Can I Find Love If I’m Depressed?

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Evan, I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I like your dating advice because it’s been quantitative and specific (rather than vague and unclear like most others’). However there is one issue I’ve never seen addressed on this site (or any other for that matter).

Suppose you had treatment-resistant depression (or any chronic mental illness), assuming that you had been going the medication-and-therapy route for years to no avail, and that you were doing all you could to help yourself in your condition, but that you were just not able to function on the same level as a healthy person (i.e., too unstable to keep a job, on social assistance, disability status, etc.). Assume also that you had had this condition your entire adult life and did not expect to get better any time soon–unless there was a significant breakthrough in the field of antidepressants or therapy techniques. How would you go about dating or finding love?

How would you find a partner who would accept that you were not healthy and could not have a job or “contribute” to society, but could still love you for you? Or if your condition did not improve and you stayed that way your whole life, would you be expected to live a celibate/companion-less life? Are there any particular pitfalls in dating that depressed people are more susceptible to than healthy people?

You may wonder why I am not asking a therapist about this…This is because every therapist I’ve ever seen does not take my desire to date or find a partner seriously. Every time I raise this issue in the therapist’s office, it gets dismissed. I’ve never seen this issue addressed in a way that’s been helpful to me. The only response I’ve ever gotten was the clichéd “You need to be healthy to start a relationship. Work on yourself first.”

Essentially, I’m asking you “How does a depressed person find love in a society that believes that depressed people are not deserving of love?” Are depressed people deserving of love? Yes? No? Yes and no? I’m really interested in getting your opinion on this whole complex issue.

—Kristi

Dear Kristi,

I feel for you.

And not in some sort of vague, quasi-sympathetic way either. I had trouble with anxiety in my early 20’s and depression in my late 20’s, so I know what it’s like to attempt to function with that black cloud hanging over your head at all times.

My issue was largely situational — subconscious freak-outs about graduating college in 1994 and the shattered dreams of failing to become a Hollywood screenwriter in 2001. Once I got past the initial trauma and found my footing, the turbulence passed and I’ve been lucky enough to have smooth sailing ever since.

But I’ve never forgotten what it was like to have that demon inside me and not be able to conquer it. I remember watching “A Beautiful Mind” and the feeling of frustration at not being able to think my way out of my own depression. It’s too big. Too overwhelming. Too irrational. You can appreciate all the reasons you have to live and all the blessings in your life but still not feel good about it.

I wouldn’t wish depression on my worst enemy.

This is just my long way of validating where you’re coming from: I wouldn’t wish depression on my worst enemy.

At the same time, I wouldn’t recommend that anyone marry someone who is depressed.

This is not to say that depressed people are not as “deserving” of love as anyone else in the world. But love isn’t based on being “deserving”. Dating isn’t a meritocracy. And frankly, I don’t think anyone “deserves” love just like I don’t think everyone “deserves” to be a millionaire.

If I am to be objective, Kristi, we have to look at romance much in the way that we look at work. There are only so many amazing jobs out there and everyone is forced to make tradeoffs. Some will work for a ton of money doing something that they don’t like. Some will work at something that makes no money because they love it. Some will work in an office even though they hate commuting and being around people. Some will work from home, even though they are extroverts.

And, for whatever it’s worth, there are some people who, through no fault of their own, are unfortunate. They live in a town where all the factories have been shut down. They grew up in a broken family with no positive role models. They got caught up in their own rebellion and never went to college. They had kids too young and couldn’t give as much to their careers.

All of these people might be kind, deserving people, but they’re not going to end up with the dream job simply because they’re kind and as worthy of an amazing career as the next guy. If the next guy went to an Ivy League school, had his still-married parents pay for his grad school, and chose a career path that allowed him to capitalize on the tech boom, that guy is going to have a better job 99% of the time.

Frankly, I don’t think anyone “deserves” love just like I don’t think everyone “deserves” to be a millionaire.

And so it goes in love. Your curse is depression. Some have been cursed by being overweight. Some men are too short. Some are blind or deaf or paraplegic. Are all these people “deserving” of love? In terms of fairness, yes. In terms of reality, no.

It’s perfectly fair for you to not want to date a man who can’t walk if you can find a man who can walk. It’s perfectly fair for you to not want to date a man who is in financial disarray when you can find a man who is a stable homeowner. And it’s perfectly fair for a man to choose a partner who is not depressed over a partner who is depressed.

