DISCOVER HOW SMART, STRONG & SUCCESSFUL WOMEN (THAT'S YOU!) CAN FINALLY Find Your Man
DISCOVER HOW
SMART WOMEN LIKE YOU CAN
FINALLY Find Your Man
Take this short quiz
to discover what you need to do now.
Take this short quiz now
Thanks,
Michelle
Dear Michelle,
One of the hardest parts of giving advice is that there is no such thing as one-size-fits all advice. In other words, anything I tell you can easily be shot down by another woman to whom the advice doesn’t apply. Hell, I can shoot down all my own advice just as easily. And yet, a question demands an answer.
Predictably, my answer is a reflection of my larger worldview.
Whether you believe it or not, there is a guy in your city who is JUST as great as this guy… you just haven’t met him yet.
First, I’m not a fan of LDR’s. Although my sister married a man she met online (she lived in NY and he lived in SF), I am, in general, against long-distance relationships for one primary reason:
They add a degree of difficulty to the dating/relationship process that is entirely unnecessary. Don’t you think dating is tricky enough without one person having to relocate? Don’t you think relationships are hard enough to get off the ground when you only live 10 minutes away? You bet. Whether you believe it or not, there is a guy in your city who is JUST as great as this guy… you just haven’t met him yet.
Next, I am a believer that men should court women — which means making the primary effort in the early phases of dating until an exclusive relationship has been established. In my opinion, it’s his job to call you, plan the date, pick up the check and follow up again to see you again. So why would YOU go to HIM to meet for the first time?
Furthermore, most women I know won’t lift a finger to buy their own Starbucks if it’s a first date. You’re gonna shell out $450 for a flight? Seems like an expensive and risky proposition for you when he can just as easily get on a plane himself. Understand, I don’t judge you. I have flown to the East Coast to meet women. I have had women fly from the East Coast to meet me. But I will tell you this: I flew to the East Coast to meet a woman I was REALLY interested in. The woman who flew out to meet me? Not so much. If she asked me to pay for a flight to visit her, I probably would have skipped out entirely.
In other words, to some degree, how much time/effort/energy/money a guy puts into courtship is a larger indicator of how interested he is. Not always. In general.
If he doesn’t have to do anything except text you and wait for you to show up, he has NOTHING to lose and everything to gain by you making the effort.
Put another way: if he doesn’t have to do anything except text you and wait for you to show up to sleep in his “guest room,” he has NOTHING to lose and everything to gain by you making the effort.
It’s not “crazy” to get on a flight to have sex with a stranger. It’s also not remotely indicative as to whether he’s truly interested in you. Allow him to make the effort for you, and if you like him enough on that first weekend when he’s staying at the hotel near your house, THEN you can visit him on your second outing (presuming he calls all the time and follows up the way a boyfriend should).
Aurelia says
Evan, the question said that he was willing to pay her way to visit. Does that change your perspective?
I agree that I think he should come to your city and get a hotel room for the first meeting. If that works, then maybe for a 2nd outing you can meet in a fun city somewhere in the middle and then go explore the city together. Then maybe you can go to his turf.
Karmic Equation says
I’m with Evan. Let him fly to you. Obviously you like him. Let him show how much HE likes YOU. That is more important at this stage of the game.
Flying to him seems like a desperate move to me.
There is NO way that you cannot find a guy you like who lives anywhere from 5 mins to an hour from you. If you truly can’t then it’s because you really don’t want to find love, just the fantasy of it.
Look for love closer to home.
Or relocate FIRST, THEN look for love in your new location.
That would be logical and not desperate.
Sunflower says
Sounds like it could be very risky. Furthermore, just because you’ve been communicating with him via text and phone calls on a regular basis doesn’t dismiss the fact he is still a stranger. They’re just words. You don’t really know him. And so what if he pays for your ticket, is that suppose to make him a good guy? People lie to get what they want all the time and how convenient for you to be staying in his guest room if things heat up. I agree with Evan. If he’s truly interested in you and a possible relationship, he would make the effort to come see you and stay at a nearby hotel.
Katt says
Listen to Evan Michelle, this is not something you need to do. If he’s willing to pay your airfare let him come to you and DONT let him stay in your house or apartment. Find a hotel near by and let him book in there for a night or two. If the meeting doesn’t work out there is nothing lost on either side and your integrity is not compromised.
Please be careful, your safety is more important than some guy who lives so far away. If this guy is honest and upfront he won’t mind one little bit that you are being careful.
Sonia says
Evan seems to have missed the bit about him paying for your airfare. Other than that, he made some great points.
You should definitely NOT go to him if you have to pay. And if you decide to go to him because he paid, don’t stay with him. Spend some time with him, but stay at a hotel (or AirBnB).
Other options are him coming to you, or the two of you meeting somewhere in the middle. But whatever you do, like Evan said, it needs to feel as though HE’S courting YOU as much as possible. If you feel it’s unbalanced – like you’re making most of the effort and he’s just sitting back and enjoying it – pull back and see if the energy shifts.
If you find you guys really like each other, proceed with caution. I do believe it can work, as it did for Evan’s sister. But distance can blind you to things. So, be careful. Good luck! I’m optimistic for you.
Gina says
I agree, let him come to you. You need to see if he is as invested as you are, and you may not even gel well in person.
Adam says
OMG! This is truly a bad idea. I can’t believe that she is even asking this question.
The first time you meet a guy, you need to meet him in public to ensure that he didn’t send you a fake picture. You need to get a feel for this guy by spending time with him in person in a public location.And if you are going to visit a guy you have never met, DON’T stay with him, stay in a hotel or with a friend.
Ladies, if a guy wants you to “spend time in his guest room,” “visit with him,” etc., the end game is sex. Please don’t delude yourself and think that you are going to be spending time in a guy’s “guest room,” or sharing a room with him or any other similar arrangement and not having sex. Please, please DO NOT delude yourself. There are NO guys that consider a woman sleeping in his bed or “living in his guest room” any kind of platonic arrangement where he gives her time to “get to know him” before she is “comfortable with sex.” This simply doesn’t exist. So don’t delude yourself. Please do not argue with me, just realize us guys are not built that way. If this is what you want, to have lots of sex with him, by all means stay with him. Just be aware that if you are not interested in this, DON’T do this.
angel says
Bad idea. I meet many men that travel for business. My ex traveled also extensively. I think that a man should come to the woman. She should feel comfortable on her turf. Particularly, in a scenario where he’s contemplating relocating to the area, wouldn’t it make sense that he would consider it A) opportunity to meet you B) he can play tourist and prospect the area to see if it’s a good fit for him. Let him come to you, he can reserve his hotel and follow the same protocol for safety that you would with a first date with a local man. Meet him in a public location, don’t go back to his house (hotel), etc. I think sometimes when people ask questions, they are just validating what they know in their gut doesn’t sound right. So, I’m glad that she wrote in to Evan.
I agree and have entertained a two hour away LDR with someone that I liked and would have considered dating. In that case, I considered his coming to me the first few times followed by meeting somewhere halfway (which is still an area that A) I’m comfortable and safe with B) I have a relative through my ex husband a.k.a. safe place to go and then from there could determine if I’m driving out to see him (still getting a hotel room or staying with friends who are within 20 minutes of his location). However, after talking on the phone a few times, I could see that he was pressing for me to only come to him. No thanks, buddy!
Kath says
Evan is right
A guy offered me a flight to meet him in Chicago. It felt arrogant because he implied his time was more valuable than mine . Even if he’s paying for the flight, you appear like you are chasing him.
