Why Short Men Make Better Husbands

Why short men make better husbands
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It pains me that after 8 years of blogging, this blog post about women discriminating against short men online remains my most “popular” one yet. And yet I’m not surprised in the least. It has a whiff of science (an experiment where we raised a man’s height on Match and watched his responses balloon), a controversial take (give short guys a chance), and an outraged readership (short men and Asian men who falsely thought I was insulting them, women who insist that it’s impossible to be attracted to short men). Hell, thinking about it, I should probably write more blog posts based on that formula.

We all know that short men have, for lack of a better term, drawn the short stick when it comes to women and attraction.

Nonetheless, this New Republic article provides fodder for discussion on the topic of short men. It suggests, that like  Avis rental cars, if you’re #2, you work harder.

Now, we all know that short men have, for lack of a better term, drawn the short stick when it comes to women and attraction. “A pair of sociologists found that 48.9 percent of women restricted their online dating searches to men who were taller than them. (Men were less picky: Just 13.5 percent wouldn’t consider a taller woman.)”

This isn’t news. All you need is a set of eyes and ears to see how tall guys are preferred by women. The interesting thing, of course, is that there is no inherent value to dating a taller man. He doesn’t need to protect you from falling objects. He doesn’t need to physically fight bad guys. It’s really a more primal and shallow feeling: “I can’t help what I’m attracted to” or “I want my kids to be tall” or “I want to feel feminine”. That last one is the real kicker, and it’s what I want to take a second to explore.

Femininity is not about his size relative to yours, but about security. How he makes you FEEL. Thus, you’re not attracted to a man purely because he’s tall; you’re attracted to him because he makes you feel feminine. So find other qualities about a man that will make you feel feminine to satisfy this need.

You’re not attracted to him because he’s rich, you’re attracted to him because he represents a stable future and the promise of not having to worry about money.

You’re not attracted to him because he’s a “bad boy,” you’re attracted to him having a spine, an opinion, and being able to stand up for himself.

Once you realize that height is a primal substitute for those feelings, you can expand your search to included shorter men. And you’ll be glad you did. Since short men are largely overlooked in the dating pool, those who get married make for giving and loyal partners.

Femininity is not about his size relative to yours, but about security. How he makes you FEEL. So find other qualities about a man that will make you feel feminine to satisfy this need.

“Divorce rates for tall and average men were basically indistinguishable, but 32 percent lower for short men. Weitzman explains this by saying that women who are “resistant” to marrying short men are more likely to “opt out” before it gets to the point of marriage: “There’s something distinct about the women who marry short men.”

“Or maybe it’s just that short men make better partners. They do a greater share of housework: On average, they perform 8 hours and 28 minutes per week of houseworkconstituting about 28 percent of the totalcompared to 7 hours 38 minutes for average men and 7 hours 30 minutes for tall men. And they’re more likely to be the breadwinners: Conley and Weitzman estimate that 78 percent of short men out-earn their partners, compared to 69 percent of average men and 71 percent of tall men. Although other research has suggested that taller men earn moreperhaps because of employers’ biasesthey didn’t find evidence of income disparity among the different height groups. Tall men may be, in Weitzman’s words, “aware of the status that is conferred by their tallness”which might make them less motivated to pitch in at home.”

If you’ve been reading for awhile, you’re already well aware that the best husbands aren’t the tallest or richest, but rather, the ones who are sensitive to your emotional cues, and help out with the housework and childrearing. In other words, the ones who are loyal, giving, and work extra hard to ensure your happiness.

So, please, consider the virtues of shorter guys. Not for their sake, but for yours.

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Comments:

  1. 41
    Observer

    Of course a lot of observations in this blog that highlight the adage that there are all kinds of opinions out in the world about what attracts the sexes to each other.   I pity most of the commentators in this blog because their comments regarding past relationships and anticipated future relationships are so superficial.   So it is no surprise that so many of them writing on this blog are ex-marrieds whose global pronouncements about marriage, as it presently exists on this planet, are based exclusively upon their own failures, or are never-marrieds because i) they want to be perpetually free, or ii) their expectations (or as they call it, their “checklist”) are applicable to only a non-Earth based entity!   The only wisdom that I can offer to them is that they will “grow up” and that they will “grow old”, and by the time that they reach those two achievements it will likely be too late for a satisfactory marriage and biological children.