We can go on and on about how unfair life is, but, hey, I didn’t write the rules. Life is unfair.

And as someone who really tried the patience of some well-meaning people when I was depressed and anxious, I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to get too emotionally invested in me.

I was a cesspool of negativity, scattered thinking and helplessness. I was a shadow of my former and future self. I didn’t even like to be around myself — why would any woman enjoy being around me? Especially when she can choose to keep the company of another guy who wasn’t crying spontaneously every morning.

I’ve seen relationships torn apart by depression, generally where one partner tries to overlook the other partners’ significant issues. But those issues always come back to haunt the couple, the same way you’re still haunted by your own chronic mental health. If you can’t escape it, he can’t either. And that’s not a life that most people are going to voluntarily sign up for.

The best metaphor, I think, would be having an autistic child. I have a friend who has one and it’s incredibly emotionally draining on him. And while he’d never say he “regrets” having his son, I think if he were given a choice of autistic vs. not-autistic, he’d choose the latter. It would be hard to blame him.

So while I’m extremely sorry for the loneliness you feel, your therapists are ultimately right. Until you can get happy yourself, it would be very hard to contribute to a partner’s happiness.

It’s not that it’s impossible to find love when you’re depressed — I know of a handful of stories — and those relationships are no picnic – but objectively, there’s only a small percentage of men who are such selfless caretakers that they would choose a depressed partner over someone who doesn’t have serious mental health issues.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck and hope that you get the help you need to one day have the relationship you desire.

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Comments:

  1. 81
    E

    all I have to say is that you must take into account quality of life.   Doesn’t everyone want a partner in life? Life without a partner lowers some people’s quality of life and can worsen the depression if you think that this is unattainable. Ethics class…Dax’s case.   And I agree with above, love is love, yes it may be harder but everyone has their own struggles, it just might not be mental.

  2. 82
    Depressed in Denver

    For someone who looks   “ivy league” smart just conveys that “looks are deceiving.”   Obviously you did not learn anything about depression by your own experience.   Did you feel you did not deserve friends or a loving companion because you were under the cloud/deppression?   Do you not think that because we are depressives we do not have anything to offer a relationship?   If you  google “famous depressives” you will   be surprised to find that the list is endless of some of the most famous  actors/artist/musicians/politicians/writers, etc. that are/were depressives.   Depressives have genes for creativity as well.   They too go on to make a full life with a loving  and understanding companion.
      Maybe this is a gene you are missing and this is why someone as ignorant as yourself did not make the “Hollywood” dream and connections.   I think this may be the only way for you to feel so special about yourself and make money at the same time.  

  3. 83
    ScottH

    Dr Robert Glover says in his book, No More Mr Nice Guy, that a a relationship with one unhealthy person really has two unhealthy people because a healthy person wouldn’t be in a relationship with an unhealthy person.   Makes sense to me unless one of the healthy people develops a condition after a while.   Know what a healthy relationship looks like and don’t settle for less.  

  4. 84
    Anna

    I agree with Evan’s advice completely.   As someone who was depressed and suicidal for years (and eventually overcame it), and also as someone who was a magnet for depressed people, it’s all very well to say ‘depressed people deserve love too!’, without considering who they deserve love from.   Every time someone makes a claim like that, they seem to forget that it’s not just about them, and that there’s another person involved.   I was guilted into unwanted relationships with depressed men, and they were absolutely awful.   I was not allowed to have any needs of my own because I had to be completely available to meet their needs.   I could never hold them accountable for anything or expect even the most reasonable behavior from them, without being made to feel like a bad person.   I’ve heard so many people talk about how those with serious issues deserve a chance, yet I have never once known any of these people to put their money where their mouth is and offer themselves up as a partner.   They’re happy to lecture other people about dating those with significant problems, but they certainly aren’t going to put themselves into that situation.   I’m not arguing about whether people deserve love or not, but to consider what they’re asking of another person.   It’s impossible for a healthy person to be with someone with depression, without their own mental health becoming effected, and it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship if one of the partners is unhealthy.   Yes it sucks, and it’s unfair, but expecting another person to give up their chance for a healthy relationship is a pretty big ask.   I know this post was written a while ago now, so I hope the LW found someone who can help her since then, and that she’s feeling stronger and happier.