Stay local
Elle says
Wow, Michelle, you need an emergency transfusion of street smarts stat. You are entirely too trusting. All successful con men and predators know exactly how to behave in ways that will gain your trust. They can be expert manipulators. So there you are, asleep in his guest room, when you are startled awake by him on top of you. You fight back, he overpowers you, and you can guess the rest. Not only do you have to live with the memories of that night for the rest of your life, you have to deal with the legal system, if you decide to report it. Which you likely won’t do, because you’ll blame yourself for putting yourself in such a vulnerable position in the first place. Check out Twitter #beenrapedneverreported, then read Gavin de Becker’s book The Gift of Fear, then follow the rest of Evan’s advice about long distance relationships. An ounce of prevention is always worth a pound of cure.
Wendy says
It’s all about trust. If you don’t trust this guy enough to fly out to see him and stay with him, then you don’t have any trust at all and should do the guy a favor and let him find someone who DOES trust him.
Kath says
Why should she trust a dude she’s never met who speaks on the phone twice a week? This is how scammers work. Most online dates don’t turn into relationship when you meet locally. Why would the odds be better here?
“She should do the guy a favor and let him find someone else” …are you serious?? He can find anyone in less than 900 mile radius as it is ….
Wendy says
Hey, I’m just repeating what I’ve been told in the past on this site whenever I’ve suggested a woman take the normal precautions when meeting any new guy (tell a friend when/where they’re meeting and give her his name, for example). But everyone on here jumps down my throat for being a paranoid, untrusting, man-hating psycho. I personally don’t see how that makes me a fearful freak any more than they are for locking their car doors when they go to the mall, but hey–if Evan says we should trust total strangers 100% with our lives, I guess we should do the right thing.
Evan Marc Katz says
Wendy, you’re so tiresome. But as always, I’ll take the bait.
The OP’s greater concern shouldn’t be her safety. It should be making the effort for a passive guy who should be making the effort for her.
Wendy says
I totally agree with you Evan. I just don’t understand why you’re not blasting all the other commentators on here for saying the exact same things I’ve said in previous posts, and have seen others get blasted for.
Evan Marc Katz says
Wendy, I don’t read every comment on here. I have an assistant who approves them. However, when people like you attack me or treat me like I have no idea what I’m talking about, I tend to respond to them – which is probably somewhat foolhardy. Let’s agree that if you stop commenting here and attacking me for telling women to trust men, I promise to never blast you again.
Kath says
correction ..he can’t find anyone in less than 900 mile radius as it is
Ellie says
As Evan also said, there is no one size fits all advice. Each situation is unique. My long distance SO has a severe anxiety disorder. I live in a very warm country halfway across the globe. Very hot weather is a trigger for him, let alone travelling to a country alone with a culture that is very different from his. He’d pay for everything and more if I come to him, more than the amount he would spend if he comes to me. Besides, him and I have more than 3 years of online correspondence and deep [online] friendship invested and have been there for each other when no other people would through the toughest times. Sometimes things are not that black and white.
lixys says
Ellie,
If your boyfriend has severe problems that don’t allow him to handle going to visit you I cannot help but think If you moved to his town, would he be able to start a real relationship with someone he has online been with online?. This seems like you would be the one taking all the risks in this relationship.
NANCY says
I did this, I live in AZ and the guy i met lives in Montana…he swore he was 5’9″ tall…when i stepped off the plane and saw him…omg…he was lucky to be 5’7″….i knew it wasn’t going to work…i’m 5’8″ 1/2…lol Was a nice vaca tho.
Catharine says
I meet a man online several years ago who lived in Texas and I live on the East Coast. I flew out to see him and boy was it a mistake. We had great “chemistry” on the phone, but in person, it was very awkward. I should have stayed in a hotel or left early when he started acting rude. I never felt afraid, but I would never consider doing this again. He later sent me an ugly email telling me that I was very insecure and he would no longer be calling me. Needless to say, I regret wasting my time and money, but at least I got over my fear of flying!!!
