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Even though I bill myself as a dating coach for “smart, strong, successful women”, I still maintain a few male clients.
I enjoy working with guys because, when they’re motivated, they’re hardworking and highly coachable. Plus, the men who gravitate towards me are usually “nice guys” who just need a little bit of an edge to succeed wildly with women.
In other words, most of my men are the one you should be dating in real life — the kind that are open to learning and growth and are willing to spend thousands of dollars to learn how to better connect with women.
The guy who called me today is completely different — and I had such an interesting phone call with him that I wanted to share it with you.
“James” tells me that he’s 30 years old, living in Seattle, working in IT. He sounds like a bright guy. A little angry, perhaps, but I’m used to getting clients who aren’t too happy with the fact that they’re reaching out to a dating coach.
James tells me that after focusing on his career for most of his 20’s, he’s been dating intently for the past year.
And it’s been TERRIBLE.
There isn’t a woman in the world who’d enjoy going out with a man who believes that ALL women are fickle and unfair.
It seems that whenever he goes out with women, they’re all so SHALLOW.
They never want to TAKE THE TIME to get to know him as a human being.
They’re all looking for magical CHEMISTRY and trying to figure out within 5 minutes whether he’s their SOULMATE.
The women he wants IGNORE him online, DON’T RETURN his calls after dates, and generally seem to want the PERFECT man.
As a result, James HATES dating.
Now, between you and me, it doesn’t take a dating coach to diagnose what ails James. There isn’t a woman in the world who’d enjoy going out with a man who believes that ALL women are fickle and unfair.
Still, I sympathized with James on the phone. After all, this IS his dating experience. It’s real, not imagined. And it’s normal to feel frustration when you can’t solve a problem.
I asked James what he thought that I could do for him. He mumbled something about helping him meet women who were different than the women he’s been dating.
I couldn’t hold back any longer.
“I hate to tell you, my friend, but the problem isn’t with all the women in Seattle. And dating coaching isn’t telling you where the “quality” women hang out. After 12 weeks of coaching with me, you know who’s going to be the same? Women in Seattle. As such, the ONLY thing we can do is change how YOU’RE approaching dating. Does that make sense?”
James paused for a second, gritted his teeth, and said, “I don’t want to change very much. The problem isn’t with me — it’s with THEM. WOMEN are the problem. I’m asking you to help me find better ones. Are you telling me you can’t do that?”
“What I’m telling you, James, is that you’re the common denominator in your life. And, logically, since I can’t change Seattle, or women, or Match.com, or anything else, the greatest shift is going to come in how you approach women, how you understand women, how you flirt with women, how you connect with women. But it’s about YOU learning, and YOU changing. That’s what yields the best, most long-lasting results.”
I can’t help someone who doesn’t truly want to understand, learn, and grow.
James and I aren’t going to be working together. And that’s fine by me. I can’t help someone who doesn’t truly want to understand, learn, and grow.
And the not-so-subtle reason I shared this story with you is to ask you to reflect on whether you have anything in common with James.
Do you think dating is TERRIBLE?
Are you frustrated that men don’t take the time to get to know you?
Do you get bent out of shape when men IGNORE you online, DON’T FOLLOW UP after dates, and generally seem to want the PERFECT woman?
Do you think that, if only MEN changed, you’d be in a happy relationship by now?
If so, I hate to tell you, YOU are the one who needs to adjust. Just like James.
You’re not “wrong” that men could improve in 100 different ways. You’re mistaken in thinking that men are going to improve. Your job isn’t to CHANGE men.
It’s to become the kind of woman who UNDERSTANDS men, ATTRACTS men, KEEPS men happy, and CHOOSES good men. This is the key to a successful relationship.
And no, it’s no different than how James needs to learn to attract, understand, and connect with women in order to keep them happy. Until he does, all he’s going to do is complain about YOU, and how unfair you are to him.
In reading my blog, subscribing to my newsletter and joining one of my coaching programs, you have a chance to learn something that will change your life.
The question isn’t whether this information can make a difference.
The question is whether you are going to be like James and continue to blame the opposite sex for everything.
Evan, how about a corny analogy here:
It sounds like enrolling in dating coaching is a lot like learning to play an instrument. And it SHOULD be that way. You find someone who is a good teacher (good coach) and learn techniques to make you a better musician. If it’s playing scales, learning tricks to speed-read music, etc., you do it and trust that it will make you more skilled.
The difference between music lessons and dating lessons seems to be that people take the latter too personally, like this guy James. “What? There’s something wrong with me?” And it shouldn’t be that way. It’s not something wrong with you. You don’t think there’s something wrong with you if you don’t know how to play the Mozart Clarinet Concerto right off the bat. And so it should be with learning how to be effective in relationships.
Maybe part of the problem is not just that people take it very personally, but they also hear a lot of sketchy advice along the way because everyone thinks they’re experts at relationships – heck, even if they’ve never been in one. So those who seek advice don’t know whom to trust. It’s different with music. No one would attempt to be a clarinet teacher if they couldn’t play clarinet themselves.
Evan, I can understand why every once in a while you may feel as though you’re swimming against the current. Taking advice too personally and a history of hearing both good and bad advice may be two reasons.
Sound advice. I like this! It makes sense because this is what happens in real life. Let me even expand a bit. The problem isn’t in dating ideals, but in role ideals, The woman who wants career equality and fairness is the one who will suffer the most because she seems most outside the acceptable modicum for a working/successful relationship until she is impregnated with a child. It isn’t fair, but that is reality. It will take another 60 – 80 years to accept this reality but it WILL happen!
That’s because it is personal. When an otherwise good man is rejected by a woman she’s saying to him that she doesn’t think he’s fit to reproduce, it’s the ultimate insult. The more a man develops a more fish in the sea mindset the more likely he is to become a player, and then the women who get screwed by him and others like him eventually come to evan and pay him money to try to learn how to scrape the bottom of the barrel for men who haven’t learned their lesson yet. They never have any semblance of chemistry with each other because he’s dim to the point that he even in his advanced age doesn’t realize that he’s a dupe, and the woman in front of him is choosing him as a last resort, a backup plan that falls just short of cat lady life. I’m sorry if you think this sounds angry or hostile or whatever you wanna label it as, but this is a very common and very recurring pattern in women. Evan should be marketing his business to woman in their early 20s so they can find a quality partner as early as possible and get the fuck out of the dating circus once and for all. Lets hear about how long the relationships he’s helped people get together last, if they have a longer shelf life than a few years, and if they’re anything more than relationships of convenience where they grow fat together in their twilight years.
Generally women in their 20’s/30’s are absolutely terrible. Rude, terrible, money hungry beings..
Haha! Women in Seattle ARE terrible. I’ve lived here 16 years and that’s not changing. What James needs to do is what I did: play the Seattle game on ITS turf. He needs to get involved in the outdoors scene (me: skiing and mountain biking). Sadly, these are largely male-dominated pursuits. But in the end, he’ll feel better about himself, prioritize his needs instead of prostrating himself in front of a very fickle and dull Seattle dating scene, and make a ton of new friends who are active and fun…and know women who are active and fun.
I go on 3-4 dates a week with women I meet all over town. Granted, these women are awful (any combination of boring, judgmental, too mannish, drink too much, don’t drink at all, not very well read, rude, late, etc.) But I never give up and I go into each date hoping to be surprised.
What do YOU mean by ‘too mannish’? Ive heard in my life a few women refer to themselves in this way. I’d always thought that they’d seen themselves in this way as a result of comparing themselves to other women. I’d never heard it from a man. Could you describe what you mean by ‘too mannish’?
A way I look at it is that they either:
Try to actively fulfill traditionally male roles either in an attempt to prove they are “equal” — these are the female chauvinist pigs, OR
Try to become their ideal mate via ambition, toughness, independence, and leadership, instead of trying to become a complement to their ideal mate through supportiveness, sweetness, engagement, and (obviously selective) submission. I don’t even have anything at all against these women, they just aren’t good matches for the men they tend to want. Two ambitious people make one bad couple.
It’s a big thing in big city nowadays. Oh, well. There are plenty of women who aren’t like that, you just have to cast a wider net.
Define “traditionally male roles”, please.
Wow I love this James. You expressed everything I feel about some of these women.
James, you are stuck in the past male interpretation of what is feminine and masculine. You DO have something against these women. You are not open minded enough to actually try to see life from a perspective not your own. Guys want women to understand their perspective and I know a lot of women who that, mostly married women. I agree with you that you are going to run into a lot of shallow women but, remember, there are good women meeting a lot of shallow men. Your perspective, imho, is shallow because you want a woman satellite who revolves around you and support you, is sweet and engaging and obviously (not selective) submissive. Women can be just on guard in dating as men not wanting to be vulnerable. ALL men and women are vulnerable. Dont’ you know that? I think you’re stuck in a unworkable past definition of male/female good relationships. You want one to be dominant and the other submissive. Sure, that works. Look at the military. Works everyday. Men need to learn to help themselves to overcome their desire to be the boss and think it’s their inherent right because they were born male.
“Two ambitious peoplecmake one bad couple.”
That’s profound man. Personally, though, I am highly unambitious when it comes to material wealth. I am academically ambitious, but in the absent minded professor sort of way.
I could lay in a park with a book and music for hours and type papers, but you probably won’t see me express much interest in trying for an MBA or going to work doing some kind of sales or whatever.
I honestly think this is my biggest hurdle. It’s my natural personality which is very type-b. In fact, I’ve considered moving to Tulum, Mexico after graduating and getting a small place on the beach to live a simple life with less work and less material things.
The majority of women I meet in California are not really down with this sort of lifestyle.
Our culture is rife with this. One can see it on the street any time of day: women wearing mens clothing styles that do not accentuate the female aspects, tattoos all over about how tough they are, loud, obnoxious (although these are not “male traits” many women think they are), short hair styled in traditionally male styles. riding motorcycles, overly confrontational, wearing strap ons etc.
It is a national past time for US women to constantly prove they are like men, yet we shame men for being feminine.
Look at this way; if the poster had said about a man “too feminine”
you would probably know what he meant. But because we have so obfuscated and blurred the lines between men and women in only ONE DIRECTION, the feminist direction, we automatically act like we don’t know what a woman acting like a man is. We know what it is as our culture is permeated by it.
The short hair style isn’t about being mannish, it’s about thinning hair. Or trying to manage really thick hair. Trust me, you don’t want to see all women trying to grow long hair.
I agree modern society hates women and thus femininity is an insult. This is why the women who act like men are doing it. This is why women shy away from traditional female roles.
hes not talking about women in “Seattle” lolI’m a woman from the east coast who lived in Seattle for 15 years..
I concur with James..the women ARE shallow.
Seattle is the pits. It’s the end of universe for the sad sack men and women of North America. The best solution is to move. By mannish women, you’re talking about all of those hippie or pink hatters that wear frumpy clothes, let themselves get fat and grow that nasty unsightly hair on their legs and under their arms, right?
You date 3 to 4 times a week and the women are “all” terrible? WHAT? REALLY! Why do you bother?
And so because a woman “doesn’t drink”, you consider her non datable???
Sounds like the women are NOT the problem. Kind of like James issues in blog!
dunno, but, although I’m not too enamored with the pickins where I live either, I reluctantly have to admit to myself, “Wherever you go, there you are.” and I think that, in a nutshell, is what Evan is saying in this post.
It’s a huge waste of energy to try and put a whole demographic into a box. The best approach I have found is to look at each date, no matter who it is, or how long it’s going on, as another opportunity to learn more about myself and better ways of relating.
Seems to me that lots of people are looking for some kind of magic pill, but the truth is that once you even get into the relationship, there are always going to be conflicts, and we never stop learning and growing.
I think that’s exciting!
The journey and the destination are one and the same!
James is the commom denominator in all of this. He needs to take some responsiblity for his part in his past, failed relationships. Sadly, I have met too many men like James in my life, one not too long ago.
Nothing turns me off more, than a man who group all women together and don’t appreciate me as an indivdual.
This comment is absolutely perfect. These guys are sort of complaining about all women in general, stereotyping them, and that’s why I personally would act the way they’re moaning about. Because of he way they act.
Except you woll never know who James or anyone of these guys are when you meet them. When you do act like that, you only reinforce his thinking. Isn’t it just like a woman to lay the blame on the man these days anyways? This is why most of are seeing how suoerficial and entitled american woman are these days. Its impossibke to have an adult relationship with the women nowadays because most of you are children who never grow up. Anyways the men aren’t good enough for you ladies anyways. Enjoy your later years with the armada of cats you will hoard.
“Anyways the men aren’t good enough for you ladies anyways.”
Yup, you’re too mature for us. Can’t argue with that grown-up thinking.
Lol..pot calling the ketyle black. You are guilty are grouping all women together and acting immature yourself. If you have read ANYTHING Evan has written, he says that you and James accept these type of women. If you want to date someone different, then stop accepting these type and move on. Growing up might help too!
You sir are amazing!
“armada of cats”..hahaha….
There is a global agenda to divide men and women, so we will be weaker and easier to control. Men let society dictate there identity and women let society tell them a diamond ring is a symbol of love. We are all being played and blaming each other, it’s sad, that is why I am done with women. There is no point in a relationship built on selfish petty Bullshit,.
LMFAO I just spent an hour reading all the replies to Evans article and I havent laughed this hard in months. I have tears coming out of my eyes right now. The get your house in order comment about killed me, my side still hurts. Truth is both sides have been socially engineered to the point of disaster. Divorce is through the roof, men arent men anymore (including me) and women are running around with burger king hats on. The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he didnt exist. The easiest way to manipulate a person is through their emotions. Yes Eve was tricked first but Adam was seduced by the apple of his eye also. Love one another, men love your wives, women respect your husbands. Difficult to do unless you’re both living a God fearing life.
Lol who farted in the pool… LOL
And yet, ironically, he’s right. Do you not see what you’re doing? When someone brings up the fact that–in this particular critique–(American) women are superficial with a huge sense of entitlement, you react by saying that he has to get HIS act together, as if the entire problem rests with him. Well, guess what? That’s a very common perception among men these days. That’s a fact (i.e., a fact that this perception exists). How you choose to address this matter is up to you–but that perception is certainly out there. Stating that guys “have to get their act together” isn’t going to do any more good than guys stating that “women have to get their act together.” A perception exists–it’s there–it’s “reality”–and how you choose to deal with this reality will determine your own success or failure in the dating scene.
We need to just stop dating until we reach that age where everyone says “fuck it” – everyone has defects and who cares I just want someone to be with. Basically, once the hormones are mostly gone so like late 50s or 60s. In the meantime, we can focus on being productive towards humanity by working hard and building great things to live with.
But what about some women making hasty generalizations against men? For an example: “All men are the same.” I would go on with the list generalizations some women make towards men. But I think women should accept the fact that every individual is different from the other. I have never met the same personality whenever I meet someone. Someone said in the comments that if a woman acts shallow or superficial. In many ways, said woman acting superficial or shallow or does wrong does reinforce a man’s thinking on his initial opinion.
Detha, this post was meant to be introspective. Guys don’t want ambitious women, that’s our job. That’s why everybody is all pissed off. My gf works, but she doesn’t care about getting the next big raise she cares about the people around her, being caring and helpful. That is a huge turn on to me and in general to men, they say it but women deep down love a ppowerfull man, who can protect and feed her young.
Ew. That was disgusting.
To be honest I can understand what James is going through. You’re right men can’t go on blaming every little thing on women. But I do believe that there’s a large majority of women who don’t make it easy when it comes to dating and wanting to get to know someone. I mean the reality is is that there are a lot of women who standards are just ridiculously high as well men. So I don’t think James should take the full blame.
Detha: technically, James has no failed relationships, unless you call a few (bad) dates a relationship.
Smash #2
<<Women in Seattle ARE terrible.>> <<I go on 3-4 dates a week with women I meet all over town. Granted, these women are awful (any combination of boring, judgmental, too mannish, drink too much, don’t drink at all, not very well read, rude, late, etc.) >>
Why are you dating them then? 3-4 dates a week? Is that just about volume? Yes, some people are jerks, and some are nice enough, but we just don’t click with them. If you think a woman is too “mannish” why date her? Is it really that awful if someone doesn’t drink? Surely it can’t be that you know so little about every woman you date that each one turns out to be – surprise – an “awful”, “terrible” human being?
Im sorry to hear how society’s believes and prejudices has made itself broad to affect other people’s relationships. MANY months i have been observing relationships and i have always hated how how society always try to find something to blame and/or classify things when something doesn’t go their way. I feel that men don’t give women enough credit and the affect they impact their lives. Cooking for them when they don’t have too, paying the bills, handling financial debts and settlements and working. All these are great benefits of course but unfortunately, women are undermindedand and when they express their issues and attitude they are more known for being a bitch. Im sorry to see how people focus on the negative than the positive. On the contrary i still believe men themselves too are misfortunant. Many books are posted about understanding men and statement and questions like “how to find the right man”. I see many times men are treated like robots by women fulfilling specific roles for only themselves to them happy.But when a man goes off course its role they try to change the core. I disagree but agree with Steve Harveys book. I agree with it because it doesn’t mislead women to misguided men who pen women to walls after being used like trophies. I disagree it because it opens men to being used for financial in betterment and it makes women believe that they don’t have put forth effort in the relationship and doesn’t allow them to self reflect. Whats also sad is how women declare something “manish”. For example ” its a mans job to make the first move, to be the provider, to take care of the woman, and to pay for the meal”.Love is not made to be someone’s bitch!IT’s okay for women to make the first move, its okay to pay for the meal, its okay sometimes for a woman to be a provider.I know many will disagree with this comment just because none of this apply’s for them or because of the prejudices they hold themselves. However, this statement is not specifically about you, its sbout how society thinks about one another. Thank you for listening to my comment
I think the issue regarding the back and forth diaologue is a bit disjointed regarding what is happening. What men are complaining about ill try to label separately.
1.) general courtship and the initial date: men are having an issue with these women because they feel that the first initial date they have was a waste in both resources, time, etc because the women lack the ability to suppress their need to be instantly attracted to and impressed with the person they went on a date with. As some of the women put it, you cant blame the women because it is your fault that you are dating these women. The issue is that it is the initial date and they are not actually going on follow up dates with these women. So a man does NOT know that said person is a certain way upon initial courtship BEFORE they go on that first date. They don’t know what type of person they are on a date with and so that is what the date is for.
I think that is the mating paradox women collectively don’t get. By your logic, I agree men should collectively stop dating these type of women they are talking about. I also agree with your semi-assessment about it just being about volume but the paradox in the fact that women as a whole(the ones who frequent these post) don’t get that it is because of the female narrative and the bats hit crazy behavior that paint all women bad. In that regard the logical behavior would be to cut down said “dating by volume” which would have a corrolating effect of women getting less dates.
I think a good question would be to ask yourself is that is there a real issue with the way women act? Also another question would be to ask the men is where would be a good place to travel to date a different type of women?
I’ve been fighting the temptation all day to forward comment #2 to all my Seattle girlfriends… somehow I doubt that every woman in a large West Coast city is “any combination of boring, judgmental, too mannish, drink too much, don’t drink at all, not very well read, rude, late, etc.”
Don’t get me wrong, I live and date in a Midwestern city where most guys haven’t seen a book since high school… key word, though, is “most” guys, not all. After I moved to a different site, updated my profile, opened up to meeting guys who live 40+ miles from me, shorter guys, slightly older guys etc… fun, energetic, intellectuals suddenly came out of the woodwork 🙂
Goldie has the right idea. Intelligent, articulate women who are open-minded and seek out men based on their intellect are a breath of fresh air.
Goldie, I was told by a Seattle man I dated for 8 months that Seattle guys have turned into “metrosexual liberals.” They have no balls, wishy-washy and can’t close the deal with women (they don’t pursue or do the “man” stuff anymore). So I guess, I’m not sure about the causality though, Seattle woman becomes more mannish now to compensate this lack of drive of Seattle men.
And actually a friend on my FB, a Seattle woman, confirms this and complains about this also.
This shouldn’t have turned into a debate about the merits of Seattle. The god’s honest truth is that I changed the city to protect the identity of “James”. Which just reinforces the point that it’s not the city, it’s the individual who is at the root cause of the issue.
I also live in Seattle though, and I can also attest to women being pretty hard to please here. And please dont assume lack of results is due to a lack of efforts.
Dating is too complicated. I live near Washington DC. My way of coping with a lack of dates was to drive 60 miles north to Baltimore. They have numerous strip clubs where the girls are cute and friendly. I was nice to them and they were nice to me. Everyone wins. I have the time of my life.
Evan you really are sora clueless when it comes to the dating scene. I understand your audience is mostly woman but man do you have to so obviously cater to their needs? How about just plain truth as you see it? And if this is how you see it, then the power of observation isn’t strong at all with you.
If you read my post and you came away with the idea that I was the clueless one here – just for making the observation that sad guys who bitch about women are not going to do well with women – well, then you can return to a blog frequented by similar sad guys.
Wasn’t just that reply though. Your saying that since “james” is the common denominator. He is most likely the problem. How many single men have you polled and asked them why they are single? A vast majority sees how women today are and want nothing more to do with them. They are entitled, narcasstic, and only are looking for a man to serve their needs. They were never taught how to be givers before being a taker. Why do you think so many men say dating seems like a job interview these days? Lets also just ignore the fact (yes it is fact) that most American women today are obese. Contrary to feminist thinking, obese is not sexy. I know very few men who will choose the obese ladies over slim healthy looking women.
Sure men has their own problems, but that comes a lot due to the downfall of “patriarchy”. Men just dont know how to act like men anymore.
If you truly want to help your clients find a soulmate, well teach them how to be attractive and desireable to the primal instincts that most men have. You have it, deep down you too know what it is men want. The self serving, entitled, what can you do for me, is not the lady we are seeking.
Evan you are just one man giving women all sorts of advice with what men want. Your missing the point that there are a large and growing amount of men who think exactly like “james” and myself. Women have told us so long that they dont need us and now we are finally listening. This really is a huge social problem that so many around seem to be ignoring. Maybe you should invite a fesh point of view. I know seceral good candidates who can do thism Janet Bloomfield and Karen Straughen are both excellent choices. The man known as “sandman” in MGTOW circles is another. Maybe you should approach one of them for a fresh perspective.
Kpak, if you scour the 8 years of archives, I would think you would probably agree with 95% of what I wrote about “what men want”.
The thing that YOU don’t get is that we’re talking about a Venn Diagram here.
There’s what men want. There’s what women want. The point where those two circles overlap is where happy relationships lie.
You are very attuned to what men want, but either tone-deaf, indifferent, or incapable of giving women what THEY want.
But your focus is not on that – it’s on blaming women for their failure to give you what YOU want.
So while I could probably endorse what you want from women – to feel accepted, appreciated and admired – you need to understand that women don’t like weak men who have no confidence, angry men who blame women for the ills of the world, cheap men who keep score, selfish men who are only focused on their needs, insecure men who feel “less than” around other men, and men who think that the answer to being successful with women is to treat them poorly. In my limited experience, the MGOTWs of the world personify all of those qualities. THAT’s why you don’t do well with women; it’s not “women” as a whole.
Evan first off you have no idea how successful i am with women. You have no idea what type of man i am also. I am not cheap, i dont treat women poorly, i dont consider myself selfish. I also have plenty of dating opportunities now.
I will admit that i exuded many of the characteristic you said because i was frustrated with dating. I cant count how many times I’ve been “friend zoned”, or rejected in my 20’s. However since i realized the woman im looking for most likely doesn’t exist anymore, ive learned to adapt. You see im that “nice guy” who said fuck it and just did what i want. In my 20’s i thought very much like you. I’ve never been happier since i made my realization. Women no longer frustrate me because i don’t have the any expectations from them except the bedroom. I know in the end i will probably live my life alone but as a man i xan vope and thrive with it. Like you said, men deal with solitude better than woman.
So my choice to go MGTOW has beenthe best decision i made for my lifem a stark number or men are making this choice. As of 2012 25% of men 35 and under were never married. That number continues to rise.
Evan get ready, buisness is about to boom for you in the next few years. While i don’t agree with many of your articles (yes this isn’t the first one ive disagreed with). I respect how you set yourself up to take advantage of the enormous wave of single ladies who are hitting their 40’s and is still looking for that “special” someone. I just wish you would tell them the truth and not feminist lies and propoganda.
You couldn’t have written a better reply to reveal your blind spots, Kpak.
You think that you’ve got it all figured out with your red pill…but you don’t. Here’s how I know that.
You said you thought like me in your 20’s. Wrong. See, I always loved women. I may have been frustrated and single and went on a few hundred bad dates, but I never made such broad sweeping generalizations that denigrated an entire gender like you do.
You had a realization that removes expectations from women except outside the bedroom. You know what that leaves you, doesn’t it? Women as nothing more than sexual objects instead of cool, fun, supportive, loving partners. But yeah, you got it all figured out.
You know you’ll probably be alone and you’re cool with it because you’re a guy who can separate sex from love. Well, guess what: the best predictor of one’s happiness is a happy marriage. Longer lives, better health, less stress, fun, sex, companionship, family, everything. By “going your own way,” instead of learning to be a better man and choose better women, you’re opting out of all of that.
I didn’t get into this business as a means of following a trend. From 2003-2009, I was just a dating coach, open to working with women and men. But you know what? 80% of my clients were women. Why? Because they actually care to UNDERSTAND men. So why would I provide a service to a gender that was largely unable to look in the mirror or take responsibility for its flaws? Guys don’t want to understand women – they just say things like “How can I get laid” and “Why does she want to discuss our relationship?” This is why there are no relationship coaches for men; they would rather keep doing things wrong, but do it THEIR way.
And there you have it, Kpak. You’re doing it wrong, but you’re doing it YOUR way. Congratulations on your empty sex and your vitriol for women. I’m going to go into the kitchen and kiss my wife and kids.
I haven’t followed your blogs in the past Evan…so am unfamiliar with your work-but from reading your responses to your fellow commenters (i.e. kpak, who I don’t necessarily agree with) I wouldn’t be surprised that you are actually a women pretending to be a man, mainly because you talk and think in a feminine tone, I would say. Also you are broad brushing men as much as kpak is broad brushing women, in my opinion of course.
I would be very surprised to find out that I was a woman. As would my wife. And mom. And everyone who’s met me. And seen me in my videos.
kpak76, So, if “nice guys” such as yourself can’t bring back the 1950s, you’re going to join MGTOW, cry in your beer, blame feminism for all the world’s ills, and date only foreign women, right?
Going into the kitchen and kissing your wife is a super beta move. You need to alpha up on her or else she is going to treat you like a Herb and start banging Sancho while you are off making a living and providing for her.
You need to think about these things! Your wife already probably thinks you are kind of funny because you are always talking about all of this love and feelings junk. Real men don’t give a crap about love and feelings, they just want a BJ and a cold beer.
You need to make sure your house is in order bro! Man up!
Thank you for proving, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that no woman with any self-esteem would want you, and that you’d be a crappy husband.
Real men are ones who treat their wives well, are loyal, and give as much as they get, thus ensuring a happy marriage.
Your model is doomed for failure, because one person (your wife) will always feel unappreciated.
Leave the relationship advice to me and go pound your chest on a MGOTW blog.
I think this guy has never had a real relationship. Not one that lasted beyond a few dates. He has bought into the idea that the only way to keep a woman is to treat her like dirt. That is laughable. When you open the news paper and see those anniversary announcements, you can believe that all of them are men and women who treated their spouse with love, kindness, patience, and respect. Both also had to sacrifice to make this happen. But I believe that for them, it didn’t feel like a sacrifice. Maybe the man used to run with his buddies nearly every day. Well, you can’t have that and be married to. No woman is going to sit at home alone, making you sammiches. She may do it for a little while, but when she realizes that you just prefer the company of your friends, she is going to find a man who prefers her company. Don’t be mad when that happens, because it is your own crappy attitude that will cause it to happen.
Learn to strike the proper balance. If you have plans to spend some time with friends, and she makes a fuss that you have to mow the lawn first, you have three options, and only one is correct.
First, don’t get nasty and tell her, “Look, B___, I will get to it when I feel like it.” To harsh to be proper dialogue with somebody you are supposed to love.
Don’t be a wimp, and say, “Gee, OK, Honey, I will get right on that for you.” Too wishy-washy. No spine involved.
The power play is to say something like, “Look Honey, you are right, the yard needs mowed, and I see that. I will get to it in a day or tow, but right now, I have plans to hang out with my friends. Don’t worry, I’m not blowing you off, I will get to it as soon as I can. Just not right this moment.”
This is the best of both worlds. You show her in a loving way that you acknowledge her concern, and that this is important to you, but it also shows that you have a spine, and she does not run you, like a servant, or child. I am not saying you have to put her off every time she wants something. That would get old. But it is not a bad thing for her to see you stick up for yourself in a gentle way, occasionally, especially when appropriate. It is actually very attractive, and makes her feel safe with you. You are hitting on all cylinders with her by being strong, confident, gentle and kind, all at the same time. You don’t have to be perfect at this, you just have to try.
What you PUA’s don’t seem to understand is that it is possible to fool us for a short time. Yes, sometimes we fall for the PUA BS, but eventually, we see it for what it is, and we leave. Eventually we see the cold, callous behavior as just that. Not strong. Just cold and callous. Selfish. Then we leave.
Yip, guessing you’ve never had a relationship that lasted beyond a handful of dates or a few weeks. Guessing you are the kind of prince who likes to get a girl into bed and then never call her again.
That’s fine. Ride the wave as long as you can. At a certain point however it just looks sad and pathetic, especially when you’re 65, alone and still trying to pull this crap. Shame. I just feel really sorry for you.
Stizzy,
hahaha
You said it!
You will never have a wife, so no worries about that, right Evan?
Stizzy, Do you use your right or left hand?
That’s hysterical! With the name of the city changed, it certainly brings new light on the original comment from “Smash”. It other words, knock off the chips on your shoulders and try to become the best person you can be instead of acting like one entire sex owes you the perfect mate to put up with whatever you dish out. WOW!
woman are the gatekeepers, they can complain and complain, but ultimately is their own fault. females fail to realize the hold power. woman now more then ever won’t invest in a potential good man to be. they want everything now without putting any effort into it. how does a woman want a confident man when lost of guys get rejected 10/10 times, what do you think that does to a mans ego. men need validation from woman, all this behavior gave way to the creation of the player scene(PUA) and other dating methods for men. men only react to woman behavior and you can see that with all the men who identify them selves as feminists, female worshiping , all the ladies that have 10k male fans in social media. times are indeed changing . i can say men are losing their masculinity because we as society are progressing, men are becoming more domesticated, and men’s need for female validation is a nonstop drug. Men need to curve this and should stop giving a shit. yes you dude stop giving them what they want or need. get a hobby and get of your comfort zone. giving 5% of your mind and time to woman is way too much. believe me eventually they will come to you without much effort from your part.
Geez, James, talk about lumping women altogether.
I’ll admit that a lot — A LOT — of women are a pain in the ass (shallow, spoiled, picky, lazy…), but not all of them are the same.
After 15 years of no sex, I found out that women WONT come to me, but at this point, I really dont care! Thats what PORN is FOR!!
That’s the best reveal ever.
No, it doesn’t. It is showing provable data that women in America IN GENERAL have an attitude problem.
How many YouTube videos and websites tell everyone that dating is a numbers game? That men need to be more of what women want?
What are you teaching these guys? How to cowtow to a woman so she will accept him? That’s bullshit and you know it.
Woman want men to approach them. Women want men to be what the woman wants. Women want. Women want. Women want.
What happened to women being accountable? What happened to women having an open mind? What happened to women. Full stop.
I don’t know a single person that firstly, just is themselves (because America is currently hyper sexualized) because it’s the sex that women are after. Secondly when a woman says “I gave him a chance” she is matronizing the guy, meaning specifically that she thinks the guy is less than her from the start. Thirdly, why is it always about the woman? A successful team is made of two people who choose to be part of that team, not some guy trying to meet a unicorn in a crowd of sociopaths.
Change the name of the city to whatever you want. It shows that women everywhere have entitlement issues. They are taught that relationships are all about the woman. Men are just waking up to the notion that they matter too, in a relationship.
Men are past being tired of putting up with women who need a pass from PMS, or a bad day, or being berrated and they just have to understand it and take it. Because the notion of “all women are crazy” is stupid. Women act like brats because they know they can get away with it. Full stop.
We are just tired of it. We watched our parents generation victimize each other and the women vindictively take out their anger on their former mate. It went from divorce and alimony to now all men are domestic abusers and rapists.
It gets old hearing it, reading it, and having it said to you because it is now the go-to of bad women. And there are a LOT – AS IN MAJORITY – of bad women now.
Because everyone tried to give women what “the women wanted”.
There is no cleaning up the mess. Relationships are based on sex for the most part and that has turned men into angry jerks. Because angry jerks are what is in Vogue right now. And good men have stopped being good. And if you help someone you did it because you only want sex and are a white knight. That’s the landscape. And people wonder how Trump got into the presidency.
America is broken. There is no fixing it. Because women won’t change and men can’t stop trying to have sex. The cycle is complete. The hope is gone. Women want the job, the house, the kids, the pets, the car, and for the man to do what she wants.
News Flash: Men aren’t robots or slaves who operate on the put sex into machine and work comes out people. Men want a nice woman who is happy with herself who doesn’t bitch at him constantly and will have mutual loving sex with him. Fucking all the time leads to sociopaths. They only want what they want and everyone else be damned.
I’m right and you know it. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Yeah, the “Seattle” guy has to change. That’s funny. Women as a whole need to know their worth and stop acting like they are more than that. It’s old, tiring, and dull.
*slow clap* for my main man!
Lol battle of the sexes at its best. Who will lose? The next generation.
Yes evan u was EXACTLY like you. I too thought women were always special and that i had to my best to impress them. Why? Because i too bought the feminist lies, hook line and sinker. I thought the way to win a girls heart was to impress them by doing everything i could for them. Basically i was a doormat for women when i was younger.
I know exactly what my choices has made me. A male equivalent to a slut. But since i actually have money now, women dont seem to care so forgive me for taking advantage. But really this isn’t about my personal experiences now is it.
All that is a myth. Your quoting studies from our grandparent age and thinking it applies today it doesn’t. Truth is we dont know because the mass amount of the singles generation has not hit the elderly age. But current studies suggest that marriend men are far more stressed than single men. Why? Because they married a princess who stresses them out.
I have met very few woman who truly understands what women want. Loyalty, respect, purity, not using sex as a weapon to get what she wants, and knows how to take care of herself for her husband. You’re obviously are meeting a certain type of women in your career because they are the ones who want to do something about be uhh ng single. What you’re not exposing yourself to is the other population if women out there who aren’t like this.
Ah yes, im getting judged by a mangina (yup judging you right back) Hope your wife doesn’t take you to the cleaners like most woman will nowadays. Even with your jaded view and hate you display for things you dont understand, i would hate for tou to go throughthat nightmare. Heres to hoping you are among the 40%.
I habe yet to see you poke any holes in my argument.
Katrina, you say that men aren’t mannish anymore, and that men don’t peruse anymore than what they use to. So, are you saying that there is a lack of real men? I think you need self reflection. I would only assume that a woman with as shallow thinking as yourself would have a difficult time finding a really good guy. There are just about as many good and real women out in the dating scene as there are real men. Women have a sense of self entitlement that goes far beyond their ego. Not all women are like this, but most are. This is why men in general have such difficult times in finding good women, because most of the women who are relationship worthy are never single, and that’s unfortunate for men. Men shouldn’t be portrayed as entertainers who has the sole duty of making a women happy at any cost, while the woman only provides sex as collateral – why can’t women think outside their self entitles ego and pursue a man if she likes him? Or why can’t most women do what they can do to please a man? – apart from giving him sex once a month? Good men want a woman who can make a man feel special – but with feminism and self entitlement issues woman have, there will never be any real supply of good women. No decent guy in his right mind would want to be with shallow women. There are some women here who completely put the blame on men, and that the fact that some men who can’t find relationships with a women is because of them. Is it possible that the problem could be that a lot of women who are single and in the dating game, are just out right shallow, fickle, liars and complete users, and or gold diggers? Yes men can be the same as well, but more women have these bad qualities than do men. I don’t hear any women admitting that these are major problems that they have when it comes to dating, on the contrary, they just blame men to cover the fact that most of of these women are just outright arseholes – the only difference is that some are nicer than others. I think self reflection needs to happen on both sides, but more so for women. SO STOP BLAMING THE GOOD GUYS! IT”S HALF A WOMAN”S FAULT IF SHE BRUSHES ONE OFF!!
You classify yourself as “a good guy”? From what you’ve written I don’t see the attributes that are in the category of “a good guy”. I infer the quality you pit on women that you hate: entitlement. I also see as clear as neon orange much bitterness towards women. You’ve also put us in very negative categories to the effect that we women are just worthless and € ¥nts I guess! You’re last paragraph is laughable. It’s half our faults for brushing off the good guys eh? It’s the “good guys” (self ascribed, but not that way in fact) who dismiss women who are average looking or even homely. She can have so much else in her favor going on but is dismissed if she’s not “hot” or pretty, or trophy material. I’ve had my fill of 16 years of men dismissing me and other women like this because they only want trophy material. Men like this, more often than not, are losers in every way. Yet they think they deserve what is actually unattainable to them. It’s those men who are a cosmic joke.
If you on a dating site looking for answers get off said site and do these two things look in the mirror and know your faults, not what you think is good about you, those faults are your hindrance when it comes to successful relationships . Number two recognize that there are no relationship experts..! They are only hustlers cashing in on your ingnorance if you have never been in a successful relationship that’s a you problem so stop whining and fix it
God forbid you may have to do something Katarina. God forbid you may have to step up to the plate and step outside of gender roles and societal norms.
My ex boyfriend was a self proclaimed asshole who wouldn’t change for anyone and he told me this personally. He could get a girl, his problem was KEEPING a girl and his relationships only 2-3 months. I guess they all thought they could change him and got mad when they couldn’t wrap him around their little finger. I never tried to change him and certainly didn’t want him wrapped around my little finger! After him and I broke up, I cried for a few days and never wanted to date again! But then I felt like that would be letting him win. He was definitely a “lesson” and taught me not to settle for any guy treating me the way he did!! I’ve been talking to a great guy that I was talking to before him and I started dating and after my ex and I had been broken up for a few months, (I made sure I was totally over him before pursuing anything with this guy) we’ve been getting closer but are taking it slow. We have alot of the same beliefs about family, relationships, what we want out of life, what we like to do and all and it’s great to finally meet a man who actually respects women! He told me how he used to treat women and how he had to change his way of thinking, so it can be done, but only IF the guy wants to change. My ex didn’t want to and that’s fine because him walking away let me find someone who was right for me. 😉
I am not wishy washy liberal. I’m pursuing success and I love women. But I find pursuing women rather than success backfires. I am labelled a creep or desperate or needy. but I have to pursue in a special way that has to be learned or taught, at least until I get one in the kity (and really I’m only seeking one good one). And closing the deal- ha, I don’t want to be accused of not being able to close the deal. But it may be true. Anyway its all perspective. Life is all perspective. And since women are the buyer (as well as the seller), their perspective matters to me, the seller (and the buyer). I’m a kind of guy who is often hyperaware (i.e. need to relax, tune in, get in touch with pop culture), but I dress nice, am smart, tall, fit, so Doc Love says don’t rush headlong into rejection. I’ve done that 1000 times. Be more cary grant. I think this is true. But I will close the deal when I get an opportunity. I’ll try create an opportunity pro-actively. But ahh life is actually quite orderly, and it makes sense, and is logical- except for dating, which is the opposite of everything else in human life. HELP! I’m willing to work and change. Boy-girl theory from Winning Through Intimidation. Want the other less. Be a challenge- Doc Love. Don’t give a sh-t or f-ck about what others ting. Be more edgy break the rules, but at the same time don’t be a racist or holocaust denier. Point is the reason I probably can’t pursue or close the deal is not because of lack of balls- I’ve done many courageous bally things in relation to women and I’m not shy to ask out, but because my mind realizes so often their Interest Level is low- under 51, and I’m the kind of guy that is willing to take risks but I don’t want to always invest a lot of time and energy trying to raise someone’s interest level from 51 to 99 if it’s only at 51 percent, because it might take a lot of energy, and I could put that into career. But I know I need help, I’m getting older, getting grayer, but I actually prefer listening to women. I prefer when they open, and get vulnerable around me and talkative. I don’t like being the talker. Not that I want to be a friendly beta empath. I want them to talk but in a way that they’d talk to their dear hubby or whatever. And I’ll just listen and not tr to fix, and maybe I’ll smile or smirk. Bottom line, I may need to get more in touch with society and culture (my roomate said girl will think I’m weird if I don’t know who miley cyrus or janes addiction is-wtf) and I need to be more successful in life and grow my passions- and I am on that path or journey, and I need to be willing to give out energy, but bottom line factor says I’m just not making girls interested enough or raising their interest level. Or if I am, they are not flexible givers, but structured takers. Cause I closed the deal in the river the other day- yeah had sex in a river with a stranger to end a year long drought. But anyway Interest Level
I wouldn’t waste any time with Doc Love. He tells men to be mysterious and a challenge, which to me, just seems to mean difficult and evasive.
Only pursue women who show high interest to begin with. Don’t play his silly numbers game, just read cues of interest. Is she physcially affectionate with you ? (not sex at first sight affectionate, but does she RESPOND to your touches, kisses and hugs) Are her facial expressions happy and excited ? What about her voice. Does it bubble with enthusiasm ? Does she ask you questions about yourself ? When you tell her a little about you, does she have a “tell me more” attitude ? Or is she just waiting for “her turn to talk”. When you ask about her, is she willing to share a bit about herself ? Does she answer your calls when you call (or return them PROMPTLY if she honestly can’t answer them ?) Does she say “YES” when you ask her out ? If she honestly can’t make that date, does she tell you WHEN she IS available, without it having to be dragged out of her ?
I agree with the Doc on not chasing dis-interested women, and women who take and never give anything in return. He also doesn’t advise men to try and bed women at first sight.
But he also tells men to make the woman initiate ALL physical contact, to wait 10 days to call after first getting the phone #, and that ALL conversation about the relationship be female led, INCLUDING the marriage proposal. He also talks to his male writers in a very cosndescending tone, calling them “pal” and scolding them for any masculine acts, such as initiating a kiss or asking the woman to be exclusive, which he claims is the woman’s job.
If I have started off dis-interested in a man, I have rarely ever been moved to become interested. (I can only think of a one-off time where that happened) His relentless pursuit didn’t help, and in fact just made me feel uncomfortable, BUT acting cool and indifferent has NEVER made me start liking a guy I didn’t like to begin with.
However, I have STARTED out interested in a man, but quickly lose interest if I sense a lack of interest or any kind of “playing hard to get” BS on his end. I assume he’s not interested, so that’s the end of it, PERIOD. In most cases these men are truly dis-interested, but in a few cases, I have blown off men who I felt had blown me off, only to have them come back and try to game me some more. When I was in OLD, I had some men intitially contact me, only to try and get ME to ask them out, in fact, I found step by step instruction on a men’s site on tactics to get a girl to do the chasing, and I SWEAR, that article must have contained a direct link to my OLD profile.
My boyfriend of 9 months pursued me from day 1. I responded with excitement and and enthusiasm from day one. He has told me every step of the way, that he enjoys my playfulness (not as in playing games, but as in having fun ) and how affectionate I am. We are both in our 60’s, I guess we both figure life is to short to play games.
He is under 6 feet, no formal college degree, has gray and red hair, and is a man of modest means (as am I) but I find him to be sexy, exciting, intelligent, caring, loyal, generous, supportive, kind and my “dream piece” (No college degree or million dollar bankroll needed for any of those qualities) So either I am a unicorn, or these so called MGTOWs who claim that ALL women are gold diggers looking for a millionaire clone of George Clooney are full of it. Since most of my women friends are either with good -hearted men who don’t fit the 6 foot millionaire mode, or are just looking for a good hearted man who will treat them well (who is REASONABLY attractive and finacially stable) I think I’ll just go with the MGTOW’s are full of it.
And while Doc Love isn’t an MGTOW, he does have a scant few good points to make, but I think his make the woman chase you by being difficult and evasive part of his advice is NONSENSE, and doesn’t just weed out gold-diggers, but also drives away the really good hearted, interested women as well.
So don’t play “Doc’s” games. Look for a kind hearted, giving woman who is interested in YOU (not your wallet) and let her KNOW you are interested in her.
SparklingEmerald said: “We are both in our 60’s”
This is a key point in your reply.
SE I’m assuming you’re reading this blog so you can improve your game and land a great guy for yourself, but when males turn to Doc Love for the same reasons, they’re playing games, being difficult and evasive. Apparentley what’s good for the gender, right? And he doesn’t tell men to «make » women chase them but if she is, well good. The modern woman is used to chase as well as men these days. We chase education, degrees, careers and a high income. Women’s rights have given us opportunities and freedom which is why women initiate most divorces too. A man has to be more carefull in dating now than before because women aren’t what they were in the old days, when we were more dependent on a man and couldn’t leave. So he says «let » them chase you, give them respect, affaction and romance, respect her physical boundries and go in slowly. That’s not being difficult, that’s being smart. To all men reading this, use you’re common sense. If his advice gives you results, don’t listen to women who say date me my way or it’s the high way for you. Go by women’s responses.
Miley Cyrus? Are you kidding? It sounds like you only want young women. Which is another reason we women over a certain age are dismissed. Men who are aging want young and beautiful or no one at all. I’m fine staying single the rest of my life. Son done with peers who are shallow old creepers
Furthermore, you keep on and on and on about “closing the deal” and confirming my suspicions that you’re only interested in young women. You say “girls”, not “women”. Frankly you sound like a hormonal 20 something only interested in “closing the deal” with hot girls, while denying that to society, you’re an old creeper.
maybe because they can be thrown in jail now if a woman gets pursued too aggressively!!just saying..
I think it’s always easier to blame the nebulous “them” than engage in any real self-analysis or improvement. Based on my experience and that of others I’ve talked to, dating is largely a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think the Seattle dating pool stinks(btw, I have a few single girlfriends there who have similar complaints about the men), then you’re going to be looking for reasons to bolster your assumptions. If you think that there are a lot of great people out there, but you might have to date a few dozen before you find one that’s right for you, you’ll probably have an enjoyable dating experience.
And in the end, all the complaints about the opposite sex are fruitless: you are completely powerless to change even one other person, let alone an entire population. You can however, make some adjustments to yourself that can make all the difference in your level of success.
Thank you for this comment. This is perfect.
And in response it is also easy to say you are the common factor in all of this. Look, Evan has something to sell here.
Funny how advice is always more palatable when it’s flipped to someone else’s perspective.
On a separate note, Evan, you should check out the A&E 2004 production of Agatha Christie’s “Death on the Nile”. I just watched it yesterday and actor JJ Feild is a dead ringer for you!
@KDC – Just looked him up. He’s got big ears and curly hair, but otherwise I’m not seeing it.
Still, it’s better than being told I look like Jerry Seinfeld or Ben Stiller, which is what you get for being Jewish in Hollywood, I suppose… 🙂
Evan, you’re hilarious. 😀 I had suspected that you made up the city, but didn’t want to say anything. Seattle just got a gratuitous bashing today. (Sheesh, I always thought the people there were nice…)
I think the first step in James’ case is to lose the anger and resentment. If you’re angry or resentful, that comes across so clearly when interacting with others, and it is so unattractive, even in business settings. It’s not effective telling someone he needs to stop being angry, though. This is something a person has to want to work on, on his own, through whatever means he can (meditation, counseling, practicing a more positive outlook, etc.).
I see guys who complain about not getting into relationship as those who deliberately or unintentionally limited their pool to a demographic confinement. Sometimes to achieve true state of happiness someone is bound to think outside the box- and be more open minded. Nothing guarantees that your sweet heart must be around you. your Cinderella could be in another country waiting for you (her prince charming) to come rescue her. Thank goodness we have international dating sites. Women from other countries are more realistic and will value James or other men more than those women in their demography. Is actually true that women wont change their unrealistic behavior, but you can import a woman with a realistic behavior.
Personally i see nothing wrong with James. The problem is that nowadays women in the US need sufficient chemistry as a requisite to consider if there would be a second date.
“The problem is that nowadays women in the US need sufficient chemistry as a requisite to consider if there would be a second date.”
Nope. the problem is that women are now independent enough to require EXACTLY the same thing men have always demanded of us, that there be physical attraction. That’s typically what we mean by “Chemistry.” We do also generally hope that a man will not be a misogynistic head case, will have something to add to the conversation and be polite. Honestly, there isn’t really that much difference between what men and women want out of a true “relationship.” We all want someone we find attractive, someone who we have fun with, who makes us feel special, most of us want someone who is committed to the relationship and gives as much as they take.
We only have problems when our expectations of what kind of mate we want conflict with what kind of mate we can achieve. There are tons of people of both genders out there searching for love. The real issue for those who are stuck forever in the dating pool is that they are all looking at each other and deeming everyone they see not “good” enough.
yes
BAM! That’s an awesome reply! Love it!
As Bill Burr says everyone is chasing the same handful of people.
Al said: “that there be physical attraction.”
While I do agree, I think that many women’s attraction meter is in the clouds just like many men are.
Just as many men think they deserve to have a movie star 10, so do many women.
The popularity of movies like Magic Mike only push this unrealistic fantasy for women (almost no men look like that), just like all of the supermodel and actress stuff of the past pushed it for men.
However, I see far far more men saying they will date the “girl next door” type, but I’ve never heard any woman say the same. Unless the “boy next door” looks like the buff hot plumber boy-toy they show on commercials.
Since most people rate themselves higher than what they actually are, they will tend to go after people who are often “out of their league”.
Most women should take off all of their makeup, and send their photo into one of the “rate me” websites to get a more unbiased opinion of their looks. They might get a surprise and a reality check.
Note: I’m a very fit 53, I rate myself around a 5, I typically go after women in the 4 to 6 range, only to be always told “I’m not attracted to you”. I can only think it’s got to be my red hair. 😉
DeeGee – you have a big blind spot. You’ve bought into the idea that it’s Magic Mike or bust concept, when all you have to do is look around at the millions of non Magic Mike guys with wives to disprove it. This is your pain. This is your anxiety. This is your insecurity. But it’s not based in reality. Are some women impossibly shallow? Yes, but I think men take the prize with that one. Lots of older, heavier, men can still land a more attractive woman because they put a greater premium on beauty. So while you have somewhat valid complaints, this ain’t one of them. The main reason you’re not getting any action isn’t “women”; it’s you. That’s hard to take, but it’s the truth. And it’s no different than what you’d tell a woman who was blaming “men” for all of her dating woes.
Evan said: “That’s hard to take, but it’s the truth.”
After many failed attempts over the years, I do believe that it is me. I am working on it.
and said: “And it’s no different than what you’d tell a woman who was blaming “men” for all of her dating woes.”
I thought I had written my response as more gender-equal.
I guess not.
DG- Not trying to minimize your frustration, but I just had to laugh when I read your comment that you think “it’s got to be my red hair ”
I used to be a redhead (not naturally) and I debated about weather or not to go back to being a brunette. I actually wondered if my red hair which I got tons of compliments on BTW (from men and women) was at all responsible for dating frustrations.
Then KE posted this HILARIOUS tongue in cheek video where men were giving dating advice based on a graph that showed how crazy women were on one side, and how hot on the other, and giving advice to men based on where women fell on the Crazy/Hot graph. The narrator pointed to the spot on the graph (I think the score was 7 hot, and about 5 crazy) and said, “Now this category consists of strippers and red-heads”, and that’s when I decided “THAT’S IT ! This red hair has GOT to go”. Since I didn’t want to be lumped in the same category as a pole dancer, I went back to being a brunette. (OK, I was already very close to that decision, but THAT sealed the deal for me)
Anyway, the first date I went on as a brunette led to the wonderful relationship that I am now in. That was nine months ago. And the guy I am in love with ? He has red hair ! (strawberry blonde and gray mix)
Anyway, it’s pretty common for men to color their hair now, so why not give a different hair color a try ? I don’t know if you are flaming red or more strawberry blonde like my guy, or more brown hair with a hint of red, but perhaps you should consider changing your color a bit. Maybe if it’s flaming red, just have it toned down a bit. Consult with an expert to get a color that will look natural on you, and go well with your skin tone.
From your self description, I think you should be able to find a woman who is attracted to you, and you have been married before, so you have done it before at least once.
Did you say you are in your early 50’s ? It is hard for EVERYONE after 50. It takes longer to couple up as we get older.
I was beginning to think I must be a big hopeless loser in the game of love (but not in any other area of my life) but maybe my problem was that I was just impatient.
It was almost a year to the day after my divorce became final that I met my boyfriend, I was separated for about 3 1/2 years prior, so it was about 4 years total between relationships. The first year I just holed up at home and had no interest in a relationship, so let’s say 3 years of actively dating (on & off) for a relationship. I thought that was way too long, and I was getting extremely impatient with the process. But many of my friends tell me they are happy I found someone wonderful and they also say that it didn’t take me that long. One of my co-workers said “Geez, you didn’t waste much time, did you ? ” I just said “Huh, it took me 3 years” and she just replied “Pfffffft, that’s nothing, my Mom was alone for 12 years, before she met her boyfriend” Other people tell me their stories of trying to find love later in life, and they all say it takes time.
So anyway, from your descriptions, I do think you can find your match, but I can understand your frustration. It might not happen as soon as you would like it to, but it’s not hopeless. (It just feels that way)
But even tho it would have been great if I met my honey sooner, he was worth the wait. I would rather be with this guy after a 3 year stretch of fruitless dating, than to have settled for the first guy who came along only to end up in a terrible relationship.
As much as I LOVE being part of a (happy) couple, I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship.
Anyway, if you really think your red hair may be a factor, it won’t hurt to try a slightly different look.
Wishing you well in your search for love.
SparklingEmerald said: “I just had to laugh when I read your comment”
I have read multiple times that red hair color for men is the least attractive to the majority of women.
I was popular while CSI:Miami was on. 🙂
I guess we need more redhead men in mainstream media.
and said: “so why not give a different hair color a try”
Red hair for men is supposed to be the most difficult to dye.
The problem is that my beard, facial hair, and everywhere else will is also red.
and said: “It takes longer to couple up as we get older.”
My last short-term relationship was 10 years ago.
No luck ever since then.
It seems I am always either too fast or too slow.
Either I like them more than they like me, or they like me more than I like them.
Either I say something too quick (like asking for a second date too soon (wha??)), or I’m too slow (like waiting one day too long (wha??)).
At 53 and at least one to two years away from being able to move to a larger city, which will make me at least 55 and close to 15 years single, I have once again thrown in the towel after almost a year of giving it a really good try again.
“Either I like them more than they like me, or they like me more than I like them.”
DeeGee, have you considered spending more time with the women who like you more than you like them, to see if your attraction/liking for them would grow with time?
If no, why not? And therein lies your answer to why it won’t work for women whom you like but who don’t give YOU a chance.
I like you, so I hate saying this to you, whereas I’ve had no issues telling the “entitled” guys this:
Your SMV (aka “rating” if you will) is reflective of the rating of women who will date you (this applies to men. For women it’s not based on the rating of the men who will have sex with her, but on the rating of the men who are willing to offer her relationships).
So if you’re finding that 4-6’s won’t date you, then perhaps you’re not the 5 you think you are. You need to aim at 3s. If they won’t date you, then aim at the 2s. Then aim that 1s.
Or alternatively, try to like and love the ones that dig you already.
Best of luck to you.
Just as looks get women in the door, but it’s their personality that keeps a man tethered; it’s really the same thing for women, no matter how vociferously women deny it. You have to be “attractive enough” to her to get in the door with her.
I don’t like men who resemble Bill Gates…and when I said this, Goldie took me to task because SHE finds Bill Gates attractive and would certainly date men who looked like him.
Just as one guy’s 10 is another guy’s 5, it can be that way for men as well.
Don’t lose hope. But don’t obsess about it either. I’ve found that most of my relationships have started when I was focused on just being happy by myself, not when I was actively looking for someone.
KE, I appreciate your comments and your concern.
Karmic Equation said: “have you considered spending more time with the women who like you more than you like them”
There has only been a very small number of women from the dating site that are reasonably local (within 250 km). See further below.
Of those, only a few have replied to me (~60%) and slightly less have agreed to meet.
I have driven 300+ km just to see one of them (7 hours of my time round trip — for a coffee). So far we have only become friends (the distance is a bit of an issue).
I have considered what you said, and I have asked the women I wasn’t really interested in for future get togethers, but they seem to be as frustrated with it as I am. It’s not like I haven’t given it a real go.
One of them (god I hope she doesn’t read this blog) is 6+ inches taller than me and size-wise makes up two of me, I like her but I can’t see it working (I feel like an 8 year old hugging his mommie). I’m sorry, really I am.
and said: “I like you”
Thanks. Likewise. 🙂
and said: “Your SMV is reflective of the rating of women who will date you”
I have no issue at all dating a woman who might be classified by some as a 3. The issue still is finding them here.
I would have no problem sending you a link to my OKC profile, for your personal rating, but I would only do it privately and not open here (through your blog?). 🙂
My problem is the very limited number of local women on the dating site. There are only 3 within 100km, and 10 within 250km.
The other women who are interested are just too far away at over 500+ km. Most of the women I messaged who were 500+ km said they would definitely get together if I was local to them.
and said: “Don’t lose hope.”
I am a victim of my location. This city population is only about 15,000.
Either I have to move to a much larger center, which won’t happen for 1-2 years, or there has to be a miracle of running into some available woman outside of the dating site.
Unfortunately, I won’t be holding my breath. 🙂
So it’s back to work and my daily routine.
“I am a victim of my location. This city population is only about 15,000.”
Yeah, you need to move 🙂 Bummer.
I would have no problem sending you a link to my OKC profile, for your personal rating, but I would only do it privately and not open here (through your blog?)
Yes, I have a blog, but I don’t think I’ve blogged on that for over a year. I was in a blogging mood when I created it. Search for Karmic Equation 101 blog. But I don’t feel right about logging in to OKC now that I’m in a committed relationship. Who knows which friends of mine and my bf might see that and get the wrong idea!
Use the email link in the blog to ping me and maybe you can send a couple of OKC screen captures when I reply to your email.
I’ll give you a fair, and honest critique…if you can handle the truth 😉
Karmic Equation said: “Use the … blog to ping me”
Done.
and said: “you can send a couple of OKC screen captures when I reply to your email.”
Sent to your same email address in a second email, if it gets through. If not, I’ll wait for your reply email.
and said: “I’ll give you a fair, and honest critique…if you can handle the truth”
I can take it. 🙂
As I mentioned to Evan above, it’s probably me…
How many guys are willing to drive 7 hours for a coffee date though… maybe that just seems too desperate. 🙂
‘Note: I’m a very fit 53, I rate myself around a 5, I typically go after women in the 4 to 6 range, only to be always told “I’m not attracted to you”.’
How it this a problem with him for being who he is. “A blind spot” Come on it seems that people just are not exceptive of people for who they are nowwa days. Why should he have to change or become some one he isn’t just to please some one? It’s sad that that is what you are saying that it is going to take for the “common denominator” to have a chance if they are not edgy enough or something like that. Yeah some common denominators are complete douches but its real sad when a good person has to become a bit bad or edgy for some one to take them serious or pay them some mind. Just my thought.
You are right. Women are financially independant now and so they can search for chemistry much more freely than before. This is good for women but they have been given power while power have been taken from men, so that’s why men are frustrated and don’t know what to do, because no one told them anything while media told women what they exactly need to do.
But also… same thing… you are now financially independant. and that comes with responsibilities and also it means men should have less burden when it comes to romance and leading and they must become responsive instead. Men have not been told this yet so they don’t know their new role while women already embraced their new role.
What i mean is, men should change and raise their standards. They must avoid unemployed women completely. They must avoid women who does not want to take lead or want men to lead all the time. They must avoid women who does not want to initiate and wants to stay passive, like a reward. They must avoid women who does not want to be active, who does not want to spoil men, buy gifts to them, take them to dinners, make holiday plans so let men to have the fun part only.
Women nowadays have more power but that caused them to raise their standards instead of using that power for investing in a relationship, they still have the idea ”my money is mine, your money is ours”, ”we are equals when it suits to me, else a man should man up and be man”. This is women’s fault. Men did not learn to be passive and that’s men’s fault.
Men must stop thinknig that women have a innate value and value them only for their utility, for what they can do for him. You can’t have it both ways. If you have more power than you must use it for men so you will let men to be less stressed and let them have the fun and exciting part and so men will become responsive your efforts and appreciate them.
Smash, you are the same as the guy Evan is referring to in this thread. You are “mirroring” so what you project is what is coming back to you !
Change your thoughts and you will change your world.
@9 Evan … too funny!! And so telling 🙂
I love it! A ton of battle-of-the-sexes content gets generated about the dating scene in Seattle and EMK reveals the OP wasn’t talking about Seattle, Evan just changed the name to protect the identity of the person writing the letter.
I agree, it adds even more power to EMK’s point. As far as dating goes people are too caught up in whining rather than doing what they *can* to deal with a less than spectacular reality to find solutions.
@ St Stephen:
“Women from other countries are more realistic and will value James or other men more than those women in their demography.”
As a woman from another country, I’ve got a word of advice to you… if and when you ever talk to them, keep this thought to yourself. You’ll be glad you did.
I had this phone conversation with a guy where all of a sudden he said: “I love Easter European women!” (red flag already, who chooses women based on ethnicity?) “They’re so appreciative of things they didn’t have growing up, that American women take for granted.”
I instantly had that vision in my head of myself thanking him for things American women take for granted… “Wow honey, is that a hamburger? How cool! I never had that growing up! OMG, and french fries too??? I’m sooo lucky to have you” smooch smooch. Eh… no. Next. No one wants to be seen as a poor, third-world girl that can be bought with a handful of buttons and a glass necklace… just sayin.
If you do what you have always done – without making any changes – you will get the results you ALWAYS get! I agree that you/we cannot make any changes in others – or in the environment – or the world. We can ONLY change ourselves.
Or we can change our way of looking at things. Many prominent psychologists have stated in different language that “it is not the event that disturbs you/us but our perception of the event.”
Goldie #18, if I really wanted to sweet talk such a woman, I’d show her the pickle. Maybe then she would be relishing me dipping my fries into her ketchup. Ha.
Seriously, I would feel objectified too if someone were to say how much they love Italian guys or guys of a certain height or build or whatever. Is she into me for me, or am I just interchangeable with anyone else available who meets that criteria?
Overall, very good thread. If a woman wants to be successful with men, she needs to get how we work (including the ways that don’t make sense to her) and use it. Men are probably not going to change, except maybe those of us who are on this blog. Similarly, if we men want to be successful with women, we need to get how you work, including the ways that don’t make sense to us, and use it. (And this is coming from a guy who has railed about how women “don’t make sense”.) Women are probably not going to change, except maybe those of you on this blog…
Too true @Goldie…
I’m American but it slays me that American men have convinced themselves that there are all of these starving, poor, desperate women in other countries who will forgive all of their faults.
So you have plane fulls of paunchy, balding postal workers who think that young hot Russian(or other non-American women) women want nothing more than to marry them, b/c they aren’t “superficial” like American women.
I saw a part-hilarious/part-sad documentary on the mail-order bride business, set up by a guy who did scoop up some young woman desperate to find a better life for herself and her child(the body language between him and his much younger, more attractive wife said it all). So he now takes these middle-aged, less than average Joes to Russia to these “matchmaking” parties. The men walk into a room full of women young enough to be their daughters, marveling at how they were all there to see and marry them. The interviewer speaks to the girls in Russian during and after the party and they were wondering why the men were so old and were disappointed that there were not any young, good-looking men in attendance. Some were on the verge of tears.
So there is a fantasy created by men and sold to other men that doesn’t match anyone’s reality. They do in fact believe that they can buy a poor, third-world girl by just showing up with a handful of buttons. Even if you believe that story, it’s really gross that you’d want to exploit it…some of those girls were cringing when those men tried to touch, hug, and kiss them. Why would you want to be married to someone who finds you repulsive? Just b/c she’s younger and “hotter” than what you can pull here?
I just finished a 5 year relationship with a man who is now on a large number of the websites portraying himself as 13 years younger than he really is. He says he loves to go to places he never took me, even though I asked to go to these places. On one site he even says he loves to hold hands. I often had to be insistent because he was so uncomfortable with this. He is 74 years old and I am the first person he EVER held hands with!!
From what I have learned by trying out internet dating, it is not uncommon for men to falsify their true selves in order to get a date. My brother even did this by claiming things that were absolutely not true.
We women are expected to not only figure out how to weed these cunningly false people out but to have “game”??
Personally, I;m too tired for this.
I keep myself in good shape physically because I like the attention it gets me. But after watching all the game playing the internet and the POF attitude it has added to the dating scene, I have NO desire to date.
GOOD LUCK to those who do……….
jane said: “We women are expected to not only figure out how to weed these cunningly false people out but to have “game”??”
We men have to do the same with online dating with women.
I have seen many women’s profiles only to find out that they have posted much younger photos, false information, and shopping lists of what they want in a man.
Well, Ms. Nicole, you really fit the bill for an “American woman” with your comments.Since YOU and your local sisters do not want these guys, then do not date them and do not go near them ( you are SO far ABOVE them anyway). The more than 12,000 such marriages between American “misfits” and foreign brides will go on to the tune of a much lower divorce rate.Even if she is “cringing”, as you put it, she still hugs and kisses him because he is HER husband.
I hardly think that Nicole is being unreasonable or saying that anyone is beneath her by decrying the rampant dishonesty some people online are guilty of. Way to take what she said, totally distort it and use it (incorrectly) to support some wacked out concept you have of American Women. You’ll no doubt always find something to support your world view because it doesn’t require any basis in reality.
The statement -‘Even if she is “cringing”, as you put it, she still hugs and kisses him because he is HER husband.’-says volumes about you. Seems that you’re saying that you’d be fine with a woman’s discomfort and obvious desperation to overcome that to survive. Perhaps that you might possibly feel that that’s what women are. That it’s maybe fine and natural for someone desperate for a ‘better life’ should debase themselves. Seems that you think of these women as lucky to have a savior. Maybe someone like yourself. Seems to show how you see women in general. Tools for the comfort of men, regardless of their true feelings. Could be that you don’t see women as people at all. Maybe you would prefer a ‘female’ that would see you as some sort of god. It must be considered though, the cringing and then ‘kissing-hugging’ might show more of a mind of making do with the least objectionable option, rather than any sort of love or respect. Seems that a mind that would desire this sort of arrangement might possibly be uneasy, maybe terrified by a woman with more power, over herself, or self esteem or options. Seems its been hard for you with women here in America with more access to education and basic human rights, harder to find a mate in this atmosphere. One wonders if you’ve ever considered that perhaps woman are people too. One could suggest that you might try to put yourself in the position of these women who could be basically selling themselves into marriage to escape a worse situation. Maybe think about how you’d feel some strange man were the only option for you. Perhaps you’d understand that to get over the disgust of touching and kissing a person that you’ve never met or had any knowledge of, someone who you have no idea of how they’ll treat you, whether they’ll ever care about you or your feelings, getting over your feelings of whether or not you’re attracted to them, would be your best chance to survive.
Nicole, there is a lot of truth to what you said. There are men who have no clue, who think a foreign brides is their answer. Some are unrealistic, and think they are going to get a super model wife when they themselves are truly nasty.
You also highlight a truth, that busts a myth. The girls show up to those parties, and are not desperate to marry just any man who comes calling. They quality women, who are selective, and know what they want. Despite the myth that most are just looking for a green card, or looking to be rescued from poverty, and so will marry any man who comes calling, the reality is actually very different.
However, there is another side to this. There are men who can find a women of a quality they can’t find here. Here is a bit of an extreme example that was in WeTV. The point is that as you watch it, you will likely think that there is nothing special about the man. In fact, as my boyfriend noted, he would likely be called creepy by women 10 to 20 years older than he now wife, who don’t even look as good as her. So you really can’t blame him for finding what he wanted, even if he had to leave the country to find it. I know couples similar to this, some with similar age gaps, and some where the age gap is minimal. One thing in common however, is that the women tend to be more beautiful than the women the men had dated here, and these women have a different idea of what good man is. They aren’t usually impressed with the hot bad boy types, and go more for the nice guy types that women here seem to find boring. They simply value different things. Honesty, kindness, patience, character, stability, etc… all inspire passion in these women, much more so than youth, good looks, money, bad boy image, etc… They seem to be less impressed with false bravado that many women here seem to view as confidence, or swagger. I asked one of them why this was the case, and she simply said that those kind of men tend to be bad husbands, more often.
I knew about this video because a friend showed to me and my boyfriend and asked us what he thought. He recently turned 50, and said he feels a lot of discrimination over his age. Mind you he said he is not interested in a woman so young, but does prefer women a little younger than himself, up to about a dozen or so years younger. He is also in great shape, and decent looking…better looking than the guy in this video, so he feels confident he can find a good woman this way.
He also had a video that showed a man marrying a woman from there, who was much closer to the guy’s age, and she had one child. He thinks he has a better chance at happiness by being pragmatic.
Anyway, you are right that it would not be good to be married to a person who thinks you are disgusting, but at the same time, there are men who are finding wives that do not see him as disgusting, where as the American women of similar quality, did, such as the man in this video. So wouldn’t you agree that it is a smart move for men like him to find what they want someplace else if they are being rejected by what they want here? To me it only makes sense. To me, a guy like the one in the video, is the guy who doesn’t give up, who doesn’t worry about a locked door in front of him. He simply does the smart thing and moves to another door to see if it is unlocked.
Most men that my boyfriend and I know, who are doing things like this, are not looking for somebody so young, just younger. But I know two who are in situations similar to this. One is married to a Brazilian girl half his age. He’s 52. Did she do it to escape Brazil? No, she was already a citizen, having moved here by herself, going to college, and getting her citizenship in the process. She has many men her age still trying to flirt with her. She’s not interested.
Another is a guy we go to church with. He actually met a younger woman on a facebook group dedicated to discussions on our religion. She was actually a little rude to him at first, because he had told her friend that she was wrong about something. She was standing up for her friend. But he engaged her in rational discussion, and pretty soon, she sent him a friend request. Not long after, she started flirting, and recently made it plain to him that she was receptive to him. She’s half his age, and all for it. He’s the one that has serious misgivings over the age, and I think he is unlikely to follow through as a result. I talked to her, and she is serious about him, and has her reasons. None of which involve a green card, or money, because he actually can’t give her a better life than she has there, because her family is actually fairly well off. She’s a recent college graduate, working as a nurse, and also a classical violinist, having started when she was very young.
So I guess what I am saying is that, as always, there are two sides to every coin. You are 100% right that there are some seriously delusional men, who are just nasty, but there are also good men who are being rejected here, who find they are not rejected by quality women from other countries.
I should note that I am Asian. Am constantly told I look younger than I am. Get hit on by men of all ages. And many might think that I am a foreign bride when they first see me and my boyfriend. Some with preconceived notions are shocked to learn that I have been a citizen for most of my life, and that I am very well educated. They assume I should be a with a man who is much better looking, and wonder what the deal is. The deal is that I don’t like bad boys, and I care less about looks than the man on the inside. So I don’t cringe when I look at my boyfriend. He’s not ugly, but I know many women see him as average, and would turn their nose up to him. Their loss.
Hey Nicole, I agree that is some disgusting business; when I worked for the fed, I had a supervisor who did this; went to the Philippines, I believe, to find some young thang…ughhh… So he comes back from his vacation two weeks later with a 17yr old wife. I suppose the fact that we were law enforcement didn’t translate to morale efficacy in his personal life, friggin rached.
@Goldie (#18)
Lol 🙂 …. thanks for the advice- that was very funny. At least Now i know i shouldn’t have to broach it up in a conversation.
@Nicole (#21)
James is not an old man. He’s a young guy with bright prospects. And who says he should go for a starving girl from a third world country? Russia is a developed country. Europe and Asia are also fast developing continents. In such countries you can still find educated women with prestigious careers. The only difference is that such women don’t need much chemistry to consider a relationship and they don’t have a long requirement list that a man needs to score very good in ticking all off.
What you are really saying is that, by going overseas, you think you can find a woman who meets your heightened expectation of attractiveness but who will ignore the fact that you do not meet that same requirement yourself.
Or maybe what he is really saying is that he is just outside the top 20%, and he has an easier time finding a woman who is his equal who doesn’t feel she is settling because she didn’t get one of the top 20%, especially when she is also not in the top 20%? Did you forget the OKCupid statistics where women placed 80% of the men in the below average category?
@Saint Stephen, nowhere in my comment did I mention the original poster, and considering that you aren’t from this culture, and don’t understand a lot of things nearly as well as you think, so I’m going to leave things there and not try to argue with someone who understands nothing about where I’m coming from.
Perhaps work on making sure you’ve properly understood what you are reading before commenting. I know that it’s not always easy to capture the essence of what people are saying when you are doing it in a second language.
I’ve been to Russia(and India too for that matter). It’s not third world but it’s not “first world” either, for a variety of reasons that are really off topic for this thread.
St Stephen
Apparently you haven’t heard of Russian bride scams, where men are duped into sending money to poor Russian women, on the pretense that they want to travel to America to meet them, or need the money to pay for their internet connection, or for an ailing relative, etc. Sometimes the women are looking for a green card, and dump the guy after they get it. The women involved are not educated, nor do they have prestigious careers. I’ve heard a number of men on Match.com complain about being contacted this way.
If a 30 year old with half-way decent looks and a decent job is meeting only women who are “terrible”. something is wrong with his judgement. He’s not screening properly, he’s not choosing women who really like him, or he is turning the women he meets off in some way.
@Saint Stephen (#23)
But why should anyone force themselves to keep dating someone they’re not physically attracted to and have little chemistry with? Is it in hopes that it will come later? Why not just be friends instead then? And hey, if an attraction manages to form later down the road, then that’s great. Why force it, or act like actually being into the other person and feeling like you vibe well with them doesn’t matter for a relationship. Wouldn’t it make you feel bad knowing the woman you’re in a relationship with isn’t feeling you?
Also, would you be in a relationship a women you didn’t really have much chemistry with?
I’m an Eastern European-American woman who gets hit on all the time by guys with Slavic fetishists – who are often deeply disappointed to find out that I’m American and not looking to be anybody’s fast track bride.
