You’ve had enough.
You’ve loved. You’ve lost.
You have no desire to go through it again.
You are ready to go on permanent guy-atus.
Then you read this letter by Emily Bracken posted on Medium and reposted on HuffPo. It’s astonishingly self-aware, and is the kind of letter I wish I received more, instead of the one blaming men for all the ills of the world.
Dear Future Love of My Life:
I know. I should have written before. Forgive me. But I got the feeling that you were beginning to think I didn't exist. But I do. And I wanted to let you know that while I might be as elusive as a unicorn grazing in a field of four-leaf clovers, I'm close. I'm around the corner, down the street, on Facebook, in your office, at our local coffee shop, a complete stranger. I made eyes at you once on the subway. I saw you across the room at a party. I swiped you right on Tinder. But it's not our time yet. And I know you're wondering why.
It's really not fair that you've had to wait this long, or go on blind dates, endure bad sex, settle for 'meh' relationships, feel misunderstood, cry from loneliness, wrap your arms around a pillow as you fall asleep at night. I'm so sorry, my love. You deserve an explanation. So, here it goes. It's taken me a long time to even admit this to myself much less to you, so please know that everything I've written here is true.
The reasons we haven't met yet, in no particular order:
1. I haven't thrown out the list of things I think you should be.
2. I'm with the wrong person right now.
3. I'm not ready to be loved unconditionally.
4. Since my life isn't together, I think you'll reject me.
5. I still believe that drama is a show of love.
6. I've been intentionally keeping my head too busy to think with my heart.
7. I need to date more to understand what I do and don't like.
8. I won't be able to appreciate you until life has kicked my ass.
9. I'm too focused on my own needs.
10. I don't know how to create the feeling of home that lives in my heart.
Clearly, I'm not my best self yet. Or even myself -- I'm still figuring out who that is. I'm pretty sure even if we did meet, you wouldn't like me all that much right now. It's entirely possible that we did hit it off once, and I left without getting your information; or maybe I did get your number and never called because of any one of the above reasons.
This is a call for humility – stop blaming the opposite sex for the downfall of your relationships and take responsibility for the things you can control.
Be patient with me, darling heart. Know that I'm working my way toward you. So don't spend any more time thinking about where I am or am not. Just keep making your life exciting and full, so when we do finally come together, we can bring each other joy, because we are already happy.
I know it's taking longer than you'd like. It's a hell of a lot slower than I could have ever imagined. But I'm here. This is me talking to you. And I'm not going anywhere.
Don't give up on me.
Yours, in perpetuity,
The Love You Haven't Met Yet
Flip the genders and it’s just as potent. I could have written the same thing ten years ago, if only I were more self-aware. When I was 31, I hadn’t thrown out the list, my life wasn’t together, I was dating the wrong person, I needed to date more to understand what I like, I wasn’t able to appreciate the right woman until life kicked my ass, and I was too focused on what I was getting instead of what I was giving.
This letter is a call for humility – to stop blaming the opposite sex for the downfall of your relationships and to take responsibility for the things you can control.
My new book builds on this concept and gives you a step-by-step blueprint to flipping the script from negative to positive, and turning the glass from half-empty to half-full.
And in case you've missed my video series about how to rejuvenate your faith in love, make sure you watch these three videos.
If you watch the third video, you'll also be signed up to receive my special report “The Top Three Things You MUST Know To Persevere in Dating,” based on my last nine months of research. This is my best stuff and I’m giving it to you absolutely free.
Lasting love is real, but it takes a real self-aware person to be a worthy partner. Become that person and you’ll attract that person as well.
Have a great weekend and come back on Monday for a juicy reader question from a woman who is ready to toss in the towel on men.
In the meantime, which of the things on Emily’s list will you admit to?