Invasion Of The Sperm Snatchers

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Several online articles have appeared recently regarding “sperm snatching,” including this one on Big Think. It cites a column in the Daily Mail by Liz Jones as well as another post on Big Think about sperm for sale. The author tackles the concept of Dynamic (or Time) Inconsistency as it relates to rising number on deceptive pregnancies: it is the economic concept that preferences can change over time. What may seem like the optimal choice in period one (not wanting the father’s money or support during pregnancy, for example) is not necessarily the optimal choice in period two (after the baby is born).

According to the Daily Mail article, a 2001 survey showed that 42% of women would lie about their contraceptive use if they wanted to get pregnant and their partner did not. Author Jones describes how, over the course of two relationships, she snuck into the bathroom in the middle of the night in order to inseminate herself using sperm rescued from condoms, despite the fact that both men had made their unwillingness to become fathers very, very clear to her. She tried to sperm snatch, but was unsuccessful.

In Big Think’s related article E-Sperm For Sale: Man Not Included, writer Pamela Haag discusses the sperm trade, and how children are “the new spouses,” the emotional and romantic anchors of many a modern family, NOT men. She ultimately advocates for effective male contraception since sperm snatching is becoming more rampant.

I’m disgusted by this concept of sperm snatching, but hey, I’m not a woman trying to get pregnant. Would love to hear your reactions below.

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Comments:

  1. 21
    Zann

    I’m not buying the 42% figure; especially after just reading an article about the growing number of people in their 20’s and 30’s opting out of parenthood altogether and seeking sterilization. Some of this is due to the fact that they’ve taken a hard look at the brutal economic climate, but also because they’re very concerned about the fact that we’ve reached a world population of 7 billion, and growing. I applaud these young people.

    As to Fleur’s comments (#14): Are you kidding me? Haven’t we yet figured out that having a baby with someone is NOT a good strategy for strengthening a relationship, or to “move along” a guy who is reluctant to commit? It’s just such a bad idea on so many levels. Just because your parents lucked out and managed to make a life together successfully doesn’t mean it’s a sound idea, nor is it responsible. And the world is a much different place than it was when your parents were procreating. I’m glad you’re happy to have been born, but advocating tricking a man into parenthood is naive, arrogant, self-centered, and not in the best interest of the child.

    I personally know women who openly admitted they went the route of “Woops, it just happened! Guess ya have to marry me now.” None of those marriages have lasted, and why would they? The relationship sprung from either dishonesty or carelessness, resulting in a baby. And as we all know, even planned parenthood can cause huge stress on a relationship.

    I’m all for men taking responsibility for birth control and not assuming that the woman will “have that covered.” As I taught my son, if you’re not ready for babies, either don’t have sex (har!) or make sure you’ve taken the necessary precautions to prevent pregnancy. Personally, I’d rather both women and men make their own informed choices about whether to have offspring. Maybe then we would have more babies growing up in supportive homes.

  2. 22
    Lisa

    Fleur- Men are not more “commitment-phobic” these days. Perhaps those men simply did not want to marry you, but went on to marry other women. Evan didn’t need a “push” to get married or a “push” to have a baby. He found the right woman and he genuinely wanted those thing. Shame on you, Fleur.

  3. 23
    Saint Stephen

    @Lisa
    I think you are been a bit too harsh on Fluer. You shouldn’t judge her till you have walked a mile in her shoes. Not every man is like Evan, and not every man wants to have kids.
    Even in this BLOG you will find men like that.
    If a woman wants a family and she keeps encountering men who don’t share her mindset- she might be tempted to “take the bull by the horn.”

    1. 23.1
      ShivaD

      @saint Stephen, fluer, anniec, and any other man or woman who defends this despicable action – You are CRAZY to EVER think this is okay. It is not nor will it ever be okay to steal someones sperm without their consent and to try and justify it shows how insane our society is. I feel so bad for men these days. As a woman I am embarrassed and ashamed to share the same gender with women like this. Then you try and lead us down your rabbit hole of delusion by bringing up stereotypes, double-standards, what-ifs and situations that have NOTHING to do with the subject matter. I am sooooo with Mike on this one. I cringe for the next decade if women like this are raising kids. Men you best flush those condoms and always bring your own. Never believe a woman when she says she will get an abortion or she is on bc – ever!!!!!

      And for anyone who doubts women do this I can personally tell you they do!! Cautionary tale: had a gf who was soooo in love with this guy. Had businesses, money, sex was great. She tried so many times to steal his sperm (like she told me this point blank!!!!). They break it off and she immediately jumps to the next guy and ends up pregnant. He doesn’t believe he is the father and mentally and physically abuses her the entire pregnancy. Once the child is born they get a DNA test and he was right. She eagerly runs back to Mr. Magnificent and he is the biological  dad. But guess what? He wants nothing to do with her or the child. See he already had a child and told her numerous times he didn’t want anymore. None of his bizs are in his name so she can’t prove he has an income and gets peanuts in child support. He wants to spend no time or effort on this child. She (mother of the year) decides one day to force him to be a dad so she decides to drop him off one wknd and roll. Do you know Monday morning he dropped the child off at her job without any change in outfit or hygiene? Now she feels and looks like a FOOL but he is labeled a dead beat dad. Newsflash!! He didn’t want to be a dad and took precautions but because my ex-friend was SO intent on having his child she is getting exactly what she deserves. The poor child has to suffer the psychology of a warped mother and a dad who doesn’t want him. He’s already off with a lot of emotional issues (hate to say it but he came out quite not right) and will probably grow up to be a detriment to society. All bcuz his mother thought she had the right to do this.

  4. 24
    Jenna

    How can a woman “accidently” get pregnant if a guy is taking responsibility for birth control? Why would a guy not use a condom if he doesn’t know and trust the woman’s character?

    My mom was dating during the 50s and 60s, before the pill and when guys were the ones who had access to birth control–condoms. A lot of people got married back then because of an “accident.” She said to me in a hushed tone that some of these women got pregnant “on purpose” to snag the guy.  In a full voice I said, “How do you get pregnant ‘on purpose’ when you don’t know when you can get pregnant and you personally have no access birth control?” She didn’t have an answer of course.

    All of her other dating stories are about guys trying to get some in what she calls “sneaky” ways. You do the math.

  5. 26
    Joe

    Honestly, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with what Fleur wrote.

  6. 27
    Jenna

    It will be a great day in human history when they come up with a pill for men. I wonder what excuse guys will come up with then!

  7. 28
    Mike

    Anyone who tries to justify this stuff is mentally disturbed.
    If a man used a condom, he made it clear his intent on not becoming a father.
    Comitment-phobe is a BS term. If women created a hypergamous model where the top men get sex without trying, then they are given no incentive to commit. And why should they? what can you offer that someone else won’t. the last few decades of women have helped create this mess sorry to say. now the chickens are coming home. the top dogs don’t want to marry or have kids, they got it too easy. the beta’s are waking up to the fact they got played and avoided during their sexual peaks and now are targets by the older crowd of women who chased alpha’s and failed to keep him leashed down.
    as Evan said in a previous post, you need to re-examine what you will offer him into his life to make it worth committing, which generally means not making his life a living hell or making it more trouble than it’s worth to remain single. he doesn’t care if you got 2 masters, a phd, drive a mercedes, wear pants to you law firm, are independent and could live without a man. <-these aren’t qualities that scream ‘man, i need to put a ring on her finger!’
    to the person who screams ‘men need a good push to get married and have kids’ who the &#^@ are you to decide for a guy what he should do with his life? some have been, and divorced, over completely stupid reasons and been burnt. why should they go through the meat grinder again? and why should any man be forced into a legal contract that is lopsided entirely towards women right now? some men have become so bitter with the scene they are ‘walking away’ because they choose not to be a part of the machine that makes them dutiful drones to the corporate machine (get married, make baby, work till you die to support both, either within marriage or through support after divorce.. take your pick)
    and finally, i think stealing someones sperm and making them fathers against their will (and making the law force them to support you) is JUST AS HEINOUS AS RAPING A WOMAN and FORCING HER TO CONCEIVE THE CHILD of her rapist and granting the rapist custody rights and shared visitation. nobody would argue for that being sane.
    i look forward to the day of a contraceptive pill for men. i’d welcome it. And i’m rooting for this to come not a day too soon, it will revolutionize mens reproductive rights forever > http://www.wired.com/magazine/2011/04/ff_vasectomy/all/1

  8. 29
    Michael17

    Fleur #14. WOW. I am glad I never came in contact with you. Talk about morally bankrupt.
      
