Men Are Most Attracted to 20 Year Old Women. So What?

Men Are Most Attracted to 20 Year Old Women. So What

I love big data.

While statistics can, theoretically, be used to prove/disprove anything, smart people can usually see through the lies to focus on the numbers.

Christian Rudder, president of OkCupid, is the guy who digs up the numbers from the millions of people using his free dating site. In his book, “Dataclysm,” he points out that who we want to be and who we really are can be two very different things. Data reveals truths that we might not want to say out loud.

While statistics can, theoretically, be used to prove/disprove anything, smart people can usually see through the lies to focus on the numbers.

In this 538 article about Rudder, the author recounts a presentation Rudder gave with graphs that illustrate the ages at which men and women find each other the most attractive. From the piece:

“Women who are, say, 28 find guys who are also 28 about the most attractive, and so forth. Up until about 40, when that’s getting too old.”

This is no surprise, much to the chagrin of 40+ year-old guys who swear that they have the same chance at the hot 28-year-old as they did 10 years earlier.

Of course, when you flip the data around and look at what age men find women most physically appealing, you get an appalling answer. Instead of the female curve, which suggests that 34-year-old women like 34-year-old men, men find 20 year-old women most physically appealing, no matter how old they were.

20 year old men prefer 20 year old women. 40 year old men prefer 20 year old women. It’s shocking to see on paper, but not so surprising if you’ve ever talked to an actual man, read a men’s magazine or looked at porn intended for men. This doesn’t mean that 40 year old men want to MARRY that 20 year old woman, only that they find her the most physically appealing. To tell men NOT to feel this way would be akin to telling them not to breathe.

I think we’d all be well served to pay attention to how people really act when no one’s looking instead of taking their word for it.

Now, I don’t always agree with all of the conclusions that Rudder draws from his OkCupid data. Once upon a time, he was trying to illustrate why free dating sites were “better” than paid dating sites, but it was clear that he was advocating for OkCupid. Regardless, big data is often very revealing about people’s real preferences – height, weight, age, income, sex, and so on.

The one problem with big data is that it removes the human element – and dating is very much about human connection. But the same way I try to lay out best practices for dating and relationships while allowing for many exceptions to the rules, I think we’d all be well served to pay attention to how people really act when no one’s looking instead of taking their word for it.

Your thoughts, below, are appreciated.

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  1. 121

    My personal reason I have dated a few American guys in their 40’s.

    …Because it takes American men that long to catch up…

    Side note: I’ve studied at top Universities in America; some of the “college courses” were subjects we learned in 4th grade.

    Some girl friends and I were discussing this over lunch. In my culture, having a good education, money, and being nice to women and family is “normal”. For example, young guys would take us to nice restaurants, travel, and pay for us AND our friends — even just for hanging out (not dating). Moreover, these young guys are also very respectful to us and our families. In the US, men are far behind and those who are slightly successful have a false sense that they are “special”.

    Therefore, I have dated some American white guys because I was attracted to their physical appearance and the “different” experience; however,  it takes these American men until their 40’s to semi-catch up.  Many have yet to mature. 🙂

    ** my personal experience

  2. 122

    I’m 40 yrs old and only get hit on by 21 or 22 yr old women.   It’s hard to tell how old they really are when just talking to them.  They all think when they see me that I’m in my late 20s or early 30s, but unfortunately for me i’m not.

    So I’ve dated some of the 21 year old women and most of them seemed very mature even more mature than women in their 30s or 40s.

    The women in their early 20s were more energetic, open minded and seemed to be more attentive.  I felt more alive and young again.

    But I know it’ll never work in the long run with the women in their early 20s so now I’m back to reality dating women my own age.  Which is perfectly fine with me.



  3. 123
    Stacey M Johnson

    age does not matter money does not matter read the bible  I am a 47 years old and I am dating a  20-year-old. we are both happy in  fact my appearance  looks younger than her

  4. 124

    Talk about judgmental and shallow. Not all May/December couples are disgusting or any of the other words I’ve heard on here. Hell, Bogart and Bacall are still considered the most iconic Hollywood couple of all time. And Bogart was no looker. He was just really charming and sophisticated. I know Hollywood is like a different planet, but there you’ll see plenty of wealthy, successful women in their 20’s date much older men. To name a few, Megan Fox. Angelina Jolie. Scarlett Johansson. Alicia Vikander. Emilia Clarke. Etc. And let me repeat: these women date these men years after they’ve already become successful. Industry journalists have been asked to explain this, and they always say that in their experience, most starlets are attracted to the handsome, sophisticated, older man type- Clooney, Firth, etc.

