women – the only difference is the female perspective – and so many guys are quick to jump on her for it. “Maybe that’s just what you’re attracting” “Idiotic” “Wrong, shallow” etc. She could be all of these things, but you would never throw that vitriol at a man who only dates significantly younger. If fact, you’d probably be supportive of his choice, and say how your own dating experience with women over 35 (or 30, or even 25 in some cases) reflects his observations.

          As Evan stated many times and as commenters have pointed out, maybe people with bad relationship histories should reflect on how they got there rather than blaming their poor choices on men/women of certain ages. It sounds like Tracy isn’t looking for anything serious anyway, which is fine, so I would take her comments (and the comments of any 40+ guy trying to date 15+ years younger, for the same reason) with a grain of salt.

        5. JennLee

          I agree with you Lana. However, just like I think a man saying any woman over 30, the fun declines drastically, is an idiot, I think the same of women who would say that of men. It’s also just plain not true. My experience has been that age has no bearing on how fun a person is to be around, and that goes for both women and men, friends or boyfriends. I know both men and women who are in their twenties who are about as dynamic as a wet firecracker. I know men and women over 50 whom I can’t keep up with. I know an 80 year old white man who still does roofing, and many younger guys can’t keep up with him. He reminds me of that guy who at 79 was still barefoot water-skiing. I think his name was Banana George. Even at 79, he could barefoot water ski, holding the tow line in his teeth while holding bananas in his hands. Would I want to date him? No, he is way too old for me. However, if I were over 65, I would probably think he’s the cat’s meow. But, I can also admit that even at his age, he was likely a lot more fun to be around than many guys a fraction of his age.

          This also allows me to see that many men my age and older are a lot of fun to be around, and date. I look at the man, not his age so much.

          That said, because I am not interested in just casual sex and casual relationships, I am not very attracted to much younger men. I refuse to live in fantasy land where you can ignore the true intentions of the vast majority of them.

      2. 7.1.2

        I have dated a couple of women who can’t
        Get past their past relationship.They dwell on
        It talk about so wise up!

    2. 7.2

      I am 41yrs old when I met my boyfriend who is younger  
      than me(he is 28yrs old). He never asked my age because he thought I was younger than him! People  
      are always shocked at my real age.

      1. 7.2.1
        Vas Alexander

        Why doesn’t anyone bash you over this , if you were a man 41 years old and you had a 28 years old girlfriend everyone would be shocked by it writing comments about you “exploiting” the “poor little girl”.


      2. 7.2.2
        Ray Randall

        Same here…..was refused entry into a club when I was 30 because the bouncer thought no way in hell I could be over 21…even with a valid ID with hologram.

    3. 7.3
      Vas Alexander

      I agree but these kind of people are the ones who are   shaping relationships today and this is why relationships have been destroyed.

    4. 7.4
      Ray Randall

      No…..I actually do look younger. I am 43 and I look younger than most 30 year olds. Trust me….many objective opinions on this. And I have more fun too.

  8. 8

    I like Carol’s post! That would indeed be interesting! I’m on match and almost always completely ignore the info at the top of the profile. Age, height, have kids/want kids, body type, ethnicity etc.

    I just read what people write about themselves and it’s only from reading the chat on Evan’s blog that I’ve come to realise that this isn’t normal! I have regularly dated guys and found myself asking after 5/6 weeks, “how old are you”?, “younger, older than me!?” I don’t take it in, I just go by whether their physical appearance suggests they’re young or old to the extent that it makes me feel uncomfortable.

    I don’t get people that have strict age limits; for me ten years older is fine and re younger, so long as they’re out of their teens and seem it, I’m open minded! But then I’m in my twenties; who knows how I’ll feel in 20 years time!?

    1. 8.1


      Sophie, I’ve found that most people tend to get pickier as they get older. Which is completely counter-intuitive, since, for most, their options decrease with age.

      Thank you for not being so close-minded. You’re a catch.

      1. 8.1.1
        Of German descent

        I will marry any woman who we together love and trust each other. What is part of that relationship is that the compromise is that we try to have at least 2 children. If we can’t conceive that’s OK but don’t tell me you can and want to when you can’t or don’t want to.

  9. 9

    Hey Adam, sad to say…you’ve had your chance to meet women who are in child bearing age and can have your children when you were in your 20s and early 30s. How come you wanna have kids only in your late 30s?

    And frankly, nowadays women are leading a more active lifestyle than men in general. Older men (among even my early 30s guy friends), they tend to wanna be couch potatoes and home-bound. Whereas women still in their 30s wanna go out, do stuff, etc are even financially independent to continue to do so without tying herself down to be a child-bearing machine. So, a guy who is 40-ish…I’d be wondering what he can offer.

    1. 9.1

      Shay, what’s you’re problem, men can have children at any age, unlike women, who’s eggs start to lower in numbers with each year after about 25. So maybe you should have had children in your early 20’s.

      But couples are having their children in their late 30’s and early to mid 40’s.
      My cusin just had his first child at 37, and his girlfriend is about 13-15 years old.
      I find this to be the case where I live in new york.
      The women here, love and are having children by men 8-15 years older than they are.
      And men and woman who are in relationships together are also having their children in their early to mid 40’s.
      So to the op, I wouldn’t listen to the arrogant 30 something women here, because they don’t count at the real women out side in the real world, that is why they are on online dating sites, most of them are lying about their age in their profiles anyways, and they wear heavy makeup to cover up their age when you see them in person.