    As I have stated in older posts, I remain satisfactorily and excitedly married to the same woman for over 30 years; and I am considered quite “short” at 5 feet 5 inches height.   And my wife is three inches taller than me.   And, I do not have a scrawny torso (having lifted weights rigorously for over 50 years), the tape around my shoulders is still 54 inches.   And, my sexual performance with my wife, for over 31 years, has been sufficient to produce 3 children (when I was in my forties and she was in her late thirties) each of whom is now a “young” professional in the fields of finance, civil engineering, and immunology!

    The amusing point is that my wife admits that she was desperate when she met me for the first time and her circumstances then led her to “adjust” her standards.   The “results”, thirty one years later, are everything she dreamed of, she admits now!   So, to the superficial ladies on this blog, “packaging isn’t everything”; rather, you should always examine the object (of your desires in this case) in great depth and detail.   If you do not you may miss a “diamond in the rough”.

  2. 42
    Ildergreier

    Would you Evan, ever say to a man that a ugly fat woman will be a better wife?

      1. 42.1.1
        rawr

        there have been studies suggesting that the more attractive a man’s partner in relation to him, the greater degree of empathy and investment he has towards her. the reverse was also true in that he was more aloof and argumentative towards a woman perceived as less attractive than him.
          
        i’m a 5’5 man and personally height doesn’t bother me. it does bother me on the other hand how the women who have displayed an interest in me are punching way above their weight class. people always react angrily to this but you kinda need something to draw me in, anything. physical attractiveness is super easy to improve as a woman, just jog 20 min a day, hit some light weights 2-3 times a week, 6 months of just that and a healthy diet is an instant 7 on the attraction scale AT LEAST. i’m in great shape, health and fitness is my passion as well as profession. it’s mildly insulting that women who are 3s and 4s in terms of attractiveness and personality are trying to get together with me because despite wanting someone like me but taller they know it’ll never happen. these less than attractive women are the way they are because they do shit like watch netflix every single day rather than actually having hobbies, and i refuse to settle just because society deems me as lesser because of my genetic heritage.
          
        i dunno evan, for lack of better words:this some big ol bullshit. the more men like me are disappointed over time, the less happy families are going to develop. if it’s not height it’s something else, earning potential is something huge for women too. i’m not particularly ambitious i love what i do regardless of if it makes me 6 figures or not, but i am heading in a good direction in life, and as my successes pile up l i won’t be able to really share it with a woman because i don’t want her to look at my bank account, i want her to look at me. I’d love nothing more than to splurge on the woman i love because what better way to live life than generously, but on the other hand i’ve seen other men experience the fallout of living openly and generously and i don’t want that to happen to me.
          
        by the time women start to wake up and realize how unimportant most of their checklist is, us men seem like we’re just moving on to more fruitful, more productive activities. i feel like you probably don’t have nice things to say to guys who think and feel the way i do, which is the norm so it’s fine if that’s the case, but you can’t honestly expect us to just lie down and gratefully accept whatever scraps we’re given. we are men, not dogs.

    1. 42.2
      Karmic Equation

      Ildergreier,
        
      Would you marry a fat, ugly man? You wouldn’t whether or not there’s a study. What’s the purpose for such a nonsense question?
        
      If you are a fat ugly woman, then hit the gym and go to a nutritionist to lose the fat. Learn to apply makeup better and/or get plastic surgery. Whichever you feel you can tolerate better. Learn to dress better.
        
      I think it’s only fair if a woman wants a good looking fit man, whether short or tall, that she herself is as fit and attractive as the kind of man she wants to date.
        
      What I think is illogical is that most women want somewhat fit men when she herself is overweight herself. She wants a good looking guy, when she herself is not good looking. Also illogical is looking for qualities in a man that have nothing to do with his ability to be a good partner. She wants him to have a degree. How does a degree make a man more capable of loving her than a non-degreed man can? She wants him to make at least as much money as she does. And this makes a man more capable of loving her how?
        
      In the end, what most women want is a man who adores her, without him being a stalker, hahaha. That man comes in all shapes and sizes. Just choose the one that you’re most attracted to, wihose flaws you can live with. Not dismiss all of them out of hand because your checklist hasn’t been met.
        
      All men are flawed. All women are flawed. We just need to find the ones to whom our flaws are not deal breakers, or better yet, to whom our flaws are cute or are easily overlooked. Or even better than that, let’s try to overcome the flaws that we can. Then we have more people to choose from.

  3. 43
    KD

    I’m 5’1″. Meaning that 98% of men in the world are taller than me. Height has never even been an issue I’ve even thought about. I don’t understand why more short men who feel discriminated against because of their height pursue short women (there are certainly enough of us). But short men have rarely ever approached me. One memorable exception was a guy I dated in college who was 5’4″. We were friends for years and let me tell you he NEVER had problems getting attractive women of any height. Which leads me to my point. Sometimes it’s just about attitude not altitude.

    1. 43.1
      rawr

      because at 5’5, men of my height weight 120-130 lbs on average. at 5’1 women weight 140+ on average, when they should weigh at most maybe 110-115 and even that is pushing it. most women are overweight, many can be considered obese. this isn’t discrimination when you refuse to date this, it’s not being attracted to a lack of character strength. having a toxic lifestyle consisting of netflix and takeout foot is not only unhealthy, it also makes you unattractive not just on the outside but on the inside(they kinda go hand in hand). truth is, short girls who are at least somewhat in shape have their pick of men, and naturally they’re going to choose the “best” they can get. women of any height, if they are in shape, are going to be able to choose from a very wide pool of men, meaning the shorter men are going to be invisible to them.
        
      your friend sounds like a natural player, good for him. fact of the matter is though that most men aren’t like that nor do they want to become like that, and men like that are generally rare exceptions no matter what height they are.
        
      men keep talking about this but women keep not listening, you being no exception.

      1. 43.1.1
        Ally

        Here’s a girl telling you she doesn’t care about height and will date short guy  and you come back  with a slew of insults about fat girls  and, oh I don’t know, are insinutating that she must be fat or else why should she be ok dating  a short guy? Then you tell  her she’s not listening.

        I see that angry short man syndrome is real.

  4. 44
    Debra

    It is important to be open, but I do not agree with this one. Short men are always angry and ready to start fights. I tried dating a 5’2 guy for a year and he only got more angry and his low self-esteem came out more. There is something behind short man’s syndrome.  

    1. 44.1
      Henriette

      So…. you’re basing your opinion of all short men on a sample size of ONE?!     If we say that 50% of men are around average height, 25% are tall and 25% are short, that means that there are almost 40 million short men in the US.   You’re suggesting that all, or even the majority, are enraged because of their diminutive stature?!
        
      Please.   Ugly prejudices have no place in civilized discourse.    *Some* short men are always angry and ready to start fights.   I am quite sure that most are not.
        

  5. 45
    Lin

    yes it is BS. I have had dates with short men AND very tall man also. When a man is a douchebag it does not matter how tall nor how handsome/ungly he is, he just is a douchebag period!
    I also do not agree that men don’t lie, Oh yes they do, they keep alot of information to ge what they want, even when you ask they will not say…

  6. 46
    Cptwil

    This is really getting on my nerves. The women that comment just don’t get it. It is not about a woman dating a man shorter than her. It is about women of all height ranges, rejecting all men that are short. From what I see the biggest group of women that have a problem with short men are real short women. Example women who are 4ft 10in to 5ft 2in saying men that are 5ft 8in are too short for them. That’s what annoys them. That’s why you see short men dating taller women, most short women want nothing to do with them. So it doesn’t matter how short the woman is, the man has to still be close to 6 foot regardless and preferably a man taller than that if they can find one that is willing to settle down. .

    1. 46.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Except for the fact that what you wrote is not remotely true. 14% of men are 6 feet tall. 90% of people get married. Seems to me that lots of people are marrying men under six feet tall.

  7. 47
    Jayar

    Great article. I agree that short men can be great partners and should have a shot at a long term relationship. The down side, though, is that we still have to get through that initial “attraction” phase, and that’s the part that we have the most trouble with. Once we get past that brick wall, we’re home free! Lol

  8. 48
    Sally Ranger

    Hello!

    I am 5″9 and I have an aversion to shorter men. I am happy to date a chubby guy, that looks goofy, or bald with a beard whatever donttt care but there is something really hard to overcome about leaning down to kiss your boyfriend. Making people feel guilty or “shallow” for physical attraction doesn’t make sense, you literally cant change what your body is turned on by? Like height isn’t a choice, what your body finds attractive isn’t chosen. I dont think it’s necessarily better for women to force themselves out of their comfort zone and end up in situations where they physically unfulfilled (not fair to the girl or guy). I would never want to date someone that had to “overcome” one of my physical qualities. The average height for women is 5″6, meaning a guy who is 5-8 or 5-9 is a few inches taller than them! I am literally the tallest women in MOST places where I go out in public and I’m not freakishly tall. So my idea is, why don’t we aim this argument toward the short women (the majority) so they make more of a effort to date guys who are 1-2-3 inches taller than them, so the “dating pool” of 6ft+ guys will be more available to TALL women! dating pool issues solved! i did it

  9. 49
    Blondie99

    That’s great and all that they make good partners, but a good partner for me could never be someone that I am not attracted to, that just would not work.      I have tried and tried to date short men, over and over again and I feel no attraction. Just like men that prefer a certain body type no different.   Nothing wrong with it. But guys please be honest online about   your height.       We don’t need to waste either of our times.

  10. 51
    The Truth Though

    Being a short man is the same as being an ugly woman. How many ugly women are you willing to date? Yep. Exactly. It cuts both ways. If you refuse to date women due to how their face looks, don’t call it unfair when women won’t date you because of your height. All men refuse to date ugly women no matter how kind, smart or interesting they are. This is the direct equivalent.

  11. 52
    Maud

    Why is there always a super tall, lanky woman next to those ‘short men’ in the pictures of these sorts of articles. If you’re a short man who’s kissing aspecially all TALL women’s asses (those who are even taller than the average for women), than all you’re doing is obsessing as much over height as much as some others do. That’s not my definition of a strong, confident guy.

  12. 53
    Chris Rodriguez

    Probobly most women and most people don’t think short men are very masculine and not  the majority of women although definetly some think they make ideal husbands or boyfriends this mostly just because I think women want a taller man more only to feel more protected however many if not most women find a small man especially if he has a face they find cute or handsome to be a cute person and a cute man. They generally usually think they look juvenile and childlike which reminds them of young boys.Therefore they often consider them to make excellent friends because they very strongly appeal to their hearts  affectionately   although not exactly their ideal when it comes to a husband or boyfriend.I like  many tall and fat women (although not too large) many of them make great wives and girlfriends.On the other hand even though a short or small man is not very masculinely   rugged or tough looking to most people unlike large tall or fat women he not scene very much or very little as a hidieous   freak as many tall females are – To many people tall women although strongly impressive appearing remind them of a cross between Frankenstein,a neandrthal woman  from the stone age,and a mad scientist laboratory’s  genetic engineering disaster!Tall may be great to a female in some ways but it’s not feminine at all and it’s is not everything.Size is very important and we no matter what  our size may be we should be proud of  what we are as well as who we are.At the start of adolecance   girls on average are taller than boys.Girls and women take their feminietiy very seriously when a girl is taller than most boys that are her own age it often makes her feel like she unfeminine or very less feminine.If our world did not have such a rigid belief that females should be shorter than male this tempararey state would be less uncomfortable for the girls. – I am a man who is just  slightly taller than the average American man I stand 5′ 10”.

  13. 54
    mikel

    It’s true most women are more attracted to tall guys . But come to think of it, most guys that are short today gets their short genes passed to them from their short mum’s. since most tall guys end up getting married to very short women, hence they passed this short genes accross to their sons. Now in turn the same women who are looking for taller guys to date them are themselves relatively short , what make you think that if I am a 6ft tall man I will want to settle for a short woman knowing fully well the implications, that it may result to me producing a short son as a result of my short wife’s gene. What I am saying in essence is that guys should stay away from getting married to short women, since they are the ones who transmit this short genes to our sons and later they will still be the same set of people to start discriminating against them. As for me I can never marry a short girl because I don’t want my sons to carry their short genes, and later appear short and get discriminated against . I wish every guy can think like me , its the only way to put an end to this height discrimination thing ones and for all.

    1. 54.1
      Tom10

       
      @ mikel #54
       
      “As for me I can never marry a short girl because I don’t want my sons to carry their short genes, and later appear short and get discriminated against . I wish every guy can “think like me , its the only way to put an end to this height discrimination thing ones and for all”
       
        
       
      So, mikel, the way to put an end to this height discrimination thing is to discriminate against short women? Lol.
       
        
       
      Are you really 6ft? Methinks thou doth protest too much…
       

      1. 54.1.1
        SQ

        Short girls are better in bed.

        -signed, a short girl

        Ok seriously I didn’t respond the first time because it’s not worth it. Mike TO has a poor understanding of human genetics. Or he’s pulling your leg.

         

      2. 54.1.2
        mikel

        @ tom am 6ft 2 for d records, bt can’t take the risk of marrying a short girl cos I am scared my sons could take their short genes as is the case with most short guys – do your research well and confirm for your self. most guys that are short today get their short genes from their sole called short mums..

  14. 55
    mikel

    @SQ lets assume you so called short girls are actually better in bed, but the fact is that short girls are not preferred in making babies since one can never tell what the outcome would be. just as guys don’t like making babies with ugly women for fear that their children may be ugly is the same reason Some wise men like me do not like making babies with short girls for fear that our sons could inherit their short genes. So what am I saying in essence, the fact is that what most women is indirectly telling us guys is that , we should beware of them(the short girls) when it comes to making babies since that could result in producing short guys in return- simple… judge me which ever way you pls but that remains the fact. Only a man who does not mean well for his unborn son will condescend to the level of making babies with a short girl knowing fully well the future consequences of their action… I am a visionary by nature and I always think ahead before I make any move especially when it comes to who to settle down with.
    yes I hv dated short girls before in the past, and I am still going to date more if need be in the future but I will not want to settle down with any of such girls… when I am ready to settle down it has to be with a tall girl at least 5ft10 and above so that all my kids (sons) will be tall and well endowed enough to attract other tall and beautiful girls in the future, and not inherit some short genes from some so called short girls who are only good in bed and nothing more. lol,

    1. 55.1
      Karmic Equation

      Tall genes are recessive, so two tall people will definitely make tall babies. However a short person could have one tall gene and one short gene, so having a tall partner gives them a 3/4 chance of having a tall baby. But if the short person has two short genes, the baby will be short no matter what.

      That said, given the proclivity of short woman-tall men partnerings, most women probably have one tall/one short gene.

      So mikel is right that partnering with a short woman increases his chance of making short babies, which he can definitely avoid by marrying a tall woman.

  15. 56
    MissNova

    I hear what you’re saying Evan but eehhh, nope. That’s all well and good for women who are average height but I am about average height (5’8)  and for that reason and personal preference, I would rather date someone who is taller than me. I know, that limits the amount of men that I have to pick from, but I don’t care. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have dated shorter men a few times, just to be open, but I couldn’t get past how uncomfortable it made me feel. Plus, once I slapped a pair of heels on, it was worse. I can’t be bothered. 6’0 and over please.

     

    Evan, don’t judge me. Thanks 🙂

    1. 56.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      No one’s judging you. I’m only pointing out that you’re relegated yourself to 14% of the male population – BEFORE considering things like weight, age, education, income, humor, communication skills, the ability to compromise, similar goals and values, the desire to commit for marriage and HIS belief that YOU are worth committing to. Sounds like you’re down to .000001% of the population. Good luck.

  16. 57
    Wyatt

    It is true that   height and weight are not equivalent in that weight can be changed while height cannot, and thus equating women’s preference for height and men’s preference for low weight is somehow unfair. I imagine it is.

    But so what? This is a dating advice site. It’s not about changing the world or making things fair for shorter men. Women are looking for a partner and happiness, not to make everything right with the world at large.

    So arguing that female “heightism”   is unfair to short men won’t really accomplish anything here. Evan’s angle, that excessive height requirements may be limiting a given woman’s chances at happiness, is the only angle that really matters here. And when you view things from that perspective–from the perspective of one person trying to find a partner that completes them and makes them happy–then equating a woman’s height preference to a man’s preference for whatever makes perfect sense.

    What is really needed here is kindness and empathy, not more gender wars. Mating and attraction are innately and horribly unfair and unkind. We all–men and women alike, even if the particulars are different–have hangups that can be considered shallow and limit our chances of finding good partners if we can’t overcome them. And yet pretending that we have overcome our shallower hangups when we haven’t can be even more dangerous and limiting than honestly owning up to them when we simply can’t shake them.

    We should all try as best we can to overcome our more shallow impulses, and encourage our friends to do the same. But we also need to have compassion and understanding for the basic human condition–it can be really hard sometimes to be sexually attracted to what is best for us. Again, men and women alike.

    Still, I do find one trend a bit sad. I realize that for a long time many women were essentially coerced by society into not being able to admit they had certain physical attraction requirements that they couldn’t get past, and yet weren’t being met. It was unfair that women probably had a lot more attractionless relationships that men did, and were made to feel a lot more guilty and ashamed for having their own physical attraction requirements that they couldn’t get past than men did. That wasn’t fair. On the other hand, I truly feel that for whatever reason–probably in part biological–women were on the whole at least a bit, if not a lot, more capable than men of legitimately getting past a lot more of the shallower, physical attraction stuff. This was not male privilege, but rather male weakness. It was an area where women were superior. But today, with everyone being bombarded by so   much youth and beauty visual stimulus, any kind of biological female advantage here seems to be being buried under the avalanche   of hot bodies and faces, male and female, that we are all exposed to every day on TV, the Internet, and in Movies–to say nothing of magazines, billboards, and more. We’re all sinking to the lowest common denominator. And while I suppose everyone and each gender has an “equal right” to this kind of behavior, rights talk doesn’t make much sense when we are basically saying we all have an equal right to making ourselves unhappy.

     

  17. 58
    dinky

    The main issue is trust.   Also the misconception by men that all women are mature, (an idea based purely on physical develpoment) and men are insensitive, ( an idea fostered by the idea women are more caring).

    Personaly, I like women , that I like , that like me, its really not that complicated.

  18. 59
    Chantal

    My man is 5’4 and I’m 5’9. He’s the shortest I have dated. I’m used to men being the same height, around 5’10-6′ or a little shorter like 5’8. I was a little uneasy at first especially out in public but now I dont even notice the difference. I think he’s the sexiest man ever when I’m with him.

  19. 60
    Diana

    I’m a 5’9″ woman. Most of the men I meet are my height or shorter. When I was younger (I’m 49 now) I only wanted men who were taller than me, to ‘feel more feminine.’ How stupid that sounds now! I am feminine, and your height has nothing to do with it. Currently I find myself attracted to a man who is shorter and over weight ( he is married so no-go). Weight was also a problem for me because I was in the Army and had to be physically fit, so I felt that if I could do it so should the men. Bull shit. Good men come in all kinds of packaging and at this point in my life, with all I’ve been through, I can’t dismiss someone for physical attributes. I care much more about what you carry in your heart than on your waistline, or how tall you are.

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