  5. 85
    Cass

    Whatever. “True love” doesn’t even exist and from all I’ve experienced/seen, relationships are a waste of time, money, and especially emotional/physical energy. Not to mention, you can’t actually rely on or trust anyone. Yes, I’ve got MDD so I’m empty most of the time anyway, but I’m not going to be in my early 20’s forever so I’d rather stay single and just fool around with different guys without the b.s. of relationships. Works fine for me.  

  6. 86
    Falcon D. Stormvoice

    Your view of love is depressingly transactional. According to this, everyone should break up when they get old together and don’t find eachother attractive anymore.

  7. 87
    Ze'ev Ben-Yechiel

    Much of depression is a vicious cycle, and many people are depressed simply because they are getting on in years and still have not found their marriage partner. The Jewish writings teach that a person is not whole by themselves, and since the dawn of history the idea that a person needs to be able to function well out in the world on their own was neither a requirements nor a nor a healthy situation. For thousands of years people lived with their parents and siblings until they developed the confidence to get married and start their own home. But the “single” stage in life was never a normative part of a life cycle in any culture that I am aware of, and in most cases it is not conductive to the support and stability and peace of mind that comes with it, all of which are necessary ingredients to getting married. The idea is to find someone who can accept you for you who are, with whom you can help overcome each other’s struggles in a gentle and loving way. Modernity, as usual, has inverted our minds about the most basic things in life, and we would be better off seeking the grandmotherly advice of our traditions than this post-modern concept of “independence”.

    I would choose a depressed partner if it was a good fit and I saw that I could live my own life while enhancing hers. Imho the reductionist the approach to psychology/psychiatry ignores the individuality of a person and why they are unhappy. The Jewish writings often speak of depression as a person’s soul crying out, and if we look at it this way I think we can approach depression from a much more optimistically faith-based approach.

  8. 88
    Paul

    Hello All, and WOW, to be reading something that exactly mirrored my own situtaion! I Too find myself caught like the lady author of the originating question… I do believe that a partner can help those who are depressed, especially with the sympton types discussed!   I think the love of someone, the caring nature of someone, will help with the depressed person(s).   I’m also having the same problems in starting to even think of a relationship terrofies me, i see things so negatively, and what really concerns me as im also right at the start fighting a battle within thats so negative, that prevents anything from developing, so I’m alione, i feel abandoned, rejected, and extreemly miserable, and yet I have so much warmth love happiness to give the right person, I feel so lost!
      

  9. 89
    Bill

    I am one of the luckier people that, after 35 years of battling, finally found something that works. It’s still no picnic but it’s manageable. While generally speaking much of what was said in this article is valid for the majority of people, it is not necessarily true for a smaller group of people. Certainly working toward your own idea of happiness is a worthwhile endeavor, but you definitely don’t need to be “happy” to find someone to love and who loves you. Love is much deeper than the transient nature of being happy. A great many people were not “happy” when they started their relationships. Some failed, some didn’t. Some people are individually happy yet their relationships end. There’s just no telling where things will lead.  
    I don’t know you or who you are. I don’t know your own personal straight jacket or how or if you can get out of it. However, there is a website called No Longer Lonely that is specifically for those with mental illness. Perhaps that’s worth a shot. It may greatly increase your chances. Do not take too seriously someone catering to a main stream audience that says he, “wouldn’t recommend that anyone marry someone who is depressed.” I believe he is speaking to those people that have a so called “normal” life, that is, those not having a mental illness. While it is typically true that the majority of people would not be a good fit for those with a mental illness, it does not mean that there is not someone for you. I believe the depression rate in the U.S is 4%-4.5%. That’s about 12 million people in the U.S that you could potentially relate to and is more people than the entire population of Chicago and New York City combined. That’s 12 million people you can instantly relate to. I wish you the best.

  10. 90
    Vincenzo

    I think that this is one of best pieces I ever read on the topic. Still, I would add a couple of things I disagree with.

    The first, and simpler, is that what you wrote is true for men too. I started suffering depression during my puberty. Now I’m 46, and depression made me a 46 years old virgin. I attempted, for a while, and every then and now I still attempt to date and find love. The pain that follows these failures (because I only have a history of failures) didn’t simply eroded confidence – until it hovered around zero – but is now cause of sheer, crippling fear. The last time I felt a real interest for a girl was in 2009. I’ll never forget, among other things, the evening I tried to express my sentiments for her only to be interrupted because “it was late and she had to go to bed because the day after she had to get up earlier”. I folded, then, after a few days, I started to wonder why I’m living at all. I wasn’t thinking about killing myself; I simply had the desire to disappear – end of the story. Then depression hit, and I was bedridden for nine months. Since then I stopped dating, and even my sex drive basically went away. I ended up desiring a thing I don’t feel the need for anymore. One day I was I a local when I noticed a very nice, beautiful girl. I ran out of the place, hit by a panic attack, and was it.

    Yet, your piece (and, sadly, the population at large, often seriously underestimate the spiritual strength that someone who admits and battles his depression develops over the years. Empathy, deep understanding, the ability to get rid of sentimentalism (not sentiments) in a crisis situation, and look at your partner as someone in dire need of help. And I’m not saying that a depressed should marry a depressed: everyone of us passes difficult and painful periods. During my life I helped female friends (also male, but let’s stay on the point) hit by cancer, painful work experiences, and, yes, even depression. I didn’t do this hoping for “something in exchange”. To me it was natural to see the problem, and refer to the vast basin of experience built over the years thanks to my therapist, my attempts at self-understanding, and my battles against depressive episodes.

    All of this to say that “the depressed guy you discarded in favor of the ‘normal one'” could very well have revealed the hardest rock to lean on when things, for you, went south and painful.

    Not that the (even fewer) women I dated ever realized this.

    Fair winds and following seas,

    Vincenzo (Italy)

  11. 91
    Tim

    I’m a man. I’ve been depressed since I was 15. I’m now 35. If I told you why you would understand but there are alot of factors. For the past 20 years I’ve been utterly alone. I have many problems but I believe if I had one woman to love I would gradually get better. Having one woman is all I want. I know it I feel it. Obviously dating sites don’t work for me. I feel so much and so many pains every fricken day. I don’t enjoy doing any “normal” things. So I’ve pretended that I did, just to get by. It just lead me to more pain. My head hurts all the time I’m so lonely it makes me want to kill myself. Just so you know I’ve never been with a woman, in anyway shape or form. To me it’s like not having water or food. Literally! Literally because it’s killing me. It’s just taking longer. When I hear women saying the same types of things it kills me. Why can’t we love eachother?

    1. 91.1
      Brenda

      I can relate so much to your comment, Tim. I really hope things get better for you, and that you find love.

  12. 92
    Been there done that

    I was in a relationship with a really great guy for 1.5 years. He had untreated depression and suddenly broke up with me. Never heard from him after that. This behavior is very common among depressed people. If you are going to date someone with depression, you will likely face this situation.

    The new relationship is like an elixir for the depressed person but sooner or later they get into an episode and will abandon you. There is a message board (Depression Fallout Message Board) where you can find plenty of stories like this.

    It is possible to find love when you are depressed, but do the world a favor and DO NOT get into a relationship if you aren’t taking care of your illness by regular psychiatric evaluations and therapist visits.

  13. 93
    Djorra

    What terrible, cynical, and utterly wrong advice. No, everyone DOES deserve love, no matter their illnesses or handicaps.

    1. 93.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Apart from the fact that you don’t like what I said, what part of what I wrote was factually incorrect?

  14. 94
    Brenda

    I politely and respectfully disagree with Evan.

    This posting was not helpful, and I think it just fuels the hopelessness that is so unfortunately characteristic of depression (especially treatment-resistant depression).

    People with disabilities face all kinds of hardship, discrimination, and stigma. Essentially telling them that they are – for the most part – shut off from the possibility of love just serves to perpetuate negative stereotypes and further marginalize them.
    Sorry, but this post really brings out the advocate for persons with disabilities in me.

    Above all, I really hope Kristi’s well-being improves. That, in the end, is what’s most important.

    1. 94.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      “This posting was not helpful, and I think it just fuels the hopelessness that is so unfortunately characteristic of depression (especially treatment-resistant depression).”

      You’re supposing that the only way to help someone is to tell her what she wants to hear. I care for the OP and I wish her well. By the same token, what part of my post do you actually disagree with? What did I say that was wrong? Or is saying anything that is less than encouraging inherently wrong?

      1. 94.1.1
        Brenda

        I am not supposing that the only way to help someone is to tell her what she wants to hear (and actually, can we even really assume exactly what she wants to hear? Her question seemed to be a true inquiry). I can appreciate that you were trying to be realistic, and the reality is that dating is definitely a lot harder for people with disabilities (I’ve personally experienced that myself, as a person with multiple chronic illnesses – including severe depression).

        The part of the post I disagree with is the setting up of a dichotomy between the abled and disabled (i.e. those who can walk versus those who cannot; those without depression versus those that do have it). I find that too simplistic (not to mention how it encourages ableism). People with disabilities have a lot more capabilities and more to contribute to this world (including contributing to a relationship) than at first might seem to be the case. But maybe I simply have a different perspective. As a person with severe depression, it might seem strange that I have this certain sense of optimism. But having this tiny smidgeon of hope that it’s not all doom-and-gloom for those with disabilities (though it’s no walk in the park either) helps keep me going.

        I’m glad that you care for the OP and wish her well. We’re definitely on the same page when it comes to that! Thank you for replying – it’s been interesting to have a dialogue about this important topic.

        1. Evan Marc Katz

          “People with disabilities have a lot more capabilities and more to contribute to this world (including contributing to a relationship) than at first might seem to be the case”

          No one said otherwise. But you shouldn’t deny that if there were two identical twins and one had crippling depression and the other didn’t, most men would choose the non-depressed woman. That’s all I was saying. And if you disagree with that, I’m not sure we can find much common ground.

  15. 95
    Em

    File this one under Duh. Must be a slow news day.

    I feel sorry for all of these women hanging on to this guy’s every word like he’s the Messiah or something. 80% of what I have read on this blog is common sense and the other 20% is his opinion but in reality is variable based on the guy and the situation.

  16. 96
    Gail

    I loved this post Evan. It’s good advice. As someone who suffered from depression for years and spent 14 years working through my issues to become positive and productive I agree that depression is very difficult in relationships. I recently went out with someone who was seriously depressed. It was very difficult. He waa a lovely man but the depression was taking a toll in all aspects of his life and he was drowning in it. He could not find solutions to his problems and was unable to take the first steps to begin on the long road back. After 3 months of being his “bubble of happiness” I knew I did not want to be that..I wanted a partner who could keep himself up and running and be able to bring that to the relationship. This short relationship has taught me that it is important to set standards for myself when meeting men. Not to think I can “help” them with problems that only they can address.   While you often write about how we smart successful women should be a bit more open minded and successful, Are there also times you talk about how we should set the bar appropriately high enough that we find love with someone with whom we can make a good bond? I think while some of us may be too judgmental others may be too accepting. Neither is going to work in the long run.

  17. 97
    Jane

    My ex husband suffered from severe depression. He was in the military and because of that couldn’t really get help. They’re trying to change the stigma of that but unfortunately mental illness is still not taken seriously too much and if you have to be medicated, they kick you out. He had a history of this prior to joining and the recruiter just told him to lie on the forms.

    In the end there was no way I could continue to be with him. He had way too many issues, and he only got up and went to work each day because the Army forced him to do so. When he got out on medical retirement, he had no desire or intention to get a job. He just wanted to lay around and sleep or play video games. Meanwhile I’m working hard and I’m about to start an MBA program – I just couldn’t in good conscience stay with someone who could not equally contribute to our household, even if it was because of clinical depression.

    We split up. And hopefully my next boyfriend won’t have depression, or bipolar disorder, or anything else.

    There’s a difference between a low period (say, after the death of a loved one, where you grieve and have “the blues” for a few months, then move on) and permanent, debilitating depression. My ex was the latter, and it runs in his family. His dad has been on SSI for over a decade and unable to work due to depression.

    I would say, if my ex is to find love again, it will have to be with a woman in the same boat (unable to work and on government assistance). A successful woman will not be interested in taking care of him.

  18. 98
    Liza

    People marry people they love and who is to say that person you love will not develop an illness. There are no guarantees.   I think what you wrote to that woman is    that you aren’t comfortable with the idea of marrying a depressed person.   What you wrote imo   was insensitive. Maybe this woman’s life might change for the better if she had lots of supportive people in her life. Honestly, what a heartless response.

  19. 99
    Justme

    Hi Evan. Thank you for your well thought out response to Kristi and validating her condition.

