Become the Woman that No Man Can Ever Leave

Become the Woman that No Man Can Ever Leave

I’m still buzzing from the email that I got from my former client, Michelle. And let me say, that Michelle is one of my favorite clients ever.

Always good-humored, always confident, always present — and, most importantly, always coachable, Michelle saw instant results in working with me.

She attracted a man who was different than her previous boyfriends — and that’s exactly what she needed. After all, Michelle will be the first to tell you that she’s a bit of a handful. And after dominating (and losing respect) for her last guy, she craved the attention of a man who was a little more alpha.

Men don’t stay with women who treat them as incomplete projects — they bond with women who make them feel good.

She got him — and she got all the problems that come with being with such a man.

She couldn’t tell him what to do.

She couldn’t make him say that he loved her fast enough.

She couldn’t ensure that he wanted to stick around for the future.

Although Mark treated her great, he was still very much a MAN. Early 50’s, successful, busy, a divorced father of a teenaged son, he felt very fortunate to have landed a 33-year-old stunner like Michelle.

All of the stories that Michelle told me reiterated how much he valued her, and at the time that she gave me this testimonial that’s on my Private Coaching page, she was in a great comfort zone with Mark.

He treated her well, he told her he loved her, he put up with her self-proclaimed “brattiness,” and he alluded to a future together.
But all relationships have their challenges, and Mark and Michelle were no different.

The elephant in the room for this couple was that Michelle very much wants to have kids, while Mark never really anticipated that he’d be a father again in his 50’s.

While I was coaching Michelle through the first four months of their relationship (and intermittently in between), I cautioned her to NOT put any pressure on him about getting married and having kids. While theoretically, she could be “wasting” her time with him, my advice was to let him fall in love with her.

If he did, she would have a lot more leverage when the baby talk came up, as opposed to trying to extract an answer out of him in the early stages of the relationship.

This worked like a charm. Because really, it was no secret that Michelle wanted to be a Mom, and since Mark was a man of integrity, he wanted to do right by his girlfriend. He agreed, last July, to be the future father of her children.

Then he changed his mind a few months later.

No matter how much he loved Michelle, Mark just couldn’t pull the trigger on a second round of fatherhood, and they tearfully parted ways.

True love will find you sooner rather than later – as long as you prioritize your love life.

I was sad for Michelle, but very proud at how she handled herself. Despite her high-maintenance tendencies, she became better at understanding Mark’s needs and point of view, and created the healthiest relationship that she’d ever had before.

Every time she wanted to criticize him for how he handled his relationship with his son, or his ex-wife, or his boss, she remembered that men don’t stay with women who treat them as incomplete projects — they bond with women who make them feel good.

Most importantly, from our work together, Michelle knew that her future husband wants to be a dad, and thus, she had no regrets about walking away when she did.

That was the last I’d heard from Michelle. Until today.

Turns out that her breakup only lasted for one week.

Mark loved Michelle.

Her playfulness, her sexiness, and yes, even her attitude and mood swings. After spending a year and a half together, Mark realized that he couldn’t imagine life without her. Which is as it should be.

And while I give Michelle credit for becoming the woman that no man can ever leave, Michelle actually gives ME credit. Here’s a snippet of her note to me:

I asked him why he had a change of heart and finally came to this conclusion.   He said because he’s in love with me.  

I can’t tell you what this has done for me in this relationship.   I feel so relieved and at ease with it all.  

Evan, you taught me to be playful, lighthearted, patient, kind and compassionate.  

You’re an AMAZING (THE BEST) dating coach!

Thank you.   ”¨



I love Michelle and I love this story.

A confident, successful, attractive woman in her mid-30s finds a masculine, confident man, wins him over with her feminine energy, and makes herself so indispensable to his life that he can’t imagine being without her.

I’m attending their wedding this summer in San Francisco and I couldn’t be more excited for the both of them.

Know that this is within your grasp and that true love will find you sooner rather than later – as long as you prioritize your love life like Michelle did.

Join our conversation (250 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 1

    But its easier for a woman in her thirties than fifties – men once again are driven by age and looks.

    1. 1.1


      Not the point….

    2. 1.2

      I  agree with boss. Older men want younger women esp if they are egotistic and narcissistic. It boosts their confidence.   