      So stay off the online dating sites, theirs nothing there but liars and snobby woman who are not confident enough for the most part to get a man on their own in the real world.

      1. 9.1.1

        I’m sorry, I meant to say, my cusins babies mother is 13-15 years younger than my cusin.

      2. 9.1.2

        Ummm dark, obviously not a dr. Men and women start to lose their fertility at about 25. By about 33 men are also starting to lose the rigidity of their erections. Men age. It is possible for a man tofather a child at 370, but not ve. Men age. Further, women arent stuck up just bc they arent into you. The 1st rule of having the maturity to date is you have to be able to handle rejection like an adult.

        1. SparklingEmerald

          I had my first & only child at age 34 (almost 35). Conceived him the FIRST time we had sex without birth control. (a very planned conception) I did not use ovulation predictors or any sort of fertility aid, except to make a point of having even more sex around the time of my cycle that I guessed I would be most fertile. My grandmother started having children in her late 30’s. She had 4 babies, and one miscarriage, starting in her late 30’s. So if this is “losing fertility”, I guess that means in our early 20’s we could have conceived without actually having sex.

        2. Mark T

          About men losing the rigidity in their erections by the age of 33.. no way.   I can’t speak for other men, only myself.   I can assure you that my sex drive and the rigidity of my erection hasn’t dropped much since I was 18, and now I’m 45.
          I’m fit, I’m sharper than I’ve ever been in my life (and less stupid), and I have women on my mind as much as I did when I was 18. I’m adventuresome and have not become set in my ways, and never will.
          I’m also an unwavering, passionate romantic, and I’m resolutely monogamous. I love seeing great long-term relationships, although truly great ones are truly uncommon.
          Please read all of my points here, before forming an angry opinion.
          Here’s the reality of it– and I know that I’m speaking for a lot of men. There are two things that will crank my sex drive way up… one of them is a woman I love very much, and the other is a woman I am very physically attracted to– and whether I like it or not, she has to be fit and young enough to be of reproductive age. I’m stuck with that reality.
          Biologically, this is the basic mechanism of physical attraction, and much of it is undeniably visual for most men, and that means young women. It’s rarely spoken about, but these are nature’s drives that go back long before we were cave people, and that’s why there are 7 billion people on this planet. Beyond physical attraction which is subconsciously tied to reproductive drives, there can be love that goes much deeper.
          Many men can physically and biologically father children right up into their 60s or 70s. That’s a fact. Sperm-quality may drop, but it doesn’t nose-dive at the age of 40 like egg-quality does; the decline is very gradual.
          These men are not dirty old men just because they find young women hot.   Why should that change just because they get older? It doesn’t, so get over it!   Many men are biologically wired that way, and no complaining or debating will change that.
          There are other psychological factors that will lower any man’s sex drive, and lower the rigidity of his erection. Things such as internal distractions, personal and life stresses, pressure, and lack of attraction to the woman. Age has less to do with it, except that some people become more stressed and pressured at certain periods in their life, often middle-age, whether you’re a man or a woman.
          As far as good-quality long-term relationships go, there are three important things that have nothing whatsoever to do with age. It’s about love, attraction, and above all the quality of their personal connection. This includes interests & passions & personality connection… and a shared sense of humour also adds a lot.
          In the long term, the quality of their personal connection is probably the most important, because it will add fuel to the first two. Of all the marriages that I have seen fail, it is the lack of deep personal connection that mostly causes failure years later.
          About the deep personal connection, young men and young women usually miss out when choosing their partners, because the other two factors blind them initially. It can often take a few years of being together before the depth of that is known. Hasty marriages add to the high divorce rate.
          People fall in “love”, and are attracted to each other… and often this lasts only a few years. But a very strong personal connection will go a long, long way. Unfortunately, from the hundreds of relationships I have seen, such great connections are simply rare. This is partly because people get tied up in relationships, long before they ever know what they might really want out of life.

        3. Johnny

          LOL! If a guy loses his woodie, odds are he has circulatory issues that go beyond a blue pill.

          Your ad hominem wasn’t surprising, since you really can’t back your made up numbers.

        4. Al

          Mark, the “biology” argument has totally lost traction among biologists, behaviorists and the medical community. But, hey, if we’re going that route, you have to admit that the females would have similar biological imperatives, i.e., the “Alpha Male” argument. So, if men can’t move past the paleolithic, maybe we women are also simply “biologically” attracted to strong, attractive, muscular men who look like Daniel Craig and are fabulous providers. If you’re not on par with that, well then, I just you’ll just have to accept reality and deal with being passed over for men who are. Does that sound reasonable to you? Me neither. It doesn’t work any better when the script is flipped. The truth is that we are no longer cavemen and we have made a civilization that rises above that kind of nonsense. We also no longer accept that clubbing each other over the heads is acceptable behavior. People can and have advanced culturally. In fact, a recent study shows that not even chimps actually prefer “alpha” males, preferring the nice beta guys instead. Let’s be honest here for just one moment. Sure, there are some folks who are exceptions to this, but the vast majority of people who prefer to date younger than their own age group do it for strictly superficial, shallow reasons and then try to make up excuses as to why it’s not shallow and superficial. It is. If that’s all you aspire to and you can actually find someone who’s willing to accommodate your desires, go for it. For me though, even if a guy DOES look like Daniel Craig, it’s not enough by itself. He’d have to have more to offer than six pack abs. Sadly, for a lot of folks the “pretty” alone is enough.

