Why Women Should Make Men Wait For Sex

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If you’ve ever wondered why it seems that men are okay with no-strings-attached sex while women tend to suffer with this arrangement, watch this video closely.

It affirms everything that I’ve ever written about sex and gender in a very logical, concrete manner. In short, women teach men how to treat them. And if, due to equality, birth-control, libido, societal acceptance, and insecurity, many women are willing to have sex with men who don’t call, pay, commit, or make an effort, then those women are essentially teaching men that they do not have to behave well to procure sex.

You want to find out if a man is serious about you? Wait to have sex with him.

My advice is not to tell men that they shouldn’t sleep with women; it’s to tell women that you must have men make a greater investment in you as individuals before having sex.

This is why I created the 2/2/2 rule to screen men through the online dating process.
This is why I say you should wait 5-6 weeks before he’s your boyfriend.
This is why I tell you not to have sex outside of commitment.

You want to find out if a man is serious about you? Wait to have sex with him. If you don’t – because you’re a liberated woman who can have sex whenever you damn well please – don’t be too surprised if a decent percentage of those men never call again. Again, I’m not remotely judgmental of those who have sex without commitment; I will only point out as a dating coach that it tends to lead to sub-optimal results from men because they didn’t have to do anything special to get into bed with you.

Note: there will be no comments about slut-shaming, since no one is shaming anyone, nor calling anyone a slut. Nor will there be comments about how you slept with your boyfriend on the first date and he became your husband. The many exceptions don’t disprove the rule that giving men sex without demanding better treatment is not the best idea.

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Comments:

  1. 101
    tronic808

    Men don’t stick around after sex because women turn the relationship into a job  afterwards. The seduction is the best part by far, so I can do that with someone new. I HAVE to. I’d rather flirt than f**k any day of the week.

  2. 102
    Real woman

    Men who feel they are entitled to sex straight away, can get that from any willing woman, but not a real woman. I hate the thought that just jumping in the pit with some guy willy nilly where I may be mixing some other woman’s porridge worst still licking it. Sorry to be so crass. It is a woman’s choice as and when she decides the time is right to sleep with a guy, be it 1 night – 3 yrs etc, we are all individuals, but I love the build up of chemistry and allowing myself to be completely vulnerable and at easye with a guy, giving him fantastic sex instead cheap and cheerful.   
      
    Question for all you guys out there would you marry/enter an emotional relationship with the local bike?

    Most truthful guys would say NO!

      

  3. 103
    Spider

    it’s just this simple. if a man is dating a woman and not having sex with her, he is getting or trying to get it else where. a man will continue to see a woman that he is not having sex with if she has some other quality that interest him, but will eventually stop seeing her. so ladies if you don’t want to have sex in an uncommitted relationship, then don’t, stand your ground. but realize that the man will simply move on, because that is our nature. ladies there is a man out there for you, and we men know that there are plenty of women out there for us. there is no need to be hostile with each other, if it not right move on.

  4. 104
    Ester

    Yes i gree some men used to cheat before coming home and it usel her wife want sexy and men just starting to sleep withouth do anything home

  5. 105
    John

    Trust me, no matter how long you make a guy wait, if they’re just in it for sex then they’ll wait it out and dump you right afterward. Also, I don’t think men need to “behave well to procure sex.” That sounds like we’re dogs and a woman will throw us a treat because we did what she wanted. Sex shouldn’t be based off time or behavior (of course of you were really being mean I get it), it should be based off trust and love. There’s no way to avoid assholes but if you know a guy loves you and you love him, why would you make him wait? Plus if you aren’t being treated right, why are you there in the first place? I can assure you there’s plenty of nice guys to go around.

  6. 106
    Angela

    this is GARBAGE!! what a messed up  anti-woman video . So woman’s only value to men is sex… the most bizzare   thing is that men get more out of marriage in general than women do ( yes there are good husbands too). But general husband are a lot of WORK and kids ruin your body and suck the life out of you, run away ladies   lol!

    Got to love the boys will be boys and women   back stab each other but they used to be sister in arms what nonsense !

    The reason the marriage age is going up is women   no longer rely on men for money and there are   plenty of  women how enjoy sex for GASP!! physical pleasure and have no interest in marriage.

    Sorry Evan I call BS

  7. 107
    Cat

    The only flaw in this is that sometimes you wait, building an emotional bond, only to find out the sex is awfull. What then? You’ve just wasted your time. Sex is very important to me and no matter how well a guy treats me, if the sex is bad what’s the point?