      1. 1.2.1

        I’m sorry but I was with a guy for 17 months said he liked me but never loved me, he wasn’t interested in a relationship and didn’t want to hurt his kids if a relationship was to go wrong. He’s 53 and I’m 40, he said he was the lucky guy who got me then he changed, we agreed to keep seeing each other and then after a phone call to say he wanted me and was interested less than 72 hrs later he tells me he was seeing someone all along and is going to make a go of it with her and she’s met his kids ! she’s older than me and less attractive, i told him I love him and he asked why I never told him, he said he would have been shocked but it may have worked! 2 days later he txt to say he had thought about the situation but he is staying with his decision. I want him back but he won’t return my txts but has said we can talk face to face and return my stuff, but he won’t say when. I’m confused as he seems to say one thing then mean another so being with a younger more attractive woman isn’t what older men want it’s just what the chose and I wish it was me. Maybe he will see he’s made a mistake but I’m pretty confident he won’t! I blame myself for allowing him to treat me how he did so I have to heal myself and move on and accept the fact he’s never coming back

    3. 1.3

      I totally agree boss.

    4. 1.4

      That was my exact thought as soon as I finished reading this. Most men would do anything to be with a woman 15 years younger. Their ego is more important than what they want.

    5. 1.5
      Rita Morgan

      I’m a 60 year old woman and I’d have to agree with you there, Boss.

  2. 2

    This is a heartwarming story. I agree that we should all be the best partner we can be and not pressure, chase or nag a man. However, it’s just not true that if you’re a great partner a man will want to stick around. I’ve been exactly that woman to multiple men who still didn’t want a relationship with me. And I don’t think these man would have had anything particularly bad to say about me, they just weren’t in a place for a deeper relationship, it was bad timing, or didn’t feel a deeper connection.

    This becomes even clearer when I swap dating stories with my many guy friends. I can think of four off the top of my head who recently dated people they kind of flaked out on. They would never be able to say these women did something WRONG — things just never developed, and they would be astonished if those women were crying into an ice cream dish wondering how they erred.

    A lot of girls are so prone to thinking they did something wrong or weren’t good enough and that mentality will drive you into depression. Just follow what I consider to be the better part of Evan’s dating advice: push through rejection, continue going on dates. The right guy will appreciate your good qualities.

    1. 2.1

      thanks so much for sharing this, as a fellow single woman dating I appreciate!

    2. 2.2
      Just a normal guy

      I’m sorry but this story is not heart warming at all. The girl broke up with a guy who was extremely kind to her and wanted kids for a man that is not as kind and only said yes to kids as a last resort. She almost certainly married him for the money/security and he to her because he was lonely and wanted someone to be with. The guy is older and divorced, what probably made him your supposed alpha is that pain of being betrayed and used, that he most certainly felt after his first marriage. Betrayal does that to men, we are told all our lives to keep in our emotions and never let them show, and if by any chance we do cry we become less of a man to all around us. When you are born male becoming less of a man is horrible, you cant blindly trust anyone without pain in the long run. When you think of a man think girl that has repressed all of her feelings so much that on the outside she looks fearless but on the in side wants to let her emotions go wild (cry, laugh, be spastic) and all the rest. Many men have felt this way but would never tell you, no matter how hard you try ask or push the topic, reason? Because if they do they know that once they let part of that repressed emotion go they will become worthless in the eyes of both men and women. When you talk to a guy talk to him as if you were talking to a child version of   yourself. He wants to be loved not walked on or mistreated, not belittled or judged, what a man wants is a friend. A friend that he can slowly open up to and will accept him for whoever he is. Kind of like a bromance (someone who that even though might disagree with his opinions, will talk them out for nothing more then an understanding of what the other person is trying to say.) But he wants all of this with a girl he can be intimate and raise a child with.
      But maybe I’m wrong, maybe men are as you say horny dogs that just want food and sex. But as for me this stuff is true, I don’t want a girl that is going to play hard to get or one who is going to present a challenge every day of my life. I want a girl who doesn’t act like she is a prize to be sought and wants to have sex every night not just because shes horny but because she wants to be with me (only me) and perhaps understand me a little better, I want a girl that wants to split the work 50/50 (both have jobs, both take care of the house and kids). I want a girl that I can always trust to tell me the truth no matter what. I am this kind of man on the inside. But as many would tell you if you knew me, that I am the quite alpha that leads from the side of the pack walking along with the rest until there is a threat in the front. I really hope the “women” in the world realize that becoming a MAN/WOMEN is not about how much of an prize you can make yourself but how much you can make that other person feel that they are a prize to be sought for.
      ~Just a normal guy  

      1. 2.2.2

        this is the best comment I have ever read. I have been in Google searching for a professionals help in this area and I think U r dead on. My man is alpha as well and I know he is this way by the little things he says. But must I say it is hard to make him feel like a man and hold him to such high regard when he is still married and I have to wait a year b4 he moves out so his children can get older. I battle with this every day and I know if he were mine I can make him feel more manly than anyone has Simply kuz it’s the truth. i think this advice will work for all woman. Men can be simple if u know what they want.  

