How to Make a Guy Call Instead of Texting You

Man sitting on the sofa and calling in living room

I’ve been on record for saying how much I dislike texting. I even found a chart to tell you when to text and when not to text.

But texting MUST be the icing; it can’t be the cake.

The real issue is that texting is ubiquitous and it’s not going anywhere soon. Instead of using it as a way to say hi or let you know he’s running late, it becomes a crutch for real relationship communication. These days, there are men who use it as the ONLY way of keeping in touch. There are women who use it as the ONLY way of having a serious discussion.

These are inherently flawed strategies. A first-person piece on concurs:

“A short text in the middle of the day to let someone know you are thinking of them is a sweet gesture. But if you imagine that sending a daily barrage of texts, such as “driving to work, heading to lunch, or just left a meeting” is a romantic way to show you are thinking of your partner, think again.”

To clarify – if these texts are used in ADDITION to phone, email, and actual dates, they’re fine. I text my wife to ask her to pick up something from the grocery store when she’s out. She texts me from the kitchen to tell me she loves me. But texting MUST be the icing; it can’t be the cake.

Yet that’s what’s been established. Men collect phone numbers online. They text five women at the same time. They never pick up the phone to make a true connection, because they want to keep their options open. And women complain that men aren’t stepping up to the plate.

They’re right in one regard – texting is a shitty form of communication. But it’s not HIS fault if the texting persists; ultimately it’s yours. If you accept that he only texts you, never calls you, never asks you out for a proper date, you’re tacitly CONDONING this behavior.

What incentive does he have to step up to the plate if he can get away with a minute of phone foreplay? Why SHOULD he call? Why SHOULD he plan dates? Really, if he can text you, on Friday night at 10: “Come over, I miss you,”. And you DO IT?! There’s no reason for him to spend more time, more money, more energy, or more emotion on you. He’s having his cake and eating it, too.

You want a guy to treat you like a serious relationship candidate instead of part of a harem? Insist on being treated that way.

“Thanks, cutie! I turn off my cell phone at night, but you can call me on my landline after 9. Talk to you then!”

“Aw, Jeff, you’re adorable. But if you want to see me, you’re gonna have to try a little harder. You have your phone in your hand. I have my phone in my hand. Press the little green dial button and see what happens!”

You want a guy to treat you like a serious relationship candidate instead of part of a harem? Insist on being treated that way.

“Glad to hear you’re having a great day, Brad. You know what would make it even better? If you were to hear the dulcet tones of my voice. 🙂 Hit me up tonight after I get back from the gym, okay?”

If the guy doesn’t respond, ignores your requests for phone time, and treats the phone as if it’s only a means to text, you know what you do?

You cut him loose. No emotion. Matter of fact.

You seem like a good guy, Alan, but I’m not looking for a texting buddy, I’m looking for a boyfriend. And since all you’ve done is text me twice a week for the past six weeks without any increased effort, I’m going to take that as a sign that you’re not that interested in a relationship. No hard feelings. I wish you the best of luck in your search. Take care.”

Don’t be afraid that you’re losing your potential boyfriend. You’re not. You’re freeing yourself of the burden of waiting for an indifferent man to show you he cares. If he cared about you, he’d WANT to call you, WANT to see you, WANT to commit to you.

The texter has already shown his stripes. All you’re doing is calling him on it.

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  1. 1

    Well said 🙂 !!!!  

    1. 1.1

      Thank YOU!!!!

  2. 2

    Great post Evan.   What I’ve learned about men who rely on electronic communication is they have intimacy issues. They reveal everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, via text or email but they can’t communicate in person.  
    I fell for it once because I didn’t know better, I won’t fall for it again.   I asked the last guy to call or meet (and I was nice like you suggest) and he wouldn’t.   That was   the end of that.  
       I think some women are araid to assert themselves at the beginning because this could scare a man off. I’m of the   mindset they’re already scared and they are looking for a fantasy “Relationship”.  

    1. 2.1
      Mattie Johnson

      So true.