  8. 108
    Jenai

    Evan, sometimes even the best laid plans fail. You can wait and a man still lies and cheats.

    I think it’s most important with women and dating and relationships to focus on helping women first recognize the right types of men. Helping them find and recognize marriage minded men. And helping them choose the right types of men. It’s hard to know what someone’s true intentions are. Typically we find out the truth about people by pure accident. And it can take a long time for an “accident” to happen. There is no 100% sure fire way to know if anyone will change their mind, or change period. That person may not know if they will change their mind. However, I would like to see more advice on how to recognize and attract like minded men who are serious and marriage minded.

     

    Thank you.   🙂

    1. 108.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      “I would like to see more advice on how to recognize and attract like minded men who are serious and marriage minded.”

      It’s in every single blog post, newsletter, and book I write. You don’t “recognize” them like you recognized a photo of Mickey Mouse. You allow them to reveal themselves in their actions over time. There’s no shortcut and anyone looking for one will be sorely disappointed.

      1. 108.1.1
        Jenai

        Thanks Evan. Understood   🙂

  9. 109
    Isa Njei

    Pondering this Morning the Wisdom of Creations all Mercyfull and our Loving Father, please read all and do NOT disregard:
    Why did HE forbid Sex before Marriage (official Bond)?
    Here is why:
    <3 The union of marriage should be a sanctified bond between two persons (and perhaps respective familial parties). Rights and duties in Marriage (once acted upon) secures a certain level of comfort, peace and happiness for individuals and continues to build family life, strengthening the Community. So, you have basically the fiqh governing duties and rights of children, then at marital age, fiqh governing roles, duties and rights of being a good parent combined with inlaw relationships etc. Without the institution of marriage, there would be some level of chaos without the sanctification of those rights and duties.
      
    <3 The real reason is right there in front of you . Think of all the childrens who do not know their fathers, the psychogical impact on a child who finds out that their father didn’t care enough about them to stick around and how that would affect them as they grow up.
    Absolutely agreed.. We see that everyday, it’s such a huge problem. If one investigates the prison population , and researches the background of the criminals, one would come to realize this common pattern amongst most inmates. It’s simply too difficult on a child not to have a father, their guidance comes from other sources, they lose a huge role model in their life, and love which 1 mother simply can not fulfill. Since the love of the father is also related to discipline , a mother can’t raise a man, she can only take him so far.. You need a man to raise a man.
      
    <3 Like all other sins, it’s destructive. It results in babies being born unto mothers that can’t handle the responsiblity of caring for a child, which often leads to abortion, which is another evil. Furthermore, it’s a disregard of the beauty of your body and your partner’s body; sex is not designed to be taken advantage of whenever we please. You do not respect the opposite sex when you use them as instruments to try satisfy your own carnal desires.
    And do not forgett Diseases. Please love yourself nuff.
      
    But most importantly, it’s a violation of God’s law. Anything that violates that is immoral– end of story

  10. 110
    Daisy

    Interesting Article….

    But you are missing the point here.. Telling women to wait to have sex is more damaging. Think of this. Either a man will think you are handicapped in bed, of a manipulator and just leave. You fail to mention there are losers of guys who are willing to wait to just have sex. Like literally invest time and money and after 3 years , they have sex and boom … He is gone. imagine the devastation faced by a woman after building hopes so big and putting a lot of emotional investment. See passionate romance does not exceed honey moon period.

    Dudettes just make your moves groovy… Improve your personality and develop skills. While having sexual relationship. Show him love in other ways. If he likes you he will come back even After 1 night stand. If they didn’t .. They are not worth the time and relationship.. This attitude ruins sanctity of marriage making it purely a licence to have sex

     

     

  11. 111
    Anon

    Regardless of how we women feel about this, it’s true.   It’s simple economics in today’s society.

  12. 112
    Chris

    Are you really telling us that a woman having sex with a man is a gift from the woman to the man, hmmmmmm? So woman having sexual relations with a man is the woman giving something away to the man, of course that means all women must own sex, hmmmmm? Here is a hypothesis for you to ponder; “Every woman will follow “HER MAN” (note ownership again) anywhere, to any place, and under any circumstances – as long as the man leads her to where “SHE” wants to be, reach, or accomplish. It is only when a man does not lead “HIS” (how do you feel about the man taking ownership?) woman to where she wants to be that relationship troubles start. Ask yourself if you have it all right, or perhaps you may just have it all wrong? I propose that a successful, working relationship has very little to do with sex at all. However it does have everything to do with both “PARTNERS” making a truly equal contributing to the intellectual, emotional, financial, spiritual, physical, work, caring, loving and nurturing needs that make up the inputs for a successful relationship. Those inputs must take place in each partner as a matter of nature towards the other partner. More to the point, they should not be something that either partner needs to learn as they go along as that means one, or both, of the partners is still a student trying to grow up, has no subconscious knowledge of equality and giving, hence is NOT ready for a serious relationship — PERIOD. All these things should, NO MUST take place within a common predetermined direction for the relationship, which include an infinite number of variation plans to allow for life’s endless curve balls. Both partners must be aware that love selfless, it is a journey from A to B and not any end place or thing. When two people give selflessly to each other you have two grown-ups giving unconditionally all they have to each other and never (here is the pivotal word in all this), “EXPECTING” anything in return. No, No, No, you are very wrong – women don’t own sex, any more than Men do. Sex is a chemical reaction predetermined and built into both men and woman to maintain the species, it is not owned, controlled, or belong to any gender. Yes some, if not most young men are driven by their urges, are not women? Being such is just base, lacks all intellect in every sphere of intellect and understanding.

    1. 112.1
      SparklingEmerald

      I agree with Judy, your post illustrates the reciprocal nature of relationships, and it is very reasonable to expect reciprocation in a relationship.   To do otherwise is to be a doormat or to be a selfish taker.

      So your post illlustrates the natural reciprocal expectations that a healthy relationship entails, but for some reason, you don’t like to admit that these (reasonable) expectations exist in a relationship.

      And as Judy pointed out, women DO own their bodies (as do men) and a woman setting boundaries in regards to own body is not claiming “ownership” of sex, so I’m not sure what you are getting at ?   Are you saying women must have sex with any man who demands it ?   Wouldn’t that make men the owners of women ? Do you resent that women have a choice in the matter ?

      Also, the word “my”, not only denotes ownership, but is also used to mean “in relation to”.   Do you get offended when people introduce you to “My mother” “my sister” or “my friend” ?   Are they claiming ownership with those phrases ?   How do you feel when people say “My hometown” “My country” or “My high school” ?   Do you think they are claiming “ownership” of those things ?

      Why does someone claiming an intimate relationship with the use of the word “my” bother you so much ?   “My sweetheart” “My man”, “My wife” “My girl” are not denotations of ownership.   They are terms of endearment.

  13. 113
    judy

    Chris 114 – but you DO expect something in return, let’s not kid ourselves.   We expect give and take, love and affection, loyalty and intimacy.

    Women don’t own sex, but they still own their bodies, at the very least until there is some kind of commitment.

    Or maybe I’m wrong.   Maybe just giving a man sex is all people want nowadays and then they go on to the next one or maybe you’ll be lucky and he appreciates the gift.

    Maybe that is the point.   Sex is still a gift, to be shared of course, but it is not a RIGHT, or an obligation.

    1. 113.1
      Keith

      Judy, Judy, Judy. . . . Children are a gift, sex is not.

      1. 113.1.1
        judy

        Sex is also a gift that people give each other.

  14. 114
    Keith

    In summation:   women continue to believe men are just large children who have to be punished by withholding sex until they comply and submit to the “traditional” male role of being the marrying/committed man the non-traditional modern woman wants (Similar to being grounded).   Why do the rules for women get to be dynamic when the rules for men have to be static?

    I LOVE modern, evolved, self-assured, self-reliant, high achieving, intelligent, educated, well paid women.   Gender equality is the most wonderful and amazing development of the modern age (I like it more than fast cars, microwave ovens and jet travel, to name a few) and here is why. . . .

    When I was in my late teens and early 20’s I had to make some sort of an investment to get sex.   That investment could be in the form of taking her out to dinner, the theater, to a movie, cutting the grass, fixing a pipe, changing a light bulb, going out with her friends, etc.    Back then if I said I would “call” her, I knew that meant before I went to bed that day.   Now it means that I only need to call her before I die.    The 70’s and 80’s   released me from this burden.    I learned that women can do everything a man can do (including enjoying sex) and she does not need a man to help her accomplish anything in life.    This change in social habits and mores   has allowed me to approach dating as if I am going out with a buddy.   I am happy to share the cost of dating, let her pay for travel, ask me out and initiate spontaneous sex.    By doing this I believe I am helping her confirm her worth, equality and success at achieving it all in the “patriarchal” society her predecessors languished under for centuries.    I do not fix anything, I lift nothing heavy, I avoid all references to the dark ages (before the age of equality) so as not be politically incorrect or insult the enlightened modern woman.   It sounds facetious, but I am sincere.

    It is true that men will have sex with as many women as they can and there is no shortage of women to provide it.   Modern women who want non-committed sex are not rare nor are they an endangered commodity or under threat of extinction.   Men take advantage of this opportunity and now we are denigrated and insulted for it.   This makes no sense to me whatsoever.   Do the math ladies.

    In this third millennium women have finally received what they wished for but they cannot stop bitching about the fact that men embrace it.

    There, I said it, I feel better now, don’t you?

     

     

  15. 115
    Whitney

    What year is this did  I take a trip in the time machine?

    Comparing pesticides to birth control is wrong on so many levels. Birth control was/and is still a life safer, and is still something women in certain parts of the US have to fight for.   Im gathering from the video that   birth control drove down the price a guy is wiling to pay because the supply for sex went up when  women started taking birth control… no. I think the “supply” lies with women which lies with the culture of our environment and I feel we are a generation of women who are increasingly having sex because its part of a healthy lifestyle.

    The reason why   marriage keeps getting pushed back could be because humans are living longer lives period. Why deal with all that in the prime of our  lives?Marriage was created when the human life span was what 30-40?

    Picking apart relationships and talking about the economics of love, relationship, and marriage is  sickening, likes its a commodity something thats sold and bought.. the whole tone of this video.   It is not so black and white in real life, its not sex vs marriage. Some people are looking for an in between compatible person to have a relationship with. Casual dating, having a good time. Not this make him wait BS, if you want marriage..

    Person behind this video is obviously   trying to denounce birth control and increase sales in the wedding market.

     

    1. 116.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Thanks for the note. While I disagree with right-wing think tanks, I don’t disagree with the premise in general and I would ask you to decouple your feelings for the sources from the facts at hand:

      Men sleep with women for whom they have no feelings. Women allow this to happen and then complain about men. Stop sleeping with men who are not your boyfriend and you will have fewer heartbreaks from such “pump and dump” type men. Not sure what there is to argue with – or why this has to be turned into something political.

  16. 117
    Sandy

    I agree and I lived by this in my youth. Besides high school stuff (walking me home from school a innocent kiss no hevy panting) I only had 4 serious relationships and the last being my husband.

    Number 1 horrible. Jumped in at 17 known each other a short time. A lot of foreplay it was good but he did the jiggly got off didnt think of me and i was left feeling ashamed and used. He was professional triathlete extremely good looking.   We stayed together a month but it was just terrible. It made me more cautious for the future.

    Number 2 and 3 i waited for and they both cheated with this rule. Number 2 I was with for three years. We waited   9 weeks before making love. Half way into the relationship he confessed he was still having casual sex with his ex but stopped when we got serious. It destroyed our relationship. I tried to forgive and forget but mthe trust was no longer there.

    Number 3, i waited 3 months of being exclusive it just didnt feel right. I then thought I wasnt really giving this guy a chance or my whole heart I was holding back. I brought a nice card went over to say sorry. I found him in bed with his ex.

    Then i did 3 months self work and meet my husband who waited for me 7 months. He proposed after 3 month and he wanted to get married straight away. But he also had christianity driving his restraint.

    I felt hurt about being cheated on for a long time and my dad cheated on my mum more than once and she just forgave him. I vowed i would never do that and found it hard to trust.

    But now i have been a widow for 5 years and im in my 30s i understand the need for sex. It can drive u crazy. I have had one relationship since being a widower and its impossible to make it full time so we break up but ended up back together. If i was to find some one new and I had to wait 5 week s I would be scared in a horny friday night moment I would succumb to my ex who is very persuasive. Understanding this now has healed parts of my lack of trust. i still have never had a one night stand.

    So I guess my question is waiting so long also throw spanners like cheating in the works because the person want to be with you but is feeling incredibly horny and retreats back to their usual sorce when they are into you but still have a need.

  17. 118
    Gilly

    I’m someone who always had intercourse quickly, often immediately. I’d spend  weeks, sometimes only a day afterwards trying to turn every one of his somewhat sweet gestures or comments into something more. Maybe they were, who knows…back then, learning this required I stay home or at least have an answering machine. Ultimately I had no idea, except that I was good in bed, and told that repeatedly.

    In my late forties, I am on my own, dating for the first time. I am at last seeing someone new after four years of collecting myself after a long marriage. I’ve learned something. Still sexy or not, I am an interesting, fun and intelligent woman. I am intriguing. I am feeling a level of self confidence  that I never have. My quiet smiles in the grocery store are real. I’m not having to find them based on what he does or doesn’t do. My feelings are not manufactured.

    I learned these things about myself  because we are waiting to go all the way. We are instead seeing how we are as a true  couple based on common interests, level of commitment, communication style, and growing attraction. I feel this way because I am with someone who sees a lot more in me than a quickie (and I do him) only because we are exploring if there is more. We both feel this way. It  is nice in such different ways – very tender, exploration showing us things physically that we’d perhaps never get to, had the amazing sex been our lead in.

    I must admit though, memories of first night sex are fantastic in a different way.  Choosing to wait is very new to me. Feeling our connection  build, along with our anticipation, is really nice.

  18. 119
    Sue

    True, true…great articles…both part one and part two.

    Too bad women don’t stop putting it all out there driving down the value.

     

  19. 120
    Four Sophomores Stuck in the Hookup Culture

    We are four sophomore girls attending college. We just finished watching the video and reading some of the comments here after doing a search on the hookup culture. We are living in the midst of the hook up culture and have been doing so since around our junior year of high school. From our perspective, we feel like it is almost impossible to get a real relationship because so many girls are willing to hook up with any reasonably hot guy. It’s like the economic concept in the video–why should the guys invest any time into getting to know a girl when they can hook up for free? And the best guys have a lot of options so we don’t have much power.

    Most hook ups amount to nothing, some turn into f**k buddies, and even fewer turn into relationships. A lot of guys we know will text the girl and hang out after for a while if the hook up was  especially fun (mostly booty calls at first), saying that they might want a relationship but don’t know yet. Sometimes they do end up dating but usually not   and a lot of times the girls get hurt. We agree that casual hookups are fine if both people understand that they are casual. If two people are drunk or at a party and randomly hookup then it is pretty obvious it is causal unless the guy initiates contact after. But often the guy   will meet you and then text or snap and ask to casually hang out so the situation is unclear and if you like the guy and he uses you you get hurt. So here is our problem and then later our question….

    Since so many girls will engage in hookups at parties or after getting coffee or otherwise hanging out casually, if you don’t hook up it seems like you are at a disadvantage. It seems like the guys screen the girls and those who don’t hook up don’t make it past Round 1. There is no time to make much of an emotional connection so if a physical connection isn’t established it is “game over” before there is even a chance for much to develop. We have observed this for our generation: Most hookups do not turn into relationships, but most relationships start with hookups. This happens because relationships are pretty rare. Most people just hook up unless the guy wants more. None of us want   uber serious relationships right now since we are unlikely to get married for years. But we do want something official that is fun and stable where there is loyalty, trust, and real friendship along with the chemistry. Problem is that to get there we probably have to go through a series of hookups and drama. Otherwise we cannot compete with the girls who have casual sex and there are a lot of them!   And they are getting more and more experienced and good at luring the boys in while we are not! All of us have hooked up with guys before but have been selective about it. A couple of us have been really hurt in hookups that seemed like they could be more but ended up flings or less. One of us in particular is hit up by A LOT of guys all the time but all they ever seem to want is to hookup. This makes the rest of us think that if she can’t get more than a hookup how the heck can we. (She is blushing as we type this but she is a major hottie lol.)

    The best thing to happen would be for girls to band together and get choosier about who to hookup   with and wait longer to do it (like the video said), but that’s not happening anytime soon and it is frustrating because the boys seem to have so much more power than we do. So if anyone has any advice we’d love to hear it… Maybe hookup once but don’t go as far as sex and then don’t do it again unless the guy puts some real effort in? Problem is that the effort is usually just texting or snapping and maybe asking you to hang out with them at their place or get some quick food, and that does not seem like much effort. Plus real effort is reserved for girlfriends so they don’t do that until later. It is hard to tell if it is a booty call or the possible beginning of something more. It is all really confusing. (Sorry so long but with four of us working on this we had a lot to say lol.)

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