    I’d like to share my experience with loving someone with chronic depression. I dated a single father with a child with autism for a period of time. His child was a very sweet boy and I was impressed by how he presented himself (and I accepted) as a responsible and kind father.

    As time progressed, I came to realize that he was severely depressed, had borderline personality disorder, had a DUI, and abused prespecription pills and medical marijuana. He had terrible mood swings, was very negative and angry. Did not have many friends and had poor relationships with his family. He was underemployed and his financial house was a mess, and not as he presented to me. In short he lied and would say anything to get me and I accepted it.

    I had not had any experience with depression, mental illness or substance abuse to spot it and he hid it very well and was very good at making excuses. I attempted to be compassionate and bought into the fact that he did all of this to cope with his son’s autism. I moved from being a girlfriend to a caretaker of both him and his son under the guise of helping him cope with his life so that he wouldn’t be depressed anymore. At this point we were very much in love and I became obsessed with taking his pain away. I was naive, sheltered and too generous.

    As I know now, this resulted in a few things: my needs were never met and I kept lowering the bar of my expectations from him, his problems only worsened as he felt the pressure to get better to keep me, my health took a serious nosedive, and he resented me for making him feel like an invalid.

    It finally ended on his 40th birthday when I took him on his first trip away from home. I got a front row seat into what life would be like with him, while he was free of other distractions. I discovered that he was negative, angry and unable to regulate his emotions. The truth was that his depression and problems extended way beyond his son and were probably there from a very young age. Over the trip I was no longer myself. I found myself crying everyday, every little thing was irritating and I threatened to leave him. I couldn’t sleep and he gave me sleep aids   2 nights in a row saying that they would help. When I got home I realized that the sleep aids where in fact benzodiazepines and I had a horrible reaction to them for weeks on end. I was stupid to trust him.

    I ended the relationship the day after we got home after he threw a temper tantrum over something petty. I realized that while my contribution to his life was love, support and partnership, his illnesses and life circumstances would make it difficult for him to have anyhing to offer me other than pain. Also, he was not the responsible loving father I thought but an unwell person who loved his son but could not manage his own life.

    Prior to being with him, I had a history of healthy relationships with good guys for the most part, just not quite the right fit. I had been in a few long term relationships and had spent some time causally dating and single. I didn’t have a history of depression or other illnesses. I am a successful professional, am close to my family and have close loving friendships.

    I am now in therapy and working very hard to recover from the depletion loving someone with mental illness caused. I suffer from terrible anxiety and am in treatment for a ovarian fibroma. I alienated friends and family while trying to help him and am working very hard to correct this. I turned my financial house upside down trying to help him and am finally getting back on track. In many ways, I turned into, at least temporarily, him.

    I am spending a lot of time evaluating why I accepted all of this to ensure I never allow this to happen again. I know a big part of this was my belief that everyone deserves to be loved. This belief was harmful to me as somewhere along the line I forgot that I was worthy of love too.

    So the nightmare is over and I am working on getting myself back together. I am determined to find my way back. I don’t feel like I was a victim, because that means that I was powerless to leave. But I do know that someone with severe mental health issues need to work on themselves before they have anything to offer a partner.

    I assume he is right back on the market and will do this to the next woman in his life. I have committed not to date until I am healed and whole again. Everyone deserves to be loved but not everyone should be in a relationship.

    I hope anyone reading this will learn to try to spot the warning signs upfront and choose not to accept a life like I had.

    Thank you, Evan for your response. It gave me a great deal of comfort.

     

  20. 100
    me init

    More nonsense! Firstly therapists are not inherently normal. They have an in built flaw in that they normally have no first hand experience of the patients condition. They use their years of study (only good for passing  exams) to diagnose and treat what they themselves have not experienced. Most of the people I have spoken with say their condition was made worse by the therapist or mental health worker. Common sense advice from someone who has personal experience of the condition and who has made some recovery or found a way to live with it is generally more helpful. Of course a person with depression can date and find love. Fixing oneself first is bad advice. With advice like this and as a person with a depressive nature you may never feel well enough to start dating. Of course you should date, you may very well find a loving person who can relate to you and love you for who you are. That in itself will give confidence and easy your depression. Life is for living not for wasting time over analysing, just do it. Stop wasting time reading these web pages and live.

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