Do Women Trade On Their Looks To Get Men With Money?

Do Women Trade On Their Looks To Get Men With Money

Rich men, beautiful women. It’s sort of a cliche, right? Ugly old man, young blonde gold digger. The Millionaire Matchmaker. Men make money to get hot women. Women try to look hot to land men with money. What is there to argue with?

Evidently, quite a lot. A really interesting article by James Hamblin in the Atlantic goes deeper. Yes, “physical attractiveness is exquisitely, at times incomparably, important to both men and women. Status (however you want to measure it: income, formal education, etcetera) is often not far behind. In real-life dating studies, which get closer to genuine intentions, physical attractiveness and earning potential strongly predict romantic attraction…On these “consensually-ranked” traits, people seem to aspire to partners who rank more highly than themselves. They don’t want a match so much as a jackpot.”

Men make money to get hot women. Women try to look hot to land men with money.

But there’s a caveat, according to a study by Notre Dame professor, Elizabeth McClintock.

“Women spend a lot more time trying to look good than men do,” McClintock said. “That creates a lot of mess in this data. If you don’t take that into account then you actually see there’s a lot of these guys who are partnered with women who are better looking than them, which is just because, on average, women are better looking. Men are partnering ‘up’ in attractiveness. And men earn more than women–we’ve got that 70-percent wage gap–so women marry ‘up’ in income. You’ve got to take these things into account before concluding that women are trading beauty for money.”

It’s subtle but we’re talking about a controlled study here – and McClintock concludes that it’s a fallacy to suggest that dating is a straight-up trade of looks for money.  “Rather, hearteningly, people really are looking for … compatibility and companionship. Finding those things is driven by matching one’s strengths with a partner who’s similarly endowed, rather than trying to barter kindness for hotness, humor for conscientiousness, cultural savvy for handyman-ship, or graduate degrees for marketable skills.”

Most men don’t want to be sugar daddies, most women don’t want to be gold diggers, and, as a result, the vast majority of us are not.

The fact is, reports McClintock, women value men’s attractiveness just as much their wallets. And men value women’s kindness and personality just as much as their looks. To suggest otherwise diminishes what happens in genuine happy marriages, which are based on much more than a mercenary exchange for looks and money.

Most men don’t want to be sugar daddies, most women don’t want to be gold diggers, and, as a result, the vast majority of us are not.

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  1. 1
    Tracy L.

    When most women are referring to high status/sough-after men, they usually if not always mean very good-looking/handsome AND wealthy/rich/famous.

    Rich men minus good looks don’t have beautiful women lining up to sleep with them.  

    1. 1.1
      JD in LA

      George Soros, Rupert Murdoch, Huge Hefner, J. Howard Marshall ….. Need more?

      1. 1.1.1
        Tracy L.

        Okay.    However,  these men only seem to  attract beautiful gold-diggers not beautiful high quality women who actually find them sexually desirable  and love them.  

        Rather sad, in my opinion.

        1. Lee Jones

          What differentiates beautiful gold-diggers to “beautiful high quality women” (who are still gold diggers) if it’s the fact they find us attractive well we don’t give a fuck if they are or aren’t attracted.

          From a young age we loose that lust for love replace it with sex because we know how it works.

        2. Cheena

          I would have to disagree with you as you are generalizing and this article at large is an effort to dismantle or question at least that train of thought. My personal dating experience has consisted of   anything from poor artist types (I paid the rent, supported the band, etc.) to the ultra wealthy (penthouse, 6+cars James Bond status, high security needed). There are plenty of good women who undersrand money does not make the person yet respect their loved one’s ambitions and lifestyle. At times the high end living makes me uncomfortable but that is my issue and personal insecurity to deal with…not a sign of my partner being superficial in the least. I will share I was a model in my youth but my man cringes when he hears what I used to weigh…loves my now curves and by no means seems to be attracted to that “trophy wife” look. It is all about personalities and compatability…as I see it,   it may take an Alpha male that is assertive, successful and most likely wealthy to entertain a relationship with certain women. I will say that there are for sure opportunists and users as with any other relationship dynamic but to demonize beautiful women who are with wealthy men or portray the men as shallow is so very wrong.

    2. 1.2


      I would have to disagree.  I see unattractive but rich men all the time and  9.5 times out of 10, there wives are HOT (and most times, thin).  This also happens in the media constantly. You will rarely see it the other way around. No man is lining up for Whoopi Goldberg but  look at Donald Trump.


      1. 1.2.1
        Tracy L.

        In my comment, I stated that they are often with BEAUTIFUL gold diggers. I doubt those women get really excited at bedtime. However, I’m sure there is some young hot pool boy, limo driver or landscaper always around for them to actually get excited about.  

        1. marymary

          Or they look sexy without actually liking sex v much.  
          It’s such a vanishingly small percentage of men this rich, most of us will have to make do with less wealthy men who are younger and fitter. Oh well.

        2. Liam

          Go with pool boy then

          And when the rent is due and you have to pay it watch what happens next!


        3. Maria

          Yea, but even if you are dating a good looking guy   after awhile sex wears off. Money actually does turn some women on. I’m extremely attractive and well educated. I’ve been in love with good looking men who were actually poor. Those relationships didn’t last and if I was actually using my brain, I should have thought about money. Next time I’m making money my first priority. Love never worked for me.

      2. 1.2.2


        Completely agree with you. For men, being rich will get you tons of attention from all kinds of beautiful women. You could be old and ugly, but gorgeous women will still be lining up to date you.

        The vast majority of women are not gold diggers, but from my point of view, if a girl is a gold digger, I respect her if she is upfront and honest about this fact. If a girl wants to be a gold digger and an old, rich man wants some hot young thing on his arm and knows she is just in it for the money, well more power to them both.


      3. 1.2.3

        Stacy you’re wrong, Iv seen plenty of couples where the man is better looking. I know a man who looks like a mix of matt bomer and Henry Cavill 20/10 on the look’s scale and has a ripped body and guess what? He has an average looking wife who he loves to death (she’s a 7/10 on the scale) they have been together for 9 years now he’s super loyal to her that even a more attractive woman wouldn’t do it for him, he loves her and that’s all that matters.

    3. 1.3

      hhhhhhhh really ? 🙂

      and what the beautiful women who are not gold diggers want ?

      someone who is kind and has a cute smile ….etc ? 🙂

      well these type of men are all over the place and I’m sure that any beautiful woman had one like that in her life and ditched him for a wealthier and higher status man.

      I don’t want to convince you with my pov .you can fool yourself ,that is fine ,but you can’t fool others. 🙂

      1. 1.3.1

        Aww, how cute a “virtue-signaler” look for approval and praise from women rather than partaking in an actual substantive discussion.

        It’s obvious that wealth and power are what any woman who has any ambition at all wants. Men want sex, and women don’t mind being used for sex if the “guy is really hot.” At the end of the guy, guys mainly want sex and women are opportunistic and want to be with a wealthy-successful man. That’s how it will always be. You will not find many successful-famous women dating average Joes, in fact, probably none – women aim to date men who have more money than them – so they will not have to pay for anything.

      2. 1.3.2

        let’s face it, women are by and large shallow money-hungry sluts. I mean, are you telling me that meLAYnia trump actually feels sexually attracted to Donald?   she’s probably cheating on him with one of his fairly hot sons!   the only time you see pretty women with hot men is when she has more or as much money as him.

    4. 1.4

      It is always like that, If you are financially incapable, you will always end up being rejected by women. Status play a big role in all the relationships.

      All the women are like that. At least 95% prefer men with high income and good degree.

    5. 1.5

      Either YOU do not responnd to anythign else than looks, or women have changed considerably over the past 40 years…

      A 1972 poll of Playboy bunnies selected Kissinger as the man with whom Hef’s ladies would most like to go out on a date. He also had a string of celebrity girlfriends in his younger days, including Diane Sawyer, Candice Bergen, Jill St. John, Shirley Maclaine, and Liv Ullman, who called Kissinger, “the most interesting man I have ever met.”

      Given he’s now 90 or so), was NEVER good-looking, has by now a net worth of appr. $10M (which is really good, but not mind-boggling), what this means is thta SOME women, at least at some point in time, responded to charisma, power, deep Darth Vader voices and remarkable intelligence!

      Lower in comments, Paul Simon, Billy Joel and the like get nailed. Joel dated (and married) a woman with money. Anyone who can hold an audience of 300, or 20,000, for hours on end must have talent and charm, given the audience is not there for his wallet. Not negligible!

    6. 1.6

      Google Mnuchin & his new bride, Louise Linton. Look at their pix!

    7. 1.7
      Davey Lee

      what , , , Mmm yea ?

  2. 2

    This is what stood out for me: “The fact is, reports McClintock, women value men’s attractiveness just as much their wallets. And men value women’s kindness and personality just as much as their looks“.  

    1. 2.1
      Lee Jones

      Exactly yet were portrayed as the shallow gender… This may sound goofy but women have fooled us and are continuing to do so in genius ways.

      1. 2.1.1

        I have ZERO sympathy for rich ugly old men like (god so many), Paul Simon, Billy Joel, etc, who get screwed over and over because they use their money to entice women who would otherwise not give them the time of day. And it works in gay couples too. Elton John is a perfect eg, with gold-digging Mr Fake (who is ugly too but much younger) and Stephen Fry and his gold-digging rent boy who is young enough to be grandson almost. And these rich ugly guys are deluded enough to believe that their younger mates LOVE them…Suckers! I hope they all get screwed financially over and over. They deserve it and should be forced to realise that their money CANNOT buy love, it can only buy sex and pretended love.

        1. anne

          sometimes that’s enough, sex and pretended love

  3. 3

    <em>“Women spend a lot more time trying to look good than men do,” McClintock said. “That creates a lot of mess in this data. If you don’t take that into account then you actually see there’s a lot of these guys who are partnered with women who are better looking than them, which is just because, on average, women are better looking. </em>
    That’s total BS.   The truth is, yes women do try harder to look good, mostly by putting on make-up.   Just yesterday, I knocked on the door of a girl in my building.   I thought she was very cute.   I had something I had to talk to her about, so I knocked on her door.   She opened the door, no make-up.   I was like, “Sheesh, where did the cute girl go?”   Really,, it was like that.   Not only was she not just even average, she just wasn’t good looking at all.
    Women have learned how to use make-up so well that they can actually camouflage many things that are not flattering.     This has been going on for years, and a famous Roman was once quoted as saying that his wife’s face did not sleep with him at night, it slept in jars.

    1. 3.1

      So what do you suggest ?   That women NEVER wear make up as sort of “truth in packaging ?”   Or that we ALWAYS wear make up, so no one ever has to look at the “unflattering” things about us ?
      Should we also dispense with shaving our legs, washing our hair ( & covering our grays) and wearing deodorant ?     All those things camouflage unflattering textures and smells.

      1. 3.1.1

        Truth is women are ugly and smell, hence all the need for beauty treatments. And they have the morals of an alley cat.

        1. Katie

          Geez hush woman. I  NEED my foundation smoothie to hide my scales.

        2. Isaac S.

          LOL omg you just made my whole day . I laughed so hard when she said “they have the morals of an alley cat” I’ve been laughing for almost an hour now

        3. Davey Lee

          Really, that’s not true ! An attitude goes further than Makeup does!!!

      2. 3.1.2

        No, just the make up.

    2. 3.2

      Oops Garett, I actually saw your reply AFTER I made mine where I was asking for

      The truth of the matter is, whether an illusion or not, women tend to invest in being better looking and they invest in being in better shape overall because the way a woman  tends to predict what quality of man she can get and not the other way around.   Again, look in the media.   Unattractive men with money and their  wives are always hot!

      1. 3.2.1

        “the way a woman looks tend to predict…”

        1. S

          I invest a lot in my looks because it feels good to be feminine, fit, fashionable, and have energy and a good mood from healthy eating and exercise. Fashion and make-up are fun! Cute work out clothes are fun!

          Not everything a person does has to do with catching a mate.

          A woman’s character also has a lot to do with what attracts a man. There are plenty of wealthy families where the woman is involved in a lot of charity work, community, church and the children’s school.

          The extreme cases of celebrities don’t reflect the dynamic of most wealthy families. Most of the women I see in wealthy neighborhoods  and at nice restaurants are conservative, classy, pretty and not that far off in age from their husbands. I don’t see a lot of ugly men with young attractive wives in day to day  life.

          Maybe get out to Beverly Hills, Malibu or the Palisades for lunch sometime and broaden your view of the world.


      2. 3.2.2

        In the majority of couples I see, in my every day life and in celebrities, the women are more attractive than the men, regardless of income or status.

        1. Emily, the original

          What I find is that most couples are assortatively matched, meaning they are similar in terms of level of attractiveness, status and educational level. When you see them together and find out what each does for a living, they make sense.

    3. 3.3

      Well, this is one of those profound, consensus consciousness illusions that never fails to amaze me.
      I contend that if you actually LOOK at most Women when they’re  wearing makeup (rather than being caught in the psychological associations  that their makeup triggers)  . . . you find they aren’t really good looking  at all.
        It’s a massive illusion.
      The flip side of this kind of looking . . . is that you can  learn to see when a Woman really IS good looking, because a healthy, happy, and generous  personality invariably  manifests in physical appearance and movement.
      But you have to  get over the “good looking”  nonsense . . . to have any opportunity to see  that (if  in fact it’s there . . .).  
      This is advice for Men.   I’ll not venture what the consequences of these facts  . . . might be for Women.   But I’ll bet they’re not trivial.

  4. 4

    I value my boyfriend first and foremost because he is my best friend. There is no one who makes me smile/laugh/feel comforted more than him. He is incredibly kind and affectionate. It doesn’t hurt that I think he’s handsome as hell. I think we are pretty compatible and we both feel like we are dating up.

    1. 4.1

      This post made me smile !   🙂   This is the BEST type of relationship AFIC, one where BOTH partners feel like they’ve won the prize.   All this yammering about who’s the prize to be sought, who has more SMV, who has the upper hand, yadda, yadda, yadda.
      How about instead of each person insisting on “being the prize” we start regarding LOVE as the prize that a man and a woman as a TEAM, seek together ?   How about a win-win ?   How about instead of both people trying to gain the “upper hand” you have 2 little love birds walking hand in hand ?
      How about instead of debating which is more important, chemistry or comfort, let’s just admit that it takes BOTH !   If the chemistry isn’t there, (to any degree) no amount of kindness will make a difference.   If someone is mean and nasty, they could be Miss Universe or a Rock Star and it would make no difference.
      SE aka FJ

    2. 4.2

      🙂 well you can’t attract wealthier higher status men , so you settle up with the second best option. Believe me my dear , the second you find a rich higher status man you will ditch your bf like a bag of dirt.

      1. 4.2.1

        Agreed… Seen it happen 9 times out of 10 different back story ..different situation same result.. Women with the means of trading up typically will do so.. They will tell family/bf’s that the magic was lost or that you need space but in reality you subconsciously realized that trading up was a option and took it… Women typically do not make this type of calculation till after college when they realize love does not buy them happiness money does… From personal experience I went from earning 30k to now over 240k trust me its better and everyone knows it.

        1. Ashley

          Yes mate,   but you’re still working!

      2. 4.2.2

        Agreed indeed, but only if the new BF pays for getting rid of the old BF. The  beeeg  problem comes when old BF and new BF are buddies …! Then GF discovers, suddenly, that BF+BF is a formidable  team!   She is dead in the cold water! as BF 1+2 paddle off together into  her  sunset! The gynocracy doesn’t have the power it used to!

    3. 4.3

      Me too, Julia!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 I feel like I’ve got the best one in the world! And WE both feel like we’re dating up as well!

    4. 4.4


      I am so happy for you and your boyfriend. That is the perfect relationship, where both people are crazy about each other and feel they are dating up.


  5. 5

    Nowadays, not only do we older chix have to look good we also better have a certain degree of status, money, etc. A good many men also skate by on their looks. Yep, women want to be attracted to their partners; actually tis nearly impossible for a woman to be physical with someone she isn’t attracted to.
    There is zero relationship between looks, status, education , and kindness, functionality, etc which are attributes that, unlike looks, manifest themselves or dont, over time. Good looking folk can be kind, some unattractive folk are downright vicious. Folk with PhDs may be great with power tools whereas some uneducated folk can barely use a screwdriver. Julia put it well, folks should complement one another, it SHOULD feel as though both parties are “dating up”. If not, you don’t belong together, period.

  6. 6

    I have to admit that I do look for a guy who makes  a good living, mostly because it shows me that he has goals and is willing to put in hard work to achieve them. That  tells me that he is likely to continue to work hard providing for his family and that is a very attractive trait. I’m not so concerned with the actual dollar amount though. In fact, I shy away from guys who make too much money because I worry that their expectations might be too high. I have to admit that even at 33 and with my  considerable imperfections,  I still fit the stereotypical buxom blonde, hourglass figure “trophy” type that many older, moneyed guys seem to like. I hate the idea of being someone’s arm candy though, so on principle I usually stick to guys who make a more modest income.

    1. 6.1

      Thank you for being honest Jenn…The only disagreement I have is the “In fact, I shy away from guys who make too much money because I worry that their expectations might be too high.” I think what you should say is if they make too much I shy away  because I feel that they are out of my league. Don’t worry I am in the same boat super models looking for  hedge-fund  guys making 7 figures I don’t even bother with 🙂

      1. 6.1.1

        you could always just fuck them.

        a fuck is cheap and doesn’t cost a lot.

        a relation ship could cost you everything or at minimum as much as taking care of a puppy

    2. 6.2

      Wealthy doesn’t equal ambitious.   Some people who have always been scraping by know how to provide better than a man given an inheritance.
      Also, so, if a natural disaster comes and wipes out your hubby’s home, it’ll be goodbye for him.   And this is why I find women shallow.

    3. 6.3

      The questions is with how many guys who stick ??

    4. 6.4
      Davey Lee

      Honestly, I wouldn’t have any idea what to do or how to act if I had a Woman, that works and makes good money and Loves what she does in   life ! A Woman who makes more money than me, that would be awesome ! 1.It would be great for me because she would be independent , and have her own life to not have it all on my shoulders ! I would keep the House clean, plus dinner every night, a long with a bubble bath. I could focus on more things than worrying about what bills I have to pay !

  7. 7

    Why can’t people just be themselves and quit playing all these stupid games?   It isn’t sincere and it doesn’t last.   There’s nothing wrong in taking pride in your appearance, but to do it as a marketing ploy to attract certain status of men or women, what you put out is what you get back.  

  8. 8

    I hope Garret is reading this forum. NOW do you believe me when I say that women tend to outweigh men in the looks department?

    In any event, the  clearly unattractive rich man with the hot woman    knows  he would not be able to get her if he wasn’t rich.   However, he is getting what he wants and it’s a trade off, and he knows it – nothing deceptive about that.

    And of course women are attracted to men who have jobs, and if  those jobs make a higher income, then it is a selling point.  Women are naturally attracted to powerful men as well just as men are attracted to beautiful women naturally.   Nothing wrong with that.   However, there are many other qualities we also find attractive. I think you enter the gold digging arena when the gold  is  the  most important thing and damn his qualities.        However, I hardly feel sorry for men with  gold diggers because it  IS obvious when a woman is a gold digger but he decides to put up with it for the sake of beauty.

  9. 9

    According to

    “Women seeking a lifelong mate might do well to choose the guy a notch below them in the looks category. New research reveals couples in which the wife is better looking than her husband are more positive and supportive than other match-ups.
    The reason, researchers suspect, is that men place great value on beauty, whereas women are more interested in having a supportive husband.      ”

    Not sure if I can post the link here but I will be more than happy to.        

    1. 9.1

      According to me:

      A man should never get into a relationship with a woman who has a higher SMV (sexual market value) than his own. Even being “equal” is a risk. It’s better if the man has a slight edge on SMV, so long as he’s not the type of man to enjoy any female attention he gets too much. I’ve noticed lately that many divorcing couples is a case where her SMV suddenly improves (she diets exercises, new clothes… new friends) and he’s caught up in a wicked case of marital complacency. She’ll warn him a few times, probably not even hopeful he’ll comply, while planning her exit from the marriage, sometimes 18 or even 24 months in advance. Mine did, and sadly I saw the entire thing coming but I was too stressed out and exhausted to do anything about it. I even knew which guy she was going to leave me for.

      I did notice the changes in my wife long before things went south. Her SMV went up a full point, mine down a point or more. She was pushing 8 from her former 6.5-7 and I dropped from a 7.5 down below 6. Few men can retain “7” status with a gut unless they’re very handsome and well to do. The disparity became too great, and she had options, and she left.

      It’s that simple.

      Some say that going after women who are “beneath” (lower sexual market value) you has a predatory or exploitative aspect to it. I’m convinced this is wrong. I was much happier when I didn’t pursue my alleged equals. A woman who is “equal” to me has 1,000,000 other “me’s” she can compare me to. A woman who knows I can do better (while choosing not to) just might actually appreciate what I bring to the table rather than constantly pining for what her girlfriends have (aka, something newer, younger, slimer, shinier or richer).

      They say men are shallow. Don’t kid yourself. People are shallow. They just have different sex organs.

      If people can do better, they very often will. It takes a person in the relationship to realize the value in the person they have and not be looking down the road for the “bigger better deal” all the time.

      Sadly, far too many women these days are constantly on the lookout for the “bigger better deal”. The male ego will tell the man he IS the bigger better deal, but it’s not him is doing the judging. It’s her. And her girlfriends she drinks wine with too – often they have more pull than anyone wants to admit.

      Men who’s wives have many divorced and single women on their wine drinking teams should always have a divorce lawyer on speed dial.

      I call it the “bitter divorced wives club” and they’re always trying to recruit new members…

      1. 9.1.1
        hot wife

        obviously you never heard about this study

        couples where the wife was measurably more attractive were happier than the reverse.




      2. 9.1.2

        Insiduous sid:

        I think you are right in much of what you say, but I tried trading down because deep down, I knew I couldn’t do any better even at age 20-22 because I was viewed as ugly and someone to be bullied both verbally and physically be females at high school and also until I reached the age of 20. I was the red headed Asperger’s man who was seen as ugly, horrible, disgusting, vile, weirdo and someone to physically attack and run down into the ground (I was underdeveloped to the point where I had to go the gym for muscle building which I was bitter about for many years) and I was attacked verbally and mentally for the way I talked, sounded and moved (hence years later I need large consumptions of alcohol to get on a dancefloor to actually dance – something I deep down love doing but am far too damaged to do it sober – despite being told by quite a few people that I can dance quite well)… but besides, I tried to settle with someone for 2years, and was miserable, and she was doing everything she could to try and get kids out of me when I was at age 20-21 and id not even lived yet. and its true, she had far more offers than I could ever even had anyway and she was below average slightly lookswise when I was with her (that’s of no maliciousness towards her – for all I know, she may have gone up from 4.5 – 7 now, I don’t know but I’m below average in the eyes of almost everyone despite now having almost the body of a dancer due to years of gym weight training – size 29″ waistline, and decent body structure and composeur – 11stone at 5′ 8 1/2 – 5’9, which does prove that facial features come 1st much more before body shape and also skin type – red headed men from my experience are hated in the majority of cases – me being top of that list of being seen as vile and it isn’t my fault I look the way I do)….

        I am 38 now so its too late to make it as a dancer and I need alcohol to sing infront of people thanks to all the bullies ive encountered in my life, but its worth stating that men can become permanently damaged due to what they experience in life because of their looks and if theyre autistic, they wont meet anyone either because a man needs university degree communication skills to make it in life aswell as having great looks. I think ordinary looking men can gain some reasonable offers in his young finest years, but whether they last is more of a factor.


        very true about the ego also, at the end of the day, the man isn’t the one with the power, he is preselected by women instantly, and if the man doesn’t have looks, he has no chance. but men who are bullied by women growing up I’m guessing are so because theyre seen as that unbearably low on the food chain that they want him out of the gene pool but maybe my cynicalism is getting the better of me on that last aspect.


        I will say though – pursuing below your playing field will often end up with a partner feeling repulsed to be next to that person theyre with. as much as I hate to admit to it, I never wanted to go below 6.5 either despite the fact that I’m probably rock bottom myself. I tried to kid myself and be the best loyal person going. the person eventually went off with the managing director of her place though and claimed it was love. hmmm, he had top status in the company – definitely not love, she was 19 and he was about 39.

      3. 9.1.3

        That’s a very well thought response, and very honest. I agree with most of what you said.

        “If people can do better, they very often will.”

        And how women are influenced very much by their friends, to a large extent.

        I think your theory very well explains how my last longterm relationship came to an ended.

      4. 9.1.4

        I’m sure you don’t make 7 or 8 figures

  10. 10

    I dated a neuro-surgeon 16 years my senior; 6 in looks, 8 in chemistry, 7 compatibility. I broke up with him after 6 months due to his temper, control issues; narcissism in a nutshell. Lavish gifts, spontaneous trips and all that jazz were great. However, his true character undermine his social status and earning power.  

    I am now dating a man my age; 9 in looks, 9 chemistry, 10 compatibility.   Albeit, I make slightly more money than him, we treat each other as equal. He is a very nice man with an edge. And that is what I need.

    1. 10.1


      You have found the holy grail.   You are  a lucky girl!    

    2. 10.2

      As a Cardiac Surgeon, I can say for a fact, that a considerable majority of the men I work with in medical practice are the most honest, kind and respectful human beings on the planet.  I don’t have the best looks, however, due to the fact I am in the medical industry, I get contacted by women who are 9’s and 10’s on dating websites. In my opinion, I’d say money is as important (if not more) than looks and personality.

  11. 11

    on average, women are better looking.

    What does this even mean?   The only way I can see this make any sense is because women are more likely to use makeup.

    Men and women are good looking in different ways.   A man who’s a 5 and a woman who’s a 5 should be equally good looking.   The only way to raise the average is that women use makeup to hide some things or enhance others.   So a woman who’s a 5 temporarily becomes a 6.   That’s the only way “on average” that women can be better looking.

    1. 11.1
      Eder Rosa

      I agree. Both can be equally good-looking and physically attractive

    2. 11.2

      You’re talking about a “looks rating” when sexual market value (SMV) is more complex, and it’s different for men and women, and it’s also unique to each person in the mating arena. Some men place more emphasis on looks than others. Some women place more emphasis on social status than others. Everybody values things in their mates slightly differently. BUT (big but) there are generalizations.

      Man – gets a raise for a new more responsible job. Helps his SMV

      Man or woman – loses weight: SMV goes up.

      Woman – dresses bettter, gets more male attention: SMV goes up.

      Man: acts more confidently, gets more female attention: SMV goes up.

      SMV is about the entire package. “Looks rating” is just that. Although looks are a big factor, there are other factors which can make a “6” be an “8” to the right person.

      That’s my take on it anyways.


    3. 11.3

      Exactly Joe what doesn’t mean woman look better than man ??

    4. 11.4

      Women are more attractive normally because they are women. Makeup isn’t really needed with ethnic women because of our melanin.

  12. 12

    Like the woman said, if most women are unattractive without make-up. how come they still go after attractive men, while they could be honest with themselves and just date the average guy and be a lot happier.  

  13. 13

    The fact is, reports McClintock, women value men’s attractiveness just as much their wallets. And men value women’s kindness and personality just as much as their looks“.
    so that study show its actually men who place more importance on the human being, e.g. kindness and personality while women are only interested in money and status.

  14. 14

    It is fact that most women nowadays want a man with money.

    1. 14.1

      You don’t have to make more or even as much as I do. But I’m not going to subsidize you either. I have no problem picking up the tab sometimes or going on inexpensive dates. But if you’re looking to me to provide a living for you, sorry, can’t help you. I don’t need you to support me either.

    2. 14.2

      Being a woman who is climbing the ladder, yes it is nice to go out with a guy who makes more money. This definitely is not always the case, but most men who make more money than I do, and even what I intend to make, tend to be more secure with the fact that I’m going for a Masters degree. Yes, my professional accomplishments are proving to be an issue with some man, even when I don’t talk about them. Furthermore, I enjoy cuisine and a culture that requires a higher income level to truly enjoy. I’ve noticed that guys who make $40,000 per year or less tend to prefer dates where I would have to wear blue jeans, which is fine, but I love to rock a sexy dress (not slutty, but classically sexy) and the blue collar guys don’t seem to know what to do with that. What I’m saying is that cultural lines really are drawn along income brackets in my area, and it just so happens that the men I can be myself around are the guys who make more money. That’s just how it is. Would I rule a guy out for only making $40,000? Not if he treated me right and was adaptable. Would I choose a guy for exceeding 100k? Not if he didn’t treat me right and I wasn’t attracted to him.

      1. 14.2.1

        Everything is relative! 🙂

        I was offered a $100K+/year (the + was  not negligible sizable chunk)  job in NYC. After considering NY, and the NYC surcharge, income tax, and rent / utilities / pricing levels, I declined. So the prevailing economic conditions are a consideration. In San Francisco and Silicon Valley, $50K a year almost makes you homeless. Rents of $3K or $4K a month are prevalent.

        “Blue collar guys” can often make $80K to (even over) $100K a year. Although such jobs are becoming scarce, a tradesman (as opposed to assembly line worker) in automotive makes a substantial salary. The assembly-line person is certainly not the poorest in the land.

        Love jeans. Love a woman in a dress. A pub will let you in if you wear a dress.   At some point, there is a cost-benefit game going on! Would you rather go out 3-4 times, or only once, for the same price? An anniversary in a pub? No! So a special occasion is just that > special.

      2. 14.2.2
        Davey Lee

        nice , honestly I could make more than 40,000 probably more like 80,000 to a 100,000 a year just from working one Job and not investing, But I have found that the more Money you make the more you Spend ! I know what you mean about the Dress, I have always wanted that , instead of me have in to take my Date shopping, for them to already, went and picked out a badass dress, plus Hair yea for me that would be a dream come true!!!

  15. 15

    There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting a guy with a career who is successful just like there is nothing wrong with a man wanting an attractive woman. But men who date women only for their looks are disappointed in the long run and the same with women who date men primarily for their money.

    I live in LA and beautiful women come here from all over the world. Sadly far too many of them have the SAME plan. They think, I’m so beautiful, I’ll marry a rich guy. Sadly for them, this almost never ends well. Their are only a handful of guys that are rich and those that are both handsome and rich are a small minority indeed. And both types have TONS and TONS of attractive women chasing them. Rich men in LA and New York can have any number of beautiful women.

    See ladies, what you don’t understand, is if you are relying on your looks to snag a guy, you are overplaying your hand if you have nothing else to offer. Rich guys can get any number of hot women. The question you have to ask yourself, is what do I have to offer besides my looks because a rich guy can get any number of girls as hot or hotter than you any day of the week. In fact, some rich guys have harems, where they rotate five or ten hot women and sleep with them whenever they want to.

    1. 15.1

      I agree with you Adam. Anyway looks fade, we all get older. Money come also come and go. Financial crisis, bad investments, etc. So do gold diggers break up with men when their wealth is gone or do men break up with women when her looks fade?

      I still believe we are all looking for happiness at the end of the day and you can only attain this happiness if there is something enduring about your other half that not just make you want to brave the storm but add emotional value to your life in the long run.

      That person that loves your character, essentially you, that person who thinks you are good looking without make up and that person who will be there for you when you lose your wealth. You are better as a team than when you are apart, you motivate each other to be better people, inspire each other to the best you can be.

      An emotionally intelligent man, not to be confused with a wealthy one knows this. He is playing the field until he meets a sincere woman to call his wife. Similarly, an emotionally intelligent woman knows looks good will increase her chances of meeting more men but is actually looking out for the person who will be supportive and sincere in the long run.

      There isn’t much point going against social construct but you can choose to navigate intelligently and have a better chance at mutual happiness.

      1. 15.1.1

        For centuries man and woman married and had children without knowing if they’d survive into the next year materialistically.   Even after WW2 all kinds of couples married without the female waiting until he attained wealth.   They’d have child, which had the father try harder to provide and in which case he almost always did BUT the key difference then compared to now is, men did not have to compete with women for Jobs, thus lose his natural role of nature and lose his identity.   Young men today are no different.   They resist marriage or having a child because thye face women who are brash, aggressive, loud, domineering, and only the men who pretend to be okay with this survive while behind their back as they do not love or even like these women.   Since they don’t tell women this women don’t know

        1. ed

          good point

          men seem to be needed less now by women, at least I feel it.Of course centuries ago women were probably treated poorly also. Somewhere in the middle is probably best–women needingmen andmen respecting women

        2. Dana

          Interesting take. Men only really started competing with women in the work force when they no longer wanted to work hard to   provide for their offspring and wives. Women weren’t really dying to go out there and work but they were left with no choice.

          Before technology a man could just wake up one morning and decide to leave his family behind after claiming to go out for a pack of cigarettes. A few train stops later and he was off living his new life with a new woman.

          Today a man can wake up and say he’s 8 year old girl trapped in a woman’s body and leave his wife and 7 children. Yeah that’s our new society.


          She was left having to scrabble to figure out a way to provide for herself and her children since the breadwinner took his bread with him.

          It wasn’t just that but it wasn’t all that uncommon for a husband to smack his wife around when he had a hard day at work or had a few too many drinks.

          The one thing I also find odd in society is how the visual attractiveness of women has gone down.

          Since education and economic stability is being attained by women now through their own working capabilities they aren’t so concerned with keeping in shape. I also read that the stats for women cheating now went from 30% up to 50% as women move into a economic independence.

          Even now birthrates are low world wide and this has to do with the fact that many women feel having children is far too much a burden when the job landscape can change on a dime. If you’re worried about supporting yourself having a child could take you out of the job market to the point of being replaced.

          So many variable in today’s world.

          Personally I only date up as I don’t have interest in any man in our society that’s doing less than I am. It’s not shallow to go on basic survival instincts. The reality is that many men no matter what they don’t have or look like for that matter tend to approach any woman they find attractive without accessing if they’re coupling will be of benefit to the woman in question.

          Realistically people are selfish in that regard which is why complaints of the “friend-zone” or “sex zone” come up as men that feel a woman should date them even if they aren’t their match still desire what they desire. It’s the same with women that a man sleep with but doesn’t want to date or have a relationship.


      2. 15.1.2

        Exactly Christina,

        One of my very dear friends is now in her 70s and is a grandmother. When she first got married, over 40 years ago, she was the stereotypical super hot bombshell 10 that basically caused car crashes wherever she went.   Her husband ran a successful real estate construction business. Anyway, they met, got to know each other and fell deeply in love with each other. Not him being in love with her hot body. Not her being in love with his bank account. Actual love, the love a man has for a woman and woman for a man. He is now in his late 80s but they are still in love with each other. While she is still a lovely and smart woman, she is obviously not a 20 or 30 something woman. He is obviously not some 40 something man. He is mostly retired now. Time passes. But because they genuinely love each other, it doesn’t matter.

  16. 16

    Is this even a question? Of course they do. All people of BOTH genders will always play to their strengths in the mating arena. If you call *her* behavior superficial or shallow, then his will be too, and vise versa.

    Sure, you can make generalizations: men place a higher value on physical appearance and youth and women place a higher value on certain personality traits and “resources”. Sure there are exceptions, and yes many more women have good careers and financial dependence is hardly a factor, if at all. YET there is still a trend where women, regardless of their income, marry up. There is also a trend where young men who have opted out of the “career and self betterment and initiative” thing are wondering why they can’t meet women, despite living in their mother’s basements, wearing the same housecoat all week and getting accomplishments like “most consecutive hours playing their favorite video game”.

    Mother nature does not care whether we humans believe mating selection and criterion are looked upon favorably. The simple fact is that *she* wants the best human males to mate with the best human females. Appearance is linked to genetics, health, wealth and other factors. Wealthy people don’t often have bad teeth. If they have a bad diet, it’s because of bad choices and not poverty. If they are overweight it’s for lack of drive and not lack of time.

    Being honest, it’s nice when successful, attractive, thin, toned, people with wonderful personalities and few if any flaws meet and fall in love. This is the stuff Disney cartoons are made of – the entire “Princess Series” my daughter loves. True love’s first kiss. Perfect princess. Perfect prince. Perfect marriage. Perfect life.

    Then there is the rest of us.

    I don’t like all of the “rules” of the mating arena, but I too, like everyone else, prefer attractive people over less attractive ones, and prefer people with a healthy weight over people who are too heavy or downright or obese. Am I wrong to have such “standards”? Is a person with higher standards than mine a “shallow” person?

    I say find what makes you happy and don’t worry about what other people use for judging their would-be partners. If you think someone is too choosy, then fine – don’t date them. But don’t demand they change either – who’s to say YOUR criterion is fair or just?

    Rant over.

    1. 16.1
      Jabba the Hutt

      “I say find what makes you happy and don’t worry about what other people use for judging their would-be partners. If you think someone is too choosy, then fine — don’t date them. But don’t demand they change either — who’s to say YOUR criterion is fair or just?”

      -This deserves a BUMP

  17. 17

    I just had a 73 year old man contact me (I’m mid 50s) and he said he realizes he’s not in my age range but he expects his wealth to make up for it. It didn’t. He looked too frail.

    Its seems both sexes can leverage their looks for money . There seems to be a growing number of hot looking boy toys who target women my age. They do seem to be looking for sugar mommas. Since women’s earning power and education is higher than ever I expect we will see more of this trend.

    1. 17.1

      I  target  women  like  you  for sex not  money  and  it’s  because I  find a  lot  of  you  attractive,  but I know  it  isn’t  food  for a  long  term  relationship.

    2. 17.2

      I expect you will see more of it. Which means, if you’re a 50+ woman with a lot of money and a modest degree of attractiveness, you can probably buy yourself a steady stream of short-term boy toys. Congratulations; you have now arrived at the some position as the well-to-do older man with his string of short-term, arm-candy hotties. Odd, how so many women that age bash men for doing that, but as you just showed us, would do the equivalent themselves, given the opportunity. Do go ahead; chances are good you’ll meet with exactly the same advantages and disadvantages as a man doing the same. Oh and ladies, I do hate to break it to you, but about that little revenge fantasy you have about the trophy wife doing the pool boy at every opportunity? You’ve been watching too many movies and reading too many bad romance novels, and contrary to your cherished little myth, some older guys are more than capable of keeping a trophy wife (or any other woman) quite well-satisfied in bed. About 25% of men never develop ED, and believe it or not, some women married to men 20 years older actually love the guy. Sometimes, it’s all about the money…and sometimes, it’s not. Sorry to interrupt your little fantasy; go back to your bodice-ripper…

      1. 17.2.1

        Hi Buck – You said to Kathleen ” Odd, how so many women that age bash men for doing that, but as you just showed us, would do the equivalent themselves, given the opportunity.”

        I didn’t see anything in her post that she would go for young hot guys, she just pointed out that young hot guys are targeting middle aged women.   Where did she say she would do the equivalent ?

        Personally, when I was in OLD (thankfully I’m coupled up now ) I wasn’t the least bit flattered when a young man, around the age of my son would hit on me,online.   In fact, it kind of creeped me out.   I always got the impression that they were just following a trend, or had some sort of weird sexual bucket list.   One young man (15 year my Jr) wrote to me for a while in OLD.   I did correspond with him a bit (I personally try and keep it within 10 years of my age), but when he told me he liked “older women” because they were “less drama” and “better in bed”, I ceased our correspondence.

        I don’t fault other people for their preferences (I personally don’t care if someone else likes to date someone 30 years their senior or junior), but it’s just not really my thing.   To each his own.

    3. 17.3

      Kathleen you are 100% right.   The role change created by feminism has come full circle so we are in deep DEEP trouble. Nature has taken a shit kicking beyond all hope.   IF you are old enough to remember even the 70s, you already realize this.   Money has become for women more than men who use it as a means to an end but females, it is a Career, an aphrodisiac, a means to be Independent not just from men but their children too (ie. Day Care?!)   What would your ancestral LADIES and WIVES think of DayCare?   I rest my case except to say that men never wanted women to compete with us for Jobs hence lose our purpose to look after family, thus lose our identity.

      1. 17.3.1

        John .. You have completely misconstrued what I said with your “men are victims because women can now earn more money” attitude. Money isn’t an aphrodisiac for men????? good god are you clueless? Feminism is about equal rights for women so I love how you use that in a derogatory way as if women doing better makes men less. Remember the 70s?… I remember the 60s when mother couldn’t get a job other than a low paid nurse or secretary. If women being better off know make you less of a man maybe you weren’t much of one to begin with.


        1. John

          There is no sense in carrying on with you Kathleen since you would not accept real Truths based on the natural order.   It is ALL about what YOU experienced with your mother however, you are not alone by a long shot…most of your gender and I have conversed with hundreds of thousands of all socio-economic groups, they PERSONALIZE discussions of this nature just like looking at a forest and picking one tree out (hey that’s the me > SHE).   Now THAT is playing the victim.   This is why if and when I need to converse with someone to arrive at a logical consensus, usually a male is far less self-centred looking at the FOREST.

      2. 17.3.2

        so it is natural when a man buys himself a woman, but it is unnatural, or maybe deviant when a woman buys herself a man?

        because it goes against the tradition? there were instances in the past when a poor man married into a rich aristocratic family, he only needed to change his surname

        hmm, yes, competing for jobs is the problem,

        long long time ago there were slaves, but they were probably guilty of taking jobs from the non slaves

  18. 18

    Most women these days want a man with money since they Can’t like a man for himself anymore like the old days, and most women are very selfish and spoiled too now.

  19. 19

    Just  an  observation. I’ve never seen a beautiful woman with with a low earning  for even a middle class man. It seems  like  the  better  looking  women  are,  the  more their husbands make. If you go  to  the  ghetto,  you  see  mostly  overweight  and  unattractive women.  Move  up a  notch  and  it’s  not  as  bad.  Middle  class, a  lot  of  women  look  decent.  Go  to a  high  end  area  or  walk  into a  fancy  hotel  and  there  are  hot  women  everywhere.  Then  come  the  celebs  and  pro  athletes  and  they  have  the  most  objectively  attractive  women.

  20. 20

    Today many women are very Devious and want the best and won’t settle for less. Just too many very high maintenance women now that are also very independent, very selfish, very spoiled, and very greedy, which speaks for itself.

    1. 20.1

      The only reason they are this way is because of their own Income plus Child Support but moreover, Government has replaced husband and father.

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