      3. 9.1.3

        I love how ALL the guys posting here rigorously defend their attraction to women extremely younger than themselves by using the tired old “biologically wired” line. Has it ever occurred to any of you that there is a gigantic media influence at work here, which has wired your brains your entire lives? Television, movies, magazines, pornography, etc., they all SCREAM at you that only young, fit girls and women are worthy of being sexually desired. You have been brainwashed your entire lives into believing that the only woman worth desiring is a young one. There are sexy, vibrant, beautiful women to be found at all stages of life. I often wonder what would happen if the media began to  put the focus on finding  women of all ages sexy and desirable. Wouldn’t that be something to see gorgeous 48 year old women being celebrated as much as a 23 year old girl?

        1. Of German descent

          I do find a woman who is 48, 49 or 50 attractive and sexy, my ex is, many of my friends are. The problem is, I want to have a family. If we can get pregnant and have a family, than lets do it.

          I don’t want to just have sex, which I think is great, I want a family with children. I have many an opportunity to have all the sex I want. I only just want to make love to my wife because I love her and want to have a family just like my parents did. I have a great brother and a fantastic sister. We are very close and all are married (except for me, the divorce and hopefully soon the annulment so I can start with a clean slate) and our spouses and children are truly wonderful.

    2. 9.2
      Every guy in NYC

      “Go out” is codeword for “alcoholic” or someone with a drug problem. My last 2 girlfriends were coke heads. . . both graduated from top 10 schools and worked in big law, both late 30’s.
      No thank you, Ms. girl who wants to go out. I will be more than happy sitting at home where I cant get disbarred, and you cant pawn my watch you took off the dresser.

      1. 9.2.1

        You dated lawyers? never mind that law is a profession with laughably low satisfaction numbers, but you dated women who argued for a living?


        1. Josie


          this helps confirm what I have suspected all along about certain men avoiding me because of my profession.

          Never mind that I am extremely satisfied with my law career, and work 8:30 to 5:30 with ample vacation time off and great benefits. I am paid well and have plenty of time to pursue hobbies and vacation with friends and family.    I have run into certain men who are prejudiced against female lawyers.   Never mind the fact that many of my female colleagues at my office are in long term happy marriages, some with kids.

          But if this is what these guys think, well, glad to hear it up front.

        2. JennLee

          Not all men have a problem with a woman’s profession.   It can make it a little harder to find a good man, though.   Here’s the good news.   You are a lawyer who undoubtedly makes a decent living.   This frees you to find a good guy who will appreciate you.   Don’t look for the usual suspects.   Maybe he will be the guy who fixes your AC, or a UPS driver who delivers to your office, from time to time.   Or Maybe a carpenter who is working on a house next door.

        3. Lau_ra / to Josie

          Josie,  I’m a lawyer too and I noticed many people (not just men) tend to act on presumptions about lawyers as people, forgetting that law is what we *do* and after the office door is closed, we are perfectly capable to live your human lives. I can’t  be  bothered about it less, as those who like me or love me (including men) don’t really care if I get paid for arguing, sowing or painting. However Johnny might  be on something here –  I know very few couples where  both spouses are lawyers. I guess its cause when the disagreements appear, they are impossible to solve due to new arguments presented  by each party, lol

  10. 10

    I have to disagree here. I don’t think it’s just bad luck. As a 29 year old woman, most of my friends who have done online dating have stated on their profile that they’d be willing to date a guy up to 10 years older than them. I’d venture to say that most women who are at the settling down phase would be willing to go at least 7-8 years above. And I haven’t seen any profile of a woman who isn’t willing to go 3-5 years older than her. So if you’re asking women out who are 3-5 years younger than you (37-39), these are supposed to be the women who are most desperate to find a man because their biological clock is ticking the loudest. They should be overjoyed that a man not old enough to be their father is contacting them and at least send back an e-mail, even if the whole process doesn’t get to the dating phase.

    So if this is not happening, your profile or approach must need serious work. Go through the archives or Evan’s various articles he’s written on the ‘net. Or you can buy his program. Or get an honest friend to look over your profile and critique it. But you’d better do something because if you want your own biological children, time’s ticking for you too.

    1. 10.1
      Anthony Thomas (@djfourmoney)

        Sort of… Women like me contrary to popular thought about men and online dating. I get emails from butt-hurt women who say I should accept them if they have children already and they aren’t too old to have more kids at 36-37.   While its likely she can have more children because she’s had one already, I would like to enjoy 1-3 years of a childless sex life. That email came from a German lady by the way not an American. I got another email from a Polish woman who thought she was too fat when I said in my profile a woman shall not weight more than me (175lbs) because like Mark T, I am 43 in excellent shape, still run fast (sub 12 second 100 meters), can still dunk a basketball and the majority of people I hang with are 20’s and 30’s themselves.
        One additional thing I’ll say and this is thorny but I don’t care; whenever we (as a group) talk about dating in America and its problems we’re talking about White People. This is the downfall of a country that claims its proudly multi-cultural but in practice fails miserably. I’ve gotten more attention from White women in Europe than in America and that is TELLING. The majority of White women that stare at my profiles and sometimes message me are over 40 and beyond the age of having children when I clearly have stated I want children in my profile.
        I suggest women look at Amy Webb’s TED Talk about her difficulties.
        Here’s the deal though, overseas there’s very little market for American   women, but there’s a huge market for American men. If you can’t find what you’re looking for here, jump on a plane. My friend Law was 38 and jones’in to get married and have children. He jumped on a plane, went to Ukraine, found his wife (she found him…), in less than a year he filed for a K1, it was approved, he went back to pick her up (they talked via Skype during that time), that was the first him her met her parents… His wife Alyona is now 30 (she was 28 when they married) been married 3 years and have two kids. So men instead of whining about American women not accepting you and Evan telling you its basically unfair but that’s life. That’s not true, you have options, use them.