  5. 125

    I’m married to a woman my age that lets me play with younger women because she loves me and she doesn’t have the desire to have lots of sex. Last night a 19 yr old sucked my 49 year old dick and then a lot more. When you are rich and married to a supportive wife getting laid by young women is basic although my life is challenging in other ways. This thread is interesting and its about meeting your own needs and being realistic. I feel that i am doing both ,my sugar babies are amazing and I love them too.

  6. 126

    I’m 31 but regularly get mistaken for being in my late teens to early 20’s (SOMETIMES my mid 20’s but that has ONLY happened in a bar). And not just to flatter me (someone online who  didn’t even know what I looked like suggested that to me. Said people try to ‘flatter’ ‘older’ women. HAH Every female in my family looked way younger than their age). I mean I frequently receive sincere and red faced embarrassed apologies from those who ID me. Especially when I turn out to older than they are lol. I get hit on most often by men in their 40′, 50’s and sometimes even their 60’s. When I tell them my age they are shocked and say “Wow I thought you were younger…” Haha I can’t say I’m not a tad disturbed by thi.

    1. 126.1


      Also while the biology aspect of it understandable (a women in her 20’s is at prime child reading age) it doesn’t make a ton of sense for anything other than procreation. I think being attracted to young (or at least young looking!) women is natural. However it’s the men who want to start something serious and even marry them that I find ridiculous and quite frankly, delusional.


      Now first of all I think people who genuinely fall in love regardless of age (as long as it’s legal!) because they love the person is something totally different. I’m talking about men who PURPOSELY seek out women who are much younger and won’t even consider a woman closer to their age.

      Ok I’m not trying to be rude here (I’m sure there will be men here that would prefer to date/ marry someone much younger) but THINK ABOUT THIS:

      You will be going into a nursing home and requiring care when she is still, hopefully, relatively healthy. You will die way before she does. Another 20-30 years makes a HUGE difference when we are talking about all of this. Do you want her to change your diapers when you are in your 80’s and she’s in her 50’s or 60’s? Come visit you in the home or maybe she can be your live in care aid? Yeah marry a RCA that’s the ticket! LOL! Then when you die what is she going to do? She may find someone else (probably a divorcee or widower) but her options will still be limited compared to when she was younger. And maybe she will be too heartbroken to every date or marry again. You are essentially ROBBING her of the last 20-30 years of her life.

  7. 127

    Please stop saying that 20 year old women are the most attractive..  Maybe for most guys, but not me. I’m amazed that other guys would think this..  20 year old’s look way too young / immature to me.  25-40(ish) has always been by far the most attractive to me.  It just drives me crazy when I see people acting like 20 year olds are the most attractive / beautiful.. Different strokes for different folks I suppose

  8. 128
    The Majestic Rat

    I used to find women of all ages attractive. But that was before reading all of these misandrist comments. Now, not so much.

    I won’t say I’m sorry because I’m not.

  9. 129
    Honest man

    If a women hasn’t found her man by 25 she is screwed, or she will be settling for a chump.  Girls should get smart and use their looks while they got them.  She wants the bad boys till she’s over weight, emotionally damaged, and tired of the fighting and drama. Then she expects a nice guy to accept her saggy skin when she is 30+.  Not happening with any man with self respect, yes there will be some beer bellies for you, but the men who take care of themselves even in early 30s will be looking to have fun with the firm skinned 21-25 girls.  Any man who says he chooses the 30 yr old who’s been with 40+ guys, overweight and getting worse by the day, is bsing you.  Reality is hard for women to accept. Men are aware about “the wall” and how fast a pretty girl can turn into a monster. Proud to be a man and I’ll be single before I settle for some leftover women in her 30s who made a lot of bad decisions.  Women have soo many options when they are mid 20s, the problem is she thinks it will be the same when she is 30.  Not happening.

    1. 129.1

      @Honest man.  You sound like a prize and no doubt marrying a 23 year-old will result in a lasting and fulfilling (for both of you) union.  I’m not sure how we over-30 women will survive without men such as yourself courting us but I guess we’ll just have to let a few tears slide down the creases of our saggy skin as we sob your name into our pillows.

    2. 129.2

      No woman will mourn the loss of never being able to date a guy like you. Trust me you are doing women a favor for not hitting on them. I guess those very young women you are (supposedly) dating still need to learn more about the world which is the only reason I can think of for someone wanting to spend time with you (that and sadomasochism).
      Also if you think that women don’t notice or care about looks you are deluding yourself. So often men are desperately trying to prove their worth and forget about their own aging by dating someone much younger and they might be dating you but not because they find you attractive. Most likely they will have other reasons. If you don’t mind that, then good for you I guess, you can keep deluding yourself.

