Falling in Love: It Happens Faster Than You Think

A Syracuse University study revealed that love-at-first-sight causes the same euphoric feelings as cocaine. Yes, you heard correctly: cocaine. And they say it only takes a fifth of a second to “fall in love”. A fifth of a second. Not the three-to-six months of dating that you might expect.

MRIs showed that 12 areas the brain work together during the falling in love process, releasing euphoria-inducing chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline and vasopressin.

Dopamine is responsible for reward-driven learning and a variety of highly addictive drugs, including stimulants such as cocaine and methamphetamine, act directly on the dopamine system. Oxytocin plays a role in orgasm, social recognition, pair bonding, anxiety, and maternal behavior.

The researcher who conducted the study, Stephanie Ortigue, says that her results confirm that love has a “scientific basis.”

Personally, I don’t believe the sensation that is being described is actually “love,” but since it’s the feeling that most people want to associate being “in love,” it’s still a useful study.

Read the full article here. Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated. How many times have you felt the rush of love at first sight? And how many of you are still dating your love-at-first-sight guy?

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  1. 1

    Hmm I dont believe in love at first sights. I believe that love is something that grows over time, and that it has to be based on something fundamental that two people have built together (e.g. compatibility, respect, commitment, friendship, etc). If it’s a 1/5th of a second thing then I think it’s simply a rush or some sort of fascinating feeling/attraction. And yes I’ve encountered numerous situations of those 1/5th second rushes, and they definitely didnt feel like love.

    1. 1.1

      i hope your right Daisy

  2. 2

    The man I’ve been dating for four-plus months was one I was intensely attracted to at our first face-to-face meeting. I wasn’t expecting this level of attraction because his match.com photo was ordinary-looking and his profile was very short, though he sounded good on the phone.
    Wow! He was much more attractive and interesting in person than I expected. I spent the next two months or so in a head-whirl of infatuation that has gradually settled back down to earth. He’s a wonderful man who has some mental health issues – anxiety, off-and-on depression, and unhappiness in his job, and he tends to self-medicate with beer when he’s feeling stressed. Otherwise he’s fun, insightful, a good listener, and his flaws are tolerable. I’m trying to be supportive during his hard times, but if he hasn’t taken some “action steps” to address his issues within the next two months or so, I may have to reassess our long-term potential.
    At any rate, my experience with love/infatuation-at-first-sight is that it lasts only until the person’s all too human flaws inevitably come out on display. This almost always happens by the three- or four-month mark. I’ve learned to enjoy the infatuation stage without taking it too seriously.

    1. 2.1

      Hi Laurie…I fell for a guy who struggled with similar issues. I believe that I was in love with him…I really do. I made the mistake of taking his issues on myself and promising to always be there for him…it was too early and I overestimated how much I could handle. So our relationship didn’t last…toward the end I felt like he was always settling in life… He wasn’t a fighter and I had to fight the urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. I felt guilty for ending the relationship but it had to end and after I got over the pain of losing someone I loved I found a man who is a much better match for me.  I hope everything works out for you.

    2. 2.2

      Dear Laurie, The guy you’re dating sounds like several guys I’ve dated in my past. I only want the best for you, although I don’t know you. What I do know is that if a man is not happy in his job, he will most likely not be very happy in other aspects of his life. If he is unwilling to be proactive about changing his situation, he will make not only himself  miserable, but will always make you miserable too.

  3. 3

    Love in the true sense of the word is not “at first sight”; it’s lust at first site.  Love is more of a decision, rather than an emotion.  For me, I have learned to distinguish it based on whether its in my head or in my heart.  If it’s in my head, I’m hung up on the idea rather than the actual person.

  4. 4

    I believe in lust at first sight, but not love.

  5. 5

    I do believe that one can recognise the potential love partner at first sight… but it doesn’t mean that he/she is single or even interested in you.. or that his/her ethics are similar enough for the relationship to work.
    That is why one has to be careful..

    But still – for over all happiness of life is that one has real romantic love for the relationship to work – not just (platonic) friendship:

    I want people to read that too..

    I quote:

    “The researchers looked at 17 short-term relationship studies, which included 18- to 23-year-old college students who were single, dating or married, with the average relationship lasting less than four years. They also looked at 10 long-term relationship studies comprising middle-aged couples who were typically married 10 years or more. Two of the studies included both long- and short-term relationships in which it was possible to distinguish the two samples.
    The review found that those who reported greater romantic love were more satisfied in both the short- and long-term relationships. Companion-like love was only moderately associated with satisfaction in both short- and long-term relationships. And those who reported greater passionate love in their relationships were more satisfied in the short term compared to the long term.”

    Why settle for a”friendship” when it actually will diminish the over all quality of life of both partners?
    You just don’t think of leaving.. in short you are stuck, and you waste your life being half alive.

    Nope, I am rather single than settle.

  6. 6

    The love at first sight thing has happened to me on 3 occasions during my adult life. It does happen so quickly and is the most wonderful feeling and it’s no wonder we would do anything to have that wonderful feeling and state of mind last forever. It never does of course …

    And where are these lovely men now?

    I wish I knew!

    1. 6.1

      Totally agree on your point. I too have been deeply in love before a week was through. May not have been instant but it was fast.

  7. 7

    Pretty superficial. I agree with PGL #4 – split second determination is purely lust. Or just initial attraction at best. Not the best indicator for a lasting relationship (you gave a talk about this a while back, Evan!) Love is an emotion but also a choice that might not happen right away. Do we base love on purely looks or also the persons other characteristics? Otherwise how would the blind or visually impaired  ever experience this love at first sight thing ( and I am sure they have – they just use other senses!!!) That shoots the whole theory down.

  8. 8

    Like NN, I believe in the “potential for Love at first sight” but what this article refers to as “Love” is an insult to the true meaning!!

  9. 9

    Apparently Alfred Hitchcock once said that “Love affairs start with a glance – and that is the only way they start….”

  10. 10

    How long did the relationships last ? How did they end ?

  11. 11

    Whenever I feel that instant “pull” towards someone, I beome especially wary because I believe that true love starts slow and builds over time.  When a connection is strong and instant, I figure it only can go downhill from there.

    1. 11.1

      Very good point ~~~ and TRUTH!


  12. 12

    @Laurie #2 ….. I can relate so much to your story although it’s much fresher and earlier for me.

    I met this woman from Match Tuesday night who I’d had a few emails with and 1 nice phone conversation. She walked in the restaurant and I was immediately blown away. You know what they say “expect the worse and hope for the best” well this woman walked in and was 10X better looking than her a slightly better than average 2 photo’s. Neither of which show anything below the b**b’s which led me to erroneously believe someone a bit heavier might stroll in. Her photo’s did have what I love btw, a warm cute smile and I loved her phone personality. Not only was she not heavy, she was perfect with a beautiful happy smile and greeting. Now, being that I’ve been on this blog since it’s inception as well as internet dating for 15 yrs I know that there’s no such thing as “LOVE at first site” etc… but for the life of me I can’t remember ever having the warm feeling come over me like it did the other night initially. We sat and chatted effortlessly for 3 hours over sandwiches and drinks and all I can say is, most of you on here have probably never done cocaine (at least not like I did in the 80’s) but I can definitely relate to the parallel in this study. I’m smart enough to know it’s not love and I hesitate to describe what it should be called because it’s more than just physical lust when you’re emotionally connecting with someone  on so many levels your so physically attracted to that quickly without even touching them. It was surreal. It’s the scenario that I, like most online daters dream of. For her it might of just been her “third online date” and that’s all. For me it was magic. So yes like the article says all of those feelings can happen in the brain but it’s not love anymore than the euphoria you feel after a big line of cocaine is happiness. FYI, she texted me later that night and said she’d had a great time. We’ve chatted since and we’re going out next Saturday. Like Evan teaches, I know what to do. She’ll know my interest level and the cards will fall where they may while she’s getting 30 more responses a day online. Now what do you do when your first date is 4 days before Valentines day?

    1. 12.1

      Same exact scenario happened to me except it was a Saturday afternoon.  For me it didn’t have anything to do with sex.  It didn’t even cross my mind.  She just felt like a glove.  It was the closest I’ve been with a woman to call it love at first sight.
      Good luck to you.

      1. 12.1.1

        I’m going through the exact same thing, what to do is still give it time to make sure this persons actions follow by their words. That is my plan, I think we get so used to dealing with the people that have so many issues that we can’t believe we have actually found someone who is normal. Lol

    2. 12.2
      Karmic Equation

      Ask her if she has plans for Valentine’s Day, Dopey 🙂

    3. 12.3

      You share an entertaining story….

  13. 13

    Ha, this just happened to me!  Instant wow! Then within the next 2 weeks I got to know him.  Goodbye!