@ St Stephen – Frankly, they don’t care about chemistry and that long compatability checklist because they care about your wallet and your American citizenship. If you like that better than being judged by your biceps or your ability to make conversation, fine, but don’t pretend it’s somehow superior to American women’s standards.
@ Ruby #25, yes, this happened to a friend of mine who had this obsession with Russian bride sites. I kept telling him that “Veronica”, that was emailing him, was probably some dude running a scam business out of his apartment, but he wouldn’t listen. Then one day, Veronica writes to him saying that she wants to come visit, and her aunt, who lives in the US, is paying for her plane tickets. There is only one problem – because Veronica’s aunt is not an American citizen, she is not allowed to wire money to Russia. So, Veronica continues, can you send me $3000 and my aunt or I will pay you back as soon as I get here?
I told my friend that it took me six years to get my citizenship, and that, during those six years, I was able to send money to whomever I pleased, including my friends and relatives in Russia. He was so shocked and angry, he actually sent Veronica an email saying that he’s on to her/him/it. Hey, I’d tried to warn him all along…
Goldie #28
I’m sure “Veronica” seemed really nice, and was very pretty too. Good thing you were able to warn him!
Evan:
There are a number of reasons why “James” does not get a reply from womyn on-line. First, has he actually read their profiles and compared what he wants to what they want? This is a biggie; we get lots of contacts from guys that are in no way compatable with ourselves re. core values, family desires, type of relationship they want, our interests, etc. this is why so many of us get frustrated and give up. the dating sites also try and “match” you up w/ folks far, far from what you are looking for and often those that are 1000+ miles away (look at a map dudes). I am surprized by how many contacts I get from smokers, overweight guys (I am an ultrarunner), the politically conservative, guys into ski resort culture and/or motorsports, and those “recruiting” for a mommy for their kids from the last marriage. We get so many of these completely inappropriate “matches” that there is no way one can reply to them all (I get about a dozen to two dozen a day). Among other things, my profiles are very clear re. smoking, downhill ski culture, motorsports (I had a guy contact me from my mountain town that I had actually kicked off of my land because he was tearing it up w/ a [email protected]## motorbike) that I am an environmentalist and Socialist and proud of it, I am waay too old to do the family thing, I am a very active person that believes that folks need to take responsibility for their health. “James” needs to read the profiles first.
can you define overweight? Because it is not the same as in women. That is because men usually have higher bone density and more muscle mass. Also the toracic cavity is usually much bigger. The “athletic” man of today in my opinion is a skinny sickly person. A man can seem overweight and also be able to run great distances or do a lot of effort demanding work. Also please define ultrarunner (never heard the word before).
@Nicole (#24)
I know you never made mention of OP. I responded to your post because it related to my earlier set of comment.
You said i misunderstood your comment (which i did not), secondly you quickly alluded English been a second language as the cause. I’ll only remind you that virtually every commentator (including Evan) in this blog have been accused of misreading/misunderstanding peoples comments.
And by the way, you ought to know that i didn’t need to come from a culture to understand much about it. The world over (including those who had never been here) knows much about the American culture- given it’s stand in the World. Lol
@Ruby (#25)
What you said is true. but anyone who is serious and have what they call brains will definitely know how to weed out the Scammers from the serious minded ones. Though i never had Russia in mind (since they aren’t an English speaking country. And far from what you said many third world countries women aren’t starving or green card crazy the way folks like making them appear. I’ve traveled around, and what i see when i travel to Asian countries is the reverse case of American and European men migrating to settle with their Asian Wives. Women stepping up in education and work isn’t an American thing, is a global phenomenon. Infact a woman is currently the prime minister of Thailand, Denmark and if you go places in Africa you see women becoming Vice presidents, governors and senators. Truth is, most women in third world counties are more comfortable than you folks think they are. They might even be more comfortable than many American women… oh i digress.
EVAN SAID
It seems that whenever he goes out with women, they’re all so SHALLOW.
They never want to TAKE THE TIME to get to know him as a human being.
They’re all looking for magical CHEMISTRY and trying to figure out within 5 minutes whether he’s their SOULMATE.
Talking about relationships, We all know that women are responsible for 90% of first date which doesn’t translate to another. Is definitely odd if a woman is struggling to get into a relationship, not for a man. A guy who does everything right but couldn’t produce enough chemistry may likely not even get a second date. Average men struggle very hard in having relationship, the way strong successful women do. From the way I see it, a woman who complains about relationship must have dismissed many men. Which of course means there are plenty of single average men like James. There is nothing wrong with an average guy like James who is finding it difficult to have a relationship. Rather it would be odd if he was a strong successful guy but still having the same problem.
I think it’s strange, Saint Stephen, that you’re taking the time to defend James, when James is a perfect example of what NOT to be like.
If you look at how similar their POVs appear, based on their writings here … I for one don’t think it’s strange at all.
JMHO, of course.
I feel as though the reason certain people are defending ‘James’ is that some can read the article and see James being told ‘being yourself isn’t good, change yourself for shallow people who don’t like who you are’ and then followed by a couple paragraphs explaining why James and people like James are aweful.
That will cause people, weather or not they can see themselves in James, to defend him, because you verbally beat him, and people (strike that, men) like him.
Most people know someone like James, a friend, a neighbor, a cousin, etc.
Hi Evan,
You’re really missing a HUGE point with James. Most women I’ve met are exactly as James described and I live an hour from him. You of all people know women don’t gravitate towards guys like James. The only attention I ever get from places like Match or Plenty of fish are overweight women whom I would never date, and even those are rare in between. What you should be doing is telling women to stop looking for that perfect handsome rich dude because chances are they will never find him. You should be telling women that they need to lower some of their standards because this day and age has created a huge group of women who all think they deserve the handsome young multi-millionaire. While they will never tell you this, you know by their action that is what they are seeking.
If you really want to help people connect, help both parties realize that there is no such thing as a perfect connection, and that real love takes hard work. Finding someone to do this with should not be as hard as it is, and it’s definitely not the males who put up the roadblock. I’m not saying woman have to settle for the fat disgusting slobs who have no jobs, but the cute mechanic, or the handsome rail yard worker are perfectly acceptable matches.
Hmmmmm … I’ve dated fat men, skinny men, latino men, black men, white men, retired men, well to do men, poor men, young men …. I’ve dated around to figure out this stuff. I’ve had four marriage proposals in 5 years. I give respect, I give time, I pay my share – dutch always, I am considerate, I am loyal/faithful (I will only date one man at a time and in that time I will evaluate if the relationship has potential), I’m honest, I’m on time, I listen, I listen, I listen and I watch actions to see if what comes out of the man’s mouth match his words … If I can’t trust your words then I can’t trust you (your actions show you core values and if they match your words), without trust and honesty there is nothing. We are the least honest with ourself and that can translate into a lot of hot air seeping from our face.
What I have learned is this …. we all really are not what we profess and think our self to be. If you truly want to know how you are performing … Ask the question, am I turning people away? Other people are the mirror, look to how they are responding to YOU. It is pretty simple.
I have walked away from four marriage proposals. I am just an average 52 year old woman that stays fit. Am I shallow? NO … as a woman I am myself, I am not your trophy nor your pleasure toy. If you don’t attempt to understand me and my wants and my desires, if you only understand your wants and your desires (as in selfish people)… it will never work as I will stand my ground and work against you in an attempt to get my wants and needs satisfied … it maybe fun in the beginning when the passion is high and the sparks are flying but it will grow cold and old fast. So … that is my yard stick … does he get me, does he care for more than himself, does he see all of ME. I have worked a lifetime to understand and respect men. I have read books after books after books and the conclusion is pretty much this … if he is selfish, if he only gets himself … it isn’t going to work and it doesn’t take very long to figure this out, sometimes it is as quick as one date … run, run, run as fast as you can from such a person whether it be a woman or a man.
I work at getting men. I work at getting the man I am dating. He is not my cash cow, nor a trophy, nor my free ride. I work at understanding what makes him tick and his core values and if he is truly honest with himself (if he isn’t he has no work to do and it is as good as it is going to get … we all have work to do … we all have actions and attitudes that need refining). And, I will not settle for less than what I have to offer … thus four marriage proposals that I have walked away from. Your mirror is how other people are responding to you, if you are like me and most people, you have some work to do. Some people have a lot of work to do.
Your lumping all us women into wanting “perfect handsome rich dudes” is hateful and incorrect to the extreme. Them you say we should “lower our standards” (because you think we only want handsome rich dudes). You said you won’t date overweight women. I’m one of those women you won’t date. No doubt there are shallow women who only want handsome. Plenty of gold diggers want rich. A lot of us don’t care what physical package a man comes wrapped in though and we support ourselves and don’t want or need a man’s income, but we’re not pretty or normal weight (much less slender). It is men like you who won’t give my type (unattractive and overweight) a consideration. We are the flip side equivalent of “not rich and not handsome” but unlike you shallow men, we would date men I’m that category while as you and your kind would NOT give unattractive overweight women the time of day. You tell women to “lower their standards” yet you and your type wouldn’t lower your standards in kind. Even though you’re off base about what women are looking for, it’s very hypocritical for you to charge women with being on the get and say they should lower their standards, when men aren’t willing to do the same.
Evan look around the net, see what men are saying about women nowadays. This observation isn’t just from 2 guys in the Seattle area. It’s across the country.
I think its strange that you dont realize that most men ARE like James. They are not feminist like you.
No, the men YOU know are like James. The men I know are comfortable around women, secure around women, and love women. That’s why they’re happily married instead of part of a “movement” of angry guys who feel emasculated by society. If you are a nice guy with balls, you’re going to do very well with women. If you are a nice guy with no balls, you go around complaining that women don’t appreciate you, and take your balls back by venting on the internet. Try being a better man instead of blaming women for your lack of success. By the way, that’s EXACTLY what I tell women who complain about men.
Lol again with the assumptions. You make it hard to take anything you say seriously. Feminism taught you well i see.
Statistics say that your “happily married” friend will have a 60% divorce rate (and the main reason that number isn’t higher is because our grandparents generation are still around. You know the last generation to actually believe family is important. From those divorces 80% of them are initiated by the woman. 90% wilk end up wirh the men losing custosy of their kids. And about that same percentage where men will end up losing half their stufg AND have to pay child support. Do the reseach, google makes it easy now.
Again, i lost my anger when i realized i should have ZERO expectations from women. And whi is ro blame that there are so few men out there with balls? Feminist, how many times have you seen masculinity shamed by feminazis? Its all over the world now. Do you want me to get in a debate with you on what this is doing to the world?
Kpak – leave the facts to me.
You only WANT to think that 60% of marriages end in divorce because YOU are so bad at relationships. In fact, the divorce rate is DECLINING.
https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/marriage/the-divorce-rate-in-the-united-states-is-declining/
Now, of course, marriage is declining too because guys like you opt out of the system, which is fine for any relationship oriented woman who wants a man who treats her well.
But please don’t throw around false figures to make a specious argument. In fact, if you’re over 30 and college educated, your marriage has an 80% chance of survival.
You can go on and on about divorce statistics, but that misses the point.
People who read this blog want to learn to make smarter relationship choices. The goal isn’t to get married. The goal is to be happily married. And if that’s not your goal, I have no idea why you’d be reading this blog.
And while “feminazis” (while not a term I’d ever use, because, you know, the whole Jewish thing?) are not my cup of tea, FEMINIST is a good word in that it advocates for true equality. And as a libertarian (am I right), you believe in equal right for everybody. So you should have no trouble with equal opportunity for women. You’re just standing up for masculinity. Okay. I’m standing up, too. But what does that entail? The right to rape? The right to insult women who are overweight? The right to fuck and not be courteous afterwards? The right to spend two years with someone when you have no intention of getting married but you know that what she wants? Being a man doesn’t give you the right to do whatever you want, no more than being a woman gives her the right to do whatever she wants. I’m all about fairness and civility. But MGOTWs and “feminazis” can keep on blaming each other without looking in the mirror – and then, when called on it, deny it outright. “I don’t hate women!” “I don’t hate men!” Look at your posts. You’re a misogynist parading as a realist. Leave realism to me and go back to your forum where you can rant about women to guys who believe the worst – and will never have the best.
How can I leave the facts to you when you’re not posting accurate facts? The truth is no one knows if the divorce rate is declining. There is evidence on both arguments, some say its declining, even more say its rising.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2014/03/27/divorce-is-actually-on-the-rise-and-its-the-baby-boomers-fault/
Now it seems the baby boomers are at the fun. And no I am not throwing out false figures. That’s great and all for people who attend school, but what about those who don’t? They have under a 50% chance survival rate for marriage. Should we just forget those people out there exist? I date people in both those ranges, college educated women and non college educated women. Why should I discriminate based on education?
The people who reads your blog seem to be people who are already prone to agree with what you are saying. You’re catering to a select group of people who probably believe heavily in feminist ideals. There is another group of people out there called conservatives who will look at some of the ideas your throwing out and disagree. You are right about some stuff, but I couldn’t disagree more with you on others.
Feminazi is an actual word in Merrian-Websters dictionary. If the Jewish people are offended by that word, I would tell them to grow a thicker skin. It has nothing to do with them anways.
Feminism is no longer about equality, it’s about domination of the matriarchy and death to the patriarchy. The feminist movement you speak of was the first wave. Today meninism is what feminism was in the 30’s and 40’s. They are actually about equal rights among the sexes. They are preaching for fair divorce proceedings. They are fighting to retract some of the ignorant rape laws we have in this country. It’s destructive to peoples lives when you tag them with sex offender labels because they urinate in public. The act is wrong, but not worthy of destroying someones life over it. No one should believe that 1 in 4 college women will get sexually assaulted because that is just not true. If it were, I can’t see how any sane and reasonable adult would ever send their daughters to college.
Women received the equality they were seeking once they got the national right to vote and with the pass of the equal rights amendment. The cries now from feminist camps is nothing more than lies and warped use of statistics to get a country to kill off all signs of manhood in this country. You see it everywhere. In popular culture, at your workplace, at school. It’s sickening that we drug up little boys today because they show male traits. Every job I’ve had I had to tip toe around the workplace so I wouldn’t offend someone. On TV or in the popular art, you don’t see any semblance of a strong father figure. Where are todays Ward Cleavers, and Mike Bradys? They are replaced with guys like Kevin James, and Homer Simpson, bumbling idiots. If you don’t think feminism has nothing to do with this, you are sadly blinded by the myth they are selling.
@Ricci (#26)
I understand your points and i concur that you do not need to force anyone to date who they aren’t attracted to. But i believe If this women will accept to be just friends like you said, many of them will wind up feeling attracted to him. The problem is American women need instant chemistry and any guy who isn’t producing it on a first date, will get Nothing. No second date, No relationship. And by this i’ll infer many men are loosing out.
St Stephen: How many women have YOU not felt initial attraction to, but grew attracted to over time ?
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/julie-ferman/what-if-im-just-not-attracted-guy
Men AND women reject each other due to lack of “chemistry” but this woman interviewed men and women, and found out, more often than not, women will give a guy they aren’t initially attracted to another chance than men will, if there’s no initial attraction.
Personally, I have tried the “give a guy a chance” route, and all it has ever done is create an uncomfortable situation, and/or an accusation that I’ve “lead him on”. Just one more damned if you, damned if you don’t. Women are wrong for not giving a guy a second chance and they are wrong for leading a guy on.
I guess it’s HUMAN nature, to feel that it’s perfectly OK when YOU are the one doing the rejecting, but it’s a huge injustice when someone rejects YOU.
Also, men might think that they haven’t rejected women, but every woman who has ever tried to subtly flirt with you, by catching your eye, smiling at you from across the room, or coming up and starting a conversation etc. that you just didn’t notice, well that’s a form of rejection. I’m not saying that you must walk into a room and approach every woman, but every woman who was hoping you would flirt back, approach, and you didn’t, well that IS a form of rejection, even though you aren’t aware of it.
I find it hard to believe that there is ANY man on the planet who hasn’t actively rejected a woman by not calling for a second or third date, has NEVER been the one to end a relationship etc. But if that’s the case, then surely, there has been the girl you have passively rejected, simply by not noticing her, when she was trying to flirt with you or trying to get your attention. Not saying it’s wrong, in fact the opposite, no one should try to FORCE themselves to be attracted to someone, and I even think that insisting that someone give someone a second or third chance, is in essence, an attempt to shame them into dating someone they simply aren’t attracted to.
As someone else said, dating and relationships are difficult enough when there IS initial attraction. Why would anyone try to navigate all that withOUT attraction ?
@Evan Marc Katz
You are right. I’ll work very hard to be successful, so i wouldn’t have to be like James, or suffer what he’s going through.
Thanks!!
Stephen, you’ve been the advocate of chemistry second/third/fourth, and everything else first. Sorry, hon, I’m not sure how many relationships you’ve been with (but I’m pretty sure you have been in none from the idealized things you said), unless you are in an arranged marriage culture, that just won’t work.
Welcome to the real world, where being in a relationship is a choice and romantic feelings reign supreme.
It’s not about right or wrong, it’s just the way it is in our world here (and I’m sure in most places all over the world).
No chemistry,no incentive for relationship.
Why would I want to be in relationship with any guy whom I’m not attracted to physically? It’s hard enough when there is mutual chemistry. And no, you won’t just be attracted to someone over time just because he/she’s a wonderful person. It’s either there or it’s not You can’t force this and it’s beyond your power whom you’re attracted to. If that was a matter of choice, nobody would be single and lonely.
St Stephen
Nowhere do I see evidence that James is unsuccessful in his career, or that he is unattractive. If he works in IT, he could be making very good money. He’s 30. He doesn’t have to be a corporate CEO at this point (or any).
I’ve also never seen any evidence that a desire for at least some chemistry is an exclusively American trait. Since when are women 90% responsible for there being a second date? Both parties are deciding that simultaneously on a date. In fact, I’d say that women are more likely to give someone a second chance than men are, more likely to wonder if there’s something about the guy they’ve missed. Men are very visual. If a man isn’t attracted to a woman, he is very unlikely to ask her out again.
@ #35, From reading the post, sounds to me like James is a negative guy who thinks everything is always someone else’s fault, never his own. It is possible to be successful in your work, and still be all these things in your personal life. Just based on the fact that James can afford a dating coach like EMK (which I can only in my dreams), he sounds pretty successful to me.
@Katarina, it has to be very hard to understand the way that we do things when viewing them from the outside. Different cultures clearly have different expectations when it comes to dating and marriage, and I think it is always hard when someone who isn’t from the U.S. attempts to interpret what we do and why we do it.
I definitely have known many, many people from cultures where dating is rare and marriage is frequently arranged, and I can’t claim to understand how they deal with the attraction factor.
But I also think that in those countries, people who can get away with it find chemistry with someone else, since the downside to the absence of choosing a mate seems to be that it frequently goes hand in hand with divorce being extremely looked down upon.
So I agree with you, but it’s also true that it can be hard to explain it to someone who wasn’t raised in this culture, especially to someone who has decided to jump on the bandwagon that the problem is that Western women are superficial, trampy, and materialistic.
Evan, it’s funny that you bring this topic up.
I once dated a man who complained about dating, he was so nice and they all were flaky, too busy, too this, too that.
What it really boiled down to in his case, was that he didn’t want to truly commit to anyone, and probably still doesn’t, because his Mom wears the pants and has to approve his relationships, and he’s now 40 years old! And from what I recently heard in the grapevine, he is currently still alone.
Usually when I hear a guy or a girl go it’s all on them, I think uh oh, this is somebody who’s got issues. When every date is bad, or everyone of that gender is a problem, then it’s usually that person who’s got the problem. I used to think that way too, but then I grew up and realized I needed to make some changes.
And it’s making dating a lot easier. I just know more about what to expect (or not) from men, and it makes things so much less dramatic, stressful, etc.
Thanks for this thought, it was great!
I’m a Seattle girl and I know a guy named James who is exactly like this and I thought to myself for a split second “maybe Evan just WROTE that he was changing the names but in fact didn’t.”
I am thrilled to discover that both were made up. Seattle chicks are the COOLEST. I think that anyone generalizing HUGE groups of people is denying their own shortcomings. It’s the same across the board. If you keep having to quit jobs or keep getting fired because there’s something wrong with every manager and how every manager does business. . .there’s actually something wrong with you.
If you keep trying the same approach and it never works, change your approach bro.
Where are they? The only ones I meet are stuck up and selfish. Well, except the ones that aren’t single.
I’m being serious. I’ve lost count of how many Seattle women I’ve dated and they’re all shallow and cold. Doesn’t matter how the date goes, they never want a second date.
At some point is delusional to suggest that men don’t have a point when the women treat men so badly.
What are you doing on a blog that is designed to help women understand men? Illustrating what they should avoid in a partner? This victim mentality blame game doesn’t look good on women; not sure why you’d think they’d find it appealing on you.
I don’t think lying to women is helpful. A lot of them genuinely don’t know how harmful their actions are. Even when the actions seem harmless enough and aren’t done with malice.
If they want a good guy then not taking our feelings seriously and actively punishing the desired behavior while rewarding bad behavior is probably not helpful. And yet that happens do often that it’s a cliche.
And considering that there isn’t any real accountability for them until they wake up one day and realize that those guys they ignored and mistreated are no longer available just plain sucks.
It’s a kindness for somebody to be willing to let them know about the consequences rather than be shouted down.
It’s so sad how many would rather pretend like I’m a monster rather than acknowledge the truth that if you want there to be good guys available for dating, you have to be willing to date us or at least not waste or time so we can find somebody that does. Nobody has infinite time and only billionaires have near infinite money
Blaming James for what could well be the women he’s been dating does everybody a disservice. There’s just too many other great guys being ignored and mistreated for it to be something wrong with me.
I’m literally the guy that many women claim to want. I have no shortage of women willing to waste my time for a cheap ego boost. I’m not also going to take the blame for being treated like a sex object as well.
Ted no you’re not. You’re not the guy that women say they want. You THINK you are, but that doesn’t make it so. I know from good guys. I’m dating a good guy. Evan’s a good guy for crying out loud. You . . . you insult all women, the concept of feminism, blame everyone else for your problems, and think it’s okay to have a bad attitude because it’s not your fault. None of that is what women are looking for. I don’t know how you define “good”. I assume it’s that you don’t beat women or psychologically manipulate them. But you do dislike women. And you don’t seem to respect them at all. And you think they owe you something which is particularly icky. So for a lot of women that’s really not what they are defining as “good”.
@Callie, you say that on what basis precisely?
You assume that I’m a horrible human being because I have the nerve to notice that women have been treating me badly and be upset by it.
Considering the rather sexist interpretations that you and anicewoman have been putting on my posts, I’m not sure what I could say that would make my point better than you two.
And BTW, there are a ton of women that would take exception to your assertion about feminism representing them. Feminism represents a subset of middle and upper class women. There’s a ton of women that disagree with them. And some of the most interesting anti-feminists are women. Not to mention that all of the earliest men’s rights organizations were started by women that were concerned for men’s well-being.
This whole article was a massive missed opportunity. EMK could have used this as a teachable moment about why women should be nice to nice guys or how frustrated guys can do something about it that’s more constructive.
And yet, he took the usual approach that you see in the media to shame James. Granted, he did use a pseudonym and change enough details that we don’t know who he is, but he did shame him none the less.
Ultimately, karma does exist and expecting that men will put up with this sort of abuse and neglect purely because women are entitled to better treatment is ridiculous.
I didn’t choose to be sexually abused by my female classmates when I was a kid. That was something they chose to do and I find it to be highly problematic that you just assume that I’m a monster that doesn’t know how to treat women for the mere crime of calling them out for abusing men.
I put the messages here with the hope that at least one woman here would realize that being mean to nice guys is bad for everybody.
But, considering how little value society places on men, I shouldn’t have been surprised.
There’s still a chance for you folks to find somebody, but if you can’t learn to treat men with respect and value for our sake, perhaps self-interest will do it. No guy in his right mind is going to settle for a woman that views men as less than human.
To #2: Smash, I personally think that men in Seattle are not all that great either. 🙂
So far I have never met a Seattle man who would be smart, funny, holding a job, good-looking (at least, not obviously disproportional and taller than 5″5), single and interested in me at the same time.
I really don`t know what the heck is going on with Seattle. Could it be that all the good Seattle men are paralyzed and bed-ridden after getting into some horrible skiing and biking accidents? Go figure.
Or perhaps sick of being treated like mr. Rightnow rather than a potential Mr. Right.
There’s plenty of good guys, but we get cranky and bitter from all the game playing.
Maybe they’re only 5’5″ because the coffee stunts their growth.
Well one cannot fill a cup that is already full.
Or something similar quite a few martial arts sensei always say about students who refuse to be taught.
So James is going to keep having issues. Plus his being negative is probably the main thing holding him back.
And I’ll bet it was one or two women that have him that way.
I have the opposite problem. I can find a pretty good amount of personalbe ladies in my area. Problem is the ones who actually are interested in me seem to all want marriage and kids. ?Which they express after 3-6 months of dating.
And I prefer a long term committment where each of us has our own place so if one person wants out I do not have to deal with court cases, moving out, ending a lease and all the other legal and financial matters that come with which I have already gone through once.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and defend the OP. And it doesn’t have to be Seattle it could be any city in the U.S. Women these days are incredible; as in judgmental beyond belief. I’ve had women reject me within 3 words of an email from an incredible written profile. It really doesn’t matter what you do, what you say, how you dress or how you act; it is never good enough. They whip out the “creepy stalker freak” label before you’ve even opened your mouth. And then they turn around and use the “why are men so passive and won’t take charge” excuse. Well ladies, men are so confused at what you want they are afraid to say or do anything because they are afraid they will be arrested. Frankly, it is far easier and safer to stay home and watch porn. The next time you start judging someone you don’t even know and whip out the “creepy stalker freak” label please think of this: you are ruining the dating life of men and women everywhere. Just shut the hell up, try to relax and have an open mind, and really try to just have a good time. Then teach all your girlfriends to do the same.
Jim said: “it is never good enough”
Wow. I’ve had some poor responses from women, but nothing this bad.
Gretta /41/ – so well said – great…
We all come to the stage of blaming the opposite sex for everything,but I agree with most of the ladies here- ARE the men who just mess things around , at least in most cases, regardless a woman gives them a chance or not. Men just do not give a damn what a woman want, men are selfish and selfcentered and have their ow agenda and..yes…PLAY GAMES – they lie,they deseive with the only goal – to get laid. Is said that men are straight forward and go directly to the point -noooo, not true, they play games, can promice the world to a woman just to get what they really want… Evan is by far one of the most true direct men I ever heard of…Good on you ,Evan, I envy your wife.
45-Jim said women have to relax and enjoy and wait…hey,Jim,wait for what..? If you didn’t want relationship on the first place,what will lady waiting lead to- you changing your mind…?! Don’t think so.. Or if you already told the woman you love her and you keep going out with her and loving your time together- than what is your problem to have relationship and move things forward..Whats wrong in getting married and having family, why men should play games
Everyone have to honest and straight forward from day 1 – the truth may hurt ,but the pain will pass and the gratitude from the truth will come. LIes and games are much, much more hurtful and last veeeeery long time and than transpare onto next partner or notion of such..They also do not give a choice to the person , lies are controlling instrument for men to get their momentum satisfaction.. So, you James, not only have to change yourself,but you have to start be honest and straight forward and if you do not want relationship – say it to the lady. Women will love the honesty. If I could I would attach here the saga of “Prince Arthur and the witch” – is very , very good in all those topics.
I have to agree here I am from cali and plus I have lived all over ther world. I’ve been stuck in this miserable failure excuse of a dating scene for 7 years and I must say that these women are some of the coldest, most frigid, bitchiest, immature, emotionally inept, self entitled, passionless, stuck up and ironically enough easiest to get into bed instead of a relationship females I’ve ever dealt with in my life.
Formal
i don,t get it. They will have sex with you but don,t want a relationship?
sex is way easier to come by than a relationship here.
you know the biggest realization i have came across about this place is that people are afraid of eachother.
this is no passion, excitement, or sexual energy.
just fear
Well, look at this. Mel Gibson ended up with the woman he was with and then turned around and complained about it. Look at the woman in the movie Signs that he was with. Now compare those two women. No wonder he went crazy. He is supposed to be with someone for their spirit and picked someone for her looks. No wonder!
That is most of Hollywood. People there are too worried about looks and their own image. The person they marry must fit the appropriate image. This is true for both men and women there. I also don’t blame them. I once took part in The Bachelorette forums, and a discussion on Jennifer Aniston started. It was about who she should pair up with to form a Hollywood power couple. It seems some Aniston fans were rankled at the way Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had become a hot item. I suggested that she should find a man that she loved, and not worry about the image. I made the statement that her perfect mate might not be famous, might even be a construction worker. You would have thought that these people were Catholics and that I had suggested the Pope marry a prostitute drag queen. So that proves that famous people like Aniston are not free to marry who they want. Her fans wouldn’t stand by her if she married a construction worker. They wanted her to marry somebody like George Clooney.
if we had much more better educated women out there today, then many of us good men would not be cursed at by them when we are trying to start a normal conversation with the one that we are attracted too.
#51
‘much more better educated women’? :-/
#52 very true, and i never expected to have a woman Curse at me when i thought that she was nice to meet. would i Curse at a woman if she came up to me to start a conversation with me?, certainly not. that just shows you how many very nasty women that are out there these days, what a shame. then they wonder why us Guys can’t meet a decent woman anymore. then again, these type of women are certainly not worth meeting anyway.
Yes, a change of attitude helps a lot. For me, learning to date again, and trust again is a big thing.
What helps me enormously is feedback from some of the kinder gentlemen on here, and those out in the big wide world – those who are married and treat me with respect and don’t come on to me.
Those singles who tell me I look great (and I tell them when they look great too).
The everyday men in our lives who smile at you or who are just sweet.
Looking round at men and asking myself, hey, if he was single, and asked me if I wanted a coffee, would I say yes? (Yes, I jolly well would!)
Women have been elevated to God status in this society, and the worst part is most women believe that crap.
Every American woman is waiting for Brad Pitt or George Clooney to wisk them off their feet….even when they are 300 lbs.
Matt, (#55)
I constantly tell women that they need to change their approach to dating. So does Evan.
Guess what. You’re still not going to get a girlfriend.
Even though I tell women they need to change, I also tell women that they should avoid men like you … and VeryMuch (#51), and Formalhault (#47), and Jim (#45), and James (original post) etc.
Any man or woman who blames the opposite sex for their own dating difficulties is going to be a lousy boyfriend/girlfriend. This is true for the men I mentioned here (and many more like them). This is equally true for the women who keep insisting that Evan needs to tell men to change.
If you’re a woman who has been insisting that men are the problem, and Evan needs to tell men to change, you sound just as unappealing as Matt, VeryMuch, Formalhault, Jim and James. They’re not going to stand a chance until they realize that they need to change.
Think it through.
INTERESTING….. but I agree that TRUTH is the game changer. You are #53. I suggest that #43 came across as a rant…. but the jux au pont is important and correct in this mix.
In general…
Men seem to take the approach “whatever gets me the attention that I need” is best.
Women are more focused on sharing. One equals honesty, one equals lies and puffery.
I agree Karl telling other people to change what they do is useless.
The only people we can change is ourselves and we have to want to do that. By doing this we may inspire them to want to change themselves or they may still not want to. If they don’t we just have to decide if it is a dealbreaker to the realtionship and if we are a match. Or if we don’t like it but will tolerate and live with it.
examples would be if we are with a man or woman who drinks too much and we would like them to change and stop drinking.
We could keep trying to make them change, nag, cry, plead, hide their drink etc. Or we could simply change what we do and stop focusing on trying to change and control what another person does.
Out the focus back on us and state that we no longer want to be in a relationship with someone who gets drunk. They then decide that they want to stop or not. Either way if being in a relationship with a person who gets drunk makes us unhappy this way change will then occur. Either they will decide themselves they want to stop or we decide we are leaving the relationship. And get to choose a better person and match for us which will make us feel happier.
By changing what we do, we open the door for change one way or another to occur.
Same with monogomy. Or any other issue that is important to us.
When we blame other people for our unhappiness we are putting our lives and happiness in their hands. Giving away our power and control over our own lives and happiness.
I just scrolled up and read #45, wow. Show of hands – how many women here have actually used the words “creepy stalker freak” in an email to a guy, or on an actual face-to-face date? I know I haven’t. None of my guy friends that are single and dating, have ever been called one. I would say, if a man gets called “creepy stalker freak” by a lot of women he tries to date, then it would probably do him a lot of good to sit down and reflect on what about him may have given off this vibe. Like really sit down and analyze – what was the thing you said or did right before she said “creepy stalker freak”? Because it sure enough is not a common occurrence!
Lucky you’re in the US of A. You clearly do not know British women. That line is a staple of many around these parts.
Well with the kind of women that we have out there nowadays really speaks for itself.
The basic flaw in your reasoning here is that James is expected to change himself, almost entirely; to perceive women differently, further change his “intent” which translates from finding a woman to love, reproduce, and build a life with, to one of reckless abandon and blatant disregard to any outcome, further allowing any pieces to fall where they may along the way. What you’re talking about equates to self fulfillment which, unfortunately, never coincides with the safe and strong foundation which James is seeking in the form of a family he can call his own.
At no point did James convey that he had a problem getting laid; that’s easy in a liberal society where the average woman’s mentality is most comparable to that of a trollop in nineteenth century, merry old London, further every bit as incompatible with a family now as they were then. Therefore, as a “dating coach, perhaps you should recognize that not every client is out to simply get lucky…
I’d never spend thousands of dollars on a dating coach. That’s absolutely ludicrous!
James, if you ever read this (unlikely as that may be) just continue to be who you are. Don’t change for anyone, least of all women. Focus on what truly matters to you (for me it’s friends, family, music and my career in the entertainment industry) and everything will fall into place.
There’s no point in changing who you are just so you can be with someone. If a woman isn’t interested in me then so be it. I don’t give a shit.
Boils down to women or I should say most women in the US are self absorbed by feminism, Hollywood and Liberals. It is what it is, I have no sympathy if they are alone for the rest of their lives.
you should try a different angle as a coach.. rather than trying to change his approach or note being able to find him the right woman you might consider exploring why he is not attracting the type of women he wants… i work as a spiritual coach and most of the time we dont receive what we want when we are afraid of it.
LOL. I’ll walk side by side with a woman in a relationship. Let her and every one else know she is the only one. But There will be no bending over backwards. You either want a relationship, or sugar daddy, and I’m not intetested in surgar babies.
Great post! Nothing is more off-putting to me as when a man exhibits bitterness/distrust/entitlement toward womankind in general, and it’s even more damaging to the man when he does so online! I often baulk when my male friends post such status updates on Facebook, and also when I read online blogs with similar themes. I always think to myself “These kids are digging their own grave!” Suppose these men did actually attract this ‘Perfect’ woman they so desire (and believe they deserve). This lady will probably eventually read the blog, and scroll through the Facebook page, and see these comments. I’m certain this would result in this woman seriously questioning who she was getting involved with! I bet these are not men who will find their woman beautiful during pregnancy, and who will continue to love and respect her as she grows older. Of course the same is true for women, and I imagine it is very off-putting to detect bitterness and resentment in the way a woman speaks of men in general. Great article Evan! I hope many men heed your advice!!
One thing I’m learning as I spiritually mature, and it’s very freeing, is just to accept folks where there at. By that, I don’t mean you must be romantically involved with them; I mean you accept them where they are, provided it’s not unhealthy or dangerous. We’re all at different places on this journey and we all have our own race to run. I still don’t know if I ever want to be in a relationship or not, but I have learned a lot as a result of paying attention to what Evan has to say. I was quite naive until I stumbled upon his blog. We don’t have to see eye to eye on every exact thing to benefit from one another’s wisdom and insight.
SO true.. so many men are so bitter and angry I would HATE to meet them.
No wonder they cant find women who are smart… and never will.
Life is like a box of chocolates,, you never know what you are going to find.
So,,,, stop grouping them all together. IF you meet a girl in a bar,,she probably drinks,, duh,, its not rocket science. The perfect women does not exist. I can think of dozens of things I need to improve on and I am so lucky to have a good man. (a top scientist in his field) I am not that educated but I have traveled and I am very informed about todays political and economical issues,, we can all learn.
One of my neighbor’s is a singleton and I know why… he is so full of himself and expects the women to do all the work (he wears sweats and she must look like miss Universe) in the relationship. I want to tell him but if I mention it he just complains and says:”””Its them not me”””.AHHHHH.
He is almost 50 and still single..I think he likes it that way or he would change.
“You’re not “wrong” that men could improve in 100 different ways. You’re mistaken in thinking that men are going to improve. Your job isn’t to CHANGE men.
It’s to become the kind of woman who UNDERSTANDS men, ATTRACTS men, KEEPS men happy, and CHOOSES good men. This is the key to a successful relationship.”
I think this is why I tend to enjoy time with younger women instead of women more in my target range. With women in my target range, a date often feels more like a job interview, and may men I know have expressed these same sentiments. But Evan is right…I can’t make women in my target range change to be a woman I want to be with. And yet I am at a loss as to what I can change to make this better for me, because it isn’t that I am not attracting women in that range, it’s that I don’t like what I am finding.” I refuse to be in a relationship where I feel I am always going to be the default person who is to blame for everything. Always the bad guy. Sometimes it feels like the more you try to be the good guy, the more you get blamed for what’s wrong.
Another thing I have learned is people are going to be who they are. Extend grace even if it’s not reciprocated. Sometimes we do the right thing for no other reason than it’s right. Doesn’t mean you have to stay involved with the person who mistreated you. But one catches more flies with honey than with vinegar. That’s no less than Evan encourages women to do. He just sprinkles his message with a lot more grace.
Very interesting about being the blame guy. In my current relationship, that I am dumping, this man can insult me, mock me, not show up on time, flake on me and he sees nothing wrong with this … I am wrong to not be understanding and to have “thicker skin”. He states … he can do no right in an attempt to shut down my dislike. This relationship isn’t for me and I will be yet another evil American woman that has rejected him. I do not insult him, mock him, I honor my word, I do not gawk at other men in his presents, etc. Have core values now become “work” ?
I would hate to agree with James in the story, but women nowadays are very shallow! I’ve played the dating field for a little over 2 decades, & women nowadays, even the ones that are from my generation & were not shallow 10-15yrs ago, have become very shallow. More then likely it is because of how society has shifted its thought process on dating in general, that women also have become more independent then 20 plus years ago, & well media has put a lot of ideas in our heads too. I know I will get a lot of flack for what I am saying, but it will be because what I state is fact, & no one women or men, like hearing the truth. See women are looking for their prince charming that will sweep them off their feet, take care of them & their kids from different men, or just be the perfect mate, tall, dark & handsome. This is how more & more women see dating nowadays, you see it online dating all the time! Women making states like “I won’t settle for anything less then the best!” Or “I am looking for the perfect man that is not only cute, tall, & has a career but also is funny!” Etc etc etc & the majority of the women do this. When my parents were dating & their generation was coming of age, height/status/looks were not the focal point like today. Sure they women wanted to date someone cute but if he worked at the local burger joint & was 5’6″ & rode his bike everywhere, long as he made them feel special at that moment & made her laugh, everything else was perfect for her. Not any longer, the man could be 5’8″ a tad chubby & make $25,000 a yr, has a workable car, & could be the funniest sweetest man around but he is not datable to most be cause he is not of 6′ or he is not in shape enough, or he isn’t making enough money to support her! These are facts that occur in online dating nowadays! It has happened to me, my friends, some family, & it is sad & pathetic that most women are becoming the men they so hated 20 plus years ago. You know ladies, the men you’d complain about to your friends that only wants to date sexy women that put out on the first date! I mainly blame shows like sex in the city & media for the way most women have become. Hell it has gotten so bad, most women will not date a man that has custody of his children but wants men to date her & accept her children, double standards! I am one of those men that is only 5’6″, I make $40,00-$50,000 a yr, am a little chubby but trying to get into shape, & have full custody of my children, yet once women see men in person & find out that I do have full custody of my kids, most never talk to me again because either I’m too short for them tho I am taller then they are or they don’t want to have to be apart of other kids lives full time when they have their own to worry about, even tho I would accept their children. These are facts I am stating, because these things have happened, & I cannot change my height or would never give up my children for any woman. Maybe it is women that do need to change, see that once they cross 40yrs old most men don’t want them anyway, so they better start “settling” more & seeing thru the minor details & start looking at that person for who they are not what they have to offer or look like!
It is, after all, simple, really. Divide and conquer. That is what has happened, except this time the people have been duped in their personal life. Who benefits? The pyramidion…think about it…women have become worse than men…men have never been good…how can a good society come out of this? Aha – so now you know – all this is an aspect of depopulation and other social programming, while you are worried about paying your bills, some are worried about paying your pensions, so as they see you as human cattle, they would rather you hate each other than actually love each other and form a strong community. THAT they are afraid of – everything else they can influence, change, profit from…;) ps. Don’t give in – refuse to conform – be your own selves – forget the rest.
Peter Vujin said: “all this is an aspect of depopulation and other social programming”
Good grief. Where is the face-palm button. :-/
Conspiracy-theory much?
So what’s a guy to do when he goes on a lot of first dates and there’s lots of smiling and laughter? Yet gets told repeatedly there’s “no connection” or “no chemistry”? I’ve tried to change. Be a little more flirty. Not so attentive. I don’t ask dumb things like “how is this going” when we are on the date. I’m not bad looking not great looking but I am very thin. It’s my body frame and I’ve tried to work on it by working out but there is only so much I can do with it. Many of the same women have dating horror stories or boyfriend horror stories yet do not give me a second chance. Including one who kissed me for fifteen straight minutes after the date and told me I was “cute, charming, smart and funny” but that knew we would “never kiss again.” My point being that I have made a conscious effort to change what I can. I am attentive to women as individuals. The only times I have had someone call me back is when I showed frustration because they did something really outlandish. By outlandish, trust me, every woman I told agreed, it is just too lengthy to post the stories here. Bottom line. I have tried to change and I treat women with respect and I get the “great guy, no chemistry” line more than you can probably imagine. So what’s a guy to do when he has tried to change, when in spite of being disillusioned he tries to treat women as individuals, yet they still fundamentally act the same toward him? I have dated women of all different backgrounds and shapes and sizes. If we meet online, obviously they liked the picture enough to go out. Then in some cases they liked me enough to stay on the date for several hours laughing and talking. Then they make an excuse to not see me again. I’m sorry but when I have already made more conscious efforts to do things differently than I can count, I can only include many women are indeed the same when it comes to evaluating men. I now avoid anyone who has a bad relationship history with men if I can screen that out before meeting. In other words, cheating or abuse. I seem to do poorly with those kinds of women particularly. Hopefully screening that way helps because it is all I have left.
B said: “My point being that I have made a conscious effort to change what I can.”
I often feel the same way.
My only recommendation, keep working on yourself, keep improving, keep trying, stay positive, and trust that some date will be with a person who feels the same way back as you do.
So, basically, no one is helping or guiding James with what could be a wider issue than dating problems. He’s just to be used as an example of the kind of guy not to be. What happens when he becomes frustrated with his life to the point where it’s no longer bearable? Society is so narrow-minded these days.
This is a allover Western World phenomenon. Why there are differences in culture that vary and being oblivious of them could short cut a date to an early and unsatisfying end, the dating experience above is the same. Evan, your article had a lot of potential you let slip. This feeling and this experience of women, who behave like kids and expect a man to perform while out on a date with him is exactly what I had the last dozen dates in Germany and guess what? I had this feeling of dating sucks. I continued and changed my approach only with the same results and sometimes there is a second date and some kissing. That’s it.
There are a lot of guys like James, by I script him differently, what about if he tells you he wants to submit anything to change, but being honest he does not know if can do so well. Because you are still suposed to be yourself and not pretend to be some phony persona you are not. So this would be interesting, instead of pointing out that James sucks forever. He might conclude to submit himself to change in a while. How about that? It’s a lazy story. Pity!
To Jennifer #49, Grow up already.
He probably knows he’s the problem, but recognizing it threatens him because he’d have to face many of his own defects. This is true for so many people.
He could be unlucky.i work on myself.im in therapy.i work hard.but i still attract men who are like the women james described.im sorry but alot of people now do want to click immediately.its the world today.maybe it is just bad luck.i think best thing is to not try too hard to get somebody and keep busy.i have changed my hair and clothes and approach lots of times.i believe that i should be myself and the rite person will come along when the time is rite.cos sometimes it just is being in the rite place at the rite time.beating yourself up and hating yourself cos you have had bad dates is really dumb.
I think instead of blaming the women for being rotten , why not read books like “Men are From Mars Women are from Venus” I love that book and wish my boyfriend would read it more.. My boyfriend (of 10 years) is a scientist PhD and very geeky and nerdy,, he is very handsome and tall a big mix of weird things but he loves to talk and we are always going somewhere… my advise to James “angry in Seattle” is get these girls to go somewhere on a trip where they can see you in a setting other than a dinner setting or a bar.Yuk, That way they can see you in different situations. I am never comfortable having dinner with a stranger and if I get drunk its going to bring out the weirdo in me.
So,,, say something to the cutest girl you see “Hey,, Im going skiing this weekend would you like to come?” ( NO date.. just a day out.) OR get a pal to hook you up on a blind date and go bowling.. or to a movie.. No embarrassing intimate places..please. Too much pressure to be perfect. IF she says no,, then you saved yourself some time.
@Lorraine You’re not comfortable having dinner with a stranger, but you are comfortable driving into the wilderness for two hours and spending the day on a mountain with them?
Um … how do you know that they’re not going with friends? How do you know there aren’t going to be a bunch of people around at the lodge?
And how do you know that Lorraine might or might not be uncomfortable about dinner with a stranger for entirely different reasons that she might or might not be comfortable being invited to go skiing?
For starters …?
I was with you until I read “Seattle”, that place… The only solution is to get out of there. Book a ticket to Thailand and never ever go back. Settle in Europe afterwards, or South America.
Women can hold out 100X longer than men. A (healthy) man has trouble going ONE week without sex. A woman can go 100 WEEKS (2 years) without sex before she starts getting desperate (like a guy)!
In other words, women don’t need sex.
THEY NEED RELATIONSHIP.
The problem for guys is that women can get relationship from other women (and even sex.) Men on the other hand cannot get sex from other men. Therefore women will ALWAYS have the power in a sexual relationship.
My point? Go climb Mount Everest. Climbing Mt. Everest is EASIER than getting a woman into bed.
The End.
It is true that the women in Seattle, or any other city or place, can not be changed but it is possible to leave the USA for a country where the dating environment is friendlier. I do not really know if I would have been successful in the USA on the dating scene or not since very early on I found American women to be unfeminine in comparison to women from many other countries I visited. I have been very successful in all the foreign countries that I have lived in or spent a lot of time in without the need to jump through any hoops or play any games.
So what you are saying Evan is that successful dating men are superior to women because men can change and adapt and woman cannot?
In your story of James you told him the women will not change, your advice will not change, match.com will not change.. so it all boils down to this: Men must change and adapt to attract a woman because women are incapable of changing and adapting to men.
By your logic, that means men are superior to women because your logic is that change and adaptation are qualities of success. Sticking to one thing and not changing is an inferior quality. That is the message you are telling us using James as the example of an inferior man.
If I am wrong, please explain to me and James and every other guy out there why it’s the men who have to change and why it’s perfectly normal to expect women not to change and that is okay.
Thank you.
I think you have misunderstood what Evan says. I think he has been pretty consistent in saying that women are not going to change men, so if women want something to change in their dating lives, they must make changes themselves, and the same goes for you men. You aren’t going to change women, so if your love life is not what you want it to be, you must make the changes. The advice isn’t women vs men, it is the individual vs the larger group. The individual is not going to change the larger group, he/she can only make changes and adapt.
An example would be a woman dead set on finding a younger husband, but then gets mad when they are more than happy with a short term relationship, but not interested in long term. She can get angry and demand that men get in step with the times, but can’t do anything about it when they refuse. Evan’s advice is pretty consistent. If she refuses to change, she has nobody to blame but herself if she keeps chasing younger guys and only gets short term commitments.
The idea is that if a mountain is in your path, it does no good to wish it would change so that your journey won’t be interrupted. The mountain isn’t going to budge. You have a choice. Adapt and go around/over it, or stay where you are at and keep hollering at the mountain, like a fool.
I read and hear all this criticism of “angry nice guys” and yet not a single person, including this author, ever gives any actual answers, solutions or advice. I feel some sympathy for James since I’ve had pretty rotten “luck” with dating recently, especially online. I’ve met a couple of nice girls, one that seemed like it could have gone somewhere (I moved out the town), but for the most part, my online inbox is full of cobwebs with an occasional response. Most female profiles look more like shopping lists than anything, simply naming every trait they want in a guy: tall, a certain color eyes, certain race, good job, etc.
I truly believe in the “halo” effect, where an attractive person pretty much can do no wrong no matter what they say or do. For men AND women, especially young, it all comes down to looks, period. People deny it but it’s true. There’s a good chance that ‘ol James is simply an unattractive guy, maybe overweight and frumpy, not blessed with a pretty boy face. There’s about 0% chance he’s a Channing Tatum look-alike. I have friends who are true GQ male model material and they put more effort in tying their shoes than getting dates.
What gets me is this hypocrisy in modern America, where women can have “standards” but God forbid a man does. It’s perfectly acceptable for women to outright say “I won’t date a guy who’s under 6’ tall” but if a guy says “I won’t date a fat woman” people go ballistic and say he’s shallow. If anything, having a standard about weight is less offensive since a person’s weight is 100% controllable and usually is related to personality traits and lifestyle. You can’t help how short or tall you are. Ironically enough, from my experience, the shorter the woman, the taller the guy has to be.
