Will Men Be Turned Off Because I Like To Wear A Wig?

Will Men Be Turned Off Because I Like To Wear A Wig
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I have started to wear wigs about half the time and feel like there is a stigma attached to doing so – or a “yuck-factor”. I started using one after a medical problem but now it’s just because they look so much better than my own hair. My own hair is super fine and fragile and it is impossible to find a flattering style or cut without at least using extensions (partial hairpieces that add length or fullness). A full wig actually looks best and I get compliments even from strangers. They look very natural but they’re still wigs – and sadly, wigs are sometimes an object of ridicule in our society.

My reasoning thus far is that I want to look like my profile pictures. Some of my profile pictures show my real hair plus a simple back extension so I usually wear that for initial dates. Some of my pictures show me in a longer full wig and in real life now I have semi-short styles that are very flattering. I have a flattering photo of me in one of those but haven’t put it on my profile because it’s different and I think that noticeable inconsistency in hair length will make it seem like some of my photos are too old. I realize that a big part of the problem may be that I haven’t fully embraced the notion of using wigs as a good thing.

I’d like to wear them because I look better in them but I’m sort of afraid that the idea of me wearing a wig will elicit an “Eeeeeewwww…” kind of feeling in a man.

I’m not sure what my priorities should be. Should I just make sure I look as good as I can on a first date even if that means “wearing a wig”, which sounds a bit like a disguise? Should I use my own hair so “it” doesn’t become the little secret that I’m hiding? Should I use my different hairstyles and feel no shame about how it is that I can change my look just like that?

I consider you to be very wise – you often find general principles that help us women with our viewpoint and our confidence. You also have basic knowledge about the things that matter and then are able to remind us of that to keep things in perspective. Sometimes I can ask myself, “What would Evan say?” but I’m stumped on this one.

What are your thoughts on this matter?

Sincerely,
Patricia

Thanks for your kind words. Let me do the best I can to tease this out (you see what I did there?)

To your credit, you are seeing this from all sides, however, it just seems like you’re spinning in circles. It really doesn’t have to be that complicated.

In fact, you may be surprised to learn that all of my advice comes directly from the bible.

“Do to others what you would have them do to you.” (Matthew 7:12)

All I do in this space, week after week, is put myself in the shoes of the woman asking the question, and, more challengingly, in the shoes of the man she’s writing about.

People don’t lie on their profiles because they are awful people who lack integrity.
People lie because they’re insecure about telling the truth.

Half the time, the man is in the wrong.

Half the time, the OP is in the wrong and fails to see it because she’s attached to her worldview, and can’t see the validity in his worldview.

Most posts where my readers disagree with me are the ones where I remind women that it sucks to be the guy who always has to pay for dates, is forced to pay for children he didn’t want, or be perpetually mistrusted because he is friends with an ex, watches online porn, or finds other women attractive. I put myself in the shoes of those men and I can sympathize and I ask you to do so as well.

Those situations have far more gravity than your wig situation, but it’s always the same advice.

How would you feel if a man wore a toupee when he was balding?

How would you feel if his profile photo showed a full head of hair, and then when he showed up on the date, he had a comb over? How would you feel if you thought he had a full head of hair until you ripped it off his head during cunnilingus, or when taking a shower together, or upon waking up and seeing his hair next to his head on his pillow?

This is exactly what Matthew was talking about in the Bible. 

Anyway, this brings up a very old point I’ve made about online dating.

People don’t lie on their profiles because they are awful people who lack integrity.
People lie because they’re insecure about telling the truth. If they tell the truth, they may be eliminated, due to the fierce competition of online dating.

So 5’7” men become 5’10”, obese women become “average”, and everyone over the age of 50 becomes 45. All because we’re insecure that people will pass us up and we want to get in the door.

The truth is the easiest thing to remember. There are no lies to cover up, no awkward confessions down the road, no moments where he says “Eeeeeeeewww.”

And then you get in the door, tell the truth, and someone is appalled that you started off the relationship with a lie.

In my opinion, the truth is the easiest thing to remember. There are no lies to cover up, no awkward confessions down the road, no moments where he says “Eeeeeeeewww.”

Right now, you’re being ruled by your insecurities: your thin hair, your multiple hairstyles, your old profile photos. You’re entitled to that, but then this question always lingers.

Stop with the wig, and the question goes away instantly.

And if that doesn’t work — if you MUST wear a wig to feel confident — well, then I hope you’re equally forgiving when a man misrepresents himself out of his own insecurity.

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Comments:

  1. 41
    Sabrina Messenger

    In my personsl experience, I’ve discovered most men want to believe their woman looks beautiful naturally…and they’ll quite happily overlook the “artifice” if they really like you. However, if the man just isn’t that into you, then they can and will use any excuse to justify why they’re off! There was man I was interested in. It was a long distance thing. Mind, first tinme he met me. I was wearing my short natural salt snd pepper “nappy” hair, and over the course of six months he saw lots of pics of me with a diversity of wigs. No vooments but no complaints either. Yet, one day he came to visit. I fixed up nicely for him. Once we were alone he demanded to know if I was wearing a wig? It felt like an indictment! He seemed acted absolutely appalled that I dared to make an effort to improve my appearance with wigs! I replied in the affirmative. Next he said to me “do you actually wear that to work???” As though it was some unpardonable offense or something.   I said yes, sometimes. I’ll admit I was disappointed in his reaction and before I could say “you don’t like it?” He tries to backpedal and say oh you look 10 years younger. Too late. I knew he was lying! My point? Be yourself…and do what feels right to you. The sooner you were out jerks, the closet you’ll get to meeting Mr Right.

  2. 42
    JDarling

    I’m a Caucasian woman who wears wigs occasionally. I am in front of the camera often, often on short notice, and wearing wigs gives me glamorous hair that always allows me to be camera ready.

    My own hair? I have long, healthy, curly naturally dark brown  hair that goes down to my waist. So why do I wear wigs?

    I always wear wigs that match my own hair length. On some the curl pattern matches my own hair. Other times it looks the way my hair would look if I spent 3 hours styling it. I could achieve all those looks on my own, but choose not to because of the time it takes and the heat damage it would cause  to my hair. I know on special occasions I can style my own hair to look just as nice.

    I’ve told a man I was dating I wear wigs sometimes, and  I was confident about it. He thought it was cool and was intrigued and wanted to see if he could tell when I was wearing a wig and when I wasn’t. He encouraged me to wear wigs with him and not tell him so he could see if he could figure it out; it was one more puzzle for him to solve. Further, I’m personally intrigued by the idea of being able to change hair colors without damaging my hair – it would be fun both in and out of the bedroom.

    TL;DR Be confident and the stigma will go away. Also, embrace your natural hair – it’s beautiful because it’s yours.

  3. 43
    Whitney Clark

    No idea how old that last post was but I am sitting in the same boat.   My reason for wearing them is the same reason for wearing makeup, dressy clothes etc.   It makes me feel more feminine.   I don’t even really wear it to attract men, it is more or less to make me feel more like a woman.   How silly does that sound?   Probably quite a bit.   I have insecurities wearing them, but I recently went to a hair salon (just a regular one), and had them trim a piece for me.   I was told it is becoming more popular because not only are hair products super expensive, but the more you color your hair, apply heat to your hair, and use products, your damaging your hair.   However, if you go out with natural hair, you have to do these things to make your natural hair look some what decent.   For me, I have super baby fine hair.   It will no hold curls for the life of me.   I spend HOURS in the bathroom with my natural hair trying to get ready.   Where as a wig, its 5 minutes and BAM!    I kind of hope that people can   look past that (including woman just wearing makeup) and accept their true beauty, but also allow a woman to do what she wants to feminize herself without holding them to some stigma.

     

  4. 44
    Joshua Mitchell

    Be confident in your own hair. Love your real hair because it’s the best hair you have. You don’t need to hide under a bunch of fake hair; just be real and advertise your real self to people. Then you’ll never have to deal with the “ewww” factor.

  5. 45
    Connie

    I am so very glad to find this thread!   I just turned 51 and I am contemplating wigs.   I have–believe it or not–MALE pattern baldness and its been going on for about 7 years now.   I have lots of hair on the sides but very thin hair on the top and a receding hair line–I call it Bozo the Clown hair.   I’ve not been able to find a hair cut that works with this hair loss pattern and so I’ve been wearing baseball caps for about a year now.   And, if I can’t wear a baseball cap or some kind of hat/scarf to an event, then I just won’t go.   I have stopped dating as well.   I would like to be my old, confident self again which is why I am considering a bonded wig (meaning it will be somewhat permanent–only removed every 4-6 weeks for a few days to allow my scalp to breathe).   I’m wondering what dating will be like… how men will respond, when I would tell someone, etc, etc.   While I’m not inline with Evan’s recommendations, I do see his point about being honest.   I will be sure to tell anyone I date shortly after date 3 or 4 or so, and definitely by the 6 week point!