  3. 3

    Great practical advice as usual Evan.
      I tell them once as you suggested   After that when they text I only send a smiley face    This has worked beautifully to eliminate very quickly guys who have the potential to waste my time. One guy continued to send me texts all day so he got smiley faces all day and then he disappeared   It was great practice for me LOL     

    1. 3.1

      I had recent run in with this. Generally, while I prefer the phone, I will give a guy leeway to text me for the first couple dates, but I evaluate it in the context of his other conduct.   Once I have called in response to his texts, but he has not reciprocated, I know our communication style is not compatible.   Texts are so impersonal and cold.   You cannot get the feel of the person , his emotions or moods.    frustrated with  this last guy, who also was remaining active on and not following up to ask me out in a timely manner, I just stopped responding to his texts.    He did not call or follow up again.   Glad I had already predicted his type.    Avoidant , emotionally unavailable 40 something bachelor , texting like a high school kid.

    2. 3.2
      Teri Smithe

      OMG!! Best advice so far!! I’m going to do this!!! Thanks!!

  4. 4

    Amen, Amen, & Amen!! A guy had asked me out via text, and since this was the only way he communicated, I said yes, but then playfully said would love to hear your voice so we can finalize the plans. He then text me right back and asked when was an exact time to call? Geez!! Just grow a pair and hit the dial button already!! I never responded, and never heard from him again. No loss, whatsoever!!!

  5. 5

    Beth #2  
    You are exactly right   They are texting to avoid speaking with you and its likely an indicator they have an avoidant attachment style. These guys are very likely not good relationship potential . ( Theres a good book “30 day love detox” by Wendy Walsh that explains this well)
      Often their generic texts are sent to multiple women at the same time. Then expect the request to start sending naked pictures to add to their collection of 50 billion women on their smart phone LOL
    Beth I also agree that women have let them get away with this, so its great to see advice to empower women to cut them off in a positive way and with ease   🙂

  6. 6

    I completely agree and never would consider being at the beck and call of some man making no effort. I just hate that I need to condition nearly every man I meet to actually call. A few guys in their late 30s/early 40s still prefer calling but the younger guys, its like pulling teeth.

    1. 6.1

      Completely agree! In their late 30’s and up I can condition them to call. But under 35, OMG! So like pulling teeth! And en if I get them to call they are all awkward all of a sudden! I mean come on! You don’t know how to talk on the phone?

      1. 6.1.1

        So much to say:     First I HATE the idea of having to “condition” anyone to do anything.   I want to be a girlfriend, not an animal trainer.   I had my profile professionally re-written by E-Cyrano and my response rate has dropped to nearly zero.   It was a wonderfully written profile, thought it really gave a good picture of who I am and what I want, and there was a line in there about me preferring phone calls over texts.     I wondered if THAT was a big reason for the sudden drop in interest.   Sheeesh, if guys are that addicted to texting, maybe I should just join a convent now.  
        Once a relationship is established, then hopefully, the whole text, phone or skype issue will be a moot point, because we will be spending most of our time face to face.   At that point, on the days we don’t see each other, a phone call, text, or smoke signal just to say “I’m thinking of you” is fine.
        I did have one relationship not work, because ALL he wanted (apparently) was a phone pal.   Face to Face interactions were a rarity, but he blew up my phone with his constant phone calls, but couldn’t seem to find much time to see me IRL.   (I was beginning to suspect he was married, or otherwise involved with another woman)
        I do hate the pre-phone call texts, I actually had a date/time set up for a phone date with an online potential date, and at the appointed time, he sent me a text asking “Is it Ok to call you now ?”.   I texted back “yes” and he did call right away, but since we had the day & time set up, I really found that strange.
        My favorite text (favorite in the sarcastic sense) started with “I know you don’t like texts . . . ”   so to me, that was a clear sign that this person didn’t give a rat’s patoot about my likes or dislikes.

    2. 6.2

      This was a great article.   I met a guy online and we have been out 3 times.

      We met for a drink and before saying goodbye asked if I would like to go out again the next week and he would call me.   The same night he sent an email telling me that he had a wonderful time and I was just lovely.   The next week henever called just sent me an email to tell me he made dinner reservations and did I want him to swing by to pick me up.   I told him I would meet him at the restaurant.   After dinner I asked him if he was afraid to talk on the phone since he never called just texted or emailed.   He told me that he didn’t want to call me too early (which I didn’t understand).   The next day he texted me to tell me he had a wonderful time and that he would be thinking of me.    He said that he was going out of town but would call me then he got back.   Of course I never heard from him so I texted him to ask him if he got safe.   He replied that he was thinking about me and that he had just gotten back the day before.   Also, he always hugs me after our dates.   I am being to think that he is a player.   I am going to use you reply text next time – that we are not looking for the same thing.   By the way — we are both in our 50’s so we are not kids

      1. 6.2.1

        If he was a player he wouldn’t  be pacing himself.

      2. 6.2.2

        Those are signs that the guy is already committed or married not exactly a player the going out of town is to take q break from to much contact because he can’t if he’s married she will notice so that’s why all the text and emails

  7. 7
    Karmic Equation

    Evan, I agree with you on just about everything…but this.

    I *LOVE* texting. So much so that I forced my family to text me instead of calling because I’d let their calls go into VM but would immediately answer their texts. I got ’em trained. LOL

    There were a few men who wanted to call but I actually deferred them and suggested texting instead. One guy took that as an invitation to send a bare torso pic of himself (he had an AMAZING torso so I didn’t exactly mind)…except that when I playfully told him I didn’t intend to reciprocate, he stopped texting. Not a loss as that indicated he wasn’t interested in getting to know me in a non-biblical sense.

    The 2nd man and I actually did schedule a time to talk and he, uh, conducted an interview of sorts. Asked a lot of questions. Good questions, but ones I would have found easier and better to ask over drinks. I gave him the benefit of the doubt as he said that he was new to online dating and I was his first conversation as a dating prospect. The downfall for this guy was that I detested his voice. He sounded like Joe Pesci. So, while we made tentative plans to meet for lunch the following weekend, in the intervening days I decided I disliked his voice too much to date him and canceled.

    The 3rd man I talked to had a very sexy voice. Needless to say we’ll be meeting soon for karaoke. He sings professionally as a hobby, so that would explain his great voice. A 4th one, I didn’t like his voice either. But we did meet for lunch and had a lot of things to talk about, but I wasn’t attracted to him.

    As for the rest of the men, many I only texted and/or messaged before we went on first dates, which is usually about 2 weeks after we started messaging. Some men who only wanted to message and whose messages became a little weird feeling, I just stopped replying to or blocked. Many of these guys I suspect weren’t who they represented themselves to be because they didn’t seem interested in meeting, just online chatting.

    Then there’s the guy who messages me everyday to say hi and is a great cheerleader when I text him my pool league updates. Amazingly supportive. Probably more supportive in texts than he would be in person. We’re meeting sometime next week, after about 2-3 weeks of texting. Have yet to speak on the phone. He actually wanted to, but I deferred to the texting. Maybe I’m afraid I’ll be turned off by his voice. IDK. He has a really likable texting personality. I’m hoping his personality IRL matches. We’ll see.

    So where does that leave us women when it comes to texting and dating? For me, I think texting has been a very valuable filtering tool. Men who are truly interested will continue to reach out to you until they work through their backlog of dates (I’m suspecting) to put me on their schedule. For my part, I play the game by rarely giving up a Friday/Saturday night for a first date, which means I usually can’t fit them in until 2 weeks after they want to schedule a date. If they can wait that long, then they’re really interested. If they can’t, then they’re not.

    For me personally, I think talking to a guy was detrimental to HIS chances with ME as I’ve come to find out I’m a “voice” person 🙂 Good voices I can’t wait to meet and bad voices already leave me a little turned off and dreading the date. I wonder if there are men out there who are “voice” people too and react the same way I do?

    1. 7.1
      Kiki T.

      Do you know just about how shallow you sound right now? From the looks of what you wrote, you’re just judging guys by the “sexiness” of their voice. I don’t mean to be mean and it’s nice and all that you like to text but, just because you judge a person by that makes me feel that you are a shallow person. You might not have meant to make yourself sound like that, but I’m just saying.