        1. Katt

          A married man ….. Really!?   Any particular reason you can’t go on with your life without him and when/if he ever leaves his wife, or his wife leaves her cheating husband      – then have a relationship with him if you’re still available?   Is his wife in on the 1 year plan?   Let me guess …   She doesn’t understand him blah, blah, blah.   This is a recipie for heartache but we reap what we sow!!

      2. 2.2.3

        Thank you just a normal guy.   This helps out a lot.   I feel this guy I just met is looking for.the same someone to accept him the way he is.

      3. 2.2.4
        Just another girl

        Wow. Thank you for your openness and pure honesty. It was truly insightful. I wish you all the love in the world

      4. 2.2.5

        Wow! Well said, totally agreed and my eyes a wide open. Bless you for sharing

      5. 2.2.6
        little lady

        So very true!

    3. 2.3

      Wow. This msg truly gave me new hope, as I had already given up on love. Thank u so much

    4. 2.4

      very very true. Chasing and nagging scare them away.   I would feel the same if a man did that to me esp the beginning of getting to know them. It has happened to me. But I have also been a chaser pusher before. Mainly because I was married 24 years and divorced.   Started talking to guys online, which is very challenging but at 50 I don’t want to go looking for men in bars. Anyway. I was very vulnerable and trusting this older man. Thinking an older one would not lie. I got emotionally invested and slept with him more than once. He then began to say hurtful things and I did not want to accept I was used.   Took me forever to move on and realize he was experienced at womanizing.   I would make excuses a lot and blame myself.   It’s ok. I believe what comes around goes around.

      1. 2.4.1

        Sorry Joy you experienced that. I did too. I was 53 and vulnerable and fell for a 55 year old man who was a good guy at heart but was Immature petulant and experiencing deep depression and pain at growing older.  i spent a year helping him rebuild himself giving and loving him unconditionally. He went from one crush to another. I bled out.

        Now hes better and becoming a great guy…chasing younger women mostly leggy blondes …He’s eternally grateful to me and blows kisses to me as I sit pretty in the former older lover now demoting to just-friends zone. Never again.

    5. 2.5

      Yes, but men who act like that aren’t “boyfriend” material from the start.   Believe me, I dated plenty of those types…they want a female around but they don’t want a girlfriend.   It’s not your problem.   It’s their problem.   Your first mistake is acting like some other guy’s aimless love life is your problem.   These guys are only your problem if you make them  your problem.   Tell them to f*ck off and find someone who deserves your time and attention.

      This advice applies to boyfriends, friends, family, everyone.   Do not allow anyone in your life who does not give you the respect you deserve.   Period.   Men are not exempt from this very basic rule.

      I get it.   Our self esteems take a hit when we are dating.   We start to think that someone else’s shallow opinion of us matters.   It doesn’t.   It really, really doesn’t.   The moment you  have to wonder about whether someone enjoys talking to you, being around you or is just playing you is literally the moment at which you make the conclusive decision to walk away.   It is the easiest rule ever.   I apply it across the board.   Life is to short to allow people in your life who only make half-as*ed efforts.   There aren’t enough hours in the day.   A full life requires FULL relationships.

      1. 2.5.1

        To Lindsey at 2.5,

        I know this thread is old, but your post really resonated. I’m going to put it in my phone and read it periodically! Thank you!

  3. 3

    Wow! What a beautiful story. Gives me hope that everything happens for a reason. I’m glad there was a happy ending, by the way!!!

    1. 3.1
      Uncle Jeff

      The wedding was a happy beginning.   The ending hasn’t played out yet.

      1. 3.1.1
        Uncle Jeff

        “To a woman, a man is the means, and the child is always the end.” — Friedrick Nietsche

        For the marriage to last, a woman has to continue to be the same person he married, despite her hormones changes after childbirth.   That takes some work and determination, because the focus of her attention will tend to be more on the child than her husband.   He may not say so, but he will resent it.

        1. Uncle Jeff

          “By all means, marry.   If you find a good wife, you will be happy.   If you don’t, you will become a philosopher.” – Socrates

  4. 4

    Aww, need to hear more happy endings!

  5. 5

    LOL. He’s 20 years older than a self admitted sexy stunner. It took him ONE WEEK of partying with his cronies to realize he’d never find another like her.