    (1) Becoming pregnant to (try to) ensnare a man into a commitment or fatherhood is an act of selfishness, towards your unborn kids AND towards the man.
      
    (2) Semen on your body or on a disposed condom is indeed bodily fluid–until you try to use it to impregnate yourself against his expressed wishes. Then you are bringing a child into the world with his genetic code, which means that he is responsible.
      
    And even you feel this way yourself on some level. You say yourself: “none of my kids are products” of this. Wonder how they would feel if they were…
      
    Thanks to women like you, men like me watch our backs.

  9. 30
    Michael17

    Even if you “sperm dove” just because you wanted to be a mother–and didn’t care if the man stuck around–what you did was still despicable. If there is a child in the world with my genetic code, then I am the biological father. I don’t want to be a biological father without being a “real” dad. A surprising number of men (most of us) feel that way.

  10. 31
    Fleur

    The judgment out there is intense!

    Let me share a couple more  anecdotes.   There was a guy who was my friend, and in between relationships he and I would hook up. One day I asked if he wanted to have a child together. He said no. There are a number of reasons why he said no that have to do with his own life (not that I’m a degraded immoral person as many of you think.) We have been together a couple of times since. Once he threw the condom out himself. The other time he had a towel waiting and wiped away his own sperm. He took some responsibility for his human tissue and disposed of it properly. Those of you who don’t do that run the risk of someone taking it plain and simple.

    Two of my children were born from a marriage. We both discussed, wanted and tried for kids. He was a great dad until he decided he hated me for leaving him. For six years he has made my kids’ lives a living hell. He is a nasty awful father. Planning, agreeing and disclosing our intents and actions did absolutely nothing to ensure a happy home or peaceful childhood for our children. People change. People tell you what you want you to hear. I trusted this man and he couldn’t live up to our agreement. Making an agreement is no assurance that the agreement will be upheld. He was in the top two percent of wage earners last year and doesn’t pay child support, but he pays his attorney handsomely to get out of it. How anyone could think these two awesome kids who have had this sucky dad are better off than a child I plan for and pay for on my own is nuts.

    The idea that I want to be a single mother and not spend $1500 per insemination (which is on the cheap side – my gyno gives me a discount) should seem like a fair and reasonable idea. I’m not asking for money from any man who didn’t agree to have a child with me. What exactly is your genetic code worth? Nothing. If I borrow it to mix with mine, it’s no longer either of ours. It’s the child’s. The one that I’m raising and I’m paying for and the one that you don’t even know about. So properly dispose of your tissue or get over your attachment to your “code”.  

  11. 32
    Fleur

    oops, forgot to respond to Mike…

    Dude, sperm utilization is NOT rape. Are you seriously implying that dipping my finger into your sperm and putting up my own vagina is in any way  analogous  to me raping you? REALLY?   

    I’m horrified by the possibility that you actually believe this.   

  12. 33
    AnnieC

    Stealing sperm is wrong, but honestly what did people expect? Women want babies, men want sex. (and vice-versa).Problem is, we deceive others to get it both sex and babies. Another good reason why there were “rules” around this kind of thing in the past because people are inherantly selfish, and will hurt others for what they want.

    I have very little sympathy for a man or woman who chooses to have sex, and then grumbles about the end result either an STD or pregnancy. Use your brain for goodness sake.

    I’m really starting to think contraception was a huge mistake. People have no responsibility when it comes to sex these days, or the end result which is a child that needs a family. We behave as though we can do whatever we want with impunity.

  13. 34
    Saint Stephen

    Micheal17 said:
    Fleur #14. WOW. I am glad I never came in contact with you. Talk about morally bankrupt.
    That’s “Bullshit”- Just as Mike’s first sentence. People’s moral ethos differs as individuals. Going by my standard, folks who do indulge in premarital sex are morally bankrupt. Given such, it will be the case of one morally bankrupt person condemning another. Talk about Hypocrisy.
    If the woman is comfortable being a single mum- isn’t trying to drag the man into fatherhood- against his wish, then i still see nothing wrong with that. Just a case of conflicting interest.
    Man= wants to have pleasure- without responsibility.
    Woman= wants to have a baby.
    In the end they both get what they want. I see a win win situation.


    Micheal17 Said:
    If there is a child in the world with my genetic code, then I am the biological father.
    What does it matter if you aren’t been compelled to help raise the child. Children still grow without having a father. Stv jobs had a child he apparently denied for twenty something years- it didn’t stop the child from growing. How much is your genetic code worth? Just one “normal” baby.

  14. 35
    Greg

    Fleur,

    You were the one that left your husband.   Of course he is going to be upset.   It doesn’t sound like you need to be having any more children.   It doesn’t matter if you can afford them.   You need to be able to offer emotional stability too.   However, it  doesn’t  sound like you are very stable.  

  15. 36
    Jenna

    Mike@28: Believe me, there are many, many women who are just as sick of the traditional marriage scene as men are. Your comment seems to indicate that you think that all women are hell-bent on getting that ring on their finger. As someone else pointed out on here, the people who are not interested in getting married tend to find each other. People who want to be married find each other. Sounds like the sperm stealers aren’t really too interested in getting married; they’re interested in having children. There is no pressure nowadays for a guy to marry the woman he got pregnant unless it comes from inside of him. Which means that he’s being a victim to a sperm predator. Not a good thing at all. But, as someone else pointed out, it is not as violent as rape, and probably not as common, so don’t go equating the two.    

    To all: I would gander that if you added up all of the kids throughout history who were not “raised” by their fathers–meaning the dads were absent either physically, financially,  or emotionally–you would have an awfully high percentage of kids raised by  the “single mom.” What a fantasy this Ozzie&Harriet thing is. It shocks me how people so willfully deny the realities they see around them or that they experience themselves in pursuit of this fantasy. Just shocking.

  16. 37
    Mike

    Yes Fleur, im not taking it back. Im equating it to the act of being violated, turned into a parent against your will and being subjected to the full force of the law to enact by force punitive measures against the man to pay for a conception he clearly had no intention of having and took steps to avoid, or had no say in the matter whatsoever. The links below should suffice to make my point.
    http://chicagofamilylawyersblog.com/2010/12/are-unwilling-sperm-donors-subject-to-child-support.html

    http://www.salon.com/2000/10/19/mens_choice/

    http://www.childsupportguidelines.com/articles/art199903.html
    I especially like the story of the man who was drunk raped by his wife, or the underage boy sexually assaulted by the older babysitter, and both forced into a life of servitude by the power of the state.
    Those who steal sperm because they can’t find a willing partner to commit to them and put up with their BS is not the fault of men. You are not privileged nor do you have a right to a child, only in your diseased mind do you think that. Nor are you willing to go the legal route and pay for the process of legal artificial insemination. No, you resort to theft. You are no better than a man who forces himself upon a women because no woman will willingly sleep with him yet he feels he is entitled to having sex. So yes, i call it an equivalent to rape. And to hell with you if you don’t agree, i don’t give a damn.
    I look forward to the day men can take a pill, or go for painless reversible vasectomies and reclaim our reproductive rights and our biological and paternal futures. A future when men can choose when they are ready to be parents with people they trust. No more ‘oh the pill failed’ or other nonsense.
    Until then guys, toss your rubbers in the toilet, or make sure she swallows every last drop.

  17. 38
    Jenna

    Mike@37: The men you talk about are in the unfortunate position of having to prove that they did not offer their sperm willingly, that they were coerced or deceived into having unprotected sex, and repeatedly, with the same woman (because one act of intercourse rarely leads to pregnancy, and women don’t know any better than men do if they will or won’t conceive from any particular  act of intercourse). Seeing as most women don’t find it all that hard to find men who are willing to have unprotected sex with them, this argument is going to be hard to make. No one will believe it.

