(Video) The 8 Things Your Boyfriend Must Do To Be Your Boyfriend


A quick but powerful video today. Not my strongest performance, as my delightful former client, Carol, handed me this list during my presentation to remind me to say this. She said she keeps it on her fridge. I would suggest that you do, too. A tattoo would probably be a bit too strong of a message. Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.


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  1. 1

    Don’t agree with the phoning or texting everyday. If a woman wanted that from me it would be a deal breaker, when we are not together, unless something comes up, I like my private time. So does my current girlfriend.

  2. 2

    Marc, did you write this or did she?

    Because normally you’re right on 100%, but putting a stated declaration of love on par with a declaration of monogamy in thinking of someone as “your boyfriend” is just wrong.

    On the must-talk-every-day thing: I wish this wasn’t so, because it can be wearying for a lot of us, but women DO expect it. Fortunately, they handle the vast majority of daily-calling initiative. But there comes a point when every guy on earth will tune out – women have the responsibility to know their men and not drag things on past this point.

    Of course for guys, we tend to rely on the Seinfeld Standard to determine whether she’s our girlfriend. (See the episode “The Virgin.”)

  3. 3

    Don’t ever make someone a priority for whom you are only an option. Reciprocity.

  4. 4

    Interesting. Now that I am older, I think that hearing from a future 😉 boyfriend every single day via text or a call isn’t something I would want. I would like a little space, even if it’s just a day or two off from each other. I also do not believe that a boyfriend has to be saying he loves me to really be into me. Geesh ~ what if I don’t love him? And sex on a regular basis? Well, that’s probably his definition of a girlfriend. 😉
    I think there was a time in my life where all I wanted was to just melt into the life and soul of a man, but I feel more emotionally independent now. I still hope to someday have a great relationship, yet I know I will never need a man in the same way as I once did.

  5. 5

    The guys who called me everyday were the ones who wanted to be my boyfriend. The ones that only called a couple times during the week to make a date for the weekend just wanted something casual. Pretty simple really.

  6. 6

    These 8 things are steps along a continuum to a man’s becoming a woman’s boyfriend. They happen gradually, over a period of time. The question is, at what stage in a relationship should these things be occurring? I’m sure it varies for different people at different stages in their lives. For example, some people, as Diana and Ian stated, may not feel the need to hear from their partner, EVERY single day. But for most of us, ALMOST every day would be important.

  7. 7

    I love Katherine’s comment (#3)!

  8. 8

    Hmmmmm…. if I don’t see my boyfriend, he calls me — and not because he thinks I expect it. In fact, I have never told him to call me; he does it because he wants to hear my voice. He tells me he loves me and he talks about the future. I am ready for this relationship so I don’t feel like he is “invading” my space or suffocating me, and I gotta tell you, after dating some of these other jerks, he is a breath of fresh air. I expect he will marry me someday… 🙂

  9. 10

    Yay, my boyfriend has passed all your 8 points!! Hurrah!

  10. 11

    I  believe being with  a man  physically is much more important than having to receive his calls/text everyday. Of course, I do love to receive his calls/text regularly.
    I’ve been in a relationship with a guy who text/call everyday but he hardly has time to  see me.
    I think planning dates takes a lot much work & effort for the man cos they are working hard to make his woman happy.

  11. 12

    awww I love you guys <3
    I'm gonna favourite this website and learn something good. I'm sick of being single and want to meet an awesome man.

  12. 13

    Yep I am the Carol. Well I moved it to my desk. And if you are really looking for a relationship and you aren’t comfortable talking or texting to someone every day you would have an issue if you lived together or wanted to be married. If you don’t want to talk to that person everyday, you aren’t that into them either!
    The couple of relationships I have been in that list had all checkmarks! And I did get the list from Evan!

  13. 14

    “I think that hearing from a future 🙂   boyfriend every single day via text or a call isn’t something I would want. I would like a little space, even if it’s just a day or two off from each other.”
    Yes.   We ladies too have things to do and departments to run.   (Not to speak of, all purported advancements in equal rights aside, the heavy majority of the housework.   Still. And the childcare, if we have them.    And don’t get me started on the “beauty shift”.)
    I think Katherine @3 has it right.   Every couple has a different comfort level, but it’s all about reciprocity at the end of the day.
    @Diana – way to think positive. 🙂

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