    I reallllly loved this story and hope against hope that it works out for her but I feel a divorce is in the future before that baby is 2 years old.

    I wish her all the best but I sense that her dominating tendencies WILL come out eventually and he WILL also realize he can get another younger woman if he’s so rich, powerful and confident – and he’s stuck with a nag. Unless he’s tired of “the game” and wants to “retire” eventually. In that case: true change is AMAZING and RARE and GOOD FOR THEM.

    I hope they make it last… 🙂

    I started reading this blog even before my divorce was final, took some time, then dated. I do everything Evan says and can have handfuls of men at my disposal – but are they the ones I want? Personally my feminine energy I think freaks some men out. I’m VERY domestic. They come to have a dinner made for them Date X and are astounded at how gracious and warm I am…why does this scare them off? I have made NOT ONE GESTURE toward a future with them – yet they see my beautiful life as something I somehow want to “foist” on them.

    Ummmmm other way around. Yes I am lonely at times but no way will I settle ever again like I did with my first husband. I’m a feminine, submissive gracious female who just wants a man to love and care for and mutual respect. My best friend David says that I scare them WITH my competence. NO not an “alpha” female. I’m very very feminine. I just think 14 years of marriage at a young age made me WAY more domestic than the average career woman 33 year old. Men are terrified they can’t “measure up” is what I hear. 🙁

    Believe me I date allllll types as I feel I HAVE “no” type. Yanno? I am now trying TO Figure that out. I’ve dated multi millionaire attorney types and also younger philosophy student types with not a penny to their name. LOL. I am looking for my best friend and that’s sooo hard to find nowadays. 🙁

    Anyhow: still wish the OP success but somehow my jadedness is coming to the fore – not sure what it is but something about the story struck me as almost too cliche. Sorry. 🙁

    1. 5.1

      Hi Mona..

      You sound like a wonderful woman!   Perhaps just showing intermittent hints of that to your new date is more mysterious for him.   A man only connects and “feels good” around you when he is catering to YOU.   It makes him feel masculine.   Lean back and give him the “gift” of working at unlocking all the goodness he is sensing in you. That is your feminine action.   Men LOVE the reward only when they feel they have earned it!   Crazy but….soooo true!!

      Good Luck Mona and make ’em work for the Awesome Mona!!


    2. 5.2
      Uncle Jeff

      Your “jadedness” is steeped in realism.     For a successful relationship, there needs to be an Alpha, and a Beta willing to submit to the Alpha’s subtle dominance.   Two Alpha’s are deadly.   Yet, one of the attributes most Alpha women are attracted to is an Alpha personality in a man.

      Most of the conflicts in the world, from the geopolitical to the marital, are the result of one side trying to change the nature of the other, and the other resisting being changed.

      As the Persian poet, Kahlil Gilbran wrote, “If the two of us are to live as one, which one of us will it be?”

  6. 6

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, Evan. I wish I could be just “so happy for Michelle.”
    Why, exactly, are we supposed to be happy for a 33 year old who is about to become the “Trophy Wife” of a 50-something Alpha male who wouldn’t even consider a woman closer to his own age??
    It is all about her looks and her youth and has absolutely nothing to do with who she is inside.
    You have said in the past that men are completely superficial and this is definitely more proof!
    I have a 51 year old wealthy friend who is going through this right now, his beautiful 30 year old girlfriend is pressuring him for marriage and children, and his divorce isn’t even final!!
    He is so concerned with impressing his friends with her youth and her looks, however, that he is allowing himself to be talked into another marriage before his 1st one is even over!!
    I find all of this very sad and disturbing and I am sorry to say that I am in no way happy for Michelle.
    Just my opinion…like Mona, I have seen too much, and this story IS a “Trophy Wife” cliche.
    She is his plaything to show off to his friends, and I agree with Mona..there is a divorce in the future, unless he gets sick and needs a nursemaid.

    1. 6.1

      She doesn’t look like a trophy wife. She looks closer to 40 than 30 in the video. So you guys need to chill. “Haters gonna hate.”

      1. 6.1.1

        they DO give trophies for last place… It’s called “most improved”

        1. Dagny

          this comment is not aimed at the subject of the story, this is about the trophy wife paradigms in general

    2. 6.2
      Uncle Jeff

      Blame Mother Nature; she’s a bitch.   Women are hardwired in their DNA to get their eggs fertilized to perpetuate the species.   She needs a man to fertilize them, then provide resources to support her and the children.

      Man is hardwired in their DNA to fertilize as many eggs as he can, typically about every third day.

      The female’s window of opportunity for fertilizing eggs quickly begins to diminish around age 40.   On the other hand, men can generally still perform their perpetuation of the species function into their 80’s.   While most older men don’t really plan to start a second family, their natural sex drive often leads them into it.

      Here’s the problem.   Women’s innate instinct is to get a man to commit to her by affection and sexuality in order to get her eggs fertilized, but once fertilized, her hormonal instincts change, and she often lacks the sex drive that she had before marriage.   Her husband sent into the relationship expecting regular sex in exchange for providing resources to support the family.   Too often, the “regular” isn’t there, and he begins to feel he got trapped and cheated.

      This axiom is the secret to success in many things in life:   “Do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, whether you feel like it or not.”

  7. 7

    This woman has ended up with a man old enough to be her own father with baggage so no success story. I am surprised she needed a dating coach to manage to find this relationship. It sounds like my worst nightmare.

    A “success” story in my book would be an alpha woman who meets an alpha man in more or less the same age group not alpha woman settles for alpha man old enough to be her father or alpha woman ends up stuck being bread winner for beta man of similar age who is incapable of it.

    1. 7.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @Fiona and @Maria – I’m sad for you that you have such bitterness towards the world that you are willing to publicly rain on someone else’s parade.

      It is certainly not your place to say, Maria, that he doesn’t love her for who she is on the inside. I know her very well and she’s BEAUTIFUL on the inside. You have absolutely no idea what’s going on in his life or why he chose her. How can you say that she’s merely a trophy wife for him to show off when you’ve neither met him or her? That’s right. You can’t.

      And Fiona, Michelle didn’t “settle” at ALL. She had run through a series of beta boyfriends that she didn’t respect and finally found a MAN that was worthy of her. I’m going to her wedding with my wife in July. And whether you’d want to date an older man or not is entirely irrelevant: both parties, I can assure you, are extremely happy.

      To sum up, you can both leave this blog right now. The world needs more women like Michelle. It needs a lot fewer haters like you.

      1. 7.1.1

        Sorry Evan  you are wrong
           The  ‘haters’ they  hit the nail on the head 100%

        1. Sandra

          Id bet money the ” haters” as Evan name called, are correct. Ive been around the block a few times as a beautiful blonde in nyc……been there done that.

      2. 7.1.2

        Evan, you know that I have been a loyal follower.   This time I have to say that Fiona and Maria are not haters.  
        why don’t you please do a update on this in say a year and give us some insight?
        thank you Evan, as always , for all you do for us.

      3. 7.1.3

        Evan lol.

        1. Sandra

          3 years is still very new…..

      4. 7.1.4


        instead of beating up on these women, why not practice some insight

        try having some compassion for those who have been on the rotten side of the receiving end.

        It doesnt matter what their opinion is on the relationship. But a dating or relationship coach shouldnt respond to the sadness I feel here by expounging every comment that doesnt spew rainbows and marshmallow kisses.

        These are real people with real experiences that deserve compassion not your contempt. Perhaps using your grace, empathy and skill as a relationship coach to give hope to these naysayers who deep down want desperately to be proven wrong.

        just something to look at.

        1. Rita Morgan

          Maria and Fiona:   you are probably right but no need to respond with such vitriol. When I was 35 yrs. of age I dated a 50 yr. old man.   He said explicitly that he liked dating younger women. Now I’m 63 and, believe me, I was a lot prettier when I was 35. But I just say to myself that I’ve had my day in the   sun and now it’s someone else’s turn. No bitterness. It is what it is.

    2. 7.2

      yes I am nodding and agreeing with you.

    3. 7.3

      So true👏🏻

  8. 8

    What I took of it, was this women found a man she was interested in, remained happy with herself so that she could show that to him, and when it became clear he was waffling on children walked away gracefully. Any women will have one conflict with a man, whether it be brattiness, or something else. If there is only one thing about your character you compromise in a relationship that is a good sign. Walking away from a kind, loving, successful, and attractive man, no matter what his age is, is difficult. Good for her, she did it with grace, on a non-negotiable point, and he came back. She allowed him to cherish her, and when she was gone he realized he missed her. This is all very hard, to walk forward, and not know if he will snap back. It is very hard to trust your heart and the process of a man like this falling in love. They won’t gush feeling, they won’t make lots of promises for the future, (because their promises are important and not to be taken lightly) and they have to realize they are in love, which takes time.

  9. 9

    Hey, Evan. This one bit in your article that confused me a little:

    ‘Every time she wanted to criticize him for how he handled his relationship with his son, or his ex-wife, or his boss, she remembered that men don’t stay with women who treat them as incomplete projects — they bond with women who make them feel good.’

    Ok, so what DID she do then? Did she just fight her instinct of trying 2 help him in certain areas of his life by making a few observations? Does this mean that we shouldn’t give advice to men unsolicited? I have the feeling that i am walking a fine line here… – so, if he was a terrible dad, did she just shut up?…

    I know this might be a bit much to ask, but could you please enlighten me here?

    BTW, I personally feel happy for Michelle- reluctant, but happy. I just hope she didn’t settle for Mark… Other than that, congrats 😀

    1. 9.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @Ileana – Yes, don’t give unsolicited advice to men. If you don’t like how he is as a father, boyfriend or human being, go find another guy. If he asks for your feedback because something’s not working, you can be sure to give him your constructive criticism. It’s exactly how you’d like to be treated, by the way.

      1. 9.1.1

        Evan. After 10 years my man says he loves having me in his life to give him a “kick in the ass” when he needs it. Not all the time- never petty- but the point is he is my friend foremost. Alphas rarely have people around them with the guts to set them straight. I don’t think you’re accurate when you say that people don’t want a friend to tell them when they are on the wrong path. Do it as a friend -do it with love and kindness…and that’s exactly how I would want to be treated too by the way.

  10. 10

    You say to Maria and Fiona to leave the blog because the world needs a lot fewer haters like them.. Really? In my opinion the world needs people who feel free to express their different opinions. Personally, i generally enjoy your articles a lot, but your answer this time doesn’t sound so democratic to me.

    1. 10.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @nikoletta – The world does need people to express their different opinions. I was just so personally offended by their ignorance – and genuinely upset that they’d dare insult my friend and client – that I decided to kick them both out of my house. America may be a democracy. My blog is not.

  11. 11

    I feel that women like Michelle are a dime a dozen, especially in the world of 50-something divorced Alpha males looking for a younger, very beautiful second wife. Some cynics call them “Gold-diggers,” but in this case, I will give your girl the benefit of the doubt and wish her well! I hope that he gets a Pre-Nup, though, if he is that wealthy!

  12. 12

    With all due respect, this girl seems to be more of a “friend” than a “client.” Maybe a relative? I can’t think of any other reason for your violently irrational response to Maria and Fiona. Maybe your closeness to this person blinds you to the fact that from the outside, this really does sound like just another 30 – something pretty girl, (with the added help of BRILLIANT COACHING), snagging another wealthy 50-something Alpha male who wants a Trophy Wife… baby or no baby. Maybe step back and take a breath? I wish them all the best, by the way! 🙂

    1. 12.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Nope @lisa – she’s just a client. We’ve never met in person. Probably spent 20 hours on the phone over a couple of years. And regardless of what it “sounds like” to you, since you have absolutely zero knowledge of the parties involved, your opinion is not only irrelevant, but flat-out wrong. We’re talking about a very happy and compatible couple here.

      You can offer dissents to my dating advice all you want, but when it comes time to insulting someone? Me? My wife? My clients? You’re gone.

      1. 12.1.1

        What do you think of Mathew Hussey Evan? I think his advice is far too sexually focused and also focuses on ‘challenging’ the man and ‘challenging him to chase’ which is surely just chasing! and giving him standards to live up to. Your advice seems much nicer and just about being yourself but not trying to force the relationship. He talks about investing the same as you put in but also says to text when a man’s interest has gone cold and invite him to places.

        1. Evan Marc Katz

          I usually don’t take questions here, but wanted to answer briefly. I think Hussey’s a great guy – logical, smart, charismatic, hard working. I also think he knows as much has he can possibly know at age 28. We all grow with age – I know I did. So I will not throw him under the bus because I think he runs a good business and helps many women. But I would agree that you should never have to remind a man that you’re alive and chase him down by text. Your boyfriend will always make the effort – otherwise, he’s not much of a boyfriend.

  13. 13

    This was a wonderful read! Wish her a BIG congrats. 😀

    It DOES show that a strong, successful, and confident woman (with all the personality that comes with that) can find someone of the same temperament by changing how they interact in the relationship. She became his complement.

    Thank you Evan for your responses. I was getting upset reading all the negativity! It’s ironic that this happens whenever you post a new and happy beginning.

