Why Short Men Make Better Husbands

Why short men make better husbands


It pains me that after 8 years of blogging, this blog post about women discriminating against short men online remains my most “popular” one yet. And yet I’m not surprised in the least. It has a whiff of science (an experiment where we raised a man’s height on Match and watched his responses balloon), a controversial take (give short guys a chance), and an outraged readership (short men and Asian men who falsely thought I was insulting them, women who insist that it’s impossible to be attracted to short men). Hell, thinking about it, I should probably write more blog posts based on that formula.

We all know that short men have, for lack of a better term, drawn the short stick when it comes to women and attraction.

Nonetheless, this New Republic article provides fodder for discussion on the topic of short men. It suggests, that like  Avis rental cars, if you’re #2, you work harder.

Now, we all know that short men have, for lack of a better term, drawn the short stick when it comes to women and attraction. “A pair of sociologists found that 48.9 percent of women restricted their online dating searches to men who were taller than them. (Men were less picky: Just 13.5 percent wouldn’t consider a taller woman.)”

This isn’t news. All you need is a set of eyes and ears to see how tall guys are preferred by women. The interesting thing, of course, is that there is no inherent value to dating a taller man. He doesn’t need to protect you from falling objects. He doesn’t need to physically fight bad guys. It’s really a more primal and shallow feeling: “I can’t help what I’m attracted to” or “I want my kids to be tall” or “I want to feel feminine”. That last one is the real kicker, and it’s what I want to take a second to explore.

Femininity is not about his size relative to yours, but about security. How he makes you FEEL. Thus, you’re not attracted to a man purely because he’s tall; you’re attracted to him because he makes you feel feminine. So find other qualities about a man that will make you feel feminine to satisfy this need.

You’re not attracted to him because he’s rich, you’re attracted to him because he represents a stable future and the promise of not having to worry about money.

You’re not attracted to him because he’s a “bad boy,” you’re attracted to him having a spine, an opinion, and being able to stand up for himself.

Once you realize that height is a primal substitute for those feelings, you can expand your search to included shorter men. And you’ll be glad you did. Since short men are largely overlooked in the dating pool, those who get married make for giving and loyal partners.

Femininity is not about his size relative to yours, but about security. How he makes you FEEL. So find other qualities about a man that will make you feel feminine to satisfy this need.

“Divorce rates for tall and average men were basically indistinguishable, but 32 percent lower for short men. Weitzman explains this by saying that women who are “resistant” to marrying short men are more likely to “opt out” before it gets to the point of marriage: “There’s something distinct about the women who marry short men.”

“Or maybe it’s just that short men make better partners. They do a greater share of housework: On average, they perform 8 hours and 28 minutes per week of houseworkconstituting about 28 percent of the totalcompared to 7 hours 38 minutes for average men and 7 hours 30 minutes for tall men. And they’re more likely to be the breadwinners: Conley and Weitzman estimate that 78 percent of short men out-earn their partners, compared to 69 percent of average men and 71 percent of tall men. Although other research has suggested that taller men earn moreperhaps because of employers’ biasesthey didn’t find evidence of income disparity among the different height groups. Tall men may be, in Weitzman’s words, “aware of the status that is conferred by their tallness”which might make them less motivated to pitch in at home.”

If you’ve been reading for awhile, you’re already well aware that the best husbands aren’t the tallest or richest, but rather, the ones who are sensitive to your emotional cues, and help out with the housework and childrearing. In other words, the ones who are loyal, giving, and work extra hard to ensure your happiness.

So, please, consider the virtues of shorter guys. Not for their sake, but for yours.

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  1. 1

    If I go back on match in Jan, I might break my “don’t write first” rule and search for and contact “short men” first.   I’m not sure what constitutes “short” vs “average”.   Both my ex-hubby’s were around 5’6″ or 5″ 7″.   I’m guessing that it’s more like average.   I might put that in my search criteria, 5’5″, since most men under 6 feet pad their height by a few inches anyway, so I’ll be getting finding men who are 5’2″ and up.    
    Since short men do face more challenges than their taller counterparts, they might behave in the typical manner as other “pursued” men do.
    Of course, the OKC survey showed, that while men are more “fair” in their assessment of a woman’s looks on a scale of 1-10, they still only write to the 8-10 range of women.   (which I am not)

    1. 1.1

      Ooops, meant to say “Since short men do face more challenges than their taller counterparts, they might NOT behave in the typical manner as other “pursued” men do.

    2. 1.2

      they don’t only write women in the 8-10 range. men write to women in the 5-8 range for the most part and don’t bother with 9-10 unless they actually think they have a shot, delusional exceptions notwithstanding. if you want more men pursuing you then join a gym and eat some greens for 6 months, easy as pie. wanna know how a shorter man becomes more attractive? he doesn’t, because unlike you he has absolutely no control over his height, otherwise he can improve his status and physique, both of which are very hard for a man to do(getting ripped takes years without steroids and prestigious careers and the attitude that comes from achieving something in life is a decade long project), and even then their effects are highly diminished for shorter men.
      both sides are suffering unfortunately, but the way i see it women have it infinitely easier, and they’re still doing it wrong.

      1. 1.2.1

        rawr @1.2     Actually an OKC study showed that while women rate most men “below average” in looks, they respond to men across many looks range.   The men however, rate women more “fairly”, (evenly across the scale of 1-10), but mostly write to the 9s and 10.   Men who cite this study LOVE to complain about the female half of the study (women considering most men “below average”) but ignore or vehemently deny the male half of the study showing that the men only pursue women who are 9 or 10.   (or very rarely even 8 )
        You only think women have it easier and are “wrong” because of confirmation bias.   You only date women, so you ONLY know what it is like to be a man dating women.   You have NO CLUE what it’s like to be a woman, dating.
        Dating challenges plague members of BOTH sexes.   In some cases, we share the same struggles, and some struggles effect one gender more than the other.
        Personally, I take both sides of the OKC study with a grain of salt.   (OK, a whole BOX of salt)   I saw the pictures of the “below average” men, and found them all to be either very attractive, or pretty cute.   One I considered about average, certainly attractive enough.   Also, during my brief time on OKC, I saw alot of bullshit in how they ran the site, so I don’t trust their study on either side.
        Also, some articles have appeared on the internet about FB and dating sites doing deceptive things. Match.com was sending out fake winks.   Other bullshit going on with online dating sites and social media as well.
        Not to mention the fake profiles.   Commenters come on here and freely admit that they faked profiles to do some amateur “research”.   When I was doing OLD, I caught a few “catfishers”.   (ran their photos through google image search and discovered they were scammers using stolen photos)
        As for the short men thing, I am 5 foot 3 and a half inches, and both my ex hubbies were about 5 foot 6 or 5 foot 7.   My boyfriend is 5 foot 8. So despite the online meme going around that all women demand men who are at least 6 feet tall, being especially tall has never been a requirement for me, it’s just not something I care about.   The only experience I have had with a man who was shorter than me (about 5 foot 1) was one date.   He was very attractive (handsome face, nice build) and I was very dissappointed when he said “I’ll call you” and he didn’t.    
        The only other “experience” I have had with short men is through OLD.   I’ve had a few attractive men who listed their height between 5 foot 1 or 5 foot 3 write to me, and dissappear either during the writing phase or phone phase   (or I would stop writing when it looked like endless e-mails that would go nowhere)     I wonder if these were men who were faking a short profile to proove a point.   Since I never met any of these cute short men in person, I have no way of knowing if they were real or just someone putting up a fake profile with a short height as part of an experiment.
        Both genders struggle rawr.   We struggle with not meeting the expectations and “check lists” of the opposite sex.   (for women that’s being over the age of 29,being flat chested, not being model thin, or less than an 8 in looks, for men it’s height and income)   We struggle with our own unrealistic expectations.   (many)Men fear being used for their money, (many) women fear being used for sex.
        But despite the struggles, it only takes ONE.    
        Good luck in your search.

    3. 1.3
      Karl R

      EmeraldDust said: (#1)

      “I’m not sure what constitutes ‘short’ vs ‘average’.”

      From the article:

      “They categorized the men into three groups: ‘Short’ men were defined as 5’6″ or less in 1986, 5’7″ or below in 2009; ‘tall’ men were at least 6’1″ in 1986 and 6’2″ in 2009.”

      So, depending on when you were married, one or both of your ex-husbands were short.


      EmeraldDust said:  (#1)

      “I might put that in my search criteria, 5’5″, since most men under 6 feet pad their height by a few inches anyway, so I’ll be getting finding men who are 5’2″ and up.”

      There’s one potential flaw with that strategy. You may end up filtering out the guys who are 5’3″ or 5’4″, and who refuse to lie about their height.


