The Most Important Quality Men Value in Women

Do you remember what it’s like to be in an exciting new relationship?

You’ve got this electric chemistry and everything’s going swimmingly.

He calls you every day.

He introduces you to his friends.

He talks about making vacation plans in the future.

In only a few weeks together, you feel like this was meant to be…and your mind goes wild with the possibilities.

You can’t help yourself.

You think about him at work.

You text him on the way home from work.

You daydream about what life will be like when you’re married.

And then it ends. Abruptly. Without explanation.

The problem is that – in relationships with flawed humans and flawed communication – the truth is often really hard to find.

You’re blindsided. And you want answers. I don’t blame you.

I’ve been in the exact same position and I wanted answers, too.

The problem is, you can never get them from your ex.

That’s why I wrote, “Why He Disappeared.” As a male dating coach who specializes in helping women understand men, I have compiled all the answers for you.

Click here to get clarity and closure on all of those past relationships.

You’ve gone through the pain and confusion that comes with breaking up. Maybe you made peace with the past, maybe you haven’t.

But if you’re anything like me, you’re constantly seeking the truth.

The problem is that – in relationships with flawed humans and flawed communication – the truth is often really hard to find.

The good news is that, in this blog, you’re going to learn one of the main truths that women go their whole life without learning.

I first realized that this truth was a revelation after giving a speech to a group of 100 singles, aged 25-40.

My speaking engagements are always fun, with lots of laughter and crowd participation. But every night has its surprises. And this speech provided a revelation.

Despite the raucous laughter and the nodding heads, there was one time that you could hear a pin drop.

It was when I was talking about what men REALLY want out of women.

It’s different than what women want out of men.

You assume that because you value certain traits in men; men value the same thing in women.

In general, women want men to be leaders. They want someone tall, masculine, intelligent, and decisive. They want him to be a passionate captain of industry –  a man who can hold a room with his charisma, tell a story that makes your sides split, and can bring home the bacon as well.

That alpha male is very attractive and most women are attracted to him.

The glitch is that this man is not looking for a woman who’s just like him.

And THAT’s the big blind spot for many intelligent, successful women.

You assume that because you value certain traits in men; men value the same thing in women.


It’s not that intelligence, money, and leadership are unimportant to men; it’s that they place a distant second compared to the most important trait:

How you make him FEEL.

That’s right. It’s not your list of credentials that impress men – it’s how they feel about themselves when they’re with you.

So if your greatest strengths are your intellectual curiosity, your tenacity at work, and your ability to analyze and debate your stance on every issue under the sun, you’d definitely be the person he wants to HIRE.

But who does he want to date?

The woman who asks him about himself.

The woman who laughs at his jokes.

The woman who doesn’t give him a hard time about hanging out with his friends.

The woman who trusts him.

The woman who is up for anything on the weekends and everything in bed.

The woman whose default setting is happy, not stressed/angry/anxious.

Simply put: if he feels GOOD about hanging around with you, he’s going to want to hang around with you forever. But if you think that he’s going to be drawn to you for your ACCOMPLISHMENTS – your degree, your job, your home, your impressive hobbies – you’re really missing something fundamental to men.

The great thing is that this is something you can shift TODAY.

Just by understanding that men like to FEEL good – not emasculated, not second guessed, not browbeaten – you can become the ideal girlfriend instantly.

Imagine if a man were to become the ideal BOYFRIEND. What would he have to do?

Make plans in advance.

Pick up the check.

Call every day.

Leave his weekends open.

Talk openly about commitment, family, and future.

Simple stuff, huh? Yet most men fall short, don’t they? It’s because they either don’t KNOW how to be better boyfriends or they don’t CARE.

Just by understanding that men like to FEEL good… you can become the ideal girlfriend instantly.

I can’t say whether you care about being a better girlfriend, but now you’ve got no excuse. You KNOW what men want.

How good are you going to be at giving it?

I talk about this extensively in Why He Disappeared – how you can be smart, strong and successful and still be easygoing and nurturing.

It’s not a contradiction – no more than it’s a contradiction for a busy entrepreneur to be emotionally available or a charismatic alpha male to be a good listener.

However, you might notice that men who are consumed with their careers are not always available, and men who are charismatic often like to hear themselves talk.

I can’t make a guy into a better listener; but I can share subtle ways in which you can make men feel better when they’re around you.

To learn more, click here.

Thanks for reading, as always. Can’t wait to show you a new path to love.

Join our conversation (92 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 31

    What — me?  I’m a man!  I don’t do anything… although that could also explain why I’m single!  LOL
    But, seriously… I don’t know if I can specifically put my finger on things I do or don’t do to meet a woman’s needs.  I’m sure there are many ways in which I could improve.  I would say that something I consciously do is try to listen without reacting.  My normal tendency is to try to fix things or react to what’s being said, but I’ve noticed that women tend to like to just vent more than anything and are just happy that you’re there for them when they need to do it.  They often don’t want or need you to react, or to attempt to “solve” anything, which is counter-intuitive, at least for me — because I tend to think that if you’re complaining about something, it’s for the sake of seeking change.  I figure, if you’re complaining about it to me, you must want my help fixing it.  But that’s not always true.  Weird.  Illogical.  Roll-my-eyes-boring!  You mean you’re complaining just for the sake of hearing yourself complain about it — and it makes you happier because you can drag me along for the ride — because misery loves company? There are plenty of times where I don’t want to hear it, but that’s why it’s a compromise.  Some of the stuff you’ll hear is just utter nonsense (from a man’s perspective) — but it could be the most important thing in her life right at that point, so I just let her have her moment with it.  I’m sure there’s plenty of crap she chooses to put up with that she thinks is equally nonsense or boring.  It’s usually well worth it to just shut up and listen, acknowledge the vent from time to time, and seem genuinely interested/affected.  Something I’ve realized is that, while men and women both want what matters to them to matter to others… I’ve noticed that women, in general, seem to need validation all the freakin’ time.

    1. 31.1

      Damien lol! You are a man!! You hit it on point of how to understand men- Alpha men :))

  2. 32

    🙂  Damian, ‘just a man’

    I give you a lot of credit and am impressed for recognizing one of a women’s needs (listening) and for wanting to learn more and do better.  

    If a woman needs validation all the freakin’ time, she has confidence/maturity issues.  BTW, this neediness is not only reserved for women, it’s just your view.   Plenty of men out there that are super needy as well.  THAT is tiresome.

    I think if you keep this equation in mind, it might help ‘explain’ women.  (We are much more complex then men, this is true.  We’re also more ‘capable’ in more ways then men.  Men and women each fill an important role.)

    Femininity (passion for themselves, their man and life) = Obtaining men’s resources  (listening, labor, humor, affection, attention, money) + Purpose greater than self

    So you’re listening DOES mean a lot in regard to having us feeling feminine and therefore passionate.  Keep in mind though, that none of these things come at the expense of your boundary.  So listening endlessly to someone dump their problems and negative energy on  you is well beyond the ‘call of duty’. 

  3. 33

    “If you can’t give in to our quirky, tech-obsessed, sports-loving, illogical, horny, possibly-perverted, sexist ways, you’re fighting an unwinable battle.”

    Ah, men…..I love them all!! 😉 So true, Damian.

    Men and women ARE, indeed, wired differently. If we can start with *acceptance* of our partner and their unique differences —  we’re 2/3 the way to success, right there.

  4. 34

    #34 Gem

    Well said and couldn’t agree more!

  5. 35

    My boyfriend of one year says that I make him feel loved, cherished, adored, protected, and accepted for who he is. that I’m the best girlfriend that he’s ever had. He also stated that he loves me, is in love with me, I’m a wonderful girlfriend, we have a high degree of compatibility, and that he doesn’t want to date anyone else.
    However, when I asked him – after one year of dating – if he felt that marriage was in our future (in the past, he would tell me that although we are not ready for marriage yet, we are dating with that goal sometime in the future), he said he was not sure if he wanted to marry me. When I asked him why this was his response:
    “I know that it’s wrong to compare, but I don’t feel the same degree of intensity for you that I felt for my last girlfriend. I know that was an unhealthy realtionship  but I do not feel the level of intensity that I felt for my ex-girlfriend. Now, I don’t need to feel that same level of intensity because that was unhealthy, and I do feel a certain amount of intensity and passion for you, but I am not sure that I feel a high enough degree of it in order to want to marry you.”
    You see, he feel head over heals in love  with a woman who did not love him, but would criticize him and tell him that he was too weak, too short, etc. When she dumped him after 8 months of dating, idealizing her, he continued to pursue her. trying to change himself in order to please her and get her to love him back. When he started to back off, she would encourage him by acting as though she wanted him back, and the cycle would begin again. As a result, there was a level of intensity that he felt from that experience and he now uses that -to a certain degree – to determine the degree of his love for me.
    He said that intuitively, he felt that our relationship would be sustainable over the long haul, and that even if he would have ended up with the ex-girlfriend, there were red flags that he overlooked, and in the long run it would not have lasted.
    The lesson that I’ve learned is that it doesn’t matter how wonderful you make the man feel, or if you have a high degree of compatibility – what matters is how passionate/intense their feelings are towards you.
    P.S. I downgraded the relationship to friendship status, in order to make the transition from lovers to friends, we are taking some time apart. AND he is going to counseling to try and figure out and resolve his issues.

  6. 36

    Regina 36, thank God for your last paragraph. All the while I was reading what you wrote, I kept thinking: “Break up with this fool! He doesn’t deserve you!” And it sounds as though that is what you have done. Smart woman. If he doesn’t have the ability to learn from past mistakes, and if you are as kind and easygoing as he says you are, then you deserve a better relationship.
    Don’t just sit there waiting for him to finish counseling. Go out and have great times with other men.

  7. 37

    #36 Regina

    WOW, I can’t believe this man was intuitive and thoughtful enough to express all of this to you!  I’m impressed…

    Things didn’t work out the way you wanted; it sounds like things he need to work through.  It sounds like he’s a bit immature not understanding the difference between negative energy/drama and a relationship where that doesn’t exist.  Good for him for getting professional  help to work through that.

    It also reminds me of Evan talking about the experience with his wife, wondering if she was the one he wanted to marry given the differences they had and that she may not have been his ‘ideal’.  Ultimately, she made him feel good, was mature, grounded and centered, and eventually won his heart–he knew he would not be able to find someone who treated him better or made him feel better (hope I paraphrased my understanding correctly!).  It took Evan some time, perhaps some maturing, but he got there.

    Not saying that will happen here, but that’s what I thought of when I was reading  your post.

  8. 38

    #37 Helen

    I think it’s better to be sympathetic to other humans as they travel their path in life.  Most times, someone else’s path is not our path.  It’s so easy to dismiss people.  I give this man a lot of credit.

  9. 39

    Thanks for this post, Evan. I’ve always wondered why i couldn’t attract a guy and could never pinpoint the difference between me and my happily attached girlfriends. Your post really cleared this up for me…’cause I now realise my girlfriends are fully capable of being supportive to their man and also following a man’s lead. Thus far, I’ve been pretty negative towards men, and I am guilty harbouring this hurtful and ultimately self-defeating belief that all men who are less than perfect are ‘losers’..not working out for me so far.
    But now that my eyes are open to what men really want from a woman, I’m ready to give it a shot and see where this paradigm shift takes me. Thank you so much Evan! (I’m 25 and have never been in love before)

  10. 40

    I don’t disagree with a lot of the article, but it seems to me that the author has little understanding of what women might want from men. Women want alpha males who pick up the tab all the time…etc…all stereotypes.

    Maybe very young women (up to age 25) fit the stereotype- when they’re learning about what life is all about.. but really? We all want alpha men with strong jaws and high testosterone levels? lol…

    IMO men and women want a lot of the same things- we ALL want to be with someone who makes us feel good. Maybe I’m an anomaly amongst women, but …how I feel around the guy is paramount to me. No, I don’t either want to be criticized, judged, second guessed, etc… I want to be around someone I feel okay with. That I feel good around.

    That’s pretty much it. It’s hard for me to imagine feeling good around an alpha male that I dont’connect with.. one whose company I don’t feel comfortable in.. etc. I don’t like passiivity particularly but nor do I like alpha dominant behaviour- it disconcerts me.  I have a lot of male friends who I have a little or a lot in common with- and sure that’s more of a non-issue with platonic friends. But with a partner.. bottom line is I want to feel good in their company. Not poked, prodded, or whatever.. just okay to be.

  11. 41
    Retro Man

    Evan you have done a great job in explaining something that is unexplainable in the world we now live in.  It is no secret that men and women are very different but even so their personalities, qualities and charectaristics are a perfect fit.  Women are the perfect compliment to a man meaning they naturally possess many of the qualities and abilities that a man lacks.  

    So in this perfect almost symbiotic relationship we have why do we get it so wrong?  It’s because the female has been forced to take on the role of the male in our society.  Some of it is the fault of men, some is the fault of woman and some is simply the need to survive in the crazy society that we have made for ourselves.  

    Men had started taking advantage of their dominant role by treating women as if their only value was in cooking, cleaning and sex.  Acting like masters of the universe and treating women as second class citizens.  Women on the other hand started to realize that they had power too.  They were extremely intelligent and they also had something men really wanted and desired so they began exploiting men on both fronts. Then society kicked in making things worse through both media and economic conditions.  Women’s lib turned into women’s equality turned into women are the same as men.

    So where are we now?  We find ourselves stuck in a society where there is NO distinction between women and men.  The qualities that men lack are no longer filled in and the qualities women lack are no longer cared for.

    As far as this article goes here is how I see things.  Ladies, Evan is 100% correct when he says it is about how you make a man “FEEL”.  I know some woman might be insulted by this because they think why should it be about him, what about my needs.  However, the fact is that if you make a man feel great about you and his relationship with you then he will be the best man he can possibly be.  The best husband or boyfriend he can possibly be.  It’s like a racehorse that has been fed well, trained well and completely taken care of.  Those are the horses that rise to the occasion and win.  Men are the same way.  

    With that being said, in order to make someone feel good you have to have deep respect for that person first.  If you are in a marriage or a relationship with a man that you do not have deep love and respect for then you need to fix it or move on.  Why do I say this so strongly?  Because you need to be in the position to WANT to make your mate feel good.  if you do not have the ability to make your man “feel” good about himself and about his relationship with you then he will never love you in the proper way.  He will never give you what you need in return as a woman.

    Even though personally I’m not very old my parents grew up in the 50’s.  In those days though things were far from perfect, men were men and women were women.  Ladies got treated like ladies.  If some tragedy were to strike men literally gave up their lives to save a woman.  They protected them, they opened doors for them, they ran to their defense if they needed help.  Men viewed women as beautiful and precious.  On the other hand women took care of their men and kept them happy and made them “feel” wonderful.  They stood by their mans side making him feel like he had their wife’s deep respect.

    Some women and some men will tell you its better now, but I for one don’t believe them.              

  12. 42

    WOW! those were some simply extraordinary comments! i actually didnt want them to end and way to go Evan! its so worth it being online when i come across simple master pieces that make it all worth while the read. Karl R and Retro man, were such interesting reads!

  13. 43
    Ana Serene

    RetroMan says it extremely well. However, just one thing. You say “the fact is that if you make a man feel great about you and his relationship with you then he will be the best man he can possibly be.” This is far from a matter of fact statement. Many, many, many good women are good girlfriends and wives but instead of being good boyfriends and husbands in return, they fall way short, taking their women for granted. Seen it and experienced it countless times. It’s a problem the world over.

  14. 44

    I am a man, was doing a research on other things and was lured into this webpage. I can only comment one thing though. The author is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

  15. 45

    well, I went through all the comments by readers… is what I say,…..I got married in 2007 to someone who thought he loved me…well our marriage was an arrange one, but we knew each other, as he is my second cousin as well… when I see the traits a woman should have to keep a man as per the blog, I have them all, more over i couldn’t pursue my education through masters, i had to leave my job so to give more time to my kids and husband….i am loving and caring….when he is home, i try to spend every single second of my minutes with him, and i do all of this because i truly love him and that i want to be him…..but what i get in return is the opposite…….when it comes to spending time together….he is not there, he prefers spending time overseas with his girlfriend who he is with for more than 4 years now when i was pregnant with our second child……so i don’t understand that what is there that i am lacking……i to be honest don’t believe in any of the crap said above in the blog….if it was for being nice, understanding….and everything possible….i should have been the loved wife, and he should have been thankful for me being in his life as mother of his two kids……which i am not

  16. 46

    Most men alpha beta whatever seem to want you to have a college degree and a job at the minimum.  The only thing they fear more than a fat girl is a poor one.  Poor = gold digger.

  17. 47

    I’m really happy that I found this blog. I was blindsided when my husband of 10 years left me for his pregnant assistant and the only complaint he shared with me was that I didn’t praise him enough and build him up. So I learned this lesson too late. So I now make sure to praise the guys I am with and dote on them. I am attractive, great in the kitchen and in bed. I own a business that does not require a lot of my time so I can totally put my man’s needs first. But I rarely get asked out and my relationships haven’t lasted more than 6 months. They never end badly. The guys are “just not that in to me” and I can’t figure out why. I’ve even vacationed as friends afterwards with two so it’s not that I’m unlikable so I just don’t get it. The worst was when I spent almost $800 getting ready for a dinner date with someone who I thought was a great guy and I had known for about a year professionally and he never showed up. So apparently making your guy feel special and providing for his needs is not the whole picture….

    1. 47.1

      Lisa, i feel bad for you. You seem like a good catch. It is also good that you do realize that men need praise. You are right though, that’s not the whole story. It’s actually part of one of the things that Evan said men need from us in order to fall in love with us. The two things are that a man wants to like what he sees. Then, more importantly, he wants a woman that makes him feel good when he is around her. That can be many things. He may feel good from praise. He may feel good if you cuddle with him. He may feel good if you take a genuine interest in what interests him. He may feel good when you make him something very good to eat, and bring him something to drink.

      I know many women who think they have to ration these things with a man. The thinking is that if he gets too much of it, he won’t try to please her. I think this is false reasoning. I think it also leads to too much rationing which will spell doom for the relationship. I think we should just pamper him, spoil him, and in general make him feel as good as we can. Then, if he gets lazy, simply bring it up using I messages. I don’t feel appreciated. I don’t feel like a priority. Not, “You don’t appreciate me.” I think most good men will take a few days and do a self survey, when she says she doesn’t feel appreciated. He might just come to you and ask what will make you feel appreciated. If he does, tell him. If he loves you enough to ask, then just tell him.

      1. 47.1.1
        Karmic Equation

        I agree with most of what you say, except this “I think we should just pamper him, spoil him, and in general make him feel as good as we can.”

        I would qualify that to give as much as you can without feeling resentful. And only give whatever you feel like giving as a “gift”, which means you should NOT “expect” tit-for-tat. Don’t keep score on the “giving”.

        Keep score on whether or not he treats you well (and not reciprocating a “gift” does NOT count as treating you badly). Is he honest with you? Does he treat you with kindness? Does he try to be tactful when he delivers news he knows you won’t like? Does he try to compromise with you instead of always demanding his own way? Is he reliable (says what he does, does what he says)?

        Most women keep the wrong score, imo. Men are NOT women with penises. They value different actions in their women than women value in men. Women need to understand equivalency when comparing his actions with hers. Not “exact”. It’s a whole lot easier to understand men when you understand equivalency between men’s values and women’s values.

        1. JennLee

          I agree with you. That’s what I was saying. Instead of treating men like show dogs, and making him jump through hoops, instead of acting as if if he won’t treat you right, instead of trying to manipulate him into treating you right, just treat him the best you can. If he does not treat you well in return, bring it to his attention. If he refuses to treat you well, move on to somebody who will. I think your are playing a losing game if you think your best strategy is to ration love, approval, praise, affection, sex, etc…. I think it will negatively affect your relationship.

          The bright spot is that by doing so, you may make yourself irreplaceable in his life. He might not realize that right away, but if he loses you, and then doesn’t have that in his life, he may realize just how special you are.

        2. Karmic Equation

          I’m Asian, too, Jenn. But I’ve been Americanized, as I’ve been in the States since I was 6 🙂

          Not sure when you emigrated here, but I suspect you came here much older and much of what you say feels a little too “servile” to me.

          I agree we should make men feel good, but it should be because it makes US feel good to make them feel good. If one has the INTENTION to make him feel good ONLY to become indispensable, I believe that it puts her in a bad place. Because if no matter how much she gives he doesn’t view her as indispensable, she’s going to end up bitter at worst, disappointed at best.

          Please a man because it makes YOU feel good and not JUST TO please him. OR just to snag a relationship.

          If pleasing a man is a forced and focused effort, once he gives her the relationship, she’s bound to stop making that effort and the relationship is going to disintegrate.

          Give as much as she’s comfortable giving without feeling resentful. The trick is to give enough so that he recognizes her gift, but not so much that she in effect deifies him. Usually, if the woman is warm and trusting, this giving is effortless and very easily identified by him. Usually he’ll call her “sweet”. If “sweet” isn’t a term that a man has ever called her, odds are she’s hasn’t given enough for him to perceive her giving-ness (for lack of better word).

          I guess I’m saying women need to learn to be sweet to men. Doesn’t mean she can’t be honest. Doesn’t mean she can’t swear in front of him. Doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be herself. But if “being herself’ means she’s NOT sweet, then it’s going to be an uphill battle for her to find a healthy, happy relationship with a quality man. I wonder if there are books to teach women how to become sweet as there are books for men to become PUAs.

    2. 47.2
      Karmic Equation

      Read “Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherri Argov. It sounds to me you went from unappreciative to doormat, when you need to be somewhere in between.

      You need to get bitchier—in the Argov context, not in the colloquial definition.

      Good luck.

  18. 48

    I simply want a woman who shows sincere devotion to me. She should also be a shoulder I can lean on in rough times. Most women in my part of the world have this caveman era mentality of men as being the strong hunter to bring home loads of meat, chase away intruders to make her feel safe. In real sense, those women just hide behind their inadequacies brought upon themselves by their needless father worship and want to transfer such burdens on their husbands or boyfriends.

  19. 49

    I simply want a woman who shows sincere interest and devotion to me. She should also be a shoulder I can lean on in rough times. Most women in my part of the world have this caveman era mentality of men as being the strong hunter to bring home loads of meat, chase away intruders to make her feel safe. In real sense, those women just hide behind their inadequacies brought upon themselves by their needless father worship and want to transfer such burdens on their husbands or boyfriends.

  20. 50

    This article is so spot on! Every word is perfect. This is why I keep coming back and even bought your book. Evan- you are really good at what you do (even though there is a point or two about which I disagree). Thanks for the blog. It’s good for 50 year old men too.

  21. 51

    Come on now. Some women do ALL these things – exhibit the characteristics of the perfect GF while the guy exhibits all the characteristics of the perfect BF and still…POOF, he disappears. But pretending this is usually the reason I will add this: I believe women are at much more of a disadvantage when it comes to dating, I mean, imagine the heavy weight of being responsible for how a man “feels” about himself, thats a big undertaking that makes you scared to say or do the wrong thing that will somehow leave a man feeling unappreciated or unloved. The very same things he could say or do to a woman who would not take it so personally. I heard over and over again when I was married how my ex felt “unappreciated” and still to this day I have no idea what I was supposed to say or do to make him feel good about himself. I don’t ever want to be responsible for how a man feels about himself. I get my own self esteem from mySELF. If men can’t do that women are screwed.

  22. 52

    I am Robert Jones and I approve this message. Thank you Evan for telling it like it is.

  23. 53

    This whole thing about being the ideal women is bullshit, be an individual find the puzzle peice that fits into yours. Everyone is different. Also the whole thing about men want someone who makes them feel good, women want the same exact thing.You shouldn’t change yourself for a guy, you should change yourself to become an over all better and happier person. If you don’t meet someone’s expectations then there’s someone out there whose expectation you do meet. Relationships all are about leaning to accept someone’s flaws and embracing their strengths. If you try to fit a mold for a guy all it will make you is unhappy and like you have a fake connection with someone.

  24. 54

    Thanks for this. I’ve found some points for self-improvement. One is that my default mode is often stressed/anxious, although I’m generally happy as well. Even if I don’t verbalize it, perhaps it shows. I will work on that. Another is that when I’m attracted to a guy, I tend to refrain from asking him any questions about himself. I’m thinking it’s because I’m not ready to appear interested and don’t want to show my hand. For some reasom I feel very vulnerable when asking a man I’m interested in about himself. I’d rather let him ask about me. I guess I could step out of my comfort zone.

    The biggest thing for me right now is trust. Normally I trust easily. I’m not the kind of girlfriend to look through my boyfriend’s phone, for example. But in the past two months alone, THREE men have asked for my number… two were engaged and one was married. Two of them lied to my face and led me to believe they were single. Google saved me before I developed feelings for them, but it still hurts that this keeps happening. Trust has to be earned to some degree. Not sure how to fix that one, other than to avoid men in the military. I’d like to believe they don’t all cheat, though.

  25. 55

    This may get you to the alter but it won’t keep you married. Over time him wanting to feel good becomes him wanting to be dominant and feel superior and right and in control. Some people like me were just not made for that.
    I for one got sick of men talking out of both sides of their mouths. If I work hard to take care of myself and not have to rely on anyone I’m an angry feminist and denying Mother Nature. If I invest instead in being the pretty good girl men say they want and I do want the traditional home life then I’m entitled and I’m trying to trap a man. F$&@ it, I’ll rely on myself, thank you.

  26. 56

    Unfortunately men and women are not as different as people want to think. If you are a strong, charasmatic, independent lady, guess what, you want a partner that appreciates your intelligence and the pratical things you bring to the relationship (I.e. financial stability, resilience , etc) . You dont want people to say: well thats great, but no one cares about that.  Imagine you told alpha-dog man that- like great work buddy, but women dont value any of that, they want you to grovel like the world depended on them.

    I say, alpha women start dating teachers, councelors and trainers ect. Someone who can be happy when she get home from a  hard day at work. And someone who actually appreciates all that she is. And then she can actually be happy, and appreciate what the guy is bringjng to.the table (care, support, attention) . As a alpha woman Id rather bring the financial stability to the table, its 2015. Women are eqaul, why are we still forcing things into the 1950s situation.

    Unfortunatel  2 alpha dogs dont work well. We bring the same thing to the table.   Forcing a alpha dog (female) to somehow also posses the qaulities of a beta dog, will just overwhelm this woman. The same way it would overwhelm a man.

  27. 57

    Simply put: if he feels GOOD about hanging around with you, he’s going to want to hang around with you forever. But if you think that he’s going to be drawn to you for your ACCOMPLISHMENTS – your degree, your job, your home, your impressive hobbies – you’re really missing something fundamental to men. 

    Is this supposed to be a special requirement of men? A woman wants to feel good about hanging around with her man. Can you imagine a woman who is drawn to a man for his accomplishments–his degree, his job, his home, his impressive hobbies–but how he makes her feel when she is with him is irrelevant? I can’t.
    “In general, women want men to be leaders. They want someone tall, masculine, intelligent, and decisive. They want him to be a passionate captain of industry –  a man who can hold a room with his charisma, tell a story that makes your sides split, and can bring home the bacon as well.That alpha male is very attractive and most women are attracted to him.”
    Huge assumption in the statement above. I value that a man makes me feel like his queen, that he’s my best friend, that we can talk about anything, that we matter to each other, that we are a team. If we have money issues, we handle it together. As a teenager maybe I would have agreed, but as an experienced woman, I chose my mate because I actually LIKE him as a person, not because  of any of the above qualities. In short, I chose him because of how I feel when I am with him.

  28. 58

    What men value in women is two things , youth and beauty. This is because it strokes his ego and makes him feel like ‘the man’

    They see no value in a woman’s intelligence , compassion, inner strength , kindness or anything else once she is past a certain age or if she doesn’t also meet the narrow rules of what’s considered attractive

    it’s very sad but very true

  29. 59

    Er..  Yes:  People are drawn to other people by how they feel around that person..   That includes women.   No we haven’t missed this…   It’s just we have all the same needs.   Why are you making men a special case?  It is not woman’s function on the planet to serve guys..   Wake  up to the fact that women are also human and appreciate being recognised as equal friends and partners.  ..  and do please stop putting patronising instructions like this on public platforms.. Cheers..

  30. 60

    I tried this and the guys I ended up talking to/meeting treated me like I was an idiot. I was so pissed off! I don’t completely hide my brains! I sent beautifully written texts. When we talked on the phone I was eloquent and witty, but I didn’t roll out my resume, or brag about my accomplishments. What’s the deal? Can’t these guys pick up on my smarts?

    I’ve blown so many possible relationships by talking about my experiences. But when I just focus on the guy, they seem to think I’m just some dumb girl!

    1. 60.1
      Karmic Equation


      Sometimes it’s not the words, but the delivery.

      If you provide some examples of how you talk about your experiences to men or the texts you send, that would be a good start to eliminate content as the issue.

      1. 60.1.1

        I think it is my delivery. I can’t find the middle ground between job applicant and girlfriend candidate, or I haven’t yet.

        1. Karmic Equation

          Talk to a guy you like the same way you talk a good friend.

          Don’t think of him as a guy you like. Just think of him as a person you’re trying to get to know better. And let the conversation flow from that place rather than from a self-conscious place, like “Am I making the right impression?”


          That might help with the delivery.

          Good luck 🙂

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