    I believe that if you are struggling in the dating world and this post about her transformation only confuses you, you have a few options. Join Evan’s coaching service, change the way you see yourself and dating, or be negative. If you aren’t positive and happy in your current life then it will come through in the dating. (See Evan’s past post)

    This shows that with positive coaching, a change in attitude, and a commitment to love (finding it in another and yourself), you can forge a healthy, committed relationship. 🙂

  14. 14

    I’m sorry, but I do not see a problem here.
    A high value woman (she looks more like 26 than 33) and a high value (read confident wealthy mature male) are perfectly suited.

    They both get something out of the relationship that they want and I am sure they both sincerely love each other, despite what many women here want to believe.
    The talk of “trophy” and “gold digging” is just jealous nonsense.

    The only thing I find annoying is that I usually get stamped on for “not getting it”. Sorry, I DO get it.

  15. 15

    Spoken like a true, gloves off (women over a certain age have “low” value) male, and NO, ZAQ, you certainly DON’T get it. The insensitivity and blindness of your view go way beyond this particular couple’s story.

    1. 15.1

      Shhh.   Telling the truth is being “insensitive”.

  16. 16

    Evan. Love and read your blog. But,I want to comment. The two “haters” have their own views, based on their own emotions. Obvious to an intelligent person (including me 🙂 is that their comments are not based on knowledge of Michelle or her situation, but, which seem stem from their own (unknown to us) hurt.
    I see no reason to take such harsh action; to ban them.
    I would hope that we might try to reach them on the level they require, with compassion and a desire to connect, a hope to help them heal.

    1. 16.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @sandra – Three things:

      1) I appreciate your compassion. It’s a nice sentiment and it says a lot about you.

      2) My entire career is helping women understand and connect with men. And after 9 years of doing this, I’ve learned that if someone has that much irrational bitterness or hatred towards strangers, or such a skewed view of life based on previous hurts, it’s not within my capacity to “help them heal” in a hundred word blog comment.

      3) I would rather have no readers than readers who think that they can spew negativity and venom under the name of “democracy”. Not all speech is created equal. Not all view points are equal. I have access to facts about this inspiring couple. Maria and Fiona did not. So while I feel bad that they’re such sad and angry people that they’d begin to slander a happy bride whose wedding is in less than a month, I don’t have the patience or tolerance to show them the error of their ways. I do hope that they find their way and I wish them all the best. Everyone deserves love. Even 52 year old men who want to marry women in their 30’s.

      1. 16.1.1

        This is my very first comment after discovering this blog and I can’t help myself to share some of my views about this situation. Humans can can be haters. Man and woman alike. You can feel free to comment on a lot of things but I think that people forget that it does not have to be all bout you. Especially this blog is about 2 people that seems to get what they really want in their lives. As time passes by a lot of relationships fail because we always think of ourselves. Of what our opinions and that we always seems to want other people to behave what we view of what “perfect and happy relationship” means. We forget that everybody is slightly different from the other. As far as the 2 girls involved being so negative about this, they forget that this blog is not about they’re personal experience. It’s about having love and choices the 2 couples made for themselves that they said they’re happy about. We only know little details of what’s going on and yet we tend to put our personal bitterness on the issue that probably has nothing to do with them. I don’t see anything wrong about sharing your views but if it’s about some happiness of others you can probably say something about the situation without being such a hater and basically offending people around you. In this sense, I myself had a lot of debates about this kind of people and sometimes the only way I can get out of negativity is to not care about how they think. I don’t necessarily respect what they think but I will accept as a human being what will they say and if that’s what they believe in, good for them but I’d rather not put myself into a crowd like this. So i guess that’s what Evan did. He can’t helped them if they only think about they’re personal grudges in life. People need more understanding in this world to become a good human being not just for yourself but for people around you. If they’re happy and you totally cared about them, then in return you’ll be happy. But sometimes people can take advantage of this and so you need to be smarter than that. I guess that’s what couching helps us for.

  17. 17

    Well, at the risk of getting thrown off the blog, I have to say this sounds a bit like the phenomenon in the film “He’s just not that into you…” one of those urban myth type scenarios where someone’s cousin’s friend walked away from a guy who wasnb’t delivering what she felt she deserved then he comes crawling back (in the rain) clutching flowers and declaring undying love… I’m not saying it didn’t happen – I’m sure it did – but as the film points out, this is the EXCEPTION and not the rule. As such, this sort of story is unhelpful rather than helpful to the average dater. It is not BECAUSE this woman did x y or z that things worked out for her – quite simply, the Gods smiled on her. That’s great for her, but fosters unrealistic expectations in others, and causes those who don’t get their “happy ending” to end up feeling they did something wrong. I too was with a (younger) guy who said he wanted to have kids with me then changed his mind (even though he was the one who wanted kids!) as it “wasn’t the right time ” for him. I broke up with him as I felt that ultimately he would leave me when it WAS the right time – for someone still young enough to give him the kids he wanted. I walked away. He didn’t come back. No flowers in the rain for me. Not trying to rain on anyone’s parade….just sayin’.