      EmeraldDust said:  (#1)

      “Of course, the OKC survey showed, that while men are more ‘fair’ in their assessment of a woman’s looks on a scale of 1-10, they still only write to the 8-10 range of women.   (which I am not)”

      That’s hyperbole. Men’s messages were heavily weighted toward the most attractive women. The most attractive women (the 5s) were getting 25 times the messages of the least attractive women (the 0s) … it’s a 0-5 scale. A woman who average (2.5) would get 1/4 the messages of the most attractive women (5s) or 1/3 the messages of the next most attractive women (4.5s).


      Even the least attractive women (on average) received some attention. When they really broke down the numbers, there was also a significant variable for how active the women were.


      Your Looks and Your Inbox

      The Mathematics of Beauty

  2. 2

    I want to know what is considered short. For the shorter women, most men are tall in comparison. I used to put from 5’5 to 6’5. I really didn’t think I was excluding that much of the male dating population because I was leaving out men that were under 5’4. I think some women are ridiculous about the 6 foot thing and I think taller women should be more open to dating men their own height but for the short women, its not as much an issue.

    1. 2.1

      Hi Julia – Yeah, I am only 5’3″ so the six foot tall thing was NEVER my thing.   I never even put height in my search engine with OLD and never even started looking at it, until I realized that men lie about this stuff, then I only started to look at it, as an honesty test.   (but I have become more forgiving of the lying about height thing, since apparently this non-issue to me, is an issue to apparently every woman on the planet except you and me 🙂   )
      In fact, I really have a hard time getting physically comfortable with a man who is waaaaaay taller than me.   It’s hard for me to snuggle, make out and slow dance comfortably with someone who is 6 feet tall.   5’6″ to 5’7″ seems to be my sweet spot for getting comfy & cozy while making out.
      I was very shocked to learn on this very blog, from various male strangers, that I, EmeraldDust aka SparklingEmerald was holding out for a 6 foot rock star.   This was an indisputable fact, because I am a female.   It doesn’t matter that I married two men under 6 feet.   That just means I am a liar.   (yes, this is sarcasm)
      I do have mixed feeling about men and their height issue.   I think every man who is short will ASSUME that is why he is being rejected.   There seems to be this mentality that if a man is short, that is the ONLY reason women ever reject him.   As if short men can’t be jerks, losers or players.   They are all the perfect guy, and ALL women just can’t see their awesomeness, because ALL of us (except you and I) DEMAND 6 foot tall.  
      Except for Tom P. After reading Tom P.’s comments (he’s a short client of EMK’s) brag about how he only   went out with “hot girls” and demanded slim, physically fit women only.   My sympathy for him went out the window.   Except that he was a good example that a short man COULD be successful in dating, in fact could be a PLAYER in that regards if he wanted to.  
      I think women in the 6-7 range of attractiveness make good partners too, but we all know men are “visual” and will only consider 8’s, 9’s or 10’s.   (and the 8’s have to compensate in some way for not being 9 or 10)   No one seems to fault men for this.   But women will be faulted for not being attracted to “short” men, even is she is a woman who HAS BEEN attracted to, fell in love with and married 2 short men.  
      It is also an unrefutable, undisputable fact that EVERY woman on the planet will ONLY date men who make $100,000 a year or more.   (you and I might be the only 2 women who don’t have this requirement, so we should be careful, we might get captured and put in a museum or studied under a microscope or something)
      So here are 2 undisputable facts, ALL women ONLY date 6 foot tall, extremely wealthy men.   All other men are complete virgins. Never to have sex, fall in love, get married or pro-create.   It said so on Wikipedia. So it’s the gospel truth. 😛

      1. 2.1.1

        I agree with you 100%. I didn’t read that post when it was first written but did see it when I first started reading the blog and also remember Tom P’s smug attitude and the attitude of MANY men who wanted to get really angry at the idea that women MIGHT be rejecting them for being short (although many of them seemed like entitled misogynists truth be told) instead of their anger issues and bad personalities, yet in the SAME comment, would defend their right to their preferences and to discriminate against other people.
        It’s funny. If I want to talk about what I like, I don’t need to slam someone else’s preferences as being invalid (even if they are unrealistic). It was REALLY annoying reading so men insist that no one should ignore short men b/c they couldn’t help it, but THEN list why it was okay for them to like what they like (again, you can like what you like without insisting it is a valid reason to exclude people).   Just don’t date those people and shut up about who does or doesn’t deserve a chance at love.

        No one has to date you. And just b/c you have an issue about something doesn’t mean it’s the reason why someone decided not to date you.   

        1. JennLee

          Nicole, you are so right. Everyone has a right to their preferences, but EMK would also likely tell us that we are responsible for the outcome. If your preferences aren’t holding you down, then OK, but if you aren’t finding love, you need to re-evaluate your preferences to see if you are overlooking possible good connections. But I agree with you that there was a lot of hypocrisy in that thread. I see it a lot. I had a black man try to guilt trip me because I am not attracted to black men. He told me I was a racist, and yet this same man had defended white women who only date black men, saying it was just their preference and they had a right to it. What I learned is that people are fine with your preferences so long as your preferences don’t exclude them. Then they take umbrage. And then at the same time, they never look in the mirror and judge themselves the same way. They have a right to their preferences, but you don’t if your preferences exclude them.

      2. 2.1.2

        I’m a 5’6” short white man (I do specify white because for some ethnicity it is abormaly short) and still indeed virgin at 42 yo for beeing in fact too short. I would not go with protitues nor with a woman having only sympathy.

        1. Yet Another Guy


          While meeting women is not as easy for a man your height as it is for a man my height, I can assure you that there are women out there for you.   I was 6′ on the money at my peak.   Yet, I spent my teens and early twenties womanless because I lacked confidence.   Lack of confidence is a deal breaker with a lot of women because a man who will not stand up for himself will not stand up for his woman.   The number one thing that a man must instill in a woman who is interested in him is the feeling that nothing will happen to her on his watch.   That is why men who are fearless get so many women.   I worked out with guys your height and shorter in my twenties who had absolutely no problem attracting women.   Why? Because they were confident without being cocky.

    2. 2.2

      Agreed. I am 5’4 and small in size and have literally never given any thought to the height of a man when choosing a guy to date. It’s never been an issue because every guy who has ever asked me out has been bigger and taller than me. As a result, I don’t have a height bias. Short men might want to consider aiming for smaller, shorter women as they are more likely to think this way.

  3. 3
    Tracy L

    Hi.  I know post this is a way of urging  women to  expand their dating/mating options, which is great.
    This next comment isn’t aimed at Evan but in light of the topic at hand: Where are the articles (else where) urging men to expand their dating options to include more fat women while pointing out  what great wives they would make. Fat women struggle just as much dating discrimination as short men. To be fair,  obesity unlike height can be  changed. However, men are not made to feel guilty for not wanting to date fat women. In fact, men are never made to feel bad for liking what they like  or not liking what they don’t in women, period (and if I hear that men are just more visual again). That must be really nice for them.

    1. 3.1

      Do you have research data indicating that fat women make better wives than thin or average women?   Is the divorce rate for fat women married to average or thin men lower than for fat women married to fat men?

      1. 3.1.1
        Tracy L

        I wasn’t really saying that fat women made good  wives. I don’t know if they do.  I was merely trying to make a point.
        Please, go find someone else to try to start an argument with. Thank you.

    2. 3.2

      False equivalency.   The weight of woman (or man) is more than just an attraction factor.   It’s also a lifestyle indication.   And, as you rightly point out, weight can be gained or lost.   Heighth cannot.   If a fit, in shape man with a healthly lifestyle, who also happens to be short(er), prefers similar features in a woman why should he be made feel guilty about such preferences?   But more to the point height, weight, attractiveness are all preferences the men and women have respectively.   Just because we have them doesn’t mean we ‘deserve’ them in our prospective mates.   You can want what you want, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to get it.   So a man or a woman has every right to hold on to as high a standard as they wish when seeking a mate, no one is saying they shouldn’t or should feel guilty about doing so.   What is being said, or at least should be said, is that if you have difficulty finding someone that meets your standards, as low or high as they may be, does not give you the privelage of saying there are ‘no good men/women’ in this world.   Becuase quite clearly there are.   You just happen to choose not to want them.

      1. 3.2.1

        Spot on!!!!

      2. 3.2.2

        mgm531 – said “You just happen to choose not to want them.”
        I think it’s more like ” You just happen to not to want them.”     For me, attraction is NOT a choice.   Now I could CHOOSE to get involved with someone I’m not attracted to, but that would be a very poor choice indeed.   And rather cruel to the other person involved.
        I don’t think people willfully “choose” to not be attracted to someone any more than people “choose” to be gay.   But I supposed both of those points will be debated until the end of time.

        1. mgm531

          Whether you choose to be attracted to s paticular type of person, body type or personality, or just are it really doesn’t change my point.   Either way it’s a selective mechanism that men and/or women use to eliminate potential romantic interests.   And if after you have eliminated all the potential romantic interests because of all your various preferences then your demands have outweighed the supply.   Thus the meme of ‘no good men/women left’.   As I said in reality this is not the case.   There are plenty of good men/women left.   The problem is your demands are to unreasonable for the supply available.   That’s when you need to compromise and *gasp* settle.

        2. EmeraldDust

          MGM531 @ . . .
               Well, I don’t believe that there are “no good men” out there, but I do believe that when it comes to finding my match, it’s very slim pickings.   I do believe two people can both be good people, but just not good for EACH OTHER.   I do also believe there are many “bad men” (and women)   out there which is just more to wade through, between the men who are not a good match, and the downright dishonest players, abusers, married people looking for a side dish . . . . But by no means do I believe all or most men are “bad” but most men just aren’t a match for me.
             I don’t think my “checklist” is very unreasonable.   Most of my “check list” items are very practical.   I don’t do long distance.   I am not a cougar so I ignore the college kids who hit on me (and they are probably mostly pranksters)   I don’t respond back to men who list “casual sex” as a relationship goal.   I don’t date smokers because I really can’t stand the smell or taste and I would prefer to cuddle after making love, than to watch him light up.   Also, I watched those things slowly kill my mom and disable my brother. BTDT, don’t want to do it again.      I don’t judge smokers as bad people, but I don’t want to be romantically involved with them either.  
             On top of that, things that are usually touted as being on every woman’s so called   “check list” such as height or income or type of job aren’t even on my radar.   (if you are going to call me a liar, don’t bother, I’ve been called a liar before on that, and just because someone chooses to not believe me, doesn’t make me a liar)   I also actually LIKE gray hair on a man (but it’s not a requirement)   and I don’t mind bald, and I don’t mind moderately overweight, as long as he’s not a coach potato.   (I like to stay active so I would like a partner who can be at least approx half as energetic as me, or more)  
               My preference for clean shaven is still a mystery to me, and as I have said before, I didn’t sit down and decide to compile a list of deal breakers and arbitrarily put big bushy gray beards on the list.   I have discovered that I just don’t really like them, with no choice on my part.   (just as one might discover that they just don’t like brussel sprouts no matter how they are prepared)
             More often than not, if I am not attracted to a man, and he’s not downright ugly and has no obvious physical/personality flaws, I just chalk it up to “Je ne Sai Qua”       (I know, I misspelled that)   For me, it’s NOT a choice no matter how many people insist that it is.
               There have been some studies that suggest that birth control pills change who a woman is attracted to.   I don’t know how vigorous and scientific these studies are, but pheremones have long been believed to influence who you are attracted and who is attracted to you.   This probably is in concert with learned responses to.   (being attracted to people who bear a facial resemblance to parents or other close family members is not uncommon either).
                 So there are way too many factors involved in the science of attraction, and far too much that is still unknown to fault anyone (male or female) for “choosing” to not be attracted to someone.
                 Like blood type, attraction could have it’s roots in physical factors, and like some blood types can be universal donors, and some can not, perhaps some people have innate physiological ability to be attracted to more people and some people can only be attracted to a small handful of people.  
                     Maybe you can turn attraction on and off like a switch, but I can not.   Maybe some people can, some people can’t.  
                 But I don’t think there are “no good men” out there, but because of my innate lack of ability to “choose” to be attracted to someone, finding another match at this late stage of my life could very well be something that won’t happen.  

      3. 3.2.3
        Corey N


        Way to knock it out!!

        1. Jill W.

          Attraction can be a choice. There is a reason why 45 year old women, for example, have far less problems with dating men who are their same height: they are less concerned about what their girlfriends and parents THINK about who are they dating. Women from 20-35 are really concerned with social safety. What their girlfriends think of boyfriend or the guy they are dating is EXTREMELY important. Same thing with the parents. But once women emotionally mature….once they have kids, have a divorce, have been through therapy, etc., their “image” of an ideal partner changes. Women have a very different ideal of attraction. It’s more based on “image” that has been drilled into us by our dads, Sex In The City, Disney films, romance novels, etc. I don’t think it’s as physical as it is with men. That changes with age when life and death issues come into play. A middle aged woman starts to ask herself, “if I develop breast cancer, will this may stand by me.” “If my dad dies, will this man support me.” These questions are far more important than what some gal pal thinks. I also feel women place too much emphasis on chemistry in their early years. My mom and dad were platonic friends for 2 years before they discovered they were in love. They stayed together for 42 years until my mom died. Just something to think about. If your knees aren’t shaking and sweating after a first date, don’t panic.

  4. 4

    I am wondering the same thing. What is a short man? I am 5″6 and I just don’t feel attracted to men shorter than me. Height is not about wanting to feel safe and secure. I literally feel repulsed by men shorter than me and my standard is that I want a man taller than me. I would consider a man 5″8′ and up. I have dated men that were a few inches taller. I don’t necessarily need a man over 6 feet, just taller than me. When I am around short men, I start feeling like I am more powerful and dominant and this is not want I want. I have a friend who’s in a wheelchair and she wants a tall man. She should be happy with a short man but she is someone who is fixated on the wrong things. I am looking for other qualities like loyalty, industrious but not a workoholic, humour, ability to be emotionally open and other traits. Depending on the men, I may compromise on the being taller than me, but even being 5″7 is acceptable. I just don’t like the feeling of looking down on a man

    1. 4.1
      Bella C

      Repulsed?   Wow.

      big ·ot
      noun \ˈbi-gət\

      : a person who strongly and unfairly dislikes other people, ideas, etc. : a bigoted person; especially : a person who hates or refuses to accept the members of a particular group (such as a racial or religious group)

    2. 4.2
      Corey N

      There was a study done, and the persons involved say the height at which most people would notice you were short for a man is 5’5 (or lower). I am obviously below this…

  5. 5

    Note to all men reading this thread.   This shows you that you should all marry & reproduce with the tallest women you can; if you pick a short bride, your sons might inherit her short genes and be discriminated against even by short women!

    1. 5.1

      Genes are not necessarily passed down directly from one generation to the next.   Just because a person may have children with a tall (or short) man or woman doesn’t mean the children will be as short or tall as their parents.   Gene characteristics can lay dormant for multiple generations.   Example, my daughter has blue eyes.   Neither myself nor my daughter’s mother has blue eyes, but my father does on my side and the mother does on her mother’s side.   So that gene skipped a generation.   This can and very often does happen with countless variations of genetic traits.   That’s what makes genetics, and evolution, so fascinating.

  6. 6

    Sorry Evan, this one hits too close to home.   I’m 5’10” and don’t limit myself to just wearing flats.   I sport a 3″ heel (tops) with my shoulders back.   I’ve dated men who are shorter than me, but I just can’t get pass the uncomfortable, awkward feeling I have when I’m with them.   Especially when we are walking side-by-side and if her puts his arm around me.   I prefer my men 6’4″ or taller, and I know I’m limiting myself, but that’s just the way I feel. I don’t care to be looking down on them.   I want to look up into their eyes. It makes me feel, yes FEMININE and vulnerable.   Maybe the same principal applies to men who only prefer big breasted women?   

    1. 6.1

      Yes, I have found it strange that women are routinely berated for not being attracted to short men (which I am, but apparently I am a unicorn in that respect) but men are never chided for not being attracted to girls who are an A cup. Or are fairly physically fit, but don’t have a perfect hourglass figure.    
      One could argue that a girl who is not slim, is a sign of laziness, or poor health or low energy (I don’t necessarily agree but those are the usual reasons given).   One could argue that older women are a greater reproductive risk.   (which is actually true).    
      But small breasts on a woman do not indicate anything about character, health or reproductive or nursing abilities.   (I know, I am small breasted, got pregnant the first time we tried at age 34, nursed him for 9 months –, they might have been small, but they got the job done ! )    
      But no one faults a man for not being attracted to a small busted women.   ( I don’t either, I’m small busted, but I want a man who is truly physically attracted to me, and isn’t trying to force himself to be, because he “should”)   True, a woman COULD   get fake big boob implants, but just because she can, doesn’t mean she SHOULD, or be faulted for having small boobs and not buying fake ones)  
      There might just be a biological reason why many men are attracted to bigger boobs and an hour glass figure, just as there might be a biological reason why women are attracted to taller men.   But only men seem to get to play the “it’s my biological programming card”.
      Truth is, most of us are only attracted to small percentage of people, and many of the things that make us not attracted have NOTHING   to with relationship suitability.   I mostly am attracted to facial features.   Facial features (save for facial EXPRESSIONS) do not determine a partner’s suitability, but most of have at some point in our lives been unattracted due to the construct of a person’s face.
      I can’t feel attraction for most men with big bushy beards.   A small amount of facial hair I can sometimes get past (or not even be unattracted to), but generally speaking, I just can’t feel attracted to hairy guys.   I don’t think beards indicate any negative character trait, but it just is a big turn off to me.   Believe me, if I could take a pill and get over THAT, I would, because it seems like 99% of the men who contact me on line look like the Duck Dynasty cast.   I don’t even understand my aversion to beards, my very first serious relationship was with a man with a full moustache and beard. Don’t know what changed.   Since so many men in my age group are sporting this look (and I would NEVER ask a man to change his appearance for me)   I guess I’m S.O.L.   A man with a beard could be a good relationship partner, but I couldn’t be a good relationship partner to him if the thought of kissing him was repulsive to me.       

      1. 6.1.1

        I do agree that most men like bigger breasts. But I really don’t know any man who won’t date a woman because of her breast size. Has that really been your experience with men? There is a difference with having a preference(bigger breasts for men) and having a deal breaker(height for women).

        1. l8dyluck81

          Height isn’t necessarily a dealbreaker for women either. Most of us who like tall men just have a preference for them, too. I personally prefer men who are  at least  6 feet tall, but that doesn’t mean I would never go out with guys who don’t meet that measurement.

        2. KD

          Please see my comment at the end of this list. I am a 5’1″ woman who has rarely ever been approached by short men. Usually near and over 6′. Is it just that not enough short men are taking the initiative because they think they will be shot down? That is silly because a short girl is far more likely to not care if you are short.

        3. Corey N

          That is bull. I have shot down by numerous short women. Get out more!

      2. 6.1.2

        Yeah sorry Emerald Dust, not trying to be disagreeable here, but I agree with Morris. I’m an A-cup woman myself, and it’s never held me back in dating. I’m slender and leggy, and overall fit the conventional beauty norms much more than I deviate from it, so I’m not saying men don’t care about women’s looks, but I haven’t found they have physical dealbreakers the way women do about height.

        I know a guy who’s outspoken about liking full lips, all the celeb woman he likes are the pouty ones, but I’ve never seen him date a full-lipped woman, lol. And I’m pretty sure he’d date thin-lipped Emma Watson   (even without her money/fame) if he had the chance.

        1. EmeraldDust

          Morris/Twinkle – Well I’ve never asked a guy if my little-itty-bitty-cup size was a factor, but I have observed men, who have a string of girlfriends of the same body type.   I have seen a few men only with slightly overweight women (rare, but I have seen it, so there is hope for the big girls), I have seen men who had busty girls every time, AND, I have seen men who typically go for the A cups like me.   My first hubby’s first wife was flatter than me.   Pics of former girlfriends revealed this trend.   He would often comment on bustier women as being “fat”.   In fact, sorry for the TMI, but he seemed to worship my little-itty-bitty-cup size.   Said they were just perfect, that he liked the way they fit perfectly in his hand, etc.  
          So for every guy who likes ’em big, there’s probably one who likes ’em small.   And I don’t think guys in any camp are wrong.   We are attracted to what we are attracted to.
          I think the men who always seem to end up with tiny petite women (and usually this comes with a small cup size) it might have something to do with making them feel masculine.   (even if it is just on a subconscious level)   Just like women say they feel more feminine with a man who is taller, some men may need a smaller woman to feel masculine.   Remember, both my husbands were in the 5’6″ – 5’7″ range.   My room mate even commented when she saw older pictures of me, when I was way to skinny, that I looked like a delicate flower that needed to be taken care of.  
          Any way, the original point that I was trying to make   (not trying to do PR work for A cup crowd) was that both genders have physical preferences that are not an indicator of relationship suitability.   And since physical attraction is what sets apart a marriage/co-habitating/love relationship from everyone else, it is essential to a relationship.  
          I think scolding and shaming people for whom they are attracted to, accusing them of being “haters” is ridiculous.   I don’t think people who aren’t attracted to short, chubby, busty, flat, black, white, etc. are haters.   (I don’t hate women, but I don’t date them either 🙂   )   What I think that they hate is being told that they are WRONG for not being attracted to whatever group they aren’t attracted to.

        2. Luka

          “So for every guy who likes ’em big, there’s probably one who likes ’em small.   And I don’t think guys in any camp are wrong.   We are attracted to what we are attracted to.”

          Thats the total opposite of what you originally posted.

          All sorts of preferences exist in regards womens bodies – and all different sorts of womena re considered attractive – the point about height is theres an overwhelming generalization that women want tall men, and thats a fact. You should be gloating, short men have it very hard and you don’t suffer in this way, win for you.


      3. 6.1.3

        I really don’t know many men who prefer big breasts.   I know guys who like perky or natural breasts but size rarely comes up with guys I know over the age of 18.   I’m more of a butt and foot guy than a breast guy. 🙂

        1. Luka

          I think its a generational thing – look at the archetypes of beauty from the 70’s or earlier and you see it. Not anymore. I’m 32 and I’ve never had a male friend even comment of breast size, I think it went out of fashion with Baywatch

      1. 6.2.1

        Im 6’9 & you know what…I have as many relationship problems as the next guy…I go through heartache, breakups, getting finessed, communication issues you name it. Sorry bro but get over it nobody has it easy…if you are real about it all you are looking for is one. The grass is greener where you water it…a lot of women DON’T want tall guys…they are AFRAID. Stop crying and get out there and find her.

  7. 7

    Wow, it’s hard to read this post and not have emotions come up. I am 5’6″ and have had boyfriends from 5’5″ to 6’2″. Looking back, it is definitely their personalities that I remember the most and not their heights. My best memories are with the guys who were the kindest, most generous and just fun to be with, and they weren’t necessarily the tallest, in fact, not at all. This is where online dating falls short, (ha! no pun intended.) It just doesn’t give you a clear picture of someone’s personality. If you meet a shorter guy out in the real world, he could completely sweep you off your feet with his personality and make you forget about his height altogether. Also, as a side note, when I see couples where the woman is taller than the guy, it looks so sexy. Both people have to be very confident to go against the status quo and that confidence makes you really notice them. I met such a pair last weekend and they were stunning together.

  8. 8

    As the first guy poster, reading the comments I certainly feel fortunate that I am, by happenstance, 6 feet tall.   And, no, I’m not fudging it.   But reading the comments from the women so far makes me kinda sad.   Height is so irrelevant.   Yes, I know I have never had to worry about it, but I equate this desire to my stupid guy friends who want girls with large breasts, or only want to date blonds (or red heads).   Yes, it was because they said they “couldn’t help it”, it was what they “were attracted to”.   Whatever.   Yes, those guys are rightly to be considered by the female population as being shallow.   And this height thing is no different.

    1. 8.1

      But attraction IS shallow.   I do not believe it can be forced.   And I think it is foolish to try and force oneself to be attracted to someone if they are not.
      Very tragic in fact.   There were a few letters on this blog written from women who tried to force a relationship with men whom they felt NO attraction to.   Sad for both people here.
      (No, I am not speaking of attraction that starts off moderately and then blossoms into a greater attraction, I am talking about women who tried to force themselves to be in a relationship with a man who she found UNATTRACTIVE, but felt obliged to, because he was so good to her.   I am sick of women being advised to set the attraction bar to “not repulsed by” which is very different than saying to not let less than wild & crazy attraction be a deterrent.   I think this type of advice is more harmful to the men than the women, because it is the men who ultimately get hurt in those cases of attempted forced attraction)  

      1. 8.1.1


        I cosign. And while I know that Evan does not want us to end up with men we are not attracted to, I do think there is a double standard with what women hear versus men. I have been in two relationships with men that I was not attracted to because they were absolutely wonderful people and had to end up breaking both their hearts as eventually, it became a serious problem.:(

        So you know what? I would just rather be alone. If he comes, he comes.    But I  am open to men who are not my type – certainly. However, the attraction must be at least a ‘6’ for me now.               

        1. EmeraldDust

          Hi Stacy @ 8.1.1 – I know what you mean about breaking hearts. I actually feel WORSE when I hurt someone than vice-versa. I always SWEAR I am going to stop trying to force an attraction where there is none to very little, but sometimes he is just so into me, I figure I should at least give it a try . . .

          As far as my “type” goes, I have been attracted to a wide variety of looks, but not EVERY SINGLE LOOK. And it’s not like I sat down one day and made the mythical “check list” and just arbitrarily decided on a laundry list of deal breaking physical attributes a man must have in order for me to be interested. Over time, I just discovered that I am generally not attracted to a handful of “types”. With most men, the lack of attraction is not always something I can pin-point in terms of his looks. However, sometimes I am surprised when I FIND MYSELF attracted to someone who doesn’t have the look I’m usually attracted to. When that happens, I don’t break out into an evil laugh and say, “Well, you didn’t meet item # 77 on my check list, buh-bye”. I will go with it. If I find myself UNATTRACTED to someone who has a look I generally like, it is usually an intellectual or emotional disconnect.

          The line of reasoning I have heard in regards to the double standard behind men being attracted vs women being attracted is, once again, the biological hard wiring card. Because of men’s (ahem) equipment not working unless they are aroused, since it is impossible to consumate a relationship unless the equipment works, men are usually given a pass if they aren’t attracted to a particular woman, or a particular type of woman. (and they should be given that pass) But I guess since a woman’s equipment doesn’t necessarily HAVE to work (but it’s a lot more pleasurable when it does), then her level of how attracted she feels is somehow irrelevant. IDK, it seems as though as a long as a woman can lay still and be penetrated, her arousal is secondary.

          My problem is, so few men are interested in me to begin with and I am interested in so few men as well. And due to my age (and a medication decision I had to make ) I haven’t felt that over the top attraction for anyone in this incarnation of being single. That’s probably a GOOD thing, as that over the top attraction is blinding and usually leads to no good. But I am capable of enjoying a moderate amount of chemistry and when combined with a feeling of emotional connectedness and safety, I imagine it would really be a nice feeling to have. Better than that wild roller coaster of passion from my younger days.

          When my inbox consists of a trickle of men, 2 out of towners, a frat boy out cougar hunting, a married man looking for a side dish, and 2 local, single, age appropriate men whose profile, picture and intial e-mail leave me feeling “meh” or “blah”, there’s not much I can do.

          I am open to the idea of a relationship, but I am living my life prepared to be single forever. If it happens (with mutual affection and mutual attraction) then that would be great ! But if it doesn’t happen for me again, then so be it. I had my moment in the sun, and now the sun has set. The odds are stacked against me, given my age, my only slightly cute looks, my inability to will myself to be attracted to someone I’m not (which is most men)

          Like you, I used to set the attraction bar at “6” but that has never really grown sufficiently to sustain a relationship, and I have hurt men who started at “6”. It usually drops, rather than raises. I am incapable of feeling a level 9 or 10 attraction, and 8 is rare for me to start at. My “sweet spot” seems to be attraction level 7. It feels good enough to be really be enjoyable, and if things go well it will rise to level 8. Who knows, maybe given enough time with the right guy, it could even go higher, if combined with enough emotional connection and feeling of safety. But I haven’t been with anyone long enough this time around to find out.

    2. 8.2

      Ehh, as a short guy I don’t find it to be shallow.   We can’t   help what we’re   attracted to, no matter how silly or impractical.   I love tall, athletic brunettes BTW if any are reading this. 🙂

  9. 9

    It goes both ways.
    1) women do not like short men
    2) men do not like frumpy overweight old women

    1. 9.1

      Thanks for clarifying Ethan. I must have missed those numerous posts that say men prefer fat old women. 😃

    2. 9.2

      Again, false equivalency.   You can be a short frumply overweigt man or you can be a tall frumpy overweight man or woman.   The choice to be frumpy and overweight is entirely in control of the individual.   The height of a person is not.   So no, they are not the same.

    3. 9.3

      Hmmm… Actually Ethan,   go back and re-read what Emerald, Stacy and so many other women on other post have stated…

      Women don’t want unattractive, or overweight men either…

      It’s just that unlike men, it “seems” that women can look at the overall person and as long as there is at least some attraction, she will give him a shot…

      Men mostly only focus on body & looks, passing up many potentially good women for the sake monetary vanity… which will get old   to him or just naturally fade away

      Read some post by Starthrower, she seems like she would make a great life partner, but she has been passed up because she doesn’t have the same body that the maxium model has… It’s sad, I bet many of the lonely men, the same ones who passed her by because of her weight, will never realized what they missed.

      Again, I agree with Emerald, if their is at least a base attraction, I think we men should give all woman a chance… I know I will start after reading so many post on this site.  

  10. 10

    I was talking about this just today! I live in Europe and 6′ is the average. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_height
    I don’t think taller man are necessarily cuter. But yes, some women and I quote “admire it” … like it’s an achivement.
    But it’s a choice, men do it to…in my experience I was not blonde.

  11. 11

    I concur with most of the women on this post. It is not necessarily all about security. It may not even be logical but most women are just not naturally attracted to shorter men. I dated a guy who was about 5’5″ (I am 5’7″) and his short baby chest was just  a turn off Evan.   Like seriously…

    No one forces men to  turn off their attraction meter.    I  understand about giving shorter men a chance but Evan, that’s like saying give a man you are not attracted to in the least, a chance. You may not understand it. You may  think that we can get past the attraction meter if we were to look at other attributes, but it is almost innate. I cant even change it!   So while I am open to men that are at least 5’7″ (and  that is pushing it for me), asking me to go below that (and many women) is not practical.

    And attraction is shallow. Obviously we wont forsake good qualities (hopefully anyway) just because he is tall.   But, the superficial (to a point) and the psychological/emotional/spiritual cannot be divorced from each other.            

    1. 11.1

      Sad but true.   You really can’t have a satisfying relationship without some physical attraction.   But you also can’t have a relationship if physical attraction is the ONLY thing going for it. Unfortunately it takes longer to figure out compatibility than (physical) attraction, and if the physical attraction is too great, it can blind one to red flags.   Some scientists say it takes less that one second to determine in our minds if we are (physically) attracted to someone. To bad compatibility couldn’t be determined that quickly.

    2. 11.2

      Evan’s advice has been invaluable in my life and I can’t go a day without reading his blog.   I appreciate his advice and take it to heart and I know he is trying to help woman find successful relationships and happiness.   But I find it really frustrating when I hear that in order for a man to open his heart and commit to a woman (propose marriage) that he has to feel a certain way around her – she has to make him feel good about himself (men are ego driven).   Well guess what, the road in life doesn’t travel one way.   Women need to feel good about themselves as well when they’re with a man and if that man is shorter and she does not find that attractive and can’t see herself building a life with him, then she has every right to move on and find what does make her happy.   Just like a man would.   

  12. 12

    One of the most passionate relationships I ever had was with a man who is shorter than me. Almost 15 years later, I still have good memories…  

  13. 13

    Definitely Agree with Sunflower, – well said,girl!!!
    I am 5.11″ and same here- can not pass the uncomfortable feeling of walking next to him and looking down to him.. and nothing to do with people or on public.. Even if we are alone in the desert – I just do not feel good to have to bend my knees   to   kiss or hug my man – and does not matter how nice he could be.. this uncomfortable feeling will Eventually kill the Like or pleasure from the rest of the interaction.
    And I strongly believe that men themselves deep down   feel uncomfortable as well, because they can not really express their natural Protective self – say by hugging   and comforting me- How would he do this simple thing ,if he had to get on a lather for it… or have to ask me – “babe,bend over for me to hug and comfort you”…bhhaaaa…
    I had friends which were drastic example it that – he was good FOOT shorter than her- they were happy and really attached and so funny and making fun from their own inadequacy look when together and she was hugging him on his shoulders…brrrr… And… guess what – they lasted about   a year – Not more..
    I also hear from 6.3″ men who had 5.3” girlfriends to be saying the same or similar – they do not particularly feel comfortable to have dwarf as partner and to have to bend on two to comfort her. They much     more admire a woman on their “size”..
    So,yea,people – may be we all have to stick with the “normal – our “size” height and weight..

    1. 13.1
      Corey N

      “I also hear from 6.3”³ men who had 5.3”³ girlfriends to be saying the same or similar — they do not particularly feel comfortable to have dwarf as partner and to have to bend on two to comfort her. They much     more admire a woman on their “size”..
      So,yea,people — may be we all have to stick with the “normal — our “size” height and weight..”
      …and yet these 6’3 men will happily marry those “dwarf” women, but in the reverse situation women will not do the same.

  14. 14

    I’m an average height (5″5′) curvy girl. My ex-bf is a small frame short guy. I believe he is 5″6. I recall him calling me BIG everytime he wanted to insult me during an argument. i’m highlighting here: it was not me calling him short, but him calling me big. Small guys are insecure. No surprise, we broke up. He is with a super short Asian girl now with a body of a 10 year old boy. I hope he feels better 🙂 and I got married to 6″2′ man 😉

    1. 14.1
      Corey N

      My aunt was abused by 3 previous bfs all over 6ft. What conclusion should I draw here? Are you trying to link the fact that he called you BIG to his (lack of) height, like there are no tall men out there who would call you BIG if they thought you were BIG? Get out more!

  15. 15

    Of course height is not relevant to a relationship. But, overwhelmingly, women are attracted to tall men.
    Of course weight is not relevant to a relationship. But, overwhelmingly, men are attracted to slim women.
    It is what it is. It may be stupid, it may be unfair, it may disadvantage whole populations of people in the dating pool. But. It is what it is. It’s reality.
    if men say “but that’s not fair, more women SHOULD be attracted to short men” and women say “but that’s not fair, more men SHOULD be attracted to heavy women” they might as well be saying the sky is blue but I really, really wish it was purple.

    1. 15.1
      Corey N

      Attracted versus what that will ACTUALLY settle for. I direct you to you local mall! I live near Greenwood Park Mall in Indiana, I see PLENTY of men with plump women, I do NOT see plenty of women with men that are 5’5 or shorter (actual short men).

      1. 15.1.1

        Many women are slim when they are dating but plump after 10 years of wedded bliss and 3 kids.   A man who is short a decade into the marriage would have to have been short when he attracted and married his wife, too.

        1. Corey N

          I see ALOT of young fat girls with slim bfs here in Indiana…

  16. 16

    I’m a 5’8″ gal  and looking for a quality guy.   My gf’s husband is about 5’6″ and is a Wonderful husband to her so I decided to expand my search to include shorter guys.   Met two of them from MATCH, unfortunately was underwhelmed.   Both of them talked incessantly about themselves, and the first date was about 2.5 hours..I really felt it was over compensation or something, but clearly he was trying too hard and I won’t see him again.
    The second one said he was 5’8″ on Match, when we met he was clearly 2 or more inchers shorter.   I couldn’t help looking at his  short hands and fingers and I wondered…what else might be miniature.   Hated myself for doing so.   He made a comment on how skinny my arms were, when in fact they weren’t skinny, but just longer than his and appeared that way.   Try as I might, I could not really like this guy as I think he had a complex and spent the whole time talking about himself, his great job, his great friends…and not asking me anything about myself.
    Maybe that’s the true problem with shorter men- their lack of self-esteem.   It’s a shame.   I hesitate to try dating one again.

    1. 16.1
      Tracy L

      This is what makes short men so unappealing to me, their lack of self-worth, over-compensating and competitive behavior.   Every short guy I have ever attempted to date exhibited this same behavior. They have never gotten past a first date with me.
      How  could this prevalent behavior be tolerable in a long-term relationship?

      1. 16.1.1
        Corey N

        Really? Every one of my aunt’s bf were over 6ft and abused her. Guess she should stay away from 6fters? Guess all women should?

    2. 16.2

      I see, so a sample of two bad dating experiences with short(er) men equates to general concensous about ALL short(er) men.   Interesting…

      1. 16.2.1

        No offense I am interested to know why you seem upset at her comment that she didn’t like dating short men but you said before that only thin women are acceptable to you because being overweight suggests that she makes poor lifestyle decisions. It seems like you want women to give you a chance for your perceived flaw but you don’t think men should do that same. Am I wrong?

        1. Corey N

          One of these is changeable, one is not.

        2. Angel


          Corey N
          One of these is changeable, one is not.
          If these women don’t change themselves into slim ones, you don’t want to date them…
          Doesn’t it still mean you DON’T WANT to date heavy women?

    3. 16.3


      Women seem to do this ad nauseum.. judge all short men, based on a couple of dates.

      Are you really going to tell me that they could not have been taller men, and had the same attitude? Because I can throw a marble into a crowd a few times, and bets are that within 10 tries, I could find two such men for ya.

      Please correct your prejudice.

    4. 16.4

      I am 5’7″ and am in a relationship with a man the same height as me, perhaps slightly shorter. This is a first; I have always dated men taller than me.

      I wasn’t sure how I would feel about it, but when I hugged him for the first time when I met him, and looked straight into his eyes, I knew it would be OK. Unlike the much taller man who spoke ENTIRELY about himself for an hour and a half phone call, this man, despite being a successful doctor (or perhaps because of it), asks me lots of questions about myself.  I was amazed at how good he looked with his shirt off and shortly after that pleasant discovery,  I discovered that he had quite the opposite of what you feared with your short man, Andrea.  

      I think it’s a false equivalency for you to feel that all short guys are insecure and self-absorbed and have low self-esteem and possibly tiny equipment.

      Based on my experience of two tall men, I could conclude that men 6′ and taller only want women for sex and not love. But that would be a false equivalency as well.

  17. 17

    I’m tall, 5’11”.   I actually like guys around my height or a bit shorter – or taller (but over 6’5″ I don’t enjoy).   I’ve been on Match for about 8 months and haven’t received many messages (less than 20).   My theory was ‘it’s my age and it’s my height’ so I ran an experiment. I changed my age from 48 to 39 – and stated clearly in my profile headline and twice in the body that I am actually 48.   No noticeable increase in messaging.   Next I changed my height to 5’8″ (again, stating in multiple places that I am, in fact, 5’11”).   I got more messages in two hours than I’d had in the previous 8 months.   And MOST of them were from men 5’11” or taller.   WTF?!   Problem now is I’ve become so bitter and jaded over the previous eight months that right now I have absolutely no interest in meeting anyone.

    1. 17.1

      Yep Shelly, I’ve seen articles that have told taller women to decrease their height online.   So I tried it as well.   I’m right around 5′-8 1/2-3/4″, and instead of putting 5′-9″, I put 5′-8″.   It does make a difference.

    2. 17.2

      In response to Shelly, all I can say is “wow!”   I am 6’2″ and I am 42 years old.   I always assumed my lack of success with online dating was due to my age (being a woman over 40).   Your experiment is so telling: You lied about your age but were truthful about your height and the number of messages were the same.    You lied about your height but were truthful about your age and you received more messages in two hours than in eight months?!?!   That finding is incredible to me.

      It is very difficult to come to terms with the knowledge that you are undesireable to the opposite sex because of your height or age.

      As a tall woman, my experience with height is that very few men are comfortable standing next to me when deciding whether to be romantically involved with me.   I am rarely approached and if approached while sitting down, as soon as I stand up, I sense any initial attraction from the man draining out of him.   Unfortunately, height is equated with masculinity.   As a tall woman who is not of supermodel quality, I have to work extra hard to be seen as feminine.   Try as I might to be as feminine as possible, I was ignored and relegated to being the wall flower for most of my life–men were not interested in getting to know me romantically.  

      I final got my first boyfriend at the age of 36!   I was so happy because I had pretty much assumed that I was too unattractive for men due to my height.   My boyfriend was 5’10” and he loved my height.   He was completely comfortable putting his arm around me as we walked down the street.   We dated for three years and I thought this would be the man I would marry and have a family with.   I couldn’t believe my luck because I never thought any man would want me.   After three years of dating, when his job and financial situation became stable, my boyfriend finally felt ready to get married.   That was when he broke up with me.   I was 39 and my boyfriend didn’t want to take the risk of marrying me and then not being able to have children because of my AGE.   This, despite the fact that we had discussed and agreed that we both wanted children when envisioning our future together.   It was a horrible break-up.   It devestated me to my core.   

      I agree with the premise that height and weight are not the same thing and cannot be compared.   To my way of thinking, it is shallow to romantically reject a man or woman on the basis of an inherent characteristic that cannot be changed in any way, whether that be height or age.   Height and age cannot be changed, they can only be lived with.

      Conversely, I do not think it is shallow for a person to romantically reject a man or a woman on the basis of weight.   Weight can be changed.

      What I find most irritating is an overweight woman or a woman who is not as fit as she could be, complaining about dating while refusing to date men who are of her height or shorter. The shallowness is unnerving.    Try being a women over six feet and older than 40.  

      1. 17.2.1

        I’m only 5’6″ but I LOVE taller women.   A cute 6’2″ female in 5 inch heels?   Sure!   5’2″ also works for me.   I don’t care about height.   However, I do care about weight.   I run, swim, go to the gym, and eat healthy.   I prefer a partner who enjoys the same.

  18. 18
    Kristyn - with a Y

    I have dated men who my height (5’2″) up to 6.9″.   You know what my preference is?   The guy with integrity, who has character, and a sense of humor, who treats me well.   

    1. 18.1

      Thank goodness.. there are a few of you out there who will relegate height to a preference, rather than a requirement, when considering the man as a whole! 🙂

  19. 19
    Gratis Ptaka

    Most men don’t get it. Women don’t care about you. To women, men are safety nets. To women, men are security blankets. When she says…
    I love you.
    You’re my best friend.
    You’re family.
    …what do you think she really means? If you said she means what she said verbatim, you’re the next biggest sucker. Any time a woman says she loves you, if a universal translator were available, here’s what you’d hear:
    You’re the best I can do at the moment.
    You will likely be a great future source of alimony and/or child support.
    Your life is that of a disposable utility. I make the babies.
    Listen carefully, men. You will be punished dearly for opting out. MGTOW will become the most hated. Here is the future of your world. Every effort is being put in place to prevent you from opting out en masse. You have “yes means yes”, the redefinition of cohabitation in terms of asset and alimony division and the redefinition of domestic violence in terms of denying monetary resources. You can already be put in jail for yelling at your wife or girlfriend. If you think I’m overestimating your threat, I don’t care. You’ll be the idiot, sitting in jail, harking back mentally to my post. Please think me paranoid. I dare you.
    Women know that the worst of the worst of their actions will come back to haunt them. They hope that those consequences, per usual, can be mostly shouldered by men.
    Here is the future. Celebrate it:
    Women are quite happy to depend on the government if the father doesn’t meet her expectations. Men are quite happy too, as higher taxes are a lot better than complete financial annihilation through divorce. Governments love higher taxes. Many same sex couples are going to want children. As the decline in heterosexual “marital” relationships continues, and it will, more and more will opt for same sex relationships and/or domestic partnerships/cohabitation. Traditionalist views on relationships will gradually become extinct. Polygamist like relationships and/or the broad acceptance of polygamist domestic partnerships amongst heterosexuals, bisexuals, homosexuals and lesbians will become more popular as well.
    Female empowerment means that there are fewer men capable of providing for a family. Women want the highest paying, most prestigious, most powerful jobs for themselves. At the same time, women want to marry up. As divorce is nearly a death sentence for breadwinning males, men are opting out of marriage and family. More and more, women will find that they’ll have to go it alone.
    Jobs have been shipped overseas so that corporations can benefit from cheaper labor costs. Engineering and high tech jobs are being filled by H1-B visa workers so that corporations can benefit from cheaper labor costs. Jobs that can be outsourced to stagnate wages are being outsourced. Mass immigration of low skilled workers is being used to stagnate wages and fill entry level jobs. Jobs are being contracted out by both the government and corporations to create a disposable workforce and to forgo the higher cost of directly employing workers. Both corporations and the government conspire to divide and destroy society through mass immigration, outsourcing, H1-B visas and division of the populace via race, gender, wealth and age.
    Most every bread winning man now knows the devastating consequences that divorce can have on their lives. The result of divorce is often severe psychological, emotional, legal, physical and financial destruction. For these reasons, men will continue to opt out of marriage and family or resort to cohabitation as a lessor of the two evils. As women become the majority of breadwinners, and they will, they’ll feel the same way. Feminism taught women that marriage was slavery. Breadwinning men now know that marriage is a death trap.
    The national debt will continue to rise. Entitlement programs will go bankrupt. Eventually, a tipping point will be reached and there will be a call to replace the dollar as the world’s reserve currency. Efforts to accomplish this are already underway. The negative consequences that will follow are unthinkable.
    The liberal/feminist model of heterosexual marriage has and will continue to fail. Most men aren’t going to allow themselves to be ruled by women in relationships. Women think they want to have power over men in relationships, but have no respect for and are repulsed by the men that aren’t at least their equal in terms of education, finances and social standing. Both sides under the liberal/feminist model are far more promiscuous, more likely to commit adultery and more likely to indulge in infidelity — even in the face of STDs. The playing field for the worst in human behavior is level under the feminist/liberal model.
    To sustain the population, prop up the GDP through population growth and to save the entitlement programs, the only solution from the government’s standpoint is mass welfare and tax breaks for single mothers and/or mass immigration. As xenophobia is common everywhere, the preferred method is going to be the mass acceptance of single motherhood and a massive increase in services for single mothers. How? Through higher taxes and/or the diversion of tax funds. More resources will be dedicated to same sex couples under this expanding model as well. This change is social values has been around for a while, is the norm in certain countries and will eventually become the norm across the globe.
    As time marches on, fewer and fewer will marry, out of wedlock births will become the majority, polygamy will be legalized, same sex marriage will become more popular and children raised by same sex couples will become widely accepted. The alternative is the threat of massive population decline like that found in Japan. A return to a “traditional culture” like that of the ’50s is highly unlikely for obvious reasons.
    As marriage/birth rates continue to decline, huge increases in spending on single mothers will ensue. It already has in several countries. As time passes, greater and greater efforts to enact legislation that benefits women at the expense of men’s lives will increase. Even though women already have enormous gynocentric privilege through current laws and policies, ever more misandric legislation is currently being pushed across the globe.
    Marriage and birth rates are tanking in Japan, Singapore, the Netherlands, Taiwan, Scandinavia, Canada, the UK, parts of the Middle East, France, Spain, Germany, Russia, Hong Kong, S. Korea, the US, etc. Mass immigration partially hides these facts. Parts of the Netherlands and Scandinavia are widely touted as social utopias in American mainstream media. What’s not talked about by the mainstream media is the declining marriage/birth rates, high taxes, high cost of goods, the increase in misandry through legislation and social upheaval due to mass immigration. What’s not talked about is that, where mass immigration is used to counter low marriage/birth rates, what follows is social upheaval, unsustainable spikes in welfare costs, the formation of xenophobic immigrant communities, the illegal implementation of laws within these communities (Sharia — for example) and a disproportionate increase in crime emanating from these communities.
    Because of the above, the push for ever more misandric laws will increase. Why? Because women make the babies and women won’t have the same power over men that they had through marriage. Cohabitation reform (aka: alimony and asset division) is going to come soon to force transfer of wealth from men to women. This is already being proposed in the UK and other places. Redefining domestic abuse in cohabitation in terms of bullying and denying monetary resources is also being pushed in the UK and other places. Why? To force the transfer of resources from men to women. In some countries, this is already law.
    In the future, about 20-30 percent will marry and have children within wedlock. The vast majority of births will occur outside of wedlock and marriage for most will become a thing of the past. In the US, 40% of births are already out of wedlock and marriage rates will continue the decade’s long decline. Singles in the US are now the majority.
    As a result of the above, massive shifts in social spending will be devoted to single mothers. This has already happened and will escalate globally. Policies and laws will also shift heavily in favor of single mothers.
    This is how deeply gynocentric, liberal, misandric, feminist societies operate, folks. Socialism will become the norm globally. You think capitalism is bad? Wait until you see how socialism works. If you don’t know how socialism works, there are plenty of historical examples from which to learn. Sweden, oft touted as a socialist utopia, ranks near the top in term of income inequality. Buckle up.

    1. 19.1

      OMG…what is this rant about…???!!! What a crap – excuse the straightness.!!!

      1. 19.1.1

        Just another rant from another Angry White Male.   The incidence of AWM syndrome has skyrocketed in the past 6 years–coinciding with the election of our first black president. And no, I am not playing the race card, this is fact.
        Somehow, there is a certain segment of the white male population who attribute all of their shortcomings in life to: women, blacks, Asians, Hispanics, as well as anyone else who challenges their dominion.

        1. Julia


      2. 19.1.2

        Gen’l commentary on the misogyny in the manosphere. (of which Gratis provides an excellent example)
        They are angry at the loss of male priviledge.
           Notice how they complain about how women are now allowed to compete for and get high paying jobs.   We are no longer relegated to volunteer work and minimum wage work.   When equal pay for equal work and equal job opportunity laws were passed, I remember many men screaming that women were “taking away THEIR jobs”.   (Funny if 5 men apply for the same job, the one man who is hired is not considered to be “taking away a job” from the other 4 men, but if a woman gets hired, she is seen as “taking away a job” from a male.)
           Also notice that they complain about alimony and child support.   Well, in the “good old days ” if a man married a woman, she could be forced into basically unpaid servitude since women at one time were not allowed to own property,   inherit money, have credit in their own name, jobs could have separate pay scales for men & women, and help wanted ads used to be divided into “Help Wanted Female/Help Wanted Male”, (with the “female” side of the equation being low paying & dead end).   If he decided to dump his wife & kids for a younger model, then he SHOULD pay support under those circumstances.   The way society used to be set up, a middle age woman whose “career” for the past 20 years was unpaid domestic servant, could not support herself and children. If her husband dumped for a younger woman she would be SOL without alimony/child support.
        They also complain that men can no longer control their spouses by controlling the purse strings.
        When they complain about “re-distribtution” of wealth from men to women, what they are REALLY complaining about is that males are no longer allowed to control women by having 100% control of the purse strings.
        If they REALLY were angry about spousal maintenance, they would WELCOME equal job opportunities for women, because then women would be capable of being financially self supporting, and wouldn’t require spousal maintenance/child support.
        They love to rant about how “half of their assets” will go to the woman if the marriage doesn’t last.   They rarely mention that if the wife worked he will also get “half of her assets”.   50/50 child custody is not unheard of, and depending on the income of EACH partner, a woman, even in a 50/50 child custody case could be ordered to pay child support to her ex husband.   In fact, a friend of mine who shares custody with her ex, was “ordered” to pay less than $5 a month in child support to her ex husband.   It was simply a mathematical formula based on their incomes and assets, and since she made slightly more than her ex, the formula spit out that amount.    
        What men like Gratis   REALLY want is a return to the good old days when men controlled women by controlling 100% if the wealth.   When women were only allowed to do volunteer work, or dead end low paying work.   And not allowed to inherit or own property. Or have credit in her own name.    And her husband could control all of the money, including the $5 a week she earned at some part time job.   He could give her an “allowance”, take away her “allowance” on a whim, or simply not give her an allowance at all.   And often times that “allowance” was to be used for household expenses such as groceries, and she had to strictly account for how she spent “her allowance”.
        Also the manospherians have a same “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” mentality about sex.   They hate women who put out for being “sluts”, and they hate women who don’t put out because they feel sexually entitled to have any woman, any time, on THEIR terms only.   Many manospherians feel as Elliott Rodgers feels, to quote ER “Women should not have the right to choose who to mate with. That choice should be made for them by civilised men of intelligence.”

        In short, frustrated manospherians like Gratis are very angry that they can’t co-erce women into having sex with them, and control women by controlling 100% of the wealth.
        As for the “civilized men of intelligence”, they certainly don’t inhabit the mysogynist underbelly of internet, aka the manosphere.   I can’t speak to their IQ’s, but anyone who thinks that society should be structured to hold down any group of people by physical and/or financial force is NOT civilized.
        OK, counter-rant over, thanks for reading.

        1. JennLee

          I read it a bit differently than you ED. He noted that women have gotten many of the high paying jobs, but insist on marrying up. He sees it from a man’s perspective because men are OK with marrying down. If a man has a degree and a high paying job, he doesn’t insist that a woman be his equal or better Women typically do. The fact that more men with degrees marry women with degrees has more to do with life putting them in proximity as a result of their degrees than men insisting on her having a degree. It starts with being in college together. Many people get married while in college, or shortly after, to somebody they met in college. Others meet through their work. others meet through social gatherings. Parties, the pubs we hang out at. People with higher income tend to frequent places that those without high income do not. Some mistake this for men preferring or even insisting on a woman with a degree. Most men know differently. You only need to look at the preferences listed on dating websites where they allow you to state what you want in a man, or what a man wants in a woman. Most professional women will either directly or indirectly make their preferences for a professional man known. For education, men don’t ask for degrees, women do. He as noting that at one time, this need to marry up was easy to fulfill, but it is becoming harder and harder to even marry an equal.

          As for men wanting to control women with the purse strings. That’s malarkey. Do some men want to do that? Sure. I know some women that DO do that with their men. And even back in the “good ole days,” my dad came home and gave my mom the money to run the house with. He did not control her with the money. He would always ask her if there was money in the budget for anything he wanted. He was a very happy man too. A good man. A very very good man. His whole purpose in life was to take care of his family. But, he had a lot of benefits for that, or at least he saw it that way. I know a lot of traditional type men who have no desire to control women. That’s a feminist fall back trump card to toss out at will. The truth is there are as many women who want to control men as there are men who want to control women. Fact.

          And let’s give up and that whole patriarchy thing. We don’t live in a patriarchal society anymore. We live in a Matriarchal society. I’ll debate anyone on that and shred them in minutes. Some will point to numbers of men and women in Congress. Irrelevant. The numbers don’t matter. The laws they pass do. And the laws they pass benefit women much more so than men. Same with the courts. Some give lip service and in rare instances give 50-50 custody, but the truth is, most of that is done through mediators, and lawyers. If it goes to the judge, it’s often a different matter. Men are well advised to accept the best offer they can get in mediation because they rarely get as good from the judge.

          I stopped reading his post about 2/3’s because I didn’t have time. I may revisit it later. But he did make some good points about the direction we are heading, and that was completely ignored and written off as MRA angst. Sorry, that was totally unfair, and again, a feminist fall back trump card. Just label the guy an angry white man and you don’t have to address his points.

          It is patently dishonest to pull just one or two things out of somebody’s post, cherry picking, and ignoring the points you don’t want to debate. I don’t agree with everything he said, but he did have some good points. The battle of the sexes will never get batter if we aren’t willing to sit down and listen to men. Men did that for women a long time ago, which allowed us what we have today. Are the first couple of waves of feminism responsible for what we women have today? Sure, but what we have is also due to men who were reasonable and were willing to sit down with women and actually listen to their complaints. Before that, I am sure feminists were simply written off as angry spinsters. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Now it is women who write the complaints of men off as simply being MRAs or angry males. I think we should remember that many of these men didn’t grow up in the good ole days. Many of these guys grew up with just a mother, so they don’t have a problem with women in power as most want to believe.

          And one last note to the BS about Obama being elected causing this. So much BS. Explain how these same men elect black Republicans? Explain how Colin Powell was leading the race and was practically a shoe in for President when he suddenly backed out of the race in 2000. Oh how different things might be if or first black president was a Republican. It likely would have happened had he not back out. His reason? He said he didn’t want to put his wife through the nastiness of a campaign. Alluded to how the media digs up skeletons in your closet. Funny that a guy I know who many here would likely label and MRA actually campaigned for Powell, and he is quick to tell you that he thinks the power elite got to him and threatened to make some dark secrets available to the media. This guy was in the military and had a superior officer relieved of duty for ignoring an order to stay away from another officer’s wife. He said that it is not uncommon for service members, especially officers to get an order permanently placed in their record that orders them to stay away from some married woman. His theory is that it could have been something as simple as this. That Powell may have had an affair that his wife never knew about, and once officially ordered to end it, he did. But now, many years later, it was threatening to surface, and not only could that ruin his marriage but also his run for the presidency. He thinks that Powell becoming the Secretary of State was part of a deal for him to drop out of the race. Is that true? Who knows, but I do know that a lot of Republican men wanted Powell for president in 2000. So it falls on deaf ears when I hear people claim that skin color matters to Republicans. Republicans have also elected a lot of women. Many women are now Republican Governors.

        2. EmeraldDust

          JennLee said   “I read it a bit differently than you ED.
          Yes, I read his rant in it’s entirety, you admit you only read it partially.   Therefore, your commentary on my response is rather moot.   3 other women also didn’t read it in the glowing terms as you apparently did, so I think your little rant against me, is just that, a rant against me, as you did not address any of the other women who responded to his CLEARLY misogynist rant.
          You also ranted “And let’s give up and that whole patriarchy thing.”
          I did not use that term, there are other women on this blog who use that term, take up your beef with that term with THEM, and quit lumping me with other bloggers.   I don’t particularly care for the term, as it can mean just about anything.
          As your unhinged rant continued you said ”
          I stopped reading his post about 2/3’s because I didn’t have time. I may revisit it later. But he did make some good points about the direction we are heading, and that was completely ignored and written off as MRA angst. Sorry, that was totally unfair, and again, a feminist fall back trump card. Just label the guy an angry white man and you don’t have to address his points.
          It is patently dishonest to pull just one or two things out of somebody’s post, cherry picking, and ignoring the points you don’t want to debate.

          It’s pretty dishonest to read 2/3 of a post, then see that 3 or 4 women responded negatively to his women hating BS, and to single out ONE woman’s response to a post you didn’t even read in it’s entirely.
          You also complained that “And one last note to the BS about Obama being elected causing this. So much BS. Explain how these same men elect black Republicans?
          Ok, I never said anything about Obama.   That was Marageret.   Why don’t you bitch at her ? (sorry Maraget, not really trying to unleash the wrath of JennLee on you, but I am sick and tired of catching heat for what other bloggers say, instead of addressing what I actually said, not what someone else said, and not what some unhinged blogger THINKS I said, but didn’t)  
          JennLee also said “As for men wanting to control women with the purse strings. That’s malarkey. Do some men want to do that? and then some blah, blah, blah and ending with   . . .That’s a feminist fall back trump card to toss out at will. The truth is there are as many women who want to control men as there are men who want to control women. Fact.”
          And I wasn’t accusing ALL MEN of wanting to control women, I was speaking to the mansospherians such as Gratis who come to the internet to tell the world that all women are nothing but lying leeches out to strip a man of his material wealth.
          But in the good old days, while your dear old Dad was being reasonable with your Mom with money (good for him, no sarcasm, really good for him)   many men were NOT.   If women had it so great in the good old days, no one would have rebelled.   I am happy that your childhood was ONLY fiiled with idyllic memories of men treating their women with kindness and grace, (really I am)   but that was not every woman’s story.   And if a woman was unfortunate enough to be married to a man who controlled her by controlling the purse strings, she was SOL.   The law was on her hubbie’s side.   She couldn’t get a decent paying job, she couldn’t borrow money in her own name, in some states she couldn’t control her fertility without her husband’s consent.    
          I don’t label myself a “feminist” and I have stated that on this board before.   So I don’t throw out any “feminist fall back trump cards” either.   I don’t consider myself either a “feminist” or “anti-femnist”, again, it is a label that seems pretty meaningless to me.   I’d rather discuss issues on a case by case basis.
          Four other women commented on his angry anti-female rant unfavorably.   You seemed to think his angry anti-women rant was totally justified.   (even tho you did not read it in it’s entirety)  
          Yet you chose to direct your venom SOLEY at me.
          What was that you said about “It is patently dishonest to pull just one or two things out of somebody’s post, cherry picking, and ignoring the points you don’t want to debate.”

          That’s exactly what you did with my post, and you even made some stuff up about what I posted.   (example, Obama & Patriarchy, of which I NEVER said A THING, that was just you lumping me in with others)  

    2. 19.2
      Peter 51

      Marry in haste; repent at leisure is an old saying. The forms of repentance have changed, that’s all.

    3. 19.3

      Hate women much?

    4. 19.4

      Wow. I have close friends who are educated, single moms with ZERO child support who have great jobs and are educated ( no gov’t assistance). This post is insulting. I’m sorry you are being gouged in child support and/or alimony but there are many single MOMS and DADS who do it on one salary. Please find some peace in you life.

  20. 20

    I’m 5’10, and I was married to a short man who made it his mission in life to “knock me down a few notches” (his actual words to me).    A man’s height has nothing to do with his character, and just because you gave a short a guy chance, it doesn’t mean he’s going to appreciate it.

    1. 20.1
      Corey N

      What is your husband’s height?

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