Kate says
HELL no
josie says
I would not recommend this. Although I have gone out of state to meet someone, it was primarily due to the fact that he was in the military, so it was more difficult for him to get leave to come out of state to visit me. I met this man online, and there was a fairly lengthy getting to know each other process via texting and Skype. I did book my own hotel, and stayed there with no sex or funny business.
Although the relationship did not work outit wasn’t an entirely bad experience, and he did visit me twice following that initial meeting. There were many incompatibilities and eventual red flags with his personality. These incompatibilities would have been obvious early, had we been dating in the same city. So I understand Evans point about dating within your own city, rather than focusing on someone long-distance .
Mrs. Newlwed says
Nope
No
Nada
Girl please he could be a catfish! Can’t believe this question has to be asked & that women are actually flying out to see guys who are basically strangers.
One dude I know told me he ‘did’ the women who flew out to see him and never saw her again as he wasn’t into her cause if he was into her he’d have flown out to see her!
Allow men to chase and purse its their nature.
kevin says
Everyone should be cheering her on…isnt this the 50 Shades of Grey relationship u women dream about 😂😂😂
Karmic Equation says
You obviously haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey. This is nothing like that.
This is more like “Sleeping in Seattle” — unfortunately most women buy into rom-coms like that hoping to have a great “story” to tell how she met her love, when reality rarely happens that way.
AllHeart81 says
50 Shades of Grey is not my fantasy. Far from it.
Fusee says
I’m not into LDR’s either, especially when they *start* LDR. I strongly believe that meeting in person before getting emotionally invested is the wise way to go, otherwise you could fall in love with a fantasy at best, a con artist at worst. It would take a lot of special circumstances for me to make an exception to not meeting in person right away.
I met my husband in person in my area but he was from two states away and only local for six more weeks. Initially I was not impressed. First it looked like he was looking for a fling (he was : ), secondly I was not sure I wanted to go long distance so soon in the relationship, if relationship there would be.
Ironically the one-year or so of LDR contributed to the success of the early stage of our relationship. My hubby needed a lot of time alone and I really enjoyed conversation-based skype dates to get to know him really well without the distraction of just doing “fun dates”. So daily phone calls and monthly meetings worked out well for us until we got a chance at a trial cohabitation for three months.
To the Letter Writer, I would suggest the same as Evan and others have said. Allow him to court you. Have him come visit you the first time, with a stay at a nearby hotel, or meet halfway at his expenses. If all goes well you can go visit him the next time, also by staying at a hotel, regardless of whether sex has happened or not.
This being said, it is unclear whether you chose to contact him or if he did the move to contact someone 900 miles away. It would make more sense if you initiated given that you are considering relocating there. In that case it might be harder to justify having him coming to you since you took on the pursuing role. If he did though, I question his motivation in looking for a lady so far from his area. Is he also considering relocating?
All in all I actually find good that the guy is inviting you to visit him at home. He is not likely to be hiding a wife and a few kids. It does not mean you need to agree with his suggestion right away though.
Good luck!
Shaukat says
If you set aside the safety issue, and assume that she can/should trust this guy, then from a practical position it makes far more sense for her to go to him for the first meet up. Here’s why in my opinion: 1). He’s willing to pay her airfare; 2). He’s offering his guest room, so no hotel expense; 3). She’s thinking of relocating to his city in a few years so, if things don’t work out, then at the very least she can use the trip to scout the location.
If, on the other hand, he goes to her he’s incurring the cost of the flight and the hotel. Considering the fact that women are far more likely to decide after one date that there just wasn’t that magic spark or enough chemistry, he’d have to be crazy to assume that risk. At least in her case it wouldn’t be a complete loss if things don’t work; she can explore the city and she’s out no money.
I truly believe there’s a bit of a double standard when it comes to this aspect of the courting process. Most reasonable people accept the fact that a woman is under no obligation to get naked witha guy after three dates, without a guarantee of committment, simply because he’s put in the effort to plan and pay for those outings. In fact, most people would that such an expectation comes from a position of entitlement.