      1. 10.1.1
        James Powers

        @Anthony Thomas- Anthony I’m interest in finding out more about your friend who went outside the US to find his soulmate?    If you wouldn’t mind posting some more information on how I might learn more, I would sincerely appreciate it!   Now here are my feelings on the subject.   I truly believe that a lot of, if not all of courtship has to do with timing.   The fact of the matter is that there are and always be mitigating factors when it comes to meeting the right person.   I have found that a majority of women online in their profiles place a huge emphasis on financial specifics as to what their expectations are for the man they are seeking.   Ironicly at the same time they don’t even or are not willing to state their own financial position.   Why is this?   It seems to be okay or expected of a man to be financially stable and take care of a woman, but at the same time a man immediately is a deadbeat if he has any expectations of having a woman take care of him?   I suppose that is why I see a lot more men going to other countries to find a companion.   It seems at least to me a different kind of cultural experience exists in countries where people are just simply seeking a better more fullfiling life.   Afterall I dont think anyone is us would be surprised that a majority of people outside of the US are far worse off than we are.   Don’t hate on me just because I   am sharing my opinion here because truthfully it is and has been my observations over time.   While some people may frown upon the overseas bride thing, at least she doesn’t need a hard and fast financial number in order to determine a man’s financial stability and success.

      2. 10.1.2

        Ukraine is a cesspool. The girls there would marry a homeless American man over a Ukranian man, truth. So your friend got lucky – yay? LOL. I still say its sad that he had to go and find a bride elsewhere. Shows he cant conform to his own society. Why not a Ukranian girl raised right but still American? Hmmm. Its cause its easier to control the chick when she doesnt speak your language. 😉

        Im foreign born, from a land near Ukraine. Im fairly exotically beautiful, Im told. I have men fall at my feet at the grocery store asking me to put diamonds on my hand, especially Muslim men. However. Every single man I know would NEVER go back to the “motherland” to buy a bride. Only mama’s boys with issues and insecurities have to spend $ to go back home to coerce a woman into marrying him.    Most men with confidence can bloom wherever they are planted. 😉   

        1. Anthony Thomas (@djfourmoney)

          Who’s talking about homeless men? My friends got lucky? Try multiplying that out into the mid five digit zone.  

            A friend of mine who is successful producer of commercial ads in his city both TV and Radio went back to his home country (Russia) to find a bride after he caught his American born wife with his best friend!

            Those aren’t isolated incidents either.   

          Another friend and co-worker of mine who met his now ex-wife in drug rehab also caught her red handed banging his best friend.

            Two years ago he married a woman from the Philippines as he found himself in a similar situation to the original poster.

            I can continue to give you examples of American men who are not among the 5-6% of men between 18-35 that the majority of American women want.

            All of them successfully went to other countries and found wives that love them and produced children, some of them before the internet was widely used as   tool to find single women.

            Sorry but like I said contrary to popular opinion with people that read my comments on here, women like me. My issue is that they are too old to have children now and I am not too old to have kids, that’s just White folk the buy into the overpopulation myth.

            If I am broke by American standards, like most Black men in America we don’t NEED money to get women, duh. We have other assets that women like if they aren’t beholden to racist beliefs and pseudosciences around race.

            You are correct that men of action can “bloom” wherever they are. I find the economic system quite problematic; I assume the reason you came to the US in the first place is for economic opportunities that are not possible in your home country. I am quite familiar with Eastern Europe. If you say Ukraine is a cess pool that might make you Russian because those are the only people that talk negatively about Ukrainians. Or you’re a Western European who has negative views of not just Eastern Europeans, but also Africans and Arabs in countries like Germany.

            But my post have never been about me. It was directed at the person mention in the article but it seems everybody wants to get personal when I point out that women in America ARE NOT THE CAT’s MEOW and that other possibilities exist.

            You can put whatever Feminist, Right Wing, Free Market nonsense spin you want on it. But dating is one of the only true free markets in the world. From Prostitution to Marriage (some would say they are closer than most people think) men are free to choose who they want, women have less practice at that art and you see the results.


        2. Johnny

          Shows he cant conform to his own society.

          This isn’t always a bad thing.

          Ukraine might be a cesspool, but their women sure aren’t. As for the USA, cesspool on both counts.

      3. 10.1.3
        Vas Alexander

        You are so right i was about to say that there are women outside US and other countries that   the disgusting liberalism and feminism haven’t destroyed people’s natural relationships.
        Let those liberal feminist shallow and superficial women believing that they are so worthy and unique.  

        1. AllHeart81

          Every human being on the face of the planet is worthy of love.

          And we are all unique individuals.

          And feminism is pretty awesome because all feminism is the realization that women are equal to men.