  10. 130

    I always thought the “men are shallow because biology” was such a stupid, nonsense excuse. Even from a biological perspective it makes no sense to me that men would be more shallow than women when choosing a mate. There is far more risk involved for woman as they have less opportunity for reproduction and there is far more risk involved. Which is why in every other animal species it’s the females that do the choosing. Women get pregnant for 9+ months and childbirth is no picknick either (death during childbirth still happens). Why would they risk so much and waste so much time with men that are less healthy and have lesser quality reproductive material (to say it nicely). From age 40 men lose fertility and chances of birth defects and disorders given through the mens side increase. So again this whole “men only want young women because fertility” is ridiculous. Humans are also social creatures and pair up for more reasons than just reproductive ones. I think men are so choosy mostly because that is what they are taught to be and what they think is normal. Woman are only valued for their youth and appearance so the only important thing for choosing one must be their looks and age right.

  11. 131

    Older men (35+) who chase young women (- 24) fear getting older and want the status and validation to their egos that youth gives and the entertainment industry markets and sexualises youth. Older women are also more demanding of qualities like maturity and success, and sure, they have a different kind of beauty just as older men do and beauty is also individual and imperfect, unless your attraction is based on compulsions. It’s not just “biological reality” – it’s a socially constructed one involving power and self-image. Male bodies age and become less virile, aging reduces sperm quality and erection staying power, the fact that some chase younger women instead of women their age, says more about how they see themselves, ie. they’re insecure and narcissistic.

  12. 132

    Why is society so misogynistic towards women over a certain age and why the obsession with relationships based on youth and beauty rather than compatibility? Personally I think that in age disparate relationships there are issues with both parties and I’m talking about differences of 15+ years. For a man in his 50s to bang a woman in her 20s tells me he has no moral compass and it is the equivalent of banging his daughter. Would he be happy if his daughter came home and said she was banging a man old enough to be her father? I doubt it. Part of the problem is the sexualising of young women at much younger ages with parents who have not given them the necessary guidance in life in terms of values and boundaries. Certainly when I was in my 20s my father would have made his feelings quite clear to any man his age who pursued me because as a good father he would want to protect me. There is also the I want it now culture and taking the easy way by hooking up with an older man. To me these men look pathetic in the same way that a younger man with an older woman would and the young women are little better than prostitutes  in it for money and what they can get. No woman worth her self esteem wishes to be treated and viewed like that. I wouldn’t even consider a man who has been banging a younger woman because of his attitudes and issues.

    People age end of, it is a fact of life. For men to think that they can get a paunch, lose hair, go grey and even bald, develop jowls and it be ok is double standards. Women bear children which affects body shape and go through the menopause which also has an impact and they like the men go through life events. However it is ok for a man to fail to address what he has been through but if a woman comments about older men and younger women she is considered bitter and not worth knowing. The way I look at it is that these young women are doing their older sisters a massive favour as they are taking out of the dating pool men who are emotionally unavailable, immature men children, shallow and basing their choice of partner purely on looks and “hotness” rather than on qualities, compatibility and shared values/experiences. What goes around comes around and one day these women will be older and fond the same thing happening to them. I have 5-6 years up and down and would not deviate.

    For me I’d rather remain single than be poorly accompanied in life. Society has taboos in life for reasons and once these taboos are considered the norm then there is anarchy. For me men chasing women young enough to their daughters is the ultimate taboo. These women are easily sexploited and manipulated because the first question should be why my age and not a woman your own age. The reality is that age and peer matched woman would kick many of these men to the kerb which is why they hit on the younger women. No-one wants a gold digging trophy with parental issues. Me I’m flying free and solo and loving it. I have also got my shit sorted and know that if I do meet my life partner it will be  because I am coming from a good place. If a man can’t appreciate what I am and can offer then his loss.

  13. 133

    I am a working Professional male 68 years of age and have been seeing a young 24 year old young female….here is the funny part I was not seeking her she was the one that was looking for men my age….and no it’s not a SD relationship as all would say she is a very driven profession with her own money and apartment and life….the key here is we both have our own life-style it’s a long distance relationship seems to be working quite well…so never say never…cheers.

  14. 134

    When I was in My early 20s much older men would hit on me. Even married men. I thought they were a big joke and discusting pervs. I think they look at the 20s girl as a just a sexual conquest. Not a life partner, or an equal. Someone that won’t expect a lot.  They like that a 20 something won’t demand dinner dates and expensive things. A woman would want the nice date. 20 year old girls know boys their age are broke. Men don’t want an equal. They don’t want a woman calling them on their shit. A young girl doesnt have life experience to do that or to expect anything.


  15. 135
    Rhys Jaggar

    There is a strange assumption here sexiness aka sexual attraction for men is entirely visual.

    From personal experience I challenge this.

    Firstly you can find apparently less visually attractive female flesh much hotter when you actually touch it, which shows that attraction based on touch can over-ride atraction based on sight.

    Secondly, there is an assumption that sexual tangoes do not include words, dancing, massage etc. You are humping a deaf mute who just lies back and thinks of England. Boll-ocks!! Much of female attractiveness comes from how well they flirt, how well they understand men, how much they actually enjoy sex. Any male with sensitivity knows immediately if a woman is faking it. Sensitivity implies consideration of others. Do you seriously enjoy humping a woman on hooker duty?

    My nonPC view is you should add male plus female age together and sexual attraction for men is best if the combined aged is 60. Have an experienced 40+ fuck your 18 year old brains out! Initiate an innocent 18 year old with 24 years screwing and lovemaking behind you….

  16. 136

    This is an incredibly interesting series of posts.  I am 53, divorced for several years, and an Ivy League grad so pretty smart but not particularly rich.  Over the past few years I have dated several young and younger girls and am currently seeing a 20 year old Asian/American girl who in theory should be way way out of my league.  It seems to be working out great. She even got a tattoo of my name above her ass — not the classiest thing to do I admit but it looks cool and certainly shows her heart’s in the right place.  Time will tell!  Her mother — who is slightly younger than me — seems very proper and responsible but highly in favor of the relationship.  So we’ll see where it goes but there’s no reason I can see why this shouldn’t work out.  I do think that it’s wonderful to spend the night with a young girl and wake up with her feeling like a zillion bucks.  No question, there’s a heavy price to be paid as far as the social doyennes in town — older women scoff and sneer to be sure.  But so what?  Life is short and it might as well be good!!!

  17. 137

    I wouldn’t consider these perverts men. So what? I don’t even think should qualify as hmans and would have no qualms if these cretins were wiped of the face of the Earth. This thinking is predatory and not based on a rational thought process.

    I think men in their 40s and more exceptionally in their 50, 60, and 70s attractive. However the rate is pretty low on par w most menin any age group at less than 5 percent. It has more to do with demeanor than age and the fact i view men as human beings and not objects to satify my whims.

    Fact is no women wants to be viwed for her age unless they are disturbed mentally in some way, and lacking in logic and prospective as most of the demented men on this blog.

    And in some instances older men do come off as more mature, caring, and secure. As younger men can aswell regardless of resources but sorry the old farts commenting on this thread don’t fit that profile and come off as the 20 something jerks that the same daft women thaat go for you end up resenting and getting bitter fat and ugly off of because you don’t value women as human beings. And the smarter ones will grow wise to this.

    Most of the men I have encountered In my prefer and cherish their wives they married and other women their own age and are far more respectable and have a far better chance for me a 28 yr to develop something natural with but most likey woudn’t consider a relationship w me and at the least wouldn’t be gung ho abt but sensitive and gentle to women as a gender. Not age grp. But there are exceptions based on passion and mutual interest that transcends age and we just happened to be born in diff generations.

    I have noticed that creepy, disgusting older men hit on me and check me out as well. And my only reaction to that is to think that man is a failure of a man. These men are shallow, immature, superficial, I don’t view these qialities as attractive or smart Iin the least bit. Some bimbo might but not a high quality women who deserves more from a relationship then beng viewd as a sex object by a pervert and their bloated ego. Makes no since reallt.

  18. 138

    Veronica, Carly good posts. Very good points made by the ladies on here. I never looked at 20 year old women and thought to myself that she’d make a good mom. In fact I bet men that go that low would probably bed a young teen if it were legal, that’s how grossed out their comments come across. We all know how happy and healthy women would be if these cavemen were in charge *sarcasm* I shouldn’t  insult the cavemen, even they had more morals. This is just borderline pedophilia.

    The Ignorance and delusion I see displayed by the men on this page is overwhelming. Most 20 year old women are average, some unnattractive, some attractive. Just like in every other age group. Just like with men. there are some thin 40 y.o women w great skin, and 20 y.o women who are 30 lbs overweight w unhealthy complexions. I mean do y’all live in a rock or base your reality on porn?
    When i was 20 i was still a kid physically and mentally, and wasn’t near as confident with myself as i am now. I was a virgin when until i wad 25 and definitly wasn’t looking to sleep with any imbecils like you. Not sure what type of broads you  are pulling but i imgien it is a good match. if I were a guy I definitly wouldn’t waste my dick on this type of chick.
    Some men have a preference for younger women, some women have a preference for older men. This I don’t have a problem with. It’s when the relationship is void of any romance and based on social conditioning is when it becomes pathetic and disturbing. When those involved are just looking for what they can get out of it, and not love. We live in a youth-centric society and men who are not too bright seem at high risk of getting brainwashed by this.