And yet, virtually everyone on this thread assumes that a man should incur the costs during the early phase of courting when there’s a high risk that nothing will come of it. That assumption and expectation is also grounded in an unfair sense of entitlement. I don’t agree with the MRA crowd on virtually anything, but in this one area they have a point.
Ruby says
1. If he’s willing to pay her airfare, he could certainly pay his own way. Plus, she would have to pay for all other incidental costs that arise while traveling. 2. Staying in a “guest room”, at a stranger’s home? That puts her in a potentially vulnerable position. If you think he’ll be happy with her sleeping his guest room, you are sadly mistaken. Or he could even be dangerous. 3. If they hit it off, there will be plenty of opportunities for her to visit him over the next 2-3 years.
Women are much more likely to give a guy another chance, even when they don’t feel chemistry. Many women are raised with the idea that they should consider all options. In any case, there’s a “high risk that nothing will come of it” for both parties.
josie says
Shaukat I differ with your conclusion that women are more likely to decline a second date due to the elusive chemistry. I have gone on second dates and even third dates with men I was unsure about (as EMK advocates). My friends report similar dating strategy. On the other hand I have been told several times , after 1 date in which I was at my best, that he didn’t feel chemistry. To day nothing of all the men who flake out before meeting from online dating.
I agree that the woman should bear part of the costs of a long distance meet up( and I did, read my story above). But your conclusion is not fair.
Shaukat says
@Ruby
If you read my comment, I stated clearly that my point was based on the assumption that she could trust him regarding the guest room, etc. I agree that this guy is probably hoping to escalate things sexually, and that the guest room will make things easier, but I don’t think those are his only intentions. Neither men nor women are one dimensional. If she goes to him, I doubt she’ll have any incidental costs; he’ll likely pay for all their outings.
@Ruby and Josie,
I’m glad you’re both willing to go on a second or third date even if you don’t feel a lot of chemistry. However, since you’re both reading EMK’s blog and seriously following his advice, I would submit that you’re not represenatative of the majority of women. Also, I don’t know how old either of you are, but I was specifically referring to women within the age range of 26-34. Women who fall in this category are more likely to pass on a second date for the following reason: Attractive, or even semi-attractive women in this range likely have quite a few options, especially if they’re dating online. Since men are the approachers it requires far more effort for us to generate as many options. I’m not complaining about this. It is what it is. But to deny such a reality is simply foolish.
rachel says
I have a different take on this. Since he is offering to pay, I think that by going there, she will know if he is for real and not married, or living out of a car, or living with his mother, etc…If he visits her, she won’t really know a thing about him for sure. So in that way, I think it might be safer for her to visit him, as long as she stays in a hotel. But a quick look at his living situation might be a good idea, And he should pay for her hotel too.
Erik V says
No man in his right mind would send money to a girl he has never met before and this for several reasons:
There is – at least in his mind – the possibility he’s scammed.
By sending money he brings a materialistic element into the relationship which seems way too soon to do so.
The girl might loose respect for him because he’s paying her
Erik V says
Being in love is also wanting the best for the person you are in love with, at least for sane people it is.
If he is in love with you he would make an effort to take out the risk for you and come to your city and book his own hotel (which allows you to stay with him for the night if you decide at that time to do so)
If he is resourcefull he would make it a genuine citytrip and visit the local museums, attractions, …
If he is smart he would make the trip worth his time, effort and money even if things do not work out between you. I give an example from my own life: I like to dine in (very) fine restaurants, that’s something I really like to do and has value for me, but I do not like to eat alone. So for me first dates (or business lunches) quite often are in such restaurants and if things do not work out as hoped at least I had a wonderful food experience
Helen says
I think the fact that he is offering to pay for her airfare is a bit of a red-herring.