      4. 10.1.4
        It's you

        Anthony, I can also tell you about more than one American man like you who choses to blame his  failures and shortcomings on others (in this case,  all American women), who went overseas to find a poor, dependent bride, got married and ended up in the same place — cheated on, trapped by kids, and broke after she cleaned him out and returned to her home country with a small fortune. (Dead giveaway is when you’re dating or just married and her family members back home start suddenly dying in large numbers and she wants you to give her money to send home “for the funerals.”)

        What men like you will never understand or acknowledge is that when your intentions are shallow or dishonorable, you will attract and find yourself with similarly shallow and dishonorable women — regardless of their nationality.

        Trust me — my work takes me to many countries and I have lived for extended periods of time overseas. I know there are gold digging women in EVERY  country and they  know who to find easy targets — bitter, shallow, insecure American men looking to fulfill a deluded fantasy and willing to shell out what cash they have to soothe their egos– and they know how to play you like a violin.

        Do I know men who married non-American woman who are wonderful women and they  are happy? Yes of course and many of them.

        But the difference is the latter are decent men not consumed by  hatred for American women, and need to prove they are men by finding women they can walk all over.

        Again, you attract what you put out there — whether you are in Tennesee, Thailand or anywhere in between.


      5. 10.1.5
        It's you

        Me again.

        Anthony says:    I can continue to give you examples of American men who are not among the 5-6% of men between 18-35 that the majority of American women want.

        Are you seriously suggesting that only 5-6% of the male population is desired by and has a chance with American women? What I find so ironic about men like you is that you make these ridiculous claims about American women only wanting a small sliver of so-called alpha men (despite all evidence to the contrary that the vast majority of  American men successfully date and marry if they want to) but then out of the other side of your mouth you spew a list of criteria that women you want must have (youth — as you’ve stated ad nausuem here, extraordinary beauty, etc.) that only a small sliver of American women posses. Hypocrisy at its finest.  

        The reality is not that American women only want 5-6% of American men. The reality is that you want the 5-6% of American women that don’t want you. Women above a certain age, women who have average or below average looks but who have integrity and might be a compatiable partner are not good enough for men like you.

        Anthony says:    If I am broke by American standards, like most Black men in America we don’t NEED money to get women, duh. We have other assets that women like if they aren’t beholden to racist beliefs and pseudosciences around race.

        That seems to contradict what you’ve previously said — that American women don’t want you and your friends because you aren’t the 5-6% and that’s why you go overseas. Putting that aside for a second, I may be wrong — I can likely guess what  those “assets” you are referring to are  — but what I see you  saying here in that you are willing to indulge in a racist stereotype about black men  to attract white  women but then you get upset when some white women don’t want to date you for reasons having to do with race? Huh?

        Bottom line, Anthony: your problem isn’t racism, sexism, classism or feminism. Your problem is that end of the day you don’t really like women. You may want women for selfish reasons (status, sex, etc.) but you don’t like them. And that’s what makes women  pass on you. Because as strange as it sounds — women as a whole  aren’t really  interested in spending time with men who dislike them. Imagine that!!

        1. Clair

          Lizard size doesn’t make up for a lack of money.

    2. 10.2
      Alanna Lewis

      my problem is most think I am in the 18-21 age group and I am actually 34 and men in their 50’s   are trying to date me. I would love a 38 or 39 year old.

  11. 11

    My thought is that it depends on whether the woman in her 30’s has been in long term relationships, or any relationships actually, or has been more of an “always single” girl. If she spent most of her 20’s and early 30’s “single” then I think there is even more resistance to finding a man in their 40’s that she sees as immediately settle down with, have a kid or two, and be an “older” couple. She might still want to catch up a little on the “fun” “couple” life all her friends got to have – that YOUTHFUL couple life of vacations, concerts, sporting events that she spent a lifetime of doing single and wants to catch up on some of those milestone moments with a guy in his 30’s who still seems to live that lifestyle before wanting to “settle down.” A woman who got to experience many of those things as couple, just with the wrong person in the long run, but had fun and enjoyed them at the time, is probably more willing and into settling down and craving more wanting to get married and start a family and a home life.

    1. 11.1

      Mara- you are so right in your saying. iam 33 and have spent all my life being single. i tried to have relationship with few but they all turned out to be jerks and so the things could nt get worked out. but yes the way you have explained the feelings or aspirations of a lady in her early thirty are so so right…pleased to know that there are people out there who totally understand what a single lady in her early thirty wants to see in her husband:)

    2. 11.2
      Alanna Lewis

      you are spot on!

    3. 11.3

      Yes, I was single for most of my 20s, dated a complete jerk till I was 30, and have actively dated since. I am not in a serious LTR at 33 with a man who is 39. When we recently discussed our timeline for having kids, I told him 35 or 36 because I want us to still have fun times together, just the two of us. He agreed with this. I want to be married and have a child but I still want to enjoy getting to know him before we are strapped down with a child who takes up most of our time. Women in their early-mid 30s still have this opportunity.

  12. 12

    This is the problem with online dating. In person you can see and judge how “young ” or “old” someone may be. But on online you just have age cut offs. In person, I am often approached by men 10 -15 years my junior. Online alot less so. When I was in my late 20’s and early 30’s and someone asked if I wanted to date a 42 year old, I would have said eweeeeeeee no way!!!!
    When you are young you picture yourself dating someone within 5 years of your age . As you get older the range increases.