    Not my problem really but if men are going to use this to slap women in the face  when we stand by them  is when I feel disgusted and giving up on men all together.

    No man secure with himself and his views would feel the need to make these sort of baseless attacks. Taking out your own failures and frustrations out on other ppl is a tall tail sign of narcissism and it’s quite clear that’s what’s going on.

    Women have preconceived notions as well and bite their tongue quite a bit. More often than not these days men don’t take care of themselves, don’t have a nice physique, no biceps, pot belly. I mean really double standards galore when it come to this topic. i don’t find most men attractive hate to break your bubble.

    So I don’t know why the sexes can’t call it even. More often than not 20 yr old girls are not looking at you, and 20 yr old guys should be looking at them. I hear them make reference abt how disgusting old men are in terms of sex and relationship, yeah it’s insensitive  but you get what you give and the 20 yr old girls are just as immature as you soo.. women that age are thinking abt young healthy sperm not a cum shot infected w autism genes which has been shown men’s sperm loses quality after mid 30s. I don’t know why men don’t bother to stick up for women their own age and generation, that takes a real man w a moral foundation I guess.

    Bottom line: men looking at 20 yr old kids over grown women have personality issues, are insecure, creepy, superficial, immature and extremely unattractive. And i wouldn’t be that suprised if it is a majority. I mean this is just 2 + 2=4 stuff. by saying you only like 20 year old women is alienating and debasing the whole gender. What decent women is going to be ok w this? No women is going to be frozen in time, we are all twenty once and we all age. It is not bad, it is life. Facts aren’t bad you make them this way.the fact you men tjink women would be ok w hearing this, shows complete disregard to their status as a human.

    I don’t buy the biological compulsion whatsoever, it’s a poor excuse to be and think like pig. Humans are social species that devlope culture and civilty, and are highly capable of learning and developing new brain patterns.sexism and biggotory doesn’t belong in a civilised socity and is unhealthy for all involved. no self dicipline and would rather be seen as a creepy old fart wown no self awareness.  You mean have no concern for anyone bur your pathetic selves. Don’t know how you sleep at night.

    Well this is the end of the sexism for me. I will now forever be cynical of the goofy old men that look at me now. Thanks.


  19. 139

    Okcupid is a very sketchy site. The young guys on the website, are your typical mix of guys. Good and honest, bad and dishont. The older guys on the other hand I find of inferior quality,so that fact is probably skewing the research. It is free afterall, so you get what you pay for.

    If you go onto or eharmony the men are more normal and prefer women within 3 years or so of their own age. I also see this reflected in real life, in my job I have reviewed probably 10s of thousands of accounts for private health insurance n the last 2 years. Now these people are well-off and don’t qualify for obama care or medicade, the premiums are very high. I would say over 90% of the married couples are the same age, give or take a year or 2. Most of the remainder are within 4 years. I only recall one couple with an age gap, ironically it was a wife in her 50s and her spouse was 24.

    Older men can be hot, hot, hot! If they are successful, dress suave, and still have a nice body and handsom face and above all more caring and sensitive nature. This brings the ration down to less than one percent in reality once you factor in that girl’s paticular taste. Average joe sees Hollowood actors like Michael Douglas and Richard Gere bagging younger women and naively think they can do the same. It doesn’t work that way fellas you are a dud compared to them. Why get an old dog when you can get a puppy, that’s what you men seem to be saying?

    The truth is most women who go for these older men have anti-social tendencies. I have seen this first hand, living in the city. Either they have issues with their parents, and/or they’re the type of girls who sleeps with other girls boyfriends, enjoys being a home wrecker, were ths bitches in school no one likes etc. The men that go for younger girls are either narcissitic, the successful man who desires a trophy shaped like a women rather than a life partner like psychologically sound people, or just plan ridiculous.

    For instance I would consider the older men on Okcupid trash, cheap, shallow, unintelligen, overall just psychologically sick like the women you all complain about. The men most vocal on this topic online re not relationship material either, they are vile, self-centered, insensitive, shallow, irrational and hypocritical. Complete opposite of what makes a man attractive to a women. It’s like the minority of the most vocal Christans that give all the Christians a bad name.

    To read these comments favouring young 20 year old women is not flattering, it’s not cool, it’s not hot. It’s disparaging, because we women in our 20s know that one day we are going to be that older women. Whenever a man brings up age, it’s a big red flag to any women regardless of age. This man is bound to have other dysfuctional personality traits because these sort of statements are down right mental abuse and teetering on sexual harrasments. It’s extremely hurtful, even from a stupid man. Women want to be valued regardless of their age, and definitely not because of it.

    I belive some uneducated western men and certain oppresive Middle Eastern cultures can’t stand a women to have power over them. That’s why they prefer girlish traits in women, teen porn, body shaved bald, detesting feminism. I work, travel, have had many experiences in my life. I’ve had 2 sex partners in my life. If I’m feeling someone and I like them I will enjoy my life and have sex. At the end I’d rather live my life to the fullest, have good lessons and experiences to share with my kids, and live my life how I please rather than be somw blow up sex doll for some insecure, emotionally inept adolecent in a man’s body.

    Some men do the same and have same mindset. If you don’t like it, move along, different strokes for different folks. There’s 6 billion people in the world and we’re all different. I’m sure you can find some who’s views alghn with your own. They probably wouldn’t want you though. If you keep running into the same type of person, probably has more to do with you. Probably should try to enter reality.

    Guess what else is a man’s fantasy. Promiscuous men are studs. Wrong. Men who try to sleep with many women are disgusting and dishonest, often using manipulation without seeing the women as anything more than a lay. Promiscuous women are just promiscuous. I don’t find it attractive on either sex, but I do know both promiscuous boys (can’t call them men) and women have deep rooted issues leading the behaviour.

    The findings of the stupid study are offensive and obviously only a man would think to do research on this. The problem is because men date younger women for the wrong reasons, and exploit their vulnerability for what they should be seeing a psychologist for. These men aren’t balenced in the least bit, do’t love their daughters and have probably never been in love with a women. It’s a relationship based on fetish like white women and black women. And people involved in these sort of relationships are dumbasses.

    Women no longer need anyone for security and much happier. And men you know longer need to make as many babies as posible. Time for you to evolve and adapt your thinking like the rest of us. You live in society and aren’t an animal in the african bush, why don’t you potray yourself as a human being and value women and treat them like they have feelings?

  20. 140

    Twenty year old men want 20 year old women.  Guess what?  So do 50,60,70,80 year old men!!  And whether their junk still works or not, there’s Viagra, Cialis, etc.  If THAT  doesn’t do the trick,  the next thing they’ll whip out is the black or Platinum credit card!!  Oh yeah, those sweet young things will have a blast with it at Victoria’s Secret, or getting their hair/nails/waxing, boob jobs, butt implants, etc. And, the decrepit old men LAP IT UP! Meanwhile, good, quality women of a certain age wither on the vine and die alone.

    Do I  sound bitter?  Oh yes, and guess who made me that way?  Older MEN!!  They have a magic mirror in which they see a young man, but the great women are aging.  Dorian Gray, anyone?   🙁

    1. 140.1
      Karl R

      Rosemary said:

      “Do I  sound bitter?  Oh yes, and guess who made me that way?  Older MEN!!”

      My wife was 58 when we got married.  Two months ago we went to a friend’s 70th birthday party. She’s had at least four long-term boyfriends since she turned 60. Two weeks ago we were at a friend’s Gumbo party. There were lots of couples at the party where both the women and men were in their 50s, 60s, or 70s when they started dating.

      As for the men who date and marry older women, we consider “bitter women” and “good, quality women” to be two mutually exclusive sets.



      If you want to focus on the men who chase 20-somethings, rather than focusing on the older women who are out dating, that’s your choice. If you want to be bitter, that’s also your choice. If you want to blame men, rather than yourself, for your choices….


  21. 141

    Oh, please – give me a break.  In my 40s, I was pursued by a lot of men, even dated a guy in his 20’s (just a fling for us both). Now, over 60, I  can’t attract a male for ANYTHING. They KNOW you’re postmenopausal and can’t run fast enough.  I look a lot younger and better than most women my age – do you think I’m turning heads anymore?  Or, being approached by men in my age bracket? An older guy who worked with my son, told my son I was “too old” for him. And, he was very close to my age – no great shakes himself! WTH do these men see in THEIR mirror? No one CHOOSES to be bitter, so let’s not put the onus on women who are fed up being rejected by guys who are no George Clooney themselves. As far as procreation is concerned, by the time their imaginary offspring are in kindergarten, they’ll probably be dead. PUHLEESE!!  How do you explain the feeling SO MANY women have of becoming “invisible” to men? There are a LOT of dirty old men out there,and they’re smug, because they’re so outnumbered by the women. The only happy ones are those fortunate enough to be celebrating 40 or 50 years of marriage!

  22. 142

    I’d  like to add that I tried online dating, age-appropriate.  I posted my picture and, while my profile got checked out, I  received few “likes” and probably no winks or flirts.  Same thing on Match, Eharmony, jdate, Christian singles, OurTime, etc.  It’s demeaning enough to have to stoop to a data base to try and find a partner, but the rejection is too hurtful. And, I’m a feminine woman, not an “angry” feminist or anything. I like men who open doors for you, and treat you like a lady. I’m not Christie Brinkley (an anomaly), but I’m not fat or ugly, either.

  23. 143
    Karl R

    Rosemary said: (#142)

    “No one CHOOSES to be bitter,”

    Quoting Charles Swindoll:

    “The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past … we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes.”

    Quoting Joel Osteen:

    “The only thing we can control is our own attitude.”




    Nobody (besides you) can force you to be bitter. Only you have that ability.

    I know many single women in their 50s, 60s and 70s who have great attitudes. I could try to make them feel angry and bitter about being single … but I would only manage to make myself sound like a jerk by doing so. Their attitude is independent of men’s actions.

    However, because they have a better attitude, they also generally have better dating lives. Men tend to be attracted to good attitudes and driven away by lousy attitudes.


    Rosemary said: (#143)

    “It’s demeaning enough to have to stoop to a data base to try and find a partner,”

    I’ve seen women imply similar things in their online profiles, so you’re not alone. Let’s turn this around.

    Let’s say you’re out doing something (maybe something you enjoy), and it’s someplace where you go on a regular basis. And let’s say a moderately attractive 60-something man shows up. After a while, he starts making some small talk with you….

    … and one of the first things hes says is, “I can’t believe I’ve stooped to coming to this place to try to meet women.”

    Does that attitude make you more interested or less interested in dating him?


    Clearly the hypothetical guy thinks there’s something wrong with that place, the people who go there regularly, and even himself, for walking in the door. Any woman with decent self-esteem will be hoping the man departs the premises.

    Granted, the women who feel demeaned by dating online are a bit more subtle than that. But they’re not subtle enough to be undetectable.


    Rosemary said: (#143)

    “I’m a feminine woman, not an ‘angry’ feminist or anything.”

    So you’re an angry, bitter, non-feminist. Even worse, you come across as a misandrist.

    Would you date an angry, bitter misogynist? What if the misogynist was age-appropriate, fit and attractive?

    Given the choice, most sane women would date an older, fatter, uglier man before dating a bitter misogynist. (Or they’d happily avoid dating either … but they’d be happier about avoiding the misogynist.)


    I almost certainly know women who are older, heavier and less attractive than you … and who are finding long-term boyfriends, sometimes getting married. Instead of ranting about men, why don’t you try to figure out how those women are managing to kick your ass?

  24. 144

    As a 21 year old femals I’m totally repulsed by men in their 3s0 and 40s trying to date me or even trying to flirt with me. My friends and I have talked about this many times after leaving a club or even being on dating sites like when I was on ok cupid. Some loser is his 40s writing me just creeped me out. Worse still if they had kids. GROSS get help!!!!  Seriously do they think we find their old ass hot? because we don’t!! When we get hit on by older guys at a bar sometimes we say f**k off and sometimes we’re nice depends on the mood we’re in but how we feel is the same, gross on every level! My dad would kill a guy if he found out some dude that old was trying to date me or talk to me. My dad’s 47 he’d want to bash the guys head in.  It’s not normal. Maybe they’re child molesters too I mean that’s what I think of when these creeps try to talk to me. They’re old really old seek help seek psychiatric help and leave us the f**k alone!!!

  25. 145

    Men have always been attracted to young women. Always have and always will. I think Kendall Jenner, Selena Gomez & Miley Cyrus are hot. I like looking at pictures of them. I also think Ellen Pompeo, Naomi Watts, Grace Park, Cate Blanchett are hot, and they are all pushing 50 years of age. And I also think Helen Mirren, 72, is hot and a very sexy lady. So just because men look at / lust after young women, doesn’t mean we’re not attracted to same age / older women.

    I wonder what the age difference among men & women is among the visually impaired? Do the blind date / marry older / younger?

  26. 146
    A woman

    Of course men prefer the appearance of 20 year olds, it seems to be a mix of:

    biology, therefore instinct (the venus fly trap of fertility, even when he doesnt want more kids!),


    the appeal of new / shiny / novelty

    A physical reminder of a time when they themselves felt most alive and virile.

    This is understandable, as females instinctively are attracted to certain attributes too that are age and genetically conditional. But, what I DON’T understand is why relationship blogs all over the web keep rubbing this (ancient) ‘breaking news’ in women’s faces and even inviting conversation knowing where it will lead!