Although a nice gesture, there are a couple of problems. It will certainly come with strings and if it’s not an airfare that the OP can afford on her own, how will they maintain a LDR over several years? I certainly agree with Evan that it suggests that he thinks his time is more valuable than hers.
If this is an area that that OP is looking to move to, there may be some ties to the place already. Friends, family or a work connection? Could a trip be arranged under her own steam, and have a casual met up with the potential love interest? Or have him come to you.
Although, based on my history of online dating, I’ve found the chances of clicking with someone on the first meet is fairly slim. You risk of having to spend a whole weekend with someone you’ve decided your not into in the first hour and is potentially really awkward.
fitblondebrit says
No, no, no, no and no! Why would any woman even consider this?
If he wants to meet you, he can get on a plane and come to you. And stay in a hotel/motel.. Absolutely not in your home…
Tea says
My mind is still reeling from my recent ordeal. I met a guy online at a dating site & we spoke for about 4 mos, almost daily & sometimes enjoying 3 & 4 hour conversations. He made me laugh & I really cared for him. He wanted me to be his girlfriend & asked me early on. I found that odd. He always sounded young over the phone but claimed to be 50, retired military & also had a great gov. Job. He insisted I check out his credentials online early on. They checked out, but still his voice was odd. I requested he snap a selfie giving me the peace sign so I could know it was him & he did. So after that, I sort of fell in love with his young, vibrant voice. We became such friends & even talked a lot about me relocating to be with me. He lived on the west coast, I lived on the east coast. He told me all about his family, even shared pics of them.
The day finally came & we decided to meet. I would fly to him for the weekemd & he would pay for the hotel. We were both so excited & counted down the days. He booked a room at the Westin & I bookef y flight. We talked about h picking me up at the airport & he asked for my flight info to be there on time.
2 days before I was set to fly out. I got a text from stating his mom was being rushed to the ER & he would call me later when he got to the hospital. I was so worried because she had a stroke a couple months prior. Well a couple hours later I get a text saying his mom had a heart attack – that he had to cancel our meeting. He apologized & said he would repay me for my $400 ticket which was non refundable. I was understanding & said OK
After that even I heard from him just once more. He called to say she was going into surgery & he was at the hospital holding his siblings together. After a few days of not hearing from him & no return of calls or texts I grew worried. I thought his mom took a turn for the worst. I was so concerned for him. Then I started to feel real stupid. I did some researchonline & came across his sisters tel #. She had no clue who I was or what her brother was up to, but she did confirm that he was not married & that their mom was fine. No heart attack & certainly no stroke. I was heartbroken. She said she wanted to stay out of it – a day later her changed his tel#.
I just don’t get why people seek to do harm to others. I know I’m foolish, but I miss him. I miss the person I thought was my friend. I wish he didn’t feel he had to lie to me.
Alicia says
I’m actually going through the same thing right now. We met on a dating site and we’ve been chatting for the past 4 months. We text each other almost everyday and we Skype every second week. Finally he’s coming down to see me and I live all the way across the globe, he’s never travelled as far as Africa to meet someone before. I personally advice all women to let him fly to you on your first encounter, it’s your home ground, it’s safer and you know it’s real. ♥♥♥
Miriam says
My cousins ex gf flew to D.R. to meet someone and lost her life. Don’t do it! Let him come to you and stay in a hotel. If he refuses he isn’t that into you…sorry js. Good luck!
Alyosha says
In a world that seems to trivialize every damned thing, everything real has been reduced to a post-modernistic fart joke. This idea that life is random and meaningless is so pervasive in our society – it infects everything from our television to our personal relationships.
Something as precious and amazing as finding a mate is nothing more than some sort of game to the average 21st century American and I find it revolting. I’ve read countless articles on this topic and there is this constant, ugly current of “everything is ordinary and stupid nothing is special”, as echoed in the statement:
Well, that’s only true if you’re average.
As they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea – but only if you’re a mackerel or a herring.
No, there isn’t a guy in my city who is just as great as the one who echoes my thoughts, who finishes my sentences, who shares my dreams. And if you’re unique in any way, if you have any respect for your own mind, you will know that I’m right. There aren’t a million people out there for you. If someone is special, they’re special.
Don’t let this vapid society tell you otherwise.
Karl R says
Alyosha,
I’m going to ignore your first two paragraphs, because they clearly don’t relate to anything that anyone has said on this particular topic.
Alyosha said:
“if you’re unique in any way, if you have any respect for your own mind, you will know that I’m right.”
If you look at the things that fundamentally make someone who they are, their genetics, their epigenetics, their experiences, their relationships … for each person, that’s unique and distinct from any other person. This is so pervasive that even identical twins are clearly distinct from each other.
So you are unique … just like the other seven billion (or so) people on this planet.
Alyosha said:
“No, there isn’t a guy in my city who is just as great as the one who echoes my thoughts, who finishes my sentences, who shares my dreams.”
Have you met every single guy in your city? (I certainly didn’t meet all 300k+ single women in my city, but you might live in an extraordinarily tiny city.)
Which of your thoughts and dreams are particularly unique? (I didn’t include the ability to complete sentences, because that ability is really commonplace among people with above average intelligence … even when there’s no special bond.)
Alyosha says
Karl,
Yeah, I know. Everyone is unique and that pretty much means nothing.
But it SURE doesn’t seem that way.
I see most people as brain-dead robots. No good reason, maybe. Those people clearly do have unique stories, unique genetics, intelligence, and dreams. They just don’t connect. It’s like…they’re not real. Maybe I’m just young and have read too many books. I don’t know.
But if I met someone who actually stood out as a real human being on the level that I perceive myself to be, it would change everything.
And as someone who feels this deep disconnect from most people, it’s very angering and confusing to watch serial daters claim to have some depth and emotion because I, frankly, see them as indiscriminate animals.
Alyosha says
*indiscriminating UGH
Karl R says
Alyosha,
If you’re not already seeing a psychologist, find one and schedule an appointment. Several of your statements are setting off alarm bells for me:
“They just don’t connect. It’s like…they’re not real.”
“if I met someone who actually stood out as a real human being on the level that I perceive myself to be,”
“And as someone who feels this deep disconnect from most people,”
I don’t think that’s a matter of being young and reading too many books. It sounds more serious than that, but that’s not exactly my area of expertise.
Erik V says
Now I am offended in the deepest of my soul, not because I’m such a fan of online dating or I have had so much success with because that is simply not the situation.
But I feel offended because one cannot, should not nor expect to find or go for the one and only “special”. One should make his partner the “special one”, and you do that by spending and investing time, energy and creativity into the relationship, cherish it and see it blossom.
HKgirl says
I think every situation is different but I don’t get why everyone is so negative in regards to this post. Obviously one should be careful. And whoever’s cousin’s ex gf lost her life in DR, have you been to the DR? My friend and I were almost accosted when walking 1/4 mile from the resort to a big mall! It is DEFINITELY not a safe place.
That said, I would probably NEVER stay at an unknown guy’s place but I would fly to meet him. She should just stay in a hotel she can afford on her own. And in regards to the guy, heck, he has already indicated he likes her by chatting all the time AND paying for the plane ticket.
That said, why does everyone claim that women and men should be treated equal, get paid the same, and yet everyone here says a man should pay for the first date? I make an excellent living and I am happy to spring for an expensive dinner/hotel room etc. if the guy can contribute what he can (his own plane ticket/dinner once in a while etc.).
And finally, there are no promises. Husbands kill wives; it’s not jus the guy you meet on the internet you should be worried about. Use caution and sense in ALL your interactions no matter what, with who, or where/when.
Just my 2 cents.
HKgirl