    But  let’s say for argument’s sake that a case like this goes to trial. All the opposing lawyer would have to do to win is to fill the jury with women–because no woman in the world has not had some guy pushing her for sex  without any thought of the consequences, without even asking if she were protected.  I would say that practically every single woman has had this experience, whereas very, very few have “stolen” sperm. Also, no guy would be fit for the jury because all either lawyer would have to do is to ask them during voir dire “did you ever–even once–have sex with a woman without using a condom, without knowing if she were using any birth control?” And if he were that hypothetical guy who has always been 100% responsible toward his partners and had his sperm stolen, opposing counsel would not allow him on the jury.

    But it sounds like you have a mission. Get out there and tell guys to use condoms, dispose of the condoms properly, and push for a contraceptive pill for men. Believe me, you would be doing a great service for the majority of women, who are very tired of most men’s irresponsible attitude toward the consequences of sex and their cluelessness about how conception happens (women can’t get pregnant  at  will and we don’t have some mysterious sixth sense about when we can). At the same time  you would be punishing the would-be sperm stealers, who are a ridiculous minority of women. I say ridiculous, because most men are all over themselves to offer their sperm for free.  

    You might want to suggest, too, that men offer oral  in exchange for it and avoid coitus altogether. Another way that a guy can make sure he’s  protected from the power of that  voracious, sperm-hungry  egg.   

  18. 39
    Mike

    Jenna,
    I too am tired of men failing to own up to their real responsibilities when the decide to go in raw and throw caution to the wind. I do want men to have this ability, and if men had the same birth control options as women (pill, noninvasive) i’d say there would be NO excuse for men. I gladly welcome the responsibility, as most men should. It would fix this mess up lickity split. As you say, if so many women are so loathe and careless to let guys blow their loads in them completely unprotected, i think the problem goes deeper than just my crusade. But what we’re talking about here is someone being deceptive and using sperm produced through a normal sex act which was performed with the intention of AVOIDING pregnancy. You don’t get a blowjob expecting her throat to connect to her womb. Common sense.
    Lets differentiate tho what ‘all over themselves to off their sperm for free’ means. If it means achieving climax orally, or for any purpose that deviates from an express desire to inseminate into the vagina for the express purpose of procreation, then one should reasonably assume it isn’t an open invite to use said leftover genetic material to create a child that was 1. unwanted 2. unplanned for by both parties and c. legally and financially fucks over the ignorant party.
    I am pretty sure no woman (and correct me if im wrong) would abide a future where genetic cloning were made available, and men started rumaging through your garbage looking for your used tampons so they could clone you in the hopes of creating a compliant sex plaything. You’d be mortified that someone is using YOUR genetic material you so casually discarded into the public landfill for some nefarious purpose you had no say in and no choice in preventing and which may have legal ramifications you are unaware of. Not a pleasant future is it?
    And believe me, i preach to guys to offer oral. It’s my fetish and i love to offer it because i enjoy it so damn much and love seeing a woman get off multiple times. Am i that rare of a male because i choose to want to pleasure the person im with? What is this f’n world coming too.

  19. 40
    Mike

    @Saint Stephen #23

    “If a woman wants a family and she keeps encountering men who don’t share her mindset- she might be tempted to “take the bull by the horn.”

    “If a man wants to have sex and he keeps encountering women who don’t share his mindset- he might be tempted to “take the bull by the horn.”

    Great argument.

    As men are not (i repeatedly hear this from Slutwalk) entitled to a woman’s vagina whenever the mood strikes, so too is a woman not entitled to childbirth simply because she wants it.

    Modern technology has advanced and given women the appropriate tools to seek out alternatives if they cannot find a suitable mate. Even then it is still NOT a right… one can try, and yet may still fail due to infertility, miscarriage, etc..

    You have NO right have a child by any means necessary. You have no right to steal bread from an individual, even if he has no intention of eating that bread. You are commuting a crime, and a stupid one at that considering you have the option of going to the food bank and getting bread. What is wrong with you people who see nothing wrong with this/these women?

    It is not the fault of any man, and you’re perceived injustices are no excuse for this kind of reprehensible behavior. Simply unjustifiable and makes you look like a pathetic person.. and not the pity kind.

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