Dating a Younger Man in Your 40s: What do Guys in Their 20s Want With Women in Their 40s?

a smiling mature woman with red pen on her hand

I am in my mid-forties and I have been online dating off and on for about 2 ½ years and dating in general for 4 years. I am a year and a half out of a relationship and in that time, I have found only one guy I was interested in but he did the vanishing act. I have probably more dates than the average woman and I just can’t seem to find a guy I want to date. I am often told I am beautiful and I look about 10 years younger than I my age. I get contacted by a fair number of guys in their 20’s and most I don’t respond to because I just feel it won’t go anywhere. Recently, however, I was contacted by a guy in his mid-twenties and I was impressed by his profile…he’s mature, intelligent, articulate and attractive. I started up a correspondence with him. I was curious. But I still feel that maybe it’s a mistake…what do I really have in common with this guy? After all, I am twenty years older than he is. 

In your opinion, what do guys in their twenties really expect and/or want when contacting an older woman?  The youngest guy I have ever been out with is 33. 

Thanks for your insight. I really enjoy reading your blog and I feel that of many so-called dating experts that you are right on!


Thanks, Coug–, uh Carla. As a so-called dating expert, I really appreciate the kind words!

Which is why I’m sure you’re going to be completely receptive to this:

You’re wasting your time with this kid.

Okay, that’s not fair. Let me use more words to say it:

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you’re most likely wasting your time dating a younger man

However, if you feel like you’re looking for good, clean (and not-so-clean) fun with a young stallion, you can have an amazing time. In fact, I would encourage you to do so. And take lots of pictures.

Why Dating a Younger Man in Your 40s is a Doomed Relationship

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you’re most likely wasting your time with this kid. However, if you’re looking for good, clean (and not-so-clean) fun with a young stallion, you can have an amazing time.

See, I’m not here to set the rules for society. I’m here to observe society and report back to you how things USUALLY work out. And for every Demi and Ashton (Celebrities, They’re Just Like Us!), there are thousands of other instances of cross-generational relationships that die a quick, painless death. Why? Because he was born in the 80’s, right about the time that you were losing your virginity in college. Because he’s been in the workforce for oh, about four years. Because he may be a great communicator, mature for his age, and relationship minded, but he’s also, y’know, a BABY.

You know how I know this? Because I’M that guy. I’ve ALWAYS loved older women. I was with a 35-year-old woman when I was 20. As a younger guy, I used to flirt with my mom’s friends. And when all my friends would make fun of me and say, “Why would you date an older woman when you could date younger women?” I’d say, “Why would you date a younger woman when you can date an older woman?” As far as I’m concerned, every woman is better at 28 than at 23, better at 33 than at 28, and so on. 

Now, there is a flaw in this system – the biological clock — which is much worse at 38 than at 23. This is a valid concern to men looking to have families, so let’s not overlook it. But still, I’m a big proponent of life experience and wisdom. Older women are AWESOME in this guy’s book.

So even if this young man’s interest in you is completely pure, even if he wants to have a real relationship with you despite an age gap of 12 years, you guys are most likely doomed. If he wants to have kids. Or go clubbing at night. Or switch careers a few more times. Or do normal things like twentysomethings do. You’re at the home buying, 401K saving, family planning phase of life — for MOST 46-year-olds. Hey, if you still have the juice to hang with kids, go crazy.

There’s a very good reason that you don’t see many 25 year old men with 45 year old women.

It just seems far more likely that a) he’s bragging to his friends that he might get to sleep with a woman 20 years older than himself, or b) you guys really might be compatible if only he were significantly older or you were significantly younger. But he’s not. And you’re not. Put another way, there’s a very good reason that you don’t see many 25-year-old men with 45-year-old women. According to Wikipedia, only 1.7% of marriages have a wife who is 10+ years older than her husband. 

A Caveat Which I Must Acknowledge…

However, if neither of you desires children, then you have a far better chance. But presuming he does, if I were you, Carla, I’d probably have some fun. Go in with your eyes open and appreciate the experience for what it is — a dalliance with the youthful exuberance of your past. 

Enjoy it while it lasts.

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  1. 1
    Marc F.

    “What do guys in their twenties really expect and/or want when contacting an older woman?”

    To get laid! Plain and simple. Maybe not all of them, and maybe not this particular guy, but most guys in their 20s think an older woman is easier and hornier than women their own age. That’s what I thought when I was a schmucky 20 something, and so did my friends. I would proceed with caution, if you’re looking for something more than a fling with a young stud.

    1. 1.1

      Wow really???

      So I’ll wait to get in the age 40 then..

      Lol just kidding

      1. 1.1.1

        why waiting now its better

    2. 1.2
      Shanon Henderson

      I must agree with you, because I’m a 43 year old woman who’s seeing a 25 year old man.   I can’t stop thinking about the amazing time we have when we’re together!!! But I would never take him seriously because of the huge age gap and he deserves a normal future that I can’t be apart of (getting married and having children). The twist here is that he wants more from me than a good time, which is all I want. From day one we both agreed to just be “special friends” but he’s pressuring me for more and wants me to meet his family. I am too embarrassed to have a public relationship with this young man but don’t want to end what we have…..soooo much fun!!!!!!!!!!!!

      1. 1.2.1
        minerva H perez

        I had a very similar relationship.   He took me to his home to meet his brothers, cousins. His mother lived out to far, but knew of me.   I looked a lot younger than my age, which I looked closer to his.   He took me places, we enjoyed times together. Private and public. I had children and grand child, which we lived together for a short time. He was married and divorce, but he hat told me .   Then we had problems of his jealousies. We broke it off and he looked for me again. Found out later he was a father again, only because I ran into him.   Saw him one night and said he wanted to get back with me. Had come to ask me to go away with him.   Didn’t believe him. Stepping away from him for ever.   Came back once more 7 yrs., later again wanting me to go away with him.   I chose not to go on with him ever. Didn’t trust him as I learned not to trust my ex-husband.   I’m happy and doing well on my own and content.

      2. 1.2.2
        Julia Rakel


        1. Sandra

          Thank you so much for posting because of the new solar eclipse I received a Facebook message from someone I haven’t seen in years and only met once and he is now 25 and I am 45. In his profile pic that with 3 guys and by chance I picked him out but I couldn’t remember exactly how we met or where we met for how long ago until he told me and then some it came back. I actually remember talking to him at the bar and that he had a white shirt on. I asked him, “Why, after all these years are you contacting me now?” His response was,” You know, I really don’t know!”   so I asked him, Did you know This solar eclipse tonight is Destiny?” (The words just fell out of my mouth) He said, Wow! Really? I didn’t know that!” We message back and forth   on facebook for short time following morning what is today   and he   gave me his phone number and now we have just begun communication..

          I don’t have any children so I guess we’re going to figure this out everybody wish me luck!

          and yes I have always dated younger men do to get that they are less likely to have been divorced or with children or have completely let them self go physically and I absolutely love their energy because they can keep up with my energy

        2. Maddey

          I agree totally. She and you are lucky women.

        3. Colette

          Julia I completly undersatnd where you are coming from. My boyfreind is only 24 and I am 49.   He has changed my life.   I have never experianced love like we both have in 26 years. For 26 years I was manipulated and emotionaly abused by a cruel man who is only 5 years older than me. We have four older kids together and as far as im concerned he is nothing more than a sperm donor. I have blocked him on messanger and out of my life for good no contact with him is the only option for my complete recovery from all the mental abuse he has thrown at me over the years. I have major anxiety issues because of my ex and my mum but my boyfreind has eased me through each one with the patience and empathy of a much older man beyond his years. I dont think I could honestly live without him or my kids.   One day at a time.

        4. Colette Sadeghi

          Think i,m going through the same serious connection julia. Its only into the second month but I feel its much more than the honey moon period I keep hearing about. I was with a different nationality and older man for many many years and even though we had kids together and moved to much and went to his country too times their was still no connection with this man. I had no independence or identity i felt in the back ground and not important. My ex stole my dignity my self esteem and he has done the same thing to my three now older daughters. Yet he favours our only son over his girls and I really hate this as hurts them but they have gotten over it now because I love them more than anything in the world. I have now met and are seriously dating a 24 yr old beautifull young man with a good heart who I feel completly safe with and trust which is so important after a lifetime of not feeling safe and even worrying when slept would I actually wake up alive. I am starting a new happier era in my life where I can be me again and dont have fear anymore and look foward to the future instead of fearing it and worried I would be all alone. (incidently my ex is iranian and my new partner is same as me from New Zealand the same as me, is always better to stick with your own kind except if he is rare and a one in a million in most cases situations like mine never work I know this after 25 yrs of heartache)

        5. Kristin Charboneau

          So..I’m 44 and I’m online dating again for the 2nd time…not second dating but second online.   The only response I’ve gotten thus far where I have actually any interest so far is with…you guessed it a 26 year old.   You don’t hear of many tales like yours where it actually led to marriage!   Just wondering what’s your secret to success with the age gap and all??!!

        6. Leigh

          K I’m 43 and the young guy will be 22 in July. He just told me he has liked me for years as he used to stop in and visit with the other kids my daughters age . He had a gf/wife and had a daughter with her but his feelings for me are growing stronger. We talk / text I’ve told him things and so has he we are getting to know each other more now then before. I do like him and so does he a lot but I’ve also told him I’m too old and he doesn’t agree says age is just a number 🙂 I’ve been single a long time and a single mother of 2 kids I have always wanted another one I told him that and he wants another one to or he thought I couldn’t but I told him I can so he’s good either way to have another or not. I feel chemistry the times we have talked and him being around me, also he’s reassured me he will always be there for me . He makes me laugh and if I’m down he makes it better . I have dated an older guy even a younger one 14 or 17 years younger not sure which one and they all didn’t work out even my sons father who is   2 years younger didn’t work I don’t wanna pass up on something that might be amazing and I don’t think he wants to lose me in his life at all. Was not expecting this at all or for him to come forward I’m just minding my own business and living my life Idc if people think I’m too old to have another baby I’ll do tests and make sure 🙂 so here we are it has been good so far let’s see where it goes as he won’t back off till we try . As far as I can tell we have lots in common.

        7. Paige Patnode

          Thank you..I am 45 my boyfriend 22, a marine, and everytime I try to let it go he says no…and “let me decide what is good for me” I have meant his friends. His family,(mom wasnt too happy) I just love being with him… hard to see the looks we get…hard to not think he will eventually want someone his own age…but he pursued me…everyone always assumes the 45 yr old is desparate…I’m not.

        8. Suanette

          You are too old for that grow up woman

        9. Tammy

          I am a 47 yr old woman, my boyfriend of 10 months now is only 25 yrs old. We met at work and became close friends. Shortly after that we were inseparable. We moved I   together and are very much in love. We got a lot of flack from co-workers but we didn’t let them hinder our relationship. I still to this day question our age gap. He wants to get married and would love to have a baby. He has a 4 yr old and I’ve taken on the mom role all over again as I have 2 older boys. I wanted to start my life over alone when I found him however love doesn’t always play by the rules

          My biggest fear is me always being so much older. It scares me but I know I need to live in the moment and enjoy love the way it’s been delivered. This is the first time I’ve allowed love in. His mom is my age and she loves me. She has never judged us. I hope that this inspires others with this age gap to allow love to love despite what society says.

        10. Lebra Davis

          Hi. Congrats and I am also in the same predicament. I never been do happy all my years of living.

        11. Marnie

          I am 49, and dating a 27 yr old guy, and our relationship has gotten pretty serious. .We say the L word. and i know he truly means it when he says it. And so do I. He’s so good to me. is very proud to have me by his side when we’re out in public. He’s so loving and considerate. Opens doors for me . Holds me when we And is an Amazing lover. Very giving . And when I take care of him, he tells me how much he loves that I spoil him.
          We are compatible in so many ways. I have always looked younger than my age and have always preferred younger men, but this is the first time I’ve gotten serious with a guy so much younger then me. But when we are together, no one can tell our age difference. Ive been married 3 times before and I have 2
          adolescent children, and i am most likely not going to be able to have any more children, and he and I have talked about that. I told him that I didn’t want to deprive him of that. But he says he’s not ready for children and may never be. He said he’s looking forward to.the next 20+ years with me. And I want that too. Life is too short to live it unhappily

      3. 1.2.3
        Shante Blanconoe

        Shante’ Blanconoe

        I once felt the same way..I am 43 and Baccauri is 28 yeas old. I get more communication and understanding from him than the other two men in my life. This the third relationship in my life, but the most loving. That actually scares me because I don’t know what I say in the other guys now. I took him to my parents and he calls them on his own now. It’s great!  THE OLD SOUL OF HIS AND MY YOUTHFUL BODY AND MIND hey it works. We balance one another out. Getting married after I am done with my Bachelors in 2 years!

        AGE is a number!

        1. Sandra


        2. colette

          Mine is 24 I am 49. He s like someone much older and I am very childish for my age. Its only been a month. Bit its wonderful.

        3. rowena

          Congratulations Shante it is your time to be happy!!


      4. 1.2.4

        You are VERY VERY lucky that he wants more then just to get laid. Im crazy about a 19 year old and im 42. I know him since he was 15.He is sooo hot but he doesnt want more then for me to suck him off once in awhile and hes ashamed to add me on facebook. But i cant help loving him,. The fact that your   younger guy wants more im jealous. I want   young guys sooo bad. I cant stand older guys.

        1. Cc

          Please let him go you need to know and Feel you deserve better you should only want a man who wants you as much as you do…this is the only way that right one for you will come !

      5. 1.2.5
        Colette Sadeghi

        Shanon maybe you need to get over this ok. I am not ashamed of being out in public with my young man im 49 and he is 24. My ex never liked to be seen in public with me as I was much taller my new man does not care though we are a private couple as much as we can be. You need to get over this pride as it will ruin your life and you may lose him if you keep being embarrassed to be seen with him, obviously have fun but try to relax more ok is way easier trust me I know.

      6. 1.2.6

        Shannon Henderson, I know a man that married a woman 15 years older, for 10+ years now…


      7. 1.2.7

        Hi Shannon.   I am in a relationship exactly like yours.   He wants a future with me, i am 45 he is 27.   He is amazing and we have so much fun together.   We have a connection that cant be explained.   I love him so much.   My brothers who have sons his age will never approve…and he wants kids.   He wd love to get me pregnant he said.   I told him i am thru with menopause and cant get pregnant.   Hell, i am going to enjoy it as long as it lasts.

      8. 1.2.8

        My thoughts exactly! I’m 42, and 33 n younger are so adventurous, and uninhibited, and spontaneous!!! Honestly, I don’t believe in love, and don’t want a relationship. Just honest, good sex, and fun!! That only the younger provide!

      9. 1.2.9
        Tonya Brewer

        Shannon, I just want to say that when I was 28 I met a great man who thought the same way you do because he was 21 years older than me. He didn’t want me to miss out on kids and a “normal life” but I told him that what you think I want. I had a really difficult childhood and wanted someone older that was grounded. Someone I could trust. Luckily for both of us he gave it a chance and over the next few months we had the most amazing sex, talks, dates, and more sex. Now 14 years later we are not only still together we are married and the Happiest Couple I know. So I say even if the guy is 20 years younger than you, and he treats you well and makes you happy take a chance you might just be exactly what he always needs and he may be your soulmate.

        1. D Knights

          Thank you for your positivity.

      10. 1.2.10

        I really feel you on this one. I’m not looking for a relationship with neither one of the younger guys i communicate with,just having [email protected] Henderson.

      11. 1.2.11

        He is in love with you and if you really aren’t in love, you should tell him the truth, but if you both are in love, go ahead. Love is a powerful thing and real. Be brave and strong.