    1. 17.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @Helene, if you’re not insulting me or people I know, you can say whatever you want here. But I still disagree with your point. What Michelle did was exactly what I taught her – and it was the difference between her getting married and remaining single. She didn’t pressure him. She didn’t give him false ultimatums. She spent a year and a half being the best girlfriend she could be and showed him what his life would be like if he stayed with her. When he waffled on kids, she walked. And after a week without her, he decided that he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life.

      The fact that your guy didn’t come back doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It just means it was the wrong guy. But by learning to understand men and be a great girlfriend, you significantly increase your odds of having a man WANT to commit to you. Which is why all the Rori Raye Circular Dating nonsense drives me up a wall. If you pressure him for a ring after 8 months, he’s not marrying you. If you start dating other men, he’s not marrying you. If you start freaking out about your biological clock, he’s not marrying you. Let him fall in love with you, give him a great girlfriend experience and let him choose you. And if he doesn’t, it’s his loss and it’s NOT YOUR FAULT.

      And @Ruby – you can ignore Zaq. Are men attracted to younger women? Sure. Duh. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t MILLIONS of women in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s finding love each year. Don’t fall into that all or nothing trap because some guy paints a picture of a black/white world where women can no longer be attractive after a certain age.

    2. 17.2

      Thank you Helene for sharing your pain.

      We all wish people happy endings. I think you, me and a lot of these other nay sayers are just not feeling too warm and fuzzy about this fairy tale. Nobody wishes them ill Im sure. But after seeing this happen over and over in their personal lives, they simply get weary and frustrated.

      Im glad you walked away. Im sure it was painful. My heart goes out to you and hope you find better love soon. You seem so sweet. You deserve better.

  18. 18

    Linda #19

    This is exactly why women get pissed off when they hear stories like Michelle’s, because they are too often told that women of a certain age are of “low value”. Most of EMK’s clients are older than the woman in the story, and these are the very women who struggle to find a good guy their own age. In Zaq’s view, the 33 year has even higher value because he assumes that she looks “more like 26.” Apparently, even 33 isn’t young enough.

    If Michelle is truly happy, that’s fine, but with the dating struggles and constant barrage of “over the hill” messages, I can understand why it doesn’t make many of us “low value” types feel so great.

  19. 19

    @ RUBY #23
    Thank you so much for your understanding!!! You GET IT!! :):):)

  20. 20

    I love reading this blog and have learned so much from Evan, especially his “Why He Disappeared” book. I was married for many many years before divorcing at 38. At that point I had two girls to raise and had to learn to date all over again…and it was often painful. Fast forward to now…I’m 47 years old and having the dating time of my life. I’m the successful businesswoman that Evan talks about. I can definitely be in charge, but love to let someone take care of me in a relationship. At this point, I’m in a relationship with a 50 year old, very successful, tall, dark, handsome, charming, generous man. It can happen. We’ve been together about 18 months. He tells me how lucky he is to have found me. He wants to make this permanent. I’m not sure what I’ll decide at this point; however, its MY choice. So Evan’s coaching (although just through the blog and the book) along with my dating experiences have made me successful. And I have had many options in my own age range. Take heart ladies…you are NOT low value. Never let anyone tell you different. We all just need to realize our own value and have confidence that the men in our lives will realize it too. And take (most of) Evan’s advice. 🙂

    1. 20.1

      Brenda,   I like you and your outlook!   I look forward to hearing andd learning more from your comments.

    2. 20.2


      thanks Brenda

      you said it so well.

      Evan is an amazing coach I’m sure.

      your blog has made me stop and take a look.

      ill be sure to read Evans book now and keep my mind open. The work he does is wonderful and Im definitely going to keep my mind and heart open for this.

      thanks again

    3. 20.3

      So great to hear a story like yours, Brenda. You have created your own value – as a person. No matter what age.

      At age 37 a go-getter with great career, looks, family, friends, everything – i am blessed. Cannot say the same for my love life. The men i have experienced are the alphas only,   who i have observed to describe as the less evolved. Selfish, immature children.. or dogs. I don’t like to regard myself as a dog trainer,   and I want my equal. A man with a heart, a spine, and a brain.

      I am inspired by your story. I hope he finds me and i find him.

      Cheers 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *