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Chemistry

Passion. Lust. Chemistry. No matter what you call it, it’s one of the most intoxicating forces on the planet. But if you don’t understand how amazing chemistry can actually HURT your long-term relationship chances, you need to read all of the blog posts below.

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Why Attracting The Wrong Men Isn’t The Real Problem

This is the second video based on the questions YOU wanted answered in my big survey. Last week, I shared with you the revelation that men are about feelings, not…

Read More… 116 comments

(Video) The Illusion of Chemistry

You’ve seen me write about it, but here’s what it sounds like when I do it live. As always, your comments are appreciated.

Read More… 16 comments

(Video) The James Bond Effect – Lust is a Drug

You want a guy who is tall, successful, charismatic, worldly, independent, and sexy. You’ve dated him before. He’s broken your heart, time and again. Why do you always go back…

Read More… 10 comments

Is It Chemistry, Or Is It Love?

I write a lot about this subject, but today’s newsletter got such a strong positive reaction that I decided to post this on the blog for anyone who does not…

Read More… 59 comments

What Do I Do If A Guy Is In Love With Me, But I Don’t Feel As Strongly Yet?

I have met this guy who thinks I hung the moon. He is considerate, calls me everyday, sees me often, shares his thoughts and feelings with me and wants to…

Read More… 52 comments

Passion Vs. Comfort: Do You Have to Have Fireworks to Have a Successful Relationship?

Passion vs. Comfort. This is a post you don’t want to miss, inspired by a discussion on my (500) Days of Summer thread. Here’s the gist of it. Reader Lori…

Read More… 264 comments

What You Can Learn From (500) Days of Summer

The wife and I saw (500) Days of Summer last night before we caught Inglourious Basterds. Very different movies, with very different messages. But since I’m a dating and relationship…

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Is it Okay to Love Someone But Not Be “In Love”?

My girlfriend of 2 1/2 years just put all our plans on hold, including buying a house together and getting married later this year. She says she loves me but…

Read More… 165 comments

Why You SHOULD Hold Out for Magical Chemistry

I’ve spent a lot of time discussing why lust, chemistry, and that “you just know” feeling shouldn’t be the determining factors in your relationship decisions. This writer, Louise Rafkin –…

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A.J. Jacobs on Brain Chemistry and Love in this month’s Esquire

I know the debate about chemistry rages around here, but A.J. Jacobs – a writer who always inserts himself into his own stories – went a step further. He got…

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You Said

  • "AMEN it is proven women spend an inordinate amount of time effort and money to stay healthy and beautify themselves, while I honestly have dated guys that didn't even grasp personal hygene, and many…"
    mara on Why Are There No Attractive Men in Your Area
  • "I don't. I agree that the first factor IS attraction. Now the reason why women call men shallow and they are right is because while for women attraction is necessary, it is not sufficient. I clearly…"
    mara on Why Are There No Attractive Men in Your Area
  • "@Emily,My tone may not have come across right. My point is that you really do have a lot more agency than you think, just much agency as we do. My response to Clare about really both of us feeling…"
    Mike on What Do I Do If I’m Not Attracted to Any Men?
  • "@Clare,Your boyfriend sounds like a lucky guy!As I should have made even more clear in my response to Emily, NEITHER men nor women really have the monopoly on getting to be the choosers. And I…"
    Mike on What Do I Do If I’m Not Attracted to Any Men?
  • "@Emily,Well, but we aren't talking about a woman waiting around for a man she really likes to finally ask her out, though. We are talking about a man and a woman *already on* a date.Anyway, I…"
    Mike on What Do I Do If I’m Not Attracted to Any Men?
  • "How was the dancing night out, Em?? ;)…"
    Marika on What Do I Do If I’m Not Attracted to Any Men?
  • "Well, I'm a woman and date men and I can still see where Shaukat is coming from.I hate the way these comments tend to become a male vs female competition. Putting aside for a second the struggles…"
    Marika on What Do I Do If I’m Not Attracted to Any Men?
  • "Mike,I appreciate that. I am as fair as humanly possible to men I date. I make plenty of time in my schedule, I drive to see them, I hug, I kiss, I'm warm, I flirt, I offer to pay for myself, and…"
    Clare on What Do I Do If I’m Not Attracted to Any Men?

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    “Without your help, I never could have imagined that I could be in a relationship like this one.”

    I'm in my 60's and expected that I would not have a committed relationship again. I'm still dealing with issues internally of fear and past experiences, as is he. But we can talk about these things and know that we have something special.

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Have a Dating Question? Search My Date-A-Base.

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