  14. 14

    Great article and the findings don’t surprise me at all.  It backs up some of the research that we’ve seen about speed dating.  That a person is just as likely to find a compatible person in that context as they are spending a lot of time on numerous dates. 
    If you are arguing if what is described in the article constitutes love or not, I think you’re missing the point.  The word “love” in the English language has several meanings.  I think that is why the author of the article used the phrase “falling in love.”  “Falling in love” usually means the overwhelming, hormonally-induced feelings associated with romance.  Nobody claimed in the article that the feeling was a good basis for a long-term relationship, etc. 
    I’ve been on both sides of things (had relationships with a strong chemical component and others that did not).  My guess is that those of us who have physiologies that are more “hard wired” for love-at-first-sight (and also addiction, I’m guessing), put more emphasis on the feelings generated from the love-at-first-sight reactions, but may also be better able to bond to a relationship because we remain “addicted” to our partners through the magic of chemistry.  I cannot prove this, but I think all of this research is fascinating and I hope it helps people make healthier choices and live and thrive after difficult breakups.

  15. 15
    Christie Hartman

    I’ve worked in the field of addiction for years, and I can say that dopamine is powerful shit. The reward centers of the brain are glutted with dopamine receptors, and these brain areas are the basis of both addictions and “love.” In this case, “love” is more like attraction or infatuation… not the kind of love one feels after being with someone for a long time.
    A reward-driven experience, much like JB experienced, can be very powerful. People differ in how prone they are to seek or be affected by rewarding experiences, like sarahrahrah (14) suggests. With addictions, some of us are prone to them, others are not; likewise, in relationships, some people seek the thrill of the high of intense chemistry, others prefer something less intense.
    To answer Evan’s question, I’ve felt that intense rush at times in my life. I look at it as something to enjoy, but not take too seriously. It’s attraction, not love, and only time will tell if the person is right for you.

  16. 16

    What about couples who are friends first? What about all the times when the other person doesn’t share your feelings? I also think that women are more slightly more likely to give attraction a chance to grow; I’ve known women who grew to love their partners over time, but few men have told me that. They seem to either feel physical attraction, or they don’t.

    The one time I did speed dating, I was only attracted to one guy, and in that situation, I at least had 3 entire minutes! But it was only later that I found out that he had some deal breaker issues, and that would have been impossible to learn in a fifth of a second.

    It bothers me that this study refers to that initial physical attraction as “falling in love.” I think there is a difference between falling in love and actually being in love. The first is about physical attraction and desire, and yes, that can happen quickly and be very powerful, but it takes months or years to really fall in love.

  17. 17

    To JB above, #14….take her ONE PERFECT RED ROSE, for your 2nd date which is 4 days before Valentine’s Day.

  18. 18

    Never had it happen… even with high-school crushes, I had to get to know the person first… never at first sight. WTH is wrong with me 🙂
    @ JB, wow this sounds like a good first date. My first online dates, I used to come prepared for the worst, and, at least half of the time, the guys lived up to my expectations! LOL

  19. 19

    @Donna #17 – That’s a good suggestion. I was also looking for a kind of funny humorous nothing romantic or sexual Valentines day card that was cute etc…. that would make her laugh? I don’t want to over do it or look like I put that much thought into it even though I have….lol

    @Goldie #18 – I tried not to show my excitement and exhuberance but I’m sure I babbled way too much. Even with all my experience and knowledge sometimes I can’t help just “being me”. And yes like you a lot of the time women don’t live up to my expectations and I know sometimes I don’t to theirs as well. That’s the part of online dating we’ve all come to accept.

    The reason I persevere is for the one’s like this. The “feeling” they talk about in the article. The dopamine receptors that Christie talks about are identical when you’re hitting it off with someone,doing cocaine, or if you’re a gambler, winning a big Super Bowl bet. Like Evan teaches and I’ve always known. No matter what happens you don’t have anything and you don’t quit until you have the “let’s take our profiles down discussion”. I know this woman is brand new to online dating and is probably like a kid in a candy store with her 30-40 responses a day. So I just have to take it 1 step at a time. Who knows…..I may go on 1 more date with this woman and never hear from her again because she likes someone new who emailed her and she met this week more. Then “the high” is replaced with “the low” and we all know how that feels 🙁

    I have other “options” they’re just not like her. And online no man has the options equal to what women have. NO MAN.

  20. 20

    I hear everyone when they say to run the other way or at least be skeptical if you feel like you’re with “the one.” But, after a lot of personal growth aided by my 12-step group and therapy, I am seriously wondering if my intuition is much more on the mark now. I went on a date last year and felt like I was with “the one”. I just felt a chemistry with the guy and we’ve been dating ever since– 1yr, 4 mo. so far. From the beginning he did great following up to make plans, being reliable, calling, being honest. So, I have had that feeling a few times, but this is the only time it’s ever amounted to anything. I think that even if it hadn’t I would have exited sooner instead of living in fantasy land. It is a weird feeling, I was with a really wonderful guy for 6 years but I couldn’t get married to him because I felt like I wasn’t being heard and he sometimes didn’t have the best social judgment. It was really sad to let him go, but I didn’t “feel it.” I have lost some wonderful experiences with his family and friends in South America and I am still grieving the loss of the wonderful experiences I had with him. But, I “feel it” with my new guy, we’re having great sex, he continues to be very considerate to me, and we’re having fun going camping and hiking together. So, I’d be interested in hearing about successful “just know it” experiences.

  21. 21

    @ #14

    Thanks so much for this affirmation. I’m definitely one of those predisopsed to the coke habit 🙂

    I’ve only tripped unexpectedly over two partners but my God, my God. Ive never done drugs but I kept saying to myself and my friends that the feelings and addiction and withdrawal and not giving a shit WHAT I had to do/go through/give up/sacrifice to get my fix was….

    it was beyond my control and scary and gorgeous.

    Clearly, nothing came of either situation. One was a selfish stoner and…oh, yeah, the other one was too. But I’ve spent a lot of time investigating what causes this inexplicable random *crazed* reaction in me. I would have honestly clung to either of them until the end of the world, had they not left first. 

    It’s weird but I’m glad to see that it’s somewhat based in science and being aware of it definitely will help me be more careful and kind to myself as I recover. The latter of my two coke habits cheated on me and I seriously thought that I would truly die I was in so much pain. 

    I’m putting myself back together and determining how much “love” I can handle feeling before I back away/run away should this happen again.

    This thread is total food for thought. Thanks, all.  

  22. 22

    Its really funny because I just had that love at 1st sight type of feeling the other day…On top of that I have feeling the girl I met felt the same…btw there’s no telling.

    Anyhow, I appreciate the scientific background you provided about love, for it just shows how powerful it is, and believe it or not love is a force that we all need to have in order to live long happy lives. People without REAL Love in their lives often resort to drugs to try to feel the void.

  23. 23

    Its really disheartening (and demonstrative that scientists are only human as well) to see scientists utilizing incorrect wording.  In fact, this article has been lambasted by a few experts in the field for simply that: utilizing the word “love.” 

    It all comes down to how you define “love.” Currently, in today’s society, we utilize “love” when referring to a subset of love: Romantic love.  And in fact, that phenomenon has only really been around in popular culture since the French came along and started talking about it as such–during the 1400s I believe. 

    “Romantic love” as we define it today, is that “in love” feeling of overwhelming attraction, desire, passion, and “can’t get enough” of the person.  And, as the article indicates, its driven by intense dopamine cascades, oxytocin releases, and so forth.  Basically, its called “getting high” on your own juices–hence the comparison to cocaine-related highs.

    Why do we do this?  Simple…to spur us on to mate and create children. It is NOT meant as a mechanism to choose a life partner and cannot be such. Biologically, we were not meant to mate with only one individual–from a primitive point of view that makes no sense and serious limits the ability of the species to propagate properly and to create proper mixing of the available gene pool. A human species that pair bonds permanently with one mate for children in the distant past would have likely been a disaster and failure.

    Today, this primitive mechanism of mate choice is no longer very necessary, or adequate–because it doesn’t rely on reason, rationality, or any form of REAL emotion. It relies on the psychological effect of becoming, well, basically high.

    During that period of being “high” (adequately defined as obsessive infatuation), you will unconsciously project your ideal characteristics upon this person. This person becomes everything you ever wanted, and you will “fit” them into the mold you desire inside your own head.  Even characteristics that would be annoying, values that are not compatible, and so forth will be explained away with self-derived excuses that to an outside observer who is not in this state could even be termed ridiculous. Warning signs will be ignored…because just like a drug addict, you will need your next “hit.”  This all makes sense from a primitive standpoint…the “high” was there to maintain the pair bond and the ideation of the partner long enough to have a child.  Biology doesn’t care what makes sense or what would make you content long-term–it simply drives you to have that child and continue the species.

    Then, like any drug you are exposed to over time, you need more and more to get any effect.  Eventually, you CAN’T get the effect…you can’t really get high any longer from that source.  You begin to actually notice the incompatibilities and flaws in your partner.  You begin to see them not as your ideation has made them out to be in your mind, but as they actually are. Disillusionment comes during this phase, when you realize that you aren’t “in love” anymore (if you use the definition MOST people use for this–which comes from that feeling of being high).  

    Primitive humans, at this point, moved on and mated with someone else.  Again, back when propagation of the species was everything, this made complete sense.  Now, with modern society and MORE than enough people to go around…not so much.  With the toils and turbulence of modern life, from a psychological standpoint what most people actually need is a stable life partner to help them deal with life…not a drug (and we can all see what drugs do to people over time…they are ecstatic during the highs, but off the highs, they are miserable as the drug isn’t there for them).

    Its a shame people still make life-partner selections based upon “romantic love” (which, I argue, shouldn’t be called “love” at all in order to give proper credit to emotional states which are much more important and define REAL love). “Romantic love” is a TERRIBLE, AWFUL, HORRIBLE mechanism by which to choose a life partner.  If you are in the throes of such a state, you CAN NOT and WILL NOT make rational decisions about compatibility, LIKABILITY, and any number of things that are essential towards deciding to spend your life with someone. 

    Furthermore, if you are someone who INSISTS that they feel “romantic love” (infatuation, obsession, etc) before getting to know someone, you are, in my opinion, setting yourself up for disappointment.  Because even if you are amazingly lucky enough to score the jackpot and that person who gave you those feelings turns out to be compatible enough to stick around (and you want them to) after the inevitable fade, you are going to end up LONGING for those “highs”…which creates another set of psychological difficulties towards maintaining the relationship.

    Personally, I think its much more important to have a clear head and decide if you LIKE someone…falling into LIKE.  THAT is a much better basis for building TRUE love and caring in a relationship.  I grant you, in this society of hollywood romantic tales and the robotic insistence of everyone around that thinking rationally is a poo-poo on things its not as “dramatic.”  But in my experience, it is 1000% more STABLE and lasting.

    1. 23.1

      I LOVE this response.  It makes so much sense to me. I can relate to it!!!!!

  24. 24


    Unfortunately, many people read the stories, like the one you linked to, and take away something that it isn’t saying.  If you want to use the world “romantic” love (which that article goes to great pains to separate from “passionate” love, which most people don’t do), then this study makes sense.  But what isn’t being taken away from that article, if you understand the ACTUAL study, is that those who maintained that form of “romantic” love were those who accepted that “passionate” love DID fade, and actually WORKED at creating THAT version of “romantic” love (there are too many different definitions of that going around right now–most people see “romantic” love as “passionate” love, and so forth).  

    In other words, the ones from the study who had “romantic” love and were more “satisified” were willing to work to create environments which facilitated such feelings without expecting their partner to CREATE the feeling (just by existing).  Those who faded into “companionate love” were NOT willing to work at facilitating romance, but were also unwilling to give up the relationship (hence, calling it a compromise).

    So, saying you’re unwilling to settle is fine…as long as you are willing to put that effort into CREATING those feelings.  Just hoping to find someone who makes them happen for you is simply saying you are waiting for that study’s defintion of “passionate” love…which will, as the study suggests, only work for you in the short run.

  25. 25

    Well I never even made it to the first date (which was supposed to be Saturday night) as the woman just called me and told me she “sort of connected with somebody” and she said she’s “not the type to date multiple people” even though she said “it’s too early to tell where it may go” yadda yadda yadda………

    Then she said she enjoyed my company and would love to “hang out” and that she’d pay her own way etc…… I was very nice and pretended I was happy for her and told her very politely to “that’s ok but you concentrate on your new guy, and if it doesn’t work out give me a call”. Now I’m smart enough to know there may or may not even be “a guy” but no matter what she’s not attracted to me and I’m not a “friend zone” guy I’m an “end zone” guy or nothing. And being that she has 5 months left on her Match subscription I’m sure I was just “guy #3”. Thus the highest high is replaced by the low 9 days later. A “low” that’s lower than normal because the high was so rare. I’m not shocked because I just had a feeling when she made the date that she had “other things” going on and she’d probably cancel. With 20-30 new responses a day why wouldn’t she. 🙁

    Life goes on…………….and on…………

  26. 26

    [email protected]
    Sorry to hear it didn’t work out for you.  I was hoping to hear the second date was more magical than the first.
    I know it won’t make you feel any better but we’ve all experienced the exact same thing.  I think you hit the nail on the head – she’s in the candy store and with a new shipment of candy hitting her inbox everyday she’s not ready to make a choice now.
    Best advice I can give is to start corresponding with a couple of other women as soon as possible.  
    I’ve had my hopes dashed several times just like you.  It took a while for me to realize that the chemistry level of 10 was blinding me to some fairly obvious red flags that I had ignored because of the initial attraction.
    The “one” is out there, you just need to keep looking!  Best of luck.

  27. 27
    Christie Hartman

    @JB (25): Boo. Sorry to hear that didn’t work out. But I think you handled it really well, and the “low” will wear off. Keep plugging away.
    @P (23): I don’t think romantic love is as bad as you think. In fact, one could argue that it’s a necessity – the high gets them together, then real love keeps them together. You suggest the romantic high is to get people to procreate – absolutely – but it also creates a bond between people who will stick together once the high wears off and raise those offspring they created. Infatuation wanes quickly, and then people can evaluate whether or not their relationship has what it takes to stay the long term.

  28. 28

    I would have to assume that some women get that “high” everyday from the endless emails of adulation they get even before meeting and or hitting it off with anyone. It has to be addictive for them? 38 new emails and 17 new winks everyday has to make the dopamine receptors go crazy especially when a woman is new to online dating. Then when their emails trail off they put up a new pic or change the main pic and the responses increase again. That same woman would walk into a bar or into any one of the “singles events” that are in my area and she’d be lucky to have 2 guys approach her because most men can’t handle that immediate “low” of being rejected. Especially in public.

    The flipside to that is men by and large are so used to being rejected/ignored online that an unreturned email doesn’t even phase us anymore because it’s expected. The “high” for us is just getting an enthusiastic response which is how we get addicted to it. The 49 ignored emails are forgotten quickly when the 50th responds. The 3 bad dates are forgotten when you have the “fun” one. Of course that’s only the beginning………….. I can assure you….LOL

  29. 29


    Years ago and before much reflection (and some research in there 🙂 ) I would have agreed with you.  However, the evidence just simply doesn’t bear out in favor of what you’re saying.  “Romantic love” creates a very TEMPORARY (by necessity as given in my previous postings) and FAKE bond between people.  Its almost entirely chemically created, and created upon a false foundation where the participants (in the throes of such chemical influences) are simply projecting their ideal picture of a partner onto an existing real person who likely doesn’t fit this ideal.  This is why you see people go from finding a particular trait or habit to be “cute”, to being unbelievably annoyed by said habit or trait several years later. By making LIFE decisions during this period, people are making decisions based upon faulty and incorrect inputs.  Its like when people decide to drive when they are intoxicated…it generally doesn’t work out very well (but it seemed like a good idea at the time).  If you’re lucky, you don’t die in the process and neither does anyone else…but the end experience generally isn’t the best in the world.

    That bond you are referring to in your context is generally also chemically created, and exists ONLY to keep a couple together long enough to raise a child long enough for it to begin to contribute and fend for itself (which, contrary to popular belief, in the distant past was not 18…it was in the 6-7 year old range or younger).  Oxytocin is heavily involved here…and it creates that sense of bond only for a while when you’re constantly exposed to the stimulus that creates it.  

    From a psychological standpoint, the LONG term bond that people can possibly create that could last a lifetime is one formed from clear thought and compatible values.  Forming ANY bond while intoxicated (either through external or internal chemicals) is simply the worst crap shoot you can think of. 

    Another piece of information…after childbirth, women (and men) chemically (and in a lot of cases psychologically) bond with the CHILDREN, and the bond between the parents begins the waning process.  Hence, the great number of divorces which take place AFTER children are born among people who hold this kind of chemical bonding in their marriages to be all supreme.  The marriage dies because the glue holding it together is now being chemically driven (in a different way of course) towards the children, NOT the spouses.

  30. 30

    A great book to read on this topic is “Is He Mr. Right?” by Mira Kirshenbaum, which discusses the five dimensions of chemistry… it’s not what you think. That intense sexual chemistry is only one element of chemistry, but she says it is absolutely essential because it only declines as life’s stresses increase.
    It’s a great read for men or women, and I believe it was named that by the publisher because more women than men buy relationship books.  In fact, I’m going to go back and re-read it again, to evaluate my current relationship.

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