      12. 1.2.12

        Same here lol

      13. 1.2.13
        Lindsey Erp

        Yesssss!!! Girl! I am right there with you! I’m 42, the guy I have been spending time with is 24! And I agree with you, it is so much fun!!!! We are both having a great time and I will enjoy it as long as it lasts!! ✌️

    3. 1.3

      I’d rather fuck a schmucky 20 year old with a great body — than a schmucky frumpy   40 year old man. I was a single mother for 18 years. Last thing I will ever want in this life is one more dumbass or dumbass relationship to take care of. I like schmucky 20 year old cabana boys.

      1. 1.3.1


        Yuck at your nasty assumptions and immature and icky conclusions.

      2. 1.3.2

        Omg you have me laughing my ass off. What you said is sooo true!!   I love your attitude

      3. 1.3.3
        jennifer w

        Ur awesome!   I mean it!

    4. 1.4

      everbody thinks they look 10 years younger you don’t

      1. 1.4.1

        Not “everybody” thinks that. Someone else might say it to them and in some cases it might be true. Besides how do you know how they look? Enough with inane mind reading.

        1. Myrna Kardon

          Exactly. Just cause your a certain age doesn’t mean you look it. If you take care of yourself you can look 20 to 25 yrs younger. I for one love young guys i wouldn’t go with a old guy if you paid me. Old fat gray haired out of shape bore. Noooo thank you!!

    5. 1.5

      Hello Everyone!
      I am glad there are so many out there who are open to “ageless” dating! Cheers to all you loving people.
      I am 27 yr single Indian guy dating a wonderful 49 yr American women. I was always drawn to women older than me as I feel they are more themselves and very easy to open up and communicate about everything life has to offer.
      I have been in awe of her charm and she is the best thing to happen to me. She is so young at her heart and daring that keeps me on my feet admiring and fall for her smile every time I see her.
      She is concerned about the 22 year age difference we have but I have put that I am not concerned about it as we are so happy with each others company and have great sex too. We have Intelligent conversations, funny together and express love in public and love every second I am with her.
      I know that settling together is not possible but I love her for what she is and want to keep “us” both happy.

      1. 1.5.1

        Embrace it together, be brave and strong is you both really love each other and who cares what people says. The point is that you both are in love right, if that so keep up. Live happily and get married if you both like. I wish you both well and have children if you can and it’s not possible you could adopt or just be happy with one another.

        1. Louisa Klimentos

          There are ways by giving hormones to stimulate any overies or use donor eggs . All of this is done doing a UVF programme

    6. 1.6
      Jennifer Coro

      I also ha e three other boys ages 26, 22, 19…. and then our sweet 8 mo th old boy ♡ still together yet sadly y’all are probably correct, and at my age I’m wasting my time, priming him for a much younger woman- ugh thanks guys 🙁

      1. 1.6.1

        Do you both love each other or not? If you both love each other, don’t give up, you will regret it, but if you both don’t love each other and you both are just having fun, then you both can say your fair well goodbyes and don’t waste each other times.

    7. 1.7
      King khan

      5 years ago when I was 27 years old, I married 42 years virgin girl, after one and half years my son born, now he is 3 years old, a lovely, smart and beautiful baby, and we have plan to have another child also in this year. We have a happy life together with my family…

  2. 2

    First, I predict that this thread will be very long.

    Evan made all good points, but I don’t think he answered the question as to why men in their 20s find older women interesting.

    My guess would be greater sexual and emotional intimacy without fear. Women their own age are expecting them to be the man, the leader of the relationship, the decision maker. Somehow that expectation might not be there with a partner who is older. These younger men can relax. They can open themselves up to being more vulnerable and openup to receiving more sexual/psychological pleasure.

    As Evan mentioned, men in their 20s and women in their 40s are both at their sexual peak. Both groups seem more interested in sex and with fewer preliminaries.

    Going down a few notches I think there is also the appeal of the forbidden and the appeal of the trendy, which seem to intersecting right now.

    Speaking only for myself, when I was 14 I found women aged between the mid 30s – mid 40s to be the most interesting. They were easier to talk to. Girls my own age only wanted to talk about music and various brands of beer. Boring! *Women* I met were interested in eastern philosophy, yoga (not trendy back in the stone ages ), literature, sci-fi, etc… The conversations were interesting and these conversations were easily started with these women who were comfortable with being assertive, voicing their ideas. They were good looking too. The complete package. At that time in my life talking to good looking *girls* was still a bit intimidating and when I made the effort I was only rewarded with dull conversations.

    Now that I am within their age range I still find this set of women interesting and I’m guessing that when I am beyond their age range I will still find them interesting.

    The only reasons I date younger women are:

    – these women don’t seem to be out and about in my venues

    – they can’t relax and enjoy a date. They have an agenda and
    interrogate me, looking for signs. They may be subtle to other
    guys but I see through it and it turns me off.

    – they are unconfident about being desirable and that makes them
    act and seem less desirable.

    – they gave up on taking care of themselves…physically and/or

    Still, this group would be my first choice. I just find it so exciting to have conversations with people who understand all of my cultural references and who have their own insights from having lived to add to my own

    1. 2.1

      I think your absolutely right.. what is age these days.. we are all living much longer and healthier lives, 40s is like the new 20s.     It all depends on the person and level of maturity and expectations.   Im 44 years old now just turned last month, and a 26 year old has been pursuing me the last few months.. I must admit I wasn’t sure about it as I never was interested in younger men and cut off age would be 35 for me.   BUT!   after spending much time talking, laughing, and sharing interesting conversations and there is immense attraction Im starting to see things differently.   I don’t see him as a baby but as a mature adult and he is actually much more mature than my ex husband who is 47!!   who acts like a child 99% of the time.   I have a better emotional connection with this younger man!     although.. yes I agree my biological clock is ticking and I have had children my youngest is 13.   I can see that being a problem should he want a family .   I may be able to give him a child but it would only be ONE and that would have to happen pretty quick which I don’t think is possible yet.       So…. time will tell how long this lasts… but for now its very refreshing and effortless relationship.. we click on so many levels and my age has no affect on the compatibility.     Im quite surprised, and I think we are falling for each other.

      1. 2.1.1

        It’s nice to hear others experiencing the same as I am.I’m 44 and my boyfriend is 24.he is the most amazing caring respectful man I’ve ever met.I get dogged so much about our ages but I don’t care, we are happy and that’s all that matters to us..I wish you all the luck.Be happy enjoy that young man. 🙂 I know I am 🙂

        1. Tais

          I am totally agree. Mine bf is 28 and I am 48 He also the most loving and caring. 🙂

        2. Donnelle

          Absolutely true…well im 50 and he is 24 he is so amazing guy and age is no matter as long he is caring and trust we together for year he is a wonderful love not in bed Love is import and our love is beautiful and great communication each other…he is crazy over and love my heart ….i love him ….

        3. Carmen

          If both are of legal age, then age means nothing ! Many women have dated and married men MUCH younger and have been very happy with it. Ladies, if you have this chance then why not enjoy? Forget what others might think or say !   Most of them would do the same. For centuries men have married women who were very young and it is accepted, its time for us women to have equal billing !!

        4. Jay

          That is amazing to hear, I’m 39 and currently speaking to a 22 year old. I find myself lost in conversation with him and he is smart, witty, polite, caring and wonderful on so many levels. He’s more mature than some of the 40 somethings I have dated. I have no children yet and I want some, he also wants to have children with me. The age difference bothers me a lot and I’m a bit apprehensive, but sometimes I think to myself – we only have one life to live, shouldn’t the only thing that matter be our happiness? Men do it all the time, why such a stigma for an older woman and younger man? I’m afraid of the backlash I will receive from people but what if this is the person I was supposed to be with. I think God put us in a place to meet for a reason and I can see myself falling head over heels for him every second of the day. I find myself speaking to men my age and loosing interest. I have a 22 year old man that wants a commitment while I couldn’t get men in their 40’s to commit. I’m certainly conflicted, my mind says one thing but my heart says go for it! I think love wins above all. I hope to read a story about long lasting love despite age. Good luck to all â¤ï¸

        5. Theresa

          I am 43 years old and presently in love with a 25 years old guy.   As it comes first time I feel so good about love and while with him I don’t even feel or see the gap in age.   I find myself to be in line with him…   However, I am sorry to say…I am catholic and he is Hindi….I am african ethnicity and he is an Indian….   I don’t know how long this relationship will go..   but right now am enjoying it… it is nice and I feel good and with hope it lasted…. and he is giving me all the love……

        6. colette

          I totally agree I am dating a 24 yr old lovely man I am 49. Its only the first month but he messages every day we   see each other once a week. My daughters are getting used to the idea. I live with them. I dont know what the future holds. He is just lovely.


      2. 2.1.2
        Lachandra Moody

        LOVE IT!!! At the end of the day we all deserve to be happy.

      3. 2.1.3

        I love the fact i am not the only one that something like this. I am 35 my man is 20 and when i found out i was surprised. He was much more mature then my x that was 35 and any of the older men that tried to pursue me. I dont look 35 so it caught him by surprise when he found out my age. We have a strong connection. We want the same things in a relationship, we are the same when it comes to standards, values, raising. I was amazed at this.

    2. 2.2


      having had experiences with younger men most of my life…I met someone who is 25..I’m 50….yikes! I know!….but emotionally I decided its best to not invest…so….I’m researching these topics and I hv asked many questions and in doing so…it seems the tables are turned. HE…feels secure….comfortable….which allowed HIM…totrust more….be sexually open with NO insecurities

      for me….the sex is fantastic!!!!!

      1. 2.2.1

        I agree on that. Age is only a number if you watch after yourself and take care of your body. 🙂

      2. 2.2.2

        Same I have a 23 and 25 year old fwb I’m 46.   Sex is amazing

      3. 2.2.3
        Henrick Romanov

        Nothing wrong with that.

        I, myself, am pursuing a woman that’s 50. I’m 28. It’s actually far more common than you think.


        Personally? Not about sex or anything else. She’s a wonderful person.

        1. Amy

          My dear man, this article is from 2008? 🤔 I’m feeling a bit like Bella at the moment 😉

      4. 2.2.4

        roxy, some believe, society has been doing it wrong for centuries, maybe, the younger man/mature woman is the way It should be…

    3. 2.3
      oswyn gabuina

      Well said Steve.

      You finally have placed the puzzle together for the trend of frendship.

      It can’t be better said then what you have just mentioned.

      I am a 25 year old married to a 45 year old women.

      I can admit I had a difficult time during my early stages of marriage. Women who rise from a broken up family tend to be better in time.

      They tend to give the best and to be the best…



    4. 2.4

      That’s not always true, I have witnessed real love between young men and older women, even go to their marriage and sex was never involved at first place than love. I am also in love and engaged to someone younger than me and sex isn’t our first concern, neither money. It is about both feeling in love and starting from zero to building a good future and happy life and most importantly happiness and always communication and solve any problems together.

  3. 3

    I have a very close friend in her early 50s who looks AMAZING for her age, plays bass in a rock band, is a very lively active woman with lots of young interests. When I hang out with her very seldom do I feel like I’m with “my mother.”

    She is approached by younger guys, guys in their late 20s, ALL the time for dates. She goes out with some of them. She falls in love with some of them. And in every instance they always say they love her for her and that the age thing doesn’t matter. Until a few months goes by…

    They want to settle down and have a real serious girlfriend they can take home to mom, and all of a sudden it starts to weird them out that my friend could BE their mom. They love hanging with her but are often embarassed to bring her around their friends. In every single case, it’s been, as Evan said, doomed. And it brings a lot of depression to my friend.

    So, in my opinion, stay within your age range and steer clear of the youngins. They just want to play.

    1. 3.1
      don't call me a cougar

      exactly what I went through. Thanks for putting it into the words I needed. Being involved with a guy 20 years younger than me and then realizing, on his part but never saying so, that past the initial excitement in dating he realized he’s not comfortable being openly in my life nor comfortable having me in his openly, it has made me sad and depressed. As a fit, attractive, divorced plus 40 year old woman, absolutely the only guys who hit on me are in their 20’s. Frankly, my little heart can’t take anymore so I’m just writing men off entirely. There’s more to life than being sad and I choose to not risk the pain any longer.

      There’s many worse things than being alone.

      1. 3.1.1

        don’t feel so doomed.. love is always a risk!   with anyone at any age.

        Maybe don’t take the younger ones too seriously?   just take it a day at a time.

        It all depends on the person.. if that younger man doesn’t ever want to settle down and no kids then its all possible!

        1. don't call me a cougar

          havent been on any dates, but I’m rethinking my stance xoxo

        2. roxy


          yes….please….study yoga….paint…..meditation….look INWARD for true happiness…..the rest is for playfulness….true love will happen when it happens

          dont stress….KNOW that you ARE truly beautiful without a man as you are with

      2. 3.1.2

        Don’t worry – I’m 48 and have dated guys in their 20s – They feel perfectly comfortable taking me home to meet their families – probably because I already met them before we started dating at a rock concert or gym or some other venue that we had in common.   It’s hard to say your not compatible when you keep running into each other at the same venues and find each other attractive before you even know what your ages are.   I’m not sorry that I haven’t conformed to societies expectations and still go out hiking, camping, rock concerts, dancing, karaokeing and other activities that younger people are also interested in instead of sitting in a rocking chair and knitting a sweater, or worrying over my 401 , or whatever Marc said all “old” ladies are expected to do.   Dang it all that men in their 20s find me attractive –  And I find them attractive back.   I guess I’m not into wrinkles, beer bellies, bad teeth and someone who thinks my place is barefoot in the kitchen. The young ones are more progressive and I like that. So when the right one comes along – age shouldn’t be a factor.




        1. don't call me a cougar

          Thanks so much for the encouragement. xoxo

        2. D.Taylor

          I’m feeling u on that now,when the right one comes along age shouldn’t matter if its legal I never thought I would be saying this,but I’m falling for a 23 yr old and I’m in my mid forty’s… Wow!! Go for it…don’t call me a cougar..😃

        3. Sandra


        4. BettyMae Aquino

          very inspirational!!!! Thank you for all of your thoughts

        5. Rara

          Yes is true I am 47 falling into 27 we connect long distance we FaceTime 24/7 we sleep even on wassap everyday, we wake up together , he don’t act 27 his very mature, he taking care of me like men financially too, very loyal he spoil me , he pay my boob job, he pay my car , I don’t ask but he want to be man we been six month together, we visit each other one a month he plan to move soon and I think love is not because the age is depend every one different but I said long you both love and happy is doesn’t matter

        6. KFBL

          Quite right there you are. Age is just a number while is a legal age. I hope you find the right one and both live happily ever after as I am with my younge Fiancee soon to be husband and we are both in love, we respect each other and communicate a lot and solve problems together. Our bonds have became more stronger and we are proud of each other. We are starting from Zero to the top. We were friends, then best friends and now about to get married. Remember the man who comes to you should be respectful and not be with you for sex, but be patient and love you for the real you and admire you and show each other love and make love and enjoy that moment looking at each other, it could be hugging, kissing, touching each other hands or so, this is really different than just sex and seeking only for that sexual feeling, don’t get confused. All the best and enjoy the activities you do. Go girl x

        7. KFBL

          I love the same activities too btw. I hope you find that someone who loves you and appreciated you for who you really are and live happily ever after and remember age is just a number as long it is a legal age x

      3. 3.1.3

        Please do not give up. I was 25 when I met my wife who was then then 40. We lived together for 10 years before marriage and yes we invited all who could come from both families and friends and we married in a tiny rural  church  near Girona, Spain. I lost my father very soon afterwards and we had no honeymoon but  I turned 66 last month and we are still married and have 2 homes, but no children. Neither of us is the slightest worried by that fact, and we have travelled over all of Europe and to America. When we see the problems children have brought for my wife’s sister and her cousin, perhaps we were right to adopt this approach! Keep your figure, your sense of humour, and be ready to try new things. There is a younger man out there for you if you want him!!


        1. roxy

          BEAUTIFUL story….thank you for sharing

        2. Marie

          Thank you David for such a beautiful story. I am 46 and look 36. I have always resisted dating younger men because I didn’t think they were serious. I recently met someone who is 31, exceptionally smart, mature, arty, and everything I’ve been looking for in a man. He has pursued me knowing my age, but I have resisted because of my belief that this could never work. I am now rethinking it…

        3. LoLo

          Wow!!   Thanks David for the feedback and it really puts things in perspective for me.   Live and Let Live I say!



        4. Jay

          thank you David â¤ï¸ðŸ™ðŸ½ what an amazing story.

        5. Sandra


        6. rowena

          Great stuff David!!

          I’v dated a guy which was 9 years younger than me…     Wow!! he was so caring, sensitive, considerate, treated me with respect, was never worried about people… I loved that guy for decades…we broke up because of distance. Thinking about it today.. i feel i could have done more…He waited for me for almost ten years and then got married!

          His name was also DAVID!!!

      4. 3.1.4

        I feel you. I had a couple of serious rel’ships with guys in their 20s, when I was in my early 40s. Decided I’d never do THAT again. Then I found out, the 38 yr old I was living with for a while..was LESS mature than the 20 somethings I had dated before. Then I found someone my own age. He ended up being a shady liar..thankfully I nipped that in the bud after 3 months.

        When this 29 yr old contacted me on OKCupid, I wasn’t going to reply, but he was so adorable, and his profile was clever. I thought I could keep it casual. Ha! SIX MONTHS LATER..

        We both have feelings for each other, but he thinks we are doomed. See..these 20 somethings, if they’re forward-thinking..they won’t see you as someone with longterm rel’ship potential, least with this guy..he wants the OPTION of being able to have kids. He doesn’t want kids NOW, but he thinks he needs to find someone closer to his own age, so he can do it if he wants.

        Meanwehile, I’m heartbroken. He says he misses me but I’m not gonna put up wih just being a temporary gf til he finds someone his own age. I can’t do it.

        Not sure what the solution is for those of us in our 40s (I’m 48). You’re right..if you look good for your age, odds are, it’s MAINLY 20-something men approaching you. And it can be hard to turn them down. They are a lot of fun, and the sex is great.

        But too many of us are getting our hearts broken 🙁

        1. Leela Salt

          That’s why you play with the young ones while your looking for a older man to have a relationship with. I am 54 play with 20+ Yr Olds but I have no illusions about a relationship with one of them. Have fun with it.

      5. 3.1.5
        Sandra Wade

        I can totally relate. I look so much younger and I can’t seem to find a guy my own age who isn’t psycho or unstable..only guys in their 20s hit on me   I’ve had relationships with quite a few much younger guys now and it never ends well. I am just giving up.

      6. 3.1.6

        That’s so sad. I am sure you’re amazing And will find the one you’re supposed to be with!

      7. 3.1.7

        I feel your heart. My experience has been similar. It’s as though I’m rewarded for having charisma , a positive outlook on life and being fairly fit by either attracting young’ins or bitter men who want to possess me and shelve me. No thanks to Mr. Bitterkins! The young folks are interesting however, when it’s time for the rubber to meet the road , they chicken out. I’m near doing the man write off too. So sad but I’ve overcome too much and come too far to let my heart suffer perpetually. I will have to learn to enjoy aloneness. I’m happy I have my health

  4. 4

    I was 44 when I met my now-husband. He was 33. The 11-year age difference has made very little difference in our relationship. He is kind of an old soul and had no desire to have kids. I don’t have or want kids either, and he was delighted to be dating someone who did NOT have the whole desperate marriage-and-kids agenda (as women his age definitely did). The only real difference I’ve noticed is where we are in our careers relative to each other. I am entering my peak years, starting to think about retiring in ten years if all goes well, and he is still in the building phase. Sometimes I find myself mentoring him and I need to step back and cut it out unless he’s asked for suggestions or advice. He has more energy than I do, but not enough to create problems. That said, we are only 11 years apart, not twenty-five.

    Would I have dated a 20-year-old when I was 43? Well, I went out with a couple 29-year-olds… the lower age limit of the guys who asked… and we didn’t click. Guys in their twenties were, to me, terribly earnest and always seemed to be trying to prove how cool and mature they were. It usually wound up being more amusing to me than anything. I just couldn’t take them seriously. I would refer to them as “the lads” or “young master So-and-So” to my friends, who teased me about my boy toys. But if this particular guy you are impressed with wants to take you out on a date, go. What do you have to lose? Have dinner with him, see if he’s for real. You never know who the great love of your life is going to be. I certainly wasn’t expecting mine to be a never-married, still-partying hearty guy in his early 30s; but he’s grown up a lot, and I’ve stayed open minded, and we get along like a house on fire. I truly do expect to be with him until death do us part.

  5. 5


    Ditto on Damie’s & Evan’s warning. I’ve felt and reacted the way the men Damie’s friend dated responded. If you want to avoid getting hurt don’t expect anything more than hot sex and friendship from a younger a much younger guy.

  6. 6

    I believe men have a biological clock too. Men in their 20’s & 30’s may say they don’t want kids (or may mistakenly believe they are sterile) but may start to feel otherwise as they approach 40. If you are a woman in her 40’s-60’s you are biologically done with that, and may well not want to start the childrearing process through adoption either. Something to think about when contemplating dating someone much younger with LTR in mind.

    Also, at any age you might find you relate well to an individual(s) who are much younger, but come to find out not on every level. The 20’s are such a decade of change, it shouldn’t come as a surprise (but often does) that a younger partner “outgrows you”, the relationship that was fine for awhile no longer is. This happened to two of my late-30’s friends, who found their “soulmate” with someone in his early 20’s. Each relationship lasted less than 2 yrs.

    If a dalliance is okay go for it. But if you are wistful for someone to grow old with, dating out of your generation is not an ideal place to look. For both genders.

  7. 7

    Selena Feb 28th 2008 at 01:29 pm 6
    If you are a woman in her 40’s-60’s you are biologically done with that, and may well not want to start the childrearing process through adoption either.

    If I go to ( or any site ) and set the filter to only return women who do not want children I will get hardly any adds back. I see many adds from women in their late 30’s -> mid 40’s who put down “undecided” for “Want kids?” Who are they kidding? Fertility treatments are brutal, expensive, and they don’t work as well as everyone thinks. Adoption takes years of bureaucracy and frustration. Nothing against women who don’t have children. That is what I am looking for.

    1. 7.1

      To both posts about fertility being gone in a women who is 40–are you guys kidding me ? I am 44, almost 45, still have a period and am still fertile. (even though I WISH I weren’t) menopause hits women at different times. But rarely in the 40’s.

      1. 7.1.1

        I’m right with you, Cindy.

        1. Rachel

          yes so true!   look at Halle Berry having a child at age 46 and Kelly Preston at age 49!   I wouldn’t attempt it but its all possible!

      2. 7.1.2

        We have different genes by one creator, In the mid 40’s in our country Female still give birth.   And yes you are right.


        I had no doubt   having relationship with a Lady of mid 40’s (which is she’s not married) , I tell this because we have   both   respect each other!!! We have different cultures but shes older then me with a gap of 19 years.. My partner used “say this , I’m attractive, I can fishing around, etc with girl on my age. But what about “TRUST”???




      3. 7.1.3

        Absolutely   agree with you!   I worked with an OBGYN and we had patients   that were close to 50 and still had a normal pregnancy.   Sure, the risks are higher in every aspect, but it is not impossible. I am 44 and have an IUD that the Dr recommended so I would not get pregnant.   I think one the biggest issues would be starting fresh.   Raising a baby when you have adult kids (over 18).   The worse regret is regretting   not doing something.   I think giving someone much younger a chance is ok, just go in with an open mind knowing the relationship might end faster than expected.   What matters is the maturity   level of the person and what their stance in life is.   You never know, maybe the guy might change their mind about having kids.   Maybe it will be a pretty   good relationship   to be in.   You can’t   knock it til you give it a try.

      4. 7.1.4

        …yes indeed Cindy! …My husband and I decided to have children, and within the first two two months I was pregnant… I was 40 with my first, and 41 with my second (17 months apart from birth to birth)…   At age 52, I still have a period and am still fertile..

        I have been a single soul parent for a few years, as well as busy building my business and put romance on the back burner so to speak…until

        I am a youthful, active, attractive, happy, fun and healthy single Mom with two boys ages 11 and 10. I have enjoyed conversations with a 25 year old over the last 8 months (as attractive and enjoyable our brief encounters, never did I consider a potential anything past talking due to his age – we are 26 years apart). Until one day, he came by and completely shocked me with his unwavering confidence and desire to be intimate…I thought he was joking, and could not for the life of me comprehend this shift in our friendship, even laughed…and even nicely “scolded” him…but his determination and desire remained full throttle… and suddenly I realized he really was for real…

        We have since had a total blast enjoying our time together on every level… we take it one day at a time as well as touch basis with our emotions one day at time… For now, we keep this new path in our relationship private and from my children as well.

        Our friendship is most cherished first and foremost, but My Goodness… the intimacy, the sex, the love making – what a TOTAL pleasurable blast – I have had more fun and have felt more comfortable than ever in my adult life…

        We enjoy our company together and simply let things take their toll and enjoy the NOW…exploring life and the awe of it all and sharing our appreciation and curiosities, emotions…laughing along the way… and pleasing one another along the way… We don’t own it, we just allow it…

        …We are both ok with not knowing How Long this will last…for it is so very awesome right now. We are both aware that anything could change at any time (such as Life in General), and assure one another through open communication….

        The benefits are mutual in both extremely distinctly different ways, as well as extremely similar…   I am grateful that this young man pursued me as he did and that I eventually opened up to it all… It has been a while that I felt like a Woman, desired, admired, beautiful, and appreciated… I am more relaxed, feel sexy, and am getting back into my prime physical shape …lol… and my business is flourishing… And most important, I enjoy myself when I am with him…and I smile…a lot.

        Balance is a delicate dance…and when there is balance… happiness spawns like wildflowers…lol… and many more wonderful things seem to come one’s way…

        Happy Journey to all!



      5. 7.1.5

        I had my son at 43 with no problem at all. My sister is 30 & has tried every treatment possible to get pregnant. Its a gamble at any age. Just higher percentage as we age.

    2. 7.2
      Jessi D

      Women in their late 30’s-mid 40’s haven’t gone through menopause.   As a 43 yr old I assure you I’m quite fertile. I have one child and though I do not want more IF I was with a man who wanted one and I was in love I wouldn’t rule it out.   I think women in the range you mentioned would feel the same.

      1. 7.2.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        No doctor would tell you that you’re “quite fertile” at 43. Statistically, you have a 1% chance. Looking good, feeling healthy and wishful thinking do not make a baby.

        1. gabriel


        2. Ginger

          Im 55..and im dating a 25 yr old guy..his last gf was 49, and it lasted them 2 yrs..age is just a number..people need to stop tripping out on that..and if two individuals like it each shudnt matter.

        3. annie

          I come from a Québécois Catholic background, which means my grandmother, and all the women in Quebec churches in those days, had between 10-20 kids. (I know one who had 22!) Most of these women were over forty when giving birth to the last ones. If was not a rare thing at all.

        4. Geneva Dudley

          Everyone is not the same. This is some women not all. Mind over matter I say. If you’re healthy you can do it.

        5. Paula

          This is an absolutely shocking reply. Where do you get your “1% chance” statistics from…. the dark ages? I’d like to see the medical statistics that back up your claim. What utter, complete bollocks!

        6. Paula

          Since when does a 43 year old woman have a “1% chance” of getting pregnant? I’d like to see the source for this completely misinformed and false statistic!!!

        7. Kate

          We are not a statistic, we are individuals. I have 7  kids and this year considered having an 8th   I am nearly 48 and my OB sent me direct to a clinic to talk about egg donors.   The clinic discovered  I have a  high quality, high egg count, so for now, apparently at my age, my biggest issue is not dropping two eggs  and ending up with twins.   We are all different.

        8. Margo

          Yeah, I checked your website and it said women over 40 provided they are healthy actually have a 40 to 50% chance of getting pregnant within one year. Were you may be referring to a different statistic? Or maybe were you referring to women in their late forties? Regardless maybe be more careful next time 🙂 by the way, I am aware of this is anecdotal oh, but my mother had my brother at 43 and a half and it was a completely normal healthy pregnancy. I actually know at least half a dozen women who have had unassisted pregnancies in their early forties without incident.

        9. Evan Marc Katz

          1. My wife had unassisted pregnancies at 41 and almost 43.
          2. There is absolutely NOT a 40-50% chance of getting pregnant in one year at age 40. That statistic was for women at 37-38 and was based on a 5% chance of pregnancy in any given month over the course of a year. Unfortunately, the numbers precipitously drop after that. Google it, you’ll see.

      2. 7.2.2

        IN many countries and even here my aunts grandmother was having 10 plus kids past the age of 50 and all were healthy and strong including her. this is a myth just as global warming is. Ask any eskimo or explorer…naturally the earth warms up and cools down every so often.


      3. 7.2.3

        “Im 55..and im dating a 25 yr old guy..his last gf was 49, and it lasted them 2 yrs..age is just a number..people need to stop tripping out on that..and if two individuals like it each shudnt matter.”

        For dating it’s not a big deal. But if you want to make a bebe it’s not “just a number”. It’s possible of course, but will probably require fertility treatments or something.

      4. 7.2.4

        no woman at late age of 50’s is menos pause not at that age because woman they have periods at late at 50’s  

    3. 7.3

      Bullshit!!!! I’m 45 and fertile as ever, confirmed by my gyn. I have tthe  fsh levels of a 25 year old. As women have become more sexually liberated, our bodies are adapting and responding in a way where we are staying fertile for longer periods of time. Our eggs are not aging as fast as they used to before the 50s and 60s.

      1. 7.3.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        Wishful thinking. Look up fertility statistics for 45 year old women.

        1. Dalia

          A 45 year old can have FSH levels of a 28-30 year old. I don’t think Evan goes to see an OB-GYN, so he does not know that there is a mean FSH level plus/minus standard deviation for every age.   There are many infertile young women (age 25-30) who have FSH levels of a 45 year old. However, that said, IVF success goes down significantly after 45.

        2. Evan Marc Katz

          I know about FSH levels. My wife and I had two kids after the age of 40 without IVF.

          Here, read this, and instead of keeping up the delusion that your FSH levels can singlehandedly make you fertile at age 45, get your facts straight.

        3. Shannon Henderson

          Get out of the books sweetheart and open your eyes.   While you’re reading   STATISTICS life is passing you by. These people are sharing real life experiences and your throwing around info out of a book, Internet or wherever else you get them.   To put it mildly, you’re sounding nerdy yet a little ignorant to the facts (this time the facts don’t refer to documented numbers but to REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES). I’m not attacking you sir I just want you to get out of the house/library and experience life as it really is and not as others are telling you it is, (it’s more fun trust me).

        4. Evan Marc Katz

          Let me guess: Trump voter?

          I know it’s a stretch and you may be insulted, but anyone who tells me to avoid facts because your “experiences” contradict them is not someone worthy a serious discussion

          “Boy, it snowed a lot last winter. Must mean global warming isn’t real.”
          “Just because your STATISTICS show that crime has been dropping for 20 years doesn’t mean you’re right about it. After all, my car was broken into on Tuesday!”
          “I don’t care what your BOOKS say about uneducated people under 25 getting married in less than a year and how it produces a 75% divorce rate. My parents married in 3 weeks and they’re still together, so your facts are irrelevant.”

        5. GoWiththeFlow

          Evan is correct.   Fertility starts declining rapidly at 39-41.   At 45 you may have normal FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) levels, but all that indicates is that you are likely still ovulating.   The flip side of the coin is that the eggs you are ovulating may be of poor quality and cannot be fertilized by   sperm.

          I think it was about 10 years a go when the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG–the professional org of OB/Gyns) did a public awareness campaign to bring these facts of biology out into the public.   Elizabeth Edwards claimed she conceived at 50 using “fertility drugs” and Nancy Grace had twins at 47 using IVF.   What neither disclosed is that they were very likely to have used donor eggs.   And I get that.   They want to protect their family’s and their child’s privacy.   But it sure did give the public the wrong impression about what is possible.

        6. Aurora

          Male chauvinist propaganda wants women to believe this. Statistics are skewed. I’m not saying that fertility doesn’t decline, but it is more possible for a 45 year old woman to get pregnant than most people think.

        7. Aurora

          I’m sure you get lots of happy happy joy joy feelings telling a woman that her fertility is declining, but I hate to bust your bubble, sorry, not sorry, women can and do get pregnant naturally after 40. I’ve seen it happen several times. Oh btw, men’s fertility declines as well as they age. Men need to stop thinking they are so frigging invinsable. Chew on that sour grape for a bit.

        8. LADINA M. ALSTON

          Sorry Evan you’re wrong and she’s right!   Women had babies very late in life many years ago..In other countries women in their 50’s are having babies every day as their culture permits this blessing…I’m a 44 year old and my egss are poppin something like a 30 YO! Lol.. In fact we are more susceptible to pregnancy because of our age and twins at that!   If you are healthy strong and menstruating you are definitely fertile!

        9. CJ

          Worry about yourself Evan, no one wants your sperm but your spouse, why are you concerned about other women’s ability to have children ?, obviously it can happen for women after 40 just like it did for you and your wife.   Whether or not it happens for any woman of any age is not in the least bit dependent on you Evan, what you think, believe or read in a book.   Worry about yourself Genius!!!

        10. Evan Marc Katz

          This is my job. If you do not like my facts or opinions, you are welcome to look elsewhere for free guidance. Happy holidays!

        11. Evan Marc Katz

          Sorry that reality angers you. The problem, of course, is that the only person hurt by your willful misunderstanding of female fertility is you.

        12. Kate Jones

          My OB told me that fertility stats are for regular women, averages. He says I am not a regular woman.   I have had 7 kids, never a problem getting pregnant, even at 47.   The stats have nothing to do with me. Now my 40 year old husband, that would be a  bigger issue-if he was a regular guy.   After 40s women’s eggs have a harder time repairing faulty sperm.   so naturally that younger guy with his high counts and his healthy sperm is a super fertility fit for an older woman who still has an egg supply.   The reserve numbers are not the same as reserve quality and it only takes one good egg.   I have 67 cousins on one side of the family, lots of older moms on both sides and my brood has been very carefully limited to 7.   We  may be rare, but if we are looking at him lustfully, there may well be a reason. Lots of my gal friends lost interest in sex in their late 20s early 30s and needed fertility treatments then. Some of us are just healthier albeit rare.

      2. 7.3.2

        That is absolutely, 100% untrue (that our bodies are adapting). What is adapting is SCIENCE and our ability to have children based on procedures that did not exist back then. Do you honestly think evolution happens that quickly (before the 50s and 60s). Good God.

      3. 7.3.3

        I agree….

      4. 7.3.4

        “Someone needs a biology lesson.”


        1. Audacia

          Yeah you need the biology lesson DESPERATELY Katie.

  8. 8

    What Do Guys In Their 20’s Want With Women In Their 40’s?

    1. Sex without attachment
    2. Sex without (or far less likely) risk of pregnancy

    If I think about it, I would guess that there’s a bit of a group-think or trend following thing going on. This whole ‘coug’ trend (or more wide acceptance) may be a ‘cool’ thing to do. BTW, the coug, thing is based on one night stands, or ‘chance’ encounters. Then again, maybe Oedipus is rearing his head. Who knows?

  9. 9

    I’d venture that a majority of women have already had kids by the time they reach their mid-40’s. Not everyone ofcourse, but my post was geared toward a mid-40’s woman hooking up with a man 20 yrs. younger who didn’t want kids THEN, but might well find he wanted them later on. And later on for him could mean when he was 35-45, at which point SHE would be 55-65. I’m just speculating that there are fewer women who would want to start the childrearing process as they near retirement age.

    As a woman in my mid-40’s with a grown son, I would check the want kids? box No. I don’t know what to make of women over 40 checking ‘undecided’. Maybe they really are, or maybe (like you) they’ve found they get far fewer responses if they check No. All about getting your foot in the door, perhaps?

  10. 10

    ..sad to say, not all older women are fun rides, there are some, that are terrible in bed…and we try to teach them, but they seem to be set in their ways….back to the post…the older woman, younger man is very common in most of Europe….

  11. 11

    Many of we older women in our 40’s check the “undecided” box for the “want kids?” question because we have arrived at a place where we realize that having kids may not be in the cards for us, and we are ok with that. but if children were conceived, by chance, in a solid relationship, as has happened for at least 3 of my women friends in their 40’s, then that would be ok, too. Or, if a man who had children during a previous relationship brought kids with him as a package deal, then we just may be very open to that concept. . . . .

    1. 11.1
      Tammy Stubbs

      Great point!!

    2. 11.2

      In 2013 twice as many abortions were performed on women over 35 than on teens.    Women over 40 can still get pregnant, so even though the chance is lower than at 30, in a relationship, this has to be talked about. Source:

  12. 12

    Since many singles in their mid-forties already have kids, I can see how checking a want kids? box “undecided” would equate to checking an “okay with me if YOU have kids” box. I haven’t tried on-line dating, I don’t know a thing about what boxes they have for screening purposes.

  13. 13


    I never would have guessed that. The fact that I ( and likely other men ) never would have guessed is probably a good reason for dating sites to offer more choices for the answer to “want kids?” question.

  14. 14

    I totally agree Evan. These relationships usually won’t last so why bother, unless you’re just looking for a little fun. I’m 40 and have younger guys write to me quite often. Usually I don’t respond, but occasionally I’ll ask them why they aren’t writing to someone their own age. They usually say, older women know what they want.
    Yep and this older woman would rather have someone her own age.

  15. 15

    Selena and Lynn-

    I agree. The “want kids” option on does not provide adequate choices for those of us with kids already. Sure, I want the kids I already have, and would welcome the kids of a boyfriend, but don’t want to create any new children. Where’s the option for that?

    1. 15.1

      I’m 39 and leaving a 6 year long relationshiship with a abusive 28 year old boyfriend. I have a good friend that is wanting to date me. He will be 21 next month. Ive been in public with him and alway have people asking if I’m his mom. I’m not embarrassed at all with him except when that question arises. I really like him and we’re like best friends when we are together. I’m scared to go further than friends because of age and the dreaded “mom” question.

  16. 16
    Stifler's Mom

    Isn’t an Oedipal Complex a legit thing for some younger men, to be attracted to women roughly their mother’s age? Haven’t done the research there.

    Evan’s take and most of the comments seem in consensus: older women with much younger men equals sex and fun. Sweet.

    I’ve dated 3 older women, all mothers, not with the same age differential as the emailer. I’ve noticed they all had a couple of qualities in common: a) very laid back in a dating sense, b) strong game, which made it very easy to flirt and have fun on dates (this is like saying they make good dance partners), c) great sex.

    1. 16.1

      SIGMUND AND FREUD- “Interpretation of dreams” 1899. Attracted to ‘parent’ of the opposite sex.

      1. 16.1.1

        Wasn’t it the story of Little Hans? Oedipus complex?

  17. 17

    I’ve dated a couple of younger guys. In fact, the first guy I dated after my divorce was 27 to my 39. Our relationship was sweet, fun, and sexy. He reminded me just how much living I still had to do, that I was still sexy, and that dating could be fun. In fact, every man I’ve dated since that time probably owes my friend KC a debt of gratitude as he helped me avoid the bitter divorcee phase.

    I wasn’t bitter, I was having the time of my life. 🙂

    I’d give these flings 4-5 months, max, which is about as long as you can date across this sort of age divide and enjoy it. For me, at least, after 4-5 months, I really started wanting someone my own age that remembered and could dance to The Cure.

    We’re still friends though, and if you don’t take it too seriously, that’s definitely a side advantage, I’d say we’re both rather protective of one another, and give each other good advice.

    I definitely have no regrets.

    1. 17.1

      I have that exact same age gap with my husband. 6 years dating and 3 years of marriage so that’s not true.

  18. 18
    Nervous Nellie

    I am 44 years old. I met a 26-year-old guy online last September for what was supposed to be a casual relationship. In December, he wanted to try having a full-blown, exclusive relationship. A couple of times, I broke it off because his job requires a lot of travel and he was always tired and sometimes canceled dates at the last minute. He would leave me alone for a couple of weeks and then contact me.

    I would tell him I would not mind going back to the casual relationship, i.e., he and I could see other people in addition to each other. However, he did not want to do that.

    We have been doing well for the past couple of months or so. We talk openly about what we want from the relationship. I have an 11-year-old daughter. He has made it clear from the beginning that he does not want any children. I was engaged a few years ago and my ex-fiance and I tried to have a child for a year (he is younger and has 2). Ditto with the boyfriend after him. So, I did not think I could not get pregnant. Well, with current boyfriend (the 26-year-old), I did get pregnant, but miscarried after 6 weeks. Boyfriend said he would have lived up to his responsibilities had I gone to term. However, he was very relieved that I miscarried and is now convinced he does not want children.

    I read through this thread and am now very nervous. It seems that none of you give a relationship like this a chance.

    1. 18.1

      I am 12 years older than my husband and we are happier every day. 😊 We have the strongest bond and honestly no one even knows our age difference unless they went to school with us. People need to step off the age thing unless it causes some catastrophe. Its annoying. Lol

      1. 18.1.1

        IMO Up to 7 years is alright between 8 to 15 years age gap   is workable. But each year after the 10th year is stressful especially when the younger partner is in early 20s.

      2. 18.1.2

        Im with you on that one!     age is not an issue if people make it to be..   depends  on what both individuals want out of the relationship.    Im finding this much younger man to be more mature than most men I meet my age!!   yes he goes out with his friends and parties.. so what.   Its better than having an old fart laying on the sofa every night and has no energy for sex or living  life!     I am 44 and full of energy and I found that I got bored with my husband whos 47!    conversations  were lame and he  wasn’t a fun person  to be with.   Im loving my new younger  man!   I find that we are  equals in what we  both want and its an effortless relationship

        1. Blue

          Exactly. Word to word. Same here. 🙂 High five.

        2. Antoinette

          I’m definitely not ashamed of my being pursued by 18-64 year olds. Most have been 20-27. I’m immature for my age and always guessed to be mid thirties to early 40’s. I always tell whomever asks me to date to see if we get along and then tell them my age a couple to three months into our relating. One 27 yr old insisted on going to take me out to lunch, traveling, hanging out at the beach and he was super attractive. We spent a year together. The next was my gift from God, absolutely perfect~just to have him for six months was nothing I’d change. I only get involved with those that know they want an older woman to be with and have fun with normally. I’m not for being a hidden dirty secret. I don’t expect long term~I do find young men that aren’t looking for me to fund them, or shelter them and I’m fine with it. I’m 52. Actually glad my ex husband of 22 yrs ditched me for a younger filly with his ED. The stallions were worth the divorce. Beauty is fleeting but as long as I have the edge of being wrinkle free I will use it. Oh and I didn’t finish earlier about the not mentioning of age. The ones that stick around haven’t been phased much. Only one left, to go back to his ex with whom he had an infant. Point is, everyone has likes and dislikes ~fat, skinny, tall, short, etc. You can’t speak for a true person who has a real attraction for older women if you grew up with and have it ingrained in your brain to stay in a”standard” age range. You would think it odd or impossible because you couldn’t see yourself friends or others doing it. Your view is its sickening so you think to made snide not so covert cutting remarks about older women staying in their lane. However, to the sincere men who’ve written in voicing their happiness in being with their mature lovers~no shame and point proven. It happens and there’s nothing wrong with it. My 23 yr old who is drop dead gorgeous can’t stay in a relationship with guys in her age range up to 5 yrs older either more than 4-6 mos. Just a relationship shift overall as the times change.

        3. Giovanni

          Beside about have a great sex with, is it true that young man needs an older woman for his security financial?

      3. 18.1.3

        Haha on everybody else! Thank you for your comment. I also know women who are in relationships and marriages with men 10 or more years younger. But people who want to keep the male chauvinist propaganda alive will always blind themselves to real life examples such as yours. Hey it’s their choice if they want to have an unhealthy attitude towards women.

    2. 18.2

      I’m 41 and fiance is 27. Going on 3 years and strong.

      1. 18.2.1

        r u afraid that later on he might leave u

        1. Rachel

          why be afraid??   men at any age are capable of cheating!   a  cheat is a cheat  no matter what his age!

      2. 18.2.2

        I have been with my much younger man for 4yrs.. he has loved me like no other man has tender attentive always trying to put a smile on my face.. we have had issues mainly from family members im never ashamed to go out together we look nice.. just recently he said he would like a child he said we can adobt . I don’t know what will happen but what i fo know is men my age hurt me cheated and even hurt me physically. I love him and he loves i look at it like any relationship its a risk a chance nobody can predict what will hhappen .

      3. 18.2.3

        Very well done. 🙂

      4. 18.2.4

        This gives me hope!!! I am 46 and have been writing a 33 year old now for almost 9 months. He lives in Rome, I live in LA. We are finally meeting in person this summer and I can not wait. He wants a long term relationship but I keep thinking he will want a young hottie… I look great but I am not 22.

        1. SQ

          IMO men from other cultures are not as hung up on perpetually chasing the 20 year old skinny blonde trophy as American men are. Just my experience.

      5. 18.2.5

        Awesome Nikki!! Go women 2016!!

    3. 18.3
      don't call me a cougar

      I think if you are both into each other, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or thinks. If my guy had wanted a real relationship, I would have been all for it. As it was we had an on off for 3 years. Too much time wasted but that’s okay, lesson learned for me. But my romantic heart roots for you and a happily ever after.

    4. 18.4

      @Nellie,    please don’t be nervous, I have a friend who is dating a girl 15 years younger he is 39 and she 54   the age difference never matter for either and the girl don’t look anything near her age. They relationship lasted 6 years online they are now married and planning to live together as soon she send for him. He loves children but said that most people think they know the person they looking for to marry until they meet that someone special who just captures your ever being. He met her and fell in love with her and now children don’t matter to him anymore because he say she is his world and he cannot see life without her by his side …so age is just matter of speech or a number. If you meet a person and becomes best friends and fall in love, you fall in love with the whole package. I do agree that men their 20″ and early 30″have much to learn in life and achieve so dating a woman twice your age could be not so good an idea for long terms. Come on some men in their 40″ haven’t grown up but if you are in love you give your man space to grow and you also grow together. I also think it depends on the age you are when you meet that older person. EX: A man 20 and woman 40…a no, no but a man 40 and over and a woman 55 and older that can work because the two are more mature to adapt and grow together in life than the 20 – 30 year man with older woman.

      1. 18.4.1

        Lee, on the last part of your comment. My boyfriend is 24, extremely mature, fun and very smart. I am 41. We learn from each other and we are going to get married. I know others like us…

  19. 19


    Some of us do. It’s just that when the gender-polarized vitriol gets thick on the ground, we don’t always comment.

    As an individual or a couple, if you’re at all different in the world — and, it seems, especially in America — it’s all about the amount of social pressure you can withstand (or elude, for that matter).

    At the end of the day, it seems to me that it’s about the two people in the relationship — their experiences, how they’ve been socialized, how compatible they are, and how much they want to be with — and stay with — each other.

    1. 19.1

      That`s right! 🙂

  20. 20

    No one can predict how long a relationship will last. Not even people who are whole heartedly committed on their wedding day, as statistics prove out. If you are enjoying your relationship with the 26 yr. old, why not just go with the flow without making predictions for the future?

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