  13. 13

    I wonder if it’s possible that Adam has never married. I know this is often perceived as a red flag for a 42 year-old guy. It sounds like his initial email and his profile may need revising. Maybe he talks about wanting to start a family in his profile. Many sites encourage you to say what you’re searching for, and while some women in their mid-30’s might have their initial interest peaked by what he has to offer, they’re not sure where they stand on such an issue and so they pass. It’s kind of like the woman who mentions her desire to have children too soon for a guy’s liking and he scatters off.

    He is now living in a world “as it is” vs how he perceived it to be when he exited his LTR. Many women of today are interested in dating and claim they want to find a good guy, but in reality, eh … not so much. They are as he has described: successful, career-oriented, independent, active, financially strong, self-empowered, and loving life. They also do not always want children. And some women are choosing to have children, but not in the traditional way.

    1. 13.1


      That was a very thoughtful reply. Thank you.

      I’ve noticed that times have changed. Far more women these days just don’t want children. It’s become very stylish to be “child-free”, as they call it. For those of us who have never had a chance to have a family, this is a very disappointing turn of events.

      1. 13.1.1

        Not “stylish”, Traveller. Lots of us women have grown up while watching our mothers spend 20+ years raising kids, day and night, always putting others before them- which was very sweet of them- but also seen our dads NOT doing this- leaving us kids or just spending their days as they wished(formally a father, but not putting in that many hours neither in child upbringing nor housekeeping), coming home expecting the moms to do everything. Lots of us observed and concluded we’d rather spend our days as we wish…


        Stylish? No, rather adopting the approach many men have. Not all men have that attitude and those who doesn’t will become great fathers- and great husbands 🙂

  14. 14

    I would date a successful man that didn’t have children, but I cannot have children. So I would not be someone he would want, I am also not healthy enough to care for an adopted child, so we would have to hire help.
    But as in dating guys in their 40’s .. some have so much, when I read “my 6 year old is my life”, I go to the next one because I think, well then you don’t need a woman then do you?
    Other than that, I don’t care what age I find. I want to know what’s inside the mind heart & soul.
    BTW thank you for the stuff about the young guys… have had them honking at my car, flooding any dating sight, etc etc. I need not another 2 year relationship.

  15. 15

    I agree with Diana (#13). Women being scared off by men who disclose their agenda too soon.

    In fact, if Adam really disclose that he wants to start a family, the woman he showed interest in might think that he is not really interested in her as a person, merely a convieniant child bearing machine. Then any woman would fit the bill, right?

  16. 16

    Buddy, you are just doing something wrong. If you’re good-looking and have a job you should not be having any trouble getting a woman. But maybe you aren’t good-looking or employed in the way that women like. If so you gotta move down the food chain. Like go after the ones that make a lot less than you do or the ones that don’t have minicures or something.

    1. 16.1
      Anthony Thomas (@djfourmoney)

        Boy you stepped in it didn’t you…
        Define “Moving Down Market” because its more about economics than animal instincts is correct, I wouldn’t use food chain.
        Now I suppose you’ll say something along these lines –  
        At 42, moving down market would mean accepting a woman in her 30’s with pre-teen children without any chance of having your own children. I know for many men this is a non-starter, including myself (43).
        Women like money (mostly women in Western Culture) and that is problematic. My ex made more and she paid the rent, there was never any money issues in our relationship and I never felt emasculated. But she was a downmarket woman, from Prescott, Az and overweight. In other words she wasn’t going to be like the good-looking people they find for Match.com adverts. Those women would never accept such an arrangement and would continue looking for Mr. Big. The guy that could give them the lifestyle she’s always wanted even if she decided to be a stay-at home mothers with the future children. This is an unrealistic goal normally, but for women over 30 to believe its possible watch too much TV. Under normal circumstances, women would find a way to finish their education or start their careers while finding a husband, this means getting the job done in your mid 20’s. But that’s not happening, women are allowed to have extended adolescence and waiting until they are economically independent before trying to settle down. Women are playing with fire, economics and biology all at the same time and the results are quite messy.
        I am not sure what income bracket he’s in, but historically for me it been about 30-35K so moving down market, means chicken heads, single mothers with multiple children, overweight women (like my ex) and mousey women.
        Even good-looking, unemployed women still want Mr. Big. Other women down market also have a high opinion of themselves even if society doesn’t, think Porn Stars and I live in the San Fernando Valley, so dating them when you catch them at strip clubs or local watering holes is a total possibility.
        Women often complain of douchebag behavior and older men not having much self-respect. That really isn’t it, the douchebag behavior goes without saying, but older dudes with pot bellies and only strong enough to lift a beer can up to their soup coolers is a common occurrence, especially online.
        I am broke by US standards so I am on the sidelines looking to get called off the bench. Problem is only D-League women want me, no thanks, I am taking my show on the road and so should the OP, dating AW at his age is a losing proposition.   

      1. 16.1.1

        At first I thought what a DH but now you are making me laugh!,,  
        ANYWAY everyone shut up who cares… theres a lot more going on in life than this nonsense lol..   Be happy with who you are, try to get some great sex or affection if you can, and be happy and kind…..I’m 40 and loveeee younger men. I missed the child thing but that’s ok, I love my life! esp when I’m helping others..
        be kind..

      2. 16.1.2

        Broke by US Standards. Yep. There ya go. And why you wont find a woman. Youre outing yourself as broke on a dating advice blog – god help the women you actually ask out on a DATE. I bet you never shut up about your $ issues and past emotional issues, is my guess.

        ont hate AMERICAN women, then. Hate ALL women. ALL women want an ambitious and hard working and SUCCESSFUL man. Ha!

        If a man cant make it in the Land of Opportunity then I worry for you. My parents came here with NOTHING. A man in America not living up to his potential is one of the saddest sights to see. 😉

      3. 16.1.3

        Don’t let the door hit you on the way out 🙂

        1. Anthony Thomas (@djfourmoney)

            Spoken like a typical patriotic, jingoistic American.

            Americans have always had a problem with African-Americans, why should I stay?

            Having traveled to many countries, I can say that being Black is a negative mostly in America but no where else.


        2. Evan Marc Katz

          Except for all the European countries where racists slurs are routine from the soccer crowds.

        3. JennLee

          Blacks often go out of their way to be different.   Any black who decides to just assimilate into America, runs the risk if being labeled a sellout, or Uncle Tom.   No other race does this.   No other race goes out of their way to have their own language, and anti-establishment persona.   Even if you aren’t like that, will your child identify more with that crowd in school, and end up with that mentality in the end?   You can’t blame women who have other options for not going that route.


          Many Asians come here with nothing, and ask for nothing, and in the end, build something for themselves.


          Like it or not, black men have earned a reputation as a group, that is not attractive to most women.   I have no problem with the skin color of black men, but I do have a problem with black culture.   I’ll leave at that.






        4. Al

          JennLee: Are you kidding??? African Americans are the only race that “…goes out of their way to have their own language, and anti-establishment persona???” LMAO! Puleese. Insecure Xenophobes in ALL demographics use race as a means of feeling superior to others, as you’ve just demonstrated. I don’t know or care what race you are. The fact that you just made such an irrational, blanket statement about the entirety of another race pretty much reveals all anyone needs to know about your emotional intelligence.

      4. 16.1.4

        Anthony your posts have alot of really vile bitter and  
        odd words. You sound very bitter. This is why you are having such a hard time finding women. Very bitter  

        1. Anthony Thomas (@djfourmoney)

            This is a standard reply from a so-called Feminist. You cannot confirm any bitterness, it’s just words no proof.  

            Carry on  

        2. Anthony Thomas (@djfourmoney)

            Only Evan I don’t go to Soccer matches in Europe and may I remind you that there is constant fighting between hooligans from Germany and Poland that are based on angst from World War II?!  

            This happens at regional soccer matches. As far as other bits of racism in Europe, during the European championships to qualify for the World Cup in Ukraine, some Ukrainians barked racial slurs at some of the African players.

            This has nothing to do with me and I have spent some time in Ukraine.  

        3. Jason

          Pot meet kettle.

          Tracy, you have made numerous posts today and none of them would even remotely be classified as peace making or nurturing. They have been bitter, ageist, inflammatory and filled with hatred towards men, especially men over 40.

          I have several online dating accounts and as a mid-30s man, I have seen multiple posts talking about how bad 40+ men are. So even though I will not date 40+ women, I decided to see for myself all of these raving beauties over 40. I have news for you. The vast majority of women over 40 are not beauty queens by any stretch of the imagination. Frankly, I can see why the 40+ men choose to try for under 40 women. I also chose to peruse the 40+ men to see what was on offer for the ladies. I have news for you. Far more of the 40+ ladies were fat than the 40+ men.

          I think you ladies need to stop with the propaganda that the choices of men out there are so poor, but then you seem to think that the women are worthy? Use some logic for a moment. You women are here for a reason…because those upper top 10 to 20% of worthy guys haven’t found you worthy. In short, you aren’t in the top 10 to 20% either. So we see it written here many times that the guys you are interested in aren’t interested in you but the guys who are interested in you, you aren’t interested in them. So you aren’t interested in your peers.

          You can claim that you are oh so perfect looking, and claim that all those young hot studs are so into you. I have news for you…I know the young hot studs that chase older women. Come talk to us when one actually marries you. Oh, so you say that you’ve had many proposals? So we can expect an invitation to the wedding next month? Oh, wait…no wedding? If a younger guy marries you, will he wake up ten years from now and realize that you are way older than him, and start chasing younger women? When you hit 50, will he want to trade up?

          You think we men never talk? Of course we do. You women don’t need a safe place, you need a wake-up call. You really want to know what goes through our minds when we see a woman who is hot for her age? If she is late 30s and up, younger men see that and think only of the here and now. We realize that you are hot but also realize that the clock is ticking and that you won’t be for long. So we think in terms of short relationships with older women. When it ends, you think it just didn’t work out and so you try again. You don’t know that we knew it was never going to go anywhere. I would have never told you this 10 years ago when I was hittin it and quittin it with 30 something women. Oh, I can assure you most thought it was going to be a real relationship. No, it never was.

          So save us the propaganda about how great 40+ women are and how awful 40+ men are. It’s a tired and worn out fairytale. You cried about Anthony stereotyping all black women, so how about you stop stereotyping 40+ men. I’ll be 40 in a half dozen years, and I’m in great shape. That isn’t going to change in just 6 years. I hope I’m married by the time I get there because if I’m not, I think I’ll just resolve to remain single after seeing the attitudes of women here. You all are hugely flawed but think you are all Cinderella’s who deserve somePrince Charming and the Baker and the Cobbler can go pound sand. Well wake up…Prince Charming has rejected you. You aren’t Cinderella. By the nastiness I see, it’s more like the evil step-sisters.

