How You Can Attract Better Men and Get the Right One to Want to Commit.

Why Progressive and Religious Marriages Are Similar - and Better - Than Others
4 Shares

Mattie is 54.

She’d been married twice – including the most recent one for 22 years – and has had a few short-term relationships after her divorce.

All of her trial and error led Mattie to believe that something was wrong with her – that it was her fault these men were not sticking around.

You’ve probably experienced the same thing.

After a certain number of dates, you tend to internalize these ideas:

  1.   There’s something wrong with me.
  2.   There’s something wrong with men.

That’s what Mattie thought when she came to me.

Then she started embracing my coaching philosophies from Love U:

What happened next was a 180-degree turnaround from her previous 54 years:

Since I was 16 years old, I’ve longed for a lifetime love, someone who loves me as deeply as I love him. But all my relationships failed. Too many times, I fell fast and hard and loved a man more than he loved me. Or, I just never liked him very much.

I’m not a materially wealthy woman but I’ve been basically content with my life…However, when I started online dating, I did so knowing I’d achieved every major goal I’d set for myself—except one. I still had not found a true life partner.

Eventually, it became clear to me that your advice is the bomb. You don’t suggest dating gimmicks, tricks and formulas. Instead, you helped me understand how men think. Your book, “Why He Disappeared,” showed me all the mistakes I’d been making with men, including the two partners I’d briefly dated after separating and including my ex-husband who I married after a two-month courtship—before we really knew each other.

“Finding the One Online” prompted me to get professional photos taken and to rewrite my dating profile. As a result, not a week went by without men on Match, Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid telling me my profile was the best they’d ever read. Sometimes these men weren’t even looking to date me. They just wanted to compliment my profile and photos and tell me that whoever won me over would be a lucky man.

However, I also was honest with myself about the idea of have a long courtship. At my age, and as a Buddhist, while praying, I realized I didn’t want to wait months before knowing a man was my life partner. My MO has always been to “just know,” which, in the past, had always failed me. But I felt I was running out of time. Not only that, I had a personal example of how “just knowing” could work: my parents, who married two months after meeting and stayed happily married for 67 years.

So, I prayed that I would “just know” and feel spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically attracted to a man who would feel the same for me and that we’d stay together for life. Since you said that only 5% of relationships that start off with high chemistry last, I prayed to be in the 5%, believing anything is possible so I might as well pray for what I really want.

However, I still followed your dating suggestions. I messaged and dated men for whom I didn’t feel strong chemistry. I ignored the positives and believed the negatives. I quickly and politely dumped men whose actions (not calling, only texting, not asking for second dates at the end of the first), indicated that they were not that into me. And I kept this up day after day, even when I was frustrated and felt like taking a break from dating. I kept praying and repeatedly lifted myself out of despair by telling myself that as long as I didn’t give up, I’d find my man.

After several months of your coaching, I began to understand your philosophy. I realized that I was leader who wanted a leader as a life partner. I saw that, since I wanted a leader, I’d have to let him lead. This was the exact opposite of how I behaved with my ex-husband, even though, I believe had we known each other better before getting married, we would have chosen not to marry because our fundamental values are so different.

I used to have a long list of what I sought in a mate. It included him being a college graduate. But after reading you advice, I whittled my list down to: We are strongly compatible. He correctly uses capitalization, periods and apostrophes in his dating profile, which was an indication that he can hold a conversation, even if I have to give him a few prompts to get him going. He is consistent in that he treats me very well, does what he says he will do, calls me daily and takes the time to see me and take me out throughout the week. He’s proud to have me meet his friends and family members. Then there was this: He has to be at least 5’ 8.” I’m 5’ 5.”

The day I decided to follow your advice about giving shorter men a chance and changed my height requirement to at least 5’ 7”, I changed my life.

That day I messaged a 5’ 7” 55-year-old high school graduate alpha male. He has been divorced twice and has three adult children.

Evan, he is so much more than I prayed for. He was on the verge of giving up on online dating because he’d only been messaged by scammers seeking money. I was the first real message he’d gotten.

At my request, instead of meeting immediately like he wanted to do, he called me daily for a week. We talked for almost two hours each night. He texted me throughout the day. As you advised, I never initiated contact but responded enthusiastically when he did. By the time we went on our first date, it was like our second or third date. He’s repeatedly thanked me for slowing him down that first week because we got to know each other and because of that, on our first date, he wasn’t as nervous as he would have ordinarily been had we not talked.

