How Low Will Some Guys Go for Sex?


Here’s the (not-so) funny thing about online dating:

The majority of men using it really do want to fall in love and get married. An old Match poll set the number at 75% and I don’t doubt it for a second. You just would have a hard time telling when it comes to men’s online behavior.

This article about a man who poses as a woman on OkCupid and sets up a fake profile is laugh out loud funny – and scary. He posts a pretty picture and then writes a profile and emails that are stupid, vacuous, insulting and racist. And yet, guys still keep coming back for more.

Such is the power of sexuality.

Women might take this as proof positive that online dating is horrible, that men are fatally flawed, etc.

What I want you to take away is more valuable: remember all those times that I said that men look for sex and find love? I meant it. Normal relationship oriented men are willing to put up with a woman’s stupidity, simply because they want to have sex. They have no intention of marrying her – they just want to have a good time until they find the woman they DO want to marry.

And while I’ve never personally written to someone who was overtly racist, I do recall a correspondence on Friendster in 2003 with a woman who was so ridiculously hot that I overlooked her functionally illiterate emails. We hooked up a few times and that was that. It didn’t make me a bad person. It made me a guy. So please, don’t forget that, when you read how much these men chose to ignore in the pursuit of sex…

It’s embarrassing, and yet somewhat predictable.

Read the article here and share your thoughts below…

Join our conversation (44 Comments).
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  1. 21

    I think this underscores the point that Evan has been trying to bring across many, many times: guys love, want and need sex – first and foremost. and the younger they are, the more sex is a priority for them. They are sexual creatures. We, women (at least, the majority of us, I think) consider sex to be a cherry on the top of a great relationship.  
    while we can laugh and be horrified by what these men would do to get laid, the fact still stays: GUYS. WANT. SEX. And it never goes away. Trying to change this reality by moralizing, criticizing, complaining etc. is about as pointless as trying to make Alaska into Hawaii.   The longer we, women, try to project our own thinking onto men, the more frustrated/disappointed we stay.

  2. 23

    Agreed, GUYS. WANT. SEX.   First and foremost.   Not just the younger guys, even the over 40 and 50 crowd.   But sometimes they only want it once, or for a few weeks, or the popular favorite:   three months.   Sometimes they find great sex with a really together woman who is intelligent, attractive, who has her life together.   Someone they have a lot in common with, who could be a really great partner.   But that would mean giving up ALL the other possible hot, sex partners out there, like the ones on OKCupid.
    In today’s cornucopia of choice and the ostensibly ready availability of hot, young, nubile women (including fantasy women on free internet porn sites)… there is…hmm… always_the_possibility of someone younger, prettier, with bigger breasts, longer legs,   shinier, longer hair, heck, maybe she has a PhD but she’s a downright whore in the bedroom.  
    GUY (let’s say, divorced, in his late 40s):   I mean, this woman I”m dating is pretty great….but…she’s only two years younger than me.   And she’s kind of short.   Sometimes she just takes too long to get ready and has trouble making decisions.   But I like her…a lot.   Then again, her breasts aren’t quite as round or firm as I like, and I think I spotted a couple of gray hairs.   And she actually still has some pubic hair.   Maybe there’s a better, younger woman with an unlined face, softer skin, flat stomach with hard abs but nice big perfectly shaped breasts who is also an accomplished yogini, with um…preferably no pubic hair.   (It would be cool if maybe she had all of her hair removed permanently by laser so I won’t have to deal with that.)   A tattoo would be pretty exciting, maybe she has a tramp stamp.   THAT would be hot.   Hey…maybe she even has a trust fund.   That would be cool.   This girl I’m dating doesn’t have a trust fund.   She would never get a tattoo.   She’s really cool, and a great girl but….
    Why settle for just ONE really great woman (like the one I’m dating) with so many POSSIBILITIES of other sex partners at my fingertips?   Yeah, even though the sex with this girl I’m dating is pretty good, and we do have fun together, and even a lot to talk about….I can’t give up the possibility of someone much younger, and much hotter.   My buddies would be so jealous if I could land a babe like that.   Yeah, I have to get out of this relationship.     Even though we do have good and regular sex, I am pretty sure I can do better.   i saw this super hot chick in her late 20’s on OKCupid…
    GUY. WANTS. SEX.   GUY. GETS. SEX.   GUY. STARTS. TO   freak out.  
    GUY. DUMPS. (imperfect) GIRL he has having (pretty great) sex with.  
    GUY. WANTS. SEX.   GUY goes on OKCUPID to try to find SEX.  

  3. 24

    One of my friends summed it up very nicely the other day. Men are idiots.

  4. 25

    @Susan61 #23……..LOL Bravo!! Very well written and sadly damn close to the truth except at 52 yrs old  I would kill just to actually SEE some pubic hair again almost to the point of asking  my current lady  to please forego that shaved 5 O’clock shadow stubble thing she’s got going on and just be “natural”.

    Here’s one part about SOME men that you’re not quite understanding Susan. It’s not about finding a woman who’s more perfect (although for some that might be) some men just always want someone “new & different” because that “newness” is what turns them on sexually. The next woman might even be less perfect and less attractive than the current but she is DIFFERENT which turns them on. Obviously it’s not psychologically text book healthy but that’s the way some men are wired. And yes even those guys when they meet the right woman CAN commit and get their hearts broken.

    And Jenna #20 thanks for having a little sympathy for “the majority of men” who don’t have it “going on”. Most people don’t understand that a very large percentage of men on online dating sites never even get a response let alone meet anyone. These are the men that are responding to these fake ridiculous profiles.

  5. 26

    Interesting article! Men do look for sex and will overlook a woman’s profile (red flags and all) if she’s hot. I have found that some older men, out of loneliness, will end of marrying the wrong woman because they are looking for sex….find great sex with a hot, but manipulative woman…and once the honeymoon phase is over, they end up being used and made a fool of.

  6. 27

    This article made me laugh out loud … lol…
    It’s a pretty informal experiment to be drawing conclusions from, but it doesn’t surprise me that a profile with a picture of a girl men mostly find attractive gets a lot of responses. I suspect the conversations featured were the more hilarious ones. But plenty of people are drawn to going online because they like that type of interaction – chatting, emailing back and forth – and given that there is a very low investment in chatting with someone, it doesn’t surprise me that many did.
    I agree with the poster who said that having a smile on your face and responding in a decent way to people goes a long way. It’s a big part of what I want in a guy .. though hopefully not one whose mom drives him because he lost his license after “hitting a man lmao”.

  7. 28

    (Sorry, that’s not very clear – I suspect that the conversations in the article may not have been the norm that happened each time someone emailed. I do think some guys would have given up after the arm refitting stuff or whatever…and then again, I kept reading because it was hilarious!)

  8. 29

    Susan – sure, low quality men do that. Not high quality men that have their shit together.

  9. 30

    I guess I was in a mood, Jenna…   🙂   Actually I was speaking from my own experience.   When I was 46 I met a “high quality” man who is very boyishly handsome and in excellent physical shape at 48.   As you can probably surmise, it did not work out (he dumped me).   For the record, I’m in pretty good shape myself.   He is now 53…and single, and chasing after a woman 20 years his junior.     I still see him professionally through a shared avocation.   I think this was pretty much his line of thinking and according to JB #25, it was “sadly damn close to the truth”.

  10. 31

    Ouch…..I hate blog entries and articles that make me lose faith in men.
    Karl S @11, please take heart, we women get rejected left and right also. Virtually none of the men I initiate contact with online ever write me back, not even a courtesy email just to say thanks and to let me know I’m not a match for them. I think it just comes with the territory. Online dating allows for a certain amount of rudeness I guess. If these same guys (or women in your case) met you/me out in the real world, things would play out differently with many of them. Best of luck to you.

  11. 32

    Susan 61 #23,

    How is all that much different than what women do?   Maybe there’s a a taller, wealthier, more in shape, thicker head of hair, kinder, more compassionate, more willing to listen to me complain about my co-worker’s, who will like my family guy out there.

    Unless the couple has a strong enough connection, people will always have “upgrade” in the back of their mind.   It’s human nature…not just guy nature.

    1. 32.1

      Lol too true. What fools we mortals are. :p However, it’s not difficult to forge a ‘strong connection’ which overcomes those ‘trade-up’ desires. I’ve actually met a lot of guys who felt a strong connection to me, problem is it usually wasn’t mutual. I’ve only met 2 guys in my life who we had a mutual strong connection with, unfortunately I was too young to treasure that. Next time it happens, I’ll try to treasure it.

  12. 33

    Sadly most  women wouldn’t know a high  quality  man if he came up and bit her on the ass.  

    She’s too busy focusing in height, money and whether or not he’s a successful businessman alpha type.

    Who we ALL know ARE the BEST men 😀 right?   Everyone happy with their alpha super successful tall  entrepreneurial  types. Hmmm….it doesn’t sound like it.

    I’ve been turned down by so many women online it’s not funny. And these are women who are actually LESS attractive then I have been out with in the past. WTF.

    Oh and yes I AM high quality,   problem is people’s attention span these days is about 5 seconds and ya can’t make any kind of assessment in 5 sec.   soo…..I guess there’s no good men out there anymore…or women for that matter….Peace!!!!

  13. 34

    Thanks for sharing this COMPLETELY hilarious article!   I was laughing to the point of tears.
    I think the only conclusion that could be drawn is that some men thought they might be able to have some fun with this woman — either because she was apparently very stupid or very fake.   “lmao”   😉

  14. 35
    Karl S

    Speaking of fake profiles, I just found one on Okcupid that’s posing as a Myer store mannequin! It’s quite amusing really.
    My self-summary

    I’m a model for Myer
    34″ 25″ 35″
    I’m kinda quiet, but most guys don’t mind
    I can be a bit cold, until you warm me up
    I always look good and dress the part, regardless of the season or occasion.

    What I’m doing with my life

    Modelling, looking good, staying thin.

    I’m really good at

    Not eating anything.

    The first things people usually notice about me

    My clothes, my stare.

  15. 36

    I suggest that most of these men were simply dumbfounded and didn’t know whether ‘she’ was just messing with them. Some of those replies are so outrageous that maybe they were giving her the benefit of the doubt that she was trying to be funny. We don’t actually see the entire conversations just the cherry picked parts that make the men look bad before they got fed up and moved on.
    On that site most women have their IMs turned off and I suspect that creates a bit more of a willingness to roll with it when someone finds a member that both has IM on and responds.  
    There is a comment above about guys getting resentful about not being able to be themselves while there are lots of comments berating these men for being desperate and lonely: themselves. A whole thread about how to avoid players yet this comment section laughing at guys who are bad players. ***sigh***

  16. 37

    @Mark 33: It goes both ways, honestly it does. I did the online dating thing off and on over the last five years or so and have gotten the same deal you have. I bet most of us have. I feel I’m a decent catch (attractive, educated, financially independent, appropriate height/weight ratio, yada yada), but faced rejection out the wazoo because the guys I was in contact with were always looking for (or already in touch with) women  who were thinner, prettier, younger, etc. My deal-breakers include: no murderers, no abusive alcoholics, and no animal torturers. That’s really about it. I don’t care if a guy is shorter, has hair, makes less money, or has less education, as long as he’s good to me (and I don’t mean by buying me jewelry or taking me on exotic trips). I just want a guy who…well…who wants me and SHOWS it. I have been dumped by a guy because I used the same shampoo as his ex-girlfriend. Another one had a problem with the fact that I liked to work out in the evenings whereas he was a morning person. Seriously? These are deal-breakers? So don’t get too PO’ed when the women you approach don’t recognize you for the awesome guy you are.   You just have to keep slogging through the masses until the right one comes along and it clicks. There ARE women out there who will appreciate you for what you have to offer, no matter what that is.

    Back to this article, it doesn’t surprise me that guys were all over this fake profile.  She’s hot, and there are enough men who are just looking for sex that the lack of intelligence is a complete non-issue for them. I’m sure there are plenty of women would do the same if a guy looked like Clooney and claimed to have money. We’re living in a pretty selfish society today, but that’s what  makes the prize of finding the right match so much more wonderful when it DOES happen.

  17. 38
    Karmic Equation

    This was hilarious!
    A lot of men equate dumb with easy, so they were probably hoping to get some action.

  18. 39

    [email protected]: If a man came up and bit me on the ass I would not consider him high quality. I might think he was a dog. And an idiot.

  19. 40
    Keri C

    This was amazingly funny but yet very disturbing.

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