    1. 45.1
      KARMA

      connie- just go for it!    You’ll do fine in the dating area.

  6. 46
    KARMA

    I have been wearing wigs since I ran my own business escorting 18 yrs ago.   I was a one woman show but my clients were wealthy business owners or men living off family money who didn’t need to work.   Let’s not get into the judging me on my choice for career. I escorted thousands of men to all kinds of events. I became a quick chance artist in my car. I’d go from red head to brunette to blonde to white hair all in a day.   My trunk was my closet. My   Mercedes windows had super dark tint. Men just had their personal favorites as far as hair color.   Sometimes I would change up 6 times in one day.    It made it fun. I enjoyed my dates very much    I never got involved emotionally.   Thought to them I knew much about them and I had learned along time ago listen and let others talk. Always say a persons first name and remember where they from, what their life is about because it makes them feel like you cared enough to remember.   People like to be around people who make them feel good not bad.   I wasn’t a kid either starting this business. I’m 57 now. I was successful at my business and  I got so many calls for escorting I had to hire a few beautiful girls. It wasn’t prostitution. Big difference. Of course people make it that way in their heads.

    My point is it never slowed me down wearing a wig with a man on a date.   And I guess you could say that he wasn’t dating to get married. True. But you never know. Sometimes these things turn out like a fairy tale story. Escort marries wealthy business man!    I   guess then I’m hoping to make my point that it’s more about you not your hair. It’s more about confidence not whether you wear wigs or false eyelashes.   Men love beautiful women that’s true. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The older the man more beauty does he appreciate in women of all ages . So is like make up.    And you can have purple hair short hair no hair and be the most popular person because you make people feel good. People long and just  want    to be near   you.   The wig thing never hurt me any. I bought houses and cars and still have many of these people as friend now.   Smile be attentive. Don’t lie.   Don’t put others down …… don’t be catty.   Don’t judge. Don’t trust what others tell you right off the bat. and don’t be open book until you know much about them first.    Just go out and have fun and be safe.

  7. 47
    kdmil2003

    Maybe we should ask all of the men that think JLO, Beyoncé, Kim K, Raquel Welch, Dolly Parton, and countless others, are hot.   They all wear wigs, some of them wear wigs all the time even though they have decent hair.     Just be honest about it and even wear your real hair from time to time as a change.   Now, if we could just get all of those men to stop wearing baseball caps all the time.   Now that is a real turnoff…oh wait…the real turn off is…wait for it…man buns.       Also, if the guy seems really interested in your wigs and wants to try them on…run like hell!!

  8. 48
    T Nelson

    Have been on many personals sites over the   past 15+ years. None of these subjects have ever come up, i.e. wigs, weaves, spanx, bras, makeup etc. in a bio. The problem with us all are expectations … unrealistic ones for the most part. Everyone wants a male or female companion that is easy on the eyes.   Many want to lead with their best foot forward. In most profiles that I have read, both genders give a rundown on the things that they are into, i.e. sports, exercise, movies, reading, museums, traveling, etc.   NO ONE has discussed insecurities. I could go on one long diatribe, but I will suffice it to say that BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER … either you accept a person for who that person is (character most importantly), or not.   No one can make a person want them, nor create a person with the perfect image.

  9. 49
    Larry Barbee

    Hi, I think wearing wigs are fun and fashionable. As a wig wearer myself, I’ve noticed that a third of he woman approve that I like to wears, another wig hated it, and the other third didn’t care one way or the other.

    While in college I had a ministry helping people dealing with alopecia. It was so sad to see the shame and lack of self self esteem so many people I’d ear my new wig t see what . The class, and people around me really liked my wig   wearing. and that inspired them to take to to start different wigs to give a variety of looks.   I even sort of challenge to do what I did. Many liked what I’ve done for encouraging and supporting others in the same to not only accept being bald, but to embrace their baldness.

    To answer your question. With no doubt some men will not accept that you wear a wig, but a lot of others will be open and accepting. Many of them will consider you to be an exotic beauty.

    Just don’t give up, not at least until not until you try and finding love, and see that there are a lot of men who will not care, and some will even like it. Wigs aren’t just for people with hair loss, they’re for anyone who want’s to wear them. Men as well as women. I’m a heterosexual man, so I do know what you are going through (as much as a man), and understand your concerns.

    Take care and God bless,

    Larry

     

     

     

  10. 50
    Larry Barbee

    I’ve dated a lot of women who wear wigs, and I adore those who do. Some of them had alopecia and I found them to be just as cute bald. But regardless of the reasons they wear wigs, I love the variety of looks that wigs provide.

    Is wearing a wig or being bald the first thing I find attractive or important about a woman? Certainly not, it’s just a wonderful extra.

    Larry

  11. 51
    Anonymous

    So you wear a wig. Some want to to change their look. Some due to medical conditions. If you wear one say so and if a guy doesn’t want to date you, keep it moving because he is not the one for you! Beauty is on the inside.

  12. 52
    MsBarb

    Some are and some aren’t, simply date the one/s who will accept the fact this is what you do. I wear them and am glad they exist.

  13. 53
    Anne McGilvary

    I washed & blow dried my hair, put coloured mousse on to help make it look thicker, fisnished up putting pins in my hair & wore my wig, my friend didn’t even know I had a wig on, wish I hadn’t mentioned it. When the wig came off my own hair was smarter for the rest of the day.

     

  14. 54
    Julienne

    I appreciate this question and the replies as I’m a woman experiencing extreme hair loss and texture issues. I’m at a point where the anxiety of seeing and feeling my hair like this is causing me to isolate and feel so low. I used to be semi attractive and now I’m 45 and close to shaving my head instead of dealing with how awful it looks daily. I wonder if anyone will find me attractive again but sometimes I’m just past the point of caring. It’s depressing. If I start wearing a wig then I’ve surrendered to probably always wearing a wig bc I doubt my hair will grow back. It’s not false advertising to wear a wig or for fun, it’s because of serious medical and/ or hair issues – not sure what to do anymore.

  15. 55
    Buck25

    Julienne,
    Let me respond to this from male perspective. What I’m hearing in your post is that this issue is really hurting your self-image, you confidence and your self esteem.This is not about what anyone else thinks; first and foremost this is about you. So get a wig; find a color and style that makes you feel attractive again, and once you do, wear it with confidence. Don’t be surprised if it takes a little time to get used to the appearance of the “new you”, that’s normal with any big change in your appearance, but it will pass, and in time you’’ll become more comfortable. Ultimately this is about you being ok with you again. I’m willing to bet that you’ll find yourself feeling better about yourself, and with that you’ll project a happier, more confident, more self -assured vibe, and that in itself will make you more attractive to men (you might not believe it, but most of us do pick up on those things in a woman, and it matters). Again though, this is more about your gift to you; don’t do this for men, do it for you. If your natural hair grows back again, great; if not, you still won’t have something to feel self-conscious and insecure about. That applies to anything you do to make you feel more attractive again, whether it’s changing you make-up, to changing you wardrobe to a more flattering look. With all the messaging women get about the importance of their looks (messaging that’s often exaggerated, honestly; a woman’s looks are important to most men, but not necessarily the end-all be-all that it’s often made out to be), it’s no wonder so many women feel self-conscious, even devastated by anything they feel makes them less attractive, even when it’s something most people don’t even really notice at all. If wearing a wig gives you the self-assurance to let yourself be your best self, go for it.

    Sometimes even little things can mean a lot. Some years back, I knew a woman about your age who was going through a divorce after an abusive marriage that left her self esteem in tatters; her soon-to-be ex had constantly ridiculed her looks, and particularly her teeth; she had a genetic problem that made them very brittle, and chipped and discolored. She had a hard time even making eye contact, and she never, ever smiled. That’s how ugly and worthless she felt. She eventually got to a good dentist, and over several months of capping and crowning, he was able to give her a beautiful, radiant smile. It took her a while to adjust, but slowly she learned to smile again, without being self-conscious about it, for the first time in 20 years. It took a few months but as she got used to that, you could see her confidence and self-esteem start to heal and grow. I really believe that was the key that really opened to the door to her healing process. Over a few more months, that sad, depressed woman blossomed; she finally even got the confidence to go back to school and complete the degree she abandoned when she got married; the last I heard of her, she had finished that, had the career she always wanted, had started dating again, and even had a new boyfriend!

    So you find just that right wig, Julienne, and you wear it, without any apology or regret! Maybe it will unlock that same door to happiness for you. I sure hope so. You see, you can’t love, or let yourself be loved, if you’re filled with sadness, shame and self-doubt; the good news is, you don’t have to go on feeling that way; you really don’t.

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