I think people should just be themselves. A guy like James could certainly learn to be more positive but aside from that, unless he’s some crazy loon who screams at women or always walks around with a scowl and nasty attitude, there’s not much to change to “attract women”, as if it’s some kind of skill, which it isn’t. If someone doesn’t find you attractive, there isn’t much you can do to change that. Just move on. Most people, men and women, make a determination about someone in seconds and unless the person turns out to be royalty in disguise or something, you can learn all kinds of “tricks” and methods, but in the end, it won’t matter. Much in life can be described through baseball and with relationships, you just have to keep swinging until you hit something. What sucks is that, like in baseball, the chances of success are low so it can be very discouraging.
Pretty much every great, happy couple I know met each other by chance, whether introduced or met by accident/fate whichever you believe, and didn’t have to really “do” anything special or specific. These dating coaches are foolish to think that meeting the “one” is like some kind of job where you have to do certain things. Society has turned dating into a sort of cruel game and that’s why it’s such a miserable place for most people. Men and women, especially young, have sky high standards that reflect maybe 1% or 5% of the population and they wonder why they can’t meet anyone decent.
” A guy like James could certainly learn to be more positive but aside from that, unless he’s some crazy loon who screams at women or always walks around with a scowl and nasty attitude, there’s not much to change to “attract women”, as if it’s some kind of skill, which it isn’t.”
It absolutely is a skill. A skillset, really.
But the people who don’t see that are the ones who are going to continue to have the least amount of success, I’d wager.
Although Evan is completely correct in regards to Jame’s poor attitude, I cant help but think it isn’t really his fault. Ultimately, you cant really change who you are deep inside. They way you think, the way you perceive the world is influenced by many factors including genetics and social conditioning. You can change bad habits, but personality is not easily manipulated. I can tell James is a stubborn and individualistic man, probably has a very troubled past that makes him unable to sync with others. He is jaded, unimpressed by the fact that most women he meets cannot relate to him. Men like these live hard lives, and unfortunately their anti social behaviour is taken at face value. I find it surprising that you do not mention anything about acceptance in a relationship, most people don’t because it is interpreted as settling. He just wants someone to accept him the way he is, because I am sure he has tried to change, but running away from who you are is emotonaly draining and dishonest.
Mr. Coach, I hate to break it you but i think that james fellow DOES have a point. Sure his approach may be wrong. Sure he could learn but the fact is that if you have a certain appearance than you would get a mainly negative experience…
I do not know how james looks but if for example, if you are a “short” guy than most women would say “no” regardless of your attitude. That is just a fact and that is also shallow!! So in your clients defence when you try and be nice to people and you get attitude because of the hand you are dealt with than it can certainty lead to anger issues. So in that respect, james is right!
Wouldn’t women get angry too if they were being passed off for let’s say being too “fat”? I am not saying its right but it does indeed sometimes look that the whole dating game is skewed in favor of certain individuals.
I understand this James guy, the outlook on women, dating and how to approach this. It is very frustrating when it appears women don’t take an interest at all. I see that maybe thats my problem, I believe it truly is me because I did form an unfair prejudice against women because of how most of them do seem to be fickle and unfair as described and its not right of me to do that. Fact is I’ve been single for too long, I don’t understand women at all and what it is that attracts them. I want to get back out there and I want to work on my approach, mainly my lack of confidence. Is there a possibility that maybe you could coach me on how I can work on approaching women and dating? I really want to try again.
I work with men if you can look past the copy for women: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/coaching/coaching-application-step1
Hey Evan I have always had trouble trying to get into a relationship I don’t know if its me but I do have bitterness inside like some of the guys here. I am willing to change anyway to get a girl. I have pursued whales and got rejected I have pursued bad women good women hell I don’t care what I pursue anymore I have gotten turned down by 300 women in a row. I have written down half of these girls numbers down in my phone and name. I am not overestimating how many either I am not fucking with you I am not looking for pity. I don’t want to feel more pain but I rather feel pain than nothing. I use to feel soulless because I wouldn’t feel anything so i have come a long ways from problems. I have a strong sense of pain inside. I have been turned down by 582 women on okcupid online dating app. Another 554 women on meet me dating app. I don’t know on tinder but been using that since it came out. I am done with online dating completely. I have female friends. I am nice to everyone I don’t discriminate I go for all races. Only people into me are gay guys I had 10 gay guys into because I haven’t been able to get anything I am debating on turning gay thats how much I am screwed up from rejection haha. I am not attracted to men either. I understand I can learn to love almost any girl but I am still alone. I am so confused on some advice. My friends are douchebags and get girls easy. Other friends use things like have cancer to get girls but he did have it but no longer. I am tempted to take this road now because of how I treat women so kindly for years. Family members have asked me if I was gay. I have used escorts to get sex out of my head. I care less about sex since seeing an escort I just want connection. This was a valuable experience. I don’t try every girl I see. If a girl smiles and looks friendly I will go talk to her and flirt with her. Only dates I gotten were girls that wanted me to be their sugar daddies. I am highly attracted to latinas but flirt with all women. I am a risk taker. If I see something works and try again to see what type of stuff works with women. To be honest I think in my future I am gonna have to go out of country to find a mate. I am still young in my 20’s. I decided now to stop pursuing for 6 months because I am confused if I have love addiction and planning on seeing a psychologist to see if something wrong with me. I ask women if I offend them when I get turned down. They all told me no. I think it’s all biology and women just maybe just as physically attracted as men in my opinion. Girls I am friends with tell me to try less and stop trying to hang with girls. I also just lost a bunch of friends so I am probably more lonely than ever in my past but I can make more friends. Some people tell me the women are just immature right now maybe. I know the girls I am friends with could date some rich dudes they aren’t and use them for money. I know they are good girls. They are straight fire!!!I just get frustrated at times. None of these numbers are bs again. I workout and completing my major. Maybe I need to try a dating coach. I like trying new things. I am open minded. If you could give me advice that would be much appreciated. I try to also see from a girls standpoint. I am a nice guy always been called this. I don’t mind being friends with girls because I just meet their friends :). I am thinking of being paramedic because I have saved a lot of people already and it makes me feel happy. I have saved 10 people now and switching my major now. I wonder if I am too kind because I care more about others than myself. Even if I see someone drunk on the floor I help them even if I don’t know them. I have done this for all my friends and girls. Even though it can be gross. All I know is I am doing something wrong where my confidence just gets kicked down to crap every 10th try. I have to completely restart my confidence. How can I avoid my confidence being taken down? I have been used by a lot of women also. I need to see this more clearly. I also have a question to you should I be open and tell women how I really feel I have friends that say don’t do that.. Women I am friends with that I told certain secrets to told me to never tell any women in my life them for my own happiness. I am usually really honest I just don’t tell someone something to keep my secret and no one will know. Its easy managing by writing it down and deleting to get out of my head. These secrets are very taboo to society. Like also friends say don’t share emotions because you look weak and not masculine and end up having the girl leaving you because I understand I am always being tested by women. I feel like everytime I try somthing I am playing some bull shit game of mental chess with her. I know a lot of tests and fail some.
Woman are more complex. I was attracted to all of my dates. Woman’s standards are just too high. They said they had a great time but really meant something else. There is no equality here because they decide if there is a second date. So they are God like. Men don’t decide on the second date.
Did you convey to them that you were interested? Maybe they inferred you weren’t. Maybe one or more would have liked to have seen you again but felt you weren’t interested. This is assuming you weren’t trying to just have sex on the first date. I tell you, nothing is a bigger turn off than to feel you completely uninterest a man. I have never ever had a second date. But I’m not attractive and I’m overweight so I’m lucky to just get my foot in the door at all with a single date with a man.
I can understand how James feels. I have been stood up on dates, ignored by women, and unappreciated for things that I do….. But I remember being in relationships with some really great girls and I wasn’t so great in those relationships…. I just recently became ready to settle down and now I need to approach dating with the same patience I was treated with in the past. Its a process. Each day is a learning experience. I know that there is alot of changes I need to make. I’ve been single for 3 years but have only wanted something serious for the past 6 months.
The problem is in fact with the women of Seattle. Go to Texas, Arizona, or anywhere in the south and things are just easy and romance happens naturally without any effort. But in Seattle, nothing a man can do is good enough. The fact is, when you accept that enticing job offer from Amazon there is a fair chance you are committing to a life of celibacy. The locals can’t stand any criticism of their city, but word is getting out that Seattle actually is a pretty awful place.
I’ve lived in many cities, and it’s very hard to go against the flow of a culture. What you get is a function of where you are. If you want an angry entitled woman who can’t make up her mind, come to Seattle. Any time this is brought up they will try to turn the tables on you, and accuse you of being creepy / stalker / loser, too rich, too poor, too skinny, too fat, too muscular, etc., etc., etc. You just don’t get this strange attitude anywhere else. Their final line of defense is typically “sure, you can get a weak subservient women somewhere else, because you can’t handle a strong woman!”. Never mind that a typical Texas girl is a thousand times more assertive and direct than the passive-aggressive weak women of Seattle.
Your article suggests as if dating women is the sole mission of men. Sorry to tell you there are different men like James and Me too. There are men whose sole mission is not to date a woman, rather to find a person who is different. Who gives more and asks less. If two such people come in contact, there’s high possibility of compatibility. And sorry to say, it’s usually the women part, who don’t fit in this criteria, because all they want to do from the first day of a relationship is to change men. And that is not to make the men compatible with themselves, but only to prove themselves that they are important as they are able to make the changes in the men. How pathetic. I think almost the entire women gender need to mental reform in order to make people compatible. Seems like since you are a woman, despite being a doctor or whatever your professional name is, you are not doing anything different than what a normal woman would have done. To change the men… Time to change your profession .. All the best.
I’m curious, but it seems the main argument of men and women is not one of global generalization. Or even sexist ones but of this idea that local cultures of a city produce a majority demographic that’s say of one type of personality… perhaps James real solution is to move. It’s a action and he couldn’t be bitter about a new place.. you used Seattle as a example, not bye accident but I’m sure because everyone thinks there is a air of snobbery. It’s like silicone valley where you have to talk the talk and walk the walk. Remember the confusing lingo etc….. basically if you do not fit the dominant culture of a city. And do not like such culture, you might simply be forced to fish from a much smaller pool. Lastly. How much science on sociology is put into these arguments, I’ve yet to see a study posted. And I’m sure there is tons supporting both sides
As a man i found that being kind and intellegent is not a priority for most women.
Most women on this board claim that they don’t care about looks, but rather character.
That’s a bunch of crock. Looks are part of the “chemistry” that women look for. That’s the truth.
But a man doesn’t need to be handsome or thin. He just have to have a nice features behaves confidently, and dress decently (as in no track suits on dates :)). But if he’s fat or cross-eyed, or is otherwise good looking but behaves in an insecure way, “chemistry” is killed.
I had one date with the latter. He was fit, good looking, but because he acted under-confidently, by the end of the date, he looked average instead of “cute” to me. I was willing to have a second date, but he accused me of being player because I didn’t answer his texts immediately. On the one hand, I was flattered that he thought me attractive enough to be a player. OTOH, I felt sorry for him because he spent the conversation talking about his money and how women took advantage of it. I was thinking, well maybe you shouldn’t be talking about how much money you make with a woman you barely know.
I had another guy, a friend of a friend, fb friend me. He was cute, so I accepted the request. We texted some and had a few telephone conversations, and he too talked a lot about money.
To me, these guys were trying to impress me with their money. I make plenty of money on my own, so a guy making money doesn’t impress me at all. All I could think of was that he was trying to buy my affection and/or he was trying to impress. Doesn’t work on women with money. It would work for women without, but they were setting themselves up to be used.
Save the money talk until she’s agreed to be your girlfriend. Until then, whether you’re a man or a woman, you shouldn’t talk about money on dates, imho.
I went on a first date with a guy who didn’t dress well, had several huge moles on his face, whose eyes were small and close-set. He also lacked even an iota of charisma. I felt ZERO chemistry for him.
However, he and I had had an amazing email exchange before meeting in person so I accepted another date with him. Because of the personality revealed in those emails, I continued to give him a chance. I ended up dating him for close to a year and falling in love with him. We broke up bc he moved across the country but, believe me, not all women need a man with confidence and decent features to ~ eventually ~ feel chemistry and fall in love.
You’re a better woman than most, Henriette 🙂
As EMK often says, “The exception doesn’t disprove the rule.”
I always assume these guys complaining about women not valuing their intelligence or kindness are average to below average in looks or build…and the women they’re complaining about are ones well above their league, meaning if they’re 4s, they’re complaining about the 7 and aboves.
Usually, and I believe EMK cited the study (can’t remember for sure), relationships work best when the woman in the relationship is better looking than the guy. I’ve always interpreted this to mean at most 1-league of looks disparity. A 4 guy rarely gets a chance at a 10, unless it’s in a teen movie or he’s stinking rich. And I assume that most guys who write on this board to complain about choosy women are not stinking rich either.
I’m better in some ways, naughtier in others, @KE. 🙂
Honestly, I don’t consider myself virtuous for dating a guy I at first found ugly; I’m simply not at all a “visual” person. I can be nit-picky, difficult, neurotic in other ways but I’m one of those women for whom chemistry truly can grow from a 0 to an 8, if the personality & character are good.
In the case mentioned above, when we met I was intrigued by the disparity btwn the man’s thoughtful, articulate emails and his unappealing exterior. I agree that I might well be unusual but I wanted to give a truthful counterpoint to your assertion that it’s a “bunch of crock” that women care about personality and not looks. Some do, others don’t.
As far as the “spread” btwn the looks of those dating: I have no idea what score my looks would rate. I do know that when this guy and I were dating, people would make comments to us as a couple that I found hurtful and insulting on his behalf, even tho’ I suspect that they were meant to flatter me*… things like, “what’s a guy like THAT doing with YOU?” or ” Wow, when you said you were waiting for your boyfriend and this guy walked into the restaurant, I thought, well that certainly can’t be him.” Funny thing is, once I got to know him, I still didn’t think he was handsome, per se, but found him deeply attractive and wildly sexy. Far more so than most of the pretty boys I’d see around town. Anyway, I ended up caring for him more deeply than he cared for me. Go figure.
*Hint to everyone reading; a nice, kind woman will not find it flattering when you insinuate that she could “do better” than her boyfriend. She picked him for a reason.
You’re the exception to the rule, as I said 🙂
I personally have never gone from 0 to 8 in chemistry. I’ve gone from neutral (would that be considered a 5, I wonder) to 10 probably. 0 to me would be revulsion not neutrality 🙂
Current bf is that way. I would say I thought he was “Ok” when I first noticed him but found him more and more attractive as he pursued me harder and harder. I guess “effort” jumpstarts my attraction to men as character and personality jumpstarts yours. But I am very visual, not surprising as I almost naturally “think like a guy” and we know how visual guys are. haha So looks do matter to me. He could pursue me like a bat out of hell, but if he doesn’t appeal to me visually, then I might become more creeped out than flattered and interested.
Sorry you lost him, Henriette. You’ll find another gem, I’m sure 🙂
No evan you seem to be incapable of handling “facts” i can find evidence over the web stating to opposite. I’d link some of them but i cant from my phone. But google does wonders.
Except when men like me opt out in mass numbers (and we are,) we start to look like what Japan looks like today. You are working on a theory that there is an infinite number of partners out there and everyone of us wants different things. This is not true at all, there area finite number of men and most of us want similar things in a relationship.
Like i said the false figures thrown out are by you. I bet you even believe 1 in 4 college girls will be victims of sexual assault too right?
No your missing the key fact to my divorce statistics and that is the main reason why I’m going MGTOW. 80% of divorces are initiated by women and 90% ends up wuth the men getting hosed. Now tell me as a man what is so attractive about that?
People become smarter by arming themselves with truth, not lies that you seem to ne happy spreading around.
Feminism today is not about equality. Its about the domination of the matriarchy. It used to ne about equality at one point, but when they got it they kept pushing for more. And there can never be true equality amongst the sexes. Why? Because both sexes are BORN different. The old system that lasted for thousands of years understood this. Feminism does not. The old system understood men are men, and women were women.
Lastly, i do not hate women at all. Quite the contrary, i love the feminine figure. Women are extremely gorgeous, but i i can’t stand the attitude of the modern woman.
Sorry, Kpak. You are discussing this with the wrong guy.
When you’re dealing with partnership on a mass scale, yes, there might as well be an infinite number of partners. To this day, most people who want to get married do get married.
You are just a victim of the confirmation bias, where you seek out information that validates your perspective – even if it’s false. So the divorce rate isn’t 60% but closer to 1/3 of that for educated adults. And 80% of women are married by the time they’re 40; they’re not piling up like cordwood on the side of the road because of guys like you opting out.
As far as my thoughts on the 1 in 4 statistic, I don’t know what to believe and recently wrestled with that here.
As far as your divorce statistics, you are again revealing your blind spot and bias. First of all, I heard women initiate 2/3 of divorces, not 4/5ths. But did you ever stop to consider why? Maybe because their husbands are emotionally unavailable, selfish, busy, don’t help out with housework or childrearing, verbally or physically abusive, unfaithful, or insensitive to be good partners. Men – like you – who think that women are only good for sex? Guess what? Women don’t want men like that. They want partners – and the best husbands are – you guessed it – sensitive to their wives emotional cues and help out with housework and childrearing.
Your last line is laughable: “I don’t hate women; I love the feminine figure.” If there is an epitaph for sad MGTOWs who die old alone, you’ve just written it, my friend.
I’m not sure if you’ll ever realize that I have a healthier grasp on reality than you do – because I’m the one in between feminists and MGOTWs, I’m the one who concedes the validity of both sides and calls out their blind spots, and I’m the one with the happy marriage. But if your stance is bringing you joy and you feel truly emotionally fulfilled by your hatred of “the modern women,” God bless you. Have a blast.
I believe I saw a study somewhere where it said the divorce initiation rate was much closer to 50/50 in states where shared custody is presumed. I need to find it.
this article is crap. no shit men won’t think well of women if his every single experience is the same. it’s like saying if you get burned by a hot stove after trying it 3 times, try it over and over until you don’t feel the burn anymore because you never know when you’ll find a stove that doesn’t burn when you touch it. yes of course you won’t feel the burn at some point:when the nerves in your hand are all gone. don’t you see? when men don’t value their previous experiences anymore it’s because they don’t care anymore about the consequences of their actions. they stop caring because there is no negative consequence anymore, aka they are numb to emotions so they won’t feel pain when he comes across yet another scummy woman. this is why so many women find a decent man and then complain that he’s not emotionally available. no fucking shit he’s not emotionally available because to attract you in the first place he had to lose his ability to feel things.
this isn’t rocket science just basic psychology. women are training men to be psychopathic, and that’s why you see such a disconnect. the sad thing is women will never put on their big girl panties and actually put in the effort to find quality men. oh i’m bigoted you say? just going by the facts, you’ll find me very much accommodating if i do meet a nice girl who doesn’t fit into the box. men’s anger towards women goes away in an instant the moment she provides some real life evidence that she’s different. truth is they just don’t value men enough to want to show them otherwise, they want the men to do literally everything. what happened to equality?
Written like a guy who thinks that dating is like touching a hot stove. It’s not.
You are a guy who calls women “scummy”. You are a guy who justifies being emotionally unavailable. You are a guy who thinks that it’s okay to be angry at an entire gender.
You know what you sound like? The very women you hate.
Chew on that for awhile, learn to be a better man and choose better women, and then come back when you’re done rationalizing your failures. Women don’t owe you anything. If you want to do well with women, you have to be what women want – a nice guy with balls. You sound like an angry, castrated man who blames others for his lot in life.
Evan, you’re just as guilty of confirmation bias. That’s not a point worth arguing because the real facts aren’t found easily in a pile of statistics that spell it out every which way.
I’ve noticed you drilling into some of these posters bases on false assumptions. Perhaps, using a false assumption of my own, because you spend so much time around women you’re beginning to think and debate like them. I wouldn’t draw an ignorant assumption like that, ad hominem attacks weaken ones stance. Assuming from a few posted opinions in a few paragraphs of text that some of these posters must refer to women as “scummy”, or use other derogatory language in referring to women is absurd. They may use shortcuts to describe women in general, meaning not necessarily all, but most. (because most women leaving much to be desired would not be an understatement, and perhaps that’s the same for men) They aren’t stupid, you’re not stupid. If they meant all, then they wouldn’t be here.
What about women that call men pigs, creepy, stalkers, scum, etc? I saw,one poster that said he/she never heard that themselves or from anyone they know. So because in that tiny world it never occurred then it must not occur anywhere? That the most ludicrous, insane, self absorbed rationale possible.
Women, particularly younger women, make those statements often without thinking about what they actually mean and what the consequences could be. They define those words by what they feel they should mean. They are trying to describe that the man is not their type, but by using that language about these guys to or in front of other people unjustly describes the guy. Often she knows nothing about him other than she didn’t like his approach, appearance or whatever, which is fine, except none of those terms describe anything about the guy and are used without thinking to describe some feeling that apparently she never learned to describe using actual descriptive words that convey that meaning. It’s lazy and disgusting. Don’t defend it.
It’s in your best interest as a dating coach to play down the problem and make it seem simply solvable. The reality is there are a load of people with requirements for a partner that are incongruent with what they are offering, and they are both too stupid to give each other a chance and help each other grow. Hence why the title of this article is almost accurate. It should read, “Why Certain People Will Never Do Well With The Opposite Sex”, and should detail more about the shortcomings of both sexes. Instead you shot for the profemale feminist controversy and try to defend the garbage. One sided advice doesn’t help anybody. Pudding with symptoms may appear to help for a bit and may aid in solving the cause, but it will be a recurring is due until the cause is exposed and dealt with. The causes? Many. Don’t be self righteous pricks.
rawr said: “this article is crap.”
Wow. Hurtbags much?
rawr said: “men won’t think well of women if his every single experience is the same.”
If every experience is the same, look for the common denominator. No, I meant you. Unless you are continually asking out the same one woman, in which case refer to the quote given near the end of this post.
Even though I often get a similar response as to why a woman is not interested in me romantically, I wouldn’t say the experience is the same, as each one was a different woman. The end result was the same (I’m still single), but not the experience (some were mutual agreement, some were very kind, some stayed friends, some showed they were a little crazy on the second date, etc.).
rawr said: “women are training men to be psychopathic”
So all of the women on the planet had a secret meeting to plan all of this, and we weren’t invited? Drats.
I don’t know any psychopathic men (abnormal or violent social behavior) who became that way from dating women.
If a few bad dates or a hot stove where you tried over and over caused this psychopathy, then how do you know your psychopathy wasn’t from something earlier in your life, like all of the times you tried to walk as an infant and fell, over and over.
Oh right, but you can’t blame someone else in that scenario.
I’ll quote Einstein: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Try changing what you are doing in your dating.
Folwart said: “What about women that call men pigs, creepy, stalkers, scum, etc?”
I’m sure there are people on the outer fringes of both sides who are bitter and resort to name calling of the opposite sex.
I personally have never heard a woman call a man that who didn’t deserve it. And I know a fair number of women.
The only women I have heard call men names like that are those women who I know were actually abused (physically or sexually) but they also tended to be quite private about that and the name calling until they became good friends and confided.
The majority of women I know are nice.
This is the problem right there to keep as many options possible. Options takes out the urge to demand and going after what you want.
I am not saying that I wouldn’t even talk to different girl but woman of my interest has my single minded attention and its how I get to notice things without even need to tell me. It’s like someone handing you glass of water without you saying so in a hot summer day. (You can’t do this over and over again though)
Tell me if you have paid attention to specific topic in some subject and you get to explain it to someone else. Would you need a book? Would you need to think what to tell next?
How many times you remembered something about a girl and gave the order according to it on a second date. Paying attention will make you move faster naturally as you notice and know something about girl, what is the next thing you want to know and how can you get to know it? Focus bring direction or else it will be going round and round and round in a circle.
Never be a friend of a girl you like, being friendly and being actual friend are different things. Being friend for the long time will kill it. Girl needs to feel that you are there because you are interested in her so she makes no mistake in understanding your motive and yet feels comfortable around you. This can save you a ton of time man. Be the guy who makes her feel threatened in Sexual way (mentally not physically). When is the last time you presented yourself so well that she just couldn’t understand what to say or how to react and simply froze? Too much comfort is NOT A GOOD SIGN as a Sexual partner in early stage.
Don’t wait for positive signals, just tell your motive right from the very beginning. Don’t wait if you know what you want with her. Do you wait for a friendship in bar or pub?
Let your heart guide you, make a story to tell how you guys fall in love. Don’t make it common like oh we see each other at this and we met, date and fell in love. It’s not a love story but merely a convenience story. They selected each other because there was no options available.
All of the dating techniques want you to believe that a diamond will come to you, if you be aloof or hush washy about your intention, wait for her to reciprocate the nice gestures, making sure she replies and on and on and on.
Shut up, you want a diamond go get her. Pursue ruthlessly but with self respect and respecting her choice (must if she SAYS no it is no, move on). She doesn’t tell you anything, you tell her “yeah, I like you or love you. Do you have problem with that?” Stare at her body, Stare right into her eyes, touch her appropriately as many times as you want, tell her if she got sexy ass or whatever, tell her she drives you nuts, call her crazy or bitch or whatever wink, smile and be fun around her and WITH OTHERS. Don’t be afraid to offend her. Don’t be afraid to fight with her.
Man in reality you don’t even have to have sleep with her or go on dozen dates to make her fall for you. Just don’t follow the bs dating techniques. Remember if you can charm up an old lady or other male and make them feel good about themselves naturally, you don’t need any techniques.
Well with much more women today that are Career minded, very high maintenance, independent, very selfish and spoiled certainly has a lot to do with it as to why many of us Good men Can’t meet a Good woman to settle down with, and we have No reason to blame ourselves either since many of us are Not single by choice.
“Career minded, very high maintenance, independent” Hmm, that sounds like most MEN so why would you qualify those things as being selfish and spoiled? Because those Independent Women aren’t flocking to your door? Yes, women are becoming more self sufficient and that’s a GOOD thing. Unfortunately, for some men it’s a problem. They can’t just coast on having a job anymore and are expected to actually have something of substance to offer another person. There are plenty of good women out there looking for love so Mark, you ARE single by choice. You are choosing to discount a large portion of the available female population, most likely because you feel entitled to someone more physically attractive than you are. That, or you are turning women off with your attitude. Either way, those are choices you are making.
Well you have to understand that most women today are totally different than the women of years ago that really had to struggle to make ends meat along with their men when most men and women in those days hardly had any money at all, and most men and women accepted one another for who they were since money was never an issue that many women want today. And now you have so many women today that are very career minded since many women today can’t accept a man for who he is. And for your information i am NOT single by choice. Then again, i usually meet all the stuck up loser women anyway.
Hey all, first a little background on me – I’m 34, finishing my doctorate, former military and federal law enforcement and a professional athlete. My issues aren’t with sense of accomplishment, self-confidence or knowing myself mos def. Also, I found the article funny because I lived in the Seattle area for a few years. I even have an ex-wife there(that lasted less than a year).
I can identify on a few levels of what the subject of the article told the counselor: it certainly DOES seem like most women are searching for that instantaneous PING! that signals ‘this is The One’. Also, yeah, a lot of peoples’ lives are boring, especially the majority of the younger women I date. Nobody lives adventurously anymore, fulfilling their goals and living their dreams. I have. I’ve been told numerous times a month into relationships ‘I’m jealous of you and all you’ve done’.
So, I’ve become the ‘serial leaver’. I have a tendency to see flaws and get fed up. The biggest issue is that these ‘girls’…because they sure as hell aren’t women, have ZERO self-confidence, will take attention from wherever they can get it, and they’re duller than dirt. I’ve gotten to the point where I think about it away from them (because with them everything seems great) and just decide it isn’t worth it, send them an ‘exit text’, then feel like garbage because I’ve thrown away some people who were really good for me.
But my biggest problem: of the many women I’ve been with, including the ex wife, I’ve never REALLY loved a single one. I thought I did, but no. And I know a lot of people I associate with daily who feel the same… There are many people who won’t ‘settle to settle’. And in the end, if it’s between being with someone to avoid being lonely or going it by myself…I pick by myself. I just think the true quality of people is either declining or maybe it was never there in the first place.
Men and women like you remind me of that scene in Good Will Hunting. Robin Williams has to explain to Matt Damon that no woman is perfect, and then also tells him that he isn’t perfect either, and that some woman will have to put up with his flaws and idiosyncrasies. I see so many men and women these days who judge everyone so harshly. They don’t understand that while they likely see themselves as without flaws, or at least without major flaws, they actually have a very serious one, which is that these kinds of people tend to be horrible to be around because of how judgmental they are, and the dim view they have of most people.
Doc80: You run through a litany of complaints about the women you’ve been seeing, seeming to put your single status on THEM not being “perfect” enough for you. They aren’t confident enough, adventurous enough, exciting enough, etc…
Then you say, ” Of the many women I’ve been with, including the ex wife, I’ve never REALLY loved a single one.
It really should have occurred to you by now that the problem isn’t every woman in the world, but you. You are the common denominator here. Frankly, you sound pretty insufferable. Perhaps you are better on your own until you can work out why you can’t allow yourself to love anyone. That’s a pretty sad and lonely state. I’d hate to be in your shoes man.
You are talking rubbish. James is not wrong. Women are the problem, or rather society is. Everyone is becoming more self centred and selfish. It is hard to find true love when society is screwed up. The rubbish written on this site is part of the problem. Stop labeling, stop judging, stop trying to influence and control. This is a problem.
People are naturally selfish. Just the way it is same with men. I just feel like women can have the pick of any man and I can’t even a fat chick if I wanted to.
Well i certainly do have to say that the women of years ago were certainly a lot different than the ones that are out there these days.
Hallelujah! Yep. We are educated, independent, confident professionals. That should not intimidate a “real” man. If you are also educated, confident and independent you will not be intimidated or repulsed by women who can stand up with you. It’s only the insecure and entitled who are whining about not being able to achieve their idealized version of the woman they feel they deserve. As women are becoming more economically and academically equal they are beginning to expect the same things in a lover as men always have. Men want a woman they find attractive. We want that too. Men want women who have nice personalities and aren’t bitter and angry. We want that too. Men want someone to put them first and support them. Ditto. The truth is that we basically want the same things. You get back what you give. If you want a sexy, sane, nice, fun lady then BE sexy, sane, nice and fun!
The trouble is that many of you women that are educated, independent, confident professionals, need to grow up since many of You are Not all that which You think You’re. Your mind is Not developed yet since many of You now think that your God’s gift to men because of the high Position that you have at your job. Just remember, the job that many of you have now may Not last forever which many of you may be on the unemployment line again like so many others since the job market is Not all that great like you think it is. As for me, even if i met a poor woman which i will be very happy to be with instead of the ones that are out there these days.
Maybe you’ll consider me elitist but, unless English is his not his first language, I do have the requirement than any man I date have at least a fifth grade grasp of grammar and punctuation. Sexy guys from across the pond get a pass on that but, if you grew up in the US, you’d better work at becoming functionally literate.
It is just too bad that we don’t have a real time machine to send many of you women back in time to see what it was really like for the real women that had to struggle along with their men to make ends meat. The ones out there now have to be very careful since we don’t want your false eyelashes to fall off, and be very careful that you don’t crack your nails which are fake anyway.
Seriously, I think you’ve missed the point here entirely. It is MEN Who expect women to wear false eyelashes and pretty, lacquered nails. I don’t give a crap about that kind of stuff. I have never had a pair of false eyelashes in my life. I very rarely even wear mascara. I don’t wear heels because they are bad for my feet and back. These are all just more examples of how men expect women to contort into parodies of themselves to suit some absurdly unrealistic feminine ideal. The truth is that I probably resemble our ancestors far more than most women. I am strong, unadorned and able to work both physically and mentally. What I won’t tolerate are misogynistic constraints on women that men like you want to return to because modern women no longer have any interest in catering to your whims. Have something worthwhile to offer a mate or go home. We are no longer servants to the male gender. Any man with a sense of common decency doesn’t need to be told any of this though, so I fully anticipate my words will fall on deaf ears.
“It is MEN Who expect women to wear false eyelashes and pretty, lacquered nails.” That’s not really, true, Al. Unless you think that MEN are the ones running women’s magazines. My wife cares FAR more about her looks than I do. She dresses for her, her friends, and me, in that order. So you may speak for yourself, as always, but don’t act like the women’s beauty industry is a misogynistic plot. Capitalistic, maybe, but you should probably withhold your blame.
Aside from all that Seriously, who are you to decide what a “real” woman is anyway? I have all the requisite parts, therefore I am as “real” a female as it is possible to be. I completely refute your ridiculous belief that you have some right to tell an entire gender who they “should” be in order to please poor little you.
Well Evan, to be fair, I am looking at the world through my own lens. I Imagine there are some women who would continue to put on makeup every day, get manicures and wear heels if men didn’t value these things so highly but I don’t personally know any. In fact, most women seem to cut way back on all of that as soon as they find a mate and get married, something I’ve heard many, many men complain about. That indicates to me that they value a woman putting in the effort to be “pretty” for them. This kind of experience is what led me to make the above comment.
Oh, and it may not be men directly running those women’s magazines, but if you crack one open you’ll find it mostly deals with how to attract, please or keep a man. You don’t see a lot of articles in there about how to look great for your girlfriends, so yeah, it’s still pretty much about being appealing to men in the end.
By the number of replies, I am guessing that this is an older blog entry. I also just skimmed the merits of Seattle (and whether or not this was really Seattle), and I agree that the problem is James – not the city. I lived in Seattle for several years and had a lot of dating success there. Plus, he should quit bitching about the quality of prospects and look at the quantity. It is a CITY after all. I live in a much smaller city now and the selection is far more limited.
Regardless, I dated James’ type along the way. High maintenance as hell. The problem is definitely HIM.
Evan,
love and appreciate your direct honest approach. You sing the truth. Have been following your blog for almost 3 years and have learned so much and made such significant changes in my dating habits and as a result are more confident, happy and successful. I make wiser choices now as a result and really think things through. I no longer feel like a victim or that something is wrong with me. I feel confident and secure whether I am in a relationship or single. That has never happened before. Thanks for telling it like it is. Keep singing.
If he’s so pissed off at women and so thoroughly disappointed in them, why does he waste his time pursuing them? He could do better things in life by just refocusing on his careers or his passions, instead of just beating his head against the brick wall that is dating. Perhaps he just likes being miserable.
I treat my fiancée really well, i just about pay for everything, do pretty much everything she wants to do and i feel as though im getting taken advantage of. I’m always getting nagged at, she is never in the mood for sex. So the treat women nicely bit is bull shit.
Get Out.
If you don’t like the way you are being treated, leave the relationship.
I think what it comes down to is bitterness or that’s not even fair, frustration, from failure to get life needs met. I bet this guy if the women had high interest level and were flexible givers, he’d be happy. Yeah it sounds like I’m quoting someone like a cult member or some system. I am yeah but I happen to believe it is a good way to describe things. Why improve on the truth. So the question is why don’t .. well let me come at it from a different approach. I’m not an expert on the subject. I don’t understand women completely, or modern ones, or society. But I’m a decent critical thinker. Now
I understand (and this is the crux of the matter I think) that raising a guy’s interest level is relatively easy- love at first sight. Raising a woman’s interest level into the 80s or 90s is very difficult actually. A 25 year old might not be interested in dating but rather pursue her career. This is not (just) because of her life goals, but because her interest level has not been that high in a man before- above lets say 70. Men struggle raising interest level in women, or modern women. But that’s placing burden on men, and implying its their job to raise interest level in women. Maybe they’re supposed to build careers, develop themselves and then find a woman with an above 51 percent interest level, and then raise it in her only, but drop her if her interest level is or ever goes below 49. But the fact of the matter is maybe- as Warrel Farrel puts it, women are looking at the top 1 percent of men and claiming there’s a shortage of good men- her standards are so high. That sounds judgy, but where is the high interest level in women? I’ve had the good fortune when I was younger to get the interest level in certain women really high. I was kind of a kid then, naive about sex, but passionate. I know the feeling, when a woman has an interest level.Botttom line factor says this guy in Seattle cannot raise interest level in the women or he probably wouldn’t be bitter. But again that’s only one way of saying it- implying its high job to raise her level. You could also maybe better say he can’t develop himself in an authentic way in which he manages to meet women who develop a high interest level in him. The bottom line factor is the same, women’s interest level in him is not high on a regular basis- and it only takes one, so this is the bottom line frustration factor which causes him to blame seattle women. This makes sense but there’s only one question left for me. Why? Why don’t women have high interest levels in more seemingly together men? Was it always thus, for my forefathers? Or is this noveau? What’s the trick? Is there a trick? Being like carey grant, being edge and going your own way violating social norms but doing so in the right way? Yeah why? Is it a cruel joke of a god or supreme being that says men will have high interest levels easily and women will have them as rarely as men have them regularily. WTF. But I imagine, when you do get a woman with a constant high interest level, and you get her locked into a relationship, your life may be humming. And maybe a lot of the difficulty has to do with changing your thinking, getting your karma like a train or ship or truck trailer turned around 180, or 120, and changing your habits. Maybe this is it, but the bottom line is I think her interest levels are low, and he reacts- and we all know the best men don’t react, right? Or do they, passionately?! Its all her interest level. And if her interest level is low, she has all the power (not that she wants it, unless she is an extractor, of bad character). and if she doesn’t love you anymore and you either and you’re going to break up, she won’t let you leave her, she’ll say come back and then she’ll leave you a month later so she doesn’t bear the psychic loss. I read that in a Doc Love article. See how dating is crazy, and you get head games played? And see also how these things nobody taught in school about psychology are real? Yeah but a high interest level women never plays games. She may be structured- that’s different, but no games, she’s straightforward. That’s Doc Loves idea. Is it true? And if she’s a flexible giver and you can keep her interest level high, and you like her, and she has integrity, you may be set for life! So don’t kill interest level, don’t kill confidence or control or challenge.
gerald, I found your reply interesting.
gerald said: “Why don’t women have high interest levels in more seemingly together men?” -and- “Is it a cruel joke … that says men will have high interest levels easily and women will have them as rarely”
I have often wondered this, and would love to hear some feedback from other people including Evan.
It’s almost as if when they see a guy who is mostly together (9 out of 10 positive points) they will forcibly discount him for that 1 missing point.
I have always found it difficult to try to pinpoint what exactly women are interested in when it comes to men, half the time it seems so random. Couples that I see together I often don’t see what it was that connected them. Maybe I have some sort of Alexithymia. 🙂
gerald said: “I read that in a Doc Love article.”
I’ve read some of his stuff. He is very alpha male, don’t show any weakness, always be in the zone to keep her interest up, kind of a thing. Some of what he says seems to look ok on the surface, but somehow feels off to me.
Most of the women of the 50’s and 60’s were certainly much more better, and once the 70’s came around they really have changed for the worst. The women that were married back then did make a much better wife than now that is for sure. Today most of them really stink and their a bunch of losers just by the way they act towards us men with their very bad comments they make about us. Look at yourselves in the mirror which many of you are the problem, not us.
Just pointing out that Steve, Seriously and Ron are all the same guy under different names. Stick with one identity, my friend. You may not sound like a reasonable debate partner, but at least we know who we’re debating.
I think we’re all different and unique like a beautiful painting, but since we’re people we end up smudging ink and cause each other to develop things like disorders and mistrust.
I’ve spent the past year getting over my cheating ex who gossiped and got me fired. It took awhile but I realized that I made just as many mistakes s her, so I’m just trying to better myself in hopes some girl with see what’s inside.
I’m sorry it took over a year to get over a cheater. Shouldn’t take that long, though.
Focus on the cheating part after the breakup instead of the good parts. Use the anger to propel you away from her.
Instead of looking back with regrets, on her behavior, on your behavior, keep saying to yourself, “I dodged a bullet with her. Thank god for small favors.”
Reflect on your relationship for lessons learned, not for nostalgia for what could have been “if only…”
It is quite hard to not sympathy for James. He is correct in many ways that he should not have to change himself. People should not need to compromise themselves just find love. If he is a decent guy who are you to tell him hebisnthe common denominator? Society plays a huge factor and he is right in many ways that people have become harder to date.
Love is two people who compliment each others personality traits. The only thing James can do is to keep plugging away. He might be able to tweak his approach without changing who he is also, but even that is more than I would do. I tend to feel like him but I will never give up or give in to defeat.
I see where hes coming from, i hate to say it but other then for feminism, animal or human rights, and environmental causes, woman are the last ones to value personal principles. Someone should not need to change in order to find a relationship. if they do then that isn’t a relationship with them, its a relationship with what you made (in this case) james to be. I feel sorry for anyone you have “helped”…
max said: “Someone should not need to change in order to find a relationship.”
So you have no bad habits or rough edges that could use some finessing?
How is your luck with women?
I am constantly striving to become a better person, in all ways in my life, not just in relationships with women. I take what I have learned from previous failed relationships and apply that to try to better myself as a person and a better catch for a woman.
But apparently you think doing that is a waste of time?
It seems like alot of effort to literally gain nothing. I read this thinking ,James you need to make it all about them, because when dealing with narcissist it is all about them. Once you tap into their ignorance then you can have anything you want, and you don’t even have to be sincere. Women love liars. I gave you the best advice of all flirt and lie and they will drop their panties for you. I know that Simone will read this and get pissy , but I to felt like James until one day I stop caring for these shallow women who always seem to hurt me , but now I play their game and it pisses them off because they can’t win. Chow!
Ahhh…so basically this white man is telling guys to change themselves to be more desirable to superficial (mostly white) women? Genius. The truth is, women online are nuttier than a squirrel’s crap after three Payday bars. You get volume of attention, which in turn, makes them excessively picky and even more superficial. Plus, these are the type that never EVER look in the mirror because they don’t have to. Evan, I give you props for making money off of your racket…another white success story.
Thank you for pointing out that my success is largely based on my color – and that the majority of my paid clients reflect my demographic.
Now be sure and tell Paul C. Brunson that he’s a great black success story. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.
James and I are in the exact same position except women won’t even meet me in person. They really are that shallow and in he comfort in their own phones or tablets they lack class, manners and general respect for any other human beings. I’m glad he didn’t work with you, there is NO reason why anyone should change themselves (who are honestly good people) for gain with the opposite sex. Id rather be myself, unhappy and lonely than not myself with someone and miserable knowing that the moment im myself they’re gone. Long story short women in this day of age are really, really shitty people.
My friend, if they don’t want to meet you, I’m sorry to say that it says more about you than it does about the entire gender. 50 million American guys are married. Evidently, some of them are willing to talk with men. Instead of changing in any way, you keep doing what you’re doing and remain unhappy and lonely. You win?
Lol this guy just doesn’t get it because you’ve never lived it. Try getting harassing and cruel comments from women on a nearly daily basis just because of how you look. 50 million men huh? That’s cool. How many of them are happy? How many of them have wives that are cheating on them. There is no doubt in my mind that women are losing out by being so shallow with me, if they aren’t willing to change neither am I. You need to get your balls back and stop telling men to change to accordance to women’s needs…especially when they do nothing but objectify men.
You play a very common game today: if a woman misbehaves it is not the woman’s fault, the man must change. The truth today is that most women have been indoctrinated by the feminist agenda are just self-entitled bitches. And this has nothing to do with how they approach them. That is because they are like spoiled children that only want to have it their own way and be consoled when the shit hits the fan because of their choices. They want the power to make choices but not the responsability that comes with it. I have a feeling that by your coaching he would get the women he wants but feel miserable in a relationship with either one. In my opinion his problem is that he wants the whole package, an ideal woman. He should just stick with a few characteristics that make life with her livable and start from there. I am not say to date a Sasquatch, but if women that are beautiful usually also have an attitude problem. If you can control that by been authoritarian without looking as one ok, if not lower the standards. Also bars and parties are the worse place to find a normal woman
You play a very common game too, cyp. It’s called “Let’s all give our knee-jerk reactions based on the title and maybe the first couple paragraphs, without bothering to read till the end.”
The article discussed a particular man who was having trouble in his love life that was likely traceable to painting huge numbers of the opposite sex with negative generalizations, and blaming them all for his own problems and baggage. The author then went on to tell women that they should learn from this example and not do the same to men and then blame all men for their own problems and baggage.
And how do you and the other MGTOWs respond? By doing exactly what Evan here warned all men AND women NOT to do: painting huge numbers of the opposite sex with negative generalizations and blaming them for problems. The irony is palpable.
I am not a MGTOW. I am just stating some facts. And unlike MGTOW I believe that if you tell your partner what is bothering you is better for both. Either you end it quick either both take steps toward compromising and finding a stable solution. Also I am not generalizing . feminists do not include all women. not all women hate men. can you explain why some women “blame all men for their baggage”? maybe because feminists keep repeating that is men’s fault?! oh and about negative generalizations of feminists read about the white feather shaming.
OK, so you’re not a MGTOW. But you’re still generalizing. Not all feminists are alike, and not all feminists hate men. In fact, there’s been a lot of fractiousness between the various groups, some of whom would rather reread Shulamith Firestone and dispense with men almost totally, and some of whom simply want to be paid similarly for the same work in the same conditions.
The phenomenon of wanting to blame all members of the opposite sex is not gender specific, nor is it reasonably attributable to either feminism or the MGTOW movement. I think it is human nature to want to attribute your problems to something outside of yourself, to eliminate the need for self-examination or self-blaming. It’s easier and more comfortable to think everyone else needs to change. But ultimately the only person you can ever change is yourself.
(Oh, and what the WWI “white feather” shaming of supposedly cowardly men a hundred years ago has to do with the state of modern dating is a complete mystery to me.)
I could not reply directly to your comment so I will reply here.
1. there is no pay gap. Women in average are actually paid more for doing the exact same job. The pay gap comes from averaging every working man and averaging every working woman. And since a janitor job or a MCDonald job does not pay the same as a programmer or a doctor there will be differences. The difference is because women tend to avoid hard and stressful jobs which of course pay beter.
2. “Oh, and what the WWI “white feather” shaming of supposedly cowardly men a hundred years ago has to do with the state of modern dating is a complete mystery to me” it has to do with feminism being based on lies and man hating. You cannot call yourself a feminist and say you do not hate men. And this is not a generalisation is the truth: every feminist hates men! The right the vote for instance was given to men about the same time as women got it and men were force to go to war for it and in some countries they still are forced to enlist. Using lies to bash and guilt-trip one entire gender in my opinion cannot be seen as anything else than hate.
3. “I think it is human nature to want to attribute your problems to something outside of yourself, to eliminate the need for self-examination or self-blaming” yes, and then we grow up. Assuming responsabillity for your own actions is part of being mature, is part of actually being an adult. Blaming other people is part f being a child. And if you behave as a child expect to be treated a one.
4. “But ultimately the only person you can ever change is yourself.” not true. you can change other people, but they must be willing to change too because everyone has free will.
To the writer of this opinion piece.
First off, “Why” does not exist. The question you should be asking… “What makes some men un-attractive to women?” “Why” is a lazy question. It lacks focus or direction and curve tails into an opinion piece easily.
Second off, I believe you grossly under-estimate the social-dynamic change that has shaken this country in the past 30 years. Literally in James’s life time (which happens to be the same age as myself) you have the fall of the Berlin wall, Clinton Scandal, Rise of the Internet, Mass Communication, hyper-feminism, 9/11, two wars, the great recession, first black president, the race-riots all over again, and homosexual relations becoming normalized. What I am alluding to as you probably have figured out, James/Men of our generation have all been raised with different string of values than what is now established. Since far and wide the rise of hyper-feminism women now actively seek out men who are willing to change/be molded by their standards rather than the woman joining the man and being molded by him. James’s problem is not his value system or his style of dating. James’s problem is with the society of women and expectation that society has generated for both James and the women. It is two fold.
You are correct, the common denominator is the problem. The common denominator is society… not James. James must learn to reject society and accept he must open his dating pool beyond just Seattle. Reject the women who hyper-feminism, ultra materialistic, and kardashian shallowness has bred and be the change he wishes to see in the world. James will find a fantastic woman because he is a fantastic man/has a good head on his shoulders. You failed to look deeply at the situation and see the truth. Rather than James “changing” to suite his surroundings, he must walk a lonely-yet-righteous path to not lower his standards and find his true love. He just needs to re-locate if finding love is his true calling.
Guys, Evan is just trying to make an honest buck (ok, 1000…) from your wallet. If you buy into what he says, dish it out. If not, suck it up, keep your dick in your pants and don’t complain.
Some of these women on here crack me up when they say certain men group women together and don’t treat them as an individuals – Huh?? – Since the dawn of social media, women are the ones who have grouped themselves together, and NEVER look at men as individuals anymore. And besides, as far as “no woman in the world wanting to date a guy like James” because he groups all women together, how the hell do they know he feels that way when he’s out on a date with them? Does he tell them that right there on the spot when they’re eating their salad?? I truly believe the very few real men left on this planet who still act like adults are screwed, because ladies, and here’s where the truth hurts, you cannot do social media AND love one man individually for the rest of your life. It is literally impossible to do both, it’s right there in the title: SOCIAL !! Meaning many and everyone, if you are more concerned about your two or three hundred Twitter followers then you are spending quality time with your man; who is supposed to be your one true love that you’re looking for; I mean c’mon, you tell me why that relationship falls apart, do the math in your head. Unfortunately James is right, I haven’t met a woman in years that doesn’t fall into this trap, he really is right when he says most women now act like children. I feel like I have a lot to offer women, and women tell me all the time they think I’m a good looking guy. Hate to say it but I’ve pretty much given up. Peace
Women these days are shooting themselves in the foot when it comes to finding a quality man for a relationship. A man who truly loves a woman nowadays is labeled as a stalker and a creep. Case in point, a woman I worked with for 2 years had a thing for me for a long time, and it took me awhile to really get into her, but literally the second I started to develop feelings for her, as soon as I started to insinuate The L Word could be involved, our relationship completely fell apart, and the rest of her girl crüe and my coworkers made me out to be some kind of psycho; it really was just about the worst experience of my life. I am a reasonably educated man who is coming from the right place in my heart, and have nothing but good intentions. Women don’t even realize it, but with today’s social media, they are subconsciously shooting down the best chance they have at true love, it is no longer fashionable for a woman to even admit that she loves a man, it is probably viewed as a sign of weakness, in today’s age of feminism. There are still good men out there ladies, the problem is, when you come across one, you’re being told by your 2 or 300 Twitter followers that he’s no good, yeah – good luck with that
Wanna know what an adult grown up woman does when she finds a man to love? She ignores all the negative comments coming from her friends coworkers and social media, who all seem skeptical that she’s found the perfect man, and she follows her heart, yeah that’s right I said it, her HEART !! Remember the song by Roxette, Listen to your heart? Yeah, just like that
Women run away from love faster than the speed of light, baby
Thank you dating coach. I feel just like James but unlike James I will change and improve.
As far as men being the problem, or women being the problem it is really a moot point, both are true, my wife is spoiled and has been most of her life, i am socially innept in my openion due to becoming so completely jaded as a child moving across country core times than i can count, i went to 4 diferent schools just in highschool, and lost 2 friends in the platoon i was attatched to in Afghanistan. My wife and I are currently fighting but I am trying to fix the problem on my end at least. The problem in my case is being so emotionally jaded i couldnt even get excited about my daughters (former step daughter) adoption, we have full custody and she will not have to feel alienated in her own family. I still couldnt get excited, I have been her father since she was 3 monts old and she is over 2.5 yrs old now. The same goes for this James guy, he has simply become jaded. he may not have had the same life problems i do but i can tell you that working in IT or tech support will make you irritable and very jaded towards people in general. One can only deal with so many idiots. “there is no picture,” “what kind of cables are you using to connect to your TV?” “it has to be plugged into the tv?” been there done that. What you have to remember is that hey I am a person, and while you may be of the opposit gender, you are a person too, and treat eachother as such. Yes there are the hormonal differances, my wife wants to kill me about a week of every month, and i do my best to take it in stride, but there will always be disagreements and fights and it is how you deal with those things that makes the differance. However if you never fight i would be worried, I never really fought with my first wife, and now she is my X-wife, due to a complete and total lack of communication for the sake of avoiding conflict. Point being a person is a person, take them for who they are. Trying to press your own preconcieved notions is just stupid, no 2 people are alike, and who knows maybe they are just shy or have some baggage and are a bit reserved or perhaps have sub- concious defense problems that make them seem generally unpleasent to be around until they actually get to know you and are able to relax……. aaaannd I appearently talk/type way too much, lol
I was hoping there would be a little more meat to this story so I could share it with one of my male friends. He’s in his early 40’s and a really nice guy with a steady decent-paying job. He has his own home and is current on his car note. Sounds good so far right? He has ‘poor me’ pity syndrome and it gets tired of listening to. He’s obese and quirky. He wants someone half his age, who’s got a thin model-like body, who exercises daily, makes her own money but also keeps up the indoor housework (because a man’s only job is to grill and mow lawn), and raise the kids one day. I’ve said straight to his face he’s being hypocritical. Why would a fit, independent, twenty-something or early-thity-something woman want and old fat lazy man? What can he provide her that she doesn’t already have? Companionship? I doubt it. A mail order bride is the closest he’s going to get to meeting his dream girl. I just wish he could see that he’s being hypocritical, because he is a kind person.
I was going to comment on the fact that Seattle really is a social shithole full of bitchy entitled women who will never be happy, but then I saw all the other comments that already say that.
How can men do well with the type of women that out there these days? And since they are making very bad comments about us men which many of them are the real losers.
Sounds like to me you also don’t want to admit that women also have to change having grown so picky, that they think there is a PERFECT man out there, and if I can just shoo away enough of these losers, I’ll find him; home in the country, Mercedes, he has no sex drive, you know, the perfect man!
This article is funny, even young men dont want to marry because women are easy as cake lol. I get hit on by married women and i dont fall for that. Instead tell them what they want to hear and move on. This bitches dont even know how to give it up lol. Why dont you get married and then come back on this blog 5 years from now lol.
You have to want to change. No one can force you to change. I have my thoughts of men being shallow but women can be that way as well. Here is one thought I believe is true about the difference between men and women. Most women will look for advice in relationships. Meaning most likely they will try to change for a relationship where as men don’t look for advice and assume they are right and won’t change. This is one reason why Evan has so many female clients and very few men. Unfortunately, men, in general, don’t believe they have to change. Each person believes that they should have someone they find attractive. Men and women. I am an attractive women on a dating site in good shape. I ask for the same in a man plus non smoker, non hunter. A cerebral person. So, many men don’t read the profile at all and contact me because they obviously think I am pretty. They are heavy, smoke and hunt. Are they being fair. Should I feel bad when I ignore, reject them. No I don’t. I am looking for someone I find attractive. Is it shallow, I am not. The attractiveness I want is what I feel is attractive. My friends and family could tell me that person is ugly and I wouldn’t care, it is my feelings that matter. I will be having sex with that person. Alot of sex with that person and I can’t see it with someone I find unattractive and over weight. So be honest with yourself, what do you really want. If you aren’t getting it maybe you should change your standards, if you can. Have a great day all.
If she only considers men at least “x” tall, I only consider women at least “x” sized breasts.
Its a double standard that makes them look mentally deficient. They would do better being honest though they would then not get much attention.
No you are not being shallow and you have a right to choose whom to reply. Problem starts when women came on dating site with an AGENDA and assume they are not asking for much..
Now let me show you my thinking, when you go to work can you choose your co workers? When you go to bars can you choose your fellow patrons? When you go in a bus can you choose your fellow passengers? I mean we all think we have a choice…yeah right!
We don’t have a choice but we trick ourselves with adjusting to our surroundings to find the best WITHIN that surroundings not necessarily we do really want it.
Let’s say you really wanted to be doctor but didn’t get enough grades and became something else (adjusting to your available surrounding or availability of the next best thing and yet you think you “CHOSE”)
In reality you didn’t even CHOSE your own name, did you? You will get better results if you start doing the same with available males (adjusting). I want to marry Megan Fox type from my heart so I reject everyone else? Am I asking too much? Don’t I know what do I want?
Remember diamonds and gold needs to be purified, no one EVER in the history of human kind found them in a way they wanted. Same with people so TAKE YOUR CJANCE BABY!
WOMEN WANT ALPHA MALE
(or the best they can get)
Which is a huge double standard and a totally dishonest and unrealistic assessment of who she should be with. If thats what women want, they need to accept being 1 out of 10 wives if they are highly desirable. Its impossible for more than 3% of men to be alpha despite the inaccurate nature of the term (its highly subjective what an alpha actually is).
I agree with Evan…”James” has to work on himself. All of those ‘traits’? he accuses woman of are really the things he despises…DESPISES…about his own character/personality. WHY does he feel o horribly about himself? Is he horrible? (just a not-so-subtle inkling of where he might start.)
Really…you don’t think being dumber and lazier would do it?
I do. If he didn’t care about actual relationships, he would have tons of women. Its the same reason I’m half single (I’m with a lady who cannot be my wife so I must look for another). She happens to be extraordinarily accomplished and rated with a 150 IQ. For years were NSA buddies only. Without that, I never would even consider fraternizing with her.
ATTENTION: If all of us were to read countless web sites wrt the “The Battle Of The Sexes”, we soon see that these web sites that cater to this Ideology only serve to draw in (women are right) to the sites that are women bias, and dittos to the (men are right) sites too. Therefore, nothing is solved.
The only way to solve this problem is to look back into the history of PEOPLE on this earth (not MANkind), and find out why divorces were so low only a mere (6, 7 and so on decades ago going right back to the dawn of our existence). In contrast, since ~ the late 60s and most definitely 70s, divorces have continuously increased into today’s catastrophic level and, non-one can say this is how any culture can survive. In brief, when the family life disintegrates so will that society eventually. It will cease to function healthily and eventually be taken over or die off. That is what is happening to western culture via its low birth rate + mentally, emotionally and spiritually challenged children, raised in single parent so called homes. It takes a sperm and egg, and even children know who their real parents are and want them both raising them under the same roof as their so called adult parents rage on with their High Technological demands.
High Technology: There is a directly proportional relationship between the increase in High Technology and the family breakdown (ie. as High Technology has increased so has the breakdown of the family). The same relationship exists between High Tech and the rest of nature (ie. zoology and botany). Obviously, when Natural Laws are broken as Urban living expands, all of life on earth suffers. The most important aspect of Natural Law is the most basic fundamental difference (which is huge), between females and males.
Women have a womb to bear children then breasts filled with nourishment to nourish babies. Men meanwhile, devoid of these two huge factors must do something, which is obviously provide material means of existence while not destroying nature around them both yet, High Technologies is doing just that.
There best example of High Tech’s disintegration of family life came in the 60s (the Pill). It disrupts having family plus changes the physiological state of women’s bodies by altering the reproductive glandular activity of sexual hormone secretion that affects their entire boyd as a whole. This is extremely dangerous and will affect offspring via genetic changes.
There are countless other High Technologies that adversely affect or destroy all other living entities around us that we need to LIVE for our survival. One case in hand, the decline of our honey bee that pollenates so much of our food supply however, do we here the news media talking about this? No.
So since women getting pregnant followed by nourishing a baby naturally via breast feeding takes up at least 2 to 3 years of their lives until teeth are formed then a child can eat solid food, how can she and her male mate be Just to babies/children by orchestrating the means of abandoning the baby/child by granting Careers simultaneous to raising a child under Natural Law? We cannot have our cake and eat it too.
Also, when females are competing for these finite number of Careers with men, how can females expect men to always make at least as much as them and preferably more? What has been happening is, with High Tech growth, tertiary Careers beyond Primary and Secondary ones have grown in leaps and bounds giving females opportunities to out-woman men taking jobs that men could have. Many of these Careers did not exist not too long ago when we lived a more Natural Lifestyle that did not threaten our existence like today’s Physical and Social pollution.
When hiring, human resources experts are all too often females especially in Government paid sectors and even Private too. Result: men are likely to be passed over compared to the process of hiring decades ago when HR ladies were few and far between. Back say in the 60s and prior, one would have to go directly to a prospective employer, meet them, and then be assessed. Most of those employers were males who hired males they knew had to work or else their families would suffer. In fact, it wasn’t even questioned as it is today with the genders always competing with each other. This competition was never intended under Natural Laws. No other mammals see males pitted against females like we humans have become.
When Natural Laws are broken, we are doomed to deteriorate. In western cultures, the newcomers especially of Muslim descant already know this, as do Asian people who come here and have more children. It becomes a numbers game; the ethnic group that bears more children will eventually take over the land with their culture too. It is happening in the States via Spanish people, in Europe via non-Caucasians, same in Canada.
The true victims of this unnatural abnormal Caucasian created existence are the young people of today and those coming. Not Government nor Church does anything about this mess. Governments are afraid of losing enough of the female votes to prevent them from having power while Churches go the same route since much of their congregations compose of middle aged to elderly females. IF a man speaks out on behalf of following Natural Laws or The Laws of Nature, he is immediately pointed at as being non-progressive, a sexists, unrealistic, traditional, etc. Even though he speaks the Truth as to how we are suppose to live this life on earth. And this means not destroying everything that (something we call God) created.
God, we don’t know what IT looks like but if I may be blunt, any fool knows that when we turn away from nature, we are living on borrowed time. So please stop the opposite gender bashing drama. Speak out against unnatural living, and live the natural as much as possible even if you live in an urban center and deprive yourself of extra $$$.
IF we all review say the 1960s – 50s etc economy, when there was one income, family together owning their own home, MUCH lower taxes, products made domestically, and sold domestically, and much more…we’d soon see WHY life was better (not without suffering) back then.
which all boils down to one thing: white men were happier in the 1950s so that’s how things should be, women and minorities should just accept their inferior place in society
thanks for clarifying.
HATEMONGERS, if you are going to respond, please do so with some effort beyond that statement that has nothing to do with what I shared in depth. I am beginning to believe that far too many people on web sites whether they be youtube or elsewhere have ADD therefore an inept ability to concentrate on more than one sentence. What I usually do when responding either online or in an Email, is copy and paste what the OTHER person shares, then address each of their points. This method shows the recipient I am paying close attention to what they are sharing thus respecting their input.
John,
You put little or no critical thinking into your diatribe. It really deserves less consideration than (/) hatemongers actually gave it. For each paragraph you wrote, I could write two pages dissecting it and demonstrating why it’s wrong. For the sake of brevity, I will try to limit my criticisms to 1 or 2 sentences (focusing on your most egregious errors). Also for the sake of brevity, I will refer to your statements by paragraph number (1-13)
¶1
This site does not cater to a “women are right” or “men are right” ideology. The main opinion leaders feel that those who hold such opinions are wrong.
¶2, 3, 5, 6
Correlation is not the same thing as causation. When looking at changes in complex societies over decades, centuries or millennia, there is no reason to assume that any correlation is the result of causation.
¶2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13
These paragraphs state your own personal opinions/beliefs as if they are facts.
¶5, 6, 8
These paragraphs state falsehoods as if they are facts.
– The pill does not cause genetic changes.
– The news media discusses the decline of honey bees.
– There are not a finite number of careers.
¶3, 4, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13
Under natural law, human lived in small, indigenous tribes eeking out a subsistence existence as hunter-gatherers. Life expectancy was about 43 years. Infant mortality exceeded 25%. There was no written language, no economy (and no monotheistic religions). It was not a paradise.
If you want to live in that state, do so.
In my personal opinion, I feel that your diatribe contains so many blatant and fatal flaws that it undermines itself. I have already given it more time than I feel it deserves.
As a final point, your diatribe has nothing to do with the topic at hand, nor does it appear to directly address anyone’s previous statements. If you want to engage in off-topic diatribes in the future, please be brief.
KARL ok … only time will tell as to what the future holds.
Divorce was low because women only had the option to progress in life through marriage. I bet many men raised other men’s children without knowing as a consequence of women that couldn’t accept poverty instead of an unattractive mate.
Why do nice guys get so pissed off with women when they dont want anything to do with them? Well it’s quite simple. It’s because ever since we nice guys were nice little boys, we were told, often by women, that nice guys where what they wanted. Be nice, you’ll be beating women off with a stick. Not working? Be nicer! We were also told that women were rational agents, like men, and would say what they mean. Take a womans words, and her, seriously! Of course, believing either of these falsehoods is a sure path to unhappiness. And at the point where you realize that you’ve been lied to about something so fundamental to your happiness, and to your identity as a man… well, nice guy or not, you’re going to get angry, probably intensely so. And with any intense emotion, it’s going to stop you from thinking clearly, with the result that the anger will be misappropriately and/or unproductively directed.
Getting angry with women about this is largely pointless, as well as counter productive, you may as well get angry at the sun for causing sunburn. However, this sort of clarity is hard to achieve when you’re reeling from the realization that you have been raised on a steady diet of lies and your entire sexual worldview is crumbling down around you.
They aren’t necessarily lying; women do appear to want those characteristics (at least some of them) in a relationship. Those last three words are the key. That behavior, however, is not what is sexually attractive to most women, at least in the early phase of meeting and dating, when they’re evaluating whether they feel attracted to a guy or not. Basically, we can’t act like we are their boyfriend, until they decide they want us to be. We can be decent, we can even be kind, so long as we don’t do too much of it. Women want what they perceive is just out of reach; make it too easy for them, the sexual tension goes out of the equation, and they lose interest. This apparently makes perfect sense to women; to a lot of us, it looks like a disconnect between what women say, and what they actually respond to. Confusing? Yeah, is to me too, but, that’s how a good many women act, and for most of them it all seems to be more about how we make them feel, as opposed to some rational calculus.. I hate to generalize even to that point, because far from “all women being alike”, I’ve found it’s easier to find differences than commonalities between them.
Your quality as a man is meaningless to a woman if you are in poverty. She would rather be with a lesser man of better looks and higher assets.
Be nice not a doormat. For some reason too many American men today think men can only exist one of in two states: pushover or raging asshole. The ones who have figured out there’s a universe in between the two have no complaints because they have no problems attracting women.
Thank God, someone who gets it!!
I wish all those Red Pill super assholes would realize there is a way to be “a nice guy with balls”, as Evan puts it!
I can attract women fairly easily. I only need to go out and socialize in public in a manner that they want.
Yet I consistent choose to piss hot women off instead. Also uglies. I’m an equal opportunity guy 😉
It’s because it’s never just one or even a few women rejecting us. We’re very much aware if the whining about no good guys and being rejected by a woman that’s been whining about it is that much worse.
If women aren’t going to date nice guys at least have the integrity to admit that you’re not going to date us so we don’t waste our time.
Ultimately treating women well takes a lot if time and if women in general ignore us, then why should we waste the effort.
In short, women deserve to not have any good options if they’re continually punishing good guys and dating jerks
I would say that dating is a drag over all. I guess I don’t care that much because I’m not angry about that, why be angry over how something is? Why would I? They aren’t that much fun, at least not lately. I don’t think I’m imagining how they act like life is a TV show. I don’t try very hard to meet or ever take girls out. I get taken out a lot. I’d guess it’s 10 to 1. The problem I run into is eventually I encounter an immature tactic in communication & aside from the couple times I was totally in love when they say maybe we should take a break or we should break up or whatever I just say OK.
I do agree that women as a whole are pretty shallow & emotionally immature. In most guys lives the only person they fight with is a woman. Guys resolve their issues pretty easily. I have yet to be involved with or have a close friend be involved with a woman who didn’t start fights over tiny things. Sure they might be building up tension from a series of small events before exploding but who’s fault is that? I would imagine that each of those little things if brought up would be silly annoyances.
With the exception of this blog I don’t read a whole lot of posts about how great being married is or even a marriage can be great if you try hard, rather it’s a nearly unanimous condemnation of guys warning other guys don’t get married. I personally know one man who’s married & doesn’t hate it the rest aren’t having fun.
After witnessing how men are treated in civil court I’ll never consider marriage. All it takes is for a woman to accuse a man & without a drop of evidence they act as if he’s a guilty monster. When he proves his innocence there are hardly ever real actions of recourse for her lies. Even if she does it several times. So why try harder than I do. I think a lot of guys feel just like I do.
My only issue with dating is they cannot accurately list their demands. Women do not understand that “attractive” is hardly LTR material and anything that isn’t committed isn’t a relationship even if LTR. In fact, being committed to someone in an open relationship and having dozens of other sex partners is far more of a relationship than monogamous pairs that manipulate and are not 100% honest and dedicated to negotiating outcomes.
Well with a 50% divorce rate dating seems kind of pointless. There is nothing steady about a girlfriend. They will dump you the minute they are bored. Escorts and strippers provide a cozy and convenient companionship arrangement. If you are a decent guy you will always lose out to the thug or bad boy so why bother trying to compete with them in the dating world? They are going to get the girl no matter what so you are wasting your time
Wow the ladies are so immature on here ☺ï¸
Well since many women over the years that have really changed for the Worst, that certainly explains it.
James still has alot of valid points, alot of women are absolutely hopeless to deal with, useless even and that is why its important to abort early if you sense bs. – regards -M
I totally agree that I have a lot to change in myself to be more attractive to women. What baffles me though is the cold heartedness of women, like leaving you without saying a word, and when you call them they say that they have no time, when it’s absolutely obvious, that they just don’t won’t to see you. And if they just tell me that they don’t won’t to see me I would be much happier, but thay like to push you in a direction to act like a jurk. Ofcourse if you are a stronger man you won’t do that and maybe that’s why they are testing you. What is even more fucked up is that after that they go and tell their friends how weak you are and how much of a loser, and to you – their supposed sweatheart they don’t say a thing. Like I won’t ever do that to a person that I’ve had a certain amount of intimacy with. And I haven’t said anything bad about the women that have treated me badly to anyone. When women leave you, they like to bring you to the ground, lower your selfesteem and make you believe that you are not worthy for them. On the other hand when I have no interest in a woman I make sure to not hurt her fealings.
That’s what I think it’s fucked up.
You’re good guy Kaloyan. Don’t stop being one.
Just choose better women.
Don’t let a woman’s physical beauty blind you to her character flaws.
That said, if you ask a woman out and she says she’s busy, and doesn’t offer an alternative date/time, that’s her INDIRECT way of telling you she’s not interested.
If you need a direct answer for closure, then you need to have the courage to ask the direct question she can’t prevaricate on. “Are you still interested in going out with me?” That’s a yes or no question. If she can’t say yes or no and gives you a runaround, then the answer is no. Women who are interested will not be able to restrain their enthusiasm.
To be fair, men disappear on women all the time. You just aren’t aware of this as you’re only dating women.
These sites are funny.
There all over the Internet. The comments are all the same.
Trying to figure out who is the problem.
The natural fact is men are drown to healthy looking women. This means the attractive women with the attractive shape . For the natural purpose of sex. Good looking women have better genes per nature. At least from men eyes.
The natural fact for women is they want a alpha male . Tough and good looking better genes for there baby. Alpha men have better genes per nature. At least from women eyes.
Nothing changes human nature.
After nature drives us to what it needs to survive then the rest is want your personal choices are in finding a personal relationship.
As society has gotten more complex between men and women there personal choices gets larger and makes having a relationship more difficult to achieve.
So the replies from people at these types of sites are all OK. These are just there personal choices they feel and believe are right for them driven by the social changes of the times.
Amen to that.
Not being an alpha male in most women’s eyes (5′ 6″) has illuminated this fact more clearly. Doesn’t matter that I have achieved financial and career success. Doesn’t matter that I have had ambition and own property. Doesn’t matter that I am a Veteran, have a B.S. in Chemical Engineering and an M.B.A. and paid for my college education on my own. Doesn’t matter that I am in shape, no gut, and am healthy.
I can talk easily to women and engage on a friendly level, no problem.
I have been told to my face from several women that I am too short. Never mind that they are 1″, 2″, 3″ or more shorter. I have even been told this after dating a couple of women after a period of time. Then I guess they decide that they just can’t handle being with a shorter guy.
So, my conclusion after 30 some years of dating and relationships, is yes, American women are completely fickle, shallow, hypocritical, superficial and delusional. Only 12% -18% of men are 6′ and above. The rest of us are a big disappointment to women I guess. Women’s reasons are to insure tall offspring, feeling safe (not rational in today’s society), etc. Hollywood exacerbates this by portraying only tall and beautiful people as smart on their various shows. I am so sick of the message that is constantly pounded out.
Being a short guy is akin to being a fat women apparently. There are many articles on this floating around. Except fat is changeable and self controlled, height is baked in.
Same old shit guy wants sex with good looking girl girl wants house or should I say nest.
Many of us good single men can really blame the women why many of us are still single today since the women of today are really nothing at all like the women of years ago were.
Hmm . . . I dunno. You blame women for changing, women blame men for staying stagnant. Who is more right?
(but seriously, whenever a dude posts a sentiment like this it just icks me out. Basically you want to go back to a time where women had no choice but to marry and be unhappy in relationships because that would make YOU happy. Wow. What a caring empathetic kind and “good single man” you are. /sarcasm)
To Callie, first you have understand that most of the women of today are very Horrible since i noticed that they have such a very serious attitude problem which many of these women really must have mental issues when they really like to take their problems out on us good men since many of us men do know how to treat a good woman with a lot of love and respect. I never expected to have a woman curse at me when i was trying to start just a simple normal conversation with her which i really believe that she had to be in a very bad relationship at one time with a man that abused her which is very sad for her if that was the case. What do you expect many of us men to do when many of us do know how to treat a woman very well and most of the time unfortunately we do get rejected? That just shows me that many of us men just don’t do well with women at all even when it isn’t our fault. So my statement is very much the truth even though you may not agree with me at all. I don’t expect to be all alone the rest of my life when i really should’ve been all settled down by now with my own good wife and family that i still don’t have today which the type of women that we have now these days are very much to blame for that unfortunately. And yes i know friends of mine that are going through the same thing too which we really have no reason at all to blame ourselves since it does take two to tangle.
Evan, This former NFL Cheerleader really sells out her fellow women. Google the 3 real reasons nice guys finish last but always end up winning in the end. It indicates most women are emotionally unavailable and try to “fix” damaged men that are losers. Good men have a right to be down about this.
Sounds like my husband. He blames all pass relationships on the women, when himself don’t want to make an effort to change n learn from it.
Most women that are still Single are to Blame since they just can’t stay in a committed relationship with just only one guy.