      1. 7.1.1

        Hi Kiki T. @7.1 – I know it sounds shallow, but I have discovered over the years that attraction IS shallow.   I think in my younger days, I gave guys I wasn’t attracted to “a chance” to see if they could win me over with their inner awesomeness.   I didn’t want to think of myself as a “shallow” person for not giving a guy a chance, based on his looks, his social awkwardness, his nasally voice, etc.   So in my quest to “not be shallow”, all that I accomplished was leading a guy on and ultimately disappointing him.   I have come to the conclusion that who we are attracted to IS NOT A CHOICE.   We can only choose to act or not act upon it.   We can CHOOSE to couple up with someone we aren’t attracted to, because on paper they would make a good partner.   EMK has even run a few blog posts from women who married or coupled up with someone they weren’t attracted to.   It’s not pretty for either party.   You can also CHOOSE not to couple up with some super sexy bad boy, when you see that he’s a bad relationship bet.   Just because attraction is shallow, it does NOT have to lead to shallow relationships.   Just stop trying to give guys “a chance” if you’re not attracted, and don’t waste time on a sexy bad boy who say’s he’s not looking for anything serious, if you are 38 and want a husband and kids.   There are varying degrees of attraction, and NO ONE is saying couple up with someone you find repulsive. But, a guy you find “kinda cute” when your first meet, who really is awesome and treats you right, can go from “kinda cute, I can see us snuggling up in front of the TV together” to “take me now you sexy beast ! ”   But I have never seen attraction go from “Yuck” to even “kinda cute”.  
        Physical attraction is more than just looks (visual), it’s multi-sensory.   Not only does the person have to LOOK good, (to you) but should also sound good, smell good, taste good, and feel good, and YOU should feel good around them.
        I too have a “thing” for voices. (ok, mark your calendar, I agree with KE on something)   I also have a thing for not dating smokers.   I don’t want to kiss a stinky mouth that tastes like an ashtray.   (I actually had a friend give me crap about not dating a smoker) I also don’t like big, bushy, gray, Santa Clause type beards.   I don’t want to feel that scratchy beard when making out.   All these are pretty superficial characteristics, but I can’t change what I am attracted to.  
        We all have our likes or dislikes when it comes to attraction.   What I find to be a turn off, could be a turn on for another woman.   (Believe me, I have seen my women friends just go ga-ga for some guys, I’m just thinking HUH ?   HIM ?   REALLY ?   But I keep my thoughts to myself because it THEIR attraction not mine.
        Would you think it shallow if someone didn’t like someone with a particular smell ?   Why should voice tone be any different ?
        I am not trying to be argumentative here,   just trying to give you my perspective   on how I came to grips with the realization that attraction is shallow, and how to embrace that fact.

        1. Tayja

          Very well said!   My thoughts entirely. I’ve tride to tell people so many times that you cannot help who and what you are attracted to as it comes naturally and cannot be forced. I refuse to be wih someone just for the sake of having a man.   I only like men that are 6ft plus. Is that shallow, yes it is but that is what I am attracted To.  

        2. Donna H

          I think you a right on. Men have their likes and dislikes when it comes to appearance & voice. So, why shouldn’t women?

        3. Evelyn

          So then wouldn’t it be better to speak to them on the phone to determine if you are attracted? Eventually you have to speak to them.   I hate the texting only.   And then I meet a new guy and the next thing I know we are just texting…I almost forget…get sucked into it. It’s really challenging to get most guys to call.   Ugh!

        4. Patty Hearst

          I have to agree here. Attraction is not a choice, and for many people attraction is about all five senses: sight, taste, touch, sound, smell. One of these can be off putting enough to ruin any chance of a sexual and romantic relationship. As I get older, I’m more aware of what is a turn off so that I don’t end up trying to convince myself I’m just being shallow and then ultimately end up leading a guy on and hurting his feelings. Men also know what they like and don’t like, and I would never want to date a man who is trying to look past something about me he doesn’t really like or finds annoying. I’d rather be alone.

        5. Isabel

          This is not shallow. Science shows there is a lot in a mans voice namely his testosterone and therefore his biological fitness. Also we can hear things like nervousness and red flags for deception or other mental problems in someone’s voice.

          The person who thinks a mans voice is shallow is an idiot. No doubt she thinks it’s shallow for men to want a woman who is physically attractive and therefore more likely go be fertile and healthy too. Yes, turns out Nature is shallow. It’s still natural.

      2. 7.1.2

        Im the same way. If a man has a feminine voice im out

        1. Miri

          katt yes! i once met this insanely sexy guy online.he was fine!! but when we finally talked on d phn i felt my heart sink! his voice was so femenine!! trying to ignore my “judgements” i went as far as meeting him.he was just as fine n sexy as in his pictures, but his voice ..was just like talking to the female version of him, and i just could not overcome that “gross gut” matter how much i i never saw him agn. i think if it overpowers you it is a true “feeling.” and if u really love urself u should not ignore it.

        2. yari

          Lol same here

        3. AliArtemis

          I like feminine voices.

      3. 7.1.3

        It is a known fact that the vibrato of a person’s voice is one of those things that attracts people together. Just like someone being ruggedly handsome or a posh dresser. Natural pheromones as well

      4. 7.1.4

        Nothing shallow about it. Our bodies are more intelligent than we realizes&a voice can tell us a lot about a person. Attraction is the only thing that separates dating from making friends& it’s very important to me personally I’m attracted to my date. Time is precious & if i don’t like a man’s voice i don’t meet him. That’s my body telling me something’s not right& i trust my ears. Who knows, it might save my life.

    2. 7.2

      people can sound different over the phone than in person….it works both ways.   some sound better over the phone than in person and vice versa.   i personally don’t drag with stuff out anymore.   I keep things on the dating website….and refuse to text, email or talk on phone until in person meet.   I   have pics…but that’s it.   so what…meet in public quick….leave if aren’t attracted. the end, lol.   there are a ton of men online that just want a virtual thing because they are emotionally unavailable.   so, if you don’t want just a virtual thing…you have to meet them in person ASAP.   if they refuse…then you know what you have.

      1. 7.2.1

        That is so me! I do the same. I don’t feel comfortable giving my phone number before we meet and I don’t want to get to know someone over texts. So far I haven’t had anyone be a no-show, ever. Sometimes if the guy starts overtexting me after we’ve met up, I tell them I’d really like to get to know them in person so how about we save this convo for the next time we see each other? I don’t mind a ‘how was your day’ every now and then but I don’t need someone blowing up my phone when we’ve just met.

    3. 7.3
      Teri Smithe

      I quit reading your response at the point where you asked them to text instead of a call. Get help. I’m not being sarcastic either. There is something wrong. Or you are juggling too many men at a time. One at a time, and calling, and meeting, otherwise, join a convent and stay alone…

    4. 7.4

      You are exactly the person Evan is saying to avoid for those of us looking for a deeper connection. Good to know your thought process. You do in fact sound like a child.

  8. 8

    Times are changing, gotta change with them.

    1. 8.1
      Teri Smithe

      One in 3 or 4 have herpes…are you going to “change” with the times for herpes too?? Come one. Have some self respect. Stay classy.

      1. 8.1.1

        You are so funny   …hahahahahahahah

    2. 8.2

      Hmm, Sal9000 #8. Times have changed,    but the mating dance,   and human nature,   have not.

      I’m grateful to the person above who said attraction was shallow.   I had never really considered that before, but it’s true.   As it happens,   I love a good strong man’s voice; it can make me weak in the knees in a way that no amount of texting will do.

  9. 9
    Some other guy

    The problem is not texting vs calling; the problem is a mismatch between expectations of the two partners.
    And if a partner has a problem with intimacy,it’s going to be a problem whether texting is involved or not (texting is merely the vehicle by which the problem makes itself known).
    It may be trainable behavior, but training is a relatively low-success relationship strategy.
    A couple on the same page regarding communications – of whatever type – can have a fulfilling, intimate life whether they text or not.

    1. 9.1

      Right on!!!!

  10. 10
    Jackie H.

    Yes, yes and yes….texting is just another way to be emotionally unavailable…

  11. 11

    Great post! I don’t think it matters so much whether or not you text before meeting, although for me, an actual phone conversation is a much better indicator of what a person is like than texting or email. However, once you’ve started dating someone, texting only is a bad sign and an indication that someone is only looking for a casual thing. OTOH, my ex-boyfriend always called on the phone, never texted, and he was STILL commitment-phobic. Go figure.
    Kathleen #3 & #5
    I agree with you about the avoidant attachment style and I love your use of the smiley face! If I have a similar problem, I’ll try that!

  12. 12

    I used to avoid phone calls because I find them to be nerve wracking, but now that I’ve dated a couple phone talkers, I notice a HUGE difference in the quality of relationship it creates.   There is so much more familiarity and seriousness of intention when I am with a man who is willing to talk on the phone.   Of all my online dating experiences, each one of these ‘phone callers’ were the ones to step up and ask me to be their girlfriend, including my current bf.   I think it’s really important and lets me know he enjoys me for my personality.
    @Jayne, not sure why him texting you to figure out a good time to call would cause you not to respond? I think that is being considerate and shows he wanted to catch you at a time when you could really talk.

  13. 13

    This is excellent advice that doesn’t just apply to straight women. Its completely unisex.
    I’m not a huge fan of the phone OR texting, but I like video chat. Being crystal clear about communication preference really helps.

  14. 14

    Its a matter of perspective. If you are younger and grew up with texting, IM,  email, social media  as a primary form of communication then phone calls are actually a bit of a nuisance. I frankly don’t have time to stop what im doing and spend 10-15 mins to take a phone call just to say Hi and chit chat.  Id rather have a man ask me out and we can talk in person.
    I  value the quality of the communication vs the type. My last BF and I would message  through out the day via text. I find the immediacy of texting much better then saving my thoughts and condensing it into a 15 minute conversation later in the day. And neither of us had to stop what we were doing to talk.

    1. 14.1

      Amen to that! I understand what you are saying. 🙂

  15. 15

    In general, I don’t like texting as a primary means of communication.   I still prefer phone calls and agree with your perspective, Evan.    I’m gleaning much useful information from your newletters and blog topics.   I’ve been on the receiving end both of the emotionally unavailable man who only texts and men who call just to say hi.       The problem is finding mutual compatibility and attraction, so I’m still looking and making the effort in the world of dating.  

  16. 16

    I grew up with testing/IM etc and I still find it’s much easier to build up a quality connection by talking in person. This was why Evan’s 2/2/2 technique worked so well and led me to meet my fiancé. By guiding the guy gently off the dating website to your personal email then to phone, you can build up some intimacy before meeting if he is a great guy and that makes the date go more smoothly. Alternatively, if he is a creep, that usually shows over the phone and not necessarily over text and you can screen better and not waste your time. When you are a 30 something woman time is of the essence. I find it well worth it to spend the 15 minutes for a phone call rather than drag yourself to a date that turns out to be lame. Texts certainly are great to supplement the phone call but should not substitute it. Furthermore, why avoid the phone call and build the guy up in your mind to later find you have no conversational chemistry? Waste of time!

  17. 17
    Peter 61

    It’s difficult to understand a second language on the phone.   Texting OTOH is usually very easy to understand.   People use a limited sub set of their linguist capacity and you have time to think about the words.

    1. 17.1

      Well, texting also lets people know how awful your spelling is.   I just think I can pick up so many more cues about what a man is like from having a voice conversation with him.   

  18. 18

    I absolutely agree that the rules of texting can and should be established in the very beginning of dating. Most guys I’ve encountered don’t mind when I let them know I prefer phone calls for real conversation. Texts are ideal for flirting, for a quick “I love you babe!”. or for relaying practical information like, “are you here yet?” in a noisy place, “please bring a bottle of wine”, etc. Men who aren’t that interested quickly fall through the cracks once they know you have standards about texting. Ultimately it’s about respect. All this being said, my teenage children blatantly disagree with me. Their phones “ping” all day long but they rarely talk on the phone. i have to believe that as they get older, that will change…. at least I hope it will.

  19. 19

    First off, Evan provides some excellent examples of how to handle a guy who doesn’t call.   I agree with him on just about everything, but I have to disagree on this point:   I don’t believe that texting is necessarily a sign of disinterest, especially for the under 35 (or so) crowd.   I agree with him that you have to look at texting in addition to actual dates and email.   However, a lot of people nowadays just don’t like to talk on the phone.   If a guy plans dates, always comes through when he says he will, and you spend plenty of time together, he’s likely interested whether he talking to you on the phone or not.

    Jayne said #4:

    “A guy had asked me out via text, and since this was the only way he communicated, I said yes, but then playfully said would love to hear your voice so we can finalize the plans. He then text me right back and asked when was an exact time to call? Geez!! Just grow a pair and hit the dial button already!! I never responded, and never heard from him again. No loss, whatsoever!!!”

    That seems rather silly.   There could have been a number of reasons why he asked when a good time to call would be.   He could have been just being polite instead of “not having a pair” as you put it, and was wondering when you had some free time to hammer out the details.   It may, or may not, have been your loss.

    Julia said #6

    “I completely agree and never would consider being at the beck and call of some man making no effort. I just hate that I need to condition nearly every man I meet to actually call.”

    I don’t talk on the phone at all.   My girlfriend of three years and I have probably talked on the phone no more than 30 times.   I asked her out via text (or email, can’t remember), and I was certainly interested.   I also wasn’t scared to call her.   It simply seemed like an acceptable form of communication to me, and if a girl asked me out via text, I wouldn’t think anything of it.   OTOH, I’ve known a few guys in the past who were basically pick-up artists who always called to ask women out because they knew it would provide the appearance of being truly interested, and the girls fell for it.   Based on your idea of “making an effort”, those guys are better relationship prospects.   It’s perfectly fine if you prefer that a guy call, but it doesn’t mean he’s not interested if he doesn’t.

    1. 19.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @Chance “I’ve known a few guys in the past who were basically pick-up artists who always called to ask women out because they knew it would provide the appearance of being truly interested, and the girls fell for it.”

      You inadvertently made MY point. Calling provides the appearance of being truly interested. Texting doesn’t. So it’s in a woman’s best interest to separate the wheat from the chaff by encouraging a more personal form of communication. That doesn’t mean it’s foolproof. But a guy who is so tone-deaf or selfish to not consider a woman’s needs is not someone she should be mourning.

      1. 19.1.1

        AHA – I think I got it, so the key  isn’t necessarily if the man texts but rather if the man texts and the woman gently playfully lets him know that she would love a phone call and he sticks only to texts.   Women often do not communicate their needs and make snap decisions because they got jaded before, but we need to also give men a fun chance to step up to the plate, communicate our needs and see what they do with it.   Everyone has different needs and wants, the point isn’t do they automatically do and say what you like, the point is when something comes up and you communicate your needs do they then try to make you happy, which is a relationship skill.

  20. 20

    @Chance – what I think some of the women are trying to say is that if you ask a guy to call because it’s really important to you and you tell him that’s how you build a connection, and he ignores you and still continues to text or just fades out, then that means he’s not interested in you enough to make this one small effort.   Have you asked your gf which mode of communication she preferred?   A lot of women like to talk but they are afraid of asking for it because they fear the guy will flee or not call and make them feel rejected.   So they put up with the texting to keep the peace.   It may not make much difference to the guy but can make a big difference to the girl.   I’ve always asked the guys whom I was dating to call me in the evening in addition to texting.   I know right away who is truly interested.   The ones who aren’t just fade out or ignores me completely and continue texting.   That’s laziness if a girl specifically asks!   On the other hand my fiancé called every night.   And no, he didn’t like talking on the phone, no guy really does, but he enjoys talking to ME plus he knows it makes me happy which makes him happy.   He still calls me from the car as he is driving home from work even though we are together now.   That’s dedication!

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