He’s Pentecostal and had been praying to meet a woman just like me. He called me crying on the phone one night telling me how happy I make him feel and how much he loves me. He was kind of embarrassed about crying. But I told him it was so sweet. No man has ever shed tears of joy over me and I love the fact that he is sensitive and free with his emotions, while also being highly masculine. I told him so. He’s flat out given me quite a bit of money. When I commented on his generosity, he said I’m the one who’s generous.

Evan, he asked me to marry him. I told him we’ll have to wait until my 16-year-old daughter, who lives with me, graduates from high school in a year and a half. He said to think of him as my husband and ask him for whatever I need and he’ll provide it. Like my father often said about my mother, my man tells me he is “satisfied” with me.

I haven’t changed who I am—far from it. Because of your advice, Evan, I’ve become a better mate than I ever was and I’ve embraced my feminine side. This feels wonderful and so liberating. So wonderful, in fact, that even if this relationship ends, I know I have the ability to attract another good man, the type of man I want. I have evidence of this because my man is the third partner I’ve had since my separation and each one has treated me better than the last.

Meanwhile, I’m focused on making the best of every moment with my man. I feel free and relaxed and confident in our relationship, not like I felt in past relationships—worried and anxious because I didn’t know what he’s thinking and wondered if he’d leave me.

Thank you so much, Evan, for helping me become a woman who can bring this kind of happiness into my life. I tell everyone how much you rock. My man approves of this message. He told me to thank you for helping us meet and to let your readers know what you’ve done for us.  ☺

Mattie spent DECADES wasting time on the wrong men.

With my help, she found the right guy less than a year later.

What did I tell her that turned her life around?

What specific tips did I offer?

How could I get Mattie to stop her cycle of investing in the wrong men and berating herself for months afterwards?

How could I take a jaded woman at the end of her rope and help her find a marriage-oriented man who treated her like gold?

There were three priceless tips I taught Mattie that turned her love life around.

I invite you to join me to learn what they are during my upcoming Facebook Live: How You Can Attract Better Men and Get the Right One to Want to Commit.

Not only will I teach you what helped Mattie but I’ll also share these powerful thoughts:

  •      Why you should ALWAYS give a good boyfriend the benefit of the doubt – and break up with anyone who’s not a good boyfriend.
  •      What qualities you should compromise on, and which qualities you should NEVER compromise on.
  •      Two quick tests to help you evaluate your relationship and figure out if he has what it takes to make you happy forever.

Click here to become my Facebook friend and block out an hour on your calendar at 5:30pm on Thursday, April 25th.

This is a tremendous opportunity to get high-value coaching that will get you what Mattie has from her boyfriend:

This is a tremendous opportunity to get high-value coaching that will get you what Mattie has from her boyfriend

  • Daily texts, emails and phone calls.
  • A man who wants to commit after less than a month of dating.
  • Regular time with each other’s friends and families.
  • Consistent talk about the future.

You want a shot of confidence and the keys to a successful relationship – in just one hour?

Click here to learn “How You Can Attract Better Men and Get the Right One to Want to Commit.”

When the live event is over, I’ll tell you all about the tremendous opportunity you have to enroll in Love U and get the happiness you so richly deserve.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

Join our conversation (21 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.

Comments:

  1. 1
    Noone45

    Hm, I thought this was reality dating. Wouldn’t the answer be “be under 35, thin, blonde, and have no children” lol.

  2. 2
    No Name To Give

    Good for Mattie! Sounds like she’s done really well.

  3. 3
    Jess

    I have been following this blog for the past few years, and the topic of education comes up quite a bit. Evan has suggested that education level does not matter, but I’m still not sure, and this is not about titles and vanity. Someone who has a graduate/advanced degree is very likely to have different life experiences and values than someone who dropped out of high school, and that difference is not always complementary. I’m curious what Evan thinks about a large education gap (not talking about Bachelor vs. Master degree).

  4. 4
    Amanda

    Noooooooooo! She still hasn’t got it. She’s Buddhist; he’s Pentecostal. They’re both still ducking and weaving around that big red flag waving in their faces, so they can carry on with their preferred method of falling in love with an idea of the other.

    1. 4.1
      Noone45

      Yep, I was raised Pentecostal (atheist now). I promise if he’s practicing, he’ll be trying to “save” her in no time.

  5. 5
    Susie

    Why would a man dump the girl of his dreams?

  6. 6
    Susie

    Yes. My “problem” too. I have a MBA; he dropped out of high school. He went on to be a very successful owner of a construction company, but often comments on our educational differences. I think he still feels inferior because he doesn’t have a college education. Our formal educational differences in my opinion don’t matter. I have told him he was born with natural intelligence…he says he just has common sense. I feel a deep connection to him in my very core.

  7. 7
    Pada

    My first time commenting here so please bear with me, as I chime in. When it comes to dating, I always like to say it out loud and think that it is men  that auditions for their role in a woman’s life, not the other way around.

    As women, we have to love what we see in the mirror and we have to want to date ourselves before anyone else.   If not, why should we expect anyone else to want to date us, if we ambivalent ourselves.

    Because at the end of the day, when we understand ourselves from the inside out, we understand that happiness exists from within, and that there is no need to go searching for it in someone else.

    When we don’t understand any of this, we make life harder than it needs to be.

    We end up missing out on the big picture and what it means to stay connected.

    Our purpose in life is the very meaning of our existence and without knowing this, we often suffer in loneliness with ignorance of our own significance. Only until we understand our magnificence and value ourselves, then will we ever be able to share our happiness with someone else.

     

     

  8. 8
    Noquay

    Jess
    You’re spot on. I have a doctorate and have tried to date men with a much lower education level and it just never worked out. My core values were always almost diametrically opposed to theirs as was the kind of life I wanted. Add to that differences in how you feel kids should be raised, what family structure should look like, ways of thinking, even little stuff like preferences in music, art, literature, entertainment, and it quickly became an impossibility. Some folk say you have to downplay your education but just the way I speak, what I do, makes my education level obvious. I came from an uneducated family and was the only one to even make it through high school, was the only one to be financially responsible and drug/alcohol free. At first uneducated men admire that you lifted yourself up, then they resent it. I admit I am not willing to adopt a lifestyle and way of thinking that I struggled long and hard to put behind me. It’s not even a matter of competing with them as my skill set is very different than theirs. It used to be that uneducated folk worked hard to better themselves. Had an older friend, a mine organizer that taught himself English, to read, had an extensive library, was active in his community, stood proud. Now for most it’s cheap bars and television. I only did/do well in rships with men that were older and equally educated or nearly so. I can express myself freely without chastisement and intelligent, well reasoned conversation is worth more than gold as is a thoughtful, healthy, lifestyle that fits my values. Though such are rare, I’d far rather hold out for one of them than live a life I do not want.

  9. 9
    Lars

    As a man that is still youthfully attractive. I have a high school education. Yet I’m a marketing professional. I’m also skilled in loads of ancillary interests. From data analytics for SEO and SEM to simply sewing at home. Yes. I even own a serger. I was with a woman for 7 years. I supported her despite her flaws and shortcomings. And while she felt her associates was something special, I did two things. One, I kept my opinion to myself, and two, I kept my opinion to myself. If a woman is better than me, fine. I’m an open cup. But I’m a different kind of man. I’ve been a writer for years. I’m working on a novel now. Aeroplane City. When the day is over, a woman wants to feel protected. That is everything to a woman. If a man feels inferior by her education. That’s on him but her instinct will kick in and she won’t feel for him what she wants because he decided he was weak.

    I for one am not impressed by schooling. I can be. But o a whole… a smart person sees it for what it is.

    Lars

  10. 10
    Jess

    @Noquay, thanks for sharing your experience, which is somewhat similar to mine. I like how you said ” It’s not even a matter of competing with them as my skill set is very different than theirs.”, that’s been my thinking too. But based on my personal experience, the core values tend to be different between someone who pursued higher ed vs. someone who dropped out. As you’ve pointed out, those values often affect your personal relationships, for instance how you spend your money, how you want to raise your kids, etc.

  11. 11
    Pada

    @Susie 6
    It’s great @Susie 6 is humbled and modest about her academic achievements and not throwing it around to make her superior than her partner or anyone else for that matter. I believe that when women who knows how to appreciate their partner and not throw their advanced degree(s) in their partner’s face, helps build up the relationship and the confidence in their partner by simply appreciating their partners successes that are in different areas and their overall area of strengthS.

    As Evan continues to teach me and all of us how to better understand men, I’d like to share that for the most men I know, they men don’t measure their smartness or level of intelligence through academia, or at least as not as much as women do. If anything, I like to think that men measure their successes and intelligence based on how the success of their relationship with their partner but mainly, on how well they can provide, protect, and care for their partner and family. Once they are success in their career and happy with the money they are making, they are more than willing to give and make their SO and children happy.

    Awhile back, I read that according to the Times, women continues out number men in the enrollment rate entering college and receiving an advanced degree. Also, that in 2012, 34% more women than men graduated from a four-year colleges. This number gets even worse when it comes to graduate degrees between men and women. Women continues to exceed far ahead of men in pursuing and achieving higher education aka advanced degrees.

    So, then it is no wonder why ladies like myself who are in our 40s, struggle
    to find someone if same level of college education. We shouldn’t be surprised that many men we will meet won’t have a four year college degree, let alone a Masters degree, or beyond, and it’s not to say one partner is superior than the other or smarter than the other.

    If some of us are gung-ho about adamantly dating someone who has to have a college degree, I wish them very best of luck. For those women who thinks this is bad, just imagine how worse off our younger generation of ladies of the millennials must be facing, assuming if they expect to meet a guy with an advance degree or a four-college degree. I don’t have any numbers or studies to back me up on my assumption of the millennials and gender gap regarding education, but I can only imagine, the difference in the gender gap is probably even worse and more widened than ours.

    Thankfully, there are do exist many of us women don’t have this as a deal breaker. Imagine that???? How limited their options will be.

  12. 12
    sylvana

    Lars,

    you’re also not American, are you? (I’m guessing by the first name – sounds Dutch or German, etc. to me). I might be wrong, though.

    I find there is a huge difference in attitudes between American and European men.

  13. 13
    No Name To Give

    I did say good for Mattie and I stand by that. But I’m not sure I want to “get” a man to commit. If he doesn’t want to of his own free will then it’s not worth my time or his. He should move on to find a woman he wants to commit to, and if you pay attention, you can usually tell. I’d rather be by myself than Ms. Right Now.

  14. 14
    MilkyMae

    When online dating, I’ve noticed that many people embellish their college education. Men do it boost their dating cred and women do it to discourage the GED types. It may be more common than lying about height and it’s easier to pull off. It’s like the real job market but you don’t have an HR department to verify. You can’t demand to see college transcripts. I’ve met men who claim to have business administration or criminal justice degrees from a for-profit online college I’ve never heard of. Also, some of these college educated men were uber drivers and bartenders. Only 30% of the population has a college degree and available men with college degrees are not easy to find unless you meet them in school or on the job. Plus, a fake graduate is probably much worse than dating non-graduate.

  15. 15
    Yet Another Guy

    @MilkyMae

    “When online dating, I’ve noticed that many people embellish their college education. Men do it boost their dating cred and women do it to discourage the GED types.”

    Apparently, men inflating their academic credentials is as common as men inflating their height on dating sites. A lot of the women I have met were shocked to discover I actually hold a graduate degree (that and I am actually the height that I claim to be on my profile). On the flip side, I have encountered women who claimed to hold a bachelor’s degree when they hold two associate degrees (same amount of time, different requirements). I have also met a couple of women who hold PharmBS degrees who claim to hold a graduate degree when the graduate equivalent of a PharmBS is the 6-year PharmD program. The reality is that online dating is a crucible for men and women who are looking to date up.

  16. 16
    Chris

    Education also represents social status, something women place a much higher emphasis on than men.

  17. 17
    Lurking

    Here we go again.  Another ‘success story” where the man is high school educated, and has three kids. I am baggage free and asset rich. I guess the pattern is clear- EMK has been doing this for ten plus years. I assiduously perfected myself to attract the best mate. Now its late- and every *available* man has hella baggage. Adjust expectations.  I guess this is binary- its either this or alone. hmmmm. Just not gonna combine my finances, but get emotional and physical needs met.

    1. 17.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      If you “assiduously perfected” yourself to attract the best mate, you wouldn’t be lurking on this site for ten plus years. You’d be happily married. Evidently, the perfect person you’ve become is either not attractive to the 10% of men who are good husband material OR you still haven’t figured out, despite your perfection, on how to choose one of these men. Nothing is binary, Lurking – only your belief that you “settle” or remain alone.

  18. 18
    Mina Harker

    Lurking,
    You’re sort of proving Evans point though – men don’t necarsarily feel attraction to the same qualities women do – and therefore you’ve made yourself into the person you WANT men to feel attracted to, not the one they do. It’s be much more helpful to see men as lovely open minded in this way rather than bemoaning their lack of snobbishnes – and maybe even take a leaf from their book.

    1. 18.1
      Lurking

      Mina, men with three kids are very attracted to me. Trust. My in box was filled with them, and the few I dated were trying to make it permanent. Childless women with divorced dads isn’t a really fair trade. Check out the childless stepmom blog and find out yourself.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *