Why Women Should Make Men Wait For Sex

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If you’ve ever wondered why it seems that men are okay with no-strings-attached sex while women tend to suffer with this arrangement, watch this video closely.

It affirms everything that I’ve ever written about sex and gender in a very logical, concrete manner. In short, women teach men how to treat them. And if, due to equality, birth-control, libido, societal acceptance, and insecurity, many women are willing to have sex with men who don’t call, pay, commit, or make an effort, then those women are essentially teaching men that they do not have to behave well to procure sex.

You want to find out if a man is serious about you? Wait to have sex with him.

My advice is not to tell men that they shouldn’t sleep with women; it’s to tell women that you must have men make a greater investment in you as individuals before having sex.

This is why I created the 2/2/2 rule to screen men through the online dating process.
This is why I say you should wait 5-6 weeks before he’s your boyfriend.
This is why I tell you not to have sex outside of commitment.

You want to find out if a man is serious about you? Wait to have sex with him. If you don’t – because you’re a liberated woman who can have sex whenever you damn well please – don’t be too surprised if a decent percentage of those men never call again. Again, I’m not remotely judgmental of those who have sex without commitment; I will only point out as a dating coach that it tends to lead to sub-optimal results from men because they didn’t have to do anything special to get into bed with you.

Note: there will be no comments about slut-shaming, since no one is shaming anyone, nor calling anyone a slut. Nor will there be comments about how you slept with your boyfriend on the first date and he became your husband. The many exceptions don’t disprove the rule that giving men sex without demanding better treatment is not the best idea.

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Comments:

  1. 81
    roux

    I have experienced waiting to have sex or becoming intimate and it truly depends if guy is truly into you.Sex and having sex is very interesting especially if you become familiar with someone. I’ve just committed the most interested sexual encounter that probably will never happen again.The vibe was just right.I went to visit a guy I met which is rare because usually I prefer them to meet me if only dating. I am coming out of a 5yr situation   and seeking dating. But this situation was not planned but like I said the vibe was right.We had sex before I left and I didn’t feel like it was wrong. Now I met himwrong we since had sex twice in the week I met him and now he don’t seem interested. ??? Idk I just don’t want seem desperate but if nothing comes out of it the sex was good…

  2. 82
    jose

    One guy I know has been going out with this girl for almost 4 years and they havent had sex. He does anything for her and she still has him waiting. Idk how he waited so long. I could wait but 4 years is too too much.  

    1. 82.1
      JennLee

      4 years? What is he waiting for? Why hasn’t he married her yet? Sounds very strange.

  3. 83
    Tim

    Being an attractive and highly educated male this is unfortunately incorrect. It isn’t the pill at all, it is the wide availability of porn. I first looked at porn like most other men before puberty, my sex drive was based on porn from the beginning. If a woman refuses sex I just drop her number and go look at porn while in the process looking for another short term mate. As sad as that sounds the laws in the country do not favor men in marriage, and it is no longer socially hip to be a married man so why do any of it. If women refused sex with me for the rest of my life no biggie I’d be fine with porn while working my ass off and maybe eventually adopt. The world no longer needs kids.

  4. 84
    Jennifer

    I feel women should make men wait. Because it seems like once they are married the man wants another woman. Everything is fine in the relationship until they get married. Look at all the divorce in this world. I have been married twice. Both times the men left me for other women. They showed me love at first, but once we got married they threw me in the trash and found other women.

  5. 85
    Lynn

    What a load of rubbish this whole thing is. If I want to sleep with a man on the first date then I will. I have and I was married to him for 10 years!!! Fact is women can feel every but of lust for a man as he can for you. I’m 44 years of age so I’m afraid if a man thinks I’ve been too easy to get then frankly he can take a walk – I’m not interested. I do what I want and when I want. I’m an independent woman who has friends with benefits and that suits me just fine. I love him and he loves me but I don’t want to be in a relationship. It’s too damn difficult!!  
      

  6. 86
    Michael Hanley

    The latest research on neurophysiology may shed some light on this discussion.   Women have a dual sexual nature, which involves the use of a highly discriminating Detective Agency during the non-ovulatory days during her monthly cycle and a more casually promiscuous sociosexual interaction during her peak ovulatory cycle when her Detective Agency becomes less apt to look for partners with long-term benefits and more willing to partake in sexual activity for the short-term with partners that display more masculine traits and are especially possessive of social dominance. In light of this dual nature, it may not always be in a woman’s best interest to wait before engaging in sex.

    1. 86.1
      Lynn (the other one!)

      @Michael, that’s a great point. One of my girlfriends used to call it ‘egg in the chute!’ time, when she laughed that she felt like she could screw anything not nailed down, so to speak.  

      Though I’m past that time, I remember exactly how that felt too!   

      1. 86.1.1
        starthrower68

        So Lynn, just out of curiosity, because I think it’s interesting to contemplate: having passed that point, do you feel it makes things less or more complicated?   

  7. 87
    Jessica

    I am enjoying the video, but how can you say it was not the patriarchy that policed women’s sexual behavior before the pill? Women were in large part economically dependent on men, and it was assumed that women would get married and that their husbands would support them. There were legal structures in place that prevented women from having access to simple things like their own bank accounts or property without their husbands or their father’s permission. If women were known to be promiscuous, they were at risk of damaging their lifelong financial support system because men might find them unmarriageable.   For another horrible twist, it was not considered rape to have sex without a woman’s consent if she was known to have had sex with anyone before or if she was your wife. This only changed very recently in American history. So I am sure other women played a part in policing sexual behavior, but economic interests connected the basic survival in a patriarchal society definitely underpinned a woman’s entire sexual behavior.   I am getting a masters in history and just finished a class on the history of sexuality In America…

    1. 87.1
      starthrower68

      It’s an interesting take.   I see some comments that women were forced to wait for sex due to a patriarchal society; and now that women have the pill and the sexual revolution have empowered women.   Paradoxically, I see comments that this has also led to men getting sex without pressure to commit.   The argument could be made that women still aren’t that empowered, and I don’t say that to paint women as victims. But rather that it seems confusing. Do we value marriage and commitment less now as a society?   The nature of this blog would seem to indicate not.  

    2. 87.2
      JennLee

      I don’t think I will bother pointing out your flaws because it is obvious that you have gotten your biased views as a result of women’s studies classes that distort the truth. I’ve found most other women who buy into what they are taught in those classes to be too set in their thinking to even bother with.

  8. 88
    Jessica

    Women’s studies classes?   I am studying American history, and can cite plenty of historical evidence from a wide range of sources that back up the broader trends that I mentioned.   I am open minded and interested in truth in general and more than willing to entertain different perspectives. That is how we learn and grow as a species…   So why not mention yours?   I am sure I have many blind spots and misunderstandings.   

    The historical record and experience is endless pretty much.   The only thing I may be remiss about is that I did not define patriarchy.   I meant a society that is built with male domination at its core.   You can see evidence for this through looking at legal, economic, political power and so forth….   Women have been systematically denied access to these social structures for a long time in world history.   It’s obvious through studying the way laws have been written and rewritten.   The 19th Amendment is a biggie, for example…

    1. 88.1
      Michael Ejercito

      Do you not find it odd that nearly every society, despite independent origins, is dominatged by males?

      1. 88.1.1
        JennLee

        I watched a documentary recently about what life would be like with a pandemic that killed 10% of the people. It sparked a discussion among me and friends on what life would be like if our civilization came to an end. As we agreed, we are all living in a golden age. There have been many golden ages, and they have all come to an end, followed b a dark age where surviving became the main focus in life, and you found happiness in little things.

        At first the discussion centered around how horrible things would be, with so many of our luxuries gone. Then we talked about how things would change for the better. Families and communities would become more tight knit. We would connect as human beings again, and learn to once again look at a person’s inner beauty, their character. Lie would slow down, become harder in some ways, but more beautiful in others.

        But both men and women would have to make changes. We would revert more to our traditional roles. That would not happen all at once. Some would resist. Some men would resist the responsibility of once again becoming the protector, and leader of women, and women would resist being lead. It would be hardest for those who were old enough to remember the old world, and they would long for it. Those too young to remember would make an easier transition, and their children would continue that trend. Those who resist may not survive, or find themselves facing horrors they didn’t bargain on. There is strength in numbers, so this would become a necessity, but at the same time, we would once again view outsiders with suspicion. This would be necessary because women would become a commodity to communities. The more women you have, the faster your community can grow, and the stronger you become. So women would need protection.

        So what I am getting at is that we would relearn what is being ignored by historians, which is that the relationship between men was more symbiotic than it is now. How many of us women will say, “I don’t need a man,” and some men have said the same regarding women. In this world, we don’t. We want a man. So as in the past, a future where our civilization has crumbled, men and women would once again need each other.

  9. 89
    jane

    Great article. Really explains why dating sucks nowadays in a nutshell. A quote from Miss Lana Del Ray “we never stick together because we put love first” referring to how girls compete for men, even the ones that are already taken! It’s a shame that women devalue themselves so much these days. If we only knew how priceless we really were maybe there would still be a chance for us yet. : (

    1. 89.1
      ClaudeA

      Jane,

      This is the reason my darling, precious girl friend, – she’s 64 this week – insists we become life-long, committed friends who can enjoy sex but are first and last committed to our relationship as friends who overcome any and all obstacles to continuing to be better and better friends, then we have the sound foundation to build life-long love and commitment which we work together to overcome any and all things that would separate us.

      To do each of these relationships, we have to learn and practice selfless loving of one another. It is selfish, me-first thinking that divides people, and especially lovers. In the home my lovely Bride-to-be and I are building, we have to banish things like jealousy and pride, greed and selfish desires, like a good housekeeper keeps the home free of bugs, dirt, and anything that harms those in the home, or the home itself.

      In our loving, we focus on making one another know and experience complete safety, unconditional love, and we work together, especially from my male side, to make and keep our home sparkling with lots of “Yes, I keep my promises,” “Yes, may I do this and that for you?,” and lots of “I appreciate you” compliments going both ways.

      We add to these acts and words smiles, compliments, friends’ appreciation for what we give to them, community acts to help our neighbors, lots of communication during each day, and many, many “I Love You” things, like flowers, my washing the bathroom and kitchen, helping with laundry, walking her pets and cleaning their messes, kind touches, and so much more.

      It all comes so naturally to us, out of our love. We have yet in these three months, to share love-making, but we are actually making love together with all else we do with each other.

      I appreciate what you shared, too:-))  

  10. 90
    N.C

    I agree with the video. I think its better to wait and have sex. i prefer being in a committed relationship that has long term intentions such as marriage. To the men here who are selfish and wants sex without waiting. Imagine if u have a daughter. Would you want her to have sex without a commitment. Some men take and take and take, while the woman is expecting a commitment. But why would the men agree to buy the cow, if they are getting the milk for free. Sometimes some males must think of their children ahead of time.

    1. 90.1
      Tom10

      @ N.C #92
      “To the men here who are selfish and wants sex without waiting”.
        
      If the men here who want sex without waiting are selfish; does that mean that the women here are equally selfish for wanting to wait for sex?
        
      How is his want inherently any more selfish than your want?
        
      The thing is, N.C, if you want to wait for sex; just wait. It’s as simple as that.
        
      “Imagine if u have a daughter. Would you want her to have sex without a commitment.”
        
      If I had a daughter I would want her to have sex in whichever way suits her (assuming she’s an adult); whether that is with or without commitment, in or out of wedlock.
        
      Her sexuality is hers to manage in any way she sees fit: it is not my place to control it.
        
      Some men take and take and take, while the woman is expecting a commitment.”
        
      Well, why does the woman choose to give and give and give if she isn’t receiving her expected due commitment?
        
        
      Instead of complaining about guys taking, would it not be wiser to seek clear indications of commitment before you give and give and give?

  11. 91
    David J

    I think it’s great that everyone is expressing themselves and being open and honest. But the fact is, none of this has anything to do with it. Withholding sex is completed ineffective because men already decide what their plans are for you before they even leave port.

    We plan, we scheme. Sure, most men will reply “oh not me” but those are the same ones who claim they don’t masturbate every chance they get either. The truth is, if you withhold sex and sex is the goal we began with, then as soon as we GET sex, our first thought will be, “whew! That took forever. Not dealing with that crap again. See ya.”

    Or, if our plan in the first place is just to have sex, we’ll have the sex until it become too inconvenient and/or the newness wears off.

    Or, we’ll have sex the first time we meet and realize that was cool, but not my type. Or, we’ll have sex after the first time, connect and fall madly in love.

    No matter what the woman’s strategy is, it won’t change the end result. I don’t in ANY way devalue a woman because she sleeps with me the first time. It makes me like her more, and at the very least, I’ll consider her a cool friend (I’m 40.)

    It depends on the guy, not the “rules.” For the most part, regardless of withholding or not, if you’re dating younger men, they will probably want something casual. If you’re dating a college cohort and it’s serious, you may end up married. If you’re older and dating a single man, you’re likely screwed because if a man is of marriage age, single and no woman has snatched him up yet, there’s probably a very GOOD reason.

    Women cannot control what a man does after he sleeps with them, whether you make him wait or not. It’s already set into motion by the man’s environment and intentions, which are most easily decoded by his socio-economic status. Let THAT be your starting point on whether or not to have sex. The odds are much greater you’ll make the right decision.

    1. 91.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      One thing you’re missing, David. If you’re out for sex alone and a woman tells you that she will only sleep with you if you’re her boyfriend, what are you going to do? Are you going to lie to her, pretend to be a boyfriend, and then bail after sex? Unless you’re a super selfish sociopath, you probably won’t. You’ll say, “I guess we’re looking for different things” and move along to another woman who WILL sleep with you with no strings attached.

      So to suggest that no strategy changes the end result is incorrect. Women can weed out most guys by holding out for sex with a boyfriend after, say, 5 weeks or something. Is it foolproof? No, nothing is. But I believe that most men – despite their desire for sex – will not pretend to be boyfriends in order to procure it. They don’t have to.

    2. 91.2
      JennLee

      David J,

      I believe everything you said, however, it has nothing to do with the point of this article. Or, should I say, you point out why the article is correct. Like it or not, a man who is JUST after sex is not going to wait months, and be a real boyfriend during that time. A man who is just after sex will decide that it isn’t worth the effort. Oh sure, he will try to wait her out for a short time, and try to convince her to give in and give him what he wants, but if she keeps her focus he will eventually give up. Her focus should simply be that she only wants to have sex with a real boyfriend, or for some women, only have sex with a husband. A real boyfriend is a subjective term, and each woman needs to determine what she wants, and is willing to accept.

      So, as you see, it doesn’t matter what the man wants, or what he has already decided he wants before he left port, it only matters what the woman decides she will do. She has what the man wants. If that is all that he wants, he won’t stick around and act in a manner that is correct. If he only pops in once in a while, that is a sign to her that he is just a hunter, passing through to see if there is a meal for him. She’s looking for a farmer. Somebody who will put down roots and cultivate something that is lasting.

    3. 91.3
      starthrower68

      I may have been born yesterday, but I wasn’t born last night. You cannot convince me, given what you have said, that you desire sex with a particular woman so desperately that you will do it on her terms.  

  12. 92
    Sam Covington

    Whatever society has set with regards to this issue is entirely irrelevant because in the end, who’s to say that you and your sex partner will end up or not end up together. This “one must wait to have sex (women specially)” is a tale as obsolete as the “I am not going to have sex until I marry” sort of some divine leash put around our necks. First of all, sex is so human nature. How many sexually repressed people are out there turned out to be freaks, I don’t know. Clearly, the ramifications of repressing ourselves with what nature had us created to do and enjoy are just as bad as not being to restrain ourselves and immediately hop on to somebody’s bed? No. It all depends on the mindset of both parties. The thing with women is the tendency to become clingy after sex. Whether or not they have waited, it is almost always the case. There are times when you’d meet a man who still want to continue on after a whirlwind courtship and there will be times when you’d meet a man who won’t even remember your name the next day after having sex. It is what it is in the sexual department.
    That said, sex is more of a basic animalistic instinct than a prelude or a prerequisite to a potential emotional entanglement between a man and a woman.
    The reason i say this is because, I have a friend who dated a man, had sex with him after a week of dating and they have been married now for 16 years and have a child together. It’s a case to case basis.

    1. 92.1
      JennLee

      “Clearly, the ramifications of repressing ourselves with what nature had us created to do and enjoy are just as bad as not being to restrain ourselves and immediately hop on to somebody’s bed?”

      Nature didn’t create us to hump everything in site. Nature has a nasty way of reminding us of that with the various STD’s that are around.

      Also, the brain is the most powerful sex organ. But when you have sex with somebody you have no real feelings for, the brain doesn’t get as fully engaged in the act. In short, there are no emotions to it. It is simply about having an orgasm.

    2. 92.2
      starthrower68

      I”ll take the divine leash over hooking up every day of the week and twice on Sunday. What you call repression, I call a clean conscience.   If a guy kicks me to the curb for sticking to my convictions, then so be it. I don’t have to deal with him. I do have to live with me.

  13. 93
    Grace

    There are so many reasons to wait for sex, and this is another good one. In my experience, it is much harder to objectively evaluate the relationship once sex has been initiated. A lot about a person’s values, goals, and attitude towards life can be revealed in the first few months of dating– including red flags. If sex has already been initiated, it is much harder to let go of someone that you would have otherwise been able to recognize as a poor match.  

  14. 94
    A Real Dating Guru

    This is absolutely nonsense. Women should never make men wait for sex. To a REAL man who knows what he wants and goes for it, he’s not going to “wait” because women want to make him play games to get what he wants. A REAL man isn’t going to waste his time with a woman who wants to put him through an “itinerary” and “pre-qual” period before she sleeps with him. REAL men know women know within moments whether or not they’re interested in sleeping with a man and a REAL man isn’t going to put up with a pointless waiting period just because the woman wants to feel reassured in him. If the chemistry’s there, it happens when it feels natural. If the chemistry’s there and the man’s ready yet the woman isn’t, she has trust issues and needs to realize every relationship entails risk and if she can’t respect that and is too worried what society thinks of her for “putting out” or of her “# of sex partners”, she needs to wake up and join women’s lib before she even thinks about pursuing a relationship.

    Yes, their are shit heads out there who just want to get into your pants, and will lie their way into them, but the only way you’re going to find a real man is to go through a few bad apples, and yes that means having sex with a few shitheads until the right kind of guy comes along. If you think your experiences with men are bad, just imagine what men go through. They have to approach, make their move, then deal with the fact that only 1 out of 10 women things will even go anywhere with, so they may get 3 or 4 phone numbers, and out of those women, only one women won’t “flake” or “no show” on them, and if that 1 woman who’s interested in him actually does go places with him, she may wind up having lots of baggage or issues. So us men who are experienced with women and offer no apologies for being a man and going after what we want, accepting no less, and know first-hand that dating is a #s game, aren’t going to wait around because a woman doesn’t want to take a chance with us and put out. Sexual chemistry and compatibility is just as important as everything else in a relationship. If the sex isn’t there, it’s not going to happen, and we’re not waiting 5-6 weeks, or whatever magical “flavor of the month” # of weeks women’s magazines are throwing out there for women to make men wait in addition to all the other bullshit hoops they’re trying to make us jump through in order to find out if we’re even compatible.

    If by date two or three we aren’t balls-deep inside you, we’re moving on. Their are many, many down to earth women out there who realize the kind of strong, dominant man we are who won’t try and make us jump through bullshit, pointless hoops or deal with mind games just to find out whether we match up.

    1. 94.1
      kath

      So Real Dating Guru ….What would you advise me? …..that I should have slept with the guy I went on 5 dates with even though I didn’t know how he felt about me, didn’t know if he wanted to see other women or is actively sleeping with someone else , didn’t know if he was looking for a booty call situation or a girl friend etc?…By your input I should have slept with him on date 2 or 3 and hoped for the best??? …..and would you suggest I do that with all potential dates that cross my path, cause thats a lot of men Id have to sleep with while “hoping for a relationship after 2 or 3 dates …

      1. 94.1.1
        Adrian

        No of course you don’t have to sleep with him Kath, it’s your body, but the things you mentioned are easily answered, just ask him. After 5 dates (about a month, one date per week), most people still don’t know if you are worth committing to or not, especially if they are also going on dates with other people. This has been discussed on this blog numerous times, just talk to the guy, but understand that it’s not evil for people to want to have sex, but when you have the “exclusive talk” if you make a man feel like a predator (or hunter in your words), then why would he want to be with someone who makes him feel slimy for wanting something natural?

        1. Kath

          Adrian (or Dating Guru) Were on earth did you get the idea that I think sex is evil? I love sex. Im in my fifties.

          You have created some assumptions in my situation while you are defending that women should have sex with a guy as soon as possible.

          Its been my experience that actions speak more than words when dating guys. I was observing his actions and effort over time. This guy was 50 and had never been married There was some clues that he was pretty emotionally avoidant and not really willing to share what he was looking for.

          Yes the dates were good dates, except you made another assumption on the time frame. There would be a gap of maybe a week where there would be no contact at all from him. He seemed to want a lot of distance. The first couple of dates were several months ago and he just drifted off. I ran into him out and we had 3 more dates more recently.

          So why would you assume that when I said I didn’t want to sleep with a guy in a situation that wasn’t exclusive that I shamed him and made him feel like a predator? This guy responded that he wasn’t strongly opposed to having a girlfriend but he would have to know and trust her really really well over a long time . He seemed so emotionally fearful of the idea that he just didn’t seem like relationship material. He told me his last relationship was years ago and that the woman had expected to see him most weekends!!!

          I went out dancing because he never asked me out that Friday the day he told me he’d signed up for mid week classes. This guy wasn’t interested in knowing me . He was looking for casual sex and I prefer a more emotionally connected relationship.

          I weeded him out It had nothing to do with needing a guy to jump through hoops and “impress me. I just didn’t feel emotionally secure with him .

        2. Adrian

          Kath, I’m not the dating Guru, I don’t agree with his beliefs.

    2. 94.2
      starthrower68

      That’s good Guru. Women don’t have to weed you out that way. You do it for yourself.

    3. 94.3
      Haha

      Great job demonstrating Evans point about the kind of guys we want to weed out.

    4. 94.4
      Gilly

      Sure, a lot of this holds true from the “real man’s” side. Raging gotta-have-you-now-or-else sex has it’s place, if that’s something you do, or did. Women and men who wait for the magic number of weeks are simply looking for something that has more basis than good sex. Good sex is incredible — it is fun and exciting. But it’s the frosting, not the cake, a few months down the line, when there are dirty dishes in the sink…

      It’s important to share how you feel about early sex, honestly and on both sides, if you are ultimately looking for more…some aren’t; that’s cool too. I sure dug those experiences.

       

  15. 95
    mon

    Why do men who reply to this feel marriage is a trap? The most important part of any relationship is communication-verbal and non-verbal. So please dear men and women grow some guts and talk about what your needs are.
    I can only say this for myself as a woman-if I have sex with someone early on in dating it is usually because I realise he is not a relationship material, as I have my needs why not go for it.
    For everyone out there. Get to know yourself first, be happy with who you are. After all it is two people that make relationship.1+1=2 Do not look for someone to complete you.

  16. 96
    kath

    Id been out on maybe 5 great dates with a new guy He started trying to initiate sex so I had the talk with him just how Evan describes that I prefer to be in an exclusive relationship with someone etc… That was Sunday Monday am he sent me a text about the next date being a nature walk. I said that would be great . No more contact from him till friday. He sends me a text saying he’s signed up for a midweek class. Didn’t ask me out. So i go out on Friday night and I see him out on the hunt for other women at a local dance place .
    I was so relieved I didn’t sleep with him!!! I would have felt sick to my stomach if I had and then seen him out on the hunt. So I said a quick hi when I passed him and danced with every other guy in the place all night while he stood up against the wall.
    Thank god for Evans Advice !!

    1. 96.1
      Adrian

      Wait! Kath, so… A guy does everything right for 5 dates (because you said they were great), which is about what, a month (1 date a week), then he tries to initiate (NOT FORCE) sex, and you turn him down, but then you still expect him to want to jump through hoops and impress you, win you over, instead of going for a women who wouldn’t make beg for sex after he gave her 5 dates??? He was at the club on the hunt, but you were there just to have fun??? Because it’s impossible for him to have been there to just have fun… But he is the one who stood on the wall but you are the one who flirted and danced with every guy you saw…

      Hmmm… Yep! I’m sure he is even more relieved he didn’t sleep with you or become exclusive with you. Hopefully at least when you turned him down for sex you didn’t make him feel embarrassed… but from his actions, and yours… I doubt it… That poor guy.

      1. 96.1.1
        Karl R

        Adrian,
        I think you’re twisting what kath said. I think we can agree that “everything right” is a subjective term. And it sounds like (by kath’s standard) that “everything right” would have included agreeing to exclusivity before intimacy.

        I’ve dated women who wanted to keep their options open, rather than dating exclusively. Some of them wanted to initiate intimacy. I wasn’t always interested in having sex with a woman who is still dating (and potentially having sex) with other men. (When faced with the decision, I’ve gone both ways.) *Everyone* has the right to decide that they’re not ready for sex yet (even if the other person has done everything right).

        Kath’s actions at the local dance place (at least the way she described them) sounded somewhat petty. But other than that, it doesn’t sound like either she or the man behaved badly.

        1. Kath

          Thank you Karl . I was open with the guy that I was very interested and attracted to him . He wouldn’t share anything unless I disclosed how I felt first. Basically I made myself vulnerable ,said I was interested and he rejected me . So If I went out and saw him there and I was petty by dancing with all the guys hitting on me, it was because I was hurt he wasn’t interested. But Im soooo glad I didn’t sleep with him because I would have been more hurt seeing him out if he had slept with me the week before.
          I like the guy He didn’t do anything wrong He’s just a loner I think

        2. Adrian

          Karl, because I’m a huge fan of the balanced knowledge and experiences you bring to this blog, I’ll trust in your prospective and retract my earlier criticism of Kath.

          Kath, nope I’m not the Guru, I was just making a statement based off how your actions in the comment you wrote sounded to me, I strongly agree that no one should have sex with someone until they are ready to.

  17. 97
    rdhdatx

    When will any sexual responsibility in relationships ever be equal???? Where are all the lectures urging men to stop pressuring women for sex early on??? It’s enough that women have to do all the work to prevent unwanted pregnancy, let alone to have to play games with men to prevent abandonment.

    Besides, what man really needs or wants to wait around with online dating being the cafeteria line meatmarket that it is? Quit shaming and infantilizing women for putting out. We are damned if we do, and fanned if we don’t.

    1. 97.1
      Haha

      Funny because just about every day some guy comes here to bitch and moan about that online dating meat market cafeteria line being awfully sparse for any man who isn’t 6,2, loaded, jacked and hung.

  18. 98
    kath

    Morris …absolutely correct .

    The part that get missed when people are advocating have sex on 2nd date so they guy doesn’t have to “jump through hoops” … is that those guys don’t stick around

    I love sex . I want good quality and frequent sex and Ive found I don’t get that from non committal guys because they are on to their next conquest. So if I want great, frequent, quality sex with a guy, I have to hold out till he’s connected enough with me. I hate having to hold back when Im attracted to him .For me and most women I know sex keeps getting better as you get more attuned and know someone really well over time. The casual guys just aren’t with the STD risk

    Im sticking with Evans advice cause its the best advice Ive found ….sorry Guru Your way isn’t working for me

  19. 99
    Lauren

    I just want to say thank you. I followed the advice in your article and wow it really does work! I went on a first date with a guy I met on match and although it got a little PG 13, I told him I didn’t like to have sex outside of a relationship. He understood, and by the end of the date he actually thanked me for not having sex with him. He said, “do you know what happened to all those women I slept with on the first date? Gone.” Then he kept telling me how much he liked me and even asked me to be his boyfriend! Of course I said I wanted to make sure he was boyfriend material first and that I would definitely want to date first (I only just met him) but he is excited about us and wants to make the effort to have a relationship with me. I feel so blessed! I am glad I am now seeing that I deserve this type of treatment and I am so grateful for yor help!! Thanks 🙂

  20. 100
    older woman

    I am as my name implies..older..mid 60’s to be exact. And I want to weigh in here..1st..not all of us older ladies have given it up..and fyi..while it may be different in some ways from when we were in our 20’s, sex can still be wonderfully exciting in the later years. Those of us that are dating have the same issues as younger women whether we want marriages or something else. For those of us looking for a long term partner, there are reasons to wait 5 or 6 weeks as Evan suggests. Chief among them is the nature of getting to know each other and determine how we feel about each other. In the beginning we haven’t enough experience with someone to know a great deal. It takes a while to determine if someone is going to be to our liking or not. It is tempting to have sex soon after meeting. The risk is after anther month we will find out a lot that we did not notice that might in fact preclude us from wanting to go further. I found this out when I met a very nice guy recently. He was clearly not in my social world but was smart and accomplished..It took a while to realise he was deeply depressed and financially very shaky. None of us announce this kind of stuff..It comes out over time..and that is why it may be wise for us to give time time.

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