    Look, women can’t grow younger. So if a man would be discouraged with constant reminders that he is not the leader of a large group of suborinate men and a line up of female comments about how repulsive he is due to those missing attributes, why would a woman not be discouraged with this post? Is this what we humans are made of? Responding hatefully to bait?

    So men prefer the aesthetics of youth over older women…possibly they also prefer the emotional and intellectual connection with a more mature woman over a 20 year old. What one lacks the other provides. It can be tempting to assume it means only 20 year old’s have the ‘it’ factor and I guess they do for being at their prime as being a visual sexual object, but that is the only winning factor in that age group and is the primary concern mostly of the type of man you wouldnt want anyway.

    This is the last time I read an article that steers toward the negatives, life is too short and I have some great things to get on with and generally there are more helpful articles on here. Women, please take care, focus on the postives of what you have to offer and let your common sense filter the type of men you want in your life.


    1. 146.1

      A Woman: you stated that beautifully. The reason there are so many negative articles targeted towards us is because they are likely subsidized by the beauty industry. If we all loved ourselves and stopped worrying about our looks 24/7 – stopped getting surgeries and buying makeup – the economy would collapse.

  27. 147

    Of course in general 20yr old women are more physically attractive than 40yr olds.  It’s all glossy and lovely!  BUT I know many women in their 40’s and 50’s…. my age group who are drop dead gorgeous, smart, wise, capable and sexy.  I’m a heterosexual women BTW.

    Ok, I was married at 24 to a 27yr old man.   OMG if only I had been wiser!  He has only now matured in his 50’s,  and only because he has been shocked into it because I left him 4yrs ago after 3 kids and a long marriage. I left not only because of his past indiscretions, but because of his complete inability to be a grown up.

    he now admits ( who knows if it’s the whole truth) that his affairs were totally to feed his ego.  None of the women were as attractive as myself, nor as able to connect with my silly, foolish but sometimes brilliant ex.  He is not terribly sexual.. I am and often wondered and voiced to him my concern.  He would not do a single thing to help…. very lost soul….. a mama issue I think.

    Anyhow after divorce I started dating a man a year older than myself, I was 47 at the time.  He had previously at 40 dated and lived with a 20yr old,  and when I queried him on what was his motivation for dating someone a couple of yrs older than his daughter, he answered it was his ego!!  She wasn’t hot and gorgeous ( I’ve seen photos). And he also says she wasn’t,  apparently she didn’t like sex, and didn’t like any PDA because she was embarrassed about the age difference.  The relationship lasted 2yrs, and it was all so he could brag to his friends about dating a 20 yr old.

    After that at 45 he dated and lived with a 30 yr old.  He calls her a crazy bitch, couldn’t stand it that she wanted to party all the time.  But he loved to brag to his friends.

    Then we dated,  oMG he pursued… but turns out he can’t keep up in bed.  Is a cranky petulant little boy who was jealous of and competed with my two sons who are now 21 and 18.  All about his fragile ago.

    of course we broke up!  I broke it off 8 mths ago when his behaviour escalated to downright petulant verbal abuse!!

    Some men are forever mamas boys and have pretty complex issues around women.

    i am a confident 51 yr old,  I am attractive and I am maintaining that… I have to work a little more in it now that I’m on the b side of 50. When I say work on it I don’t just mean the physical side, but keeping happy, upbeat and positive.   The personality is the most profound source of attraction.

    I Don’t think all men are as underdeveloped as my ex husband and subsequent ex boyfriend,  I probably have to monitor my ability to judge a boy from a man.

    i guess my point is some people- men and women are just driven by their insecurities and fragile ego’s.

  28. 148

    I am 47. I used to read all this BS and thought I may as well lay down and die since no one would want me. Just for the heck of it, I joined Match and found that there were many men out there in my age bracket who were looking for age appropriate women. I even had a few offers from younger men (one unbelievably hot one who probably just wanted to have sex). Anyway, of course I am aware that if I were 20, I would get 100 times more responses but who cares? We only need one person. Perhaps what really matters is youthfulness, which is attractive to either gender. I am petite, slim, Asian, and girlie. Maybe it is just important to take care of yourself, try to be as happy as possible and not bitter, and you can attract your fair share of appealing partners. Yes, men can be sexually appealing for longer in general and many times can attract much younger women but that doesn’t have to be the last word. My friend’s 20 yr old daughter is (sadly) a sugar-baby. For $2000 a month she sleeps with a wealthy 45 yr old attorney twice a week. In order to do this, she tells me she has to get very drunk from expensive wines in his cellar. At the same time, however, she herself admits falling for a 40 yr old once. So personality and taking care of ones body might count for most of everything.

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