  17. 17


    If I had a dollar for every woman who put “my children are my life” in their profile I’d be richer than Bill Gates….lol
    Just like the women with 4 kids who sometimes write…”I have time for relationship” I just laugh and say sure you do…..next!

  18. 18
    Dashing One!

    These days we constantly hear that age is nothing but a number.
    50 is the new 40, 40 is the new 30, and even black is the new white! LOL!
    The truth is age does matter! (especially in the long run).
    Personally when I was in my 20s I dated women who were 12 years older than me. When I was in my late 30s/early 40s I lived with a woman that was 15 years older than me. All of these women were very attractive for their age but in the long run is where the problem comes in for most people. When you’re 60 and your mate is 40 there are going to be some major differences between you. Energy is one of them along with thoughts of retirement…etc
    Having said all of the above there are still lots of old guys dating women in their 20s and 30s while they are 50 and older. However most of thoes women are not just looking for an old man who is “financially secure”. He has to be rich, powerful, or famous. Trust me that is the only reason why someone like Hugh Hefner (almost 80) has a long line of 20 something year old beautiful girls waiting to jump in bed with him.
    If you want a girl who is a “gold digger” or looking for a “meal ticket” they are out there but most of them will not be highly educated nor have career interests of their own.

    If the age of a woman is real important to you then you would be better off thinking in international terms… (women from Latin America, Europe, Middle East, South America, and Asia). Women from these cultures are beautiful and raised to view age differently than in America. They are much more open to marrying older successful men. You might want to google some international dating websites. Keep in mind there are over 6 Billion people on this planet of ours. There is nothing that says your wife/soul-mate can’t be waiting for you on some tropical island.
    Just as business has to think globally to thrive you too should think globally when it comes to finding the woman of your dreams. Thank God for the internet and airplanes! LOL!

    Yes there are exceptions in America but you have to look at the odds. I’m certain if you were to sift through every dumpster in New York City you are bound to find a diamond ring or something of value in at least one of them but why would you choose to go down that road just so you could have something locally.
    We place value on youth in our culture. Everyone here is trying to look younger than they are, dress younger than they are, keeping track of music and new Hollywood stars. The “Baby Boomers” coined the phrase, “Don’t trust no one over 30!” Today these are the same people who refuse to get “old”. They are standing in line for plastic surgeries, popping Viagra like vitamins, constantly trying to shape up or trin down…etc

    In America a man in his 20s and 30s with a good sex drive is seen as sexy. A man in his 40s, 50s, and beyond is considered a “dirty old man” for having the same desires. The thought of older people wanting sex is a turn off until we ourselves fall into that age group. LOL!

    1. 18.1

      Great Post – Dead-On!   
      Adam, look internationally and you will find someone who fits your profile. There are plenty of women who would love to be with a successful older (but not-so-old) man, especially one who wants a family. In the age group you are looking, I know for a fact there are thousands of young ladies in Central and South America, Southeast Asia and former Soviet countries that would love to meet you and develop a relationship.
      I know this because I have spent close to ten years as an expatriate, visited 56 countries, and lived long-term in six of those countries. As “dashing-one” mentioned above, only in America do we negatively view older males who want to start a family later in life.  
      If your financial position allows you, travel and live abroad for a year or two. It’s will be a great experience and you will more than likely find your life partner.  I do not recommend the mail order bride racket or the 90 day trial (fiance visa). Go and live abroad, relationships take time.

      1. 18.1.1

        I think Dashing One and B are both correct. I’m 38, divorced, father of an amazing little boy. I’ve lived abroad, in Central America and the Caribbean, and let me tell you something: the majority of women down there actually dig guys who are older than they are. They’re into stability, and I’m not talking about money, I’m talking about maturity. You don’t need to be rich, famous, powerful, etc. As long as you have a good head on your shoulders and are a decent guy, you’ll find more than a few beautiful ladies that are interested.  
        Like Dashing One said: “In America a man in his 20s and 30s with a good sex drive is seen as sexy. A man in his 40s, 50s, and beyond is considered a “dirty old man” for having the  same desires. ”
        You might want to consider their advice and look beyond what this country has to offer… just saying

  19. 19

    It’s not about age as a number so much as it is about life stage discrepancies. Every five years or so, priorities tend to change. I found, while dating again in my early 40s and wanting to date men my age, that they “all” wanted younger women because oops! They forgot to have kids. The men who were interested in me, at 42, were in their late 20s to late 30s and did NOT want kids (neither do I), who were relieved to find a woman who wasn’t all over them to get married and start a family right away, the way the women in their mid-30s tended to be. I was divorced ten years and didn’t care if I ever got married again, and that was like catnip to the younger guys I met who were ambivalent about having kids (almost all of them, frankly). Also, the older men (50+) dug me, because to them I was a “younger woman” who didn’t have any baggage or expectations when it came to wanting kids or more kids. I wound up with a guy eleven years my junior; and while there are a few life stage issues now in terms of where we are in our respective careers, we are wildly happy together because we both eschewed having kids and don’t feel the least bit selfish or regretful about the choices we made.

    1. 19.1


      You are absolutely correct. It has nothing to do with age; it’s all about being in the same stage of life. Of course, practically speaking, people in the same age bracket often are in a similar stage of life.

      It’s just tough for those of us who didn’t move through things at the same rate as most.

  20. 20

    @Dashing One:

    Great … good to know that there are foreigners out there to take away EVERY job from Americans! 😉

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